Not sure if I want to have more kids because I love my son so much, how do you decide?

My son was an only child for his first 6 years. And yes! we all loved it that way. But I thought the best thing I could do for HIM…was to give him a sibling. Someone he can relate to in his teenage and older years. They’re now 21, 27. They rarely see eye-to-eye. But they have things in common like sports and parents. And when dealing with parents you NEED the other sibling.
Opening xmas presents with your sibling is the best!!!

I’m going to be 42 with #2 on the way. Our son is 4 and will be 5 after she is born. We decided that we wanted out son to be potty trained and a little bit more self sufficient then when he was 2…that’s when I was thinking about another. We didn’t want two kids in diapers or in a day care at all. I really wanted my son to having a sibling as my boyfriend is an only child and I feel it was hard on him when his mom passed away. He didn’t have that sibling to talk to. I also dont want to leave my son alone in this world Incase anything was to happen to us. You need to do what is best for you and your family.

Your heart gets bigger.
I waited 18 years between mine cuz I wanted to be able to give them everything.
I love them both equally and differently. My son’s sense of humor is amazing and i love that about him.

My daughter has this amazing brain and i love that about her

Your heart grows. When you look at your son and cant imagine loving anyone more
Imagine that feeling even bigger.

But its hard because it’s even more of your heart walking around outside your body

He’s not your best friend though.

I didn’t want another boy cos I thought that I couldn’t share my love for my son with another son sounds crazy so I found out with my second what I was having to be told it was another boy. The poor woman has provably never seen someone so disappointed over the sex of her baby not gonna lie I was gutted to start with, I convinced myself it was a girl, however was taught a major lesson that day, my little ones measurements didn’t add up and turned out he had gastroschisis! At that point I didn’t care if he came out 5 heads 10 arms and legs as long as my boy was gonna be ok. A hard lesson learnt and still feel guilty to this day about it. Nothing never goes how we want it to or expect it to be like.

Having a second baby won’t take that away. It will just add to it… And I’m not real sure how healthy that is. We are parents. Not friends. What you described should be your partner.

After I had my first, I thought that there was no way on God’s green earth that I could EVER love another child as much as I love her. I thought that all the way through my pregnancy with my second, UNTIL, they put my son on my chest and I looked at him​:heart: All my doubt was GONE, all the fears I had that I never would be able to love another child like I do my first was GONE!! I now have 5 children. I love every single one of them the same! They are all different(obviously) but the love i have for each one of them is as unwavering as the other​:heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

First of all your 2 year old is not your best friend.
Now, that being said I understand having that great bond, all of my kids were 3 years apart, I have 3 and none of them had an issue, the key is inclusion and explaining at their level. They’re not going to feel slighted because they have a sibling. You will still have a great relationship with them.

2 to 3 years apart is a good span. Don’t wait 8 years because that’s too far apart in age. They may not be close in the relationship. I am 48 and all my kids are off doing their own thing. I didn’t want to be older and have kids. Mine are all 3 years apart. It worked out good.

I say go for a second child. You don’t want your son to take care of you alone in your old age. My papaw used to say that if you have a kid you have to have a second so the first has someone to play with, then you need a 3rd to be the tie breaker and a 4th so it’s even lol

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Following because I feel this same way.

They adapt quickly!!

Dont…lol…Get your sleep back :joy:

It seems impossible but you will feel and want the same with your next child when you have him or her …its totally your choice but know a moms always has room for more

I have 7 siblings, wouldn’t change them for the world. My sisters are some of my best friends xx

Honestly wish I would have stuck with one. Love both the same. But having to start all the way over and what not… not for me! Lol

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Mt husband and I want our kids close together. So we started trying for second and final baby this week. Our son is 6 months old.

Well if you’re like me you will still have a favorite kid…if not you will have a bigger heart and love one kid as much as two or ten🤷

Baby cooks for 8 months

Don’t do it until you’re ready.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/not-sure-if-i-want-to-have-more-kids-because-i-love-my-son-so-much-how-do-you-decide/13913

Have more kids. Your child should not be your best friend. You are his parent. Plus think about how much more love will be in your family with more kids. He will have siblings to grow up with! Enjoy the whole experience.

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Oh mama, your second will show you that you don’t lose space in your heart, you gain it. Your love grows.
If you have any desire to have another, do it :heart:
You’ll be giving your son the gift of potential nieces, nephews, etc. and their kids could be cousins. It’s so much more than just you and him. :heart:

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As a boy mom I also feel this but now I’m due with #2 and he will be here in about six weeks. My 3.5 year old who is attached to my hip couldn’t be more excited about taking on the role of big brother and helping me take care of his little brother. I have such a special bond with my first born but I feel that including him as much as possible has really helped with becoming ready for #2 to get here.

