Needing advice about the herpes virus

So this is a question about my friend. My school didn’t really have a sex Ed class, so I’m not very well educated in this department. But a little back story is when she was with her ex, he went down on her with a cold sore. She ended up getting a breakout and went to the doctor, where they confirmed that it was herpes. Well, now she is seeing a new guy, and he has asked me if she has anything that I know about. When I showed her, she said that she doesn’t have them and can’t get them unless someone gives them to her again? So she can’t pass it on. She then said that everyone has herpes (which I have heard) and that when he went down on her, it activated it in the outside, but since they gave her antibiotics, it helped, and she got them taken care of, so she can’t pass them to anyone sexually. I was wonder if anyone could explain how this works? I’m not trying to be rude by any means; I’m really just curious and feel like if I ask her more questions, she will think I’m judging her when I’m really not!!


There are different types of the herpes virus, simplex a and b one is mouth and one is genital area. The virus actually hides in your spinal cord and comes out when agitated. Yes you can spread the virus even without having an active outbreak. Antibiotics do not cure it, nothing does. A prescription medication can stop the outbreaks but that’s it. If she is in anyway a decent person she would disclose the fact that she has it to any sexual partner she has, whether that be oral sex or intercourse. However, if the man gets an outbreak he can not blame her bc he could’ve had the virus laying dormant in his body for a long time. Men hardly get outbreaks compared to women. She should actually stay on a daily medication that can keep the outbreaks away.


I think it also needs to be pointed out that while yes, a cold sore is a type of herpes (which is the form that “everyone has”) it is not the same as genital herpes or other forms of an STD.
She may have also had a UTI or a yeast infection and she herself may be confused.
While you should educate yourself for your own personal benefit and maybe maybe be able able help her too, there’s not much you can do for her and her partners if she doesn’t want to be honest.


i definitely lost my daughter to someone who must’ve thought what your friend thinks. needless to say, not EVERYONE has herpes, but most of the population does. you can infect anyone, when you have an active breakout/open sore. just because they handed you some mild antibiotics for the herpes outbreak doesn’t mean you’re randomly cured. they are incurable.


Herpes is a virus that is not curable with antibiotics(because it’s a virus and not bacteria). She can take a maintenance antiviral medication that will help(not cure) prevent outbreaks. She is contagious regardless but especially with a breakout.


Clearly for the guy to ask you her friend he is suspicious and probably thinks she is hiding something already. She needs to tell him because yes she can give it to him. She needs to do more research about it if she really thinks she can’t pass it on to others. She’s being irresponsible about her shit.


They can give you pills that make you less likely to pass it but nothing is 100 unless you’re not having sex. She will have that for the rest of her life and yes she needs to tell him. If you have sex knowing you have something and don’t disclose that she can be charged. She needs to research that so she is correctly informed.


If she doesn’t tell him and he gets them and finds out she knew I believe she can be in legal trouble.


There’s HSV1 and HSV2. It would be helpful to know which one she has. Also, both can lay dormant in your body, but will never go away. You can still have Herpes and pass Herpes without having an active outbreak. Antivirals will help with the acute infection. But, once positive always positive.

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It’s not actually illegal to not tell him. That only applies to aids that has to be told prior too. But your friend should probably not be dating and see a obgyn to get educated and see about treatment. They will probably do biopsies to see what type she has and what are safe ish ways to be sexual. (The legal stuff is for the USA)

She does have them. They’re just not breaking out right now. She has to tell him, or she can face legal trouble later on. She can pass it with the littlest outbreak.


I’d actually be seriously concerned that this guy has asked you this question about your friend. She fully needs to tell him. You however need to stay out if

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  1. It’s a virus so antibiotics won’t “clear it up”
  2. She can still transmit it even if she doesn’t have an outbreak
  3. The virus is now and will always be inside her
  4. You have to disclose STI to your partner. If she knew she had it, didnt tell him, and spread it. He can hold her legally responsible
  5. She needs to some education before she sleeps with anyone else. If she doesn’t care about her own health then whatever, but don’t put innocent people at risk.

I would ask a doctor your questions cause you’re more likely to get the facts from one and then at the end of the day you can educate your friend in a nice way whatever you find out yanno.


