If you have voiced things you are uncomfortable with to her, she needs to say “okay” and move forward. Regardless of her unfortunately losing her child, you are your baby’s mother and she needs to respect you and your wishes (as well as dad). I totally get that people overstep and think they’re just helping you out… Let her know your feelings. Maybe speak with your husband first and see what he thinks. You guys are mom and dad, so you two set the boundaries. It’s perfectly fine to be protective over your child. You will never be “over” protective; we are supposed to be that way with our babies. No one is entitled to your child just because they’re related.
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Yes grandchildren deserve to be spoiled my grandparents and they raised you S.O BUT that doesn’t mean grandparents get rights to do and have whatever they want. And that you want child raised how someone else believes is best
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Ever mother and mother in law are different… Mine can burn in hell but you may grow to love yours… Trust your gut…
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She’s the grandma. Be grateful you have someone who loves your child and wants the baby to stay etc. There’s alot of people out there that would love to have a mother n law and their childs grandmother actively in their life. My boys never met their granny cause shes in heaven. It urkes me to hear them ask about a grandma. They do have my mom who isnt able to keep them at night etc health wise. Just discuss with her that its the not the right time that youd like to wait til he’s older. Communication.
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I would have loved such help when i had my daughter.my mother stated that she wanted nothing to do with my baby right off.relax and accept the gift of another person helping you.
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I would give her an age at which he can start spending the night at her house and stipulate that it will also depend on his readiness at that point in time. It really isn’t unusual for a grandma to want to have the grandchild over night or even for a weekend. It does not mean that she thinks she is her mother. It really does not sound like that to me at all. I would also try to open some lines of communication with her. Try to do something with her once in a while so you two can build a relationship.
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Totally would let him stay the night! Enjoy the break, go have a kid free date night with your husband, have sex without worrying a out a toddler waking up crying! I left my son for a week with my sister when he was a little over a year old, My husband and I took my step daughter to California for a vacation. Best thing I did! I came back refreshed and honestly, a better mom!
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If both parents don’t feel comfortable it’s time for dad to say something 
she shouldn’t just have to “suck it up”. Y’all get out of here with that bullshit.
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Try explaining to her why you want to know how he ate & how his day went. As a grandma of 4, I have my “babies” a lot. I always tell my daughters everything. I do it so they don’t miss more than they have to, and meals-well Mom’s need to know how much & what kids are eating. If she can’t do that, I’d be looking elsewhere for a sitter.
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Let her in jesus 
the women is obviously hurting. Maybe she likes the baby around so she doesnt feel alone. I feel like you’re alienating the poor women and all she wants is to be a grandma and your friend. At least she isnt a junky or a child abuser. My mother in law couldn’t of cared less about our daughter. She whored herself out for drugs and then went to prison for hurting someone with scissors.
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She’s obviously still grieving the loss of her son. I always try to see the good in every situation. She seems like she just wants more time with your baby, maybe to help her fill an empty void. I agree that maybe an overnight stay is too early, but maybe ask her to watch the kiddo while you and your husband enjoy a date night once a week. It will be good for all of you
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Imagine wanting grandparents to watch your children and them not wanting to. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ll never understand these “power struggle” battles between parents and grandparents/in-laws.
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As a Grandmother, I can give you my opinion. She loves you and your baby! <3 Maybe she is trying to give you night out to enjoy yourself and not have to worry about the baby. She’s Grandma…she loves the baby and would never harm him. She’s raised her children and now wants to dote on her grandchild. What’s the harm? Trust her, she loves your baby. <3
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Have this conversation with HER
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I say go with your gut, you are having these feelings for a reason. There is no reason he needs to spend the night at your mom in laws other than she wants him to. This is your kiddo. Do what feels comfortable for you and don’t worry about her feelings, while being kind. Don’t let her guilt you, that’s toxic. I cannot imagine loosing a child, the grief would be all encompassing. Grief also makes you do crazy things. She is still apart of his life and can continue to be so as long as mom and dad agree.
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If she can’t / won’t communicate w/ you about what they do during visits, I, personally, wouldn’t be comfortable w/ overnight stays until my child could communicate about it. I’m w/ you on this, Momma! I would tell her that in no uncertain terms If she tries to pull the trust card, I would stand my ground and suggest that she learn to communicate w/ me better about the time they do currently spend together. Sometimes we have to teach the adults in our lives. Sometimes we need to enforce boundaries now to save greater heartache later.
