Mamas let talk about “gender roles”. My boyfriends and I have been together for a little over a year. Our relationship is good, no fights or any problems until recently. Our biggest and only problem is that his family doesn’t like me. They have never liked me and I feel like it was made clear. When I’ve told my boyfriend I felt unwelcome at his house(he still lives with his parents) he tried saying that “ that’s just how my parents act”. I eventually stop going over to his house because I get fed up with his they treat me and my daughter. According to him His mom mentions to him that they haven’t seen me in awhile, and that’s when my boyfriend tells them that I feel unwelcome there. My future MIL responds with “ if she doesn’t feel welcome maybe we should show her how it feels to really be unwelcome”. Long story short I just get tired of him telling me what his parents said and so I call his mom to get to the bottom of the situation. His mom tells me that she doesn’t like that I “don’t pack his lunches” or “help him clean his room”. My boyfriend and I live an hour away from each other , and when I was going to his house I would help with cleaning his room. When he stays with us at my house he doesn’t pack my lunch, or clean my rooms lol. If he leaves his clothes here they always get washed and put up. Am I the only one who feels like her reasoning for not liking me is bs?! Me and my bf work opposite schedules and as a result I only see him once or twice every couple weeks. To get to the point please tell me if y’all agree with the mom and I’m just not doing my job as a girlfriend or if y’all understand where I’m coming from?
Umm what? None of that is your job as a girlfriend or even a wife for that matter. He’s a grown man and should be able to do that himself.
You got a definite mommas boy.
Just leave. Idk why you’d wanna hang around where you feel unwelcome. There’s better out there!
Sounds like he’s a mamas boy and that your dating a child 
none of those things are your responsibility. If he wants to live with his mom then maybe she should clean his room and wash his undies for him…
Pahahaha! Girl, unless your boyfriend puts his foot down, it may be best to say “Adios!” and haul tail. That “future MIL” is going to be the MONSTER In-law and has “momma’s boy” written aaalllll over it. If she’s already giving you hell after just being together a little over a year, imagine how much worse it is going to be after getting married.
Are you looking for a mate and partner or a child? Because he can surely do these things himself. If not he’s not the one. His mommy can take care him. Smdh!! She sounds like a real joy!!! 
He’s a grown up… if he needs you to mother him then his mother failed… my boyfriend and I live together… I clean up, cook, take care of kiddos… but he also cleans, cooks, takes care of kiddos…
He doesn’t need or want me to pack his lunches like he’s in kindergarten… and he has his own spaces that I do not clean, ever… just like I have my own spaces… he does not clean ever…
Momma’s boys’ momma is just being difficult… if this wasn’t her excuse, she’d just find a different one…
Girl. That is not even the relationship for you.
Run. I’m assuming he’s very young since he still lives at home. But if he’s old enough to be in a somewhat serious relationship, he’s definitely old enough to clean his own room. 
His Mother’s reasoning is BS. He’s an adult and he can and should be cleaning his own room and packing his own lunches. Wow. As long as he lives at home and is babied by his mother things are going to be that way for you. Just be careful though bc that’s how he’s been living and if you decide to live together then he will, more than likely, also expect you to do those things for him. Yikes. Sorry
First- you aren’t his mommy and you’re not his wife. Nobody has any right to think you should be mothering him, or doing “wifey duties”. - nor is it any woman’s “duty” to clean up after her husband or make him a plate, pack a lunch, or kiss his behind. It’s not 1951 and June cleaver done left the building
What the actual hell! He is a grown man so he should be capable to clean his own room and pack his own lunches.
Boundaries:clap:
. She can continue to be his mother. You are not his mother. Not saying this spitefully but you should ask her if you are doing all of these things for her grown son can he call you mom. Just to see the look on her face. Acts of service and caring for a significant other doesn’t have a rule book or guidelines. That is established by the participating parties. Boundaries and clear expectations
First how old r you two second don’t feed into thee mothers energy and if she don’t like you that’s monster 
because a mother suppose o love who her child loves
I love all of this great advice… is this man two years old? You owe him and his mommy nothing… you and your daughter deserve everything! Never ever let anyone treat you like that again… slam that door shut!!!
Run girl. You got one kid… trust me, that’s enough. You don’t need a grown child too
Just imagine your future if she acts this way now it only gets worse! If your man can’t or won’t stand up to her you either need to come to terms with it or save yourself anguish and end it.
