So my husband and I both work 40 hours a week. We both have decently straining jobs. His more physical mine more mental. He believes we should split the bills 50/50, and we do—half on electric, gas, lease, car, down to the grocery bill. The problem is, he barely does any housework. I’m usually the one staying up on my days off to clean everything and running around after work to keep it that way. When our son has a difficult time sleeping, I’m usually the one that stays up with him whether I have off the next day or he does. I stay up with him and try to get him to sleep; I am usually taking care of most of his needs. Now my question is if he wants it to be 50/50 down the middle for bills, should it also be 50/50 on the house chores, and how should I approach him about him stepping up more in his son’s life? Stepping up more in the house duties, without some drastically displayed argument? TYIA.
If he’s demanding you pay half of the bills he better help with half the cooking and housework. Period.
If both of you work then both of you should be doing your share of the housework
I would just simply say. Listen I have no problem doing 50/50 with Bill’s but if we go that route then I need more help around the house and with son. If you’d rather me keep doing house then let’s do 60/40 or 70/30 bill… it doesnt need to a fight. State it respectfully and see how he responds.
He should definitely be helping around the house and with the child he helped make. My husband works 80 hours a week in a plant with no air conditioning. I work 30 hrs a week from home and take care of our child. He will still help me clean the house, do laundry, and whatever other chores need doing. Why? Because he lives here, too. His words. Your husband needs to step up.
I don’t work. I stay home with our 4 kids. My husband comes home daily (mechanic) and helps with chores, and sometimes even dinner… his kids and home also. He honestly prefers helping with the kids after work because he misses them all day.
Yep he wants to do 50/50 that means EVERYTHING…house work, tending to kids
Get a house keeper, if he complains, tell him to start pitching in
Get a housekeeper once a week and split that bill with him.
Make a chore chart like you would with children… Days when you cook, days when he cooks, who does the sweeping, the night time wake up calls etc… Approach him with it already made up and tell him, that you need a little bit of help as you’re finding it difficult to do everything, he either likes it or he doesn’t, hopefully he will go ahead and start helping… A lot of men are rubbish at forward thinking, they just see us getting on with things and think we love constantly cleaning and cooking, until it’s writing in front of them xxx
All our money in our household goes together. We pay what needs paid then spend and save what is needed. And for kids we split it up. Some days I’m exhausted from work so he does it and some days he’s exhausted so I do it. We split the house work the same. Who ever gets to it gets to it but it always gets done by one of us and ends up being about 50/50
We dont necessarily do 50/50, we are a team. Where one of us is lacking the other pulls more of the weight. I have a mentally strenuous job and my husband is out in the elements all day. If it’s super hot I don’t expect him to come home and stand in front of the grill. If I have a migraine he takes care of dinner. If a spouse is demanding everything be 50/50 then make sure it’s all 50/50. If my husband were demanding 50/50 oh you bet I’d have charts to quantify it all! Lol
Be an adult and sit him down and talk to him about it. It’s simple. If you both agree that everything should be split down the middle, that should extend beyond just the bills. It should extend to your child and household chores. If you’re worried about who does what, make yourself an adult chore list. He cooks, you clean up dinner. He sweeps and mops while you vacuum. You was and dry laundry, he folds and puts away. Or any variation of that. Figure out what works for your household because obviously what’s going on now isn’t working. As for your child, you made him together, you should take care of him together. Set a schedule for that too. If he’s in diapers, alternate who is on diaper duty every other day. Alternate every other day who is up with him, who makes his meals, who puts him to bed etc.
when u get married 2 people become 1 as in 50/50 went out the door 🤷 you both should do not just 1 pays bills or live there both do its both of your home prayers to you both
You shouldn’t even need to ask if he cares
Do people actual split bills with their spouses?