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You are one the wrong track As a grandmother, of cause she wants him overnight.
Calm down, there’s no intrigue.
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Grandparents love is the next best thing to parents love…it’s a mean crazy world and your baby needs all the love and protection he can get. Having said that …I always wanted my babies at home at bed time😊
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This is one reason why mine isn’t able to be around my 2 anymore unless my 2 want to. It doesn’t matter, it’s your kid and if she can’t communicate then it’s time to find someone else
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If you are so uncomfortable with her having him then find someone else to babysit. I think its normal for grandparents to want their grandbabies to sleep over. Especially if they are close by. My mil gave my kids my bils old baby stuff. He doesnt have any kids and doesnt seem like hes gonna be having any. Grandparents love their grandbabies in a different way then their kids. I don’t think shes trying to steal him more like shes trying to enjoy being a grandma especially if its her only grandbaby
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My son is 5 now and I’m not comfortable with him staying by himself at my parents! I had separation anxiety when he was younger, I am absolutely fine when my son stays at his dads house but for some reason I’m not comfortable with him staying with anyone else and my son says he doesn’t want to stay there so I’m not pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to! Trust your gut and do what you are comfortable with and in your own time! Don’t let anyone pressure you! X
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Ew you’re really dragging it 
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My kids were about 1 when they started staying overnight with grandparents and other family members.
It’s actually a good way to help them out with separation anxiety about starting pre school or day care.
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I wish my kids had grandparents 
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I think you and your friend are being a bit dramatic. My oldest 2 looked a lot like my baby brother when they was born. Its just the way it works out sometimes
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It’s your choice not hers. Stop telling this person negative things little girls. Just bc you’re comfy with your damn in-laws doesn’t mean everyone is. It’s not your baby so stfu
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Here’s my opinion.
My moms has had over nights with my daughter since my daughters last feed was about 10pm.
Of course this is my mother. But I still think my point will apply.
I have never once, nor has my hubby, second guessed our daughter staying with my mom.
I feel like if you BOTH are uncomfortable, there is likely a reason, and until your child can speak, maybe it’s best not to have over nighters.
I’m a firm believer in gut instincts, and if something is telling you both no- listen. Maybe take this time to open up communications with your MIL, and everyone get on the same page of communication.
Most grandparents (who’ve had multiples) forget what being a FTM is like.
Maybe reinforce that your still new at this and over nights are hard for you.
Good luck!
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my son passed away 7 yrs ago and his son who will be turning 11 in a week. he is the prince of this house when he spends the night. I truly fill so blessed because his mother could rip him away from us if she wanted.
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My mother in law lost three of her children, and my husband is the only surviving child… Mom-in-law and me had a very strained relationship at first, but I feel it has gotten much better. She sometimes wants to do things the way she raised her son, but me and my husband have made it known that our kids are OUR kids. If she does something I don’t like, we make it known to her. We decide how the babies are raised and when they get to go somewhere. If you’re not comfortable with your little one going spend the night, then that is your RIGHT as a mother not to let them spend the night. Some things take time. I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong, per say, but make your boundaries well known and do things at YOUR pace because YOU are the mother, bottom line
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Okay whether this woman is grieving or not she still does not have the right to be pushing things on you and not communicating thing about YOUR son. You and your partner need to have a discussion with her and set some boundaries. Explain that your not comfortable with him sleeping anywhere because of his age. Yes grandparents are important but they also need to understand they are not the parent. It is amazing that she loves your son so much but I would definitely have a conversation and let her know how you guys are feeling.
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Tell her straight up. Also tell her if she isnt going to i form you than he wont be watched by her anymore period.
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Let her keep him overnight. If you trust her enough to sit…why not overnight ?
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I’m shocked at all the people who are siding with the Grandma in this situation, honestly. Your baby, and until you feel comfortable she has no reason or need to keep him overnight. You don’t NEED a reason. You feel uncomfortable, period. End of discussion.
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SOUNDS LIKE MINE ! Don’t let your kid stay there she’ll make him a monster nobody can tolerate
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Girl I’m the same way, with I wanna know how she ate slept, played etc. and she has came back with those Same responses. My daycare has… (me I just don’t want my kid being a little shit head) 
anyways I just quit asking so many questions. Go with your gut. Your doing the right thing.
