I’m not a mom but a father, not only my two boys but to my future wife’s four kids. Before I met her family and the kids, we always went on dates. We’re both Christian. Everything was so good. But it seems like the more closer we got, this angriness started coming out at random. While she works during the day, I’m with all her kids, and we’ve come soooo close with each other; I love them as my own. But every time she’s angry, not even with me, she takes it out on me the most, though. The machines at work messed up, and she had to pick me up around 3 am (my car is in the shop), and she was super angry, did not say one word to me, and still the next day, she hasn’t spoken to me, and I commented on her IG post saying she’s so beautiful and she deleted it. Like after that, Idk if it’s anger towards me or if it’s just angry because I’m not the guy she wants. We go to church together and attend discipleship school together. We do have a lot of good times. Just sometimes, it’s hard to stay strong when she hasn’t said a word in one full day. And to top it off, she never wants to speak about the situation. She just lays on me or wants me to hug her like nothing ever happened!
Have you considered speaking with your Paster/Priest about the situation? Because it’s someone who sees you both weekly, they may have some insight into getting her to talk instead of acting out.
I love that you want to discuss it. Usually it’s the other way around. Maybe you could tell her that you need to communicate on this, for the good of all involved (because this is going to affect the kids, eventually).
I hope you find your harmony. It sounds like you’ve got a lot invested and have a lot of love going on. Those are great building blocks, if the lines of communication can be opened.
If you go through with marrying, it might be even worse later on. There might be missing context but from what it seems she might be a narcissist. You can’t fix them you can’t heal them, it isn’t your fault but they’ll make sure you take the fall. You and her children. And I’m so sorry
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife has been taking her anger out on me: Advice? - #2 by MalaMoragain
Leave her. She sounds miserable and she’s just going to bring you down with her. Get out.
Could she be depressed? Maybe try sitting down and talking with her to find out what’s making her so angry and letting her know she’s taking it out on you. I hope things get better for you and that y’all can figure out what’s going on. Prayers for you both
If she will not talk about an issue. It’s because there isnt one. She is wanting you to pull out of the relationship so she can still be a good guy to her kids.
Make her get help or do better. You deserve better.
Have your pastor give you both family counseling.
Consider it a blessing her true colors have begun to show before you’ve said your vows. I would NOT go through with that marriage unless she’s willing to admit she may have a problem and takes the steps to correct it.
Lots of red flags … she isn’t into you. People who care for others don’t treat them this way. Ask her what’s up or tell her to get out
You could do better that that… Leave
Sounds like she may be bipolar and needs medication.
Maybe she is depressed
Counseling might be an option for both of you and hopefully y’all can work through it
Speak to pastor ask about relationship counseling. There is a rule in my house work stays at work once you come across that door its family we don’t discuss work or anything someone else did to anger us.
She has a lot to deal with between work and 6 kids, ask her how you could help her out more, so she can destress. Usually in good relationships we take anger out on each other because it’s also our safe space to feel like we can be angry, instead of taking it out on others that we really want to. Talk it out, go on a date night just you two.
Check out Mark Gungor
She needs psychiatric help. If she refuses, leave.
Why do you think she isn’t with the guy she wants? I can’t say I would be happy if I had to get up and pick someone up at 3 am but I wouldn’t carry it over to the next day. That kind of seems excessive, and the silent treatment is kind of abusive. Maybe you, she and your pastor or preacher can have a counseling session and try to work out how to fix things.
She needs to check into anger management.
Women can be narcissists too, Just sayin.
Depends how long this has been going on. Relationship have peaks and valleys. Im the type who takes my frustrations out on the closest ones to me because it’s where I feel safe doing so. Although she does seem to be a little much with the silent treatment. That’s rather abusive in my opinion and it may be time for a serious conversation about mutual respect and healthy relationships
Which religion would you talk to you pastor or has she had hormonal changes you both need to get a sitter and talk
You should let her seek medical advice and probably couple counseling.
I would definitely leave, because those are signs of a narcissist/ cheater!!! Save yourself from even more hurt!! Sorry your having to deal with such a horrible person
We are in a full moon sometimes we are just walking around mad. Give her some space & time.
I think at this point she’s with you for convenience. You help her with her kids and they like you . She probably isn’t into you anymore but would want you to end things so she seems like the victim. I’d ask her to seek therapy or counseling for herself and as a couple. If she refuses , then she doesn’t love you.
