Needing opinions about gender roles

You are dating a man who lives with his mom… and that mom expects you to clean his room and pack him a lunch :grimacing::joy::joy::joy::joy:. Lawd have mercy, ditch the child and the enabler. You only see this dude a few days a month anyways, BYE.

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You have a lot of complaints, well deserved but maybe it is time to look elsewhere

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Let his Mom have him clean after him and pack his lunch
:sweat_smile:

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Maybe your mommy has an issue with you being with a little boy who lives with his mommy and not on his own like a man. It’s a 2 way street :sunglasses:

If she dont like you then its HER problem and not yours. Some Mothers dont like any girlfriends or wives. Maybe shes scared shes going to lose her baby. But its not your problem, its hers. So dont sweat it. People have issues. Thank the Lord that you dont wake up like her every morning.

Lord Jesus tell me this mama was talkin bout cleaning up messes you/your daughter made in his room, otherwise, Bless her Lil ole heart😂

Sounds like a dumb reason to not like you.

Let his mama clean his room and pack his lunches like the baby he is

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Omg :rofl::rofl::rofl: and hes how old

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Your dating a baby … girl move on this isn’t a future family you wanna be a part of! Smh

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Omg. His mother is ridiculous lol

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She’s the mom she can pack his lunch and clean his room :woman_shrugging:

It is absolutely not your job to help him clean his room in HER house, or even your house if you end up together. WTH? He’s a big boy and can pack his own lunches too. Girl, run. His mom will always be in the middle of your lives if he’s going to tattle everything you say to each other

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Why are you even with a mamas boy that still lives with her… you have worse problems to come.

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Gender roles are bullsh*t and outdated. If he’s a grown man he can do that crap himself. But I will say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and if you all end up living together he’s going to want you to wait on him hand and foot. I’d leave while you still can.

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Run away from that family ASAP. Not worth it. They will never change their delusionals.

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Clean his room in her house? Fuck nah

Not even a legit reason to not like someone. I wouldn’t care.

Grown man lives with his parents and his mother expects you to clean his room and pack his lunch when you are a guest in her home? Girl, don’t walk, run away from that relationship. Your man is a man-child and it’s not going to get better.

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Your dating a child… :woozy_face::woozy_face:

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Tell her to kiss your booty. He is a grown @$$ man he can clean his room and pack his lunch. That’s just ridiculous

And yes I agree with everyone Runnnnn

Sounds like you have a boy not a man

Y’all not married… you can tell he’s a mommas boy leave his goof looking self sis

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Why is your relationship any of her business, especially if he is happy?

That’s a man looking for a Mother only one he can sleep with.

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Your his girlfriend not his mother. If she wants to mother him still and didnt teach him how to do these things for himself, she can go do it.

If I do something for my partner, it is because I want to show them that I care, it isn’t because he or his mother expect me to do it.

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Well why isn’t his momma packing and cleaning?

Sounds like her little boy needs to grow up. You are not his mama and if you start acting like it now, he’s going to expect that from you. Making lunches and cleaning his room are not your “girlfriend duties”. It sounds like his mom is going to push him to find a gf/wife who will baby him. The fact that he told you what his mom said, instead of telling her how ridiculous it was and to back off, speaks volumes.

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Two words " norma bates "

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His mother will be in your relationship FOREVER… he will NEVER stand up to her or defend you… As a REAL MAN should.

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Total bs he’s a grown ass man she shouldn’t expect you to mother him you got a child and don’t need another grown one

https://www.google.com/amp/s/insidexpress.com/lifestyle/woman-refuses-to-move-in-with-her-boyfriend-until-he-learns-some-basic-chores-asks-if-shes-wrong/%3Famp=1 :eyes:

I’d just run

He’s a mammas boy, men pic up after them selves and can pack their own lunches.