In our house all income is shared and bills are paid from our joint account regardless of who earns what
As for household chores and parenting our roles are slightly “unconventional” as in he does most the cleaning and I do the home repairs and such, with the parenting we seem to share it seamlessly where the person the child comes to handles it or whoever is not busy at that moment does
All our money goes into 1 account and I pay all the necessary Bill’s with whatever is in there… we also always make big purchase decisions together. It’s all his income that comes in also.
Yep. He needs to get off his ass and help. And seriously out of common courtesy if he has the next day off and you don’t he should be up with kid.
I think bill wise 50/50 is good. I think you should talk to him nicely and just ask if he can start helping around the house more. Do you guys have a yard? If you do, maybe he could be in charge of the yardwork if you do. That’s the system we have set up at my house. We pay 50/50 bills - just since we don’t have a joint account yet but will be getting one shortly with our LO on the way (other than our car payments + car insurance since they are different plans/policies), I clean + do our laundry, but he maintains the yard and does the grilling when we eat on the grill. This system works the best for us.
Your married!! Everything should be combined.
Absolutely. He wants 50/50, he needs to step up and do half of EVERYTHING.
Oh hell no, you want to go half on everything then we take turns doing the jobs that need done all the way! He needs to pay you going house cleaning rates, hourly, down to the penny.
I work a super physically demanding job and my previous job was super mentally exhausting. Just from my point of view if he takes care of lawn and car stuff he more than does his fair share.
He needs to step it up more. If you want to go 50/50 that includes everything. Talk to him and let him know the things you expect him to do. They won’t do it unless they are told to.
That sounds more like a roommate then husband. Your monies should be combined. If my husband treated me this way, he would not be my husband anymore.
We split bills 5050 and if im feeling burnt out of chores i just dont do it and he sees and takes a hint😂
That’s where it’s wrong with 50/50 in a marriage you both need to be 100/100.
You’re a team, a partnership, this splitting bills and house work sounds like a roommate ordeal not a marriage.
Hell yes. Dont do any for a few days and then question your husband why something specific isnt ddone
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My husband & I worked out our bills according to how much we bring home. He works 50+ hours making $6 more than me. So he pays more bills than I do as I work part time at 20hours
We have the same bills every month. Where I’m short he helps. Where he’s short i help.
After bill money is set aside for the week the rest of his money is his. Mine is mine. Obviously we both pitch in for the kids & household needs.
Stop doing it. That will bring the conversation up real quick.
I don’t think it should be 50/50 nor do we split bills. He makes more so he pays more but it’s all in one account anyways so it doesn’t really matter As for the rest we pick up each other’s slack him mostly after my slack. Every relationship dynamic is different but it needs to be agreed upon by both of you guys
I tell this to my kids all the time, but whomever lives in the house, cleans the house. Everyone is expected to help with the cleaning. I am in charge of laundry and my husband does most the dishes, but everything else we all do
Tell him youre not paying 50-50 if he wont do his part.
Just tell him that you want a partnership in life and explain that you feel he isn’t there yet with what you feel a partnership is and that you would appreciate and most certainly need him to do this this this this and this. I would explain down to a T so there is no confusion
I think it depends. We both used to work a lot but I worked double the hours my spouse did lol I still cooked and cleaned and he helped with that as much as he can, he also would always fix my car when it needed it, mow/weedeat , he’s basically mr fix it haha so I don’t feel bad if he’s not in the kitchen mopping etc. with our children it’s split down the middle! He will let me rest at night some or sleep in here and there and I get him the same way. Just calmly try and communicate.
50 50 is 5050 in everthng including housework amd raising kids
Lol hire someone to clean the house.
Marriage takes a 100% from each person. When one slacks the other should pick up the slack with no problem… If he wants the bills to be 50/50 and both of y’all work the same amount of hours then it should be 50/50 on keeping the house neat and taking care of yalls kid(s). Maybe just sit him down and explain it in a nice way. Just explain how you feel on it.
Get a house keeper and split it.
