I am having a baby girl in April. I need some advice on deciding who I want to be in the room. The father and I split up, and he has said some very hateful things about her. So I didn’t think I wanted him to be there, but at the same time, he is still the person I love, and he is the only one who comforts me. My aunt raised me, and she was in the room when I had my son if I let her in there again, my mother will be extremely jealous. My mother and I haven’t really had a close relationship, but she lives with me now because she was homeless, and I needed help with a caretaker for my son while I worked. She was not in the room when I had him because she told me I shouldn’t have him and that I’d end up harming him. I forgave her and let her be in his life and live with us. She gives me severe anxiety, though. So I am confused about who I should let in the room, and would it be bad if I didn’t want anyone in there with me this time?
Your baby, your birth, your choice! You owe nobody any explanations. If you feel uncomfortable, you can always say that the nurses gave you a limit and rely on them to enforce your choices. Nurses will always be happy to help you with things like that! Congratulations
Maybe look into hiring a Doula?
I didn’t have anybody with me when I gave birth. Not a single soul, and it was great!
They can always wait in the waiting room… You don’t need any extra stress at that moment…
I reckon do it by yourself but if you feel you need someone I would say your auntie
Do it alone or allow a friend. It’s your body and the staff at the hospital will honor your wishes.
This is about you. You should only have who you want there. It’s not about someone else’s feelings. Even if that means no one. Hugs and love
I’d just let your aunt
why would you want anyone at such a time-it is very stressful- I was throwing up and in much pain-don’t like for people to see me like that-everyone is different
The only person who seems to have been their for you, regardless the circumstance, is your aunt. If you should have anyone it should be her…again…xx
If I was you, I’d have my aunt in the room again.
Tell your mom to screw off. You need to only let in people who can help you have a successful non stressful birth.
Aunt & allow mom in for a short time. Maybe during labor & not delivery.
Its sounds like your aunt is the only one you had nothing negative to say about. Labor is about you and the birth of the baby. Focus on what you want
Have people that will put you at ease and screw anyone who forces you to pick them. You need a support team when in labour with people who are going to comfort you and put you at ease.
Your aunt. Don’t let jealousy ruin what you guys have.
It’s a stressful time. IF you have anyone in the room with you, it should be someone who relaxes you and makes you feel comfortable. Don’t do something because you feel you “should”.
This is one of the only times where you saying “this is what I want and that is that!” Is 100% OKAY! do what will make YOU comfortable and less stressed. Just your aunt? Aunt and ex? Just you? Just ex? You decide. You need to be comfy and relaxed to have the safest birth possible. Anyone who gets butthurt is an absolute child, honestly.
It is possible to not have anyone with u…
It’s about you no one else, do what YOU want.
You have who ever makes you feel the best in there. Don’t take anyone else’s feelings into account.
I opted to not have anyone present for my last birth, made midwives aware of my wishes, only to have the father be allowed in right as her head was crowning so I couldn’t or didn’t have the energy to stop it from happening. So whatever you decide make sure the hospital does as you have asked not as they please
My hospital let me have 2 people in the room. But if ur mom gives u anxiety I would recommend jus letting ur aunt in cause at least she closer to u and gives u comfort
Everyone sounds toxic, besides your aunt… I’d tell the rest to bugger off and go in with your aunt
It’s simply your choice. No stress needed.
If you don’t want anyone there, then simply don’t allow anyone there.
For my first kid, I only allowed people who made me felt comfortable and safe. So I had my husband and my mom. This time, I’m going to try and have my husband and mother in law be there. However, if you don’t feel 100% comfortable with all of these people you mentioned, then don’t allow them into the room. The nurses are there in case you are alone and will help you get through it. In my opinion, I would have just the aunt since she seems like the best option. Good luck mama!
Aunt. It’s not about there experience or there relationship to her it’s about your labour and who can support you most obviously that’s your aunt. Men are usually shit especially if they do not love
I’d ask your mom to sit with your son instead of be there with you. Just tell her it’d keep you more calm if she’s able to help with him because it’s a big moment for him. If you can get past whatever he said and how you feel about it I’d let him have the chance but if he doesn’t want to I’d just have your aunt and tell your mom she just keeps you calmer
The only person you need in there that is family is the baby girl.
Your birthing experience should be as calm as possible and you can have people in while laboring but ultimately you are in control, who cares how they feel. Besides who’s going to watch your son if your mom is in the room also?
Dont worry about who’s feelings will be hurt. This is YOUR BABY. I had my mom and husband with me when i had my first and when i had my second i just wanted my husband. Everyone understood just fine. They will get over it.
The only thing you should consider in regards to who go have in the labor room is who is going to make labor just a little easier.
your aunt. and only her.
