I have a 5 year old daughter. I have been seeing someone who has 2 daughters as well. One is 5 and the other is 7. We have been discussing the topic of moving in together. But we cannot agree on bedroom situations.
Currently he has a 2 story home with 4 bedrooms. The master, the guest room, an office, and his daughters room that they currently share. (He also only has them every other weekend) We are in a constant disagreement about the bedroom situation for the girls. I feel like moving in my daughter should take the guest room. And his daughters keep their room as is.
He feels his oldest should get the guest room and the two youngest share a room.
I need opinions and advice on this. My daughter will be giving up her home and her own space and moving into their world. She will also be with us full time. His two will be with us every other weekend and already share a room together.
I think until she becomes comfortable with his girls if ever she should have own especially if she lives with you full time. he can sacrifice office and all girls get a room.
Check the laws in your state. Things may have changed, but in some areas children can’t share a room unless they are biologically related. If the 2 of you can’t agree on this, you may want to think of every other part of living together and discuss those as well.
I agree with you… it doesn’t make sense to leave an empty room for the oldest daughter when she is only there 6 days a month if your daughter is going to be living there full time.
Is he actually having trouble understanding how your daughter would need to have her own space, especially initially? He has all that space and is unwilling to share? Sorry to say he sounds inconsiderate and thoughtless. Trust me these things, although manifest small right now, lead to bigger issues. Idk if I’d want to move my children into a situation with a step-dad figure who makes selfish decisions instead of compassionate ones.
So if he gets to make decisions about how everyone in the home will live then you aren’t moving in together, you are staying at his place. I probably wouldn’t go ahead with this. Your daughter does not deserve to be forced to share space with someone she doesn’t know.
If your arguing over something so trivial, maybe you better stay put, and tell him your not ready to move in, obviously he isn’t ready either, who started this conversation…sounds like some one is either desperate or looking for convince without compromise.
Nope. This shouldn’t even be an issue. Your daughter deserves a full time room to herself. I understand his reasoning for wanting his oldest to have her own room instead BUT she isn’t there physically at the house enough. If he wants all of the girls to be happy, they should each have their own room.
If they are only there every other weekend then your daughter will still have her own space.
The oldest child should have their own room.
Can she not handle a sleepover every other weekend?? It’s really only 4-6 days a month. Seems petty to argue over that.
I mean that’s how I would do it. My ex husbands house is like that (except it’s all his children no bonus) my/our 12 yr has her own (same at mine), our 10yr old shares with their 6yr old sister. (The other two he has is a boy (hes got his own rm, and a nb girl which is with them I’m assume) my 10yr old has her own for now but eventually will share with my soon to be 3yr old as I’m gonna have another very soon in the next few days. (Mine are all girls) oldest deserves own
Oldest child shud have her own space an your daughter will only be sharing every other weekend he needs to give up his office an let them all have a room an end the argument I mean if he wanted a happy healthy relationship u can make a office in the basement in your own bedroom anywhere in the house just like your daughter is giving up everything the other children lives are also changing alot an now they have to give up something honestly to end it all it’s 4 bdrms with 3 kids his office would have to kiss my ass an that be that…
The younger ones have to have that relationship to feel as tho they can handle the move and the oldest and her sister have to have that letting go part or it will have a huge impact
The oldest should definitely get her own room. If you plan to move together, all the kids should get treated equally. That would mean the oldest would get the room.
Wait until your daughter has to ask permission to eat…or is yelled at by him for not cleaning her plate… trouble on the herizon…believe me…There is also going to be resentment coming from his two daughters…cause your daughter gets their daddy all the time now…the I don’t want her to mess with my stuff while I’m away goings on…from the other children…when there at Moms…
Why can’t the sisters continue to share? He didn’t have a problem with it prior to the discussion of you all living together. If he did then he has other rooms that either one of his daughters could of had as their own.
I feel ur daughter should have her own room to start and possibly later she shares with the other 5 year old but if he isnt going to compromise its not going to work
Dont do it!!! Do not!!! your daughter is more important than your personal pleasure and relationship with any man, ever!!
he is already setting you up for failure and conflicted drama with your own child. he is dictating and deciding for your child, he is subjugating your daughter to second!!
he is not her father or parent!! he gets no say, ever! this is your child, your baby!! do not do this
Wow so much over thinking on here!
Your daughter will have her own room a majority of the time so will probably think it’s great sharing with her new friend for a sleepover every other weekend
I see both you and his opinions… moving is a big step and hard on Littles… maybe make a compromise and let the his girls continue to share and urs have her own till they are use to having everyone there and then move the younger own together… but if you can’t agree on anything and compromise then you should wait to move in
Your daughter should have her own bedroom since it’s a new environment making her share space with someone she doesn’t know it’s bad enough everything feels scary and new for her plus the oldest is there 4 days a month she doesn’t need her own room
Don’t force it yet, hopefully as they get older they can be good friends and will class every 2nd weekend as “friends sleepovers” and want to share anyways …forcing it will make it worse
Maybe the excuses are because he is not ready for you to move in. If he was ready and wanted the living situation he would accommodate every space available
There is space for them to have a room each. Refusing to give up an office is, in my opinion, a red flag.
