IEP’s can be a good thing. You need to educate yourself about these. It’s important you fully understand or they will roll over you. YOU ARE IN CHARGE!! You are a large part of designing the iep goals. You are also allowed to have anyone you feel is necessary to help you and your child with you in these meetings zoom or otherwise. The courts gave my ex custody of our son and I got our daughter. My ex knew nothing about our sons disability he never attended a dr appointment or iep meetings or evaluation. The school did not follow my sons iep, he was failing senior year(straight A student prior, had to work at it) father didn’t make them follow the iep. I had 3 months with cooperating special education teachers made up entire year and he passed barely but he graduated. My son didn’t have to do a million questions of the same thing presented differently he just had to show he knew how to do the work and no busy work.
My now 6 year old, we went through the motions before he started school. The school was set he was autistic. Turns out from our private paed, physiologist etc he has ADHD & ODD.
The school has still offered extra help for him & still push for me to get him retested. It hasn’t been 12 months so I won’t be.
It took us from the age of 3/4 to 6 to even get the diagnosis…
My point is- if she needs the extra help, who cares? Let her access it. Send her for testing!
My son was suffering before his diagnosis he was known as the “naughty” kid, and he wasn’t. He couldn’t control his emotions at times. Now the school helps. He loves going now.
I would take her to a specialist to be sure. Other than that, when dealing with the school always remember that YOU are the parent and YOU have choices. Don’t let them bully you into thinking that you have to go along with whatever they say. Nobody will ever advocate for her the way you will. 
Have her tested, because the more you understand her struggles, the better you can help her, and the sooner you do, the better equipped she’ll be later in life.
Also: have yourself tested, you may just learn something you didn’t realize or want to come to terms with, but will help BOTH of you
Not sure what state you live in. I’m in Indiana and work in early intervention. Here we have In Source and they aim to advocate and assist parents through IEP processes. I would like to see if your state has any sort of advocacy program that could potentially help you to understand all the ins and outs of everything.
Having an IEP can be a great thing. It’s not something that has to follow kids completely through school but truly can help with a number of things that children struggle with.
Speak with your child’s pediatrician. Maybe getting an autism screening and sharing it with the school would help ease minds.
Social delays certainly does mot mean autism. This is why early intervention is so important. A multitude of delays can appear to be something they aren’t. When addressed at a young age it truly helps on the grand scheme of things.
They tried with my son too…he was like in 1st or 2nd grade…I said no…and wouldn’t you know he graduated captain of the varsity football team at 18!!! No meds ever!!! And now he just had his 22 nd bday…and works at the air base!!! Just got married in November… just bought his own home… teachers don’t know everything…and always want to put kids on drugs for being hyper!!!🤦
Take her to a pediatric neuropsychologist and have her tested independently from the school.
They will be able to figure out exactly what’s going on.
What makes you so sure she’s not on the spectrum?
It ranges from severe to high functioning.
I have 3 kids with special needs, two of whom are on the spectrum along with other needs, and they are both on different levels of the spectrum.
Regardless of how sure you are, it’s always good to get multiple opinions and be open to what they’re going to tell you. They’re trained to notice things you may not and it’ll help your child so much more to not be closed off and adamant that you know better. My son is on an IEP and there’s a lot we struggle with, but the IEP itself is a great help in many areas. A child doesn’t need to be on the spectrum to have an IEP, they just may need extra help in certain areas. The best thing you can do for your child is to talk with professionals and be willing to accept their help and advice. Don’t let your child think that there’s something wrong with them by repeating that “nothings wrong with my child, you’re wrong” type of sayings. Be as supportive as you can, emotionally and academically, by listening to what other opinions have to say.
I my self am on the spectrum when I was your daughter’s age I had testing done they didn’t think girls had it as you said. Well was diagnosed with ADHD and ADD. I wish they would have tested me to see if I was on the spectrum as it has caused so many issues through out my life that I know was not my fault. It took me 34 years before I was diagnosed. If they would have known I could have gotten the help I needed and been more understanding
Go take her to a specialist on your own.Not through school.
The school can only encourage you to get her tested. They cant determine she has it. Maybe she is having problems that require an EA and they want you to go through the process to get her more help?
I deal with IEPs every year for two of my children both with learning disabilities but my 2nd grader is on the spectrum my 7th grader has a 3.9 GPA it doesn’t stop them from learning it makes it easier for them to learn I work with teachers, principals,speech therapist occupational therapist,even their own doctors on these matters because we all need to be in the same loop to give the best care and so what if your child is on the spectrum it just means they learn differently and see the world differently then those who are “normal” I take my “weirdo” child any day because normal is overrated
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Maybe you are all on the spectrum? Not meaning to offend but there are MANY people who are on the spectrum that are very well functioning adults… look up the symptoms, etc and try to keep an open mind. Many people with different abilities are actually geniuses… good luck…
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I work in special education. Under normal circumstances, teachers would not request an evaluation because of a couple bad days. There would be ongoing issues that repeated intervention plans haven’t been able to help, then logging and documenting to prove that evaluation is needed. There’s no harm in her being evaluated, if there’s nothing to find, they won’t find anything. If there is, it will make it easier to get the in-class resources and services that she might need. Good luck, mama x
Honestly there may be more reasoning or concern than those few incidents. Ask for the reasoning or concerns for the evaluation. What exactly is being tested and areas of concerns are normal topics of discussion during an IEP meeting. I wouldn’t be too concerned with labels, I’d be greatful that if your school is recognizing anything of concern that they are being proactive and trying to get your daughter help before she gets much older. Be on board with getting whatever help that she may need because it does seem that you all have her best interest at heart and a unified front and team is always best no matter the outcome. I have 3 of my 4 children who have had numerous evaluations and go through these meetings yearly for over 8 years now. Please message me if you have any questions or would like to vent
Just because you went through it, doesn’t mean she’s not neurodivergent. You just may be neurodivergent too. Autism and adhd have a major genetic component, and hugely go undiagnosed in women. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 30’s, and it was in part thanks to going through the journey with my daughter.
Her IEP has been a life saver. It has helped her in a lot of areas she was struggling in. It’s helped her get up to peer level in most things, when she was way behind years ago. Her IEP has helped her to thrive.
The IEP isn’t your enemy, it’s your friend. A diagnosis isn’t an enemy either. It’s just knowledge. It helps you to understand how her brain works better so you can find the right tools to help her best.
Please don’t push away something that could help her just because you’re scared of a label.
Bring her to the pediatrician. I feel like your regular pediatrician would have mentioned or questioned it by now. I would mention to her doctor and go from there. Why is the school diagnosing things anyways?
Why are you so against that professionals say she may be autistic? It’s also hard to believe she can be diagnosed so fast when it takes testing and multiple appointments to diagnose this. If your child is having troubles at school this could be a huge help for her.
I deal with ieps every yr 4 3 of my boys My 13yr old has ADHD n sensory disorder,my 8yr old has a bit of an issue particularly with reading n my 6yr old has cochlear implants so has 1 2 make sure he is on par to where he needs as his hearing loss was diagnosed late i have no problems going to them it doesnt make me feel any lesser of a mum for me it helps me 2 help thm n their teachers knw wat to focus on through the yr