She may be suffering from prolonged post partum depression, or this maybe a consequence of an undiagnosed mental condition which has worsen after having children (it does happen) ADHD or asperger’s, especially if she is only angry with you and no one else, you maybe her safe person, the only one she feels safe to lash out on. Look into it, do not discart the possibility though.
And this is why there are few good men left🥴 they taken by the crazies lol.
No seriously. Have you talked to her about what’s affecting her (deeply rooted issues). How old are the kids? Is she suffering from PPD? History in past relationships play a major role also. If she isn’t willing to communicate, counseling may help her open up. Women suffer ALOT emotionally and mentally especially after bearing children and a strong man is needed to understand what she is battling. If she’s unwilling, this is a red flag and marriage should be avoided.
That’s why I like being a free man. Don’t have to deal with all that drama and bull shit.
Maybe talk to her one on one when I’m depressed or upset my fiance and me will sit down talk about it sometimes I’ll cry on his shoulder or will pray about it together.
Hope all gets better for y’all.
Abuse knows no sex and she is being abusive. Try to get therapy but if it gets physical, leave! I wish you well.
I wonder about her kiddos ages? I had a very hard time managing my anger during pregnancy/after. Granted, I wasn’t in the most nurturing relationship on both our sides, I was also struggling with PPD, anxiety, and PTSD all untreated. Maybe shes struggling with something that’s not visible? I finally reached out for help last year and it has made a GIGANTIC difference in my anger. I’m no longer angry and things that I used to break down over have become a lot more manageable for me. Have you tried opening communication to see where she might be mentally? In my opinion, that would be the start to see where y’alls relationship is. No one deserves to be abused emotionally regardless if the other party is mentally ill, but keep in mind that she may truly not be able to help what’s she doing. She may not even be aware of it either.
Sounds like she has major issues communicating. I’d suggest getting couples therapy and maybe it could. Maybe ever her getting her own therapy as well. But definitely couples therapy so she can learn to communicate better before you guys actually get married
Communication!!! Deleted a sweet comment? Hiding something from someone? You can always keep quiet and stay as her babysitter/ verbal punching bag.
Sounds like a narcissist
Just curious but has she had midlife crisis yet?
So I was that wife, I had no idea how I was acting until I caught my husband talking to another women. We went to counseling, it got much worse before it got better but we know how to fight right and communicate much better, I had no idea I was that way I was mad at myself and taking it out on him and just tired talk to her
Do not go through with the wedding unless and until she seeks help and improves.
I pray GOD will help you both.
Big REDFlag move on she needs anger management help
She could be depressed…depression isn’t always sleeping all day and being sad it can manifest in rage and irritability
Sounds like she friend zoned you
We are pretty simple creatures after you get past the complicated stuff.
If she is not getting these at home then she may get angry & resentful. This can also lead to a hormonal imbalance which can lower her estrogen & increase her levels of testosterone & cortisol.
If she’s going through depression… there may be an underlying rage she can’t control, and you’re catching glimpses of it seeping out. I speak from experience. Is it just directed towards you or the kids too?
She may be suffering from mental illness.
Sounds like you need to hit her with that ol razzle dazzle helicopter!
I would definitely tell her that communication is really important to you in order for things to work. I mean we can only sweep things under the rug for so long in a relationship before it causes more problems and feelings get so hurt that it becomes irreparable.
Sounds like shes playing games, games aren’t cool. Tell her to grow up and quit the games and try to be an adult and talk about the situation.
It is abuse plain and simple. Don’t put up with it, it will only get worse. I understand having a bad day and I more than understand having a mental illness however, none of this is an excuse to downgrade the person that you love. If a post was ever posted like this about the man doing this, everybody says run anf red flag. But a woman does it and there are a million reasons why, NO!!! Man or woman it is abuse!!!
Shes hiding some thing…
If she has anger problems with you and can filter it in front of the children and can act functional at work then it is a relationship problem. At that point it becomes ok to draw a boundary and say that you want her to be examined if she wants to continue your relationship. You are currently setting a precedence for how you will allow yourself to be treated. Choose wisely.
Good job dad. I love how you are reaching out for advice. If you’re both Christian and attend church regularly maybe look into pastoral counseling with her, or any type of marriage counseling. I Wish you guys the best.
