I would love to get some advice about my mother-in-law. A little something to keep in mind, she lost her 30-year-old son- my husband’s brother, to suicide seven years ago. She and I haven’t had a great relationship, I am very independent, and as soon as her son and I got married, I felt like she wanted me as her daughter to do things with. We did a few things, but we just are totally different people; it was always awkward. I always feel like she resents me for this. We continued to have weekly dinners, the 3 of us until I was eight months or so pregnant. As soon as I had the baby, she constantly was asking when she can keep him at her house, which made me feel uncomfortable. I had nightmares of her stealing him. First-time mom here. I eventually returned back to work, and she watches him at her house two times a week. Fast forward to now, a year later, she keeps asking when he can stay the night at her house, He’s only a year old, and my husband and I both do not feel comfortable yet, but she keeps pushing. When she watches him during the week, and I try to ask questions about how their day went and how he ate, she has responded, “I 'll let you know if he doesn’t eat well” or “I’ll let you know if theirs a problem”. There’s a big communication gap between us and definitely thinks that’s why I’m so uncomfortable letting him stay with her, she doesn’t tell me ANYTHING. My friends suggest she thinks to be “his mother” while in her care. She constantly says how he looks like her son and is always giving us his old clothes or baby blankets instead of my husband’s. I hope I do not sound rude because I genuinely care for my husband’s brother, I just would like unbiased advice on how to go about dealing with this situation and not make it worse with her.
Find a new baby sitter. Problem solved.
I think you’re over thinking the situation to be honest. I think most grandparents are like that. Tell her you’d feel more comfortable if she told you more about their day. I agree 1 is too young for a sleep over but it doesn’t sound like her intentions are Ill mannered
ALL of you need to sit down and set down some “rules” and expectations.
Sounds like a you problem, I don’t see a problem with your MIL.
She is probably just lonely and wants someone to value her opinions.
I’d sit her down and explain your concerns and try to come to a compromise with her. Maybe even ha e your husband talk with her about how neither one of the childs parents are okay with sleep overs yet
Have you told her that you want her to communicate better? I cant imagine losing a son like that. And if I was doing something to alienate my only family left I’d want to know.
Honestly doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong
I think she has some issues from her sons death that are not resolved. I would probably be a little uneasy as well. She’s looking for a void somewhere. First it was you and now she loves she has a grandson that fills the void of her son who has passed. Maybe have your husband take to her about seeing someone. If you’re not comfortable maybe do daycare for a while, just say he needs social interaction.
I see no issue, my MIL also lost her son 6years ago at 20. I would love for her to give my child his clothes/blanket. The women just sounds lonely and enjoys having your son around, it seems to make her happy again.
I think grandma’s naturally feel like their experience and motherhood is being threatened. First off, in most cultures grandmas are second mothers… She sounds like she wants to be your baby’s grandma and love your baby. Let her be a grandma.
Stop letting him go over there, itll solve the whole issue, and if she ask why hes not coming over there be honest and just tell her. You can do whatever you want hes your baby not hers
She doesn’t sound like she’s a psycho at all it feels like she has suffered a lot of loss and never will have grandbabies from her other son so I feel like she has bonded with this baby very strongly and having a baby overnight feels wonderful it makes you feel you needed and loved. maybe if you’re uncomfortable with him sleeping over maybe you and her can plan an overnight just you her and the baby so she can kind of have that one on one time with you…rent a movie from Netflix and watch it with you, her and the baby and have like a girl’s night and sleep over with the baby… See how she handles it. and while you guys have the girls night, you are there with your son AND also you can bring up any concerns about when she watches him and how you would like a little more details when she updates you. you are very lucky to have a grandparent who wants to be involved 
Did I read this right?
You’re upset that your son’s grandma loves him?
Maybe try talking to her about better communication when it comes to your son and maybe you and your husband stay the night with her every once in awhile with the baby maybe y’all can compromise but definitely tell her how you feel about the situation
I think you’re totally over thinking it she is probably just being nice by saying she will let you know if theirs any problems in other words do not worry. Every grandparent likes to have their grandchildren over for a sleep over xx
it’s her grandson… she should love him that much … and nephews can look like their uncles so maybe your kid does look like him 
… just ask her to communicate better be like I want to know what he’s eating here we need ideas for home!
