I need advice on divorce. What types of things should I consider before filing? 51 year old female. Invested 34 years into this marriage. 2 teens. Im full time employed. I plan to seek child support. Nervous about being a single mom & sole provider. Do I seek spouse support? We built our lives together. Mobile home I’ll keep. He has a 401K. His health insurance pays for the kids. Do I ask to stay on his plan? We already have seperate bank accounts. Please provide advice.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Needing advice on divorce
You may be entitled to spousal support which would include insurance. Depending on your state of residence you may also be entitled to a portion of his 401k as well as exclusive possession of the marital home.
Definitely consult a lawyer. There are too many factors that go into this. A lawyer will
Be able to get a clear picture of your situation and make a good recommendation of what you can legally do.
That long together you’re actually entitled to spousal til you get married again, try for 50/50 versus child support if he’s a safe parent. I would seek your own insurance if possible. The 401k I’m not sure honestly.
The laws are so different state to state. Definitely consider your future. Look at socal security payments, career advancements, etc, etc. all things I did not do☹️
Idk why youd seek his 401k. Thats what he put in for working. Which isnt yours because you didnt work for that. But def talk to a lawyer
Always get spousal. You may not think you should, but you should.
hugs! I would talk to a lawyer some give free advice to help you with the next step. Just remember you can do it!!! Your strong & can do anything!!! It will all work out!!! Enjoy your life hope you find nothing but blessings & happiness enjoy the next chapter of life. Good luck
talk to your lawyer and LISTEN don’t go by what your friends and neighbor say but what he tells you.
Talk to a Lawyer and listen to what they have to say, not family, friends, neighbors.
I live in SA and things worked differently for me…
But a word of advice…try and discuss it as adults before involving costly lawyers etc…
I never did because I was so angry and hurt…that was 18 years ago after 20 years of marriage…
Lawyers and attorneys have a business to run and will encourage disharmony and discord…
If possible just come to an agreement , and then go to court…so wish my debacle happened now…
You have age and maturity on your side and that’s all I can say
Lawyer 100%. I’m very take what is mine he gets what is his so his 401k he worked for.
Consult a divorce lawyer!
Dam you just want anything else ohh hell you already got it sorry
Ask to spousal support but doesn’t mean you’ll get it
You can get spousal support because you were married over 25 year
What happened after 34 years of being married?
Some people are so greedy… Js
Should be consulting a lawyer
I would just take what is yours and let him take his stuff lace up your accounts and move on.
Depends a lot on the state, who makes the most money. Do you have a 401 k? Or other retirement plan, savings, car. Just remember that it’s pretty much 50-50 other than the kids including all real property including the trailer!
It’s crazy you think BC you "built your lives together’ that you’re entitled to so much… Maybe he should take the kids and go for all this from you? You know you’d think, since you’ve already stating your taken the home and he pays their medical, y’all could come up with a mutual agreement to where he could have them 50/50 and no child support, seeings he’d have them half the time, or if his job makes it to where he couldn’t, then come up with an agreement of an amount for him to help you with of the kids… but to expect the home, him to pay their medical, spousal support for you, and child support, and some of his 401k HE WORKED FOR. you sound greedy as hell, and like he spent a lot of years with a greedy woman. Smh. Think after all those years together y’all could come up with a plan together where you’re not taken everything and making him foot the bill for it all. Reflect darling.
Talk to a mediator if u can get along and figure it all out!
Spousal support and his 401k:joy:oooooook. Why does he need to help support you when no longer together? Especially if you are the one waiting the divorce!
Depending on your position, if you need to access assistance at some you’ll need to “prove” you “got everything (a court) sees you being entitled for”
It does not make you greedy to jump through the hoops that courts and assistance will have you jumping through
Talk to a lawyer and remember always ask for more than you really want so you can negotiate. Since you still have minor children child support is a must! Beyond that evaluate if your need or want for money is worth the cost to your kids. I walked away from both marriage with just child support. In my 2nd I was entitled to spousal support and half his retirement but I make my own money and have my own retirement so why did I want his? I also walked away from my half of a house that was left to him and I while we divorcing, yep a big amount of money, but my ex is lousy with money so I knew if I took my half and made him buy me out he would have to take out a mortgage on the house and then he would lose it so sorry wasn’t worth it to me. Money was and is not worth having my sons worry because their father lost his place to live yet AGAIN!
