Why dont they gone him?
Why not send the money? No conditions
Well if she doesnāt want the money you can adopt me and I Glady take it and come for every Sunday dinner too
They are grownā¦2.5 years and he has a 20 year old?.. stay out of it. You have no idea whatās transpired over the years to make their relationship like that, could be more to it than just the passing of a sibling. Hes there with you, raise your kids and let him handle those grown kids of his. Too much history that you werenāt a part of to interject yourself or opinions. And youāre both withholding money or birthday gifts so they will come see you? Cut it out. How about yall mail them a gift and stop giving money.
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Some of yāall have jacked-up kids and it shows.
Donāt give her the money if she wonāt see you. My stepdadās 3 daughters never see him, yet they are always asking him for money, and it makes my mom mad. She doesnāt care that he gives them money, because when I needed money for rent or bills, they would send me more than I needed to make sure I was good. But these girls donāt ever see him or invite him to anything. One got married, had a whole wedding, and didnt even invite her father who has been there for her, but she asked him for money to help pay for the wedding. His other daughter had a birthday party for her son, once again he paid for it, but wasnāt invited. Other daughter had a graduation party, he gave her money, but he was not invited. Their excuse for not inviting him?? Because they forgot, but they sure didnt forget to ask for money. The one who got married is constantly asking for money so she can go on vacation. Sheāll ask him for almost $800 every 3 weeks. Its fine to help your kids, but its another to completely support them when they wont bother make a connection with you.
You can send a gift or go visit them for THEIR birthdays.
I would stress your concern with the adult children . That you guys do love them and would love to see them not only for the times they WANT something from you , but for a family night once a month or something like that . Does she not have a job ? She needs to realize you guys are raising two small ones who NEED things and canāt just give her 20 year old self money for the ā beach ā itās hard being in a step parent position but Iāve always thought stating my opinion was important so make sure you tell them your thoughts on this situation!
Just cash app it to her? Those are his kids. You sound selfish.
Gifts are not āconditionalā
Iām 31 my hubby is 45 and his sons are 17 & 30. They barely pay me any mind and at first it used to bother me but then I realized that they are not young and probably just creeped by the age difference. I donāt communicate with them besides hi and bye when I see them and their father actually has to remind them sometimes to say hi to meā:eyes: yes Iāll support them if they ever needed it but they literally treat me like Iām Casper so 
Theyāre relationship with their father is good so canāt really complain and as long as they donāt disrespect me, we are good!
This is something you have to stay out of. Their father has to deal with these issues. There are alot of factors in play here with the death of a sibling and divorce. Iām also sure that there is more because there always is. Let dad deal with all issues involving his children. Also remember a gift shouldnāt come with conditions if itās truly a gift.
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Thereās about 20 years of history there before you entered the picture. Even if your husband shares details of those relationships with you, itās most likely not the whole truth and definitely only his side of the story. If his 3 adult kids all feel the same way, Iād respect that and focus on my growing family before I forced them to come see their father and me, the new wife who, for all they know, wonāt be around forever. Itās not about you personally. Itās about their father and youāre an extension of him. Stay out of it and have your husband send them money. Itās the very least he can do.
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THEY ARE YOUNG ADULTSā¦ Not kids anymoreā¦ They are doing their own thing and figuring out life.
Good lord its just a little gift seriously not that big of a deal
If she wants it she will come and get it.
Allow them to feel, process and deal with things they see fit bc they arnt kids anymore.
Just love them, embrace them when they are around and allow them to deal with their dad HOWEVER they want
It has nothing to do with you
My husband and i have a blended family with older boys and few younger our 2 older ( mine is 22 ) and( his is 23) we see them when we can, allow them to live their own lives and just make sure we show love, support and compassion
Make sure they leave with a full belly and know we love them
They are living their own lives.
When they need us or help they call and thatās okā¦
We also have a 15 and 5 yr old at home
So similar situationā¦
Just allow them to be
Amd u worry about whats going on under ur roofā¦
Itās ok to tell her to come and get it, Iām barely older than my step kids but the ones that are in touch with my partner I get along with and there is one of his youngest kids thatās always after money but we never see her unless sheās here for an occasion (birthdays) but she has had the offer when weāre at her sisters that if she makes her way there she can join us for dinner and someone will drop her off home again but sheās never taken the offer so itās one of those things and due to that weāre less likely and willing to help her out as itās usually for stupid stuff that she could get if she didnāt buy crap.
First and foremost YOUR BABIES should be treated differently, they are BABIES! Those two are grown ass adults. 
if theyāre going to ask for something they should have the common courtesy to show up for a visit. They donāt need it too bad if theyāre not willing to show. But, there is another side to thisā¦what is the reason they donāt want anything to do with your husband? Can it be fixed?
Iām more interested to find out how soon after the death of the child & after the divorce did u enter the picture. U only met the son 1 time? Iām assuming that was at the wedding?
