Not getting her a gift or graduation gift because she don’t visit is just terrible .
That’s his kid regardless of how she acts.
She’s to old now to punish just because she don’t visit or live the way you want.
I definitely would not allow drinking in my house at 18 because I’ll be damned if I get in trouble for contributing to
Under age drinking but I will always be there for my kids and not be petty with gifts!!
Gifts should never come with obligations.
If she’s 18 let her do what she wants and if she wants to live with you set the rules if she doesn’t like them she can live somewhere else. As far as the money part he is the dad he should be able to give her money thats his choice.
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My dad gave me 1000 and we hardly saw each other, not because we didn’t want to see each other but we lived far away. Honestly as long as you’re not going to go broke giving her that I would leave it up to him. I know why you feel the way you do but put yourself in his shoes, he loves her completely regardless of how often she’s there because that’s his daughter. Kids are going to be selfish, it’s something that they will hopefully grow out of. Love unconditionally.
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I’ve been an 18 year old girl and just because she didn’t visit your husband DIDNT buy her a Christmas gift and now questions giving her anything for graduating? Her graduating is an accomplishment to reward outside of whether or not she visits. Also she’s gonna drink or smoke. You don’t have to condone it at your house but by the sounds of it I wouldn’t wanna visit your house either so I mean 
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Get used to it. That’s the way it goes.
Omg get over yourself lol she’s 18 let her father give her 500 dollars for graduating.
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So you feel like punishing someone else’s child for speaking up about feeling uncomfortable is how to fix this issue?
You are the issue.
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Be good to hear the situation from daughter’s perspective🤷🏻♀️ Have you (the step mother) invested time in trying to understand why she finds coming round uncomfortable so that you can find a resolve together. Do you consider that you are with her father not come from the stand point that she is the daughter of your partner? Let him spoil her in her wins in life, graduation is a big success!
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Your home -your rules.
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If you’re constantly in his ear about what she does and doesn’t deserve I can ASSURE you that she knows about it. Remember that intuition you’ve always had about people all us women have been blessed with? well she has it too. If you don’t agree with her fathers decisions she’s going to know about it. Stand back, don’t meddle, and let him handle his adult daughter. She’s made it clear that she’s not yours so just do your thing, don’t be extra, don’t be fake and let her come around in her way. I think he’s doing a great thing by constantly extending that olive branch,DO NOT get in the way of it.
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So…is there a loyalty issue? I had one with my step parents…I always felt disloyal to the actual parent if I spent too much time with the step parent…it is uncomfortable for a reason…may not be that one, but forced visitation on a teen isn’t going to work out well…also why is her mom leaving her? Like seriously?! If it is a job thing get her car legal help to foster a positive relationship with dad. Feeling some type of way is understandable because you see his hurt…but you are forgetting to see hers.
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It’s not just step children.
I have a 36 year old son who has 3 children of his own , but he refuses to pay child support or even speak their name…
He has never had a real job or never even paid a bill his whole life
I refuse to enable his bad behavior
So he either lived in prison or my moms
Now that my mom passed away last month …He tells everyone I don’t love him and he has no where to live
I say grow the fuck up…
I raised him and his baby brother on my own with no help from my family , No child support
No food stamps or housing.
It’s called life … work for what you need and especially for what you want
She sounds like a spoiled little lady who needs to learn how to care for her self
Good luck…I will pray for you cause people seem to always blame the step parent, but if she doesn’t want to live with her own mother I don’t see how you are the problem
You are gonna bitch over $500 for his daughter? 
Good lord, why even be a step mom at this point? It’s HIS child, let him do what HE wishes. For gods sake.
There’s obviously a reason she doesn’t want to come by. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s the dad. Hell, maybe it’s a personal issue. She will figure it out on her own time, but don’t be so judge mental! It doesn’t matter wether he sees her once a year, she will forever be his child. You sound petty tbh 
At 18 you can’t make them visit and spend time with you ecspecially of she doesn’t live with you all
First of all you are not her mom you are a step parent. Her father can get her whatever she wants you cannot tell him what to do, that is his daughter not yours! You need to butt out of their relationship and let them build it up without your input! I’m sure it was your idea to not get her any Christmas presents, I’m pretty sure the father probably wanted to get her something, you sound like a jealous brat! Leave them alone and let them build a relationship stay out of it like I said you’re not her mother.