He didn’t prevent you from working, so I doubt you’ll get alimony or anything like that. I would do 50/50 custody of the teens, and you both provide things for your OWN homes and pay half for medical expenses or any expenses that arise. I was a single mom for years and scraped to get by, I didn’t get anything really. Now we both split everything and it works really well. Just remember, he has to make a living too. How would you feel if he was working and asked for you to pay spouse support? (I’m not trying to be negative or anything like that just wanting you to see from a different perspective) it’s very hard making it on your own after being married but you can do it. But don’t take away from him either.
Can you just come up with some kind of amicable agreement that is fair to you both? I will never understand why divorces feel like they are all about who can get the most. You spent more than half of your life with this man, he is the father of your children…wouldnt you still want him to be ok and not destroy his life by taking everything he has worked for? Why should he have to give up so much? This may be the unpopular opinion but the majority of the time it seems like the woman expects the man to give up everything in the divorce which is unfair. And the biggest thing to remember here is you have children together so they do not need to see their parents fighting over who gets what. Work it out in an amicable way where everyone is happy and work together to be the best parents for your children.
Think he will be needing the spousal support after you have took everything
Legally the courts will let you destroy that man’s life & take everything.
Morally you should ask for the basics. Child support, spilt custody & split assets.
You don’t get to ask to be in his insurance you want to divorce… So that includes separating your life from his including medical coverage.
No need to take everything that man has worked for as he shouldn’t do that to you, if you want to separate, divide it all & go about your new life VS taking everything & having it long & drawn out meanwhile possibly harming the relationship between children & dad & Al l the drama that goes with those choices
I’m not familiar with the process so I don’t have any advice. But the fact that there’s laughing reactions on this post is wild and honestly disgusting. Because what part of her questions was funny?? People are sad. But believe karma does not discriminate nor has an expiration date. So don’t be surprised when she do her thing and spin the block on you. Make sure you laugh then too!
I thought spousal support was if you didn’t work and had been dependent on him but if your full time employed can you get it? Also the kids can stay on his insurance until age 26 but a lot of insurance companies will not let another adult be on the policy if they are not married. I think it depends on the company. I couldn’t be on my bf’s or him on mine.
I personally would ask for spousal support and for the insurance for the kids. If he is giving you the house sounds like he is being fair.
When you have spent such a long period of time together then you can spend the rest too
Depends was someone at fault,or was this a mutual thing? If he was at fault,judge may be more likely to give you more. I don’t think you can get his insurance.Get a lawyer . Good luck.
Child support for 2 teens how’s that gonna work?
Talk to a lawyer. 50/50 split and equal shares for support of the kids. If you can stay on his health plan being divorced then do it, if not you’ll have to get your own. Spousal support should also be considered even if it’s just a small amount, in case of illness, but he can also request that, if your employed.
Child support, that’s it. You are not entitled to HIS money.
I think as long as there is no abuse involved, everything should be split 50/50. All 401ks, savings, cars, home value, everything split down the middle. 50/50 child custody, and no child support. You each provide for the kids when they are at your homes. Split child medical, extracurricular activities, school fees 50/50. One person shouldn’t get mostly everything and screw the other person over.
Depends on what state you reside.
You get child support and spouse support of half duration of marriage. You can get half of his 401K too. That’s how it was for me but I didn’t touch his money.
It all depends where you live. Like here in the state of Nevada it is 50/50 from the date of marriage until divorce, meaning anything invested into 401k, home purchase, ect are all divided in half. Seek counsel for the divorce that is my honest opinion…
You work full time and expect the house, CS, AND SS?!? You’re cracked.
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16980 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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34 years. Teens. Lawyer now. Alimony. Support. Health insurance. Split assets. Do you live in a community property state? Cus that will matter, too.