He’s needs to help with his kid too you didn’t make your child
On your own talk to him bout it
Shoot my boyfriend makes a lot more than me and i still ask him to help out around the house. Especially when he’s off work and I’m not. Or helping out with kids.
Husband and I combined our incomes. Both of our checks get deposited to our joint checking and after bills are paid we have money left over for fun. At home we do everything jointly as well. Some days I may be more tired and he will pick up my slack other I will pick up his. Weekends are the days we both deep clean the house. We split up by rooms. Same for the baby duty. Some nights he wakes up other I wake up. For us it works to have things as one.
I like the comment of 100/100 but sometimes it’s hard to say that when some things do have to be split. Bills and housework for example. Someone always either pays more than the other, or each pays the same amount. Someone is always doing more housework than the other (it seems). The kids are the ONLY thing that should be 100/100. One parent should not be the only one doing something for the child. The main thing I suggest is to just tell him you want to sit down and talk with him. You want him to listen to everything you have to say before responding. He might feel like your attacking him and try to come back with excuses, but tell him beforehand that these things are bothering you and you want to be heard. Be completely honest with him.
I dont fully understand the concept of splitting the Bill’s 50/50 in a marriage lol but either way just sot down and say yo I need more help around the house and with the kiddo.
Got to figure y’all’s balance when me and hubby worked we agreed he payed bills and I would get the house hold items like soap diapers wipes cat stuff ext and he helps alot with choirs if I feel overwhelmed he has no issue picking up the slack
My husband paid for everything, I work as well, but he give me his check and I paid the bills. No questions. I would mine to buy my children what they needed and save for rainy days. He always provided for us.
You need more household support and a different way to pay the Bill’s. Not fair.
Who splits bills in a marriage. That’s such a foreign concept to me. We have a joint account. It screams I don’t trust you or I don’t want you spending my money. My man he doesn’t care because we discuss most purchases that are bigger. And as far as the house since mr 50/50 wants equality lol sock it to him sista!!! 
do your dishes only leave his. Do your laundry I dont care if you gotta be petty and seperate his shit and leave on the floor. Dont pick up shit after him. Clean your side of the bathroom. Cook dinner for you. When he says anything say honey its 50/50.
Send him a bill for house cleaning and babysitting 
Then you won’t feel resentful and he will have to decide how to step up. Either pay for it, or work in it.
I’m mostly kidding. Each home is different and my husband and I don’t split accounts and bills. We operate as one unit and discuss finances and household issues regularly. Not to say it’s a well-oiled machine, but I have weaknesses that he covers and I try to cover his. I cook dinner and load the washer, he puts dishes away… I dust and sweep, he does laundry… etc. To each their own, but the roommate thing is not something I’d be comfortable with.
Hire a house cleaner and split the cost. Wash your laundry and your child’s… let him wash his own.
We have a joint account so I’m not sure but both should help with housework
I believe that’s how it should be. You both live there so you both should be taking care of the house and you both made your baby so both of you should be taking care of him.
I can’t imagine a relationship, much less a marriage where we have to split and divy up anything whatsoever… if it needs done it needs done just take care of it and do it and maintenance the house and kids as u go… this post and all the others explaining how they divide up their households sounds like a fucking nightmare
You will have to get him in the car, go for a drive and explain. That. To. Him. In the car he can’t escape he’ll have to listen. Then explain simply that the baby will do better for you and housework will be easier for him.
My husband doesn’t need to be asked to help. If something is dirty, he cleans it. He will clean up after dinner, without being asked. I do handle all the laundry, kids baths, and such, but I also don’t change the oil, do household repairs, or fix the lawnmower. Marriage is teamwork, especially if you have children. Gotta find a team-player. 
I didn’t know people actually split bills? When married. We aren’t even married and we don’t split bills. Our money is our money.
Its not 50/50 it should be 100% on both
I’m an ol BOOMER, and all Iev have to say is WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY has happened to the young MEN of the last couple of Generations? I’m sorry sweetheart I have NO GOOD advice, as I would have gone straight Sarah Connor THE FIRST TIME My husband demanded Half the grocery bill.
