Do you think it’s fair that dad sends baby back in same clothes she was sent in? A little back story is that we recently broke up but he doesn’t pay child support or buy her things like bottle diapers wipes shoes clothes etc . And he only gets her on his days off which is the weekend same days off as me , so I work Monday-Friday and take care of my daughter through out the week and when I do ask him for help he says he has a busy work week . I’m starting to get really frustrated I don’t know what to do any suggestions?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should dad send baby back in clothes he was sent in?
So my oldest sons dad and I aren’t together anymore either and he gets him once during the week and then on the weekends , our son has a sleepover bag he takes with him I put a clean set of clothes (outfit underwear & socks) In his bag to come home in & then the clothes he went to his dads with I tell him just put in the bag
3 Likes
Why is it such a big deal that he sends her back in the clothes that you sent to center in that just means he’s keeping his stuff for his house and sending your stuff back I mean I’d be okay with that
12 Likes
My ex husband gets SO mad that my kids don’t go back in what they came in. Idk why it matters if they’re going back in clothes
From experience, I think whatever the child wore to their dad’s, they should wear home, washed of course.
That way he has clothes for his place and you have clothes for your place.
10 Likes
I would 100% want them sent back in clothes I sent them in or clothes sent home with them.
You have to have a discussion though, if they have their own clothes at both houses. If he doesn’t send your clothes back with your child, I would be sending her back in his clothes, or an outfit that was cheap and I wouldn’t care if I got it back.
Discussion should be had, and not just assumed though.
3 Likes
As long as the clothes are clean and not dirty I don’t see the problem with it.
1 Like
We send my bonus daughter back in the same clothes her mom sends her in, washed and cleaned of course. But we do that so her mom can keep her clothes and we dont have to lose the nice clothes we have. I don’t see an issue with the clothes.
6 Likes
I coparent with my daughters dad. And when she comes home to me she has clothes here and she has clothes at her dads. The only time we would want certain clothing back is if like a outfit we bought and it’s a special occasion wear or if a family member bought and it stays at that parents house. It’s not really a big deal
2 Likes
I think the beginning question has very little to do with the explanation below, in my opinion. I could be misinterpreting it.
If he has his own clothes for her that he uses at his house and the clothes she comes back in are clean. Then I think it’s acceptable. I think he should help more but if he truly is working and you guys cannot come up with an agreement, maybe child support should be mandated/court ordered. And if he doesn’t, eventually you will get $ when he files his taxes. Doing it on your own sucks, yes. But it’s more peaceful doing it that way without trying to force someone to be a parent who doesn’t seem too interested.
I’m in the same situation on the schedule- it’s not fun. But we just do what we have too.
3 Likes
Be happy your getting your clothes back. My ex use to keep the clothes my son went in and send back underwear and jeans too small.
1 Like
It is pretty normal, as if he kept the clothes you sent her in, that would prob be an issue too… Just let it go.
7 Likes
Forget about him and sue for child support
4 Likes
If he didn’t, would you complain that he’s keeping the clothes you bought her and sending her back in something you don’t like?
8 Likes
Sounds to me like he is being very respectful and making sure she comes home in what you sent her in so that you get it back. If he didn’t you would complain that he keeps the clothes you send her in. Unless she’s wearing them multiple days in a row and coming home dirty I see no problem with him sending her home in what she showed up in. Makes perfect sense to me. Are you sending her a bag of stuff or is he providing what she needs while she’s with him? If you’re sending stuff it seems weird not to just use a different outfit from her belongings but it sounds as if you send her with just what she’s wearing so why would he send his clothes back to your house on her when he can send her back in the stuff that belongs at your house. 
5 Likes
This is hard if hes just being respectful cool but like do you believe she stays in them same clothes alll weelend that’s not okay
1 Like
Ok well if it goes to court some people like me had to supply the clothes. He just did diapers at his house. Everyone’s case is different. Some keep it all separate some don’t. However if u send her in an outfit it should be returned on her unless u sent other clothes.
1 Like
Does he have his own supplies for child or is he giving the child back in the same dirty clothes?
If your getting your stuff back that’s good but if he’s not taking care of the child I’d take it or discuss it further.
2 Likes
I think she’s saying dad should be sending the child back with clothes he bought.
As long as the clothes and kids are clean why does it matter, quite being petty and pick your battles that matter
6 Likes
Are you suggesting that he isn’t changing her clothes at all which would mean no bath etc?
2 Likes
I don’t think it’s a big deal sending her back in the clothes you sent her in. I’d want my clothes back versus him sending her back in sleepers and keeping my nice outfit or something like that. If he isn’t helping you should definitely look into filing for child support.