I wish I had a fountain of wisdom to draw from. That’s a tough situation. Perhaps telling her that if she is more willing to tell you ALL about his day you MIGHT start thinking about it. You are in no way out of line in how you are feeling. That’s got to be so hard.
Sounds like a wonderful grandmother to me, that loves that baby, and is bonded to him. I think a lot of mothers would love to have a mother n law like that. I would try not to over think it.
I would talk to her like she is my mom and let her know I do not want to hurt your feelings in anyway, tell her how you feel, ask her the exact questions you want a answer to, tell her why you feel the way you do a gentle and polite as possible, I am a first time mom, I understand how you feel, no one is keeping my child over night unless it’s an emergency.
Have you thought about making some sort of a daily “care sheet” for her to fill out. Maybe it can just have little boxes for her to check for things like: Ate a good lunch, went poop, slept ___ mins/hours…, and so on? Then, gently explain to her that you’re so gracious that she’s willing to take such good care of your little one, but that it makes it hard for you to be sure that you’re doing your best if you don’t know what’s happening throughout the day. Explain to her that it’s important for you to know if he hasn’t napped, or if he isn’t pooping normally. Try to explain to her that as a first time mom that you are trying your hardest to be the best momma that you can, and that you would like her help in doing that. Maybe she will appreciate feeling like you “need” her, even if that’s not exactly the case. I think that it’s important to remember that she loves your little guy just as much as you do, and that she (hopefully) would never have bad intentions when it comes to caring for him. Some people are just difficult to connect with and/or understand. I don’t think that it’s wrong of you to not want him to stay the night. My son is 18 months old, and just stayed the night away from me for the first time last week. My 5 year old daughter didn’t sleep away from my until she was nearly 3 years old! You have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby, but just keep in mind the place that your mother in-law might be coming from. Also, don’t hesitate to ask your husband to be supportive of your feelings and opinions by talking to his mother about these issues! It isn’t wrong of you to expect him to handle the instances of uncomfortable communication between his family and his wife! I hope all goes well for you!
Personally I’ve already let my mom keep my son not only one but two nights straight. And he just turned 22 weeks old. My momma was a great momma and she went above and beyond for us. The difference there is we video chatted at least 3 times a day, I got detailed messages and “check ins” every 3-4 hours along with pictures and videos. Not because I didn’t trust my mom but bc it helped keep my anxiety down. Him and my mom are the best of friends and even just video chatting her his face lights up and he gets excited. It’s all about bonds, trust, replies, and how YOU feel.
It would piss me off if someone refused to tell me how my child did with them. The projection is weird but you need your husband to talk to her
If I had a mother in law and she wanted to keep my child. Definitely. I would love nights where I can sleep in or have date night with the hubby. I say give her a chance. My children’s sperm donors is evil as evil gets and his father is a hoarder and is a completely spiteful and evil person too. And his mother died. And What I’d give to have a normal mother in law. And my mother and step mother died and my family was what I’d say normal.
I wish my MIL cared this much for my daughter (her granddaughter)
My parents didn’t keep my son til he was 17 months old. And my in- laws not til he was 2. He’s your kid, your rules. She should be able to communicate what he does, eats during the day… A day care would to. You could explain that to her. To know his routine is continued. If anything for your sanity. you’re not wrong momma, a mom’s intuition is always right. I’m sure she loves your kid, but that’s just it, it’s your kid.
My oldest son looked exactly like my dipshit of a brother as a baby and more as a toddler🤷🏻♀️ I don’t see anything wrong with her. No news is good news. If you want specific details ask for specific details. If she’s snarky then there would be an issue. I wouldn’t allow over nights either. That’s a young age and if you aren’t comfortable with it then that’s that. In the end YOU are his mother, not her. Babies are ALOT of work on grandparents over night. Especially at his age.
