Needing advice from other step moms of older kids

If you want to give them something, give without expecting anything in return. With children of any age, it should be about unconditional love. If you don’t want to give them money, without strings attached, then don’t.

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Girl, i feel ya on this. My husband and i have been married 5 years and his son still doesnt come around and hasnt since right before our wedding weekend. His daughter just now started coming around, after 5 years. They both have children, son has one that my husband has seen twice and daughter has 2, that have met us numerous times now and they love us to pieces. I have never treated these children or grandchildren any different then what i do my own. I will say, my husband stayed away and never went out of his way to contact either of them. He let it go. He said he wasnt feeding into their BS. The daughter, contacted my husband and wanted him in her and her kids lives.
As far as your younger children, huge age gap there…it is gonna seem as tho you are treating your younger ones different than the older daughter, their NEEDS and DEMANDS are far different. Do not let them use you for money, which i have a feeling thats what they may do. I had to put a stop to the handing money out. I wanted to see if thats why we were wanted around all a sudden. I would just sit back and ket it ride. Dont mention the older kids, but try to be there for your husband when he does, cuz im sure it hurts him that his children dont come around, as it did my husband. They are old enough to make their own decisions and they will regret it one day, rather it be sooner or later. Thats how we treated it. And my husband blocked them on social media and just played their games back. His son, is still blocked…daughter was unblocked, but now all a sudden, she deleted her social media. You cant make their relationship…your husband and his children, are thr only ones that can do that. U need to worry about your babies. They need you!!

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It’s his kids. They are older. You should not be involved in this.

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Sounds like the kids don’t know you and the father also didn’t make an effort to build a relationship with his kids so why should they visit? Maybe they don’t even have a vehicle, maybe there’s more to the story before you were in the picture :thinking:

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yes their his kids and if he dont care that they dont come around then why would you.all you NEED to worry about is them showing up with atitude towards you.thats when you can definetly open your gob and say get the f…ck out .and if hubby got problem with that throw him out to

I am basically in a similar situation as you . My husband and I have been married five years . We each have grown , adult kids . His are 25 and 27 . They rarely visit and are rude when they do come . However , I am polite and kind . I am sure it is difficult for them to see me with their father instead of their mom . Divorce hits kids of all ages very hard . And when one parent remarries , it CAN be hard on the kids . We do not demand they come and see us . We send money / gifts on special occasions. We continue to love and pray for them . Hopefully , one day , they will choose to visit us more and decide to have a relationship with me . Until then , we will continue to show love . Btw, when they are rude , I don’t correct them . I simply do not respond . Silence can speak volumes ! Just know this is not easy on those kids and you certainly don’t want to make things worse for them .

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Everyone saying it is because of the dad have not had to deal with bitter baby mommas. Sorry but they are adults and your husband is not required to be there atm. And there is nothing wrong with him expecting them to visit to get there gifts, its not holding it over there head, only if all they want from him is money.

A gift is something that is just given freely. Anything else is a business transaction… barter/trade.

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I have grown step children. But if they call needing something theres no questions asked. We help. But my husband and i are real close with his children. Seems that maybe yours isnt.

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Congrats you’re an ATM. Those are two adult people who use you as an ATM. If the money is for something like medical bills, school or keeping themselves from sliding in to poverty, they would try harder. But as it stands, you and your hubby are an ATM for them as long as you allow.

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Ask for an address and send it call it a day. Might be better than having to be face to face with someone who doesnt want to be around.

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Just Venmo or Walmart the money. Stop fussing. If that’s all she wants give it to her. It’s her birthday for crying out loud. Plus you just said she doesn’t have a great relationship with her father.

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FTK. Unless it’s your money. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it. Let them figure it out themselves. If their relationship sucks because of you, oh well! Let them figure it out. It’s there fault they didn’t have a stable foundation built before you and your baby came into the picture. Mind your own. If it doesn’t effect you and your child let them decide how they want to handle things.