6 Likes
Take his butt to court for child support
I’d try to reach a compromise with him. You’ll send back his if he sends back yours. He can’t be sending a child back naked so there has to be some clothes there. If he doesn’t agree I just wouldn’t send the child in anything nice…simple play clothes.
1 Like
Actually if it went through court ( but this was a few years ago could have changed) of you was to ever see a mediator that’s one of the things they say is send the child with clothes and they should provide clothes for there house but send them back in clothes they was sent with.
5 Likes
Each home should have their own sets of clothes. That way, it feels like home in each place for the child. So, the clothes the child goes in should be the same clothes they come back in.
As far as not paying, that is a seperate issue and should be taken up in court for child support.
7 Likes
This is what most co parents do , they send the children home in the clothes the other parent has brought if not they carry on that they are keeping clothes they have brought 
4 Likes
I don’t think it should matter what clothes the child comes back in. As long as they are nice & clean and child is happy & healthy.
Get a cusoty order shared time he order time n ri pay child port
Send her extra clothes and don’t worry about it as long as she’s clean and dressed👍pick your battles.
1 Like
Trust me. Much better to have them come back in what you sent them in vs. something that doesn’t fit/is off season(shorts in the winter time when you sent them in pants)/ratty/torn/dirty clothes.
2 Likes
We always sent them back in what they came in the week before. So if we got them on Friday and they went back Sunday but we got them on wed until Thursday next they would go home in what they wore Friday. And then on Sunday would be what they wore wed.
The clothes belong to the kid. Not the parents. I refuse to tell my kids “you can only wear this at my house or you can only play with this toy at my house”…no, they didn’t choose to be in a coparenting situation. Make it work for the kid.
2 Likes
He should be paying support and there’s nothing wrong sending her home in the same cloths. Get your support order immediately
3 Likes
My ex and I send our daughter in different outfits than what we got her in, however we both have a full set of clothes for her and we both send the other parent’s clothes back in her backpack. That said, as long as they’re clean I wouldn’t care if she came back in the same clothes I sent her.
1 Like
File for child support why should he not support his child
1 Like
Yes. It’s fair. You send her in clothes you provide, and he sends her back so those come back to you. I feel like the bigger issue is that you feel resentment toward the fact that he does very little, and during the time you’d have to spend with her/your free time…which is fully valid. Most agreements would be every other weekend, if both parents work during the week and weekends off. Hopefully you have a custody arrangement to tweak, and if not you should get one. One that consists of him contributing to the child all the time whether she’s with him or not.
3 Likes
Child Support is the child’s right. Go to court and get an order for child support asap
2 Likes
Pack a spare set of clothes if you’re worried about them being dirty
Personal experience… we have to ask for the clothes back… girl I’ve bought at least 40 pairs of drawers for my
Son and I have 10 here… so I’m gonna go get like T least ten of them back… and his fancy clothes he loves to wear that I bought but that went missing at dads… dad can keep the clothes dad buys… unless the little one wants to leave certain things there … that’s my two sense
3 Likes
Sending the child home in the clothes they came in allows the other parent to keep track of their wardrobe. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, my ex and I used to do this for his children 
- we always had clothing for them at our home; but we would wash the clothes they came in when they got there and then they’d shower & change before heading back to moms on Sundays.
He should be paying child support though.
14 Likes
Nothin worse than sendin kids on Friday night with their good school clothes on and gettin them back on Sunday with old play clothes on, after 5 visits the other parent has a weeks worth of school clothes and you’ve got rags, then they outgrow them without wearing them
9 Likes
You need court-ordered visitation AND child support, now. Get an attorney. Maybe Dad takes her on Wednesday over night as well as weekends. I always wash the clothes my son comes in & he goes home in the same outfit. Dads clothes for her stay at his house & vice versa. Create a reasonable visitation schedule you can both live with with an attorney. Judge signs off on it. Now your ex MUST obey the order or go to jail for contempt. He gets her 3 or 4 different weeks in the summer, etc. I had to create a both parents living out of state visitation plan. I do not get my son every other weekend anymore. It’s once every 2 months for one weekend & it extremely difficult. Miss him every second of every day. Until I have the financial means to move back to the state my ex-husband & son livein, this is what I have to live with unfortunately. Co-parenting is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Make it work for the sake of your child. Period. Wish you luck 
Momma
I’m the grandparent & I want the items my son buys & us brought back. The mother doesn’t do much as is. Idk where you live but where we live the judge does 2/2/5, meaning every mon, Tues she gets her & him wed, Thurs & rotate weekends. Each meets the child’s needs when the said child is in their care. No child support from either. She moved out of town over an hour away gets to claim taxes every other yr. And gets the child when she feels like it. Shes already in contempt of court for moving over an hour away. The father has had the child for over 6 yrs full time. So may sound petty but as the judge said they each meet her needs so he always sends her clothes back & he expects no less.