Nothing cures herpies sorry. If she had it once she can pass it. Also you could have it and never break out.

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Please tell the guy, she’s extremely irresponsible to not disclose that she has an STD not to mention legally she can get in trouble :woman_facepalming:t2:

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She’ll always have it, unfortunately. But it’s mostly only contagious during an active breakout. Some people can carry it and it never affect them, others it will quickly cause an outbreak. There are meds she can take to control it, but it’ll always be there. She needs to be mindful and educate herself on it.

I was one of the unlucky toddlers who contracted it from someone.
(Never let anyone kiss your babies, or touch them if they have a cold sore, for that matter)
It caused blindness in my right eye, and I’ll always be susceptible to flare ups in my eye, nose or lips…and will for life. Thankfully it has slowed down significantly as I’ve gotten older.
I used to be very embarrassed about it, but I got it due to no fault of my own and it is what it is. Now I just try to educate others.
There’s hs1 (above the belt) and hs2 (below the belt), same virus, different region. I’ve never passed it on to my husband of almost 20 years, nor my 3 kids. But I’m also extremely careful during an outbreak.


It can spread that way and turn into genital herpes once you have it… U have it for life and can spread it… Butnim pretty sure it only spreads if you are having a flare up and a sore is on ur genitals or lips etc… Kinda like glandular fever… You have it for life but it flares up… Usually stress… And herpies can be… transmitted to a baby when u have one… Im a pathologist and have a couple of friends with it.

I would tell him u dont know because its up to her to tell him but would also send her a link on it giving her akl the info

She will still have breakouts and she has to tell him before they’re sexually active.

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My ex has herpes. It can be transmitted with an outbreak. As long as she takes the medication for it and doesn’t have sex during an outbreak he should be fine but it’s something he should know if they’re not using protection. She really needs to educate herself on it. He can press charges if she gives it to him without his knowledge since she is well aware of it. That’s a lifetime disease that can never go away or be treated as she’s trying to say it has.


That guy probably got something and she was the only person he was with and no wondering what’s going on. Herpes spreads but open wounds and blood and salvia . It doesn’t matter if she has an active out break or not she can spread it to anyone she is intimate with. And she need to tell any partner she’s with.


Yeah I don’t know much either but there are different kinds, if she got genital herpes it can be treated but she can still pass it on. She sounds very uneducated on the matter which is scary for any future partners.

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She can have another outbreak whenever. Stress brings it on, sometimes an outbreak will come period time. Usually u can tell when one is occurring. Out of respect for herself and her partner, she should tell him, especially if they are serious. She could be on an outbreak and not know… i was very upset when I found out I contracted it from a person who didn’t tell me and they knew they had it. I cried for 3 months about it… ya its not something one wants to share, but out of respect and human decency I would

Not true. She will still have breakouts. She is only contagious if/when she has breakouts.


acyclovir & abriva will help but won’t cure it. Outbreaks can be forever. You need to tell whoever you plan on being intimate with as well as a doctors if and when pregnant you are a carrier.

Uhhhh no that’s a lifetime disease only way to pass it though is if she has a active breakout at time of unprotected sex.


There are diff forms of herpers…std is way diff then the cold sore ones and the chicken pox ones and the shingle ones…but all still forms of herpes

I was diagnosed with herpes and 2 years later it was gone. But since that happened and even though I am considered “clean” I have never not told someone I dated/slept with. This topic is extremely important.

Both hsv-2(genital herpes) hsv-1(oral herpes) are a life long disease with no cure out breaks will happen periodically condoms should always be used to prevent the spread

Can’t she go to the doctor and have test done to see if she has any STDs and such?

Not everyone has herpes lol


Why’s the fella asking her mates her personal info why not ask her :joy::woman_shrugging:t3:

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Herpes is for life. She has to tell her partners.

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I’m not sure how herpes works since I don’t have it, but I know it’s viral so an antibiotic wouldn’t do much for it, unless she had a secondary infection with it. Maybe look online or post on AskDocs on Reddit, verified physicians will respond to give you the most accurate information on the virus.

Also, she needs to be the one to tell him she has it. I think it’s over your pay grade as a friend to get involved in their relationship. I do think she should tell him, however.

