My toddler said my boyfriend slapped him on the leg: Advice?

It’s appears that your instincts kicked in. Don’t question yourself! After 2 years, you did what your heart felt was right!

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It sounds like you did the right thing. Don’t let these people saying “he can play daddy but not discipline your child” get to you. I’m sure you allowed him to tell your son no and what not.
Discipline does not have to be hitting and if he knew that you did not want him physically punishing your child then that should be respected.

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2 years and he isn’t allowed to discipline your child? Then you need to be alone. I’m not talking his side cause I wasn’t there and don’t know what really happened but you can’t expect to be with someone and then never get to discipline.

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He smacked your child then denied it , problem right there , you did the right thing kicking him out

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Theres a difference between discipline and him laying his hands on the kid. I’m sure she allowed him to discipline, as in time outs, take things away but I agree with her. He shouldn’t ever lay his hands on the kid.

Truthfully I don’t know what I’d do in this situation. On one had I’d want to give him a second chance, but On the other my kid would always come first

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You’ve been with him for 2 years and made him leave and ended it? Sounded like he was being a parent to me. You should have talked to him about or had both of them in the room and talked about it. Because lying isn’t ok. I’m all for believing your child and children first but at the same time. Children lie all the time and if he didn’t want him to go that says something right there

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Kids lie, big lies, and often. He was mad, knew that poor man couldn’t discipline him and took advantage of it. You expect someone to be your baby sitter and share your life and raise your kid but cannot discipline him? Not really a fair situation you’ve setup for anyone involved.

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Two years? So this is obviously a long term serious relationship? And he has obviously played a huge part in your child’s life. You have to set boundaries and expectations, yes, but in order to have respect and to be able to fully be effective in teaching the child to respect you both he needs to be able to discipline also. If you expect him to care for and help you take care of your child, then be prepared for him to be able to discipline. That’s not okay. I believe all three of you need apologies all the way around and some new expectations and boundaries need set. Some communication and feelings need to be addressed and heard.
Regardless who is right, your man or your son, they both need to know what expected and what’s not okay. If you REALLY care about this individual then you need to openly discuss this, I kicking him out and ending the relationship was pretty extreme, unless things were already going that way, and you weren’t happy.

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My 2 year old lied on a school friend saying the girl at hit her. Turns out she wanted some attention. Kids lie. If your guy has been around for 2 years…you should know him well enough you know that he wouldn’t hurt him. Was there a mark?

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If you really expect your boyfriend to babysit your kids, it’s expected that he’d be allowed to discipline exactly how you do.

If not, look after ya own kid

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Good Job Mama Bear :clap:t4::clap:t4::clap:t4::clap:t4:

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You realize that those news reports are actually a small amount of society? Like statically that’s not going to happen to every mother that has a boyfriend.

So you traumatize your child, big win there, and possibly left someone that cared about you and your child?

The dude would be foolish to come back and deal with you.

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I’m sorry but what I’ve been with my man 3 years now and as far as I’m concerned he is stepdaddy he has all rights to discipline him

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Was there a mark on his leg?? I think you overreacted.

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Listen to your children ALWAYS

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NOT saying it’s okay for anyone to lay a hand on your child but him not being allowed to discipline your kids at all is setting any relationship up for ultimate failure

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You can’t be with someone and want them to have a parent role but basically tell them they can’t parent.

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Honestly if he did smack him it’s not abuse it’s called discipline! You spent 2 years with this man and all of a sudden you kick him out over this? Cmon you need some serious help.

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Disciplining is not slapping your toddler while you’re in a different room then lying about it. You’re absolutely right and you need to follow through with your decision. Good for you, you’re a great mom!

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My now husband has been a role model in my sons life since he was 6 months. step dad now ever since the start when my son needed discipline I just told him be up front and tell u me did it never have a had a problem hell the first time he did he called me crying I was laughing so hard. So depending on ur connection with ur boyfriend of 2 years if he hasn’t lied to you before give the benefit of the doubt and he should be able to discipline in someway

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You did the right thing. Good job Momma!! As one mom to another, I am proud of you!!:heart::heart::heart:

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Y’all have been together two years. And he was misbehaving. You don’t trust your man to handle it then you need to re-evaluate. He shouldn’t of denied it. He should of told you hell year and if he misbehaves again he’ll do it again lol :woman_shrugging:t2:

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First of all who hits a toddler?? This is something that I have conflicted opinions on, I don’t believe in spanking my kids, there are other ways to discipline. But on the other hand if hitting your child is your preference for discipline then how can you expect your spouse to not discipline especially if he was in charge and you were resting…

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I smell typical child manipulation.
And fyi? After 2 years, you should have had the discussion about whether or not he has permission to discipline your kid that way.
Therefore, there never would be a question.

