So, I have 3 children, one who has down syndrome and would be so grateful if other moms who are raising multiple children including one with a disability could give me a little advice in raising a child with special needs along with a child that does not. I would be so grateful for any advice given. Thank you
I have 3 kids my youngest is autistic. It can be a struggle and trying to manage tome with kids is hard. But try doing a schedule. To spend time with your other kids. Im pretty sure you have a lot of appointments to go to. Also just remember to take a step back and breathe and always find a little time to yourself
I don’t have advice from a mom’s perspective. From the children’s perspective though I was the special needs child, and my sister grew up feeling invisible? Like she got attention and love but when it came to her mental health she went neglected, because I made her look like she was ok since my problems were so bad.
So I just wanna say make sure you pay attention to the other kid too, and never compare their struggles to each other’s. Make sure you give the non disabled child the same energy just in the way they need.
I hope this isn’t offensive. I’m in no way saying you are or would do that. I just wanted to mention it JIC the perspective was useful.
I have 6 kids- 1 with Down syndrome, and 1 with autism and other medical conditions. I have no big advice.
My biggest help has been to set a timer and spend at least 20 minutes each day with the kids. I know that sounds silly but it works for us, for now. And when the timer dings, it’s the timer saying time is up, not me. Some days I have a lot longer than 20 minute for each child too. Some days are so busy with appts, that is all I can do. And take it one day at a time. I find when I plan ahead, my expectations of myself, are higher.
There’s a Facebook support group called Downsyndrome support for mothers! They are a wonderful group with lots of experience!!!
I have 4 kids ages 10,5,4,3. My 4 and 3 year old are both non verbal and on the autism spectrum and my two oldest kids are neurotypical. Please inbox me if you want I’m open!
I have a deaf child. I involved my other children in everything for my special needs child. They lived learning sign language and going to therapies and appointments. Just include them. It’s so hard. My other children get dates with me one on one. They pick what we do and it’s SO good for us. Undivided attention when possible will mean the world to them.
I have 3 kids, oldest has mod/severe autism. I just do my best, like any mom lol. We make sure to spend time with each of them, and that we foster ALL of their likes and interests. My middle gets to skip school to support his older brother in special Olympics every year, and we will all be going to his (the middle kiddos) t-ball games this summer to support him. My youngest is a toddler so he kind of gets all of the attention right now haha. I just raise them all as I would if my oldest didn’t have extra needs, and we adapt where we need too.
I think the disability part matters less than the part where you have more than one kid. All kids are different and when you have more than one you’re always going to have to treat them differently raise them differently and they’re always going to need different things
I had 4, one special needs, got divorced when my son was 3mts…my kids and mon helped alot, I worked for usps, lots of patients, putting alit of time into your kids, I didn’t remarry, focus on raising my kids, now my 40 year son special needs lives with me, he goes to adult dayhab to have friends and go in coummity 3 days a week, my other 3 girls have good husbands and I have 5 grandkids l, so stay the course…lots of dr appts…my so has a funny sense of humor, at dayhab they say he’s a big teddy bear…
I’m sorry mama! Raising kids is HARD! Have you looked into therapy for your son? Seen s behavioral therapist?
Are you able to work while they are in school?
Are they in school or are you homeschooling them and I recommend seeing a counselor for your depression and a physciatrist so you can get on an anti depressant if you aren’t already taking something that is im so sorry your feeling this way
Sorry to say but you’ve overdone it and tried compensating them both with material things. I’m smack an ass for swearing at me. Obviously there is no consistency.