Ew wtf? So you’re his slave already and you don’t even live together? No.
you dont need to do wife duties when he hasn’t made the upgrade. you are a girlfriend, be a girlfriend. if he lives in his mamas house and can’t clean his own room then that seems like his mamas job lol.
#RedFlag #RedFlag
you talk about her being future MIL i would highly reccomned pre marriage counseling, which gets you both talking about important things like “roles in the house”, how you both think you want to raise kids and spend/save money. and then i would also highly recommend spending more time together before you get married or engaged
Dump him. You deserve a lot better.
You’re not his mother and not his maid…if you want to do that for him to be nice or helpful out of love, that’s one thing but he shouldn’t expect it as a grown man.
She’s nuts.
It’s not about “gender rolls”. 
You should never do wife level stuff as a gf. But that’s just me.
I’ve made my husband lunch. And?
Ill2 wash his clothes sometimes. And? He makes sure we havw firewood and I don’t have to work on my own car.
Couples need to do what works for them.
As for her, she’s lying. She knows you can’t make his lunches like that. And he thinks it’s stupid and is trying to stay out of it.
She wants you to become his mother.
Girl I hate to say this… but leave the relationship… he is a mommas boy… and if he is a true mommas boy it’ll NEVER get any better for you no matter how hard you try… been there done that!!! Move on with your life… don’t let people make you feel like your not worthy
If your engaged. Start accepting her treatment or you’ll just end up in Divorce Court with his and your kids to fight over. Or you could just pull the plug now before any more hearts get broken. Let him go. My grandmother Hated my Mother. So much so that they pitted us against them. Demanding we do as they said. Only problem was…they were always opposite directions. I always felt like I was in a tug of war. I hated my grandmother. I never really got to know her. They were so busy fighting they never allowed us to. I wish I could explain better. So I beg you… for your future children. … DON’T DO IT.
NO CHILD DESERVES THAT. LET HIM GO
She wants you to be his mother. He clearly wants that as well. He’s a man child.
Wtf did I just read. Are you dating a child and his teenage mother?
RUN
That lady doesn’t like you and it has nothing to do with anything besides her NOT LIKING YOOOOOOU!
I say this cause I was in the same boat for YEARS and when I say this isn’t about wash or cleaning it’s about HER NOT LIKING YOU! And that won’t change! You can hang the moon and cure cancer and I can promise she will find someway or something to not like… my advice… save yourself the drama and call it a day on this relationship…
If he won’t hear you on this he won’t defend you to them… he won’t respect how it makes you feel and frankly… it’s a very telling sign of what’s to come.
Don’t go out with anyone who doesn’t live on their own and can do everything for themselves. Not worth it. Tell his mama that it’s 2022, not 1946.
I think she’s either too obsessed with her son, afraid if her son leaves she’ll lose her purpose in life, nobody is good enough for her little angel so she drives everyone away, or she’s mad that she’s spent her life being a doormat & is taking it out on you.
Tell BF you’ll consider dating him again once he’s self-supporting with a place of his own with no help from mommy.
He’s grown he can pack his own lunch and clean his own room. You don’t live there
Why do wifey work on girl friend salary!!!
Man, F his mother. What’s wrong with her? You don’t live with him… I can see if he works in the morning and needs help packing a lunch or asks you but who is she to say clean his room and make lunches like a baby? You’re not living together and not married. Haha she’s trippen
She’s trying to train you for her position. Back up. Rethink the situation. There’s better benefits somewhere else
Wait… his mom doesn’t like that you don’t “help clean his room” and “pack his lunches” while he lives with his parents, while you’re visiting him ayfkm 
sounds like he’s still in highschool lmfao
He’s a grown-assed man. Why is ANYONE but him cleaning his room or packing his lunch???
Nope nope not his maid or mommy.
You are not that boys mama!! Lol let his mama keep him she is clearly jelly he has a woman
Why would you do wife stuff for a boyfriend that lives with mommy and daddy?? She wants you to do stay at home, not work wife stuff.
Let his mama keep him.
Mama boys are the WORST anyways. 
More like a momma then a gf. Is he complaining to her and just your not hearing it? I’d be gone.
If I wanted a child, I would give birth to one!