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Maybe the kids are weirded out because he is old enough to be a grandpa & starting a new family. Just because you had more children doesn’t mean his others no longer exist or need support. Send them the money and don’t be so stingy. Those kids were his kids first and don’t deserve to be deprived because you wanted more kids.

Seems kinda sus that you haven’t listed your age or your husband’s. If daddy married a woman half his age, who’s only a couple years older than his oldest living child, than I wouldn’t be nice to my stepmonster either. :woman_shrugging:t2: that’s gross

Send her $20 bucks on a Wal-Mart gift card and call it a day.

I have 3 bonus children all grown. We have a wonderful relationship as do my childten and my husband. Maybe they have their reasons. Are you the reason your husband divorced his wife ?

You are petty he had children before you met and with it comes responsibility what kind of man cant send money in a card to his children he obviously doesn’t bother going near unless they make an effort to come to yours .Yeah he sounds like a catch .Your attitude towards them is probably why they make excuses not to come he should be ashamed of himself a father takes a tad more than a poxy card on birthdays. But I’m sure hell prove that to you with your own 2 just [email protected]!!!

They are grown adults. If they wanted a relationship they would try. Send them a gift on birthdays or a card. They shouldn’t be upset about daddy not giving them fun money. They need to grow.

The kids are both grown adults now. There’s probably a reason why they want nothing to do with their dad and thats their choice. Your husband doesnt have to give her $ anymore. Worry about your younger kids together. The older 2 adult kids are no longer your financial responsibility.

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If my own kids can’t come see me, I bless them anyway. I love my children unconditionally, they don’t have to earn it by visiting me. And I send money through the mail . You either love and forgive or you don’t. Money given between visits is dependent on what I have. Dads who live with their children seem more generous than those who do not. If he lived with his 19 year old a hey dad can I have a couple of dollars on the way out would he yes. But when a child has to call an absent father it seems different, doesn’t it. And this woman was not there when these kids were her children’s ages so she can’t say she disciplines hers better.

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Listen this may have to do with the loss of their sister. The family <unit can fall apart. Survivors guilt is real! How did your husband and his ex handle her passing? Did they end up divorced because of their pain? Did they not have a good relationship afterwards? Or did he he use money to try to stay In their lives? Children whether they are grown now or not also have their own pain and issues. You cant force their relationship! Be kind and supportive but you need to let your husband decide what will happen here.

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The older two need to see that they are grown. He needs to tell her the next time she calls for money to get a job. I am a step mother to 3 grown kids. They all have jobs and none of them ask their dad for anything other than occasional help. They talk often but don’t rely on him.

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Get on with your life and let them get in with theirs. They will have their reasons for their lack of interest k their father and their half siblings. Leave the ball in their court send birthday and Christmas cards but as they are adults I would leave it at that. You cannot make them respect you but nor do you have to accept disrespect let them alone to their own choices.

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His kids are grown. Having a relationship with them is kind of their choice. There is not much you can do other than keep inviting them. As far as giving them money goes that is between them and their father. If they where still children he would be obligated but as adults he isn’t responsible for giving them “fun money”. Sounds like his relationship wasn’t the greatest before you and their siblings arrived on the scene. You can’t fix that. Hopefully they will eventually want to get to know their siblings but that is up to them. Love the babies you have at home and don’t stress the rest!

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There has got to be a reason, good or bad that she wont come to you. I suggest your husband get down to why his relationship with his older children is this way. If my older children wouldnt come see me i knew something was wrong. So at least have him call them and figure this out so e1 can get past this.

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There’s a lot of good advice on here. I hope you read them all, use some of it.
Whatever you do, don’t interfere, don’t get in the middle of it.
As older kids they’ll do what they want to do.
Good Luck. God Bless.