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Sounds to me like she may have good reasons for staying away. Does not seem too welcoming to me stepmom.
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Are you hurting for money and is this more than you would be spending on your own child?
wtf??? She’s 18:rofl: she’s supposed to act like that. That’s still his child! She’s graduating…. Why can’t he gift his child?? I’m beyond confused:thinking: . I wouldn’t give a fuck if I didn’t see my kids for a decade. I’m still gonna send gifts on all holidays birthdays , special Occasions etc!!!
You’re against him giving her $500 for graduating high school? Job or not that’s a huge accomplishment and he is her father. This accomplishment should be rewarded. 18 or not, she’s still a child and it sounds like you are invalidating her discomfort by not seeking further information as to her discomfort. Divorce is hard on children. They don’t automatically become mature adults at 18. I would feel uncomfortable too in this situation as your seem kind of disconnected from her concerns/feelings. Bottom line: she’s still a damn kid who is going through some emotions.
Tell her to grow up! Get a job, fix her shit and fix her relationship with her family before it’s to late.
Coming from personal experience.
What you should really be asking yourself is what would you do if this was your daughter! Children grow up and around the age of 15 they do not want to hang out with their parents and step parents.
She will however realise her love and appreciation for the both of you once she is older IF you both keep supporting her now.
If you try and control her and the relationship between your husband and his daughter you will lose. Imagine someone telling you that you cannot give your own daughter money for graduating or not wanting your daughter to live with you. How would that make you feel?
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture instead of just worrying about how you feel otherwise you could find yourself getting a divorce. The love a parent has for a child will overcome love for another person so tread carefully.
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Kudos to Dad who sounds like he truly loves his daughter. I think it’s great that he’s letting her know she always has a home there. Teenagers dip out on their parents all the time because we are the last people they want to hang with and I Damn sure wouldn’t punish her for that. Let him go all out for his daughter on graduation! !!! My ex husband and his wife are throwing my son a graduation party for their side of the family (we are invited too of course, and I think it’s wonderful that she loves my son. No excuses!!!
Sounds to me like you are forgetting what it’s like to be a newly young adult and wanting your independence. Also it sounds like you have your hands in the wrong sand box girl. You are married to your husband who has an adult child who says she is uncomfortable in your home and it’s probably because of you. You are a meddler and she probably feels like she can’t have a relationship with her father cuz your always butting into it. Sorry to say but YOU are the problem in their entire relationship.
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Keep your foot down. 18 year olds need to the respect the rules. Don’t mean to be mean but she sounds like she’s got her priorities mixed up 
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let her go she will b there when she wants something they r so selfish at this age
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If she drinks and smokes, why can’t she at your home? You know she does it, at least she would be at a safe place where you can keep an eye on her. She clearly wants to be treated like an adult and it seems like you aren’t treating her like one. Is she an addict? Is on occasion? Do you just not agree with it? Does her dad disagree or do you? Sounds like she isn’t comfortable because it’s judgemental perhaps? Maybe just step back and let her be her and then maybe she will come around more. But imo she doesn’t like you and definitely thinks you are behind the no gifts regardless if it was your idea or not. Not getting someone a gift because they don’t want to visit you much is very childish. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive…or materialistic. Seems petty and a teenage girl will hold onto that because you clearly hurt her feelings.
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Since 16 sounds normal and you want to judge her . Visit us or you don’t get acknowledged
Wow …How much time was there for her when she was younger
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I would stay out of it that’s between him and his daughter and actually has both to do with you
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Youre over thinking this. Graduation is a huge accomplishment & should be rewarded, not like hes just giving $ for no reason. She’s an adult now & it’s time for her to figure it out.
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She’s grown you cannot make an 18yr old visit if she don’t want to. You’re the step mom, stay in your place. He can buy whatever he wants and give whatever he wants to his daughter.
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My suggestion for you is to take a step back and let the man do what he wants to do for his daughter.
