Needing advice about my stepdaughter

I need some advice from my 18-year-old stepdaughter. She barely comes around, and it’s been that way since she was 15. She says it’s because she is not comfortable at our house. My husband and I have done everything to make her comfortable. She was upset at Christmas because my husband decided not to get her anything because she hadn’t come over or talked to him for over six months. They talked, and she promised to come over every other Saturday from 11-5. She came one time and then for her birthday in March. My husband went all out for it because it was her 18th. She hasn’t been back. Now it’s time for her graduation, and he’s going in with her mom to throw her a huge graduation party. He has tried for a week to get ahold of her with no response. He wants to give her $500 for graduation, and I just don’t agree with giving her that much based on the fact that she never comes around. She refuses to get a job. She has a car that we got her for her 16th birthday. It has expired tags and no insurance right now. Her mom and stepdad just bought an RV and are moving to the lake to live, and my stepdaughter says she will not move there. My husband told her she is welcome to come live with us! She said no because we won’t let her drink or smoke in our home! It has caused some issues between us. Any advice on handling this situation is greatly appreciated.

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Let it be your husbands decision for the gifts. Its best to not even have an opinion. As far as her moving in, thats where I would take my stand.

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It’s his daughter and if he wants to give her that as a gift I would let him.

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She is 18, she don’t need to be drinking nor smoking anyways in your home. Your home your rules. Stick by them, or she will take advantage of you. Let her learn what life is all about. I’m a mother of 5! 3 in there 20s. They didn’t like my rules. They have all moved out. Now just working to keep the 2 youngers from not liking my rules. :rofl::pray: best of luck.

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Y’all have given enough.

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Keep the money, and tell her to figure it out then. It’s hard but if she needs a place she will come back.

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Let him give what he wants for graduation. Graduation from high school happens once in a lifetime. At the very least she could use it for tags and insurance.

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See if husband would take the $500 and re new her tags and get her car insurance started that way you both know where it went or use it as a deposit for an efficient apartment for her . Once she has bills she has to keep up with them. Just a thought :thought_balloon:

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Umm :thinking: I’m sure u don’t want to hear this but the phone works both ways so does her dad call her? I also don’t think her coming over or not should have made him not get anything for Christmas. My daughter never goes to her dads, she never calls her dad, I expect him to make the effort considering he’s the parent and she’s 17. I as her mother do still expect he gets her a Christmas, birthday gift etc etc. if she didn’t live with me she probably wouldn’t make time for me either I mean she’s 17 going on 18 with her own life at this point

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If he wants to give his daughter that amount of money then I’d let him. It’s her graduation :woman_shrugging:

Moving in well I’d have her move in too if she has no where to go, she’s your husbands daughter. Would just expect her to follow some house rules.

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I’d stay out of it all until it came to moving in our home.

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She should not be faulted for “not coming around” often as a teenager/young adult. Those years are difficult and it sounds like this situation is complex. Even if you feel that you did everything you could to make her feel welcome her feelings around being uncomfortable at your home are still valid. I would try and approach that with curiosity instead of getting defensive. Your husband should be celebrating her graduation and continuing to foster a relationship with her even if her behavior in recent years hasn’t been pleasing to you. It sounds like family counseling would be super beneficial. Good luck!

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I moved out of my dads place when I was 17 and visited a bit but not much but every year he has bought me things for Christmas and such. My brother left when he was about 16, dad again still bought him presents once my brother left he never returned and in July he had taken his own life. My dad has a Christmas and birthday present for him from every year. Some parents feel the need to give gifts regardless. Let them give them while they can. And all I can say is maybe try getting through to her another way.

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$500 is really generous considering my son graduated last year and we gave him $200. I would make your feelings be known to him that you don’t want him to give it to her but as harsh as this might sound it’s his decision whether he gives it to her or not. Does he reach out to her like before this past week when he’s called in no response. About the whole moving in thing I completely agree with you I have a child who’s going to be 19 in July and one who will be 18 in 2 weeks they still live with us and they still follow rules. She’s going to learn the hard way that she is not going to make it without help. Especially if she doesn’t have a job. I know a lot of parents don’t let their kids work or make their kids work however that was a stipulation with our kids that if they wanted to drive and be on the insurance policy they had to pay for their portion of the insurance. Some may not agree with us but we feel that it makes them better understand a little bit of what will happen when they do eventually move out because you have bills that have to be paid.

