The father of my child does the same. He claims he does it because this way he is sure he isn’t keeping any of the clothes I’ve bought. 
I don’t really care where my son wears what clothes, it’s all his anyway so he can wear it wherever… I don’t understand why he thinks that way. He doesn’t keep him in the same clothes the whole time though, he washes it and my son puts it back on before he comes back home
1 Like
Oh no, they can’t juggle working and children in the same day. Too much for em.
1 Like
Yeah thats just called being a “man”
1 Like
I don’t get what the issue is? She is dressed and you are getting the clothes back instead of lost or months later? 
6 Likes
As long as baby comes back clean it should not be a problem.
2 Likes
My ss and SD go home in what they came in on our visit but they get washed while we have them and we have clothes at our house for them.
1 Like
I’ve had my son send my grandson back with clothes he was wearing when we picked him up. We used to send him back with new clothes, because we’re always buying. But he’s mother would always send him to our house with old clothes and they wouldn’t fit and would keep all the new clothes and we would never see him wearing the new ones. Now, I wouldn’t mind her keeping them, but why would she keep sending him with the old clothes. Mind you, my son does pay child support. So now what we do is he wears the clothes we buy when he’s with us, and send him back with the clothes he was picked up with. Of course, we always wash them before sending him back.
If you want him to provide diapers and everything while she’s with you, then you need to do the same when she’s with him.
4 Likes
As long as they’re clean i don’t see the issue.
2 Likes
He needs to pitch in and do his share. Sounds like you get the brunt of it and don’t get to enjoy just being with her. He does but yet he doesn’t provide anything for her, doesn’t sound very fair. I would take him to court and get something in writing where he needs to help you provide for your child that you made together
Do you want the baby back naked? Are they clean? I had to send clothes with my daughter and yes she came back in what I sent.
5 Likes
I always send an extra outfit just in case to make sure my daughter wears clean clothes the second day. I would see about doing every other weekend so you can enjoy some days off with baby too!
1 Like
As long as baby and clothes are clean it doesn’t matter what she’s returned in.
2 Likes
Don’t send baby with more than the clothes on her back. Itll force him to buy his own stuff at his house… other than that I don’t understand the question… don’t you want your clothes back?
2 Likes
I would get a court order for child support. He was a vital part of creating her and just because y’all split doesn’t excise his responsibility to raise his child and help financially support her. Getting a support order is not being a bitch it is getting what your daughter deserves. If he doesn’t want to be present that is on him but he needs to help support his child… PERIOD
If you’re happy sending the clothes and everything else then do it just make sure he gives them back 
if you aren’t then tell him he will need to provide the stuff while he’s got your child?
I always pack my son pull ups and outfits for when he’s with his dad, I don’t have to but I chose to
1 Like
I always wanted my baby clothes sent back…
2 Likes
Yes. He should provide for her what he wants her to have and pay child support since you have her the majority of the time. As long as he’s putting other clothes on her during the weekend and just sending her back in what you bought then it’s fine. If the baby is wearing the same clothes the entire time…. That may be a different issue.
If that’s the case then I still wouldn’t worry too much about it unless there’s obvious neglect. Letting clothes get two days dirty may be gross but it isn’t neglect.
2 Likes
Nothing wrong with him sending them back in the same outfit as long as it’s clean.
3 Likes
We have shared custody of my husband’s boys… when we get them from their mom’s, we send them back in the clothes they came in, because she provided them at her house, she bought them. I’d expect the same, that when they come back to us, we also have our things back. Doesn’t usually happen, because I make sure they’re in her clothing before they go back. They’re always washed. I’m not sure why this is such a big deal. You’re getting your clothes back.
My husband also pays child support and provides every thing needed when they’re with us, and has offered to help if she needed anything, which is usually ignored with an attitude, but hey, her problem, not ours. Just be glad you get you stuff back.
1 Like
Aslong as it’s clean who cares what the baby is wearing xx
I had this same issue when my daughter was younger it’s incredible frustrating to send them in cute outfits and get back oversized rags. U feel like ur providing clothes for the other parent. I voiced it and it got me no where, so instead I went to a second had store bought a few outfits and would send her in those her good more pricy clothes would stay at home and less expensive cute outfits would be worn. Granted I was sad to part with even a few of the outfits from the second hand stores I didn’t mind as much knowing I only paid a few dollars for the outfit. Walmart also has a great selection of shirts and pants called garanimals that r usually less than $3-4 a piece
1 Like
Sure as long she clean n took care of what does it matter? As soon as he kept them and sent her home in a different outfit you would be fuzzing " o dont ever get my babys outfits back from her dads". Im sure she has different clothes she wears while at his house.