Baby daddy, and no one else
You need someone in the room who will be supportive and will worry about YOUR wellbeing. Whoever will be at comforting you and keeping you calm is who needs to be there. If no one will than it’s okay for you to do it by yourself, but it can be very scary and you might need someone to comfort you.
The father of the child and nobody else … or be by your self … I wished I had kept everyone out of my delivery and afterwards .
If the childs father has treated you so badly he should not be ther. And you should continue your life with out him. I’d do it alone or with the aunt. Everyone should wait in the lobby or waiting room.
Tell your mom that you’re really worried about your son during this big change and ask her to stay with him. Ask her to make it a special day for him. Tell her she’s the one you trust with making that happen Then have your aunt in the room to keep the family updated. Ask the father to be at the hospital but not in the room so if you decide you need him to calm you he’s there and he can see the baby right after
Have her dad there he and u r the only 2 ppl baby needs to see first…that way ur not picking and choosing
I let my mom and husband. That’s it. I didn’t want anyone else to be there while I was at my most vulnerable. So you sit and think
I had three people in the room with me.
It’s all up to you, don’t even think about who it would upset or make jealous.
You need people who make you happy and calm in the room with you.
Tbh I couldn’t do it myself. I would need at least one person
I say Aunty if you genuinely want her there.
Just don’t let the decision get to you
I had this issue, I ended up having her by myself. My partner got stuck in traffic (he too said messed up things prior) and my mom had gone home. He walked in just as she was coming up. He’s still very upset about it but in love with her.
I would say have the dad there but make it clear if he can’t welcome this child into the world with love and support he isn’t welcome.
Girl drop some of that drama out of your life!!!
You have whoever you feel in your heart you want in the room and don’t be sorry about it
…this is your baby …
It sounds like you’re pushing aside the one respectful supportive person in your life so the toxic assholes can see the birth. Really?
Its ur day u decide no matter who gets mad…screw whoever gets mad…u do whats best 4 u n what u wana do period!
Only someone supportive and loving
Do what makes you happy not everyone else
I at that point I wouldn’t have any one in the room
See I’m confused. The father said hateful things about the baby, yet he’s the only one who comforts you. . I say let the aunt go in again. She seems like the only one that hasn’t upset you.
It’s YOUR birth and YOUR choice. Don’t let anyone else’s emotions influence you. You do what YOU want to do. Even if it is to have no one else in there!
Get a doula they are there to help you and make you feel comfortable.
To me to make a relationship with your mother stronger I would say your mom. It’s a special bond between mother and daughter being in the delivery room.
If I were you it would just be me and the medical staff.
Whom ever you want…if you want no one then have no one
People who make you calm and happy you don’t need no stress during an already stressful time if they don’t like it they can fuck off
Only my kids were in the room…
Sounds like your Aunt should be in there
By yourself.you won’t have to worry about who you might hurt
With my first I had three people with me, my ex husband, his grandma and my brother’s wife… My brother’s wife and I are extremely close and she took care of me while in labor… With my second it was just my ex husband as my sister in law had my son… If I could go back I’d have my sister in law in there instead of my ex husband… (At the time it was husband)… Go with the one person that supports you the most, like your aunt
have whoever you feel most comfortable in the room with you. My mom was a huge meth addict and the doctors wouldn’t listen to me when I kept begging them to take her out of the room cuz she was skitzing so bad walking back and forth then made my labor very uncomfortable because I didn’t want her in there. this pregnancy I plan on only having my husband because that’s a moment only me and him want to share together
Frankly, it sounds like you have family issues. If you want to be alone, go for it.
Perhaps a friend?your aunt if that’s who comforts you.
I had my fiance and my sister.my mother was jealous but I’m glad I chose how I did.
Bring whoever you want in the room…who cares how others feel about it…YOUR the one birthing a baby. Your rules!
and I was very upset because nobody listen to me and my mom got to see my baby before me because my son was so premature I didn’t get to see him after I gave birth because of the high chance of losing him if we didn’t get him on oxygen. it was my first delivery and it was traumatizing because nobody was listening to me as the mother of who I wanted in there and who I wanted to go see my baby first
Dont worry about who your going to offend and do what you want. They are not the ones in pain. Thats your moment.