Her needs to be told the truth most kids have way more than they need
Oh hun it’s hard to raise kids they are expensive and appreciate little but that can be a learned behaviour (as in while they age you teach them the value of money and things and how to appreciate the little they have) remember for kids an outing can include going to the park it doesn’t have to always be the really big outings my 8, 6 and 4 year olds have been as happy after a day at the beach (the local one includes water games, areas for just about all the sports you can think of, jungle gym, and a nature walking trail) we’ve done scavenger hunts in the woods before… they love it as much as the days we go to the zoo or water park. We often put way more pressure on ourselves then ours kids ever could! Your struggling now but you won’t always sometimes a part time job away from the kids or an outing with friends is enough to put our thoughts back in the right place! I am fully confident you are capable and loved by your kids!! Big hugs from one struggling mom to another
Smacking your child is child abuse.
Raising kids is hard. They aren’t appreciative until they get older. Stand your ground though, don’t let them push you over.
They’re both in school now. Get a job.
And stop hitting your son. Damn.
Love is priceless mama. You’re doing incredibly.
Get a job! Not only will it help financially, it will help mentally. Sometimes we need a break from the kids and some away time is helpful.
Um get a job. Single parents cannot be stay at home parents. And bad behavior is learned. Theyve learned this from somewhere.
They are kids, they aren’t going to be appreciative. Make them pick up their toys, and stop spoiling them!
Try to include more free things like the library and the park. Look for free events on here. I think a lot of us are financially strapped. You’re definitely not alone!
Out of curiosity, how on earth do you support yourself? Have you considered working now that they’re both school aged?
Can I ask how you afford to stay at home being single raising 2 kids. My husband & I both work full time, 6-7 days a week… my husband works 12 hours a day some day’s and we barely make ends meet and we are very frugal with our spending. We don’t spoil our kids… only birthdays & holidays
Try getting away & working outside the home
Sit down with your son what is bothering him!
Look into Positive Parenting Solution.
You showed them a friend side put your foot down and take your house back they will fall in line but you have to stay stern
Spanking is not abusive. I mean just spanking not beating. I would definitely get that kid under control that curses at you. If you take that from him now then what do you think he’s going to do when he gets older ? It will get alot harder. Start punishment on him.
Instead of buying them things, make memories. Make a fort in the living room and have movie night, then let them sleep in it. Pack a picnic and go to one of your favorite outdoor places to eat. Have a game night or maybe go on a hike. You’d be surprised at what activities can do for behavioral issues and depression. Kids don’t appreciate things when they’re always getting, but they do appreciate time spent with them. 10 years from now, they won’t be asking if you remember a certain toy you got them, but they will be saying remember when we did this?
I bet a job would help.
Give them money. Assign chores for a certain amount. ($5. 00 to vacuum. For example) This enables them to not only contribute but they can also learn to save up for what they want. They may even gain a little respect when they realize it’s not as easy as it looks to work ( go to school) cook, clean etc. And when the respect is there & they’re a little short of their goal to purchase something they want, and you have it… you can reward them by giving them the difference. Good luck.
￼ you spoiled them without teaching them discipline & respect, so now you need to unspoil them and teach them discipline and respect.
The problem lays with you meaning you are equating material things to love. ￼ and you were teaching your kids that. Start doing activities that has nothing to do with buying them things to show them you love them. ￼￼
What about sensory play? We do ours with stuff we already have. I saved a cardboard box from my little girls diapers and put some washable paint on it then let my son drive his trucks through it then after that we make a “car wash” which is just a clear tote with soap and water and I give him some of my bigger plastic spoons and a cup and rag to wash them all off. People use things like rice and dye it, shaving cream, cheap stuff you could pick up at dollar tree, dyed spaghetti noodles stuff like that. It’s really helped a lot with my 4 year old acting out. Not sure how it would be since yours are a little older but maybe you could give it a try.
Stay at home mom and no support from the father, I’m not sure how you’ve been able to spoil them. But I agree with others to start doing more activities rather than things given to them. And give them more responsibility around house with chores and when they are in school you should be doing things to bring more money into the house since you’re struggling
I feel you I raised 3 on my own plus always worked full time. I have no car so when they were small after work run to their sports. I only had one day off Sundays. Your not a cramps mom it’s just hard. Your doing a good job reaching out. I think all moms single or not feel this way. Let them earn it. Make memories and most importantly let them help you in the house but in a fun way. My kids are alot older eldest almost 21. The big mouth will always remain🙄 and teenagers ughh but we laugh we cry we argue but most importantly we believe in eachother. Good luck and hang in there you got this!