Growing up I would go to my dads on Tuesday and Thursday (went back to moms for the night so we could wake up and go to school) and every other weekend. And we would wear the same clothes back to our moms on Sunday. Yes he washed them but didnt want us to lose what we had there over at our moms. But my dad also bought us clothes for his house and things we needed.
Maybe go get him on child support but also have you tried talking with your ex about these things. Maybe he is doing the best he can right now…dont just assume that he isnt trying.
Yes he needs to send her back in the clothes you purchased if that’s the agreement. Tell him firmly that’s how it’s going to be. If he picks her up from your house require him to bring his own clothes for her to be changed into and vice versa. You’re allowed to want to keep clothes and supplies, accessories etc that you purchased for your child with you at your place. You are not required to let him have stuff just because you share a child. It’s yours for her not his. And you also don’t have to share the same carseat. You each need your own for the child. Go to court and get a custody agreement and make sure that you get that rule put in that each parent is to return any items for the child to the other parent. If it didn’t bother you then it wouldn’t be a big problem. As long as she’s taken care of right? But it does bother you and that’s ok too so he needs to respect thst and you need to set boundaries with him now.
1 Like
If he contributes nothing why send her there, make up your mind you on this journey solo, interacting with him will just make u frustrated.
1 Like
I don’t see the problem unless they are dirty. my son’s dad been sending him back in the same clothes I sent him in he’s got clothes there for him but, I would rather him keep them there because I got plenty of clothes here🤷♀️
3 Likes
Your break up has nothing to do with clothes is exactly what anyone over your age bracket is going to say. However, I get what you feel, & I get the whole picture I do, but I also think that part is irrelevant. Think of it this way, you send baby with clothes you buy because you like them, etc, & they don’t come back, so you buy more & send more. & They don’t come back either. See how round & round that sounds? That’s about to be this situation. I have been on both sides, there is no siding with you or him in this comment. But for your sanity, send clothes with the understanding dad isn’t going to send back any different then what you are sending because you BOTH are using the clothes as a game piece. You want support from him, well that doesn’t come with you sending clothes & him buying clothes for just at his house, then sending home what you sent, it comes from what else she needs. Stop being petty.
2 Likes
Who cares??? So much more to worry and fight ab.
Pick your battles babe❣️
1 Like
My daughter always comes back in the same clothes. Her dads clothes are easy to tell apart from mine so I try to send them back when I remember. My oldest always comes back in the same clothes we sent her in (week on week off) because her mom is a stickler about it. Clothes are clothes and most people generally want them back. When I had one kid I know I did. Now I have 3 and don’t buy high priced clothes anymore so I don’t.
File for child support and a set schedule. My kids always come back in the clothes I sent. Their dad has clothes there and I have clothes here. We don’t share.
1 Like
We ALWAYS send my SS5 back in the same clothes he came in. We had issues where mom wouldn’t give US OUR clothes back and said she was throwing them away so we were tired of wasting money. We change him when he gets here and of course throughout the weekend then when moms on her way he puts her clothes back on. It’s worked well for years for us
1 Like
Yes. My ex does. Why shouldn’t he. He washes them and sends him back wearing them. My son goes to his dad’s directly after school on Friday so he’s wearing school clothes and shoes. So yes I want the same clothes back. It doesn’t mean the kids wearing them the whole time. He keeps the clothes he buys there and sends mine back. It’s common sense. My son doesn’t have to carry things back and fourth
3 Likes
I prefer to have my clothes back 
1 Like
I’d be getting my butt out there to get some child support for some help to make her life better
Yes! I want the clothes that I sent my son in back. And if his dad sends him home in something that isn’t mine, I wash it and send it the next time
2 Likes
I share custody with my son and we send him back in the same outfit he comes home in and they do the same vice versa. I just wash them before he goes back to his dads. When he is with me I provide and when he is with his dad he provides we do it 50/50.
1 Like
There will be plenty of real things to argue about. Be glad that you’re getting your child back every time.
1 Like
I think the bigger problem here is he doesn’t help you care for her during the week or support her financially. We all have busy work weeks, but we still take care of our children!