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I’d say for the dad to just cash app the kids or pay pal instead of having them have to pick it up. That’s what my brother does. It seems to me like you want a relationship with them and they don’t. If I were you I would stay out of their business and worry about your own kids. Maybe one day they will come around.

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Remember, you are the parents. As a step parent, you don’t get to make decisions on your step kids behalf unless asked by the parents. It’s a tough spot. I always felt like don’t give a opinion unless asked. Maybe get a sitter for the two little and have the big kids come over for a family dinner and talk it out? Idk, sounds like some of the story is missing. I can tell you personally, family therapy worked for us. By the end myself, my husband his ex and her new husband and child all went together. You get to see everyone’s perspective and have more of an understanding towards each other. It’s A LOT of work if it doesn’t function but the work needs to be put in if you all want healthy relationships. It can be exhausting. The big kids have no interest in their little siblings? That’s unfortunate. Try and get it together. Be proactive. Seek help from the outside of you can. Good luck. It’s not easy.

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How long ago did they loose their sister? How quickly did dad move on to you?
How long have you been together? Did you ever have a relationship with the kids?

grieving teens don’t always process their emotions the best. The kids may be thinking the babies “replaced” their sister and resent you/ their dad/ the kids.
Obviously not the truth. But these kids had a lot of stuff shake up their lives and I don’t blame them for having a hard time processing

I’d recommend just hubby (no offense to you or the kids) going out to MEET his daughter, give her the birthday money. But the deal would be she has to have a sit down dinner with him and TALK (dinner he pays for)
You might these kids have a lot of unprocessed feelings.

It’s hard being a teen/young adult. It’s extra hard in a pandemic. Divorce is hard. Remarriage is hard. And loss of a close family member like that is harder than ANY of the stuff listed above.
Give them space and grace, they’ll respond in due time :purple_heart:

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To be honest, id first wonder why they don’t care enough to see the dad.

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My question going to be… How many times has he or you gone out of your your way to spend time with them? It should never be up to the kid to find time for the parents. The parents need to ALWAYS make time and do thing that their kids enjoy. If she likes hanging out at a beach, why not make a day of it? Make them feel loved and cared for. Take your time to build a bond with his children.
And remember, they are adults. They dont need a “new mommy” making rules for them. This will only push them away. They need their father to be a father and you to be a friend.

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So my stepson is 21 and I’ve been with his dad since he was 3. So I know all the family drama. Issues with the kids mom. The kids issues etc.

As the stepmother you have no say. You don’t get to reprimand, make deals, or bribe them.

You said you’ve been married 2.5 years but how long have you been together? Do you know the back story? Do you know what happened with hid oldest and when she died?

Bribing your kids to come see you is unnecessary. When they’re ready they’ll come around. Just mail them the money and then wait. Just wait.

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Of course you treat your YOUNG kids differently. Good lord. They are small children. This daughter sounds like an entitled brat. Just send the gift to her and be done. As far as her asking for money all the time, stop giving it.

Expecting the stepkids to come and get their birthday gifts is a power play. If you or their dad truly wants to “give” them a gift, you can send it to them. If you stop trying to keep the upper hand and instead try to understand where they’re coming from, you might make better progress with your stepkids.

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Let me be VERY clear…

These kids have a strained relationship with their dad. They are going to need validation and empathy. They’re going to need to see you acknowledge that and push their dad to repair it. This needs to come before your need to feel appreciated and respected. This needs to be front and center of your family. Your children have siblings that they’re going to lose if you don’t fix this.

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Really…this issue is between your husband and his ADULT children! Stop trying to fix a problem you didn’t create, was probably there before you came along and their mother had a hand in perpetuating as woman are so good at doing I’m sure! They are ADULTS…not necessarily mature ones!!!
A parent’s love should be unconditional. If he wants to give them money for their birthdays…do so pure of heart. NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY!!!
Life is short…all this pettiness is BS!!
All the negative energy expended on this issue, would better be served as positive energy spent on your smaller children!
LET THEM GO…THEY ARE ADULTS!!!
You can’t fix broken with a bandaid!