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Honestly you are blessed to have family that loves you and your child. She tried/tries to love you like her daughter. You have been resistant for whatever reason. It sounds likes she helps you with daycare during the week too. She saved those clothes to give to her boys once they had boys of their own. Now unfortunately for her some of the saved clothes won’t get to go where she wished. So she is gifting them to her Grandson. She isn’t perfect but nobody is. But from your own words she puts a lot effort to be loving be there. Try imagining your son as an adult with his own son. How do you hope that your daughter-in-law treats you? I am not saying you shouldn’t put your boundaries where they need to be just ease your mind. I was never ok with my kids staying the night with anyone before they could use their own words to tell about their experience. If the communication between you two wasn’t great try sitting down and talking about how you need to be communicated with. She may not understand that your just a worrying first Mom. She may have forgotten how important it is during this stage to hear what your baby was fed, if he slept or was just unhappy. Not just that nothing bad happen. She may misunderstand your want for this information as you checking in to see if really knows how to care for child or not. Which may be why she short when ask because you hurting her feeling. Without meaning to. please try being grateful for her. She there and loves you all! It a huge blessing! It sound like you all have a loving beautiful family! What a lucky little boy your son is!
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I had the same issue with the whole stay the night thing. You can set all the boundaries it’s yours child your rules 
you can tell her we can all visit together anytime but until he’s a little older and can communicate easier I would like to wait. My son hasn’t been out of my sight since he was born and he’s 7 months old. I would hate for something bad to happen and me not be there to be able to stop him getting hurt or anything. I totally understand where u are coming from. I’ve only really known my fiancé’s mom for like 3 years so I don’t just trust anyone with my child, hell my mom doesn’t even take him without me yet. Not until he can really communicate
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I’m pregnant with our first… So i haven’t had a baby to stay over at grandparents, butttt… My Mom died a little over 2 yrs ago and my Dad lives in a toxic and physically unsafe environment (the sister he lives with has an abusive bf). Thanks to my husband’s mother, there is no father in the picture and she has sabotaged my husband’s well-being. Basically, our Baby wont be staying overnight at anyone’s except with ONE Auntie when they start asking.
If the grandma is wanting to be a part of Baby’s life and care for them, power to ALL of yall. 
HOWEVER what gives my gut a weird feeling is the fact that she wont disclose about their day. You’re not asking info for documentation and you’re not asking because you want to be a helicopter parent-- you give me the impression that you genuinely are interested in how their day was.
I can’t see why Grandma cant see that as an opportunity for yall to keep working on your relationship, especially since yall are both a special part of your baby’s life! Whether she likes it or not, family members have to learn to work together for the sake of the children.
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It’s YOUR child. ALways listen to your insticts. If you are not comfortable, then don’t allow it. Putting your foot down doesn’t make you a bad guy, it makes you a good mom!
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She raised 2 kids so I’m sure she knows what she is doing. Sounds like she loves all of you. I would take your mom in law over mine any day. If you trust her enough to let her watch him two days a week what is a few more hours. Enjoy the break. If there is a true, real problem then your husband needs to speak up. I’m sure it gives her joy to see her deceased son’s items being used. She can still see your husband, just sounds like part of the grieving process.
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Ha NOPE. TRUST YOUR GUT. My boyfriend’s mother is coming and she’s always kissing people and my son is 9 months old. I already told him Gramma isn’t kissing him because I don’t know who she’s around. I don’t really care for her and she’s done her son very wrong in the past. YOU’RE THE MOM AND HE’S THE DAD if she won’t communicate with you on how he’s doing regardless if it’s bad or not, then she doesn’t need to watch him any longer and DEFINITELY doesn’t need to be there overnight.
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So my brother passed away 6 years ago. My mom and my son have a great bond. And my mom relates a lot of him to my brother. If that comforts her or helps her then why say anything different. I think the grandchild after losing a child is pretty important to them. I let my mom keep my baby whenever. But my mother in law I let her keep my son if I’m going to see a movie or something. Maybe just do little bits at a time. So you are comfortable and she doesnt feel like you are excluding her or doesn’t feel like you dont trust her
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Go with what makes you the parents feel good. Not ready for an overnight don’t do it. But sit down with her and your husband and talk about needing the communication about baby’s day and how you are uncomfortable with some issues. Can’t fix it without everyone involved understanding it’s a problem
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I would tell her that you might feel more comfortable with her watching your baby overnight if she gave you more details about how things go when she watches the baby during the day.