Me and my other half don’t really have jobs around the house. He works and I stay at home with our son for now. I wasn’t working before our son due to spinal and cervical fusions and complications from those. He pays 100% for everything. I take care of the house mainly but he helps so much. He spends time with our son while I do things around the house but that’s because I like things done a certain way so I do it. He offers to help and at times he does dishes or Landry or folds it. We just do what needs to be done and don’t really consider it one or the others job. We are a team. I take care of the bank account and the money going out and in. He barely knows what’s in our account one day from the next. I give him an update usually after all is paid but if I don’t he doesn’t even realize. And when I do he looks at me and says ok.
Say how would you feel if we did etc etc etc. if everyone is civil and not heated maybe pair certain things that need to be done with certain bills like staying up late with son to light bill so if it wasn’t even then the one that didn’t stay up pays full bill that month etc. maybe it could work for you guys
I agree,do you do the yard work? Shovel snow? And actually it should be 100/100, not 50/50
In our house hold were both all in.
All of our income goes into a joint account. All of our bills, spending and expenses come out of that joint account. I make more money than him but all of our income is OURS, not his and mine separate.
When it comes to taking care of the household and the children, he honestly does his best. But his best does not compare to mine, and that’s okay. Like most men he just does not think of all the little things, so I am very verbal with him. He works days(8-5) I work nights(6-3) When I am leaving for work every single night I give him a verbal list of things that need to get done. If I say nothing he does nothing. But if I tell him what needs doing, it gets done. Ex: tonight when i leave i will tell him exactly what to do, clean up after dinner and wipe down table and counters, sweep kitchen, switch laundry, put away the laundry that comes out of the dryer, make daughters bed, kid #1 needs a shower, kid #3 needs a bath, kid #1 needs his antibiotics at 10pm, if he can get to the store we need milk and paper towels.
If I dont list these things for him he will sit on his arse thinking everything is good, it’s like he can’t even see these things until I verbalize them. But I fully understand that aspect of him being him so I give him the list. And it’s not like he gets everything to do, every day I get up at noon, make their lunches, clean up after the kids, I make dinner before I go to work, Laundry never ends…kid #2 just got out of the shower and her hair is combed, whole house has been swept and vacuumed but the kitchen gets messed so quickly, kid #1 is cleaning the bathrooms right now so I will go clean again when he is done because he is 11…and with two young boys bathrooms are done daily.
There is nothing wrong with how you and your husband maintain your finances… you do what works for YOUR family. I’ve been married just about 22 years and my hubs and I share everything in joint accounts my bff and her hubs keep everything separate and each pay certain bills. Is one way right and one wrong… no they are both right because it’s what works for each of our marriages
ANYONE on here telling you that you and your hubs are handing your money wrong or that their way is the correct way to handle it is giving you poor advice.
With all of that said… he sounds like your partner should be behaving more like a partner in all areas not just Finances. I would sit down and have a talk with him.
We don’t split things 50/50. I mean, I’m staying home with our daughter now, so of course the household things are my responsibility. BUT, my husband does help me clean, and picks up after himself, and helps with dishes, etc. As far as money and bills- he makes the money, so technically he pays the bills, HOWEVER our money is ours, not his.
My husband and i dont “Split Bills” but we do have certain things were both in charge of - he pays the rent and i pay some bills and see to the food shopping & stuff our daughters need he gets more than me as our baby is only 8 months old so im at home running the house etc - but he gets home at 4pm & he straight away helps me out with the kids, i feed baby dinner while he cooks ours, he plays with the kids while i run baths, when im making her bottle hes upstairs getting her into her sleeping bag thing - and hes off weekends so he see’s to the washing (laundry) while im with the kids we do work as a team 
If you want it to really work its gotta be 110/110. Not this is mine and this is yours. If you’re both working the money should be in one and pulled from as one, the house/yard work I can see how it could seem to be “divided” but there should always be a willingness and action to help either party when asked or noticed that it is needed.