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If they don’t come see their father or have anything to do with them then there is no need to support them with any amount of money. I get falling on hard times and my dad has always been there for me but we are close.
It’s a different story when your children don’t come see you and only call when they need something. They are grown.

I don’t agree with people saying you have no say. You absolutely have say. They may not be your children but you are their fathers spouse and they should respect that and respect you. Your husband should be the one demanding them to respect you and yalls life together. What happened in the past is over you are his present wife and that bond and relationship should be respected by all.

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I feel for the older kids. I may be off but It sounds like they have some unresolved trauma possibly related to loss of older sister or maybe the divorce. Dad needs to make an attempt to love and support them and work through the issues that are interfering with them having a healthy relationship with him so it does not follow them into adult relationships.
With regard to the money give it, no strings attached, do not use it to control or manipulate.

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Seems to me that money is the relationship. Dad probably started that way so the kids continued. Why would the daughter go out of her way to change that. She’s internalized that that’s the relationship dad wants with her. Send her the money and allow her to love him from a distance. Its healthier for her at this point until dad and her both want more. You are just an additional to what they already had going on. No offense but its your husband problem.

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I would stay out of it. Don’t even give an opinion. There may be reasons prior to the time you two have been together for them not wanting to come around; that does not concern you. You don’t want to be a meddling step mom and ruin any chance you have of having a relationship with them or them with their Dad.

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I am a mom of 9 ranging from 3 to 21 and 3 step kids 21 14 15 we have been together 11 years so my advice to u is cash app her the money but not what she asks for what you can afford…and just hope one day she actually shows up…you can’t force them at that age…and it’s not so much that they feel that you dont love them the same its that ur kids are going to get more of their dad then they did…you just have to be patient and love no matter what but don’t force her to love you it visit you…bc one day when they actually act grownthey will realize who was always there no matter what no judgement…even if she spends it on the beach thats on her…but most of all :pray: pray… God moves mountains…

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As a child of divorce with having step parents and also being a mother now… the children are what’s important not the money. If you honestly believe they only want money you do not understand. My dad was absent for 8 years. Money was the only way I could get his attention :woman_shrugging:t2: I can promise you I don’t remember the amount, I remember that it was the only way he would come see me. We would meet up at a coffee house or restaurant and he would spend about an hour with me. If I had said ‘hey let’s do dinner’ he was busy BUT if I ‘needed money’ he would come meet me. I think it immature that you feel that need to come to you. It’s not about you or your younger children. These older-not adult-children need their father to put in the effort to see them. I can say from their point of view they probably see dad moved on and not caring about them. He won’t even drive less than an hour to see them. So, if it were about them needing or wanting money, don’t you think they’d just show up? To me, it is obvious they want attention from dad without you. It’s nothing personal against you and you should respect that. If you were a good wife and partner, you should be encouraging your husband to be the bigger man and tell him GO TO YOUR CHILDREN. Imagine if he left you and then refused to come to your kids. We are parents. We go to our children. Sorry, but this is about them not you or your husband. You’re both being selfish.

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Let him deal with his kids. But adding strings to a gift isn’t a gift.

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My experience is coming from being the step child.
When my parents divorced I felt lost. As an adult with my own kids, I now know how wrong I was for treating them the way I did.
They only tried to be nice and I just didn’t care because I felt like MY family wasn’t whole.
They had kids and I felt left out (even though they tried to include me and did nothing wrong).
All I saw was that my parents didn’t try to work it out for me. What I didn’t see was that some relationships don’t work and if they stayed together, how miserable all of our lives would have been. You can’t force love. People change and fall out of love. I get that now because of life experience.
Until they become actual adults and have kids of their own etc. They might not ever get it or come around.
One thing is for sure, you can’t force it. They will have to find this out for themselves. What I would say is that I understand we can’t force you to want to visit us so we will just send you a card with money etc. We hope that one day you may change your mind but know that we love you no matter what. And leave it at that.