We all have these moments, espeically as single parents. When my kids were small we went to the park ALL THE TIME, but since we live in Minnesota that really isn’t always possible in the dead of winter. I had to get creative in ways that I could afford.
Seriously, I added food coloring to pancakes and to spaghetti noodles to make silly dinners. We did movie afternoons/nights where we got all of our blankets and pillows into the living room, I made popcorn and we watched movies. I took out construction paper and we cut and glued for hours making monsters that decorated the wall of the living room. I guess you could say I turned my brain into a pre-K teacher and filled our time with simple activities that were cheap!
My kids are now 13M and 18F and they still talk about the green pancakes or the popcorn chains we’d build for no reason at all. They talk about digging for worms after the rain or going for nature walks and finding leaves that we would later seal between wax paper.
I wasn’t Super Mom, I was inventive Mom. You simply have to change the focus on doing THINGS and rather making things…making memories, crafts, and whatever else comes to mind.
It’s time to connect and parent with Understanding. Connection then correction. High Impact has great resources.
All behavior is communication.
How do you have money and don’t work? Teach me your hustle because I break my back for mine
Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Doing it alone is crazy tough. I was a single teen mom for 5 years.
All you can do is your best. Kids don’t need things they need love, guidance, compassion and kindness. Kids struggle with emotional regulation and if you are to they don’t have a source to learn from. There’s lots of online self help available in this arena. Try to be patient and communicate with them when there’s outbursts. Explain its ok to feel any emotion they feel but that lashing out at you or anyone isn’t the right way to handle it. Give them alternatives to deal with these emotions. Go easy on yourself. You can’t do more than your best.
Your children are school age so summers I get being broke ( daycare is expensive) although from what I read …Stay at home mom / no help from dad . So this must mean that you’re on assistance of some kind . Government funding living , so of course you’re broke . I get it . Many many people are . School starts soon , maybe finding work and an affordable after school program is an option . That way it’s regular money coming . Kids are fully provided for .
I have a 17,14,12 and 2 year old . I don’t want my son in daycare due to the fact he can not say full sentences yet . So I found a job suited to my family .
I drive school bus. I can legally take my baby with me on the bus for my routes . I also have the day to myself and still making money .
Unless you have some hardcore disability that’s legitimately stopping you from working , there’s really no reason as to why you aren’t .
Not being mean , just stating facts
Well no 5 or 6 yr old will ever understand the concept of money. You are allowing children dictate your emotions. As a mom I know it’s hard but literally stop beating yourself up. And a kid swearing as you. Absolutely not!!! He already feels entitled obviously so stand your ground and break that now or it’s gonna be way worse in teen years even adult years!
They need your time and attention not things . Also , take away privileges or favorite toys when discipline is needed . One of mine hated when I took away computer or game system and tv . Also , this may seem awful but I washed his mouth out with soap once when he cussed at me . Took care of that ! I just put a little soap on his tongue. Please demand respect now . When the kids get bigger than you ( and boys will ) , you will need this under control . Also , therapy for why child is acting out . Mine finally cried and cried and told me he wished he had a daddy . Broke my heart
How are you a single stay home mom? Like who pays your bills?
How have you been able to be a stay at home mom ?? Even if you get assistance it’s not much from what I understand . To answer your question you’ve been parenting out of guilt . Not judging you at all btw. But now you have to put your foot down and take away everything from
Them when they are disrespectful . And cursing at you ? Holy hell if I swore at my father at any age I’d be six feet under
Spoiling them is not the issue. They need to be taught empathy, compassion, to work for what they want, to appreciate what they do get, to help others. Do you have them volunteer? Do things for others who may not be able to do for themselves?
