Hi everyone. Moms with blended families, maybe you can help! I’m with my boyfriend, he has a daughter, and I have my two girls. Our girls are young. I have a few things wrong with this… His child’s mom and I get along very well. She’s told me in the past he asked for her back, and he admitted it but said it was at the start of our relationship, so it didn’t matter. He will buy her coffee in the morning even though she didn’t ask. He and his mom drive her around for the kid’s appointment and such. His mother never asks me how I am, she’s constantly texting his kid’s mom and her family, and even she thinks it’s weird. This has been ongoing. He’s lied to me about going places with her like shopping and such; at the beginning of our relationship… he got really drunk and ignored me all day and hung with her. We’re now three years in this, and I’m not over it. It feels like he’s doing nothing to provide us a house. I’m working full time, too, and it’s like he just wants to live with his mom. He will constantly be at his mom’s. His father also told his kid’s grandmom on her mom’s side I was nice, but I come with baggage (my kids). He will complain about driving my girls to school in the morning; he is fed a hot meal every night by me. I clean and cook and work. There’s so much. His mom told me once it would be easier off the kid had her mom and dad just in the picture without me. Our kids constantly fight. All five of us share a room. I’m so sick of it. However, I feel like staying together is easier. He’s constantly arguing with me about dumb stuff like how my kids should be raised religiously or whatever. I’m scared of heartbreak. It’ll kill me to see him with someone else, and to be honest, I feel like we sometimes stay just for the sex. I just needed to vent, but everyone’s mad at me for taking him back constantly. My kids do love him, but I don’t feel like they are treated fairly because I feel like his child is praised a lot more. Is this something you work through, or should I have left when he asked for his ex back? She did say no at the time he asked. He tried to say he didn’t ask for her back; he asked her what she thought about if they were together again, which is the same thing, in my opinion.
Easier said than done but…let that one go.
You should have left a LONG time ago.
Girl, straight up LEAVE. And I don’t say that lightly. But that is massive bullshit. You can do bad all by yourself why even have him there at this point. You will find someone so much better. Trust the process
It won’t get better! 3 years, he is stuck in his childish ways… He will start treating your kids like crap more and more… I know it’s easier said than done, but leave… You and your kids deserve better!
Sounds like you need to move on in my opinion. Sex isn’t enough to stay with someone who treats his ex better.
This isn’t a blended family… this is a mixed mess that you’re calling a family. It’s time to let it go so you can all be happy.
Honestly I would just leave because all your doing is hurting yourself an then babies… you an then kids need someone who’s gonna out you first… I get he has a child with another woman but you are his girlfriend he should be putting his kids with her an ya first not bring her coffee an hanging out with her…
You should have been gone.
Sounds like he wants to be with her… seems like if he was serious about you then he would be wanting to move in with you
Girl show him the door. You and your girls deserve better than that. If after 3 years nothing has changed it never will. He needs to grow up.
Run for the hills hun
Isnt going to change. Cut your losses
He has two moms, his other one and you. Your only advantage is you occasionally provide sex too. He has no reason to change. You are a place holder until he can get back with his ex.
You don’t have kid’s together. Leave! It won’t change unfortunately.
Sounds like he is already with someone else in my opinion. You and your girls would be much better on your own and deserve better. Remember you are showing them what to look for in a relationship and what is ok to put up with for “love”.
The disrespect from his parents alone would be a deal breaker for me. The only feasible way I could see someone trying to work past it is if they had a child together
Move on for your sake and especially for your kids
Let him go. He’s not done with his ex, whether she wants him back or not.
This is a relationship of convenience and the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave
It’s been 3 years let it go he is not making an effort to make a real family with you.
Maybe it’ll work someday after he grows up
Im praying for you to treat yourself better.do you know you deserve better? He should be treating you like his queen and you first and only. If you gotta worry and wonder. About him with his ex he is not the one. Id walk away from that. But i know its easy to say and harder to do.
That’s not a blended family. Step back and look at what your children would see if they were old enough to know better. Would they like that you’re second to an ex? No. You are worth so much more than he’s willing to give. You are worth so much more than what you are expecting in return. You need to move on and find a relationship that is worthy of you
Girl. You already know the answer, you just don’t wanna admit it.
That is a shitstorm of problems.
When you have had enough, you will leave.
But you won’t leave one single minute before you are ready.
I’ve been there, done that, I speak from experience.
It will not matter one bit if 1,000 people get on here and tell you to leave.
You know you need to, you just don’t WANT to.
Not yet.
Also, D is available everywhere.