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Oh goodness she wants you to be his mommy. You don’t need a child and I hope he doesn’t expect this things from you. You’re supposed to be a partner not his mommy or housemaid. And she will always believe this crap. We live in a world where both partners work most the time and they both should be able to support one another with the cleaning and cooking. You need to have a serious talk with your bf and figure out if he expects you to do these things like his mom expects and see if this relationship should go any farther. WARNING: If he expects it and you continue the relationship you just adopted a man child.

Sounds like you need to get a man and not a boy who listens to his mommy constantly. Girl the only issue in this entire story is that you have a momma’s boy who doesn’t know how to get off her teet and the mom knows it. Let that boy go girl cause it’s not gonna get any better.

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Wow you don’t live together and his mess is his responsibility. If you stay with this guy you better set boundaries and move at least an hour away from his family. Also he should set these boundaries with his mom or leave him. This will not get better. He has to choose you and demand respect for you or you have to let him go.

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No wonder y’all never argue you never see each other. That being said you are not his mother or his maid. And his mother needs to teach him that household chores should be split if you both work. Unless it is something you have talked about and agreed who would do what.

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Do Not Marry this Man…

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What in tarnation?! His mother needs to get a grip. You are is Girlfriend…NOT his mother. Nor is he a child. That sounds like some toxic bs. HE should be packing YOUR lunches and cleaning your place. Not the other way around. That’s some backwoods bullshit right there!

Run from this man…if he is babied this much he will expect it for the rest of his life!

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His a mammas boy you are not his maid if mom doesn’t like it why doesn’t she do it its her son she should have raise him better I’m sorry but if he is not putting you 1st now he never will . and his mom will eventually be the cause of all your problems

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You aren’t his wife! He lives with his mom still. If she wants to continue to coddle him, let her! But have fun with a momma’s boy!

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Tell her clean his room and pack his lunches she’s his mother and he’s living under her roof. She wants you to step into wife role and y’all aren’t even living together and damn sure ain’t married.

Him and his mom can fuck off

I lived this life, and I can tell you that nothing you do will ever be good enough or like his momma does it. And to be honest I married him and moved into his momma’s house ( We Lived in a separate part of the house but shared the kitchen only) and all she did was bit** and nagged that I never did anything when I did, she would even go into our part of the house and scrub our bathroom after me because I didn’t do it up to her standards… It ended up not working out and we divorced a few years later… It’s toxic and I do not recommend going much further in your relationship. If you do he will eventually try to buy the house next door to his mom and tell you that she can be your maid… I truly feel your pain.

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Ummm…:joy::joy: These are NOT girlfriend duties. Tell her if he doesn’t know how to clean his room or pack his own lunch she’s not raising him right and you’re not going to do it for him.

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F that. He’s obviously happy with mamas titty. And mamas obviously happy with it Ike that too. Let him have it.

It is absolutely bs. Are they Latinos btw ? I find that is very common in Latino culture (and other cultures as well, and disclaimer I am Latina so speaking from that experience) they have these ridiculous expectations that the woman ought to do this or that. I’m 42 and came to USA as a 12 yrs old so I didn’t adopt this thinking but I experienced it firsthand with my MIL living with us 7 yrs, like she would get mad :rage: if I didn’t wait hand and foot on my husband. I told her, he’s a grown man and we both will do things in this household, he helps tremendously which is great but she had this crazy expectation and gave me attitude when I didn’t perform as she wished. I laid it out crystal clear that we don’t live in the olden days and things are different. I notice my mom (who also lives with us) will do all these things for my teen son still at home, he’s turning 18 end of this year. I tell her AND him all the time, he better not be expecting any future girlfriend or wife to be doing everything for him and that he needs to pull his own weight and ask what HE can do for someone instead of expecting to have it all done for him by the girl in the equation. I let him know, he’s spoiled by grandma. I don’t do these things for him like she does and remind him he needs to know how to cook, clean and if he plans kids to take care of them too. I wouldn’t want my future daughter-in-law to have to carry the majority of the load at home, it’s not ok. I absolutely would have zero expectations that as a girlfriend, she’s gonna be responsible for coming over to our house and packing lunches and cleaning his room. GTFOH with that thinking is what I would be saying to this lady not in those words :joy: find a respectful way. At the end of the day these things are for you and boyfriend to workout, it’s not her business really, her son in a grown man. He can help himself and he can discuss with you division of labor once you and him live under the same roof.