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Believe your son. Your son doesnt want something so huge to happen - like Matt leaving- out the situation with him. He feels to blame. Assure him he is NOT. Toddlers barely know how to lie about something so major. You did the right thing.

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That’s hard bc I’ve literally had my kids lie on my bf and on me too about doing stuff. Or they switch stuff up all the time. Currently I got a 3 year old who got a cut on her foot from falling on something she shouldnt of. And she lies and says it was the cat who did it lol but it also could of him hitting him too. It could honestly go both ways… but clearly your son still wants him and isnt scared of him? So I dont think hes being abused. I’ve been with my bf for 2 years as well. And I let him do some of the punishing with the kids bc otherwise they dont listen to him and we are going to get married soon, hes basically their dad.

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You did the right thing.

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If he shouldnt discipline him he shouldnt watch him…get up and take care of your baby… or teach your boyfriend how to discipline the child that works for everyone.

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when my kid was a toddler he lied right to my face. the difference was that i had cameras, and the ‘incident’ was in camera view so i could see it. even though he could see he was lying and busted he maintained that he was telling the truth. be mindful, toddlers 1. don’t always tell the truth, they will lie to get someone else in trouble and to get them out of trouble (who know, who broke this…the other kid did type thing). 2. make sure your child wasn’t manipulating the situation. if your child is jealous of the other person in your life they will cause conflict (had this happen). 3. if your child’s father is in the picture and he is mad that you are with another man and that man is helping raise your child your ex could be putting thoughts into your childs mind. 4. if you are not willing to allow your partner to help parent/discipline your child, your child will grow up not respecting your partner as a parental figure. 5. if you will now allow your partner to help parent/discipline your child stay a single parents until your child is grown, married and moved out. Make sure your child never has children of their own, or your grandchildren will never respect your partner either. 5. 2 years and your partner has never had any contact with your child until now? cause that is how it sounds. I am sure he has disciplined in some way your child in the past.

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Was there a mark? If he was smacked there would be some sort of evidence especially bc he came to you right away. I’m not sure ending a 2 year relationship so quickly was a good idea. You clearly wanted him to be a father figure and he’s never acted mean towards you or ur kid. Maybe u should have calmed down first and asked ur son and SO again.

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Wow your toddler has an awful lot of control in that house smh.

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My son told me his biological dad threw the couch at him when mad. He’s made up similar stories about me. However it’s always important to be aware. Did he have a smack mark?

Did you look at his leg? At this point in the relationship he should be able to discipline. Just cut it off and let the guy find someone he can be with and not afraid of being accused

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You must have a feeling or you wont have asked him to go. Go with your instincts. Dont second guess yourself. I hope you two can work it out

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We don’t hit but in a long term relationship your partner needs to be able to discipline in general.

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Wow. Maybe you don’t really want to be with your bf.

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You 100% did the right thing! Do NOT second guess your instincts. Your child is your first responsibility!

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You did the right thing :blue_heart:

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Kids need discipline, that doesn’t mean you have to smack them!!

You can’t expect someone to look after your child but not allow them to ‘control’ them ESPECIALLY after 2 years of being the ‘dad’ figure in the little boys life

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You way over reacted toddlers lie to come between you. That happened with my son. Not everyone is abusive. You would see more signs than that

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You sound ridiculous and like you seek reenforcement for actions you already know were foolish. Finding other fools to justify your reactions and unrealistic expectations still won’t make them right. If you are aware your child is out of line than maybe mom up and start taking actions that will stop your child from being problematic to maintaining relationships with other adults.

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You’ve been with this man for 2 years and don’t feel comfortable with him disciplining your child? If you do not use pops or hitting as discipline then that’s one thing that yall should discuss and your discipline techniques but saying he can’t ever discipline your child is kind of… idk. If I trust you enough to be in my child’s life then I trust your judgement with discipline. That is setting your child up to run over any adult because he knows that you will not allow them to discipline him. I know you came here for comfort and not to be criticized but… it’s not fair.

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looks are deceiving be very cautious before it’s too late

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My 3 yr old tells me all the time her brother and sister are being mean to her and hit her. I could be standing in the same room and them not even touch her and she would say the same thing… i mean if you’re together for 2 years now i think it’s ok for your so to discipline within reason…

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If you expect a long term relationship the spouse or SO needs some type of control as well. And they child needs to have respect for that person. I understand your fear of someone possibly hurting your child. In my opinion I would be more upset with him lying to me than actually disciplining my child (if that’s the case). Since you haven’t actually established who is lying here. I have expressed with everyone I expect no one to touch my children. However if they are in their care they can discipline (take something away from them, withhold dessert if they don’t eat dinner, poor then in time out,…). It’s not fair to not allow him any recourse if he’s supposedly you’re partner.