I do realize that it’s your business bc he IS your husband. But honestly…it seems like what you have been doing hasnt been working out very well. So try another approach.
Believe it or not…the only person that knows his daughter better than him…is her mom.
Let the man be a father.
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My advice. Stop trying for a while. I am that mother. My kids know if they disrespect me, treat me like they aint got no sense and forgot where they came from, hell yeah, I cut them off. No money, no video games, no friends over, etc. They already know. You will get treated the way you treat me. Guess what? It works. They realize that I’m not just their mother, I’m a person too, with feelings. My main job as a parent is to provide a home, food, clothing, an an education and teach them and guide them to become a good, responsible adult so they can have good lives, not to coddle them and give them everything they want. Wants are privileges, not necessities.
Yes, our children grow up and get lives of their own and don’t typically need us like they once did. That doesn’t mean they can’t make time to see their parents or at least call and check in now and then to catch up.
Also, maybe the daughter needs to explain why she doesn’t like to visit or whatever the issue is so you can ALL work on making it better and building positive relationships.
And yes, me and my kids are close and we have our ups and downs like every other.
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She is 18 and sure has her own life. You cant make her visit if she dont want to or maybe she busy… Dont try to force the issue it make it worst… she says she uncomfortable there why? Im sure it not because of her dad… Was this the house that she lived in with her MOM
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same situation here except daughter turned 18 two years ago…she still hasn’t come back to get her $500 graduation gift…its extremely hurtful but try & put yur feelings aside & just support yur husband…things will work out as they should…hugs to u & its DAMN HARD being stepmom! keep trying yur best!
Would you be saying all these things if the girl was your own daughter not just step daughter? Let the man have a relationship with his daughter however he sees fit. Have you always acted like this towards her? If so maybe that’s why she’s not comfortable coming around??
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Well I’m not comment bashing , buts is ABSOLUTELY NOT A CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY to keep in contact with a parent an 18 is barely a adult an if she feels uncomfortable address the issue an meet her else where the shopping centre Macca’s anywhere.
It’s not upto the child to ensure she’s seeing her dad it’s upto her dad to make sure his seeing his child , an personally attacking such child such as her responsibilities an on social media is maybe one of such reasons as to why she doesn’t feel comfortable.
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oh my…its graduation …dont be miserable😁
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I would tell him to do bew tags and insurance for a gradyation present… and probably an oil change 
She is 18, drinking is illegal so I wouldn’t allow it either. She is an adult now so she can get a job abd support herself, move in the rv, or move in and follow rules.
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Sounds like shes only coming when the money is there… stop it now
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She’s a teenager 
She’s busy with stuff. Ask her to dinner a least one night a week and give her the $500 for a gift. She’ll cone around eventually.
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You didn’t buy her Christmas gifts and don’t want to get her a graduation gift? Sounds like there are valid reasons she doesn’t want to come around.
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So your love for her is based on how often she comes over to entertain you?
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She’s an adult. Let her make her own choices … and let her choose to live with those choices.
You can’t control her, or make her do things that she doesn’t want to do. She needs to realize that in life, you make choices that have benefits, but also sometimes have consequences. The only way to learn that is by living your life for yourself, and taking responsibility for your own actions.
That being said, she also needs to know that her parents will be supportive of her decisions, and will encourage her along the way. She needs to know that she will make mistakes (we’ve all been there), and that her parents will be there to give her the support system she will need to get through life. Offer advice when she asks for it. Let her know your door is always open. Allow her to grow into the person she wants to become. Give her the $500 graduation present to help her get started. Be the better person you know you can be.
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Sounds like she only comes around when its convenient for her. I have a family member like that. I say give her maybe $100 definitely not $500 for graduation or I second the tags on her car and insurance. As for an 18 year old smoking and drinking which are both illegal til 21 where I live, I would simply just educate her about the harm of smoking and drinking at such a young age. She wants to act independent then tell her to get a job and an apartment.