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Wow the only thing you should be aloud any say so about is your home
At the end of the day that is his child let him do what he wants for his child

This is why I will stay married until my kids are both 18 if I need too

Step parents scare me

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Stay out of it, it’s much easier. Let him deal with her the way he sees fit. Sounds like to me she just wants to do what she wants to do…and that’s not following your house hold rules! Give her the money $ and always have gifts for her. She’s young and one day she’ll probably changer her mind, and that’s ok too.

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I stopped reading at, “I don’t agree with giving her that much,because she never comes around”, who cares. It’s his daughter and it’s graduation. He should definitely give her that.

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My 2 girls have a step-mom and I had one for many years. Allow the father and daughter to have alone time. Encourage him to meet her for lunch or take her to a movie ALONE with him. She may not be coming around because, she just wants to have some time with her dad by herself. At least that’s what my girls tell me about their step-mother.She’s up their father’s ass and they feel like they have to pretend they want to be around her too which makes them never want to visit and when they do it’s not for long.

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She is 18 and sounds like a spoiled brat that uses people. Quit giving in to her and let her live life on her own and then maybe she will appreciate what others do for her

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Just a heads up… that $500 will be spent on alcohol, weed or other drugs. I’m not here to bash on smoking, I’m 21, I have my own house that is paid off, my car is paid off, I have a job, and my daughter has everything she could ever need or want. You better believe I step out for a smoke session. The difference? I paid for it with my money that I work for, after my responsibilities are taken care of. Seems like she is jumping from place to place wherever she can get what she wants, money, a place to party, etc. I’ve been on my own since 15, but I’ve worked everyday since then, and I proud of who I have become. I would never recommend putting a child out the way my mom did, she found a man and went. Maybe talk about paying 2 months rent on an apartment, try to set her up with a job interview. She is 18, and right now she is just believing the world will just hand her everything. After those two months of paid rent is up, she will be evicted if she doesn’t have the money to cover rent. It may sound harsh, but she will not learn any other way. I know I have went without, and I have lost things because I couldn’t afford them at certain times, and that only drove me to work harder. Now I have peace of mind knowing my house is mine, my car is mine, and I have a stable income knowing I’ll still have water, food and power. Life is hard, as others have mentioned. Put that $500 for her birthday towards an apartment, and let her experience “real life” after high school. That tune she is singing will change to a melody. Best of luck to you, bonus mama :two_hearts:

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She’s a teenager she’s probably busy. I doubt she’s at moms house a lot either unless it’s to sleep. And that’s probably just because it’s closer to all her friends, school, job, etc. Her father could as easily call her too. You’re not being very fair IMO

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Stay out of it ,no you don’t want her in your house. She’s a problem and you’ll live a living hell ,to the point, you will be fighting with your husband.

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It’s her money too not just the husbands. They are a partnership not the husband rules the home. It doesn’t sound like you just came into the family a year ago and are trying to implement your thoughts! I would have gotten her Christmas regardless but 500 is a lot for a child who more than likely will blow it on drinking and smoking. Come to a compromise with your husband like 100 now and 400 when she decides to go to college. Or pay for tags on her car plus 100 dollars. He is already helping with her party. She should be great full for anything she gets and not just expect to be giving money whenever she pleases.

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I think you need to stay out of the mans relationship with his child.

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entitled child she should not be given anything without a job

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Her Christmas present is conditional?

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Let him give what he wants. You have said your concerns, but ultimately that is his child. He will come around…or not. But this isn’t a fight you want to get into. I have been the child and she lost, so as the stepmom to an older teen/adult child, I know that no matter what I lose.

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Sounds like shes a little entitled and a brat. Dont give in she needs to learn what lifes about before it creeps up and bites her in the ass! I was the little entitled bratty girl and it taught me absolutely nothing except how to be a spoiled adult and it did me no favors when i had to grow up and learn to be an adult! Teach her now or shes in for a rude awakening, been there done that!!