Grandma here. It comes from a place of love. She wont steal your baby. That’s his grandmother. I loved being with my grandmother. It’s time away for you and good for him. It doesnt have to be all the time. She just wants to hang out with him. They need to bond as well. Grandmothers are happy places for kids. Dont be so hard on her.
Yea, you’re overthinking this. . She wanted a relationship with you, and you made it awkward… she wants a relationship with her grandchild … she really does sound like a great mil and grandmother … maybe try to talk to her (nicely) and get a foundation going between the both of you.
Just tell her y’all do not want him spending the night away from you yet. If she doesn’t like it then oh well.
And we all do things different when it’s our moms because we grew up with them
I would carefully explain to her or have your husband explain to her that if she cannot give you details and info about your son while she is watching him that she will no longer have that privilege. I would also tell her that if she continues to push the issue of him staying overnight or longer that it will never happen. Let her know that you are not ready for that and YOU will let HER known when you are.
Aww this makes me want to cry she lost her son and she misses him. I think it’s good she cares for your son. My oldest son was the only grandbaby for a long time and he would spend the night with grandparents as a toddler though, tell her you’re not comfortable yet? I think because you’re a first time mom you want to know everything so just let her know this. She probably doesn’t see it as a big deal. It sounds like she loves kids and likes taking care of them, that’s not a bad thing at all. Appreciate it.
I agree with mostly everything else said here but also want to add, if she doesn’t give her sons stuff to her grandson, who else would she give it to? I think its sweet that’s shes passing it down and keeping it in the family.
Let her love. She sounds like shes trying to be as involved as possible which is an amazing and beautiful thing.
Omg I would love to have a mother in law to be this involved! I think you are totally over reacting she loves her grandson! Maybe he gives her the love she I missing from her passed away son
Please, let her know you want to know. If she responds with door closers, you respond with door openers. Let her pass some items of her deceased son to yours. She can’t pass them onto her deceased sons children.
As far as sleep overs, be honest, let her know you think he is too young.
Pretty soon he will be in school & will not see his grandma so much. Those will be special times for sleep overs.
In your story, I do not hear any thing that makes me believe she thinks she is the mom if your son. Please don’t let your friends opinion fill you with worry.
why would she not be allowed to keep her grandson overnight you sound way over protective you should be happy she wants to keep her grandson
You have the right to do whatever you want it’s your baby and your rules, but I always try to put my self in my MIL shoes. Imagine how much love your going to feel when YOUR son has a his own baby. With the love I have for my son I can only imagine how much love I will have for his child one day! I wouldn’t be super concerned with her wanting to spend time with him and asking to spend the night. In regards to him making references to your husbands brother, it may seem odd but people cope with grief in different ways. I know I would not want to give up anything of my sons if he had passed. Just look at it as she is just trying to do a kind gesture. She may not realize that it may be perceived as odd!
Find someone else to babysit if she refuses to tell you. If she continues deny her rights of seeing him unless you r there or just stop going to dinners
Geez, I wish a had a grandparent in my child’s life that wanted to be involved.
I feel bad for your MIL. Let her enjoy her grandson. Humor her and accept the clothes and blankets, put them in a box and save them. Invite her out shopping for new clothes and blankets for the baby. Have compassion
Coming from someone who doesn’t have much family to watch our kids, she sounds like a blessing. The fact that you have a family member to watch your son and you dont have to pay for childcare is awesome. Also, an overnight alone may be nice for you and your husband too. Having a baby the first year is hard. The fact she is offering to watch him overnight is so nice. Just my perspective. Think how you would feel if you lost her - would you have regrets?
