My wife is constantly on her phone: Advice?

My spouse has a severe phone addiction; she is literally on her phone from the time her eyes open and doesn’t put it down until she goes to bed. She’s not hiding anything. Her phone is unlocked, so that isn’t the problem, but she sits for hours at a time just switching between apps and zones out, only paying attention to her phone. She has recently started sitting in the vehicle for hours at a time to play on her phone. We have a whole household to run with children and animals and responsibilities, but lately, I have been stuck with it all while she gets lost in “phone land.” I feel like I’m begging her for attention often, and I don’t like that. I have tried talking to her about it, but she just denies it. I’m not talking 30 minutes here and there; I’m talking all day, every day. Its really putting a strain on our relationship as i feel ignored and kinda abandoned. what should i do?

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Have you asked her how she was feeling emotionally? I know I tend out to do those “zoning out “phases when my depression is bad. Also if I have any sort of anxiety, I will pick up my phone because it’s the only thing that will make me comfortable and it’s fast.

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I hear ya with the phone thing

Buy one of those phone locks and do a day a week phone free or no phones until/after a certain time do a planned activity etc such as a walk and no phones etc make it fun.

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Sounds like depression and I’m sorry. Maybe she needs a professional especially if she has a whole family

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Uhm how did my husband find this group lol

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My boyfriend will go into the bathroom and stay in there for 45 minutes to an hour and be on his phone, when he is “using” the bathroom. When he showers it’s an hour long. He always has something running on his phone or is playing a game zoning out. I feel completely ignored all the time. And have told him I feel he is hiding in the bathroom. We have had many conversations about it and he still doesnt care. One time I asked him to not be on his phone for two days but the second day he picked up the phone more. And i got upset about it. He chucked it across the yard like a child. The best thing for you to do is talk to her about it find out what’s going on with her and if it’s something talk it out as much as you can.

I do this when my stress is at a super high level. I have BPD so I deal with Anxiety and depression constantly and my emotions are hard to keep ahold of. I feel guilty for how much time I spend on my phone but some days I’m so mentally exhausted even if I put the phone down I know I wouldn’t get anything done anyways. It becomes an escape from reality really.

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These phones are ruining families! They don,t have time for each other!

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Tell her to get the hell off the phone and to grow up

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I feel like there’s something deeper…

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Get out the hammer. One hit

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Get rid of TicTok and make sure she can’t redownload it

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Danny was this you?! :joy::joy::joy:

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Phones have a graph they keep track of how much time is spent on each app, maybe you guys can open that up and compromise on time spent on each app. Once she sees the hours spent, she will probably be more open to working on this problem

Big problem for a lot !

This is absolutely depression/anxiety rearing it’s ugly head. I do this a lot when my mind is racing or when I am focusing on not focusing on something.

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Sounds like she needs an escape. Provide a safe space for her so her safe space can be with you. Otherwise leave her to it. Sometimes we need a break from the reality.

Ive never been a phone tech loving person
Hate it. But after some majot upset in my situation happened in July last year ive been glued to my phone. I’m aware I do it. I gey up an do stuff around the house but it’s still in my hand. And then days nothing gets done. In very depressed and have ptsd and anxiety and it’s an escape. I only get screamed at to get off mone or called names and belittled and it makes me turn to my phone more. Nobody has asked me why or ehat was wrong and worked to help me wit those terrible days. I even have an autistic son with other challenges andbwe been on the house together all day and night no breaks since march 13th 2020 and it takes its toll too. Try talking to her. He’ll even text her on the phone and go we need to talk I nrrd to know how u are lol. Maybe she embarrassed or something she dpesnt know how or want to say to your face…feels weak for needing a break or time or bad about asking for it so she checks out.

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Give her and ultimatum and if she chooses a device over her family then that falls on her.