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My step daughter did this to me, thank god for security cameras.
It also made parenting her extremely difficult because I was constantly walking on eggshells

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My daughter used to tell her dad I smacked her in the face or I punched her :woman_shrugging:t4:. Kids will lie like that especially when they are being disciplined but I would have another talk with him one on one and see how he reacts.

Youre joking right? This has to be a joke post. My toddler will look at you and say the dumbest things. They’re a TODDLER.

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I think she needs to be just with her child for the rest of her life she is so in the wrong

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First of all I understand your mommy mode but if it was just a light pop on the leg for correction I don’t see anything wrong with it…if he’s not going to be able to help discipline your child and you plan on having a future with him your child will never learn to respect him and it will create alot of problems…yes you have to listen to your child but you say he’s never been abusive…I know how you feel about the situation but maybe you need to step back and think about it…I’m all about protecting children but a pop on the leg is not abuse.

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Honestly this ENTIRE situation you’ve created is a giant mess. “Matt” helps takes care of him but can’t discipline him? So your child will never respect him. Not only that but as he gets older he WILL pit the two of you against each other.

Now. I have two kids (6 and 2) I’ve caught the older one in lies since he starter talking. Kids DO lie about stuff like that. Especially when they don’t want to mind.
After 2 years of no incidents it magically happened…just like that?
Sounds like “mama bear” needs to slow herself down. Use her brain and some reasoning skills.

edit
Also are you clear on what a “toddler” is?
A toddler is a 1-2 year old. If “matt” has been in your child’s life for two years that means he’s been around since he was a baby or before he was born. That’s pretty much your childs entire life…thats something you may want to consider.

But going by the vocab and conversation you’re describing i would hazard a guess that your child is actually a pre-schooler (3-4). Its a entirely different group developmentally. While toddlers don’t have the capacity to lie exactly or on purpose (they can however exaggerate or misinterpret like if i were to pat my kid on the thigh to get his attention and tell him no he might misinterpret it as me being mean and “hitting” him) preschoolers can and do they’re a lot smarter than people want to give credit for.
Also if your child is getting on a lot of people’s nerves from being “rambunctious”…it sounds like YOU need to instill some discipline into this childs life just from experience it only gets worse. Now your kid has figured out you will believe him no matter what so its only a matter of time before this happens again.

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After 2 years he should be able to discipline your child even more so if he’s watching him. Without hitting of course. Remember kids lie. My kid’s specialty my youngest has said I hit him here or punched him in face etc. They lie it happens. It’s our job to teach them not to. My other son said I hit him in the head with a fking bat really a bat. He went to school telling them. :woman_facepalming: it’s life we learn to teach them and tell there signs when lying. Did you look to see if his leg was red? I feel horrible for this man really.

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My fiance smacks my kids butts and helps me manage punishments but that’s because weve been together for years and I trust him. I dont know how you expect someone to be put in charge of your child and not discipline them. You’ve been with him for 2 years for God’s sake if he didnt have patience this would have happen long ago. But ultimately it’s your choice. You have to take some blame here though. You left him in charge. If you didn’t trust him you wouldn’t have done that.

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I commend you for believing your child. But a two year relationship over something that should have been discussed. Overreacted a bit I think

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He can play daddy all he wants. I have been a step mother to a little girl for about 7 years now. She had just turned 3 when I met her and to this day discipline is not my job. Her father is her father for that reason, and she has a mother for it as well. I might say something if I see something I don’t like but I would NEVER in my life put my hands on her. That is unacceptable, if he felt it had gotten that far he should’ve came to you to handle it. IF he did smack him, because like you said it’s hard to tell with toddlers sometimes. :sweat:

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To me you overreacted.

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2 years & he wasn’t allowed to discipline, ever? At that point you need to be alone. Smacking is different than discipline though, so if he did smack him- sure you did the right thing… But you truly cant expect to be with someone long term & them NEVER be able to discipline…thats how kids run things & control the house.

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If he cannot discipline your child 2 years into the relationship he shouldn’t be allowed to watch him. My bf disciplines my child when needed and watches him. If hes not allowed to discipline the kids, it’ll teach them they are allowed to get away with anything while the bf is watching them.