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Just break up with him. He’s clearly immature and a mama’s boy. That’s not gonna change. Find you a man not a man child

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He’s a spoiled brat that has his mommy do everything and I mean everything for him. He’s lazy. That won’t change unless you either make him do something and get off his ass or just leave him and his mommy can handle it all for him as usual. He won’t ever get a gf acting like that. Lazy men suck!! Does she also hold his hand while he walks down and up the steps? Do better for yourself girl. He can even take care of himself, that’s sad.

Do you want to be his girlfriend/wife or does he need another Mama? I’d tell his mom it’s not YOUR job to clean HIS room or pack his lunch and those apron strings needs to be cut now because once he is with you full time your relationship will be 50/50. She seems to still have him in bubble wrap and if you don’t take a stance with him and her right now before this goes any further you’re going to deal with the overprotective MIL interference syndrome forever which will eventually effect your relationship. Tell her to butt out…in a nice way :woman_shrugging:t3:

First off why would you clean his room or pack his lunch? There is absolutely no way I’d put up with either of them honestly he’s old enough to do for his self. I recommend you run far far away from this child and his mommy

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Girlfriend even if he did that stuff she would still not like you. I do all of that stuff and my mother in law still makes comments

Uhhhh your dating a child apparently…

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You’ve got to be kidding me. I’d tell the whole family to pound sand.

She is my EX MIL for sure. Let’s just say she got in the way of our marriage and it helped end it. You should set boundaries now and make sure they stay that way. Those were some of the same issues with mine, but it was a bunch of BS. She really didn’t like me in general and thought I wasn’t good enough for her son, who still acts like a child to this day. Honestly, set boundaries and just continue to be you. She will never like you, so it’s gonna be like this forever. You just have to see if you want to deal with that forever or move on.

The fact that his mom said that perfectly explains why he still lives with her :woozy_face:

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Get out of the relationship You never make her happy He lives in her house so she she clean up but he is grown man he should do his out cleaning

wow.
if he isn’t sticking up for you now, wonder how that marriage is going to be hahhahah
grow up

Sounds like a potentially toxic environment. Trust me, marriage will not make it better. He’s obviously making excuses for his mother and is looking for her replacement. Let someone else take that job. Like I tell my daughter, “You don’t need a project.”

Girl. Honey. No…. Just no. How old is this man child? Why in the hell would you need to help him clean his room? Or pack his lunches? What is he 5? Lord have mercy sweetheart drop him. Ghost him. Whatever you have to do but stop that relationship quick. That’s absurd and so not even worth the drama. That is an entitled mama’s boy who will expect you to act like his mother instead of a partner and you will have a grown second child. Just no.

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Runnnnnnnnn your bf is a bitch boy mommas boy who if yall get married will expect you to be his stand in mother been there done that don’t do it

I dunno how old ya’ll are but why are you dating a baby who still lives with mommy? Lol

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Bats eyes sweetly at her “I would NEVER try to take over the role of his MOTHER, especially in her own house! That would be entirely inappropriate and disrespectful!” Lols, or ever, really, because I’m interested in a fully capable grown ass adult partner, not a man-child, but if you wanna play the game, sis…

How old are the 2 you. My guess is you both are early 20’s

Sounds like you’re dating a child lol

You are his girlfriend not his mom or maid. You don’t have to help him keep his room clean at mommy’s house. If you decide to wash his clothes that he left at your house, that’s fine. But even then you don’t have to.