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I’m stuck on the she doesn’t feel comfortable in your home! Obviously their is more going on and information to this story maybe some disagreements lack of relationship with her father but the fact she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own parents house is a huge red flag for me and the everyone getting Christmas presents but her i don’t even do that to strangers its extremely hurtful not to mention rude just saying…
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At 18 she is grown. Get a job and live on her own.
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My 18 year old daughter moved out at 17 started nursing school she does not come around much but I figured its because she’s an adult. We do talk everyday but mostly I have to call her. When they r young u need to reach out not let them decide
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As for not getting her a christmas present thats disgusting. Even the way you talk about her i wouldnt blame her for not coming around
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I can see the frustration. She’s 18, technically an adult, but still really a child. Sounds toe like she is playing both her mum and her dad off against each other and I can fully understand why her dad said he wasn’t going to buy any more gifts if she wasn’t even speaking to him let alone visiting. As a parent I wouldn’t either. Girls are super manipulative during their teenage years when they want to be as she demonstrated by her ability to make promises of visits and better communication but only managing it once! But hey Dad gave her birthday gift so it worked!!
To be honest I wouldn’t be contributing to her graduation, but as a mum that’s easier to say and do than it is for a dad. Dad’s always get a bad rep.for standing their ground over this kind of stuff, even if they’re right, so I really don’t think there is any win here. Even her mum seems to be aware - she’s bought an RV and is moving away!
If the daughter isaking this bed, I say let her lie in it and learn some tough lessons. Let Dad contribute the 500 for the graduation and be grateful it isnt 2 or 3 times as much. This kid is either going to learn real fast just how much she still needs her parents and step parents and make an attitude adjustment or she’s going to find her way on her own and do whatever she needs to do. Either way the law says she’s an adult, so let her adult, and concentrate on looking after dad because I think he’s the one who’s really going to get hurt here.
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Why are y’all expecting this girl to be responsible for the relationship with her dad? Also, why do y’all expect her to go to y’all’s house? If she is uncomfortable, then dad should make an effort to meet her in a neutral place to visit.
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She told you she isnt comfortable. Believe her! Let her father handle his daughter. Back off or you will make her resent you. Shes 18. Not a child. I was her once.
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I see why she doesn’t want to coeme around 
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Parenting in not conditional. He daughter his decision. Not sure why you would think you have the final say so in their relationship. If it is causing problems in your relationship with hubby that’s kind of on you. You should consider some counselling. I would never allow someone put me in the place of having to choose between making my child happy or my spouse. Sounds a little crowded. No wonder the step child isn’t comfortable. You sound controlling. I’m sorry if I am coming off mean but really there is a lot more going on here. Jealousy, territorialism, control issues or something. You are a grown woman, she is 18. Is her gifts causing financial insecurity or are you going hungry? Or do you feed on the drama and dissention you are causing? Not buying her Christmas gifts just screams non approval and non acceptance. This whole story breaks my heart for the father.
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I agree with you shes calling for money and whatever material things but lots of them do this at that age they only want there friends they don’t appreciate parents or step parents at that age its hard ages they all struggle and drink and smoking can become a big part of how they live their lives id say step back yourself you don’t have to be involved let husband do it all and don’t worry about any of it its really only as they get older do they appreciate parents etc
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I’d bring out the tough love now! Which you can do by celebrating her accomplishments but not feeding her behavior. You and your husband both need to agree on how to handle this. Which I understand is very hard at times. Its always easier to punish someone else’s child than it is your own 
it just is!!! Its totally ok if she doesn’t want to live with you because you have standards in your home. Supporting her and not letting her walk all over you guys is gonna take some tough LOVE!! I would probably give her the $500 because I believe you both are proud of her for graduating. Its hard as the step parent no doubt but what’s more important is communicating with your hubs and supporting him even if you don’t agree!
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Ok…always…ALWAYS…have a gift for her under the tree at Christmas. If she doesn’t come…it moves to a bday gift. As for graduation…renew her tags, buy her stuff she needs for her vehicle, and give her the money. She is going to need it. Then…let her know you will always be there for her…no matter if comes around or not. That is just how teenagers are. They have a lot going on. Trying to figure life out fast at that point and it isnt easy. Try being nicer or I can see why she wouldn’t want to come around.