This may sound weird, but why dont you text her? Just text her sweet things like the way you feel about her. Ask her to meet you in the bedroom :wink:

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Someone gag this womens spouse! :roll_eyes::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Best to make a arrangement where you both put your phones away and can’t use them. That way she won’t feel like it’s only her who is having to give her phone time up. Like say meal times no phones allowed both turn phones off at a certain time on a evening. First she needs to reduce her phone time slowly and more and more she spends time in the real world she will over comes her internet addiction x

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Treat her like a kid. Take her phone away

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Phones are a big problem. Happens alot in my house. I’m trying to talk and nobody wants to listen so I stop talking to them and do something else. when I start to play on my phone which is usually at the end of the night because I don’t get down time at any other time. Its a problem because I’m on my phone… the beauty of double standards.

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I mean. You could “accidentally” suspend her line :joy:

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You could always shut her phone off and see what she does try making her realize that she’s into it too much . And have people who are around her make her realize what it’s doing to your relationship when people that she’s around even the children the children should come first before a phone worst case scenario if it’s putting the big screen on your relationship I hate to say it but leave if she is not willing to change

It is absolutely an addiction! She is addicted, cold turkey! Start giving her hell!

My husband and I struggled with this both ways. It’s usually when we are going through something outside of our home. Because we both are TERRIBLE at coping mechanisms. Like. Honestly. We KNOW what coping mechanisms will help but we just lack the connection to actually utilize Them.
It’s our escape from feeling overwhelmed. And sometimes the only “outside” type of contact we have.

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That’s how women feel with our husband’s. I’m sure there’s something deeper. I’ll get like this every so often. More of like a severe depression state. Unfortunately, I just over come it. And nothing helps. But I would shut off her phone. Just turn it off. And tell her yall need to talk. Have a heart to heart talk.

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I used to do this when my depression and anxiety was out of control… :flushed:… Talk about that instead of the “phone problem”

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Could she maybe be depressed?

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Might be her escape from life. You both need to have a mature chat about household responsibilities and your roles as this is not healthy but unfortunately affects most families these days

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I’m betting your wife is suffering silently from depression. It’s easier to zone out in “phone land” than it is to face the real issue. Gently suggest she speak with her doctor

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Sometimes moms need a break. How long was she doing it all before she started being obsessed with her phone?

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Really weird seeing the comment section when genders are reversed. I swear, if its a man the comment section is vicious.

This seems to be more compassionate.
I get the whole needing a break.
I just feel so bad for the kids because this happens so much more than we’d like to admit

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Knock it out of her hands when u have had enough

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Neglect in relationship affects more than just the spouse… this is sad and I hope she can tone it down

Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her like you wrote this post that it is straining your marriage.

Austin did you turn in a post about me? Lol

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Dont pay the phone bill easy

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My partner says I’m on my phone ALL DAY when realistically its only when he wants me not to be on it… how many times does she try and have a conversation with you and its made short and sweet? She’s likely depressed and stressed to the max. Go and speak with her about anything other than problems. do something nice for her and stop crying because your not waited on hand & foot. How many times has she been the one who has done everything?? Get a grip.

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Start with no phone and or electronics days. My husband and I talked about Wednesday & Sunday phone free days for us & the kids. We never started it but our phones aren’t that bad of an issue either

She’s depressed and trying to cope. I play on my phone more when I’m depressed than anytime else.

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The phone is her coping mechanism. I’m sure she feels stressed and she’s found that keeps her sane. She might have depression. only a counselor can diagnose that. Maybe she’s just fed up and overwhelmed of being a mom, a wife, and a caregiver. Try to do the things you did when you were trying to make her your girlfriend. Make her feel appreciated.

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If this was the other way around you’d all be saying his cheating 100% but being a woman she’s just depressed…

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More than likely depression. I know multiple people personally (myself included) that dont touch their phone nearly as much if they are in a happy, healthy mind set. What’s difficult about it is that sometimes there isnt a direct reason to the depression so it’s often hard to pull through it.

Try talking to her and asking why she’s on her phone. I know with me I get like that when I’m depressed ill will even get on Netflix or YouTube and 4 hours will go by and I don’t even know what I watched but I needed the distractions from my thoughts. So it may be a depression thing that she needs some help with. It even an addiction she needs help with but the only way to find out is to talk without comming off mad just telling her your concerns

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Throw her phone away.