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I, personally, would let her watch the baby over night… once a month or once every 2 months. Your MIL doesn’t sound like the baby would be in danger for overnight visits or you wouldn’t allow her to watch him twice a week.
You can use that time to have alone time with time hubby. Sounds like a win-win situation.
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If it doesn’t feel right it doesnt. My mother was the same way with my first but I didnt feel like I was ok with her keeping my daughter overnight. The one and only time my daughter has been away from me was the night before my second laugher was born this year because I am a csection planned for very early in the morning. I hated not having her with me and shea only been away from myself of her father that one night.
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Your son. Your rules
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Install cameras in your house to see what she does during the day.
She could have an underlying mental health disorder related to her son which could prove to be dangerous worst case scenario
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Put your fear aside , you and yoyr hisband plan a night away , you know yoyr child will be well taken care of , put yourself in her shoes , she list a child , a mothers worse nightmare , feel privileged thats she gives you some of her deceased childs baby things , she must really live and respect you to do that, your very lucky to have a mother in law that wants to build a close relationship with you,
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Honestly it doesn’t sound like anything is wrong and definitely not like she’s trying to steal your baby. I don’t see anything wrong with her asking when she can keep him overnight my mom kept my daughter overnight within the first couple weeks of her life. My mom has been a huge help in raising my daughter since my husband is gone 2 weeks at a time. Sounds normal to me
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If she’s good enough to watch your child during the day there’s no difference of the child staying overnight. You want your cake and eat it too and you can’t
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My MIL. Is an amazing women. She’s always calls and ask how my kids are doing, we talk every day. We have moments where we disagree but we quickly get over it. If you feel there is a gap of communication maybe try communicating more? She isn’t going to know what you want, or are feeling unless you speak up. maybe try calm conversation explain your feelings…
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She may not want to rely what happens, how he was, what he ate etc so as to reassure you she can cope, all is fine? I’m a grandmother and I love my sons babies more than you can ever know, you think you love your own child more than life it self, rightly so n of course you do, BUT a grandchild is love of a whole different level indescribable and until you are one you won’t understand fully, I just think she may want him to herself for the night but I also think if your not ready then be honest and tell her how you value her being his grandmother, n her help looking after him in the day but your not ready for all nighters yet! be honest but maybe give her hope that when he’s older your be happier about it… Like someone mentioned when he’s more verbal?.. Or when your tearing your hair out like my son does now they’re older lol… I had my grandaughter for the first time when she was few months old, they had gone to London with my grandson, I was thrilled to be asked n loved every min of having a baby in the house again as simple as that. The pain of loosing a baby (her son by suicide too) has got to be the worse as a mother you must empathise…your baby has probably given her meaning and a purpose again and a reason to smile after the pain of her son, she also after two sons was happy to have a daughter in law, to do girly things with… I have two sons so I get this… Don’t read too much into it but at end of day you know her best n you do what you n your husband are comfortable with x
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Communication is the problem or should I say lack thereof. My advice, be firm and loving. Explain your communication concerns, tell her you love that she gives you uncles blankies and outfits but you would love to have some of daddies too. Let her know when you feel comfortable with letting baby stay all night, she will be the first to know and one thing that will put you at ease is more communication of what goes on during their days together. You love your child and just wanna know all about all the milestones big or small since you’re not able to be there full time and it’s hard for you to miss them.
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Go with your gut. If you are not ready, what is the rush? I would definitely communicate that you are not ready to be away from your little one over night. How would you feel about her staying over one night at your house while you and hubby have a date night? Maybe if she’s in your space it would be win win for you both?
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All new mummas are paranoid and your always going to have “what if” moments. But that’s your mother inlaw, and I can guarentee by what your saying she absolutely loves your son. My mother in law saved lots of significant things from my partner to hand down to our children one day, I dont find this weird at all. Sleepovers are so much more exciting to grandparents then day time visits, it gives them the chance to do the full day/night parenting experience again. She sounds lovely and I feel like your trying to find faults in her, lay off before she starts to resent you
Relax and chill out. My mother several times thanked me for sharing our children with them and my mother-in-law always enjoyed my children. Now I am the grandmother and have always enjoyed having my grandchildren with me. They have had many sleep overs and thoroughly enjoy the special attention and little treats they get.