I’m so sorry…
It really depends on your situation. I would talk to a lawyer. 34 years is a long time and in those years was he the primary supporter and your income used as extra? Did you invest in a 401k or was it just him? Did you spend the younger years home with the kids while he worked? There is just way too much to dissect here and honestly your best bet is to get an attorney.
You are working full time why would you need spouse support ,yes get child support ,have listed that if the child is a full time college student than he pays for half of the college cost and you pay other half .he keeps them in his health insurance you get your own
Also question his ss.when your of age.
Get a lawyer. Half the stuff get divide that u guys have accumulated doing marriage. Then the courts has u and him both fill out a finance paper depends on wht each makes or has. Who has the children get child support. And who has the children. If it’s half maybe no child support. Just remember. U guys join as one when u split its half . Before splitting think if it’s fixable. Good luck
My god. Do 50/50 and get no child support. You don’t need his money. Let him keep his money. Don’t be that person. Just don’t
Nah just walk away. He owes you nothing. Spousal support is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.
You can either decide everything together and come up with a plan you both agree on, then file. Or you can file and let the courts decide who gets what if you can’t agree. You work so spousal support shouldn’t be an issue, child support (depending on the state) goes by both your incomes and percentage of time they’re with each of you and os calculated from that of decided by the court, or you can come up with an amount an agree to it in your paperwork to file. If he os agreeing to divorce, the easiest way to go is to sit down and work out all of the financials, kids, etc and come to an agreement before court is involved. It will make it a lot quicker, less contentious and less expensive.
Get a GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER…worth it to get the right information for yourself & children.
Spouse support for what? And how about y’all just have the kids 50/50 each and no child support? He has them on insurance. He would still take care of them also so you won’t be “sole provider” for the kids. Sounds like y’all just need to move on from each other. Don’t make it harder than it has to be. You move on, he moved on. You have a job and have been working so you don’t need his support, you already have separate bank accounts anyway. Take care of the kids equally. They are already teens so no need for extra drama with this. Especially when you’re getting the house.
Get a lawyer!! The laws are different in each state. Also, since you have teens, have it put in the final divorce/child custody agreement EXACTLY HOW COLLEGE IS PAID FOR! I cannot stress this enough! Due to the wording in a friend’s divorce, she got child support until a specific age, but he wasn’t required to help fund college.
In some states, any marriage that lasted over 10 years, you are entitled to alimony for the rest of your life.
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16985 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Info Here >>> https://CashProWork59.surge.sh/
Get everything you can them years was a investment and your kids deserve a stable and peaceful spouse support get it all yea you need his money don’t listen to anyone you know your needs from your wants I hope everything turn out for the better for you
Nah, move on. File. 50/50. No support. Figure out who keeps house, or sell and split profit
I would say it depends on the reason for the divorce.
If you’ve just grown apart, then keep it civil. If there was abuse/infidelity, that’s a different story.
How old are your teens? Are they young teens or adult teens? If adult teens, you won’t get child support. If young teens, how will custody be handled? Will you split custody? If so, no need for child support. You support the children with you, he supports them when with him. If you’re the primary, and he will do visitation, then you file for child support.
If he didn’t abuse or cheat on you and you’re financially independent, there is no need for alimony. If he was abusive or cheating, then file for alimony.
If possible, try to be civil with marital property. You keep your car, he keeps his car. If you have the kids, you keep the house. If he gets the kids, he keeps the house.
You already have your own bank accounts.
If you’re full-time employeed, you should have your own 401K, leave his alone.
Keep the kids on his insurance, you get your own.
Again, there are a million factors to take into consideration.
Depends. Do you make more than him? Do you plan to keep custody of the kids? If he plans to keep them on his insurance, it’ll lower the child support you receive. They will have you split mostly everything 50/50, including the kids unless you have a good reason why you can’t or yall agree to something else. Your beat bet is to talk to an attorney.
When it comes to divorce, I’m conflicted on taking part if the other spouse’s 401k. Everything also depends on the State you live in. WA is a no fault state so usually everything is split 50/50.
I do know once you are divorced you can no longer be on his health insurance. You can ask that he pay for your medical coverage after the divorce, it’s not likely the judge will rule in favor of that. You are entitled to half his retirement and social security when you are of age. I would only ask for alimony if he was the sole provider and you helped build his career.