All kinds of red flags …so much imaturity on everyone’s part …this will not end well for you …once a pattern between individuals it’s almost impossible to change it unless all parties want to try …your not getting any positive feedback from any of them …i’de run …save yourself from that toxic crap .
Hold on… You’re old enough to have a child… which, unless you’re a predator, also makes him old enough to have a child… yet, he still lives at home, and mommy is upset that YOU don’t help HIM clean his room or pack his lunch???
Wtf??? Is she running a daycare?
Either tell him to move out and get an apartment, move in with you, put up with her shit, or kick his ass to the curb. You don’t have 1 child, you have 2 and she’s mad that you aren’t babysitting for free…
Run 
lol sounds like he’s a Mama’s boy and you don’t want that! You want your man to love and care for his mama but it sounds to me like the cord hasn’t been cut yet jmo 
She is looking at you as his future wife who will do the things she does for him when he leaves
He sounds immature & lazy, get yourself a better boyfriend and mother in law.
Jesus, does he have a race car bed at mommy’s house too? 
Get rid of him because his mom is babying him and he’s apparently a mama’s boy who expects his mom to treat him like he’s a child still. So he expects the same treatment that he gets from his mom from you. This will continue to cause problems all through the relationship. Get rid of him and be done. It will only get worse before it gets better.
He’s not an child or a husband. Why would you do that?
Throw him away and get a new one
Are you dating a 13 year old boy?!
Girl…you don’t need a boy still living with his Mommy , you live too far away .let his Mommie take care of him and move on…his still just a boy.
He lives at home with his mommy and she’s mad that she has to clean it cause you don’t. girl go find a grown man and let his mommy have him. I can tell you she’s always going to be an issue. Run. Don’t walk
His a grown a$$ man. His not a child. The only time you should back lunches is if you want too not because he forces you to. As for cleaning his room, he is not a child nor is it your responsibility to clean after him.
You want a man not a baby!
Seriously…why are you even trying to be with him???
Does your relationship depend on his mother liking you if so tell him to kick rocks.
Find yourself a man and move on
Sounds like a mama’s boy. He needs to get of the teet and grow a set. Save yourself, find a real man!
Are you his mama or his girlfriend? Is he an adult or a child? I’d be running as fast as I could from this relationship!
Really? You really need us to tell you what you should know?
are you dating a teenage boy? Get real. Honestly, you need a man!
I think we need to know your and his age group… cause… I mean are yall children? I don’t understand
IM FUCKIN DYING LAUGHING. WHAT A CHILD. his mother is very seriously a narcissistic personality at the very least. Mommas baby. Gotta baby the boy. I’m so over it FOR YOU! girl byeeeeee. Tell him to kick rockssss
She wants you to mother him which is ridiculous. He can do and should do those things himself. Honestly I would just tell your boyfriend to not being up what they say cause you don’t care.
Are you serious right now…
girl you are grown, stop & realize what you just posted about your child ass boy friend… Lmao! I can’t.
Like Vinny from jersey shore staaap, get real, and self reflect. Like wow.
I’ll bet he’s still sucking on mommy’s teet.
She’s the type of lady to be like, “This is my son, he’s 360 months.”
I can’t help laughing per his parents expectations
Clean his room
Cut his lunch
Stay with him and you are making a rod for your back
You’re not his damn mom…point blank. Period.
He’s a Mama’s boy and she is always going to be a problem . Move on
Umm sure hes old enough to clean up after himself and pack said lunch
Are you dating a man or a toddler your mil sounds petty as
A thats weird. Thats not reason to not like you.
A person who doesn’t live in the home doesn’t have to clean the rooms of people in this woman’s home. Thats weird to even expect it. Shes not a very good host is she.
Since we are going to play traditional gender roll games for someone you arent actually even living with I say you can go send him your bills to pay. Haha. Tell him you need your light bulbs changed.
You are too old to deal with things like this.
This is her problem. Not yours. Dont let her turn it around on you.
This seems to be an issue with the old timers my SO grandfather lived with us for a little bit and expected me to do the “woman” duties. Such as clean and cook for them. But I was the only one who worked. After 10 hour shifts and hour driving one way there was NO WAY I was going to come home and cook and clean after them… Pops moved out a few months later and told my SO he needed to find a real woman
As long as you and BF are on the same page I would just ignore it. He’s grown and can do for himself. Just like you do.