You and your husband are very possibly denying your child a very special bond with his grandparents.
Relax and have a date night.
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It’s your baby if you don’t feel comfortable leaving him with someone else then don’t. Wait until it is right for you.
Think you should be grateful that your mom-n-law trys to ha e a decent relate with you. You should be proud your son has a grandmother who loves him so much. Obviously the baby brings joy to her life & you & your husband would too
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Let her be helpful in the day but overnight, if you’re not comfortable, stay firm, that’s your baby. If you want to have a restful sleep, keep your baby in his own home. In your home its a team of 2 but if she lives alone and something happens she isn’t going to tell you. She’s already withholding info when you ask. Sorry but if there are secrets then forget trusting her at night.
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I have kept all four of my grandkids since they were months old. I do it out of love to help out. I never had to ask. My daughters & sons were needing a break. We’re sick or needing a date night. It is hard to get up with a baby at night , but I have done it with all 4 of my precious grandbabies. My children let me know how appreciated me & grandpa are. I would like to know how your husband’s relationship is with his mother. Is she a talkative person. It seems to me you are very hard on your mother inlaw. One day you might need her to keep your son overnight. I don’t think she means any harm to your child. If your child is well taken care of when you pick him up from grandma, just keep letting her help you out. Try to work on relationship with grandma out of love for your husband & son.
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My daughters grandmother took her over night guess who was there sleeping on the couch before the sun came up 
. Its normal to not feel ready. Is there room for you all to stay and maybe baby stays in her room?
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Just explain to her that your helicopter mom anxieties kick in to over gear when you don’t know what’s up. No shade, I’m the same way lol tell her you may be more comfortable with the overnight stays if she were more willing to check in and give you more feedback on the days she already watches him. Or just wait a bit longer until he starts talking if you’re that uncomfortable.
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Have you tried expressing how uncomfortable it makes you feel with the way shes acting? Because if so I would talk to her again but be a little more firm. Even if shes trying to do a good thing its YOUR baby and you have a right to know how his day went, ect. Ect. She is NOT your babies mother and should not try to act like it. Idc what anyone says. My step mom LOVES my daughter but understands boundaries and that she is My child and that what I say goes
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Sounds like she’s still grieving, but a lot of first time moms have certain paranoias about their baby. If your not comfortable leaving him overnight, he then don’t, my son didn’t stay overnight with his granny until he was 2. She may just be passing his clothes to you bc she no longer has anybody to pass them to. I wouldn’t worry about the hand me downs though, it’s probably a way for her to feel peace or a sense of closeness to see your son in his old baby clothes.
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We let my sil take our oldest for a night when he was only 2 months old. Now I have 3 and desperately need someone to take them for a night. She just loves the baby. I feel like she’s giving you guys old things of you bil because he can’t be there in person so I think it’s nice that baby has things of his. I think you should let her take him for a night. Have some you time and unwind. It won’t seem nearly as nerve wracking once you do it. You deserve the time alone.
As a grandma, I can tell you it is so exciting when the next generation of riny humans are born. The baby smelks, the pitter patter of feet. Having that chance to be a big part of their lives is amazing.
I understand you are nervous and scared, but she’s grandma. She essentially is another mother.
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Be kind to her, but also you must set boundaries. Your child is the main concern, and if you find yourself uncomfortable with her or anyone concerning your child, set the rules as a parent. If someone doesn’t like it, thats too bad.
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Put a stop to it now. She is trying to replace a broken heart with your child. I have seen this and have seen Families torn apart. She needs therapy. Maybe it would be best to have your baby watched by someone else till she can heal and tell the difference between her son and yours. May seem ridiculous but she is mentally broken and needs help. She lost her baby and now you have one and she is trying to get those feeling back.
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I have had my grand babies at night since they were 9-10 months old!..I know everyone is different,but she does have them at her house a couple times a week…u have to feel comfortable,I know that,but what is it that u don’t feel comfortable!..just asking
I might get some hate for this but I think your very lucky.
You have a mil who wants to treat you like a daughter who helps during the week so you can work and wants her grandchild over night which would give you and hubby a date night.