Just talk to her about how you feel. If she takes offense to it then maybe it’s best to split or take a break.
Sounds like you work nights
And take care of kids all day
Do not marry her… unequally yoked!
Glad you haven’t married her yet. She’s comfortable enough now to show you what a trainwreck she is. Consider it a blessing and move on. Anything sent from God is NOTHING LIKE THAT!!!
Take a break from the relationship, b4 committing to a marriage. She is manipulative, and abusive by withholding her love, and refusing to communicate her anger issues. Very childish behavior.
Leave now. Doesn’t really matter what the reason is that shes doing it if she refuses to work on it the situation will only get worse. Cut your ties now.
You need to seriously rethink that marriage. How is she with the kids?
First let me say I sorry this happens. Second we feel safe. It is unfortunate and unfair. Recently I have done the same and I notice it and apologize. I address it in my therapy and and am working on different coping mechanisms. Express your self and let her know it really effects you. Maybe go to therapy with her or suggest she sees a therapist.
Tbh sounds like she may be using you and someone that she cant walk on might be in the pic n she is mad they wont do what you do… Intuition…
Maybe its a mental illness. God bless you. Praying for all of you.
She sounds like a narcissist and mentally/emotionally abusive. Thats a huge red flag and I’d definitely think twice before marrying her for sure. You don’t deserve that at all!!!
There is rarely a man like you. She should count her lucky stars. Good luck!
Is she a Gemini by chance? They’re crazy. Also, leave her. She’s taking advantage of you.
She’s treating you like crap because she feels safe with you. Is it right? Absolutely not, but I definitely think the relationship can be salvaged if she’s willing to work on whatever it is that is causing her so much stress. She needs therapy or some kind of outlet, like meditation. Good luck!
This is definitely abusive behavior even if you’ve never realized it before. My ex was a master manipulator and mental abuser. He would use distancing himself as a way to almost make sure I was at my best for him… it’s like I would try harder because I was trying to get his attention. He would also use it as a form of punishment as well as extreme verbal abuse which I realize isn’t the case in your situation. However, if you love her and you intend to marry her and you are invested in her children, you should easily be able to get free counseling at your church. You will likely have to take a premarital course anyway as most churches will require that of their regular attendees and members. I really feel for you because I know how hurtful it can be, but you need to talk to her and tell her how hurtful the way she treats you is and that you would like to seek counseling at the church. You have to do something before it gets worse. I hate to just throw things out there and fill people’s minds with things without knowing all the facts, but the fact that she deleted your Instagram comment, and that she is giving you the silent treatment and being angry with you for no reason, it kind of seems like the behavior of someone who has found someone else and is looking for reasons in their mind to almost criticize every move you make as a way to justify what they are doing. She could even resent the fact that she knows that right now it would be irresponsible for her to leave the situation because you watch her kids for her and they are likely attached to you. When people distance themselves out of seemingly nowhere and aren’t even willing to discuss the issue, they’ve usually checked out. The reason she checked out could be stressed, but it could also be someone else and the Instagram comment deletion is really suspicious to me. It’s almost like she doesn’t want anyone to know that you are together. I hope that things get worked out and I hope that I’m wrong about some of the things that I am questioning, but I would definitely seek counseling through your church and if she’s not willing to go, then I would really start to be concerned that something deeper is going on like maybe an affair. at that point you’re going to have to decide what you want and if you are willing to be unhappy potentially for the rest of your life or until she decides to leave.
People treat us the way we allow. She is angry at you because you are not what she wants. But she likes the perks.
Run, red flags all over the place .
Try talking to her tell she needs to get some help. Maybe its menopause or maybe a mental diorder like bipolar, border line personality something . Even PMDD if its near that time. She could be over worked However when she calls down talk to her about the situation. Set boundaries. If she’s having a bad day have her tell you so u can give her space.
You say you are christian, do you attend church? if so, I would see if they have marriage counseling. Or if you want to take a more clinical route, see if your insurance provider offers it. It seems like there’s a lack of communication here.
It’s hard to say because there is obviously two sides. You mentioned you stay home all day with the kids? She works? Do you maintain the house and cooking or is she expected to run a house also while working a full time job? If your Christians, speak to your pastors and go for the right counselling. Don’t let life get in the way, work through it and listen to each other.