Damn! Are you dating my ex and his parents? Lol! No, seriously, I dealt with the same thing, except he had moved out on his own but his mama still washed, dried, and folded his clothes, and still cooked for him too. He mysteriously managed to keep his place clean until we got married and that all changed, and got even worse after we had a kid together. I didn’t mind since he wanted a stay at home wife and mom and would ask for him to do the smallest of things to help me out, and especially after I ended up half paralyzed and had to have emergency surgery to repair some herniated disks in my neck that had caused a major nerve to get pinched off, and then that was weaponized against me as being “lazy” and “just wanting a pity party” because of the excruciating pain. That’s a lot of the reason the marriage didn’t last either, besides the cheating and narcissistic abuse. Always running to mama and telling me “mama said”. And I’m talking for almost 2 decades. That crap gets old fast, and especially after kids, and nah, I’m not raising her failure and all the while was showing by example and teaching our own son that women are nothing more than maids and servants to him. I refused to accept that and refused to do that to any woman be may one day date or marry.
You should tell her that’s her job to pack his lunches and clean up after him, because she’s the one that gave birth to him. I would also tell her she should’ve or should be teaching him how to be self sufficient, because nobody else is responsible for taking care of him. He’s not a helpless infant. I would also ask her why she’s enabling and doing all she can to make her son to be helpless and totally dependent on someone else to take care of him, and why she’s doing all she can to stunt his growth into adulthood? Idk… I’m blunt and would tell her get her titty out of his mouth and let him grow up, and I would tell him the same, get mama’s tit out of his mouth and start acting like an adult or we were done. It’s kind of sad that she still thinks or is like that, but she’s not doing her son any favors. Women don’t want nor need a helpless “man-child”, and especially when we have our own children. And going out of her way to be rude to you about it is exactly why you need to tread carefully before continuing this relationship. I’m sure he’s a decent guy, at least in some ways, but as someone who went through this for far longer than any sane person should’ve tolerated or accepted, it’s a red flag of what’s to come in the future. If he believes the same way, then that’s what you have to look forward too. And she’s not going to change if she’s truly like that. Just some words of advice, because they usually don’t change, won’t stand up to their mother, and it usually gets far worse over time. I don’t know how old he is, but it sounds like he needs to get out of his parents house and grow up and be more independent, and you need to stop going over there to stay until he gets his own place, because honestly, it sounds like you’re dating a “man-child” who’s ok with this. It’s not healthy and especially if it’s not something you’re comfortable with doing when it comes to gender roles and being looked at like you’re his personal maid and servant instead of his girlfriend. I’d definitely stop going over there if that was the expectations of her, to clean HIS room, in HER house. She’s treating you like his personal maid and servant and clearly he’s ok with that. Something you need to consider before continuing this relationship. He’d definitely have to come stay with me and do some growing up in the process, before I’d continue this relationship though, but I definitely wouldn’t go back after being treated like that. I know I now look back and wish I had recognized the red flag behavior and sure wish I had considered why he could never keep a girlfriend for long. He was a really good looking guy, good manners, good job and hard worker, until we got married and until we had a child and it came time to pitch in around the house and yard and with family stuff. And having a child is when it really got so much worse, and he tried to define the roles as everything was my job, including when he got laid off from his job, it was mine to pick up a job to “help him” (not help us) while also sending out resumes for him. That’s when I knew something had to change or we weren’t going to last, and we didn’t. The more I tried to set boundaries and encourage him to be an adult and be all in on our marriage and build together and work on things together and share in family chores, the more he ran to mama and the worse she treated me and the worse our marriage got. Don’t be me. Don’t waste your time, youth, and health on someone who thinks like this or expects this and especially if it goes against your belief system and isn’t something you’re ok with compromising on or about yourself. Take it from someone who’s been there, done that, and over it. Now if he decides to come to your place then he’s got to adult there and make his own lunches, and if he gets his own place, he can make his own lunches and clean his own place, unless he’s doing the same things for you. Good luck!
You need to find a real man not some boy still living with mommy and having to clean his room🤣
Boys like this shouldn’t reproduce lol
He wants another mommy. Good luck LMFAO
For dating someone who lives with their parents, absolutely not. For dating someone who has their own place, absolutely not. For a fiance and I live there or there often, yes. To show acts of love, yes. To give appreciation that is received appropriately, yes.