Yes support for the kids get alimony look into this I could of still kept getting child support after 18 still in high school until college is finished.
Don’t get married. It’s that simple .
Ask for both. No guarantees. It’s a lot of lifetime to invest for this length of time
Get a family lawyer and ask them those questions they will be the best to advise you. Don’t try to do the legal stuff by yourself. And trust me… you got this
Wow some of y’all…smh. I invested 27yrs, stayed home with our kids only one is still a minor. Bet your butt I’m getting child support and alimony!! Get everything you deserve honey!! I’m my case he decided he needed to step outside the marriage and cheat so he made his bed and he can lay in it!! Mine doesn’t have nothing to do with any of our children and grandchildren. Barely has anything to do with the 16yr old so you bet he’s going to pay!! That’s the very least he can do for turning all our lives upside down!! Bitter…NOPE!! Pissed… you bet!!
Child support, sure. As long as it goes to providing for the kids and not your personal use. As for support for you specifically, I do not agree with that. Everyone has their own opinion there and I am fully aware some would disagree with me. But he worked for that money. It should be his. It sounds like you already had a job anyway since you said you work you’re a full time employee. So as long as there is help with the kids then you should both be in the same boat. Given he might make more, but if able to you can look for a better paying job. It doesn’t mean it would happen, but it doesn’t hurt to look.
you wont be able to stay on his plan after the divorce if final. Child support to 18. He will need to give you 1/2 of his 401K. The house, if in both of your names will have to be bought out by the other spouse. IF money is still owed on it - then one can take over the payments. Doubt if you can get support if you work, unless he make a whole lot more.
Following- In the process of a divorce
Talk to an attorney.
Your attorney will explain all of this to you.
Child support is for absent parents not failed relationships.
You want sole custody of the kids with him getting liberal visitation, you want to keep the residence, and you want spousal support to equalize your income and 50% of the 401k so you can roll it into your own 401k. (you are entitled to it) Basically you want leave this marriage with equal everything. As for the health insurance let that go. If there are any insurance policies that can be liquidated you want half of the liquidation as well, so you can purchase your own policy(s). Moving forward think 2x before marrying again. When you become retirement age, if you are not married you can collect his retirement as well as your retirement from SSI. If he is older than you when he becomes of retirement age you can collect his early then add yours when you become of retirement age. If he passes away you can collect his benefits upon his passing for you and your minor children
Honestly most of the answers are state specific and there isn’t enough info to give a good opinion. Like did you stay home during the marriage? If so, in California, there would be a high likelihood of spousal support. Are your incomes vastly different? Like he make 150k and you make 25? You really need to talk to a divorce attorney
Talk to a lawyer to get the best advice for you
Yes go for what you can unless you can provide by yourself with out alimony. You can go for child support I would and hopefully he pays it. Make him keep insurance on the kids. Not sure if u can make him keep u on it. Get a lawyer .
Maybe call a lawyer…
An attorney is really the best person to advise you, since laws differ so much by state. The initial consultation is usually free.
Be sure to consider your retirement. He has a 401k; do you have anything besides Social Security? Do you know how much that will be? Your income plus child support needs to cover your monthly expenses, your kids’ monthly expenses, and retirement savings. Please remember to factor in retirement savings.
You are 100% entitled to 1/2 the 401k … don’t leave without it…
You get child support. You don’t get spousal support you go to work. No need to be home for the kids. Over 10 years is considered long-term marriage and you do have the right to 50% of his 401(k) if you don’t have any. If you both have 401(k) whoever has more the other spouse has a right to 50% of the difference.
Alamony, 1/2 of 401K, 1/2 of retirement, staying in home until teens are out of college, 1/2 mutual funds, savings, stocks, divison of vehicles, him keeping kids on health/ dental insurance until age 26, you claiming teens on tax returns.