Not wanting to talk about it is a huge red flag! If she won’t talk now she’s won’t talk later. A Marriage can’t survive not discussing issues!
As a fellow Christian, pray on it. Pray with her about it. Pray out loud when you are together about it. Do it silently. Stop having sex. Sex distortions everything. And if you are really about the disciplship it should be aligned with that too. Use that as an excuse if you have too. But she can’t do that, no spouse should. But it takes time to overcome those demons. It seems like a spiritual battle. I’ll pray for you both too
What you want isn’t always what God wants for you.
Please don’t be so quick to label narcissistic behavior when maybe it’s mental illness. They’re also traits of someone dealing with anxiety and depression. Before mine were under control with medication and therapy it was rough for those around me. Anger is easier than dealing with the rea cause. Being around the wrong church people made me hesitant to reach out for help because I heard more than once my faith just needed to be stronger.
Sounds like you need to put your foot down. Get mad at her and show her how it feels. I don’t think she will stop until it happens to her. Or maybe shejust likes to have a built in babysitter…
If she’s not mature enough to communicate a problem, it’s not your responsibility to “fix” anything. I’d run for the hills and never look back. A relationship with her sounds like wasted time and lots of heartache
You sound like an amazing sweet man! It sounds like you would love for things to work out so maybe try to get to the bottom of what is causing her to be the way she is. Maybe she just needs a healthy outlet for her anger instead of you. Maybe she’s bipolar and needs meds or therapy. I hope you figure things out. Good luck to you and all those kiddos
Dude leave her. Sounds like she is crazy and has anger issues. U deserve better.
Narcissistic behavior if you ask me.
Marriage counseling…you should tell her the silent treatment is a form of psychological abuse. Its true. It is.
I’m sorry to say, religious or not, she is a narcissist.
Punishing you for her moods, giving you the silent treatment, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong. She sounds like my ex husband.
Maybe she feels safe with you.
She has psychological baggage and its foundational (childhood), its very common for adult survivors to be selective in “targeting”, you just happen to be a better choice than her children or anyone else so lucky you, she will continue to “smear” it on you till she gets repairative therapy, or you put a stop to it thru your absence
Councling might help
Make arrangements for someone to take all the children after church . Then tell her you have made an appointment for you two so you can sit down with your preacher and have an open mind conversation to get to the problems you are dealing with in your mind .
Maybe when she hears what you say and feel in front of them she will understand and communicate back with you
That’s how the devil works, he sees something from God and tries to separate the relationship, tell her to go on meds for her anger issue, Lord is
Kinda confusing. Your first sentence said she was your wife . Second sentence said she was your future wife. You don’t mention how long you’ve been together. Also… it sounds like you work also bc she had to pick you up at 3am from work. If… you Are married…go to marriage counseling. Hopefully together. Not married yet…?still go to a marriage counselor…explain your situation ( as it is very complicated bc children are involved ) and get some professional advice. As one commenter said… what YOU want is not necessarily what God wants for you. If you are married and as a Christian….you both took vows and it is imperative that you work through these problems. If not married…. you have some serious work to do bc you’ve gotten the children attached to you. Very sad situation.
Have her get checked
Passive aggressive abuse
She can be brought around but it would take her wanting to.
Run, that’s not love. Stop acting like a puppy you deserve respect and explanations. Maybe you are not working and that’s the problem and she’s to chicken to say so. Either way she’s acting immature, inconsiderate and hateful. I won’t stay and be a doormat. RUN
Tell her not to be taking her anger and frustration out on you. Tell her you’re there for her and you’ll listen to her frustrations but you’re not a whipping post. Tell her how you feel about thinking that you’re not the one she wants and gauge her reaction, if that’s how you still feel, leave, because you deserve better. I know the relationship with the kids will be hard to lose, but you deserve better than that treatment. Best wishes.
Mental illness ever crossed your mind ?? Sickness and health.
That’s more than one person you’re dealing with, and you can’t fix that.
Batschit crazy, run !#
Anxiety & stress can come off as anger and you are her safe place so she unloads on you. No, its not fair and I think counseling could help this situation.
Silent treatment is a form of abuse.
She needs to seek counseling for her anger.
They are all like that
She could have undiagnosed depression. Sometimes the depression can come out in anger.