:star2: Momma Boy :star2: if you don’t get out now it will get worse then you’ll be working and doing housework and raising kids while he goes to work comes home and sits on his behind while you do everything

My kids dad most certainly was a man child, like even at 20 at his moms, she would walk to his room, ask.him.if.he was hungry, walk.all.the way to.the kitchen make.him.a.sandwich and bring it to him then pour him a drink and bring it to him then he would call out to her he was done and she would come back take his plate and cup and bring it back to the kitchen and then do.his laundry as well. Shes doing that still for her other son who is almost 21. We were together almost 6 years and it took 2 years living together for him to actually start pulling his own weight ans even then it was a constant constant struggle, had to leave him once for him.to truly get the picture. Im not his mom and if he wanted me to act like his mom he can move back in with her. Well sadly even living together for over 4 years and 2 kids later its still.been a huge thing in our relationship, eventually I left and took our kids with me, I now live with my boys myself and he does not, and now he tells me he regrets a huge list of things but its far too late for that. I doubt he will get any better and since you guys don’t live together or have kids or anything like that I suggest you run and run fast, it ain’t going to get better and him and his mom are pieces of S***

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Here’s the thing about relationships; what works for one couple may not work for the next and vice versa and that’s perfectly acceptable. If you and your boyfriend are happy and your life works just fine, then that’s all that matters; regardless of what his mom says. My husband and I have a very traditional marriage that we both love and flourish in. We both come from very culturally different backgrounds. Their opinion used to bother me until I took a step back and really looked at their relationship, how they spoke to each other, how happy they actually were, how they interacted with one another and I found that my husband and I were much better off just letting them vent their opinions. People tend to forget that acknowledgement without acceptance is a real thing. We have 5 boys, we’ve been married forever and I wouldn’t trade a single day of our relationship. His family will still often times make comments about our way of life, but I just remind them that what works for us doesn’t work for everyone and we’re okay with that, even if they aren’t. It literally takes the fight out of it without being confrontational. Good luck and don’t feel like you need to change your relationship with your boyfriend to make someone else happy if you guys are working together just fine.

I’d tell you he lives under her roof not yours so therefore she’s responsible for packing his lunch and making his lunches, shit she’s still on mommy duty! :rofl::rofl:

Seriously though I’d run for the hills and not look back!!

Are you dating a man or little boy? Sounds like his mom expects you to baby him like she does. Ask her if she thinks it’s ok if he packs your lunch or help clean your place when he’s around. That should tell you all you need to know.

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She is probably one of those toxic boy moms. You can try to remedy the situation maturely but chances are the mom will never be welcoming. She will expect you to take care of him like you are his mother. She sees you as a threat because she wants her son for herself.

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Sounds like you got yourself a Mama’s boy there. The fact the he still lives with his parents and allows his mother to still make his lunch and tidy his room just confirms it. Maybe you should think about finding a Man that is self sufficient. Real men are capable of taking care of themselves in every way. He should be embarrassed of himself

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My mom always told me.

Be careful how you choose to be in the beginning of a relationship because that’s how they will expect you to be fir the entire time.

Meaning I don’t take care of him like he is incompétent or a child. No lunches, no laundry, nothing to baby him.

Been together 10 years.

I would just tell her that you respect her views on the matter and her choice to Cather to her family

But you will not. You want a team player and a man, who wants children with someone who can’t even do his fair share??

Choose carefully… I would even ask myself if my boyfriend is a good match for me… dies he expect it? Will it blind side you after marriage?

In laws… they are also an important part of a marriage. Choose carefully what kind of life and issues you want to deal with forever.

I have 2 sons. I hope to be a decent mother in law one day. :grimacing:

You need to let that little boy go. I had a marriage like this and it was MISERABLE. He couldn’t make a decision without his mother’s opinion thrown in and she controlled everything he did. I should have walked away when I realized his mother controlled his life, but I thought I could save him from that. I was so wrong and spent almost 9 years miserable. Find a real man who can stand on his own.