Girl… Read all that as if someone else were saying it. Or better yet, what would you be telling your daughter or son?
Dude… you and your kids deserve better. Get out now.
You should have left a long time ago.
If you put your needs above your children you’re being selfish. You even admitted you think y’all are only together cause’ of the sex. So good sex is more important than your children being treated fairly and accepted??? Just saying that’s exactly what I got out of this. If no one else will say it, I will.
All five of y’all share a room?
You are teaching your daughters that’s it’s ok for a man to treat you bad. So much more to a relationship then sex
You Know the ANSWER NOW JUST DO IT
You deserve better than that and so do your children and the female in the picture is not your friend so please don’t think she is if she were she would tell him to leave her the fuck alone. Let him stay at his mama’s and you and your kids move on. You’re worth more than that.
You need to get out of this relationship
Please let him go its only going to get worse
I think some guys have a special spot in their hearts for their baby mamas. So they treat her like that. you have every right to feel the way u feel. If it’s going to make u feel some type of way that you cant get over it, than move on. Why would you all share one room? Sounds like a small house and when no one has room to have space, issues can arise.
You gotta do right by your kids I’m sure they feel it too and it’s not going to be easy and nobody wants to go through heartbreak but most people go through it and get through it just know your not alone I would feel so out of place and unwanted know your worth and even if you can’t do it tomorrow or soon plan for it so you can
leave the loser for your kids sake youve already wasted 3 years too long believe me you dont get those previous years back and it sucks if not for you that you dont think you deserve better your kids deserve better
Don’t think those girls can’t at least feel the tension. No amount of sex can make it ok to live your life miserably.
You should want better and DESERVE to be someone’s priority and not their option.
Look at your girls and ask yourself is this how I want my daughters treated
You will say no and that’s your answer x
I think you should of left along time ago. Its great when parents can co parent, but imo hanging out together all day just cause, when your in a relationship is inappropriate.
Also, if your children are being treated differently, another reason to go. Eventually they’ll notice it too and start asking questions.
Your not happy. He’s not trying to fix that. Leave.
Ask yourself what you’d say if you read this coming from someone else…
lmao let her have him
Dont waste your life and your daughters, move on now.
Run hard, run fast, run far!! You should never tolerate having your children called baggage and completely disregard you. No one is going to hand you what you want in life. You have to get it for yourself. If you can’t leave, then find a way to be happy as is. You cannot change that many people, nor expect it.
Never be someone’s second choice
Try to get your own place, child! You can do it! But yeah, that’d be a no from me. Been there, done that, not worth it.
You let him and his family treat your kids like they don’t matter, shame on you.
You may not realize you deserve better, you see that your children absolutely deserve a father figure that loves the entire family dynamic. Don’t keep letting your babies down.
It literally sounds like another relationship is taking place and you are a third wheel.
Omg, get out already.
The caring for her and putting the kids first by doing things together is normal. MILs suck sometimes so normal. Their was a family before you that everyone knew and loved and it takes awhile to get used to and love new. Do not stay for the kids though especially since hes not their dad. If the issue is caring for baby mama thats fine if itz bigger than leave
LEAVE! this is toxic to you and your kids!
I was in a kind of similar place. Except the kids were ours. I was treated very badly by his family and the whole time we were together we either lived with my mom or his mom. I wasted 5 years with a man that didn’t care about having a family with me. I have now been with my bf for 2 years. we’ve moved into a nice house and are in the process of buying our 2nd vehicle. Also him and his family LOVE my daughter as if she were theirs. The point is if someone really loves you they will love everything you come with as well. And 3 years is long enough for him to have focused on y’all’s family to get y’all a home yet he’s too worried about his BM. Please take them babies and leave.
Get OUT!! Quickly!!!
Run as fast as you can
Leave, that’s a toxic relationship. What are you actually getting from this man? He isn’t helping provide for the family. He doesn’t want to help with your kids. He is causing a ton of drama. You are sleeping in a one bedroom home. You need someone who is gonna take away the stress and drama, not add to it. Let him go. It will be hard at first but you won’t regret it.
You should leave for the sake of your girls. Get a place, just the 3 of you. He and his family clearly care about the mother of his child.
Yeah you have overstayed. A relationship is more than sex.
One he never treated you right. But it’s the not treating your kids fairly and complaining about them or doing things for them for me. I get you’re scared of heartbreak but it’s not only about you. Your girls deserve a good father figure who will treat them like his own. And they deserve to see their mother being treated treated right. How a woman should really be treated by a man. I think you should let him go. It’ll make you stronger. Know your worth! But most of all know your childrens!