1 Like
So he can’t wash those clothes and send them back in them. Maybe he doesn’t want his clothes he has bought her with you he wants them at his place. So you get the baby back in the clothes you sent then in makes sense to me
2 Likes
Why have you not filed for child support, are you hoping to get back with him…sounds like you want him back even if he’s as irresponsible as you say he is…I just love these baby mama drama stories where we get only 1 side of the story.
4 Likes
I send her in the clothes he sends her in vice versa. I don’t want his clothes he can keep them for his house. I paid for her clothes for my house so I want them back. It’s easier that way.
4 Likes
A lot of parents send their kids back in the same clothes.
1 Like
Tbh better he sends her back in the same clothes ( assuming she hasn’t spent all weekend in them) than send her back in rags as I’m assuming you send her in nice clothes.
I’d be changing the visitations so you have some down time to bond, enjoy and do activities/ outings with your daughter.
As far as not helping you cannot force him to be a parent and that sucks as it’s not easy juggling work and family but you don’t want her to be where she is not wanted or going to be properly cared for. Not fair but she’s probably better off with you during the week.
Stay strong Mama your daughter is relying on you.
When my step daughter was a baby/ toddler we would put her in our clothes when we got her and change her into the clothes she came in when dropped her back off. Now she is 8 and picks and wears whatever she wants. We wrote her initials in the clothes we bought. And typically once a month me and her mom will gather up all the clothes that go to the other parents house and just send it all at once. We do have specific things that stay at our house, like if it was something special like certain jewelry, then she is to take it off before she goes back to her moms.
3 Likes
So with my step son, I used to send him back to his moms in the clothes he came in the previous week… because we don’t have a working laundry set up and I go to my grandparents for laundry and I wouldn’t do that during the weekend when we had him but also I didn’t want to send him back I’m dirty clothes… so the clothes he came in the week before worked for everyone.
2 Likes
Yes he should send baby back in the same clothes she went in. Why isn’t he paying cs? If you haven’t already, file for cs
2 Likes
I’m in the same situation but I honestly don’t care. It’s quality time and if she’s not changed & showered at his house on a sat (she could do that fri&sun at home) not a big deal. Just know I’m claiming this child every year on taxes & making all final decisions. I’ll consult out of consideration but come on. My daughters slowly getting older & trust me she loves how willing I am she sees him. Just be as supportive as you can of his role in her life some men parent change without a notice and don’t come around as much .
1 Like
Ok I’m gonna say this. If there is no reason he is a bad parent to you take the opportunity to visit 50/50 custody he keeps her Sunday to Sunday one week then you switch. You both have equal time with the child. Don’t care what your beef is with him if he’s a good dad let him be a good dad. What happens on his time is his business. You’re a good lol be a good mom what happens on your time is your business. The clothes and stuff belongs to the child done make it personal for heavens sakes if a piece of clothing means that much to you don’t send her in it plain and simple. And yes you should have all of this documented go to a court mediator to set this all up most importantly be civil there is too much hate and discontent in this world as it is.
3 Likes
I send my daughter with no backpack just herself and maybe her toy but that’s all … when I use to take her a backpack of clothes I’d never see it again … so I expect to get her back with the same clothes I took her with maybe just wash it atleast right !!!
1 Like
If he’s getting dropped off in bum clothes I’d be pissed too but if he’s being dropped off in the same quality of clothes he left in j wouldn’t be upset
3 Likes
I’m confused. You don’t want him to send her back in the same clothes?
Or are you saying that he doesn’t change her clothes while she’s there? It’s really hard to figure out what the issue is because your letter is all over the place. First you asked about the clothes then you bring up other things that have nothing to do with clothes. If you need more help financially and he’s not willing to help, take him to court for support. 
5 Likes
I think it’s smart to send her back in your clothes. That eliminates the whole “my clothes, your clothes” argument that happens a lot.
7 Likes
Who cares??? Lol at least her dad wants to see her and shes not being brought back naked lol omg there is more to worry about in life get over it!!!