Idk I think you should be grateful you have someone that wants to be with your child. That bond between a grandparent and grandchild is beautiful. Maybe your son is filling in the void of her broken heart and you’re just over thinking it. Sure she should let you know what’s going on, but if there is really nothing wrong let her enjoy that time with him before she is to old to enjoy that and where you’ll have to actually find a baby sitter and pay for them. As for her saying he looks like her well maybe he does considering it’s his grandparent. Cut this woman some slack she is reaching out to you maybe she doesn’t want to be alone. You sound a bit selfish if you’re just seeing this as her wanting to take ur child from you. Imagine if you lost your son I bet you would want to fill that void as well. There is nothing that hurts a mother more than having to bury her child before her. And if your son loves being with her let him spend the night I bet it would make her so happy. Stop thinking of the worst!
She sounds like an awesome MIL! And if you are wanting more information from her , explain why you need to know more details . Remind her you are a first time mommy and these details mean a lot to you . Remember , communication is the name of the game ! Be thankful for what you have ! I had one amazing MIL and the second one was a nightmare!
So Gramma and nanny here. I think you have unresolved trust issues. So this MIL is convenient enough to watch your child 2 days a week so you don’t have to pay for daycare and you don’t trust her to keep him overnight? But all day is ok? That logic makes no sense. She reached out to you to make a closer relationship and you made it awkward. Have you zero compassion for her loss? Or zero respect for all HER efforts to make a closer relationship with you? You have a blessing and a gift and you are the only one making it difficult. She could despise you and insist that only her son bring her grandchild over. Or just refuse to watch your child at all… the only person showing projections is you dear. My DIL let me keep my granddaughter over night when she was 3 months old.
So if you don’t trust her to keep your child overnight stop allowing her to be your free daycare.
I actually feel sorry for the MIL. Most times on here you hear how awful and hateful MILs are. This woman thought of you as a DAUGHTER and wanted to do mother and daughter things with you. Things are probably awkward because it sounds like Mrs. Independent doesn’t want to be bothered with her MIL. Fast forward to your son. Sounds like he’s her first and only grandchild so yes she’s going overboard. Like most first time grandmas. It’s probably worse because she’s still HURTING from the suicide of her son. It’s one thing to lose a child to illness or an accident but for suicide is worse. The people left behind sometimes blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs. You have a son, try putting yourself in her shoes. This woman is going through something that no parent deserves. Tell your husband how you feel and have him to talk to her. Maybe there’s a hospital she can volunteer at. Some hospitals need volunteers to hold drug addicted babies. Maybe that will help her a little so she won’t overwhelm you by showering YOUR baby with ALL of her love. 
Maybe your second child will get your husbands hand me downs. Let grandma be grandma 
I know it’s hard but i have been letting my 3 year old sleep over at grandma’s 1-2 nights a week for over 2 years. He loves them and they love him very much. It’s a nice little break to get things done.
This post gave me the creeps…which means BE CAREFUL…SHES UNHINGED. not to blow my own trumpet…but im rarely wrong about this stuff…ESPECIALLY when the hairs stand up xxx find a day care or a sitter who isnt living in the past…this woman needs help perhaps get her some but dont leave your kid there…i dont feel good about this AT ALL
Man, i friggin WISH someone would watch my kids overnight 
dang. But for real, she is filling a gap in her life, she has love to give and probably not lots of people to give it to. I legit dont know anybody that thinks their MIL is absolutely wonderful, but give her the benefit of the doubt. Let her keep him overnight as a secret trial run and go out on a date night with your partner and then go pick him up super early in the morning if you wish and you will most likely see that everything was just fine. It’s tough to let go as a first time mama, I understand that, but wait til your kid is 4 and no one will babysit at all ever 
that’s the real bummer!
I wish my mum gave a shit i really do but she doesnt so yes your lucky…but no your actually not. If u dont feel right…its because its not ok? So fuck the haters do what eases YOUR HEART…you have to think of yourself also
Let her be a grandma. We all deserves breaks my kids grandma doesn’t even ask for them. You should be grateful she wants a relationship with you most MIL wouldn’t even bother to care. Share the baby grandmothers are here only for a period of time.
You are in a difficult position she should communicate on your child’s daily moods, activities, what he ate and how well he ate these are important things in raising a healthy child. Good luck.