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I have an only child and she is a lonely child. She always tells me that she wishes she had siblings to grow up with and talk to, etc. I wish I would have had another child because when something happens to me and her dad she has no one.

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We waited 8 years after our first to have our second, at 37 years old :woman_shrugging: I love the age gap and we were able to really focus on our first before the next came. He is old enough to understand the changes that have happened and is so helpful. To each their own tho!

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I felt the same way my entire second pregnancy. My daughter (second child) filled a place i didnt know was empty. They are 2.5 years to the day apart. I wouldnt change it.

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I waited until my son started school at 5 to try again and same when we decided to have our 3rd my 2nd kid was a year away from starting school. That’s when I knew I could handle another kid and also both kids got time with me alone before a new baby came but everyone is different

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I have no regrets on my one child…

Personal choice…

Pros and cons

She is amazing at 26

We were able to enjoy her

Reading
Playing
Total attention
Great obx extended family vacations

She has a good job…

Hopefully she will start PhD program next year.

She lives in a metropolitan city about seven hours from us. We talk at least a few minutes everyday…

We never had a lot of money…

If I could have comfortably been able to be a stay at home mom, maybe another one…?

I talk to her everyday…
Always told her…
We got it right the first time…

Got the best one

So we were done…

:wink::two_hearts::dizzy:

Personally no way I could love another child as much as I love her…

Might make me shallow🤦‍♀️

Still the truth
I would have always compared another child to her!!!

They would never have measured up-
Also her dad and I talked about it prior to marriage-

One little girl… we hoped beyond hope…
Tada!!!
:dizzy::dizzy::dizzy::dizzy::dizzy::dizzy:

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Boy mom of two boys 20 months apart. 2 and 4 right now. My oldest is a total Momma’s boy. I worried. You love that little human so much you worry it won’t be fair to another. But it is. Your heart expands. I love both of my boys and they adore each other. You can’t imagine the feeling of seeing them play together or help each other. They are honestly best friends.

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My first two are 20 months apart! I felt the same way when my oldest was my only but i prepared him and told him he was having a baby brother and let me tell ya ! That little boy was EXCITED! He was so excited to be a big brother and help with bottles and diapers ! He used to climb in the bassinet every morning to kiss “his baby” ! And we still got to do special things together and spend time together especially as the little one was small still since he napped a lot more frequently ! Now i have two very different and special relationships with each of my boys and they have such a great loving relationship with each other as well!

It’s always scary but understand having another child doesn’t equate to your son not being enough or replacing him, youre just adding to your family and gifting him a built in best friend for life ! Believe me mama, there will be plenty of you to go around!

If you just really feel you do not want another kid, THATS ABSOLUTELY OKAY AS WELL! Either way you’re still a great mama ! Number of children will not take that away :revolving_hearts:

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Do what’s right for you. If you only want one than only have one. Society doesn’t get to dictate how big or small your family is!!

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I asked my pediatrician one time what they suggested based on the age of the first and they said either before they turn 3 or after they turn 4. Apparently between ages 3-4 is harder for a child to adjust/understand. I have two boys 2 and 4 and they’re super close and love spending time with together. At least when they’re little, I feel like a larger gap between kids makes it harder for them to play on the same level. I do lots of thing with my two boys and it’s a blast. So much fun, but I absolutely love seeing them together. Either way, make the choice that’s right for you. :heart:

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Ok so my second baby was unplanned (same with my first lol) but I was so upset for months that I was pregnant again. I used to always wonder if I’d have less time for baby1 , if I’d have to share or split the love, how could I possibly love another human like I love him? I thought I’d have to force it. I was wrong about every single thing. The love literally pours out of you like it did for your first. Plus if they get along it’s the most amazing thing ever watching your 2 babies become friends. Would definitely recommend if you want another even a little bit. :heart::heart::heart: my two are 3 and 9 months x

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I always thought having one child in life is a personal choice but I have had a friend who was an only child and she had only one child and when her mom was dying due to Alzheimer she was the only one there was no other siblings to step up and help her plus she had to work and now she herself has cancer and she only has one child and I was just thinking you know sometimes more than one kid to help share the burden of losing a parent and they still have family around is not a bad thing. And before you start saying it’s not your children’s job or you shouldn’t have children to take to take care of you when you’re old if you’re close to your children they’re going to want to if your best friends they’re going to want to be there and take care of you because that’s what love and family is.