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Definitely a mommas boy. Or a momma that don’t want him to move out cause I have a MIL that’s similar but she claimed I took her son away from her when he’s the one that said he was moving with me I didn’t even ask him too but we knew if he didn’t we definitely wouldn’t have a chance at making our relationship work cause she would do whatever she could to keep us from seeing each other but we just celebrated our 8th anniversary on the 14th & as of last year around Christmas we haven’t had anything to do with her due to all the toxicity she was bringing to our relationship due to how she talked to me & then when I told my husband she would deny it & say I was lying. But there was also a lot more to it that she has done/said to me or about me plus making statements like she didn’t wanna watch or keep our youngest son just because he acted to much like his dad. But honestly with how he’s making excuses for her behavior I would say he’s a momma boy cause obviously he doesn’t see what she is doing wrong… if you’ve tried talking to him & he keeps making excuses for everything she does or says id say you need to get out of that relationship cause it will only get worse.

His mom is wrong! :woman_facepalming:

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That is NOT your job. You are not his mommy, and even if he was your child he’s grown. I would find out how much of a mommas boy he is. You don’t want to waste your time with that drama.

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If he can’t stand up to his mom, then dump him. And do it quickly while you have the nerve.

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How old is everyone in this scenario? Because I feel like that’s key info.

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I think you know the answer. You’re not his mom. It’s not your job to pack his lunch or clean his room.

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He is a grown man. Why would she expect that ?

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So, you have a child already right? This guy seems like another one. Move on and find a man.

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It’s only going to get worse if that’s what she expects now and yall arent married. I couldn’t imagine what his expectations would be once yall move in together

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MIL is toxic as Hell and petty. She needs to allow her son to grow up and take care of himself. Unless we are married I am not packing HIS lunch or helping him.clean HIS room. She is refusing to let go and expects you to.step into Mommy mode not Girlfriend Mode…Boyfriend needs to stand up if he wants you in his life. The whole we should show her how it feels to be unwelcome…ummm is she 2. Cause I was 2 the last time I used tit for tat.

You’re his girlfriend, not his mum. If he can’t stand up to his mum, get rid. You don’t need a man child.

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The 1950’s called and they want their gender role conformity back, the MIL apparently did a poor job teaching responsibility to her son so she blames you for not doing Leave it to Beaver patriarchal assignments

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I would not be with him if this is how his family react when you guys are not even married and either way a mother being upset with you cause your not her sons maid is a cop out. And I’m sorry I wouldn’t be with someone if they feel that way or agree with the mother. Why doesn’t he live on his own?

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You’re dating a boy that still lives with his mama. He’s mama’s boy who hasn’t cut the umbilical cord. Ladies stop messing with man that live with their damn mother… First clue to run. Get a man not some boy

Walk away the family sounds nutty as fuck . U are not your boyfriends slave .

You are his girlfriend not his replacement mother

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Is the mom still cleaning his room and packing his lunch?

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Mamma you need to be dating a man, not a boy that lives at home with his mommy.

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I would inform her, and him, that you aren’t taking him to raise, he’s supposed to be your partner, not another child to take care of. If he can’t/ won’t stand up to his mommy he isn’t worth the time and effort you will waste waiting for him to stand up to her.

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He’s a spoiled momma boy and if you don’t wait on him hand and foot it still won’t be good enough and fyi he is going to expect / want /demand that kind of treatment and won’t raise a finger to help you

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Dump him and the mom. Run! He is a manchild. I am assuming his mom still caters to him and he will expect you to do the same.

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Oh god… he can stay with his mother :face_vomiting:

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Umm ur his partner, if I made my partner his lunch for work its because I had the time and could (or we had a huge row and bow imma jerk so I gotta make it some way) wither way it’s not expected he’s a grown ass man he can take care of his own ass, he still lives with mom tells me either you oth are young or he’s that immature he’s still getting his ass wiped for him. Your a mom stop acting like a love lust teenager ffs.