Iām in the exact same boat. Step kids are 21 and 19. Been with my husband for 6 years. He raised his children and all theyāve ever said is what a wonderful dad he was and is. Their mother was not involved with them from ages 3 and 5 until my husband and I got together. She then told them she was dying of cancerā¦turned out to be a lieā¦amd begged them to come back into her life. She started taking the oldest to the dr telling her to fake migrains so the mom could get pills. Introduced her to weed. Started her selling it. Got her taking and dealing pills. Allowed her (at age 16) to have a 23 year old boyfriend that could sleep over if she spent the night at her moms. The boy, the younger child, lived with us until age 17. He, too, caught on that there were no rules at momās and his girlfriend could spend the night, mom would lie for him, etc. Both of these kids were wonderful kids. Until they started spending time with their mother and older siblings, all of whom have been in and out of jail on drug charges. Yes, authorities were called, CPS, nothing was ever done. Once the boy turned 17, he would refuse to come home because he wanted to be where weed and sleepovers with the girlfriend were allowed. Became so defiant. The daughter let the 23 year old boyfriend drive the car her dad had bought her, despite being told repeatedly not to. He totaled it so she asked dad for a new one. He refused, and she had nothing to do with us for several years. Deleted every family member, up to an elderly aunt, from facebook. Heard from her a couple of times if she wanted money and thatās it. The worst of it was the fake sweetness when reaching out for money, then going back to not speaking to us once she got it. Ignored holiday invitations even. One Christmas, we basically pleaded with her to come for family Christmas, and told her we had some gifts for her. She asked well what are they? We didnāt tell her. She didnāt show again. 3 years later, newly 20, turned up at our new home wanting to move in. I have a daughter that my stepdaughter was once close to, but who she started being vile to when she didnāt get a new car. I mean vile and mean. My daughter had leukemia and was in ICU near death and her step sister laughed and told someone she didnāt care because thatās not her family. Hateful to her face, glare at her but refuse to speak, etc. When she asked to move in, she had already been caught stealing pain pills from her grandfather, clothes and pain pills (from oral surgery) from me when we werenāt home & she had stopped by to see her brother (would only come by if we were gone), caught on security camera smoking weed at our home when we were gone. She wanted to move in so she could quit working. 3 years after she cut off contact. Her dad told her he couldnāt allow her to move in at 20 after everything sheād done & having impressionable kids in the house (my daughter, his son). That we love her but the situation would be impossible. She cut all ties with him for this, told him she wonāt be at his funeral, heāll never know her children, etc. About 6 months later, the boy moved in with his girlfriend and stopped having anything to do with us. We hear from him a couple times a year asking for money but thatās it. My point is, sometimes kids do this for reasons that do not mean the parent was a bad parent. My step kids have nothing bad to say about their father to this day. The daughter even admitted once that her mom taught her to take whatever she can get from people amd look out only for herself. Their mother is a pathological liar. We live in a small town where sheās well known for it. Both of these children began lying horribly after spending time with her as teens. It blows my mind how thoroughly she was able to turn them from respectful, wonderful kids into thieves and liars. My stepson did not have to work when he got his pickup amd drivers license. We bought his gas, insurance, maintenance. He had 2 minor accidents in 5 months and out insurance went up almost $400 per month. Heād been told after the first accident that if if happened again, heād have to get a part time job to help. So, dad made him do so. 12 hours per week. Shortly after this, he got kicked out of football for cussing his coach out. It got back to us that he told a teacher his homework wasnāt getting done because he had to work 40 hours a week to help pay our bills since we bought a new house! And that he had to quit football to do so. Mind you,all he was paying was $150 a month of his insurance! Lies like this became more and more common. The disrespect became horrible. He had also become someone that had no use for his father except for money. Both kids say their father was a great dad. And he was. But they still treat him this way because of the horrible influence their mother was. I will say, we did everything for these kids financially. Their mother never paid child support or sent a dime or even a gift for them. We supported them, we paid for the extrasā¦ hair highlights, acrylic nails, sports, clothes, everything. But after my husband told his daughter to stop letting her boyfriend drive her car, and he was seen still doing so, he told her if something happens to that car, youāll be out of luck and carless. Still. When it happened (boyfriend was speeding one night joy riding) and she didnāt get a new car, she cut my husband out of her life.
Stay outta that situation
First of all those kids are grown and want nothing to do with their dad ? Heās no longer obligated to give them money because theyāre grown. If heās a good dad then someone has probably been talking shit about him to the older kids and thatās why they donāt want to see him either that they really just donāt give a f*ck about him. If they want his money they better learn to genuinely care.
Just go give it to her. Jesus. Life is too fucking short to be so petty. Should she come get it? Yes. Yes she should but she obviously isnāt so just go do it. There could be 100 reasons she wonāt come to you, who cares. Go give it to her. Itās a gift right? 
For one my own personal experience my dad never did shit for us and my older sister too passed at 17 he wouldnt even let me stay with him when my mother went through a bad patch of drinking and grieving which i guess wpulfnt of mattered since he is a drunk as well but you do t know what it was like he might of do e what my dad did play the victim and as far as her needi g to co e to you guys guess what may e you need to ask your husband if he was a good father did he make effort to see them was he their emotionally physically did he make their mother struggle? And again my own experience my dadās family has a thriving roofing business that means they are wealthy and they paid my dad under the table so when he went for child support he could lie and claim he had no job. That side of my family arent hurting for money and my dad has had 6 yes i said 6 DUIs and they paid for them attorney fees alcohol classes etc and they even gave him the house he wouldnāt let me live in with him while my mom worked 6 days a week on swing shifts in a coal mine just to survive they watched her struggle all 3 of us living in a small 2 bedroom apartment while my dad had a 4 bedroom house for him and whatever drunk buddy passed out there im am.ost 30 now he has n9 want to be in my or my childs life he expects us to go to him which is literally the bar. And he talks about me luke im the bad guy play I g victim that i never talk to him when he didnāt give a shit my guess is you have no idea what your talkingabout and need to butt out
I got married to my husband few years ago we start having problems at home and we stop sleeping in same bed, fighting about little things he always comes home late at night, drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side. i have never love any man in my life except him. he is the father of my child and i donāt want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today .few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid, being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken. I found out about Priest Marere how he restore back marriages and relationships I contacted him for help, he help me restore back my marriage and my marriage is doing great now. Iām over whelmed having my family back together again and our marriage is stronger & back on track again. All thanks to Priest Marere. Hereās his helpline contact: marerespells@gmail. Com and whats app number +2348109805184
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