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We had a 2nd almost 2 months have our 1st turned 5 and it’s honestly been easy. It helps that he can sort himself, getting dressed, having a wash. I can then sort my youngest out while the other is busy. We make the time for both children, they both get one on one time with both of us. It also helps that he’s school age so I can focus on the baby and house while he’s at school. Despite that we were thinking of having another straight after our 2nd ( dependant on how the birth of the 2nd went).

I had our 2nd when our oldest was 2.5 and it has been amazing… they are best friends… the 3 of us do everything together. All though I didn’t get as much one on one with my 2nd until my oldest started kindergarten this year. Their bond is seriously my favorite thing! They love each other so much!

I felt like that! So happy I had a second after my son
I love her sooo much more than I could have imagine
Even happier bc they have each other :heart::heart::heart:
I don’t think you’ll ever regret having another

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He gonna love being a brother! My kids are all 4 or 7 years apart, I sometimes wish they were closer in age, but they are close regardless. You’ll be fine no matter what you decide

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I always felt like I couldn’t love another child as much as I loved my first so I didn’t want anymore. My son is 22 now with a 5 year old brother that I love just as much!

My daughter was 3 when our son was born. I was nervous about having a second baby because my daughter was my whole world. Let me tell you, your heart don’t split between the 2, you just grow another heart :heart:. My daughter is now 4 and my son is 10 months and they’re so close. They have a bond far beyond what I will ever understand. They’re 3 years apart but it’s perfect. They love each other so much. I’m so blessed to have 2 wonderful children and I’m so glad they have each other. I don’t regret it one bit. I still make time for just my daughter. We have girls day out at least once a month while little brother stays home with Daddy.

Do it now! Easier when closer in age… I have 2 kids in college now and a 7th grader!! She was planned, but I wish I had her closer in age to my middle one.

The transition from one child to two will impact you, your partner and your son whenever you decide to have another, I have a 3yo daughter and we’re due our 2nd just before she turns 4yo I think the age gap will be lovely, she is excited and will be able to help me out a little and we’ve discussed how she still needs one on one time with mummy and one on one time with daddy. You just have to make more of a conscious effort to plan special bits into your week that allow him and you that quality time you need together. As for loving your first child so much, me and my husband felt like this, our daughter is just constantly blowing our minds and we didn’t imagine we could ever love another child the way we love her, but he’s not arrived yet and trust me your heart will just expand and there’ll be enough love to go around!

Good luck whenever you decide to do it, and if you decide not to of course that’s okay too, just do what’s best for you and your family :two_hearts:

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I had two girls 10 years apart lol not intentionally of course :joy: but having a second is great. Its hard to imagine loving two kids the same as you loved one but i promise just like magic you just have all this extra love in your life

I just had my second child in july. My first is 12 years old. I felt for many years that I vould never or would never want to love another child but when it happens you realize you have enough live for them both. My first is a big help too, its different with two really young kids Im sure but if any part of you wants it then go for it before its to late and all you have is regrets.

Stick with one and spoil the living crap out of him. I have a 2 year gap almost to the day. Boy and girl. And it’s constant fighting. Screaming, fighting for attention. It’s tiring. I love them to pieces. But I wish there was a larger gap so they understood. Trying to do homework with two extremely needy children. It’s hard. But everyone’s children are different. But I had a son 11 years before the younger two. And I spoiled him rotten. Just him and me. Then when he became independent I had my younger two. And it’s a headache most days

Theres only 22 months between my two eldest daughters, it was hard at first, but now they are the best of friends. You just have to do what’s right for you. What will be, will be, and you have enough love, trust me x

Flip a coin! And go with what your unfiltered gut wants. For example if you say heads is a second child and it comes up heads and your heart drops…then you know your decision. I’ve learned to trust my gut over my emotions and brain. They are filtered and only see things through scratched lenses. I’ve done that for all major decisions that I struggled with and it has not let me down yet. I asked the same question after my 2nd was born…people were saying, “well, you just know.” But I didnt know…so I just closed my eyes and jumped and had my 3rd. We won’t talk about the 4th…that one was not planned. :upside_down_face: Believe in yourself. Best of luck for whatever option you choose. Your life will only get better regardless of the choice. However, I’d rather regret the things I did vs things I didn’t do. Sending my love.:heart:

I was in the same boat! I loved my son so much honestly didn’t know how i could open my heart for another and honestly when i had my second 6years later it was amazing i love both my boys so much! I got tied off after my 2nd

My daughter will be 5 tomorrow and I’m 24 weeks pregnant with my second little girl. My daughter is super excited to be a big sister and help with the baby once she’s here. I know there will be some jealousy, but I think she’ll do just fine. Maybe have your son help you during the day with your next one so you can still spend quality time together and he won’t feel left out. Best of luck to you!