However, as his girls already share - I’d agree that your daughter should have the guest room. Less change at the one time for all 3 girls.
I agree with him. The two youngest should share a room and oldest gets the other bedroom. I think the problem is being a little selfish on your part because your daughter is giving up her house and room. Not her choice that’s your choice. It will be fun for both the girls to have the room because they’re both the same age besides it’s like her having her own room anyway because the other girl is not gonna be there all the time
Make it fun. Redo the room for the two of them to share. Both little girls would probably love it and redo the room for the oldest. Huge bonding moments
I have been through similar. The oldest should have her own room and I’m afraid you’re asking for huge resentment. Its Definitely tough meshing families but if there’s already trouble be careful.
I would just tell him you won’t move in unless your daughter gets her own room. She deserves her own space and so do his girls. Don’t put your self and your daughter in a situation you both can’t get out of. Good luck
From the perspective of my own kids - they go to their dads every other weekend as well… the two children who live there permanently have their own rooms, but my kids don’t. My son is in the “study” attached to the garage and my daughter has a make shift room in the lounge - literally 2 walls and a door… no windows or privacy etc…… they hate it…. They feel like they are just visiting…. Not part of the family…. So you don’t want the “visiting” children to feel like this also…… just a thought from a different perspective
How does your daughter feel about moving? How does your daughter and his daughters get along? What are all of the kids thoughts? Personally I think he should give up the office and each one has their own room unless his two enjoy sharing a room together. Everyone’s lives will be changing. You don’t want resentment on either end. Also, if he only has them every other weekend which ever room is the biggest one of his daughters should have that but also keep it half an office? Like compromise…in a sense?!
There are enough rooms that everyone should have their own room honestly. You did leave out pertinent info however that would factor into this…how do the 2 younger ones get along now? How does your daughter feel about moving in his house? Why doesn’t the oldest already have her own room if it’s such a big deal? I really think you guys should hold off for now, clearly even if you live there it will be his house, his rules.
I agree with you… how well do the girls know each other, how long have you been together, are they friends? These play a very important roll in this question… if you break up… the girls will also experience a loss of each other… as well as hopes for a 2 parent family…
Your daughter should have her own room and privacy instead of having the other girls come in and out every other weekend and invade her things, better yet there’s enough room for everyone to have their own room.
What about all three girls sharing one room and using the other bedroom as more of a playroom or an actual guest bedroom? I shared a room with my sisters, there were three of us, until I turned 12. Then I got my own room. But some of our most favorite memories are of when we all shared!
I honestly think if he has 4 rooms they can have there own rooms, even if he only has his girls every other weekend they need to feel comfortable and enjoy it. My son slept on the couch at his dad’s and hated it… make them enjoy the time. 4 rooms the eldest can have her own space and enjoy it same for the younger two.
Makes sense to give her her own room since she’ll b there fulltime…I have 2 young daughters and they’d rather bunk then have separate rooms…as young as they are I’m sure it won’t b a problem
Just don’t move in. It shouldn’t even be a consideration if he won’t listen to what you know is best for your child. Why argue about this with him. If his daughters already share then nothing changes for them if your daughter takes the guest room. If he’s telling you what should happen with your child before even moving in you have some serious thinking to do.
if it’s every other weekend you’re daughter is having some one her own age (like a friend sleep over) in the same room and oldest gets own room i wouldn’t have a issue with that
Not going to work out. It’s not fair to any of the children. The failed marriages of the parents shouldn’t burden these children. I feel so badly for all of them. Don’t experiment with their lives. Very sad situation.
If he wanted his oldest to have her own room then he would have moved her to another room already dont make the two 5 year olds possibly feel uncomfortable in a new situation since the two sisters already share leave it as is for the time being and give your daughter her own room, this move will be a big change for all the kids already dont make it traumatic once moved in as things progress and become more familiar for everyone then think about making the switch
I agree with him. You’re moving into THEIR space. You’re the one choosing to uproot and move your daughter. His kids are probably going to struggle adjusting to it just as much as your own.
Regardless of how often they’re there, it’s there home before yours so they shouldn’t have to give up their room but your dd should have tge guest room. Regards his office, as the girls friend, get more stuff, become more independent and want privacy, they’ll all eventually want their own rooms chances are so in the long term he may have to give up the office and utilise another space but fir now, if you were to move in, your dd in the guest is the common sense option. If he won’t budge, do t move. You and your dd are giving up everything to live with him, he has to accept compromise and if he can’t/wont, it’s not a good idea to move in. There will always be an issue with layout
I’d say the oldest gets her own room and the two littles share. Or change the office back to a bedroom and they’ll all have their own space. However, if his girls are only there every other weekend I don’t see an issue with the two littles sharing. It’ll be your daughter’s own room most of the time
Your daughter is 5 I’m sure she dont mind roomie with his little one, that’s there every other weekend…
His house his rules !! Is what Im seeing in this situation
Do not move in until this is figured out. Maybe he needs to move out from their home as well and find something that works for both sets of kids. What have you guys discussed about blending the family? There’s a lot more than just moving in together and hoping the kids can cohabitate.