You are asking us how to you approach your husband about helping out with your child, cleaning shopping??? So you are married to him, & I would think you guys do talk . So now is the time to tell him how you feel. If you don’t talk, how do you expect him to know???
We don’t split money. Checks go in same account bills paid out of same account. All money is our money.
Don’t clean a couple weeks and tell him you cleaned last week and it’s his turn 
It should be 50/ 50 but I would rather do it myself the way I know it should be done
Wtf that sounds more like roommates then a Marriage Smh
If he wants 50/50 I guess only do 50% of your house work. And when he wonders why things aren’t clean ask him why he didn’t do it you did your half. As for your son and staying up late I would go to bed extra early even if you just lay there and look at your phone so that way if your son can’t sleep he’s up with him what’s he going to do come and wake you up and if he does just tell him know you’re sleeping he should do it.
Well sometimes its 80/20 but as long as you guys got each other, its gonna be awesome!!
We share our money and equally divide the Bill’s? Like I pay electricity, gas and internet, he pays rent, carpayment, and we both buy groceries and stuff for the kids? We found a system that just works for us. But I’m home with the kids all day, cleaning cooking and catering to everyone else. Where he works a full time job. So he pays the majority of the Bill’s as he makes the most money and I am at home with the kids all day. My home business only makes a small income so really Bill’s are up to him as hes the provider and I’m the home maker. If you both are working, then he needed to split chores 50/50 and Bill’s should he separated based on wages
Oh no 50/50 should be for everything not just the bills .he eats ,needs laundry done ,ect ect so he should also help with the household chores
Well I don’t think you make your son alone so yes he should be doing just as much. If he don’t wanna help with the clean does he at least do the outside of the house?
It should all be shared
My husband makes more money than I do on his main job, so he pays the biggest bills. I make almost minimum wage so i pay the little bills. We also pay “our own” bills. Example: he had a small loan from before we were together (he keeps it open for credit purposes) so he pays that; I have a phone bill that i pay myself (his phone is paid for by his aunt). We have a joint account but he also has an account to himself because he works multiple jobs. That’s how he saves us money because once all the bills are paid from our joint account, i blow the remaining money. He is the opposite. So this works well for us.
However, that does not mean this will work for everyone. Previously, we split every bill 50/50. For instance, if the power was $100, the rent was $500, and the water was $20, we would each pay $310 [(100/2=50)+(500/2=250)+(20/2=10)] but that only worked because we were both bringing home about the same amount of money at a time. I no longer work that job and make a lot less than i used to, which called for a change. It does get complicated doing it this way but it is what’s best for us.
We dont do the split bills because we share a bank account, most of our fights came from the amount of money each of us were spending on our own and then not putting enough equally towards the family so we solved that by sharing a bank account. I defibitely make it clear as well that he will help just as much as i do with stuff around the house, i take on a bit more since I am able to just work part time and I run by own business too. We have 3 kids and i am usually the one the kids go to in the middle of the night BUT I make it clear to them and my boyfriend that we are both here for the kids, not just mom. I feel if the kids see dad not doing as much and mom doing almost everything and also working then tbey are going to think thats the norm and in my opinion thats the 50s norm not the 2020 norm. I want to my daughters to grow up seeing that they don’t have to do certain things sinply because they’re female and same with my son, he will know that he needs to step it up with housework and cooking just like his dad does.
Are you guys roommates or married?
Want 50/50, get divorced. You’re married…one account. Why do people do this?? I don’t get it.
In our house. My SO makes more than me by a little. But we both put all of our paychecks in our joint account, and 10% in our own personal accounts. I do all the house chores, and help outside when I can with mowing and things. I also take care of the kids and do most of the driving for them. But he works out in the elements and his job is more physically hard. Mine is mentally hard, and I’m inside in the ac. If one of us is falling behind, we ask one another for help.