Your kids are in school now.
Its time to get a job.
You disrespect your son by assaulting him & expect him to respect you? He’s learning from example Mum. Wait until he’s a teen. He’ll be bigger, stronger. Instead of be words hell disrespect you by smacking you just as you taught him.
Sounds like your son might need to see what it’s like to NOT always get what he wants. Things are expensive and making ends meet are becoming harder every day for all of us. The kids aren’t going without and they will survive it just fine
First of all before it’s too late teach then that treats and fun isn’t always about getting new stuff and going out to eat
Is he adhd or autistic?
You need to sit down with them and establish ground rules now. They can help. Write them down post on wall. You can even write consequences and rewards down. However instead of confronting everything that’s happening at once, work on 1-2 things at a time. They are still very young, consistency is key! Your modeling as a parent is huge, the people they socialize with including family as well. Also spend QUALITY time with them every day. You can try individually or together. But at very least start with 15 min a couple times a day with them leading the play and aim to lengthen that if possible.
It’s hard I know it all too well….I also have to practice these
some kids need it.
anyway, now that he’s of school age, get a job. even if it’s part time. savings/inheritance/benefits only last for so long.
Raising kids isnt just about buying what they want when they want it. Spoiling your kids with love is one thing and spoiling with money is something else. Its teaching them to do stuff as a family respecting listening helping. You can buy them stuff but not everything they want when they want it. Your the parent. Their teacher in life to teach them respect what is right from wrong. If they want something they need to earn it. Eg: homework school grades chores around the house etc. If you just buy so they have everything and not let them understand respect help family then you will get a child that chucks tantrums or swears and worse hitting you. I know its hard being a single mom but that is more tjat you need to teach them from young age as you dont have help from their dad.
File for support from the father/s if you haven’t, stop giving them everything seriously it seems like giving our kiddos everything they ever want is a good idea but it just makes them feel entitled to whatever they want, the cursing and stuff they picked that up from somewhere whether it’s something you do or another family member or friend. At this age think up some family rules for your house and be strict with them. They will learn just like they’ve already learned their current behaviors.
Spoiling a kid is not a bad thing, but you have to make sure that you are raising them to be appreciative and not greedy, you know to be happy if you can buy them a toy from Walmart as same if the toy is from the dollar tree:).
Also it’s important to teach them that even if we have the money we can not always have what we want , saying not and ask them to wait until “ you have the money “ it’s important too , when I can’t afford to buy something my daughter wants she has not problems with waiting even for her birthday or Christmas if is something expensive.
About the discipline and swearing from your kids , that is completely on you , if you allow your kid to disrespect you once they will keep doing it and will only gets worse. Take things away , stop taking them places until they get you the respect you deserve.
Buying all they want doesn’t make you a better mom , cooking with them, playing with them , having a movie night every week are more important, as long as they have a place to live and food to eat you are NOT FAILING as a mom
You’re not a bad mom bc you can’t buy extra things for your kids. Discipline is difficult and different for every parent and for every kid. What works for one may not work for the other one. Parenting is hard and you’re doing the best you can. Maybe look into having him see a pediatric psychologist they could possibly get to the root of why he’s acting how he does and give you and him both tools on how to deal with his behaviors.
How are you able to give them everything they wanted and be a great provider as a single stay at home mother?
Have them earn outings. Parks are fun. Picnics are fun as well. Take a soccer ball or some kind of interactive tool to help.
If popping his bottom doesn’t work look for other alternatives. I put my step daughter in time out and she begged me to get out saying I could spank her ,she didn’t care. . That alone told me time out was the perfect punishment for her. Kids are all different, discipline will not be the same for each. Learn what is their favorite toy do you will know to remove it for groundings. If they don’t earn things they won’t appreciate Anything. Nor will they learn respect for you or property. Have them earn dollars to teach respect of money. God bless.