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You lost my attention with no Christmas presents
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How much of a pos do you have to be to not get them a xmas present?
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Back off that child! You can NOT force another person- esp a child!- to be comfortable at your home.
She’s a kid if she’s got things to do let her do her things. You sound over bearing and controlling.
A gift of $ from her father is her father’s business to his kid for her graduation.
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… Right and that Xmas thing! How in the world can parents say “you wont let me bribe you into discomfort f your Xmas?” Grow up
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I can only remember 1 Christmas my dad bought me something don’t remember birthday gifts either from him, I lived with my mom and was given multiple choices if I wanted to live with my dad I could… I knew my dad so that wasn’t going to happen, however when I went to visit I went by those house rules just as I did when I was at home 
Flip it. I flipped it on her said she can’t bevaose of exactly those rules being broken and said no you can’t come and within two weeks she was living with me. Still does
I don’t think she feels comfortable because you are kinda a bitch
You can’t force or bribe someone to come around. That’s horrible and manipulative. That’s his daughter and if he wants to do those things for her let him. I think you ma’am are most likely the reason she feels uncomfortable.
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So many nasty judgmental comments for an advice page. This page is supposed to help moms in all aspects. EVERY parent out there vents about their children. We are human, although that’s often forgotten. This “child” is 18. She has made no attempts to be a part of her fathers and stepmother’s life except when she expects gifts and money. $500 is a lot. For those that are saying the stepmom needs to stay out of it and “his child, his money”, they are married. It is 100% her business. Stop.
Raising. Entitled. Children
Unpopular opinion here… I agree 100% with the hesitation.
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The reason she’s uncomfortable is probably because of you. And her relationship with her father is actually none of your business. And he’s her father, she has the right to inherit from him whatever he decides to give her. Who are you to comment on it? Is it coming out of your pocket? Or is it getting in the way of your monthly bills? If not then what is your problem? She’s still basically a teen even if it’s 18. 18 doesn’t actually magically make people adults. And to be honest, behaviour that you’re seeing is very common amongst people whose parents are divorced. She should obviously be uncomfortable in your house if that’s how you think of her.
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I remember living with my aunt and uncle at 18 and having the same sort of rules. They had 2 young kids they didn’t want me influencing. Once that was explained to me it was much easier for me to accept. I was allowed to have a drink or 2 and come home drunk to sleep it off but not be active drunk. One day I fell in the door and I got a talking to about that later on when I had sobered up. Being able to communicate with them was a blessing. It made living together much easier.
Your house, your rules !
Unfortunately she’s a teenager and at 15 they really do not want to be home and want to be with friends and at 18 they want to leave completely because you know they are adults now and know all the stuff lol ! I do disagree about the Christmas thing in the eyes of a child that kinda seems like a punishment to get what y’all want out of her which is to visit more but she’s busy paving her way and making plans in her head on how she’s going to be her own adult and be self reliant. Whether she is or isn’t at this point is null and void because they are young and have the mind set that they still have time to get it done later . I would think your husband may be trying to make up for that Christmas if he’s giving her 500 instead of 200 like the other kids because at least they got something I’d let him do it. But to be fair everyone should always be treated equally to the best of our parenting ability. And as for her and her mother and stepdad moving in an RV. She will figure it out if it’s staying a bit with them or with friends or maybe a couple days with you maybe a couple nights in the car . These are kids don’t get me wrong but they sure are resilient they will definitely find a way to survive just make sure your door is always open and communicate more. As for the drinking and smoking send her to the garage only or the back yard just not in the house that could be a compromise.
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I wouldn’t want to come around after reading that either.
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Kistin S Brungardt I think you must of had a say in it as its you that doesn’t think he should give £500 for graduation. His daughter is 18yrs old they dont want to hang with parents and as a mother of four I think most pre and teens are inherently selfish, they generally grow out of it. If you have children and the father was being told not to give that much or dont get presents I guarantee you’d be mightily fucked off. Also you somewhere above you’ve stated she never had rules or regulations and use want to start now at 18 that stuff should of always been in place. There must also be a reason why she doesn’t feel comfortable at your home, as an adult I wouldn’t go where I dont feel comfortable.