You can find and do better for yourself than this
I wouldn’t. I’d find someone to treat me right nd show him off. The only heart break is gonna be when I see urself in a predicament later on you seen happening now. I wouldn’t waste time in this life nc it’s so shirt nd we deserve to be happy. I hope u find your answers soon love.
Don’t be someone’s second choice. I hope that one day you find someone who cherishes you and makes you feel like number one in their eyes instead of you feeling constantly like you need to compete. Also, you know your kids deserve better. That honestly should be your only deciding factor in my opinion.
Unacceptable. That is not him coparenting with his childrens mother properly at all. Their relationship is over and the g ocus should be on all 3 of his children biological or not if you see your children being treated any differently then his biological child then you need to prepare yourself for that heartbreak and just get over it by leaving. No his family don’t have to treat your children as they treat their bio grandchild BUT they should never be treated or referred to as baggage. Im surprised you’ve allowed yourself to go on in this manner for 3 yrs when the answer has been staring you in the face all along. You deserve better and your children deserve better. Im not trying to be cruel but weigh your options. Just by these few occurrences you’ve mentioned you have to know what’s going on isn’t right.
How are y’all having sex great enough to put up with all that nonsense when you’re in one room with 3 kids 
You need to leave and work through the heartache. You have been given 1000 reasons to leave. The fact that you overlook the unfair treatment of your kids is heartbreaking. Sex and fear of heartache are no reasons to stay.
Babe I’m so sorry you are going through this but you need to listen to your head not your heart you need to run get away from this jerk because I can guarantee you the first chance he gets to sleep with her he’s going to he’s not over her and that’s not fair to you and your girls you deserve a man that is 
yours not hers then yours this is so not okay I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not in your situation but if your heart is telling you where your head is telling you he’s not in it with you you need to listen to that honey because you can’t show your girls this is how they need to be treated by a man when their mums adults my girls have been shown that you put up with nothing like this you need to raise strong young women that if they desire the world they’re going to get it because that is your number one job your number one job is to make sure you and your girls are happy safe and healthy you really need to sit down and think about this talk to one of your family members your mum or your dad maybe even his dad someone that you trust maybe it might be a good idea to talk to the ex just promise yourself you are can I take this so seriously it’s not funny and good luck babe we are all here for you 
My head is spinning from this post. I thought the situation with the ex was the worst part but it was clearly just the beginning. You saying “I feel like staying together is easier” …I promise you, it isn’t.
And you’re with him why?
I think your children deserve better
Your kids are the most important part of this whole thing, if they are not being treated fairly it’s time to walk away and find someone who won’t see your kids as baggage! Your only going to keep making yourself miserable through the lies and sticking with it your hurting your kids too! You will be heartbroken but it’s possible to move forward to something better, remember that when your having a down moment, you nor your kids deserve to live like this!
He is using you. Find yourself another man, he isn’t the one
Any dude that reads this honestly would have a different opinion on what is really going on behind your back.
Well, she keeps hanging out with him. That alone should tell you something. Dump his ass.
Three years and it’s not getting better… why are u there. Been there done that. I’ve tried for too long… the same as you! With the struggle of being a working mom of 5… I understand how hard life is but you will be happier without him you just need the courage to take that first step.
- If child services finds out there is 5 people in 1 bedroom they will make u get ur own place 2. How r u even having sex if u got 3 kids in the same room ? And 3. Just freaking leave its obvious he dont want you so suck it up and get away from him especially bcuz ur girls dont need to be treated differently.
Honestly, I got halfway through this and I was already thinking you needed to leave him. You can do better.
This is the kind of stuff that’s going to really mess with your kids heads when they are older and in their own relationships. If you settled for it, they’ll think it’s okay - and it’s not. Do right by them and do better for yourself.
It won’t change or get it better .
I’m step mom and have blended family. No kids should be praised more than the other. There should only be coparent relationship with the ex. They are no longer a family they should act like it that is sooooo confusing for child ifnyour in the picture. I feel like you need to.move on. There is someone out there that will want growth and a family with you .
Sometimes it hurts more to stay. Letting go is easier than holding on. This all sounds like a bad relationship in my opinion. You need to do what’s best for you and your babies. I’ve been through this. In the end I realized that there was so much more going on that I didn’t know. I only knew bits and pieces. Breakups are always hard. It’s been three years yes, but would you rather it end in 5 or 10 more? Ask yourself if you would want your daughters in relationships like the one you’re in. If the answer is no than you answered your own question.