Your son swears at you and doesn’t listen to you because there wasn’t a father around to put him in his place.
Stop spoiling them for only 5&6 your teaching them to be entitled go to a park where it’s free to have fun or the beach or take a hike bit everytjing in life has to cost money let them appreciate nature instead of spoiling.
Time to get a job while there in school
They want somethings, make them earn it! Rewards don’t always have to be $. It can be going out to a movie once a month, or doing things together. Going to a park, pool, hike.
They want to be disrespectful, send them to there room. They break stuff, they buy it with their $. Whether you have to now sell it on fb to replace it, etc.
Kids live by example. It is challenging as I have 3 of them. But it’s a balance, juggling act. You can do it! Tell them they need to help out. Pick up after themselves, help with the laundry, cleaning, dishes whatever.
They need logical consequences to their behaviors. No TV, no games, time out in their room until they apologize & correct their behavior.
Let them choose their rewards so they are incentivized. Write them down & tape it to the wall. So they have a visual reminder. Draw pictures, print them off, etc.
How are you supporting them as a stay a home mom? They are school age now so you will be able to work
Stop buying them stuff. What they’ll remember is the quality time you spend with them
My husband decided to spoil our 4 kids because he was raised with money. I came from a very low class family so we didn’t have a lot of money. We together make ok money. I told him when we started having kids that we weren’t spoiling them because they would grow up spoiled brats. Now they are 15,13,12,10 and think there entitled to everything. My husband is regretting spoiling them they way I begged him not to. So now they get mad when they don’t get there way or want they want. But they are slowly learning that money doesn’t grow on tree and that when they want something the have to earn it. I am glad that your children are still young enough to learn that lesson. Mine not so much and I wished I would’ve put my foot down to my husband from the start. They will get there. My mom always said I am your mother not your best friend and you will do as you are told if not we can find a punishment that will make you learn a lesson. She used to make us clean the floors with a tooth brush. She grew up a military brat so when we got in trouble she would make us work our ass off
Maybe find another single mom near you to trade babysitting so you can get a break! This will also help w/ your resolve to handle your children’s issue. Also, try to talk matter-of-factly w/ your older children… sometimes it is surprising how much they’ll understand if you have this convo with them. Good luck❣️
They NEED to know theres consequences to their actions!! They swear misbehave etc start by taking away 1 of their fave things! DONT give in till you get an apology n you HAVE to be CONSISTENT so as EVERYTIME they misbehave take something away- toy tv outside whatever it is - theyll scream be brats etc but hey they gotta learn * YOU.* are BOSS NOT them!! Time out all these things are good to do I KNOW how hard ut is DONT fret about material things itll cont to enforce bad behavior! They NEED to learn their NOT gonna get everything they want & see! Thats perfect storm for rotten brats!!!You do what you can do! Were pretty much all feeling this financial nightmare!! Hang in there your not alone!!
Not sure how old ypur kids but unless they under 6
Showing thematic budget works sometimes
How much money per month
Budget for mortgage or rent
List everything list your incoming monies
Show them how much is left for luxuries like sports…etc
If u are 0 left u have 0 left
If u do without things so they can have put that it Minot being mean just be realistic
Spoiling them because you have guilt will have no benefit. The most valuable thing you can provide them is free. Your love, kindness, guidance, and care
So a 5 & 6 year old would be at school " so go find a job & stop spoiling the kids make them earn pocket money " toughen up on them "
You are not a SAHM and providing for them yourself. The money you spend was not earned. They don’t respect you because YOU don’t respect you. Instead of parenting you’re bribing them. They’ve gotten wise to it.
File for child support today!! You didn’t have those babies on your own. The money is going to be used on them. Be wise.
How are you a SAHM with no $?
Get a job. File for CS. I’m not sure why this is even a post.
How are you a SAHM with no financial help and give your kids everything they want? I want that job!