I don’t think she’s trying to be mom I think she’s trying to be a good Nana and have a close relationship with her grandchild just as she tried to have a close relationship with you.
I feel like this is a control thing because you let her look after him when you need her too so I doubt it’s a safety issue.
Does hubby really agree with you or does he just not want to upset you.
Children can’t have to many people who love them and letting your child have a strong bond with his Nana isn’t going to make him love you less.
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Jfc lady she did raise the man you had a baby with! Is she a falling down drunk?!? A meth head? Any kind of an addict? Of she did a good enough job on your husband why would you not trust her?!? You sound dumb. You’re lucky to have a built in baby sitter
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Jfc you have a free baby sitter! That woman is in serious mourning and your kid needs another pair of loving eyes
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Unfollowing this page due to all the dumb ass people who have no business breeding! Fucking idiots!
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You and your husband need to have a talk with her and say the child has his nightly routines and with you being back at work night times/evenings are your little family time so you can spend time with YOUR child. Let her know that when you all are ready you will let her know when he can spend the night.
To me she is wanting a replacement for her son and needs to deal with that grief first.
Day time care and night time care is totally different so I understand where you are coming from
No she’s not trying to steal your son neither to replace her son with yours. She just found joy again, and you ll realise that when your child gets a bit older and you understand how quickly time goes by.
When you’re asking her details about what he ate or what he did she might feel that you’re afraid she won’t make it, that’s why she’s reassuring you that there is no problem. Try to rephrase your questions.
And try this: put your mother in her shoes. Would you react likewise?
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I went through that with my kids grandparents ( my mil now and my ex’s mother ) and they both tried forcefully/physically to take my kid all because they wanted to be mom and they were jealous that they weren’t ( and yes I know this for a fact that’s what they wanted ) long story short, I got physical back and it stopped! Don’t put up with it at all. That’s YOUR child and you need to put a stop to it sooner than later before it becomes a bigger problem.
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I never let my kids stay overnight anywhere till a beach hotel at age 4 and i was there lol. It can be nerve wracking for a first time mom and a child so young. However i do feel terribly sorry for that grandma, she is obviously hurting/grieving and loves her family, including you. i feel moms pain at wanting her space and rules respected too. Its a tough situation, because neither mom or grandma are “wrong”. I dont have advice, good luck 
Punch her in the throat.
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She is not processing her grief. She needs to see a grief counselor and get involved in a survivors of a loved one’s suicide support group. She needs to be able to communicate what is going on during the day beyond there being a problem. Y’all need to sit down and be honest with her. Use these types of statements: When you ____, I feel ____, I need _____. Let her know that the reason you are apprehensive about overnights is lack of communication. Gather all of the brother’s items up and give them back. Let her know that you would love to pass their father’s baby items but their uncle’s items would be cared for better by her. Get with a counselor to sit down with y’all and lead with “we are concerned and we want to help, how can we help you deal with this in a healthy way.”
I honestly don’t see a problem here. She is loving and willing to help. Yes she may still be grieving but she’s not letting it get the best of her.
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Well for one this is YOUR child not hers. Sorry for her loss but YOUR kid is not her replacement kid. If she watches your kid she best have open communication with you about what you need to know about your kid. Not this I’ll tell you if there’s a problem bullshit. If she can’t respect you as the parent she doesn’t need to watch the child, I don’t care who she is. My child. My rules. Doesn’t matter who it is in my opinion. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground, be firm and put your foot down with her. If it seems off then it probably is off. Can NEVER be too careful when it comes to your babies…
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She’s not going to hard your child. Let her have a sleep over! She is finding joy again in your little boy. Ok the items of your brother in laws are kind of uncalled for and let her know that but sleepovers? Give yourself a break and let her have him overnight! She will keep him safe! Or let her stay at your house with your sons crib and rocker and all his supplies while you and hubs go away for a night.
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Why are you so afraid of letting your child stay with your MIL? Have you ever stopped to consider that just MAYBE she loves the baby because he is a perfect human being and brings her solace?
My husband died very unexpectedly in March 2017 and I was devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable, etc. My kitchen floor was my favorite place to be. And then my daughter asked if two of her sons (12 & 10 at the time) could stay all night, if I needed some company. I said YES PLEASE.
These young men helped my broken heart heal. Just the sight of their smiling beautiful faces brought me consolation and peace. I didn’t want to steal them, take their mothers place or any of that crap. They weren’t a consolation prize.