He doesn’t want a relationship with you, he’s still in love with the Ex but she doesn’t want him back, this sounds incredibly confusing and messed up for your kid to be around. He is a mess and you are afraid to be alone, let her have him and find someone who’s willing to be invested and doesn’t consider your child a baggage, how would he feel if you said that about his kids?
I’ll tell you what my phycologist said to me, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last to start all over again. It was the smack I needed to wake me up. You better get out of there now. We get too comfortable in our position and prefer to settle. You shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve nor your daughters.
Think of your children and what they see. Move on before more damage can be done to them but watching what you tolerate. They’ll think that’s the way it should be
It’s not blended family, it’s a mess that you have your kids entangled in. Blended family support each other and make each other feel loved and welcomed on both sides! This isn’t happening. You should be the bigger person for your and your kids and let the relationship part ways. He still has his hands tied up with ex and kid. You are just the side chick that he has for convenience for him. Teach your kids that relationships don’t work the way you guys are now and leave the sticky situation. Best of luck!
It sounds like everyone involved doesn’t want this relationship except maybe him. He gets a maid, child care, cook & side chick. His family & ex don’t see you as a permanent part of his life. It sounds like you’re only staying because you don’t want to be without a man. You don’t need him. You can provide better for yourself & kids without him. Move out!
Dude. Staying for devil dick is a poor excuse. He’s obviously choosing his first family over you & yours. You need to let go for the sake of your mental health & your kids. Blended or not, no kids should be treated unequally. I’m in a big blended family as well & I wouldn’t stand for any of the above. You deserve better 
You are making excuses to avoid pain. You know this isn’t the right situation for you. Everything about it is wonky and off. It’s very apparent that your bfs ex is who he wants and if she changed her mind tomorrow and said hey let’s try again he would. Don’t be someone’s fill in. He cares about you, but not the way you want to be cared about and loved and included into a family. It’s not a match, the pieces don’t fit. It’s time to let go and move forward. Yes it will hurt, but you’ll feel so much stronger when you process the pain and move forward to a healthier situation for both you and your kids who are NOT baggage.
I have a blended family. But this is not a family. Not by my definition anyway. You children deserve better. Do better…
Shit if it’s just for sex thin move out get you a home for YOU an YOUR KIDS an put him on a booty call no need to live there an have 5 of you in a room how do you even have sex with the kids in there an have your kids go through hell just because the sex is good if someone family did that to my kid I would have left a long ass time ago I think you know you need to leave but your scared to but right know is the best time you don’t have kids with him an you can wash your hands from it WALK A WAY
Get out while ya still can
leave now! Accept no one who doesn’t treat your kids like their own in addition to all that other mess you explained. He doesn’t want to be with you…it’s just convenient 
Get out now, reread what u wrote as if it were someone eles wanting ur advise, what would u advise??
It definitely sounds like he is not over his ex. It sounds like he is in this out of convenience not Bc his heart is in it. I would get out.
Don’t walk… R U N
Your not married nor do you share a child AND your kids arent happy… LEAVE
What are you doing? This is not a fair or equal relationship and I hope that guy has some magic t🍆 because he is totally content with his current situation . If you want to break out and be your own family I don’t see that happening with the information you shared. He liked his ex and probably wanted things to stay the same. If your kids don’t get along and the only reason you stay is sexy you are doing yourself a major disservice. He is not going to put you and your kids first. If he was you wouldn’t feel this way. So why are you with this guy? It doesn’t sound like he cares one way or they other if your around unless it’s to bitch or need sex. Who cares if you cook clean and get him off. If he’s still in love with someone else you are never going to be first. You are the one he’s settling for because it sounds like he wants her. What are you waiting for ? Get out and find real happiness and someone that puts you and your family first.
He’s not the problem you are your own problem. You met a man 3 years ago and thought the best plan was for you to move not only yourself but your own 2 children in 1 room in his parents house. Maybe they treat your kids like that because you are also treating your kids like that. You need to stop worrying about him chasing his baby mama and worry about putting a roof over your own children’s head because it sounds like both you and he are not being responsible and are still being someone’s child yourself a.
Sounds like he is getting everything he wants without the commitment. I’d leave him. You’ll get over the heartache.
It’s definitely NOT easier to “just stay together.” You’re miserable, the kids are miserable, and at the first sign of him not treating my kids well, either he’d have been out the door or me and my children would have been out the door. Don’t put up with that shit.
He’s waiting but doesn’t want to be “alone”. He’s waiting for his ex to “SAY THE WORD” so to speak. RUN… LIKE… HELL!!
Girl, BYE!!! Why even ask question you know the answer to?? He needs to go. Put your kids feelings before your own