I have been married for 6 years. In this time I have separated from my husband 3 times. Only weeks at a time. I currently work two days a week at a small shop and baby sit at home basically doing it for free because I just wanted to help the parents out. My husband is currently fighting to keep his kids because the other mom thinks he is abusive and doesn’t want the kids around him. I have been wanting to leave for years but I am financially dependent on him. I have family but their situation is even more unhealthy for my children. I currently am working on my credit because my student loans didn’t get paid on time while I was a single mom and are a huge ding on my credit summary. They are all paid off but the history is there for 7 years. I have little to no support system when it comes to having someone baby sit. I can currently find a job but my husband would be mad at me and there isn’t a way to keep it a secret so I could save up and leave. I’m just wandering how others got themselves and their children out of these kind of situations. I have four boys. Two school ages two under school aged. I have tried to find rentals before but I have been denied because I have to many kids for them to want in their house. I’m really just feeling overwhelmed and scared
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Need advice, I'm overwhelmed and scared
Look in to programs that can help you. In my state for example there is an entire apartment building for mother and their kids to live in and get back on their feet. They offer day care and lots more. Is your husband abusive? If so I’m sure there are even more programs to assist you. Good luck and hope everything goes well. This isn’t unfixable you just have to find the right resources.
Go to your local women shelter that specializes in domestic violence and ask them for help. Also do not tell your husband anything about you wanting to leave. Also the other mom probably has reasons to try and keep the kids away from him. There’s a reason you’re scared and wanting to leave your husband also which backs up why the other mom wants her kids away from him. The reason I say this is because of one thing you said “ I can currently find a job but my husband would be mad at me and there isn’t a way to keep it a secret so I could save up and leave” …. Why would he be mad? I think I already know the answer which is abusive men do not like nor want their wife or girlfriend to have a way to their own money for it’s harder for them to leave.
Please look into getting help from a domestic violence shelter and if you’re truly scared of him please look into filing a protection order against him for you and the children and child support and alimony against him also. You can do this I promise. I did it twice and I’m grateful I got out of both relationships cause I would’ve died so please listen staying with abusive men for financial dependency will make things worse in the end so please get out
It’s illegal for them to deny you based on how many children you have. It falls under discrimination. Landlords can’t ask you to put children’s names on the lease either.
As long as you aren’t breaking occupancy requirements, they can’t say anything.
There are shelters for domestic abuse victims. All you need to do is reach out. Any doctor, cop, fireman, etc can help you find those resources and get you and your kids to safety.
There is a program in Texas where you apply for daycare and you can get it for free or more than half covered. I apply and I’m currently in a waiting list. Im not sure which state you at but get yourself encouraged for your kiddos girl you can do it! Stay strong
Contact a DV shelter. They will get you out quickly. Follow their rules & program. They can get you an apartment. It’s not fun or easy but it’ll benefit you & your kids greatly.
Sounds like he is abusing you. Leave and go to a dv shelter, they have all the resources you need.
Tell the people u are currently babysitting for, u need paid weekly. And save ever dime. Or stop babysitting the child, and find someone else who will pay. And save save save. And just tell ur husband they throw u money here and there like the other parents…but in reality ur paid weekly. Secretly save it all. Once u get a couple thousand, start looking for a cheap place. Create a fake fb account if u have to, in order to post online in local areas, listing sites that may be on social media (so u can go undetected by him) I’d look into any government assistance you may be eligible for as well. Often times there’s waiting lists for things such as housing. Go NOW and apply so u could be on the list. Good luck!
You can’t get a full time job because he will be mad at you? That’s abuse. That’s him controlling you. That’s him ensuring that you need him and will never be able to leave him because you’re dependent on him. I would suggest that you tell the people you’re babysitting for, that you’re going to have to start charging them. Give them like a 2 week notice. If they aren’t willing to pay, inform them that they will need to make other child care arrangements. Then get yourself a full time job. Reach out for assistance. Every city/state has some form of food assistance, medical assistance, child care assistance, even cash assistance. Where I live, we have an agency called Community Action Council that puts people in contact with landlords and rental properties. They even help with security deposit and 1st months rent. You have options. You just need to find the courage to utilize those options. Let your safety and happiness as well as the safety and happiness of your children be your motivation. In the mean time, if your husband becomes abusive, call the cops… every time he does something. Get it documented and if you need to, file a restraining order. That’ll get him temporarily removed from the house and give you some peace while you figure it all out.
You definitely need to get away from your partner that is not even up for debate. You need to start charging the going rate for daycare or get a job. It sounds like your partner is very controlling when you say that he will get mad if you get a job?? That’s a red flag right there. Just tell him you want to help out financially. You also mentioned that you have been married only 6 years and that you have left for weeks at a time, boy there is really something that isn’t right. If you have done that before you must know what piece of mind you enjoyed being away from him. I would start to do my research about where you can go such as a shelter temporarily and perhaps speak to a lawyer about your rights. If you own a house he will have to give you half and you will get child support and spousal support since you don’t work. This is not a good situation for you or your kids. You said you have wanted to leave him for years so you obviously know what you need to do. Do what’s right and leave for all concerned, just get the legwork going. May God bless you and your kids.
I don’t see where she said anything about DV.
If he is abusive in any way, maybe a woman’s shelter, they can help
If he’s abusive,Domestic violence shelter. I lived in one for 3 1/2 months. Got housing through them and everything. Good luck
There are plenty of programs out there to help you out. If you want to leave, leave. Do not stay in a situation that brings you fear or unhappiness. Are the children your husband’s? If so get child support as soon as you get settled. You can do this.
Go to a woman’s shelter they have tons of information to help
Contact the department of human services in your state and find out about applying for low housing. Most have websites where you can do that online. You can apply for medical, food, daycare and cash assistance if needed. Just apply for you and your kids. Shelters can help also until you are in housing. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do until you can get back on your feet.