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Be careful to make sure that you have both sides of the story in what really happened. Youngsters are abused in lots of instances but little ones love drama in lots of instances as well. Deal with the situation in a calm relaxed manner. How badly was the child injured or marked. Take everything into consideration before making any final decisions.

Was there a mark on the kids leg? Has there ever been any other instances in the past 2 years? If not, maybe the toddler did lie. I mean they’re toddlers… they do lie sometimes too.

Also, there has got to be some sort of discipline that your boyfriend can do. What about putting them in a corner? Or what about time out? I don’t see why he can’t discipline your kid if you trust him. If you don’t trust him to discipline your kid why are you with him?

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So many comments BASHING this mom when what she did was believe and protect her child! So sad

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Why would you be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t allowed to discipline your child? If all you want is dick invest in a vibrator. Check your kids leg and see if there’s a mark. If not you’re going to feel like an asshole for kicking him out. Kids lie about thing. And then If there is a mark tell your man you just want relationship but not to father your kid as well. 💁🏽

Why would you believe a toddler over an adult?

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Always trust your child and your gut. You must have seen some red flags and this just confirmed it for you. :pray::heart:

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My daughter told me her nan smacked her leg. I believed her until she apologised to her nan for lying and getting her in trouble. Shes now 5 and I’ve learnt she does exaggerate things or retell the story as she interpreted it rather than how it actually happened.

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You are allowed to go mama bear when it comes to your child
Follow your instincts

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If toddlers find out someone cannot discipline them, they act like crap to that person most of the time. If I don’t feel comfortable with someone disciplining my 3 kids then I don’t have that person around my children at all. But everyone around us has permission to displine my children if and when needed. They have never been beat, and honestly are so we behaved they hardly ever even get out in time out. But the respect aspect is there, they know they can’t get away with behaving badly. How many times/years has your boyfriend acted like a dad to your son? Why would he not get the same dad rights?

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Also- do NOT over do it with questioning your son about it. Simple to the point. You will confuse things and make worse

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I’m sorry but I would have been pissed too he has no right to smack your child and even worse it’s not his child either , I got pissed when my partner smacked out daughter and he is her dad , I don’t believe in smacking my kids as I don’t have to I only need to change my tone and my kids know I mean business so I think you done exactly the right thing your protecting your child like any mother should do x

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It’s ok to be confused, you did the right thing though especially if it was a set boundary. You can punish toddlers without hitting them. Good for you and your son

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You overreacted, imo. Shouldve talked to your bf

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Listen to your child, please! If you’re not okay with him putting his hands on him then you did the right thing! Your child told you and didn’t even deny it in front of him so heck yes I would believe him!! I got so happy when I read the part that you kicked him to the curve immediately! My daughter was 3 and never told me she was hit (not just a tap on the thigh) she was being physically abused! Don’t wanna get all into it but it landed her in the hospital for a week. She didn’t tell me cause he would tell her that I would cry if she told me, she didn’t want to see me suffer so instead she did! She finally told me at the hospital … I was devastated and still beat myself up everyday because of this… there were red flags but apparently I had rose colored glasses on! I was stupid, naive and didn’t see them. Definitely hard lesson learned… even if it’s a lie idc my child comes first.

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When you ask for advice on Facebook all you’re going to get is opinions. Advice comes from people you trust, not bored randoms who are sitting behind a screen.

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Toddlers lie… preschoolers lie…
School age kids lie…
Teenagers lie…
ADULTS LIE…

Yes. You believe your kids when you have given the situation thought… and come to an educated decision…

Sounds like you wanted a reason to end the relationship.

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Ohh my Gawd :frowning_face_with_open_mouth::persevere:…a smack??? Farout! The tail is definitely wagging this dog. Poor you in the years to come.

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Wow. I mean if you are going to believe a toddler that you sound like you don’t fully believe to begin with, and end a 2 year relationship without even checking to see of theres a red fingermark or anything, then the guy you dumped deserves better than you anyway. After 2 years you usually know someone, and if hes not allowed to discipline, he shouldn’t be watching him. A smack on the thigh would leave a red mark, did you even look before you kicked him out? It’s one thing if theres evidence, or if he has a history of losing his temper, but it sounds like you just let your toddler ruin a good thing.

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Hun you have to realize that they could have been playing and he’s been misinterpreting. If you’ve been with him for 2 years and not even an incident, then your overreacting a bit. I understand the momma bear mode 100% but think about it

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If you don’t trust then it’s better to split up.

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I really commend you for what you did, good on you for protecting your child.

However, my 3 year old told me last night her aunty pushed her, insisted she did it, but I was standing right there and she did not.