6 Likes
Depends on you agreement and how childish the other parent is. My step dad would buy his kids new clothes send them home in them and every time he got the kids they would be sent in 2 sizes too small with holes in their socks.
1 Like
Oh my gosh. If he didn’t, you’d be saying you want your clothes back that you sent her in. Totally ridiculous
5 Likes
We don’t make a big deal out of it and can share clothes, but yeah. Sending child back in clothes they were sent in is generally how our situation works. I made it pretty clear at some point that I wanted some of my daughters clothes back and her dad had no issue with that, so to make our lives easier he will just wash the clothes while at his house and send them back by her wearing them.
But I would be pissed if she was wearing the same clothes all weekend long and sent back wearing them still… that’s different lol
You and your ex need to find a mutual respect so you can coparent properly. It takes time and work that usually people who break up don’t want to put in because of negative feelings, but it’s still a relationship you have to work on.
Whatever you send with should come back .he should supply stuff for his place.ive sent with my daughter and it has come back with me clean or dirty there may have been an occasional forget and got washed and sent back to me.
1 Like
Baby is clothed so I see no problem with that. And you’re getting YOUR clothes back. Many mothers complain they put nice clothes on their children and then never see them again. File for child care assistance, maybe you won’t feel so frustrated.
1 Like
That’s usually how it is , here in Canada when you go to court and stuff the dad usually gets every other weekend
1 Like
Be thankful you get help at all girl.
Ok im going to sound like an ***hole
- You you chose the father of your child when you laid down with him and didn’t choose to use protection
(I picked myself a winner as well ) - If you send a diaper bag along with her what you pack is reflection of you and that diaper bag is not for him it’s for your daughter or son and their needs come first regardless of which parents it is
3 try not to let your personal feelings get involved it’s hard I’m there as well you might as well just accept that you were going to be the parent that’s going to be taking care of her.
4 go to court get paternity done filed for child support it should automatically come out of his paycheck and come to you if he chooses to only take her on the weekends ask the court that you be able to file a tax return on her every year unless he decides to start taking the child more
3 Likes
We always do same clothes they were sent it. 
2 Likes
You file custody/visitation/child support through the courts. If he wants to be a weekend dad, then he needs to at least be helping out financially.
As for sending the kid back in the same clothes she was sent in, stop sending extra stuff. Stop sending extra clothes, toys, diapers, formula etc. You’re not dropping her off at daycare. She’s going with her father, who should have everything for her at his house, same as you do at your house. He already doesn’t financially help support her. You shouldn’t be providing everything she needs for both households.
The next time it’s his turn to take her, I would simply hand her over. No weekend bag, no extras. Just what she is wearing. Let him be a dad and at the bare minimum, provide what she needs at his house.
2 Likes
We do. When my husbands older kids come here I always wash and dry their clothes they came in and send them back home in them when they leave on Sundays. It just helps to keep the piece
2 Likes
I intentionally try to send my daughter back in the clothes she was in when I got her. Just so there’s no “where’s my clothes” from the dad. Not a big deal
3 Likes
Why don’t you have him paying child support? Do you make a lot more money than he does? I’d get that done first.
Maybe create a budget, give him a copy & let him look it over, and then sit down with him and hash out who pays for what, and how often. Don’t forget contributions to a 529 plan if she wants to go to college or trade school. Every little bit helps. Sign the bottom of the finished product and each of you keep a copy. Revisit every 6 months or whenever things change: sports fees, karate lessons, driver’s ed, allowance needs to cover more, she gets a summer job, etc. Signing it is not binding but seems to make people more accountable.
I find it helps to have regular check-ins scheduled weekly or monthly. Save all the issues, create an agenda in advance so each can think about the subjects and any solutions and agree not to bring stuff up/argue except at these times. Invite input from your daughter also. This is where you decide which clothes go with which house, do you get clothes back dirty or laundered, who is responsible for buying what.
Best of luck!
That’s what I do my kid get sent to me in raggy clothes … guess what back it goes to home
2 Likes
If you want him to pay child support, take him to court. Make him provide whatever the baby needs during his visits. My stepson comes over every weekend. His mother sends him with nothing which is fine, as we have things here for him. He wears our clothes while he’s here but gets sent back to his mothers in the outfit he was sent in. It is washed while he’s here. But my husband also does not hesitate to provide him with anything he may need while he’s at his mother’s as well
1 Like
Absolutely. I’m not sending my good clothes because they’ll never come back. So what they come to me in is what they wear next time they go.