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How close to her age are You??? That right there is the respect issue, likely not her parent so don’t try and not quite her Friend age, that’s on you for having children with a man who has adult children. The math of married 2.5 years with a 21 month old also plays into this… as a father (&a mother) what would you say to your child if that happened? What would you say to your parent if they did that , but ooh oops dad already did that, his “parenting” is in question in addition to morales of you both.
Seems to the kids and others like he is replacing his family with new if there is an 18+ year gap between his, and next oldest… let it go or soon he’ll be gone

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I am in a similar situation. Only I had 2 kids prior, he had one and we have one together. I personally don’t feel like it’s your place to influence what he does (give gifts how or when). Your role is to support. There are times with my own children when I give them a little extra because I simply want to. Saying you can barely afford to do things shouldn’t be a factor. Personally as mom I sacrifice for my kiddos all the time, why shouldn’t your hubby do the same. You will likely go without for your own children at times. Gifts are just that… gifts. They should be given from the heart without expectations. But I feel you it’s hard to do the right thing especially when treated poorly. My step daughter has zero respect for me and it makes it difficult to rise above. We are all human. My advice is to always try to take the higher road when it comes to his kiddos. Good luck.

This may not be a popular opinion, but at that age are they your step kids? They are adults, it might bother them if you refer to them as your step kids.
I’m a grown woman, my mom remarried a couple of years ago and her husband is just that- her husband, not my step father.

I’m a single mom of a teen (14) now too. And honestly if I remarry I wouldn’t expect my son to view my spouse as his step father if he wasn’t comfortable with that.
In fact his dad is remarrying and I can tell it bothers him to say step-siblings, let alone step mom.
I told him he doesn’t need to label it that way, he can say- this is my dads wife, and her kids.

With all of that being said- STAY OUT OF IT!!! Support him as your hubby and let him handle! It’s not your place!

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She’s 20. She can work and pay for her own expenses. If it’s not for college, food, medical or real necessity… no money for her. The time of paying for her expenses had expire. At 18 I was working, going to college, paying my rent and all my bills.

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If his kids don’t want to come around something probably happen between your husband and them and the daughter don’t feel comfortable being around him the son don’t want to be bothered with him at all

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From what I understand the problem is with their dad not with you. The issues they have with him, the loss of their sister and being young adults have a huge impact in their lives. You trying to discipline them at this age now, well that ship has sailed. They are young adults, yet they are adults with their own choices to make. If they were interested to visit and solve whatever issues they have with their father then good. But I don’t think you can do anything more about it. Maybe suggest that with kind words to them, as a last try, to come visit in order to solve ant issues they have and try to fix their relationship with their dad. They might feel more welcomed and safe. Other than that, it’s also up to your husband, mostly actually.

You absolutely should correct them in being disrespectful. They are adults now. Mine are 24 and 22 and bio is 19. Boundaries have to be established. Your only other role at this point is to be a support to your husband. Don’t defend anything you do, it’s not your job. You shouldn’t be telling those kids anything. Your husband should. Those are his relationships to maintain or not to maintain. Be open to them but don’t get in the middle of that. It only causes heartbreak…especially in your side.

Im sorry but they are to grown they should be working let the dad deal with it it no your responsibility don’t even worry about it worry about your two little ones let dad deal with it

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Stay out of it . you can have their dad send it to them . you sound jealous of his older kids

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Stop the money train and then allow your husband and his ADULT children figure out where to go from there.

I as someone who had steps parents a lot of times problems between the kids and parents need to be resolved between them. You don’t know the history because you wasn’t there. She is also a young adult who is making decisions or wanting to go places. All you can do is step back and him work on the problem. Don’t interfer because it really is between the two of them and their history.