I’ve had six children and no they didn’t have a lot of “things”, however they had lots of love, walks to the park, picnics, bike rides, pool out back, games, drawing, coloring, reading and not much TV time. All my children are advanced for their age and 5 out of 6 went to college. I worked nights so I didn’t have to do daycare. But parenting is wonderful…but we have to remember, They Are our Future and I taught them that with a lot of respect.
How are u a single parent but stay at home?
Create experiences with kids.cook together.write their stories and make a book play make believe do a craft.give if yourself they will remember for a long time.i cut my kids sandwich on the diaganol to let them know they were special and I also had to go to work so it’s possible
think about this the next time you vote
Presence not presents! Too young to be running you, shouldn’t at any age. Sounds like these little kiddies need to learn a few limitations.
How is a 5 and 6 year old cussing/swearing at their Mom? Where are they learning those words from since you’re a single mom and they are only around you taking full time care of them. Maybe I read it wrong
There are tons of crafts you can do with them that cost very little to do. Also, at this age teach them responsibility. Have them pick up after themselves and do things around the house that they can help with. Help with the dishes, cook together (have them help snap green beans, stir batter, etc.) With everything going up in price… we have to think outside the box. As for the potty mouth… that is definitely something you’ll want to nip in the bud right away. Take away favorite toys, time outs in the corner or on a chair away from whatever activity you’re doing… but where you can see them. If they get up or out of the corner… they just add more time in there. They have to earn extra special outings or toys etc. with good behavior. That’s just some of the advice I have.
Sounds like you need a vacation and a fresh start.
Well one thing is to work on your happiness too. A burnt out mum doesn’t help. Also I practically raised my brothers and many of their fave memories weren’t material or outside the free stuff. One brother remembers that I did a movie night. Every Saturday one kid could pick 2 movies. Then I would have a good item we could make together. One time I taught each one by one how yo make popcorn on the stove. Then let them put whatever they wanted on it. Spices, sprinkles etc. Every time we talk about fave memoriea he brings it up. This was well over 20 years ago memories- not stuff will help with your relationship with them too. Good luck
How can you afford to be a stay at home mom? The children should be in school at this age. Get a job with mom hours. Show them a strong woman who works for a living. Teach them to be responsible for helping to keep the home, neat and tidy. Teach them about manners and kind behavior.
The best thing is just for you to be there for them. Alot of material things aren’t love so be there for them thru thick and thin is the best you can provide for them.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Be thankful their basic needs are provided for and learn how to live within your financial means
To those saying get a job, it’s possible op is a SAHM with an at home job. It’s also possible mom is disabled. The woman’s asking for help, not judgment. None of us get it all right and should remember that. Single moms are notorious for over compensating, I’ve been there. It doesn’t make a single mom bad for feeling like she should be doing more where absent parent or extended family is lacking.
How can you be a stay at home mom and buy them stuff all the time? There must be a system here somewhere. Where is preschool and kindergarten come in at?
What does your daily routine look like? Kids thrive on structure and yours are old enough to be given some responsibilities around the house, with rewards for good behavior that don’t have to be expensive.
It sounds like to me that you’re spoiled them rotten and now you’re paying the price with the disrespecting you which is never good if you let them disrespect you they won’t respect anybody
Julia Ross-Golen This confused me too. Yep. The children are school aged.
School job a disciplined lifestyle for each of you
Why is it that ALL OF YOU seem to think this woman doesn’t have a job? People work from HOME too!
I’m lost trying to figure out how you are a stay at home mom, not working, but have been able to provide for your little ones with no help. First, your children are too young to be talking to you with anything but respect. Demand it! Don’t take any crap from them. Your not their friend, you are their parent. Do not let them disrespect you. You are right that kids clothes cost more and will continue to cost more the older they get. It’s ok to seek help from their dad. Its worth taking him to court for. Don’t feel guilty…its his kids too.