Nobody. Let the nurses help you
You need to have with you the person who brings you the most support during this time…
I will tell you, during my labor and such with my 13 yr old… I was so anxious and stressed that I stopped progressing completely… after a VERY long and painful labor with no progress after the first 12 hours… I had an emergency csection…
My midwife did everything she could to help me relax, but do to the people who were with me (I chose poorly) I got too stressed and it affected my body’s ability to labor…
I know it’s not the same for everyone, and I’m not saying it to scare you…
Just seriously, no ones feeling matter at this vulnerable time… other than yours…
This is one of the times you will be most vulnerable and sensitive… you need zero stress…
So… just choose the person who will give you the most support… this is you time…
I had 5 that no one but me and doctor ect. Was there it was so much better than the other 3 I had with. Husband and family they made it so much worse. Good luck
I’d give mom a chance, you can kick anyone out of the room at any point for any reason if you want or need to . But I’d say give mom a chance to be in there and see if you could possibly bond or make the relationship stronger
This is about you. Honestly. Only you. You bringing baby into the world. You’re doing the work. One of the hardest days of YOUR life. It’s scary, it hurts. Whatever can make YOU more comfortable. I know its hard to not take other people’s feelings into consideration, that was me too. If the father can still comfort you, then let him be there. If it will cause you anxiety then don’t. If you don’t want mom in there, get her a little gift, tell her you need her with your son. Tell her she will be the first with a picture maybe. Whatever you gotta do to make that day easier for you.
You need to have someone who is calming and supportive to you. It’s ultimately your choice and you need to go with what makes you the most comfortable
By yourself sounds like the best option
I had just my husband with me when I had her but I had family in and out while in labor and I’m telling you it was he’ll on me pretend I mg I was perfectly fine so my side of the family didn’t freak out on me or my father in law but only have who you want in there with you and the he’ll with everyone else’s feeling because my mother in law was coming up with every reason in the book for me to let her in there but I wouldn’t have it
I say stick to you aunt who was basically a mom figure too n if anything a better one. So your moms feelings kinda mostly dont count. As for your guy, fuck him , hes a stupid ass anyway, he’ll only make it harder for u. Its just an emotional moment rn
I worked many years on a maternity unit in NYC. Not everyone has someone. The staff will be with you and there as you need. I would say only have who you want and be there for you at this very important time
It’s not about their feelings… this is YOUR moment. If you feel strong enough to do it by yourself, then do so. If you feel you need someone with you, I’d choose the person who didn’t speak negatively about any of my children and that sounds like the aunt who raised you.
Aunt. If she supports you in your life choices and raised you and was in the room the first time around she needs to be in there again.
Depends on when you want the drama. Just have your aunt if you are ok with drama outside delivery. Both if you’re ok with drama in delivery and give your aunt (in front of your mother) permission to decide if your mother is acting appropriately and with your best interest in mind. And that your aunt has the right to remove her if she’s not acting right.
If you want your aunt, have her there and deal with everyone else’s drama later. It’s your choice, no one else’s. She was there for you and you are presumably comfortable with her.
But chick, on a side note, you would be doing yourself a massive favor if you got a personal support system you could rely on and leave out the rest who bring nothing but expectations and drama. You’re a momma, you will never have time for that nonsense.
The person who has not hurt you
Does not make you anxious
Has not abandoned you
Was there for you in your last birth
The person who stepped up and raised you
It’s about you and who you want
Dont worry about anyone’s feelings but your own. I would have the child’s father if it was me though
They all sound extremely toxic.
There is nothing wrong with just you, the nurses and doctor while giving birth. They can’t do anything in the birth process except put you in a great deal of stress and that is the last thing you need.
Have the baby, relax without their drama and enjoy your beautiful baby girl.
This is your time and if having anyone there will cause u stress then have no one but of u want support then have the one that stood with u through everything there with u job matter whose feelings are hurt
Have who you want to be there no matter who gets hurt but the baby daddy no matter what problem you guys have should be given chance to see birth of child
I had my husband
And my best friend I’ve known for 22 years.
It was a great choice for me
Not wrong at all sweetie. This about you & your daughter, not anyone else. Don’t stress over it, do what makes you comfortable. Congrats on the baby girl
You do whats best for you
Thats your less thing to worry!
I didn’t have any one with me.My husband and the rest of the family were waiting out in the waiting room. How can you love HIM, went he doesn’t love you? First love yourself.
I say screw them all! Jave your bestfriend!
Your aunt is like your mom and she probably should be the one in the room. However your mom is the 1 that is helping you take care of your children. And sperm donor if he comes around then he can see the baby.
Its about you and the baby. Not them.
No one can help you decide who YOU want and no one else’s feelings matter
Time to stop thinking about everyone else’s feelings and zero in on WHO YOU WANT to be there. You are giving birth, one of the most mentally and physically taxing things a woman can do. Screw everyone else’s feelings. Who do YOU want and need to be there?
Do it yourself the nurses will help
If he said anything hateful about my child,I wouldn’t have him anywhere near her
I was in the room by myself for pushing and family came to visit up until I pushed and an hour after I gave birth.