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It honestly sounds like you have done everything you can to be involved with the kids. Sometimes all you can do is all you can do.

I have a stepmom and I can offer what I think of the situation. I think they don’t like the whole dynamic between you and their dad. Plus you throw in 2 kids that are their half siblings and that makes it worse. They just want money and nothing more from you. They don’t want to get to know you or their half siblings. It’s either out of anger or resentment. That’s why I don’t get to know my step mom.

It’s something with the dad that needs to be resolved I was the same way with my dad he gets upset sometimes that I won’t see him but it’s because growing up he treated me wrong like horrible and as a adult woman I have choose to deal with him sometimes whenever I have the mental energy he cause me a lot of pain as a child and his family hated me for it they would wonder why I wouldn’t come get gifts they would try to coak me out so id come and his step wife sounds a lot like u first off u need to let them handle that second u need to encourage him to talk to his children alone with out u and work thru whatever he did it sounds like it could be a lot of unresolved problems not being dealt with before u were in the picture from childhood why can’t u guys just cash app and extend a invite for dinner another time instead of making her jump thru hoops to get it like u are just the step mom so she may feel u are overstepping which I understand so idk it’s kind of a sticky situation but it would best if u maybe let them work on it and just support all of them u feel me

They are grown kids. They need to learn to fend for their own. It’s not your place or the fathers to keep fronting money. They can get a job and work. If it’s a live or die situation then that’s different but to go to the beach. Yeah it’s a no from me!!!

Dad should deliver gift he is the father I think there is more to the story but in any case dad give them the gift dont make conditions on it

For some reason, the only comment I can see if a hateful one telling you to treat them differently. But I thought I would throw in a different perspective… When I was that age, I was so self involved that time flew. I didn’t put much effort into seeing my dad because I just trying to figure out life in general. I would call when I needed help money wise because I thought I could depend on him. As I went through my twenties and matured, my viewpoint expanded and now I see the value in regular phones calls and visits. It may just be the self discovery age.

Yep. It’s his choice to give them money or not. But you are allowed to stand up for yourself if they disrespect you to your face

My man & I got together when his kid was about 6 m old I was always friendly with the boy never stepped in between the two of them &at 14 his son finally came & spent a couple weeks with us & 3 of his siblings … he came every summer after that on his own for a week or two 13 years later at the age of 27 his son was tragically killed in a car wreck so glad I allowed his dad & siblings the time they had we never know what is to come

Don’t try to discipline her or change her. Don’t try to be her friend. Don’t talk to her at all unless you have to. Concentrate on your little ones and let your husband handle anything and everything with both of the older kids. Will save you a lot of headaches with both them and your husband.

Honestly, his kids are grown and not financially your responsibility. If she asks for money give her ass a job application. She’s an adult and you should address her like one and tell her ass she can work for the money ie babysitting or get a job to pay for her trips. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your husband needs to work on his relationships. You can’t fix it for him.

If it’s the adult children choosing to not have a relationship with yall then don’t buy them anything :woman_shrugging: if they can’t put in any effort in seeing you guys then stop giving them money

Not sure what you are asking but, there is the option to mail a bd card to them with a bit of money. When there is disrespect confront it without debating it and walk away.

Ok those older kids are grown and need to pull those panties up and act like adults! Your not the cash cow!

She’s an adult . My bio dad and step mom have a 3 yr old girl ( he has a 13 ur old son from a diff ex) and live so far from me - And I might be busy but I jump when they ask me to FaceTime since they are 14 hours from me .The LEAST she could do is visit to get the money

Send her the money venmo or cash app or direct deposit. There are many emotions involved with this and there is no way possible they you and your husband to know them all. Don’t wait for them to call you, call them. I have step children, they were 4 and 6 when I met my husband and now they are 26 and 27. Show them love and support, but don’t go broke. We have a 7 and 5 yr old and we cannot help out the older kids all the time. help when you can when they need it.