1 Like
Open mouth say words…then back those words up!
Put him on child support they will deduct it from his paycheck if he ain’t gonna help raise the child when he’s asked to them get state involved n have them make him raise his child, in the past I had to send my kid w a back pack of some play clothes and some snack with all her personal items and hope the hell I got them all back. To this day my kid is 14 and still packs a bag to go to her dads because he doesn’t have clothes over there for her
As long as clothes r clean I dnt see a problem with it. When I send step daughter to her moms she comes back with same clothes she is sent with. I dnt supply clothes for her mom anymore not my place 2 keep up 2 households. Mind u step daughter is 15
2 Likes
My kids go in clothes then they have clothes at there dads but he sends them back in there original clothes this is how it should be
5 Likes
Yes it helps so much. No stress of leaving a favorite item or whatever behind. As the kids get older they learn to keep up with their stuff and they know who’s home it belongs in. The only downside is when you have a parent or step parent who refuses to wash the clothes. That’s an issue for another day.
1 Like
I think the OP is saying that the child is in the same clothes all weekend because the dad doesn’t buy clothes for his house?
2 Likes
I have that agreement with my middle son with his dad. He does pay some child support, but the majority of our sons care depends ons me. I asked him to send him back home in the same clothes & clean after his week each time & it’s never been a problem.
Your ex sounds bitter & childish IMO 
1 Like
He has a busy work week? Take him to court for child support!
1 Like
Some custody agreements state that clothes are to be washed and returned with the child.
3 Likes
My ex always send our kiddo back in the clothes she went there with but they are always dirty. 
1 Like
COURT! All parenting plan issues need to go through court if the other parent is being inflexible
1 Like
Most Judges will tell you that HE is responsible for providing clothes and shoes for her at his house for all seasons, and whatever you send her in she should return home in.
1 Like
I had to pack a bag for my daughter for at her Dads because he didn’t have clothes for her there x
My sons dad did that and it used to bother me, but now he started sending him back in clothes that are too small every time and keeping the good clothes I bought at his house… I’d much rather just have the same clothes back
2 Likes
Most divorced or separated parents do this , so as long as they are clean, your child is clean ,fed and most important ,loved, I do not see the problem. I have a 14 year old grandson, and from day 1 I had everything here that I needed to make him comfortable . I gave him back to his Mom and Dad in the same outfit that he arrived here in. It was washed ,dried and folded until he went home. He expects to go home in the same outfit now that Mom and Dad are divorced. That routine as well as him having everything here that he needs to make his stay with Granny a nice one, well I for one can only tell you that makes for a happy Grandson. His Mom didn’t have to pack up the whole house when he came to visit as a baby, that made her a lot less stressed, just grab the baby and go. So if sending your child back in the same outfit makes him or her feel better , what is the harm. I know that if I sent a special outfit, it would also be sent back. Just my opinion.
4 Likes
As long as they were washed and reworn, yes.
My ex husband and I use to do this with his kids Bc their mom would keep anything nice we’d send them back in and ofc we’d never see anything again once it went to her house. So I’d immediately wash what they wore over and send them back in it.
1 Like
Why haven’t you taken him to court for child support ? Why should you be the only one providing for her … Are the cloths she is coming home in clean ,is she clean ,fed ,happy than it don’t matter ,at least you are getting the cloths back
1 Like
… we always try and send them back in the clothes they came in. When they were younger we changed there clothes when we got home and put “our” clothes on them. Now we just try n remember so we can make sure they are in same ones. And the reason is because the other parent bought those. We have on occasion sent them back in a different shirt & have been asked about where their other shirt was. So… maybe he is doing the same thing.
1 Like
The clothes she comes in should be what she comes in. Go file for child support and get a custody agreement put in place.
3 Likes
It sounds like you need to be learn how to take care of it yourself and dont depend on your ex husband for anything. As long as your depending on a person who is undependable you and your daughter will be sad and feeling let down.
1 Like
He probably doesn’t have enough clothes for her at his house for her. You could send a few outfits to stay over there so it’s not a problem and then go ahead and put him on child support. He won’t be forced to pay much but it should be enough to buy a few replacement outfits
3 Likes
Are you saying like the kid stays in the same clothes all weekend or are you saying he just sends her back in the clothes you sent her in? If it’s stay stays in same clothes yes that’s bullshit and he should provide clothes for her at his house and not leave her in dirty clothes. If it’s he’s got clothes and just sends her back in the clothes you sent its smart for both of you. You can keep a better Inventory of what the child has and needs for your home without the Hassel of having to ask do you have this or that and does it still fit and all that mess.