We used to try to do 50/50, and like someone else said, we turned into roommates. If one of us had missed a day of work and we’re short on half of something, it turned into a HUGE argument. We had separate bank accounts, were secretive about our money, and it didn’t work. We separated for 6 months and when we moved back in together we agreed we would do things differently. All our money goes to one account, all our bills come out of one account. We both still do have separate accounts, but neither of us use them anymore because this worked so much better. When he’s off work, I get to be lazy because I’ve been at home with 5 kids for almost 2 months. He does dishes, he does laundry. We both do have things we do that are just natural to us, but there’s no way he would ever say, “I’ve been at work all day, I’m not going to help you do anything when I get home”
Dave Ramsey for your money problems. Otherwise see a counselor
My man and I don’t split anything! Were a team, we share. If ever need money I know hes got me and if he ever needs money I got him. I usually pay the Bill’s and he pays rent but theres been times I’ve paid it all and there been times hes paid it all. We never hold it over each other because we work together to keep our house running. I tend to do more house work but he does more of the yard maintenance. Different strategies work for different couples.
I would write up as of next month: Include all house hold things you do and “extra” parenting with monthly costs. He can either step up or pay the extra bills.
Everything should be shared, I’m not even married but when I did work, all of our money went in the same account, and we share the house work, now that I stay home, he works, I tend to the inside of the house, and he tends to the outside, and he helps with our daughter whenever I say I need help because he understands that being a mother in itself is exhausting, I have allot of respect for mother’s who work, but either way, motherhood is hard, and he is supposed to be there to support and help you when you need it, it goes both ways, neither of you should be putting in 50%, you should both put in 100%…
We both work but I’m the only person me with a checking account his checks are cashed so I pay what we can online and he pays what can be paid in cash and he usually pays for the groceries and I buy the household stuff but he hates shopping so I just go
He’s seems to be more of a roommate you take care of and don’t get paid for… Aah the ultimate manchild. Give him a timeout.
Shouldn’t matter how its done… as long as its paid and it works out between the two! That whole ohh sounds like a roommate bullshit is ridiculous yall are living together at the end of the day JUST like a roommate… Bill’s still get paid… food still gets served… just do what’s supposed to get done.
My husband and I worked out that I give him a portion of my pay per month he can use towards what ever. Usually he uses it towards mortgage which I dont mind helping towards. I get groceries but sometimes he does neither of us complain. We do split the house chores according to preferences. We both do dishes and clean up little messes in our way so neither of us have to spend an entire day just trying to get the house clean. We are both finding that we dont fight or argue as much when we are both working together on tasks. Just be open with your husband and work out a team plan that way both sides can feel heard and both sides can work together to agree nor disagree. After some effort it will just become a daily team thing and you wont even think about it!!
We have a shared bank account both our checks go in and all bills get paid. Housework… well still dealing with that
50/50 for everything. If he doesn’t help around the house then he has to pay you to clean/cook/play with kids. Period.
We have one bank account. We are a team. It’s worked for 40 years so we must be doing something right. If you need help with the kids or housework, just ask. Men are funny. They don’t notice.
My husband and I share everything. One bank account, all income is “ours” there is no “my money” and “his money” we consult eachother on every purchase over $20. If you are going to do 50/50 like roommates rather than husband/wife, set up a chore chart for each of you, put what he does currently on his chart, and what you do currently on your chart, and put it on the fridge so that he can see that it is not 50/50, then discuss it.
My marriage is 100/100.
If things are 50/50 what the fuck is the point of being married.!
It’s just the way it is, i figured if you’re already doing everything yourself, paying bills and working. You literally don’t need a partner, you want someone who eases the burden and doesn’t create more work for you or atleast appreciates you. This day and age if a man isn’t contributing you don’t need him. Man is a luxury, not a necessity. Most guys these days literally just want to date their mother because they can’t be fucked looking after themselves.