Sounds to me like you didn’t get your butt smacked enough

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Your a total idiot everything you said is pretty idiotic. If you expect someone to watch your child they need to be able to discipline them time out etc just like a babysitter they may not get to make up the rules or but their word she be law and they should have to respect them. Also kids lie if there was no mark you have to decide how much you trust the person, which clearly you don’t. My son said my bf hit him when we first started dating but he had never been alone with him so I knew it could not have happened but regardless I sat down with my kid and talked till he told me the truth but he was four not two. I think you should leave him alone and everyone else until you are ready to allow someone else to be your partner in taking care of the kid. Sounds to me like he runs the place

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You did right don’t listen to these desperate ppl! He shouldn’t be allowed to discipline until marriage and when he is his father figure.

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I would of done the same thing . But if you have been with him for two years I think you would be able to tell if he actually done it or not you’d know his personality and if he’s the type of person to do that , and then lie to you about doing it ? Maybe you should discuss it with him a bit more and ask his side of the story so you have a full understanding . But completely agree that step dad’s/mums should never hit their step kids that’s not right. Discipline them yeah but not hit them

My daughter recently told her dad that I lost her in the grocery store. She’s 4. Toddlers do this kid of shit. Sounds like you were honestly looking for a reason to get rid of him. He was taking care of your son while you weren’t feeling well. You obviously trusted him enough to do that, but you don’t trust him enough to discipline him.

Don’t date anyone until your child is an adult. You can’t build a relationship with anyone, if they’re not going to fully committed in everything you are. This includes your children. If you keep someone from the committment, then why bother dating at all?!

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I feel like this is absolutely ridiculous, if you have dated someone for 2yrs and you trust them with your child before this, you over reacted. Kids lie and fib all the time especially when in trouble (not saying that’s what happened) but your way was not the best way to handle this.

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What my kids say >>>>>>>>>> what other people say

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Trust your instincts!

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Wow y’all are the same women I read about in the news smh

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If anyone ever touched my child wrong, I’d remove them from our lives too.

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You have to take your child’s words literally and assume he’s telling the truth right from the jump. Now that you have done that, you have the opportunity to fact check and to have further conversation to determine what’s true/untrue.

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I’m glad you did it. You are one of the rare moms who actually LISTENED to your child. You have boundaries and you had enough sense (unlike some of these people commenting) to stick to them. I say good job.

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SMH hope you got the validation you are so desperately seeking from strangers.

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belieive your tot - Im a mother of 4 - kids don’t make that shit up one day

You are an amazing mom. I’m so happy you chose your child over a boyfriend. Men come and go, your children are a life long commitment.:clap::clap::clap:

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You can’t expect someone to watch your kid, if you don’t expect them to have punishments. Smacking, NO! But discipline, yes. If you’ve been dating 2yrs And expect him to be “daddy” role, then you’re gonna have to allow him some sort of parental decision too. If he’s never done this before, what makes you think he suddenly has? Kids lie. All the time! And if you’re toddler has heard you telling your boyfriend that he can’t discipline, toddlers are very good at manipulating the situations. They don’t realize what kind of trouble it could cause. But that’s your job to teach him. You and your boyfriend should be on the same page! 100% since you’re living together too.
I feel you overreacted. I feel, if you’re not willing others to provide structure and teach him right/wrong then watch your kid yourself.

ETA: yes, protecting your child is your #1 responsibility!!! But we gotta be logical. And handle situations with a clear mind, verse the immediate emotions or reactions!

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And congrats on not allowing otger people to smack your children. Too many mothers are okay with boyfriends who have only been on the scene for 5 mins / 2 years to come in and try to smack etc. I don’t like that at all. You agreed on the boundary and I think you should be commended for sticking to it. X

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I divorced my ex husband for hitting my child.

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I dont care what anyone says it is always better to be safe then sorry and i dont know a 2 year old that knows how to lie, unless taught to lie. Lying is a learned behavior. Putting your child above everything and everyone is what we mothers are suppose to do if it turns out that that didnt happen then its not the end of the world but if it turns out that it did happen then there is always the possibility of it getting worse down the road. Men are replaceable our kids are not.

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I glad you protect your child but have you ever thought your child lied to you to get attention or your bf in trouble. Sometimes kids lie to get attention or if they are angry at someone. Also there is differences in a pop, a seat, a snack and a hit. If your bf did smack your child hard there should have been a red mark and if your toddler was doing something that he shouldn’t have been then a light smack was probably done. My son gets smacked if he gets into crap he isn’t suppose to get into but not hit hard enough to leave a bruise or a red mark.

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