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Honestly I’m always on my phone like this, but I still make sure dinner is done and the house is picked up MOST days. But it’s been really bad the last year and a half because I’m so depressed from moving across the country away from my family. When I’m depressed I go straight for my phone. Maybe she needs to go to a therapist

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Tell her enough is enough. Does she work? If not and you pay the bill, turn her Data off and only have her phone active for phone calls… I know it seems harsh but maybe that’ll make her realize that it was truly a problem

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Record her if she claims it’s not happening. Record how long it takes for her to realize you’re watching her. She needs to see if from your eyes. Saying she must just need a break because at some point or another she was probably parenting alone without dad’s help is absurd. Lmfao. You dont get “breaks” from the responsibilities of your children :rofl: If you’re present, be present. Your kids deserve better.

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You can pull the records and it will show how many hours she is on it. Sounds to me like she has bigger problems going on than that phone.

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She sounds depressed

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Addiction, bad coping habits, and depression has the same reaction from the people that go through the loss of someone or something. 5 stages od a survivor Denial, bargaining, sad. Sorry don’t remember the rest. But got to get her to except she needs better coping skills and that you will be there to help.

Days when I am on the phone a lot are days I am stressed to the max. Maybe start trying to get her off it with a date night. She turns her phone off or keeps it muted,you do the same with your phone, and you both go out to eat together . Or…maybe go do something as a family. Visit a zoo…do more outdoor stuff together. Try to plant a garden, go get a massage together…find a movie you want to watch. Talk to her about it and try to figure out what is stressing her out so bad and get her away for awhile to relax.

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Maybe she needs a break? Like a real break? I’m guilty of this at times because I literally just need a break and to reboot and don’t get it anymore. I get overwhelmed and decide to scroll fb or go online and try to get ideas for how to make things easier on myself (like with organization around the house so it doesn’t feel so cluttered, ideas for how to handle my anxiety better, ideas to try with the kids if certain things just aren’t working in our household, etc). I admit I get lost in my phone sometimes as a result. Which I know isn’t the best coping mechanism, because I really just need a break, but my therapist said it’s healthier than other coping mechanisms too. Maybe see how you can get her an actual break and make sure a break from everything is what she is needing.

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Steven Thompson must be get advice here

Why everyone saying she depressed end day plenty suffer depression but have so thing’s around the house kids etc go on phone yes but some live in it even when wake up through the night wee have got used to it but what wee do before they came about wee talked

My husband. He’s addicted to stupid phone games. Annoying.

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:rofl:how different things are now that it’s a woman in the wrong. So if a man was addicted to his phone or video games would it be depression?

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Phone addiction is a real thing. Give her some flowers to catch her attention and tell her you miss your time together. Then propose that from certain times you’d like you both to put up your phones to spend quality time together, either doing chores together or just enjoy each other’s company. It’s a hard habit to break I have to have certain times that I don’t use my phone because it is addicting. I hate it I’ve noticed I have a very patient fiancee he knows I haven’t been myself lately. Be spontaneous and charming.

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So I am like this my SO sat me down along with his family (because we live near them) and they explained that im on my phone all the time and told me that I would lose my family if I didn’t slow down after that it hit me hard im still on my phone alot but definitely not as much as I use to im hoping to get it to were im hardly ever on it

For those who are laughing at this post… wth could possibly be funny about this person asking for help with a very real problem. Hopefully nobody is so rude to you when you need advice for a problem. I don’t understand people sometimes…

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Stop paying for said phone…problem solved. She must not have a job if thats all she does

I know people like that as well even out to dinner concerts on phone and think all the junk is so funny everyone want to see or hear it.

It’s been a hard year. Alot of people,myself included, are indulging more in escapism activities. I really dont have any advice. I’m literally drowning in the monotony this year has brought. I literally can do like 1 thing I enjoyed outside of the house before covid. I miss so much. I think collectively we are all coping the best we can. I’d recommend therapy but honestly this year just makes me think what even is the point. It’s been a hard year, many people are struggling.