I’ve lost a son. And to be very honest she may think that way. Not that I am but I would want someone to be straight up honest with me. Her feelings may get hurt but you also dont want her to go overboard with thinking that your son is her son. “A replacement”
I wouldn’t let him spend the night, until you feel comforable…
Having a strong relationship with grandma is one of these best things you can do for your child. The bond between grandmas and grandkids is unmatched, and a truly beautiful thing. She sounds like the kind of doting, loving grandma that would fill his childhood full of wonderful memories and love.
And I doubt shes got a sinister motive behind saying baby looks like uncle. You now have a child, so maybe you can empathize that losing your child has to be the absolute worst thing a parent can go through. Stop trying to make her into a bad guy and try to be a better person to her.
I watched my baby grandkids all the time after i retired, my kids now want me to watch them when they want to see movie or have daynight, i dont bug thrm just when they need help…
Just let her love that baby, let him stay there… I think you have less to be concerned about than the average family because of her loss, you know she’s going to guard that little boy with her life… she doesn’t think she’s his mum, get that out of your head… she just wants to pour all that love she has into her grand baby… and a little tip… as a granny myself, we will let you know if we have any issues with our grandchildren. Don’t worry about all the nitty gritty things. She raised your husband ok right? She’s got experience with babies so don’t stress! 
Be nice ! Try harder ! She lost her son and just wants to love her family .
A lot of posts about let her be a grandma. First off, family or friends watching your child. Should always tell you how the day was, eating napping etc. No need for secrets. Its your child. I’m not saying shes a bad person but she needs to respect boundaries.
Sounds like a grandma to me 🤷 if you are not comfortable then say so. But just a question, can you imagine yourself in her shoes in the years to come? What kind of grandma will you be? I know I’ll be the type of grandma asking when I can have the baby and be excited and look forward to it 
You’re making something of nothing. Just be grateful for a loving grandmother for your child, who’s involved and such.
You and/or your friends are watching to much ID documentaries lol.
She gets a lot of good, quality alone time with him during the day twice a week.
If you are uncomfortable with him spending the night, he doesn’t need to right now. The time will come.
My in laws are always in my 17 month old’s face talking about they love him and yada yada. They don’t though. They have said nasty things about HIM “he was a bad decision” among a few other things I’ve wanted to beat their heads in over. I have a clear line. They live with us. We don’t leave him alone with them. He’s not allowed near them without one of us in the same room to make sure he’s okay. They do the dumbest shit. To say the least, they’re terrible- all goody two shoes in your face but as soon as you turn around, they stab you in the back. Plus my FIL is an alcoholic and my MIL is just as bad, that’s one of the many reasons we dont allow certain things. They’ll ask if I’ll leave him with them to run a mile to the store and I say “no he’s going with me”. They’re always overstepping about things they have no business even being a part of. We are getting another place by the end of the year and we have decided that they will never see him again. It’s a bunch of shit- we could be a sit com.
Let me start saying I am Grandma! I love all of my Grand children with all of my heart and sole! I would never let any harm, psychologically or physically! I know that some people are batshit crazy! But I don’t get that you think that of her. I do communicate with my children and in laws about how they want their children raised. I will either support what they want within limits, if I think it is off the chart crazy I will not condone it or do it and avoid it all cost. I hope you are secure enough in you Motherhood that you are not afraid that your child will love someone more than do you. You are his mother and no one can take your place. Be comfortable with that because believe me your child is only better off being with as many people that love him as you can. It is just a bigger safety net. Let Grandma be a Grandma and love her for it!
Trust her, she raised your husband whom you choose to be a partner, don’t take into her the suicide action there could have been something behind that has nothing to do with her. As for me, it’s ok to just let me know if there is something I should know, give it a shot…she wished to have a daughter in you …
Just go with the flow
But I say no to sleep overs y does she want sleep overs if she baby sets him a few times a week
I think she is still grieving as would be understandable and your baby is a blessing for her as well as you, its a good thing she loves him soooo much! Maybe just explain to her that your just not ready to have him away from you just yet and when you are she will be the first person he will spend the night with, as for her saying she will let you know if he doesnt eat ect she is probably just trying to let you know that you don’t need to worry she will let you know if his not himself or his habbits change she is probably just trying to give you piece of mind
We did not let my daughter sleep over the first 5 or 6years
Just keep saying no
I just lost my only son last Sunday, he is 25. I can see why she is wanting to have her grandson with her. I would definitely recommend sitting her down and having a frank discussion about how this makes you feel. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby. You are very lucky hold on to him.