I mean this in the nicest way, seriously, I’ve been there, done that. You will not “win” no matter how old she is or the situation…that’s his daughter. Seems like there’s alot of hurt going on between them and THEY need to work on that issue.
Just stand by him even when you’re not ok with what he does for his child… That’s the only way you will stay married.

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Personally, I don’t base my children’s gifts on if they come around and see me often. Late teens early 20s they are usually busy running around with their friends. However, not talking to me or returning my calls would bother me. Tough one.

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I’m coming from the other side. My daughter is exactly like that with her father. I literally have to make her go spend time with him. She’s 13 and since he’s gotten a new girlfriend and they moved in together she wants nothing to do with them. She also tells me she feels uncomfortable at their house. Anywho viewing it from then”mothers” side, STAY out of it. If he wants to give her money LET HIM. That’s his child. Regardless of whatever!

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As a step mom it isn’t your place to put your thoughts in. I came from a very similar situation growing up. Except my stepmom and sad went above and beyond for her kids elaborate vacations… new cars… the whole 9. When I would go around i clearly was treated differently. And i hated going because I did feel so uncomfortable. The fact that she didn’t get anything for Christmas is heartbreaking. Teenage girls are busy and emotional.

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Wow this sounds like my upbringing. My dads house was the “stable household” and I could do whatever I wanted at my moms. Chances are she has feelings of being unloved or not part of your family. Try making her more apart of it. The fact that you guys didn’t get her anything for Christmas but invited her to watch everyone else open their gifts, is just gross. & this is your husbands child, not yours. To be honest, you should be keeping your suggestions and opinions to yourself if it’s not encouraging your husband to do more for his child.

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Damn u fault her for being uncomfortable and not coming around much??? My bonus daughter is 19 and still gets an easter basket lol… hell I rarely see her much and SHE LIVES HERE lol…

If she does not feel comfortable, confronting her a and faulting her is only going to push her away even more. Say your peace and move forward. As a blended family we offer the same to all of our children and grandchildren. Some we see weekly, every other day, monthly, and yes we have one we see twice a year. I offer, don’t push, and let him come around when he takes a notion. But we love them all and they know that. We treat all of our children the same. Now if they choose not to be a part then so be it. We plan a later time to get together, I even order and have Christmas and birthdays shipped to my grandkids. If you do not, they will feel it and so will your spouse and family. Most importantly not everyone is the same and you can only control yourself, do your part and move on.

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It almost sounds like the mom and step-dad have it handled as far as money is concerned, if shes avoiding him. I’d leave it alone and let the daughter work it out. I say this as a stepmother to a 21 and twin 19 year old girls. There’s just not much you can do at that age, besides hope they start to come around more.:woman_shrugging: and if not, they’re at an age that they can handle things with their mom. I came into their lives when they were 16 and 18. We have almost no relationship besides holidays with extended family

Just because your stepdaughter is 18 years old does not mean that her father doesn’t need to have a relationship with her. Relationships with teenage adults are complicated for any parent. she is 18 she’s immature Carefree and she thinks that she is an adult and knows everything especially if both parents did not teach her how not to be a spoiled brat have hard work ethic to pay for her own maintenance of a car. You can’t try to step in and fix what your step daughter is doing wrong because one is not your job you did not raise her and you are not her mom or dad. Remember that is still his daughter and if he doesn’t feel like you love his child of course it’s going to cause issues between you both. You have no say in what kind of relationship or if he has a relationship with his child. If him and the mom of your step daughter want to throw her a graduation party that is their decision provided it’s not coming out of your personal pocket. In my personal opinion her dad and mother spoiled her rotten and that is why she is the way she is and you won’t be able to fix that or change it. If they’re rewarding bad behavior she’s continuously going to be bad. I think the only reason your has been giving his daughter $500 should bother you is if it’s coming out of your money. You have a say what goes on in you’re house or who lives in you’re house but that’s it.