Edit here’s the sub:


That’s definitely not how it works. She really needs to talk to her doctor and get educated in it before she spreads it to others. She’s not ignorant just naive. She needs to be educated.


Lie. A cold sore WILL give someone genital herpes which is different than a average cold sore. She has legit vaginal herpes now and can pass it


This is incorrect. It may be dormant but she still has it. Coming from someone who was diagnosed at 15.

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Tell him to use a condom. He shouldnt be lied to and get it. It never goes away. Also…she needs to know that ,if ever decides to have kids,she will most likely need a C-Section so baby doesnt get it. Your friend needs to talk to her Gyno and get some facts before goes sleeping with anyone. He could probably take legal action against her if she knew and lied about it and he gets it.

Healthcare worker here. Nope that’s a lifetime virus that has no cure and she needs to go to the doctor to test for both hsv1 and hsv2 both. She needs to disclose that information before sleeping with anyone else… the virus will lay dormant until it sheds again so she will always put others at risk.

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If she has genital herpes she will always have genital herpes. Which isn’t a big deal as long as she’s proactive about it and is honest with her partners.

If I’m correct (don’t quote me on this) there are medications she can be prescribed to keep from having a flair up. And during a flair up is when people have the highest risk of spreading genital herpes. So maybe she’s confused because she hasn’t had a flair up since she took the initial antibiotics. But she still very much has genital herpes and AT THE LEAST needs to be honest with all sexual partners about it. And depending on the state you reside in (like Virginia for example) its actually illegal to have sexual relations and not disclose that information to your partner, whether its a one night stand or a relationship.

There is so much wrong with this. Herpes is forever and not everyone has it smh.


Why would her new guy ask you such a question?

She legally has to tell him I think


Not everyone has herpes :joy: I damn sure don’t! However too many people for comfort do. She needs to tell anyone she sleeps with that she has herpes bc wtf :flushed:


If she doesn’t tell her partners and they get it from her they can actually press charges against her and she can do jail time. As for herpes once you get them they’re there for life.


My friend has that and they are active and transmitted when sores are there. She definitely needs to tell him.


I reckon everyone should know the sexual health of a person they are sleeping with or going to be sleeping with. It helps the stigmatization of stds and stis. If she isn’t open about it to him or refuses then you need to tell him. For the sake of your friend getting into legal trouble and also because you dont want her being known as a spreader. Having the help now and encouragement minimizes the embarrassment and risk of passing it unknowingly to others. As long as she let’s him know and keeps her health I check (like everyone should) it will be okay. Give her hug. Go to the drs with her and ask the Dr for a full explanation and advice

If he’s not mature enough to ask the girl himself, he shouldn’t be sleeping with her.

What a child to go asking her friends instead of being an adult and waiting until they have built trust enough to take it to that level. Or use protection. Or straight up ask the person he wants to bang. What a loser.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Needing advice about the herpes virus

Why in the hell are YOU discussing another person’s business?!

Hsv2 can be transmitted ALL the time. Hsv1 usually does not cause genital herpes. There are some instances where 1 could possibly cause a genital outbreak.
Antibiotics are not given for herpes. Acyclovir is commonly used for herpes.
Please, anyone who really doesn’t know about herpes google and get the correct info. No cure forr herpes. Can be very painful during outbreaks.

Herpes is a virus, antibiotics wouldn’t work as it’s not a bacterial infection.

Everyone does not have herpes.

Where are you getting this misinformation. DONT ASK FACEBOOK. PLEASE ASK YOUR FAMILY DOCTOR!!

She will always have it. Nothing can cure it. And yes, she will pass it on to him. You should tell him to have her get tested if you don’t want to be the bearer of bad news.

I just hope you don’t share any cups or utensils with her cuz you’ll get it too. I’ve heard that only an active outbreak can spread it to your partner. Being a woman, you have internal sex organs and she can’t see inside to see if she’s currently getting an outbreak. Antibiotics will not touch it. It’s a virus not bacteria. Once you have it, you have it for life.


Nah, horse shit. She has herpes


Once you have herpes you will always have them

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She needs antivirals for outbreaks and other pills I believe to prevent outbreaks