I’m confused. You said you have a full time job? Why do you not have your own 401k? Child support yes. But taking his money when you have your own is rediculous! Your already going to be getting the house and the kids. He’s literally gotta move and get his own place plus lose time with his kids. It’s sad and stupid to try and take his money. Idk what your state does but mine only does alimony if he was the sole provider. You even thinking of making him pay alimony, child support, and getting half of his 401k is not fair. I hate how every woman just wants to take and take from a man. Child support is one thing. Asking him for extra support for sports etc yea. But taking his other money just you want it? Rediculous
Most of these answers are irrelevant. We don’t know enough about your specific situation or the laws in your specific state to give you any advice. Most lawyers will give you a free consultation before requiring a retainer, so do that with several. Also look into court mediation services. I’m a court appointed mediator, and in our state mediation is a free service to help people to avoid going to court. Many times custody, child support, and alimony can be worked through and agreed upon through mediation. Good luck!
You are entitled to half of the 401k
Find a good attorney & get the proper information from them!
Went through this with my mil 18 years ago they were married 34 years raised 2 kids and he was a raging alcoholic for the first 15 years of their marriage and he got sober and years later he went to work one day cleaned out the joint account and called his grown daughter and told her to tell her mom he wanted a divorce he tried to get out without giving her nothing sorry not happening on my watch we hired an attorney and her attorney asked for half his 401 k and half his retirement from another company he had worked years for prior to switching he also had to pay her spousal maintenance for 5 years or until she remarried she kept the boat all the household furnishings and he had to pay off any and all debt accrued in their marriage the past 5 years and she worked as the school cafeteria supervisor but honestly it was out of know where he had never expressed anything to her about how he was feeling he never said a word just got up and bailed come to find out he met a lady at a support group he was helping at and started an affair for a year prior to his actions of just leaving like a coward so the way he did her I made sure we got a shark lawyer in town and we did it caused her a mental breakdown she was devastated and I to this day have zero respect for my father in law as it also damg3d his relationship with his son that was already rocky due to the alcoholism and my husband then turning to it as a way to self medicate his anxiety wich he got from his father’s abuse my husband and I and our kids see him once a year and that’s enough for us he couldn’t believe what the judge had to tell him so yes you are entitled to half his 401k half his retirement and spousal support will depend on a couple factors like was this decided by one side or both my mil got right at 150 thousand from 401k and when he retired a few years ago she got a cash payout of 50 thousand from that retirement plan she got all 4 burial plots as well they didn’t own any property as far as a home but I would definitely talk to an attorney they can tell you what your entitled to I don’t believe every marriage should end like this I believe if it’s a agreed upon thing than I would try to sit down and work out a fair agreement but remember you spent 3r years with this man
Talk to a lawyer… but don’t get bitter and try and take everything he has, the kids are teenagers and will see that…
I would talk to your attorney. I would go for 1/2 of everything I would go for your home custody for your children with visitation rights. I’m sure your attorney will answer. I think you can even get part of his retirement when he retires providing your not remarried
Each state is different in regards to divorces. Contact your local Legal Aid office for advice or locate a lawyer who gives free 1 hour consultations. You do not need to retain a lawyer after a consultation, unless you want to
All his benefits will go to your children no matter if he has more. He has to pay support until the children finish college or age 22. They must stay on his insurance as well. Not sure if you can stay if divorced. You will automatically draw from his benefits bc you were married more than 10 yrs. Plus you need a lawyer.
You may be ent8tled to a portion of his retirement fund and 401k.
speak to a lawyer. Will say even if you get divorce, & he dies before you, & he did make more money than you, you can go after is SS benefits
I say If you work full time why go after his money
Anything you want ask for it or rather need. It’s hard out in this world now adays. The law will help you🙏
Just get a lawyer. Divide the assets up 50/50. Having a divorce lawyer to ensure things are done fair. As far as insurance goes, most likely you and him will have to have coverage for them and you will not stay on his insurance plan, you will have to get your own.
Instead of alimony, I got all of the monetary assets. I also got child support. You need a lawyer AND a financial advisor
You can stay on his health insurance under COBRA but it’s for a limited time and very expensive! Seek a good divorce attorney FIRST before you make this decision. Child / spousal support is determined by your incomes etc
. Also , please seek martial counseling before you uproot your family . The grass is not always greener on the other side .