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Give her the gift or use it to get everything legal on the car.

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Let him handle his kid…but if she is disrepecting you…or your lives…stand up…and if she comes to live with you… if she won’t respect boundaries, you or her father (and she disrespects her dad when she doesn’t treat you well. ) say something But dont expect him to do anything about it… you need to be prepared to end the marriage.

Buying Christmas presents for a child should not be on the basis of IF she visits. She is his daughter. You try to control her life. I don’t blame her. I’d run from you both.

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Yikes. Not getting her anything for Christmas is pretty extreme. I think 500 for graduation is fine. I’d say encourage your husband to be better to his daughter. Shes the kid in this situation. Way messed up not getting a 17 year old anything for Christmas. I wouldnt come around either if my family excluded me like that.

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Ask yourself this question. If your child doesn’t come around for whatever reason are they given the same disadvantages… I think you should be a little more supportive before he starts doing things behind your back.

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Maybe she’s going through something? Do you make any attempt to be close to her? Or do you expect her to make the entire effort?

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When i was a teen, my parents got divorced… and i grew a distance from my dad. It had alot to do with my social life, i just wanted to be with my friends. He also just let me be, and i grew resentment at the fact he didnt reach out. I went through alot that i didnt feel any support or protection from him for. Now im in my 20s, we have grown much closer, but back then i wish he tried to make those efforts. Dont force her, but tell him to not give up on the effort. Also, dont give her a gift depending on if she comes around alot that month or not. Dont just hand her money, but 500 dollars for graduation is not too much to ask for his own child. It is his child , you shouldnt have to agree with what he does for her. She may not appreciate as much as she should right now, but one day when shes matured she will remember it and be thankful.

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Your husband needs to make his own choices. This is his child and clearly the two of you have never developed a bond so I would let my husband make any decisions as to what he want to do for his daughter.

I have a 16yr old step daughter who has bounced back and fourth for years now between our home and her mothers. I stopped sharing my opinions when I realized no one wanted to hear them. I supported my husband 100% on his choices and will let him know how I feel privately if I need to.

As frustrating as it is to watch it’s time to just be quiet. And allow your husband to do whatever he sees fit for for his child. Be there if she WANTS YOU TO BE, and if not gracefully bow out, I am sure there will come a time when she opens her eyes and wants to talk to both of you, Or maybe not and that’s ok too!

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Every Saturday 11-5 sounds like a prison sentence for a 18 year old. She doesn’t want to hang out with you, she wants to be with her friends enjoying the end of high school. Get a life lady! And if he wants to give his daughter $500, shut your mouth and let him.

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She is 18.
You have 2 options…
Be there when she falls or be used & abused by caving.
It will work itself out but you can’t force it. All he can do is let her know that when she’s ready, you guys will be there.
It’s not easy but she’ll have to make her mistakes just like we all did.
Call her weekly it bi-weekly & just say Hi. No begging for visits. No bribes. Just say Hi & general chat. This way she knows you’re around. Other than that, let her do as she chooses. You can’t control her. That’ll make it worse.

Not to be mean but sounds like a stuck up teenager who needs to be taught a lesson. She is 18 and a legal adult. Do not pay her bills. Take the car back. Make her learn some responsibility instead of giving her everything. Maybe instead of giving her the cash put it in a bank account.

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Leave it, just keep the line of communication open . Gifts don’t come with strings. With or without them. She will either want to spend time with her dad or she doesn’t, it’s not a reflection on you personally.

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Stop killing yourselves for someone who expects to get stuff but doesn’t appreciate what you do. Buying stuff isn’t a real connection and if she’s cool with not interacting with you than wish her the best. I don’t know if she’s ever had to deal with any real consequences or dealt with issues from choices but she may suddenly discover that the family she’s ignoring is what she needs. Just don’t bail her out.

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He should give her the graduation gift and in time she will work through and appreciate the things you both do…

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It’s his daughter, you need to take a step back. If he wants to give her 500.00 for her grad gift, let him. Teens are tough. She will come around when she’s older.

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Give her the graduation gift, maybe she’s going through something and doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s young, she needs time to be free.