I have my 4 almost 5 and my 1 almost 2 year old. At first I did not want a second child (traumatic delivery and didn’t enjoy being pregnant). We decided to have a second one bc I didn’t want my first to be alone. They don’t get along that well, I wish I had had my second earlier and not have such a gap, I think things will be different. I love both of them so much. I don’t think either of them is love less or more.

My children are almost 5 years apart. My daughter is the best big sister ever. We started trying for a baby when she was 2 though and it took us almost three years to conceive.

My son was 7 before i had another baby and he adores his baby sister

My son was 2 when I got pregnant with his sister. He is my main squeeze and I love him so as well as his sister. I still make time to do things with just him and we did things with him throughout my pregnancy. Here we are a year later and he loves his sissy and she loves him. She cries at his door at bedtime bc she wants to be with him. That being said my hardest obstacle with my son is his struggle to potty train. He has about zero interest in it. And I’ve been trying for a year I let it go for a few months and we tried again. He tells me “I’m a baby”

My two oldest are 22months apart not quite 3 years. When you have more then one child the love doesn’t change for the first one. If your husband is in the picture you can always say that you and your first born can have a “lunch date” and just the two of you go out and have a couple hours of fun while your husband can have some bonding with your second child. There are always ways to split time with your kids so each can have some one on one time even if it’s just going to the park for half hour.

All of us wondered how we would love our second child as much as our first. And… ya do! I think 4 years apart is good bc your older child is becoming independent of you, they’re potty trained and if the bottle. But to each their own!

I was so exhausted when I got pregnant with my second when my elder son was only 7 months… but now they are like great buddies ( 2.5 and 1year)and they love to play and spend time together

Every 2 year’s is good distance. They will be emotionally closer
As adults, more in common.

My boys are 5 yrs apart. 1 st going to school so I could spend that time focused on the baby.

Mine are close in both age & relationships. 26, 24, 22, 21, 19 & 18. I don’t have a single regret.

2.5 - 3 years apart works out well.

My son will be almost 4 when his sister is born in couple of weeks. Great age difference

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Not my business but you need to look at the world around you. Make wise decisions.

I always said my oldest would be an only child. But when He was 8 he became a big brother and Honestly best thing ever!

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I got pregnant with #2 just after my son turned 1. I always knew I wanted several children and close in age so they had each other. I had a total of 4 kiddos in 5 years. 1 boy, then 3 girls. They are super close to one another and even to me. I just make time to do 1 on 1 things with each so they all can that special time. And now that they are a little older 5,6,7 and 9 were to the point that we can do all the good stuff without carting strollers and diaper bags :blush:

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Girl I feel the same way with my daughter! She is my best friend and I love her so much I don’t want to share my love at all :joy: she’s 3, Everyday I love her more and more and it gets better once they are old enough to tell you that they love you back :heart:

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I had two kids, and am glad I did.

I felt so guilty when I got pregnant with my second child. We planned to get pregnant, but once I was, I started thinking about all I would miss out on with my first. At least you are thinking about it beforehand. Problem is, I was ONLY thinking about the negative. You have to stop and consider the positives. What if you both die? Your child grows up alone, no more core family (kinda grim positive…but, it happens). Who is going to keep your child grounded when they hit puberty and their priorities shift from a parent centered universe, to one dominated by their peers. Siblings are more impactful at that time in a child’s development. Watching my children interact, yeah they bug each other and argue, but at the end of the day my kids love each other. They push each other on in competition, are one another’s biggest cheerleaders, snuggle at night watching movies, play games together, and I wouldn’t take it back!
Why not ask you child how they feel about having a baby. All 3 of ours are 2&1/2 years apart. All of them wanted a sibling when presented with the question. We decided 3 was a great number and we have a great little family.

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Don’t ever feel bad because you love your child. Don’t ever feel bad if you only want 1. As a M/B RN i rather see a happy mommy with 1 child/baby then a unhappy, depressed mommy with 2 children. Do what makes you happy, But I will agree with what was stated, your son is your son, not a friend, you are his mommy first, not a friend until he is all grown up

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Its really a personal choice. But personally I am SO thankful that my mother decided to have another child, because my brother is my BEST friend. My mom was an only child and similar to what someone above said “An only child is a lonely child”. My mom spent many days in tears as a child just wishing she had a sibling. When her parents, my grandparents, passed away…my mom had nobody. All those cousins she played with growing up…they left. Not always, but the majority of the time…siblings stick together. I am so thankful that I have 4 kids, they are each others best friend’s and I know that one day when I die, my kids will have each other. I adore my kids, they are my best friends as well…but I’m glad they have each other. I wouldn’t change a thing…except adding one or more kids to the mix.