My mom was like this with my oldest. I think he filled a void because she had all girls, plus I was a super young mom. Just let her love that baby. If it’s your first, your going to worry constantly, she’s had years of experience and she may think she’s easing your mind by telling you she’ll let you know if there’s a problem. You have to be upfront about your needs but also understanding of where she’s coming from. I hope y’all find some middle ground, a baby will never have too many people loving them too much 
I feel like you are making a bigger deal out of this then it needs to be. It sounds like she just cares for you and her grandchild. Now of course if you are not comfortable don’t let him stay the night. Maybe sit down and talk to her about how you want her to communicate with you.
As a grandma and great-grandmother I would say that it is your child and if both you and your husband are uncomfortable with letting the child spend the night don’t. Also, you both should sit down and talk to her about letting you know how things went while the child is in her care. Say it in a nice way and let her know you appreciate that she cares for the child but you need to know what they do during the day.
The problem is your a first time mother. She is also a grandparent, and is excited about the baby. There is no reason you cannot let your baby stay over night, unless you feel he was going to be mistreated which is clearly not the case because she keeps him 2 times a week. You need to loosen up a bit and let that woman he a grandmother and let your child bond.
Your son will be fine to stay the night with grandma. Nothing bad is going to happen even if it may feel like it. It’s not a bad thing for you and your husband to take a night off, spend some alone time together and let her enjoy being grandma. Imagine how you would feel. Think about when your son gets older and leaves the nest and has a baby. Wouldn’t you want to feel included in that? Also, the whole communication gap thing is just her not seeing any issues and you being kind of a helicopter parent. Not to be rude… all first time mommy’s go through it.
I know as a mom I wouldn’t be comfortable either if my mother-in-law wouldn’t provide just basic information while my child was in her care. I’ve never had to deal with that but I know if I did I also would not want my child in their care. I know it’s a tough situation but it may be time to look for alternative child care if she can’t provide you with that information
Talk to her about it, just you and her if need be. Let her know how you feel and vise versa. She may just need someone to understand how she feels about her son, the baby, her way of being that isnt so great for you. She may just appreciate it rather than resentful
Reading all of these “let her be grandma” posts sicken me. I have had a somewhat situation and understand your concerns. Don’t get me wrong, having grandparents are great but there is an issue of overstepping boundaries, and they use the grandparent card more than is warranted. That is YOUR child and you do what is right for YOUR family. She needs to respect your wishes and your rules!
It’s up to you when you are happy for him to stay over. I know lots of people who don’t at all.
Maybe she might like a pet as well?
Wow, you’re taking this too far. Be grateful your child has a grandma who loves your child and WANTS to help n spend time.
I think it’s so nice how she enjoys having your son at times and how she wants to be involved …may be she gets comfort from having him around because of losing her son I lost my son it’s awful he was 9 years old I have other children and grandchildren and the love is unreal thank you self lucky not many grandparents like to be involved
Hell are YOU crazy? I’d kill for a MIL like that. Let her keep that baby. You sound like a helicopter parent. Why would you need to ask anything other than, “How’s he doing”? Trust me she probably just thinks you’re insane 
I do!
Let me tell you if my son didn’t put his foot up a girls behind if she ever tried to keep my grand baby away, I’d put my foot up his!
Stand your ground. She doesn’t communicate and that would piss me off. It would definitely make me uncomfortable.
Sounds like she is still grieving. Esp with giving the brothers stuff. That’s so sad.