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She’s obviously struggling and in pain. Show love always. Whether she deserves it or not. Give the money this one time. She will remember when she is 63 and looking back on who showed up and how they showed up.

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My stepdaughter hit her teenage years and there are weekends she would rather go stay with her friends then come to our house. I then in return get to hear from her brother and sister all weekend well why didn’t she come here? It’s sucks but I already know her coming is going to slowly fade because she is a teenager and that’s just the way it is. I have never not got her something on holidays because she doesn’t want to come when she usually does. In the end you can voice your opinion but a parent will or should always choose their kids. Not much point in arguing over it. You won’t win. Kid comes first always!Just my opinion.

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I don’t think gifts for holidays or achievements should be withheld ever from your kids. You do those things because you love them. Do you guys do other things to include her? Like family vacays growing up, ect. Blended families are hard. I mean your not buying her time or love. Your giving something to her because you love her. She’ll come around. She’s young.

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She’s already told you she’s not comfortable at the house so leave it be & stop trying to force her! Get HER DAD to meet her out for coffee ect and see if that is better for her. Gifts shouldn’t have expectations attached to them, that’s bribery & doesn’t work with teenagers!! And if her dad wants to give her $500 for graduation then he should, we’ll done on her for finishing school!!
Shit, I’m in my 30s and don’t go to my mums house as it makes me uncomfortable, don’t force a 18yr old to or she will avoid you even more.

She’s 18 she has her own life giving her days and times that she ‘has’ to visit you is stupid and unreasonable. Sounds like your punishing her because she won’t visit. She’s already expressed she doesn’t feel comfortable in your house. There’s a reason she feels that way. Whether she visits or not she’s still your husband’s daughter :roll_eyes:

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There is always a reason. It’s not just a spoiled teenager.

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Sounds like she doesnt like u so is avoiding coming over … it’s his daughter let him gift her what ever he wants without butting in . You’re going to make the situation worse . She 18 I’d probably act out too and not want to come around or be respectful if I didnt like a situation . Also regardless of her coming around I think it’s pretty stink he got her nothing for Christmas . There is clearly a reason she hates being around u guys. Think about it

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As a stepmom, myself, I would never not get the kids something, especially if they were spending holidays with us. I have a crappy gifting hubby. I literally buy all the gifts for our kid, his kids, our parents, etc. So to me it seems you let him leave her out. As a mom we say, “uh, no, go get them something too or I will.” Maybe you are part of the problem.

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Let her dad (your husband) decide. Not you.

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Not to be harsh…
But you have no say, you are ONLY her step mom. Let dad run the show!!!

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So basically you want to pay her to spend time with you. Because that’s what you are saying. She is 18. You are not that interesting to her. Accept that it is part of being a teenager and establishing her own life. But don’t try to bribe her in to spending time.

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Nope don’t give her anything
She’ll blow it on drinks and whatever else
Use that money to get her car legal and that way she can get a job period
My children have worked for there stuff since they been old enough to get job
She wants this stuff she has to earn it
Not given to her on silver tray or spoon
This why kids act like they do these day they have no clue about real life

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All I can say is you’re wrong,
Stepmom.

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I am so glad that my step mom wasn’t that awful :joy:
At that age I pretty much stopped going over my dad’s regularly & she still made sure I had nice gifts for birthdays, holidays and graduation. Guess I am pretty lucky, she treats my kids just as well as she treats her biological grandkids & puts in a lot of effort into having a good relationship with all of us.

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It’s funny how everyone sits here and says his daughter his decisions. But, on other posts involving Step-kids it’s - treat them like they are yours. Well my opinion if you treat them like they are yours you have say in what happens.

My advice, you two are married this is your child (weather or not she is your blood) talk about it and figure it out together!

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I agree letnhim give her the 500. As far as car thats on her for not getting a job to.pay for tags and whatever. Het mom is moving and you.offeted a home. She doesn’t want to live with you. Let her find her way. But graduation party and gift should be given if that’s what he wants to do. The fact she.is graduating is a accomplishment and not to be taken away.