Maintaining your own space be your apartment, house, or bedroom in your parents house is a sign of responsibility. Something you should look for in a partner. I cook, a lot. I cook multiple meals a day, I am constantly cleaning, chasing after kids. It is a wife role and a mother role I wanted. Do not settle or over extend yourself if it makes you uncomfortable.
ignore her old ass “no one will ever be good for my son” bullshit. tell him to stop telling you what she says, and tell her that if he wanted you to help him, he’s a big boy with his own mouth to speak up for himself.
You shouldn’t deal with his mother let him…Or find some one closer to where u live
I wouldn’t if he didn’t live with u…if he lived with me I surely would make his lunch but would not clean up after him …he is a big boy
Uummm…1st of all…why is mommy still packing her son’s lunches and washing his clothes? 2nd of all your not his mommy or his wife YET. Your not there to clean her house or his crap. He can do it himself. Are we an adult or 10? Smh… find a man and family who loves and respects you. Your nobody’s maid. Even my 8 yr old grandson helps with laundry.
I’m going to preface this with the fact that I do not have a good relationship with my mother. That being said…
She had the same Complaints about my husband. When we were first married she would say he’s lazy and doesn’t do yard work (we lived in an apartment) and he has 2 hands and can pack his own lunches. She started talking bad about him where we worked together.
I politely told my mother that he is my husband and the father of her grandchild and not to make me choose because I would choose him. I was happy in my marriage and she needed to mind her business.
Your relationship is yours. If you both are happy and satisfied then she needs to butt out. Period.
You need to get out of this relationship. He’s a momma’s boy. She’s taught him to be dependent on women. He will never be able to take care of himself. If you stay with him you will be complaining he never helps around the house, is always out with his friends while you feel isolated at home with the kids etc.
She wants a replacement mommy for him
Is he 10? Let that boy and his mama go. Find a MAN.
First of all you don’t need to be cleaning his bedroom at mommies house. He’s a grown man still living with mommy, let mommy do it. Girl if you can’t see the red flags all over this… Good luck
Whoa so because u r a partner not a parent to him that’s why she doesn’t like u??
My kids are 11&9 and they pack their own lunches if asked. Clean their own messes and do as they are asked! I am not raising my boys to be waited on hand and foot! While I do for my partner as I would for my kids and anyone else I do because I know they were raised to do so alone!
Yes I clean after my partner he works all day, he also cleans after me! She is setting her son up to FAIL in life
Are you his girlfriend or his maid? Last time I checked maids get paid…
Sounds like it’s time to let his momma have him. You’re not his maid.
Move on. Mommas boy for life.
Number 1, you need to find a man, not a boy that still lives at his parents.
Number 2, he is a man child. You will be adopting another child, not a spouse.
Number 3, how do you think this could possibly work anyway if you only see each other every few weeks?
Number 4, RUN! You and your child do not need the drama! I guarantee if you follow through with this you will be taking care of him and all that comes with him. You will be his new mommy.
You neither live together or are married. How does she expect you to pack his lunch when you only see him a couple times every couple weeks? That is an ignorant reason. Run fast away from the mama’s boy.
Girl, it sounds like you are the grown one and he and his parents are not. Next time she makes some sideway comment like that tell her ‘that’s why he still lives with you because being an adult means you have to do things for yourself’. 
You already feel unwelcome screw it! Don’t let her talk to you that way or throw their expectations on you. I would make sure you have a long engagement because then you will have two kids you have to take care of.
As for the boyfriend tell him unless it’s positive you don’t want to hear anything about his parents.
Tell mom boyfriends don’t get husband or son privileges. You’re not his mom. That’s not your room. And that ain’t a man.
Okkkkk how old is ur boyfriend?? He can clean his own damn room she expects u to cater to him apparently.
Sounds like he needs to stay living with his mama. Sorry but I take care of myself I ain’t about to take care of a grown man. And if he can’t keep private things private without involving his mom he should be in a relationship with her. Just my opinion
The man can make his own lunches, do his own laundry and pick up his room without your help or without you doing it for him. No wonder he is okay with staying with his parents. He gets coddled and things done for him. Must be easy for him.
You are NOT wrong that she is being ridiculous. What would he have done when/if he moved out? Hire a maid because that’s what they are asking you to be to him. I would make my husband lunches and do his laundry because I love him and it helped him out. Not because he couldn’t do it himself or because that’s my role