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Get a timer sit it next to her and turn it on, so she can see how long she is on it. Stop, when she stops and resume when she does. Not sure it will help but it would be interesting to see how long she’s on it. Might be a wake up call for her. 🤷

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My ex was like that with our computer and playstation. It got to the point that if he was home he was playing some kind of electronics. We fought so much about it. I tried to explain how it made me feel. That he was neglecting me and our kids. It would be ok for a little while then right back to the way it was. I almost left so many times. I was so disgusted with him. It killed my self esteem because he would rather play video games than spend time with me. We basically completely stopped communicating and pretty much just became roommates that barely spoke. That isn’t what ended our relationship, but it would have eventually. My advice would be to try talking to her about it first. If that doesn’t work suggest some kind of therapy. If she refuses then it probably will never change. It can be an addiction just like drugs or alcohol and can ruin all your relationships.

take the kids go on a vacation have someone come look after the animals i bet she wouldnt notice

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https://answers.mamasuncut.com/search?q=spouse%20phone

It’s time to give her an ultimatum… you or the phone. have her set a timer each day and for so.many hours she cant use the phone at all. Have the kids tell her that they want her to spend time with them not just her phone…

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Time her. So she can’t deny it. Give her proof to show her how much she’s on it, maybe she’ll realize it’s a problem.
She has to be fully aware of what she’s doing if she’s going to stop.
People can get addicted to anything, so watch carefully because she might trade the phone out for something else.

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Go into setting and open up her screen time activity and discuss it. She can’t deny it once she’s got the facts in front of her. I did that once and was shocked to look at how many hours I had spent on my phone and I wasn’t even that bad but I wash shocked at what else I could have achieved with those hours I had spent doing nothing on my phone

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Don’t shoot me! I have done this because I couldn’t cope anymore with the kids the mess the everything with a house and family it was fo much my phone was my safe zone it consumed me. Don’t judge her she know she is doing it. She needs a break from somthing I’m her life and help.

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Pack up your family leave while shes so called watching see how long it takes her to notice youve left. Go to freinds or familys make her come and offer her appology maybe?

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This was a problem I was very bad at in my marriage too

Marriage counseling . It will help ! They can help with all of this . Marriage counseling benefits many people at different stages of their lives . Also , you can find one your insurance will pay for .

Text her, send her pics of what yall.are doing in life and what she is missing out on, say hey wanna join us and send pics of yall

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That’s like way too much phone time Fr and to be ignoring not good id definitely make sure she’s not suffering mentally but even than it’s not that healthy to be that zoned out in your phone I suffer mentally but I definitely don’t zone out because I have kids and I’m not on my phone that much try texting her sweet things and see if you get a reaction you might have to have a serious talk or just up and leave for the day see if she notices because she shouldn’t be checking out that dang much

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She’s trying to use her phone as a distraction and escape. Sometimes women can get overwhelmed with their home lives - especially during a pandemic. It’s generally the first sign of depression and anxiety. I’d suggest asking her how she feels, really feels, then seek therapy.

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Start small. Ask her to for a half hour of no screens. Everyone turns off their screens in the house, including kiddos.

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Definitely try marriage counselling! I understand the comments saying “maybe she needs a break and needs to run away from everything” but it sounds like a serious addiction that’s forming! I will admit that in my relationship I was huge on my phone to the point where I was spending 8-9 hours a day on it, I just couldn’t get away, but the thing was I knew how bad it was getting. You really need to sit her down and have a clear cut conversation about how it’s making you feel and the amount of strain it’s put on you, everyone’s feelings should be valid, but tell her that his is something that can potentially build up and force the marriage apart. I hope you can work through things! Technology and social media in this day and age is so focussed on and it keeps us connected to the world around us but not the people in front of us…

Take it out to the street and run it over. Then back up and reverse. Repeat step one until shattered.

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Put a video camera in the main area she sits on her phone and video tape it. With time stamp

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When my husband is on his PlayStation to much I will unplug it. Hide her phone and say we need to talk if she can’t find it she can’t be on it. Probably not the best idea but it will get her attention one way or another.

Get over it? This whole thing seems like an over exaggeration. Sounds like she needs time to herself and she’s using her phone as an out.