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There’s no situation here to me. She isn’t coming to live in your house and let him give her the money. It’s small potatoes for your peace of mind.

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fix the car so she can get a job

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I think your over thinking it! She’s 18 get a job or get on your way! I don’t mind helping someone but if they got money to drink and smoke they can afford an apartment!

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Okay… firstly, you’re absolutely trying to invalidate her feelings. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to come over. Have you asked her, or are you just trying to fix it without knowing the reason she’s uncomfortable? Secondly, please remember you’re not her mom, and never will be. You get to make ZERO decisions about what her DAD wants to do, with gifts, money, ect. You trying to say not to give her $500 for her hard life’s work of schooling because YOU feel she doesn’t deserve it is shit. She worked hard for that diploma for 18 years of her life, and just because you feel she doesn’t see you guys enough is the most petty thing I have ever heard of. She is still HIS CHILD! Your feels,I’m sorry to say, don’t matter and are absolutely invalid when it comes to your husbands daughter. He should put her in a very high standard, and you should never question him about gifting his child.

How would you treat your children? Because it should be the same.

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wonder if your husband treated your kids from a previous marriage this way didn’t give them the time of day and made snotty posts about them on social media if you would let that slide

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I totally understand why she wasn’t comfortable at your house. It seems like a very manipulative situation if you withheld Christmas from a child. The love being offered seems conditional at best.

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I’m sorry but she’s his daughter and he can do whatever he wants with her whether u agree or not. I think I see where the problem of her being uncomfortable is and it’s probably cause of you. I find it pretty hilarious how stepparents seem to blame the stepchildren instead of looking at themselves in the mirror and seeing maybe the stepchildren don’t want to come around cause of something the stepparent has said or done. Smfh. Sorry you’re in the wrong

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So you want her to know that your love is conditional. That sucks. Either love and accept her or don’t. No wonder she feels uncomfortable there. You are judging her character.

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Bless you ! I would suggest instead of him giving her that money that he take her car back until she can choose to insure it / get tags for it . Or he could pay for new tags or
One months insurance. If she were my child, she would be given NO cash . He really needs to take the car until
She can decide to work and take care of it !
He is only further encouraging her irresponsible behavior . She also would be welcome
To move in IF she works and contributes ! Otherwise, NO . You and he may need to see a counselor so he can learn all of this from
The counselor and you won’t be to blame! You are in a hard predicament my dear and I feel
Your pain!

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It’s not your choice it’s dad’s. And dad needs to realize she 18 and it’s her show now

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Stepmom here. Dad wants to see his kid/s, and is always going to have guilt for not being in her life day in and day out. So he’s never going to want to say no, it’s just how it is. As a “principal of the matter” type of person, it’s been a hard thing for me to accept, and we’ve had to come to compromises a lot.
It’s a hard line to walk, dad showing he cares by enforcing his time with the kids, while still allowing them to live their lives on “his” weekends. Certainly gets harder the older they get. My husband stopped making his son come when Andrew was a junior and started driving, but would ask for him to come when he could. He would go to football games and watch Andrew perform in the band, meet him for dinner or lunch, and of course always include him in vacations and holidays. I think it’s important to kids to know that parents value their time with their kids enough to enforce their weekend visitation, even if it makes them uncool. But I think parents should also try to keep kids lives flowing, meaning if there’s a party, dad takes her and picks her up etc.

As for the money, if it’s coming out of their bank account/budget, it’s absolutely a joint decision. But, if it’s not going to break the bank, don’t hold back because of time spent. If it’s going to stretch your budget, tell your husband your budgetary concerns, then tell him (and mean it) that you trust him to make the best decision for your family.

As for the car, if you bought the car and gave it to her, your job is done. It was a gift, end of story. You are under zero obligation to ensure it’s in working or legal order. If it’s still in your name, I’d boot it till she can prove registration etc is current and you aren’t legally liable for it.

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Not give her graduation money because she doesn’t visit? He’s giving money for her graduation be happy she is graduating. I wouldn’t put your 2 cents in if they’re not good.

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I had the same problem years ago and guess what now she’s over that teenager years and more mature,just let her be,she’ll come around some day,if not it’s her lost.