It’s obvious that she only views her Dad as a piggy bank. She wants nothing to do with him unless it’s a holiday or occasion where she receives gifts or money. It sounds like she just uses him. But…I would not try to stop him from giving her $500 for her graduation. She sounds like a brat, but Dad should still give her the graduation gift/money.
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She is 18 so it’s time to let her be an adult and do things the hard way. This is a very difficult age to deal with especially if she and Dad haven’t been close lately. The money gift is something that you both have to be comfortable with but don’t cut her off. It’s good she knows she has option of starting with y’all but don’t change the rules. She is still a kid and teenage girls aren’t easy but don’t cut her out but also don’t be the bail out at ever turn. Give her Christmas and birthday money and let her decide how she spends it but if she blows it then that’s on her so if she gets a ticket in her car then she pays the bill. I have a step daughter that is in her early 20s and she was tough to handle for awhile but now she has learned and grown and we are in a good place but never did she just get her way and so she had to make the hard choices and it was ok. Show her love always but keep you’re standards for your home. I kept the rules the same for all my kids including the step and they grew into better adults knowing that I loved them but I want going to baby them. And just am FYI, she needs to know that you care as much as her Dad does for her or she won’t come around cause you are a part of him.
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I’m not sure why so many people are being nasty with her about the no Christmas gifts. She CLEARLY stated that Dad decided not to get her Christmas gifts. (I’m assuming it was because she ignored her Dad for 6 months, and suddenly wants to visit for Christmas.)
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Look at yourself. What you are doing is not parenting. You are not equal. My children are more important than I will ever be. I know I’m blessed, but I’ve always put them first and everything else just falls in line. Funny, cause as I age, I see - I need them.
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She is an adult now not a child leave her be
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You are probably the one who she feels uncomfortable around tbh
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Why would she only receive something if she’s there in person, that’s just not fair obviously there’s something that makes uncomfortable and your place… anyway about the money you should stand back a bit and see how their daddy -daughter relationship is going,it might be that your husband brought her up like that
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One, the Xmas thing is wong on your part i don’t agree with that! two, Shes 18 she should be out on her own or at least attempting to stand on her own feet… three you are a step parent remember that. im a step parent to grown children what the father wants to give his biological children is up to him and honestly weather you like it or not your opinion on that is invalid. you all need to let her learn and make her own mistakes weather you agree with them or not thats how you learn to navigate life and figure out who you are as a person… when you 18 you think you are on top of the world so you right to establish rules in your household. if she doesn’t want to follow then or live with you because of that let her do it herself letting her fall on her face so to speak is healthy for her to learn how hard life can really be.
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When she was a minor, your husband should have been the one to look for her and make sure she came over. He’s the parent and should look for his kid. No matter what, she should have received gifts if she visited or not.
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Spoilt brat. She wouldn’t be living with me.
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I’m honestly surprised at some of these responses
Anyway, home girl needs to get her act together. Yes, she’s a teenager but she can’t just treat ppl like crap and then put her hand out for presents all the time. That’s shitty behavior.
Sure, she can come stay if y’all want but she has to Follow the rules. If she can’t, that’s fine. Then she needs to figure out where she wants to stay that will allow her to do whatever she wants to do. Because it’s not at your house.
Bam.
Not your problem anymore
I dont understand why getting a xmas gift from her dad needs to come with terms eg having not seen her for a while! You have an issue with your husband giving her 500 dollars? Why? He is her dad she’s graduating, how would you feel if your children ended up with a step mother? Youd want your children to be treated with love and respect I think u need to do the same
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Shes 18 bye bye lmao
If I were you, I’d invite her out to lunch just you 2, and explain that you think you’re the reason she is uncomfortable at your house (I’m assuming you are if she’s fine with dad), and just say youd like to fix things and get along as a family, she is 18 and an adult so don’t put too many restrictions in place, the more there are the worse she’ll behave! Also make sure that you can afford to give her the 500 and it won’t leave you guys short or anything (if you haven’t already), just sit down and talk and get to the bottom of the problem, and don’t get defensive, just listen and understand and try to work through it x
Your husband can put that money into an account and let her know in a card that she can use that said money when she enrolls into a college.