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Are the kids being ignored and the household by her? If so maybe she is addicted to it and may need to talk to someone about it. If not then maybe it’s her way to escape and you just need a little more attention(which is ok). Ask her for 30 minutes - an hour after the kids go to bed, maybe start with doing something she likes that doesn’t involve electronics (puzzle, reading, talking, coloring) and that way you can start down a slow path where you feel like you are getting what you want and she feels you are trying to be with her. For me my phone is my escape, some days I need it more than others but I do get my things done as a mom, student and wife. With everything this past year I’m sure we are all pulled to our phone a tad more than normal but it’s not going to be a constant thing. I hope you and your wife can figure out a path to help you guys!

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Disconnect her phone, especially if your paying for it.

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Take the dame phone away and tell her that she has responsibilities and after the kids go to bed she can have it back

Depression. For some reason she feels life exists inside her phone instead of the actual life going on around her.

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I did it this had to delete games on my phone I would sit there playing them all day. Just talk to her about it .

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Have a heart to heart!!! :cupid:

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My husband is on the phone all the time and it gets me fn mad it’s bull shit

Show her her screen time of how many hours a day she’s sitting on her phone

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This was my mother growing up, she never looked up from her phone I’m so thankful iPhones didn’t exist back then, I can only imagine how much worse it would’ve been. I’m sorry, tell her your kids are only little for so long and by the time she looks up from her phone they’ll be gone

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BOTH of you give up your phones. Don’t ask someone to do something you wouldn’t be willing to do also. IE—establish times to be on your phone, get rid of all the game and social medial apps, etc…
Be the example of what you want her to be. Can’t hold someone to a higher standard than yourself.
And then find ways to fill in the time— cook meals together, have family game night, go for a walk together, have date night, watch a movie, anything.

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Wow some of these comments are ridiculous! If it was a woman on here complaining about her man being on his phone for hours a day or not paying attention to her at all you all would be telling her " leave him, he is not interested, he’s cheating on you blah blah blah!" I too find myself a little addicted to my phone and regret it but still do it. It’s like a drug and I almost miss the days I had a flip phone. It’s hard to separate yourself from it when your life ends up running off it. So much of life wasted on staring at a screen and reading people’s posts and comments that don’t even care about you but will judge you when in reality you actually have a family that is craving your time and attention. Get real people! I too am also guilty!

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Get a lock box and only you have the combination. Set times for when it’s OK and not Ok to be on the phone. Do you have a chore chart for everyone? She should be doing her half of the chores, so if she doesn’t have any gold stars she needs to step up. If the chores aren’t done she can’t have her phone back until they’re completed.

Also, are you having any fun? Do you have family time when you all take a walk outside? Read a story together? Go to an amusement park or other fun family place? Can you plan a trip to the beach? Go out for ice cream or pizza, bowling, a big-screen movie or karaoke? Play musical chairs but instead of people being “out” everyone has to sit on laps as there are fewer and fewer chairs. Balance out the drudgery of every day by injecting fun into your week where you put the phones away.

When you do chores, maybe do it in pairs so everyone has a partner, and has to tell a joke. Play fun music, sing, or whistle and hum while you work. Get cute scrubbers, fun foam cleaners, put a basketball hoop over the washer, or count points for getting tossed clothes into the dryer. Fold laundry in front of the TV, see if everyone can put their clean clothes away NEATLY before the end of a song.

Develop scenarios like, the Queen/king is coming and the house & animals need to be ready, or let everyone hunt for a hidden quarter/dollar after the chores are done, or hide coins in places where chores need to be done: back of the toilet, inside lid of the clothes or dish washing machine, inside a clothes drawer, bottom of the dog’s dish or cat’s litter box, table leg for dusting, etc. Only if the chore is done to your satisfaction can the person keep the change.

Talk to your spouse and her doctor about getting screened for depression. If she’s super resistant to cutting back on the phone addiction, stage an intervention with family, friends and a professional. Make sure she understands it’s because she’s loved and you all care. Marriage counseling might also be helpful.

Good luck!

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At least she ain’t fucking some man