I would not leave him overnight… But I don’t think she’s overstepping otherwise
It is a special bond we arent privileged to understand yet. At first I felt slightly similar like this was her kid I am just the one that pushed it out but might have been mainly hormones and new ultra protection mode that comes with having a child. I just embrace their love for our son now who is 18 months. He spends the night sometimes, she adores having him and I adore how much he is in a loving home when I need a break or date night with my husband. Work on communication. Thankfully my MIL sends me photos and if I ask anything she answers. Dont be afraid to be blunt about wanting that, but make sure you go in politely.
All 5 of my grandbabies spent the night with me within their first month. Guess I was blessed with my daughter in laws. Right now my oldest granddaughter is 19 and in college since being on Christmas break she has spent the night at least 3 to 4 nights a week the past few weeks. Since she was little some of our best and funnies times were at bed time. Now the youngest one is 2 .I baby sit him 5 days a week but still let him stay the night whenever he wants and absolutely love our pillow talk. They are called grand for a reason. No love like a grandchilds.
She sounds like a nanna that loves her grandson and also is trying to fill a hole in her heart from the loss of her son. I bit more compassion from you is needed IMO. Also, you need to trust her more with the care of your child. You’re trusting her to care for him 2 days a week already. Trust if there’s an issue she will let you know.
As for overnights, that’s your decision. Maybe ask her to babysit at your home while you and hubby go for dinner and a few drinks for a date night?
She can do the night time routine, tuck him into bed etc but then go home when you get home?
Think you’re overreacting.
Maybe you’ve given her a gift that she truly finds comfort in. There’s always a silver lining. Have gratitude that someone else loves your child as you do.
I say stand your ground and let her know that there is a reason for open communication. And the exact reason(s) why you cannot bring yourself to let your son go overnight. Not being of sound mind is one… You want this child to communicate with you if there is any crazy stuff going on. You also want to protect the memory of your brother in law. Prayers for you…
Tell her how you feel. Because you miss him during the day, you want to know all about him, what he ate, what he did. Suggest you and the baby stay at her house one night to see how it goes.
I understand your feelings. My MIL didn’t tell me and my SO, her son, that she took my 2 month old then to chuck e. Cheeses. She still likes to ask for more time with her and I stand my ground. We have weekends where she takes my daughter for a night and we get her back the next day. My advice is to stand your ground with her. Good luck!
She’s living the life of her dead son, through your son. Just let it happen. This is prob her way of grieving. As far as check ins, I’d discuss that. When I dont have my kid I always always always check in a few times bc as a mother u just worry no matter who has them and how safe they are. I’d just embrace it. Let ur MIL grieve threw ur son. Nobody is being hurt.
If she cant respect you as YOUR child’s mother and communicate with you about him, I’d cut it off. He’s not a son-clone and the fact she’s trying is unhealthy and gross. She needs therapy and to keave YOUR baby alone. This isnt “just being grandma”. This is weird and no way would my literal BABY be spending the night anywhere without me.
I was privileged to get a grandson,his mom is new to everything and I take care of him just like it was me who gave birth,my world revolves around him!!!
Put your foot down now
You are the momma and if you aren’t comfortable, you aren’t comfortable. Stand your ground. Grandmas are wonderful but that doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want with your child. She doesn’t communicate with you about what happens during the day (which would ease your anxiety), so overnights should be out of the question until your child is old enough to tell you himself what happened.
Let her do what shes doing. As long as he is safe in her care and he seems like he is from your post let her be grandma. Ask for your husbands baby things if it bothers you that much. And if you really want to know what he is eating during the day say you are keeping a journal of what he eats due to his Drs request. That way you aren’t mking her feel bad and you will get to find out. She sounds like a normal grandma to me. My mom feeds my children whatever she chooses to. I trust her. As well as i trusted my mil before she passed away. You have to understand that grandparents hold a different kind of bond with their grandchildren that doesn’t even exist with their own kids. Let her be grandma. You said she lost her son, remember he was her baby because as a mom you should know no matter what age they become they are always your baby. You should be happy knowing your son brings her peace and comfort. He looks like his uncle and that has to be amazing for her and your husband as well. Embrace that there is another person on this earth who loves your child.