You will always be the other woman,I am as well,leave it along let her dad handle this stay out of it don’t say a word,be nice your not there mother and never will be.

I would say this of my blood and bonus kids… they’re old enough to be working.

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Question? Has dad been there for them or was he absent? Did he disappear when he parted ways with their mother or when he started his “new” family? I don’t see anything above that mentions his involvement with them.

I would say if she’s always got money for fun things, she needs to learn proper budgeting and how to prioritize but he needs to be the one to deal with that. You are essentially a stranger and an easy target/scapegoat for any animosity. He clearly hasn’t taught her proper life skills and this has become all too common, with parents saying they don’t have time or there should be classes in school for this. If you guys can’t afford to be constantly bailing her out of her money woes, then you two need to discuss this and he needs to tell her. In the long run, it would have been better for her to not learn daddy is an ATM for the asking, but allowing him to send her money you don’t have will take away from the needs of the actual dependent kids you have at home and could cause trouble for you down the line, both financially and maritally. It’s time for her to stand on her own two feet

Sounds like she just wants hand outs and doesn’t want to earn her own way. Mail gifts but don’t give her anything else. Concentrate on your babies.

Of course you would treat the other two differently… They’re a toddler and baby… The other two are adults…?

Yes. If their dad doesnt care if they come to get the money,you shouldn’t either.

You need to respect that they obviously have a reason they don’t want a relationship with their father. He doesn’t have to give them money, that’s a choice between the two of you, but there is some reason they have chosen not to have a relationship and you may not have all the pieces.

Everyone needs a bit of help sometimes in their life.did you ever think she might be embarrassed to call for a bit of help.your kids! Are always your responsibility,

At that age, you aren’t raising her anymore. Let your husband deal, there’s obviously something else going on there he hasn’t let you in on.

The only times kids act like that is when parent was a lousy parent growing up. Let him give his kids the money. 2yrs right so you don’t know who he was before you

You should remember you are just a stem mom and he should remember his kids should come before you and if you have a nasty attitude toward them you should be walking

They are adults, money for spending they should be earning themselves. Money for books/school, or gas money for school is different. I would say it depends what they need the money for.

How old are you? It may be that they don’t think dad should be with someone so young if that’s the case. Also if you are somewhat close to their age they don’t like being referred to as a child in anyway.

Do what you think is the right thing Because you have to live with yourself

I think it’s funny that everyone is saying that she needs to mind her own business but in the same breath says she needs to treat them as her own. My own SD is 19, my husband made the decision that if she wanted money in the future, she needed to keep a decent relationship. He didn’t want to be just a bank account to her like her mother thinks of him. Only wanting money from someone is fucked up, children or not.

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If the ONLY time they contact you is for money I would not give them money. Relationships are a 2 way street and anyone not wanting anything to do with you but asks for money is just manipulating things for their own benefit (which is toxic).

I agree with you … your not an atm and requesting a come see us say hi for 5 min is not unreasonable

They’re too old to be asking for money. They need jobs.

Shes his daughter, not yours. Why do you feel it’s acceptable to force her to visit her father in order to get money he had promised her as a gift?

The fact that he has older kids and he hasn’t been a part of their lives, speaks volumes.

These kids don’t want a Dad they just want an ATM machine they shoots out money whenever they want it! Watched my husband’s kids treat him that way for years.

Sounds like this is the type of relationship HE built with them. Why punish the kids for that?

Maybe the 20 yr old daughter should get a job instead of asking for handouts

There grown they can work if they act like idiots let it go they will come around one day y’all stressing over something you can’t change period.Hurts like crazy for parents but we can’t go to the grave worrying about these kids disobeying and not wanting to visit us.

Some of this advice stinks. They are adults . If they don’t want to come and see their dad, then why should he send them money??

Mail it out. I would not demand they come visit. Clearly they aren’t interested:(

Just mail it. Send a check or transfer money into their accounts when you want to give them something