I would involve the court.
1 Like
If they are clean, what difference does it make?? Alot of parents do it to prevent the clothes at their house from disappearing…
6 Likes
Get him to court for child support!! He helped make that baby too!!
I send my bonus son home in clothes his mom sent him in because she does not keep him in proper sized clothes or clean ones. Last winter got him a nice warm double lined coat since she kept sending him in this tiny little jacket. We let him wear it to his mom’s cuz we don’t want him to be cold, but she literally sent him back in the little jacket the next time. I asked my son about it (he’s 8 spills happen, it’s in the wash at mom’s maybe), but he told me his mom took his coat and gave the outer larger layer to his older brother at mom’s house and the inner layer to his little brother so he was left with this jacket again. Ask his mom…its ‘lost’. My fiance and I are not those people, if she was that hard up for coats for her kids we would’ve bought some for them too. But since then I do not send anything over to her house that I expect my bonus son to be able to wear. Same thing happens when we buy him new clothes or shoes.
1 Like
First off get a parenting plan. Second, I would buy a lot of cheap clothes. Only send in the cheap ones. Yes I can understand the frustration, and yes he should provide clothes as well, but if he’s not then wouldnt you rather sacrifice some clothes than have your child have nothing over there? Because usually the other parent is keeping the clothes that fit or are in good shape and giving you the clothes that aren’t. If thats not the case then just express that you would like the clothes back and see what happens. Ultimately do whats best for the kid even if it means biting the bullet and buying more clothes just to send over with the child.
Well hopefully they’re not wearing the same clothes they were sent in because that would mean they were not getting changed but they definitely should come back, maybe you need to take some extra backup outfits to his house.
When you pick up child just ask for the clothes to be put in a backpack to be taken and washed
Take him to court and get child support .
2 Likes
Take that a@# to court sis
1 Like
My sons mom always keeps what we send them in, and returns them in very outdated out grown stuff, like a trade , we know they have very nice stuff at moms , so we buy them lots of basketball shorts and t shirts to go home instead of jeans and and shoes , not our best but not bad outfit either. It would be raining and windy and she would send them in shorts and tank ,
1 Like
Dad needs to step up!!! Yes at least your getting the clothes back…
I would tell him when he decides to act like a father then you guys can talk about it it takes more than just spending weekends with a child to be a parent
When we split custody with my step daughter we always sent her back in the clothes her mom sent her in. It’s her stuff. I wouldn’t want to upset her. Now it’s a little different since we have her all summer and holidays. But I don’t see a problem with that…but yes dad needs to step up seeing his child.
2 Likes
I amke my kids bring their outfit back. I buy it all and he always keeps their good clothes and send them back in stuff old and roo small.
1 Like
You ever thought maybe the kid has her own clothes at his house and he makes sure that the clothes you bought are returned back to you 
if I send my kid to their dads house I want their stuff to come right back. Also, maybe he works long shifts throughout the week, it’s not like you two live together so maybe his time is limited. He could definitely do more but it just seems you’re making something out of nothing, perhaps talk to him because the situation isn’t that deep.
4 Likes
You can’t make dad (or anyone for that matter) do anything they dont want to, unfortunately you’re gonna have to pick up the slack, whether it’s fair or not is absolutely irrelevant unfortunately
I can speak from experience tho, that kids know who’s there for them and whos not and In the long run (my kids are 12 and 14, and they are starting to realize what kind of dad their father is, and it’s unfortunately all his own doing) the extra work you put in now will be the example your kids, in the future, will remember and will hopefully follow
That one way to put an end to generational trauma, its not easy but omg it’s so worth it
2 Likes
file non support then he will pay
If you haven’t filed and gone through the courts for child support I wouldn’t be complaining that he doesn’t pay child support and if you haven’t filed you should because they will take his tax return because if you say he is working there for he will file a tax return and probably try to claim the child.
Unless the visit is court ordered don’t allow the visit.
1 Like
Get something in writing or go through courts. Trusting words is gonna leave you disappointed
Are the clothes being washed first before sent back in? If so I don’t see an issue. Atleast the child is clothed.
8 Likes
Might as well get use to the same song an dance
3 Likes