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My advice is for you to mind your business. It’s non of your business if he wants to have a graduation party or give her money.

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Thats not your kid. U need to shut you’re mouth honestly. Thats his daughter he can give her whatever he wants. Yall need to learn what unconditional live is. U sound like my mom actually and now that I’m 37, we still don’t get along. Love doesn’t mean you love em only if they act right or are perfect. I bet you anything shes not wanting to come there cuz of YOU. You need to stay in your lane.

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If I were to be in this situation; she’s my step-daughter and I’m not her mother nor her father. She’s going through her rebellion years and it’s going to take falling completely down where she can’t see her way out on her own - then she will straighten up and see what she’s been/was offered. Until then, I would still love unconditionally and help her when needed as a step-mother and honor my husband and their relationship by supporting his decisions in order for them both not to resent me.

However, if it was my daughter that I physically brought into this world, she would need boundaries and no cash given, and find out the hard way.

I feel for you In this situation - it’s quite hard on a relationship.

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Wow, yall jumping all over this woman. I agree if she can’t even show up to visit she doesn’t deserve anything. Only shows up when she expects something. That’s not how life works.

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Why is everyone being so rude? Taking the step daughters side?? The daughter seems so ungrateful for everything they have done for her. She’s literally choosing not to be in their life and not coming around unless she thinks she’s getting money or a gift, hint being mad at Christmas because she didn’t get a gift. Maybe if she wanted a relationship with her family she would! I totally understand this Mommas point of view. If she wants to spend time it shouldn’t just be because she knows she’s getting a gift.

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You’re already handling it. Let her live her life, she will eventually come around. But, I would definitely not give her $500

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Let the man give his kid the money. Shes a teen. She will regret it one day but do not step into making those decisions for him or even saying anything!

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She is 18 now you guys have tried. Give her the money for graduation and then cut her loose. She is 18 and she will wake up. Don’t baby her and for people to say it’s not your choice it is. She is your husband daughter and I thought kids were a package deal.

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Why should he have to beg her to give her $500. She is old enough to know what it is like to build a relationship with her father. And if she doesn’t want to be around you as the Stepmom then she could tell her dad that and they could go on special dates where you are not present. So that doesn’t really seem to be the issue either it seems like she has an entitled child in a generation where there are many of them. Just look at this thread… look how many women jumped down your throat. It’s not easy being a stepmom forever is on both sides. Is no longer a baby anymore and clearly she just doesn’t want a relationship. That is her loss …

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She is 18 and not 21…i have seen parents get charged for contributing to the delinquency of a minor for allowing their under age kid to drink.
Maybe take that money and put it towards adult things like the car registration/insurance. She is an adult now SHOW her what it is like to have responsbilities besides drinking and smoking.

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Sounds like dad is only good enough when there is money or gifts involved. There is no reason she can’t call once a week, Don’t think you should be blamed If he wants to give her money that’s fine but she should appreciate it and not expect it. You have to give a little (her time) to get a little. She’s old enough to grow up. I would have given a nd present but it would have been less than thought she was going to get and I’d let her know why.

I mean she’s 18 she’s growing up and not going to come over all the time she has a life also. Yes it’s sad but ull should love her unconditionally and when she falls on hard times she will come. Let your husband be her dad and give her whatever for graduation

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The 500 is for the hard work and sacrifice she put in to graduate. That has nothing g to do with visiting.

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He should give her any money he feels like giving her regardless of the visits. Shes his daughter, not yours. He needs to get to figuring out just why she’s uncomfortable

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It’s his kid, regardless of how much she talks to you. Let him give her whatever he wants to. As far as the daughter, have you tried to talk to her as an adult, with respect to see why shes uncomfortable or staying away? Has your husband tried to talk to her one on one? She hes daughter.

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It isn’t your decision

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You said it all she graduated she has achieved something on her own what the hell is wrong with you. Her father is probably proud and wants to treat his daughter. Cant you see she is trying and at the age of 18 why not go and see her this goes both ways she obviously has a life her study friends and life.

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