No reason to be sour about it. People go through life learning from their mistakes. So if she doesn’t want to live there bc of the rules. She will soon learn living on her own isn’t worth the party life style.
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Yeah just let her be her, and start enjoying her for who she is and take an interest and she will want to be with you guys. 18 is a hard age of they haven’t found their path in life yet. Cut her some slack, tell her she is allowed to be an adult in your house, even adults have rules but don’t control her
Being upset that she doesn’t come around seems to effect how you both behave when she is there and might be part of the reason she feels uncomfortable. Gotta be happy when she’s around and focus on the present rather than the fact that she’s distant otherwise the minimal amount of time together will be wasted.
Also, she wants to feel comfortable doing the things she wants to do like drinking and smoking. Treat her like an adult, if you don’t let other adults smoke in the house then let her know that is the house rule, she can smoke outside or in her car. I know she is underage to drink but better at home where she’s safe than at a friend’s or somewhere unsavory
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I think you are wrong. Why would you hold back love (gift giving is a form of love) just because she isn’t around? Is her presence necessary for love? Because if so, it’s not unconditional love.
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Butt out and let him parent his child. It isn’t up to you to control. She was in his life before you. Let him love and celebrate his child.
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Sounds like she’s not comfortable around YOU by the way you speak about her. She’s a CHILD. Her dad is allowed to celebrate her milestone even if she doesn’t come around a lot. That’s HIS daughter. Perhaps you should step back and let him handle it.
I’d rather my daughter stay home and experiment there than in a situation where she could die. She’s BARELY 18 and you’re already complaining about her not working 
Get a grip and get over yourself. You got with a guy who had a kid from a previous relationship. He is doing his fathers duty by offering her his home out of love. You sound like a manipulative step “mother” that’s jealous of the daughter. She’s already said she’s uncomfortable… reflect on WHY instead of blaming her.
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She’s an adult. I don’t see why you won’t her smoke. And as for drinking. I rather have my kids drink at home and be safe rather than at a bar or somewhere ransome and get hurt. How long have you been with her dad? If she’s voicing that she’s uncomfortable it’s for a reason.
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You think he shouldn’t give her the graduation money because she doesn’t come around? He didn’t get her a Christmas gift because she doesn’t come around? You say she refuses to get a job when she’s barley about to graduate HIGH SCHOOL? You sound awful to be honest. I think you’re overstepping your place in his and his daughters relationship. I can see why she doesn’t feel comfortable with you around
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Sounds like she’s an entitled brat. She only comes around when she thinks daddy is going to give her money or gifts. 
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Sounds like an entitled brat to me if you ask my opinion! That’s what’s wrong with society! All these people saying you’re the problem and to give in and give her money and this and that. Hell no. If she can’t act like a decent daughter and come around she doesn’t deserve money and all the other luxuries. Take the car back too while you’re at it.
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We’re in the same position, like your story sounds identical. But, I’m leaving it up to my husband to decide what his daughter’s graduation present is. If I step in the middle, that won’t create anything good. Support their relationship no matter how you feel about it and don’t try to drive a wedge in between them or dictate what he can and can’t do with his child. We do have an agreement, however, that all graduates will get the same. And we have three in a row starting this year 
so what he decides for his daughter the expectation is that all kiddos will get the same.
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He’s an adult and it’s his daughter, im sorry but its not up to you. She is an adult and can choose to live where she pleases and is mature enough to realize that her lifestyle does not match up to yours and keeps her distance. It doesn’t surprise me she feels uncomfortable going over there. I’ve gone all out with my partner for his kids on birthdays and holidays and driven hours on the chance he might be able to see his kids and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant he might get a chance to spend more time with them.
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Shes 18? Just let her come to you on her own time and be there for her if she needs you. Don’t give her $$ or anything if she’s not helping herself but let her figure out the world on her own. She’ll turn around and want to be around you guys again at some point. I was the same way as a teen (for different reasons).
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I don’t think it’s your place to even make any decisions regarding his daughter, that is for him and the daughters mother to do.
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