I love those boys and without them (and my other 9 grandchildren) I would not have been able to function.
Your mil might be sad but she is NOT mentally broken. Until you have felt that kind of grief, don’t judge.
Let the baby stay all night for goodness sake.
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No is a complete sentence. Go with your gut.
When she’s says I’ll tell you if he doesn’t eat or is unsettled etc I think that her way of trying to reassure you everything was fine, If nothing was wrong what exactly do you want ? A minute by minute account of the day? I don’t think she’s trying to take him or be his mother, I think she has a hole in her heart from losing her son, And her grandson helps fill that void and bring her joy, Handing down his clothes is a way to appreciate her son and her grandson, She still has your husband, So that need isn’t there for him in handing things down.
She isn’t asking for more than any other grandparent would, Infact she seems to be spending less time being able to fuss over her grandchild than I’ve experienced, My mother is heavily involved with my kids (I have 6) But that said, If you don’t feel comfortable leaving him overnight, address why, She clearly is capable of looking after him and you leave him to work, To me is sounds like you are projecting out of fear, Which is understandable being that this is your first child, But she genuinely doesn’t sound like anything but a doting and loving grandmother to me.
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Sad how she is allowed to watch her grandchild while you get to go to work but can’t have the child any other time. Seems like you’re using her for your own self worth and not caring about her at all. One day she will not be there and then who will be a free babysitter. Selfish I say
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She mourning of course and misses the thing she did many years ago, raising a child. Now that she got a grandchild, she is going to cherish him as much as she can give. She sounds like a great grandmother who is very protective. Just stop being a weasel and tell her how it is, when you ask her that question, tell her again, with firmness saying, excuse me? I am his mother and just love to hear what his wonderful grandmother feed her grandson. I care very much so on what he had and how his day went. Bam, she hears that you are as protective and will express more details.
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Stop letting her watch your baby. If she can’t respect your decision or answer your questions I wouldn’t let her watch him
Harsh:
Her kid is dead, yours isnt. If you arent comfortable let it be known, she can either get on board or get out.
“mil you have to stop pushing for baby to spend the night. We said no and we arent going to be doing it.” If she presses on, I’d hire a baby sitter or nanny instead.
Just because she is your husband mother does not give her any rights to your child in any way. YOU are the mother and as a fellow mother she should respect that but she isnt.
YOU are the mother!If you feel uncomfortable then something uncomfortable is happening!I took care of my GRAND!whatever parent picked him up!they knew what he had to eat and what he did!
Be honest. Listen to your gut. What are your priorities? Not to be mean, but mine were my child’s safety and well-being over any other relationship. Motherly instinct is loud and useful. Don’t dismiss it. Find ways to kindly assert yourself and set boundaries with your mother-in-law. Accept that you have no control over her reaction. I wish you the very best no matter what decision you make.
Grandmas love their grand babies. Plain and simple. He brings her happiness when she lost her own son. Babies have a way of doing that. My mom loves my son, probably more than she ever loved me. When we moved three hours away, she would cry every time we had to go back home. And not for me. For my son. She got really depressed. So I’d let her get him on the weekends. He’s older, he was three at that time but take a night off. Let her keep him. She isn’t going to hurt him and maybe in trusting her, you will become closer to her. She just has a void and probably wants company.
I can totally understand where you’re coming from! This is really tricky… No matter how you approach her, she is likely to be offended and it may cause irreparable damage to an already strained relationship. I think your best bet may be to get hubby, or someone she trusts and listens to, to suggest grief counseling or therapy for her, as it sounds like she’s hasn’t fully dealt with her son’s death and may be transferring her feelings for him onto your son. At least she cares and wants what’s best for yin though, although I can imagine this might cause conflict if she disagrees with you about what that might be…
As a grandma I can share that I watched my first grandchild for almost a year. Twelve hours a day. We bonded in those early days and she can come stay the night anytime. I enjoy watching my children’s children change and grow. She brings the kid out in me too ! If I lost my son like this woman did, the children being around me would be very beneficial to me.
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She couldnt tell me , I will tell you if something’s wrong. That doesnt sit well with me. If you feel a negative vibe and she respind to something as little as the well being of your son; thats a problem for me. Grieving or not she has to communicate period.