I have 3 boys 4,6,7 and they all play good together and love each other my oldest thinks he is their protector and watches out for the 2 youngest

It’s ok to have a kid in your 30s… just putting that out there :relaxed:

I felt the same. Would I love another baby the same? I went on to have another three. There’s plenty room in that heart :heart:

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I had no choice. I fell out my back door of my new house, broke my elbow and found out I was 24weeks pregnant with my second. Turned out I would have fallen pregnant with her when my first was 10 month old. Honestly. It was terrifying at first, especially being a single mother but it’s been the best thing to ever happen to me. My girls are now 3 and 18 month old. The bond is absloutly amazing too.

Join One And Done On The Fence! It’s helped me so much in my choice and we are happily one and done! But they don’t push having one, it’s a great community that looks at the decision from both sides equally.

I decided when the stock turned blue :laughing:

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My daughter is 2 1/2 and I’ve never left her since she was born. I stay at home with her everyday. We are both very attached to each other which is why I’ve never let anyone babysit her and never left her. But I’m pregnant with baby #2 due in december and I’m very worried. I know it will be a hard transition for both of us but I’m glad they will be close in age.

Just wait til he is in kindergarten. I bet than you’ll want another.

I had my second daughter when my first was 2 and a half :two_hearts: it was just me and her a lot because my husband left for basic training when she was just 8 months old, then we moved across the country twice and we are 12 hours away from family. Being pregnant with my second whole he was deployed really brought me and my first daughter closer honestly :two_hearts: she went with me to all my appointments, got to see her sister, and we always got lunch and spent some time shopping together afterwards :two_hearts: now she’s the BEST big sister and even though she’s going to school a few days a week now, she is still so excited to tell me about her day :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

By the time your second baby would be here your little boy will almost be ready for preschool. I had 3 kids 4 years apart.

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Girl your best friend a two hour old? What will you do when he goes to school……

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I wasn’t OTT spent 24/7 with my child but I was scared to have another child because I thought what if I don’t love them the same newsflash I did I don’t mean to sound rude but your relationship with your son seems unhealthy :thinking:

You will definitely have to share your time. With the new baby you will actually spend more time with because theirs more demands. It will be times when your son wants to play but he’ll have to wait because the baby is crying. I experienced the same issue. However the closer they are in age the closer they will be with each other. He may become jealous at first but then will become protective. So if you want more one on one with your son id say wait.

My boys are 22months apart. They will never know what it’s like to not have their best friend. I loved my time with just my oldest, but seeing them together is everything.

You could not give your child a greater gift than another sibling.

I have 3, and had the same worries as you. Somehow I’ve just found more room in my heart to love them! They are 5 years apart for the oldest two. And 2 years apart for the youngest. No complaints about age gap!

Tell him not to pull out the next you get intimate. If you fall pregnant it’s time for another baby. If you don’t fall pregnant it’s not time for another baby.

13 year gap between my
Two. I was 23 and 37. There is no right or wrong answer to your question.

Girlll i was in the same boat. Just had my daughter a week ago and now I can’t imagine life without them both! Itll be totally okay and having them so close in age will be great for them!:purple_heart: you’ll figure out fast how to divide your time!

Its important to know everyone’s experience is somewhat unique. Some only children may have loved it and thrived, and some may have been lonely and depressed. Some oldest children may have adjusted super well to a new sibling, and some may have not. I TOTALLY relate to you. My first is 6 and we finally got pregnant (unplanned) because I literally felt as if I couldn’t focus on another child and share my world with anyone but her, she is my everything. But I am 19 weeks pregnant now and I am happy. I am fearful, anxious, worried… Scared even. But I am happy because I believe this is what was meant for our family. My daughter is a ltitle nervous that she wont be our only anymore, but shes also excited to have a sibling and not be the only child anymore. My sweets is way to social to enjoy being an only child lol.

So I cant offer any great advice but I can say that even tho an unplanned pregnancy forced me to accept it, I am feeling more and more confident in having another child as time goes by. Whatever you do, it will all work out. You WILL love both your babies :two_hearts:

Wait till he’s 4 then try for another he will be big brother