6 Likes
If the child had enough clothes I would change him or her
He might have clothes there then changes her back to original before she goes home
3 Likes
I would want the same clothes back I sent her in. When my son had visits I always sent clothes for the entire weekend and received back what I sent because there was no confusion as to what needed to come back to me that I paid for. And I knew he had nice fitting comfy things to wear. File for child support and just hope he keeps taking her on weekends. With my ex it was every other then once a month then he gave up rights 
1 Like
All the people saying she should make him pay child support asap…
I’ll never understand why, if both parents are financially providing for this child equally, why should mum demanding child support
Like if he is paying for everything that child needs when he has her, why does mum need extra?
Obviously just curious tis all.
3 Likes
If he’s taking the clothes off, washing them and using clothes he has for child while there then just putting the clean outfit you sent child in back on to send back to you then I don’t see the issue. I stopped sending my daughter in good clothes bc I usually never got them back and it wasn’t even close to as nice of clothes that she was being sent back in so I’d be happy if I were getting back the outfit I sent her in. Now if he’s just keeping child in the same outfit the entire time then yea there’s a problem but there’s nothing wrong with him making sure you get the outfit you sent back even if it’s putting child back in it before bringing child to you.
3 Likes
Growing up that’s what my parents did.
I had clothes for mom’s house/school (since she had custody) and had clothes for dads house. It was always a big ass fight about it. 
Apply for child support. I’m assuming you’re American… I don’t understand the hesitation of American women to put the father of their children on child support (if anyone would like to explain?). In Australia, if the father is on the birth certificate, and the parents are not together (and the mother has primary custody), the father pays child support. He should be helping to cover the cost of raising his children. Regardless of whether you earn more money or not.
1 Like
I don’t understand the question
Are you assuming he isn’t changing her outfit?
Or are you wanting her sent back in the clothes you bought?
Maybe he has clothes and is making sure you get the clothes back?
Is your child being returned happy and healthy in one piece?
Stop being petty
3 Likes
I’m a tad confused
Are these 2 different issues
First issue the clothes
Do they come home clean
It won’t hurt for a kid to stay in the same clothes for one or two days
As for him buying baby needs
He has to step up and buy them
He also needs to help take the pressure off you
3 Likes
If he’s not adequately taking caring of the child like providing food, diapers, clothing then you need to take him to court.
You’re a single mama now and yes it’s hard but look into childcare to give yourself a break.
You don’t need him and if he wants to see the child that’s fine but he also needs to PROVIDE for the child and it’s not okay that he just coasts by.
You are doing all of the hard parenting work so you need to get on your kids rights as well as custody asap.
2 Likes
The least concerning thing are the clothes right now. You need to set up a custody arrangement, child support agreement, etc. honestly considering he isn’t buying things for her, it’s probably good he sends her back in your clothes or else he may slowly end up having half of your clothes for her at his place 
I share custody of one of my kids and we just take the others parents clothes, wash them and toss them in a Walmart bag (because those things are always around) and then hand them back the next time she sees that parent.
I would be more bothered if he was taking off the nice clothes and returning child in gross clothes.
As far as support goes you’re going to have to decide if the cost of court is worth it, and if he will ever actually pay.
2 Likes
This is typical? We’ve always washed my step daughters clothes when she got home and throughout we dressed her in the things we have for her and then the day she goes to her other home she wears what she wore from her moms
5 Likes
I mean coming from a blended household , my step kids get sent right back home in the clothes they came in AFTER I’ve washed them. their mom never gives our clothes back and we always sent hers back so we started realizing this was the only way or we would end up with NO clothes or having to keep buying them over and over. But my husband also pays child support . I feel like the least this guy can do is send the baby home in a new set of clothes but you really should just go to court and get a court order . It makes it 100x easier . You won’t have to fight about what’s fair and what your son deserves !
5 Likes
I do the same with my kids when they go to their dads otherwise they don’t come back with my clothes or they eventually get given back to me but are completely ruined and yes it does prevent fighting about the clothes as long as they are cleaned
1 Like
If he is only having his daughter for the day and sends her back in the same clothes it’s obviously not a problem but if he has her for the night and he isn’t changing her clothes that’s un-hygienic and lazy.
If he doesn’t want to help when you ask him to help give him the option to start paying child support so you don’t have to constantly ask him to buy things for the baby and the child support money will go directly into your account.
3 Likes
This is what my bf and I do with his daughter…since we’ve sent nicer clothes back home that we’ve paid for and not gotten them back we have a “going back and forth outfit” we wash it before she goes home and she just wears the same outfit home
1 Like
Get use to being a single parent
He want visits he need to provide kid clothes if he don’t
Don’t send kid if he can’t be bothered to be responsible
Maybe get court orders
1 Like
you aren’t frustrated about the clothes, you are frustrated in general (and probably hurt and exhausted too) so deep breaths, give
yourself some love then focus on getting custody and a parenting plan established. it will always be a relationship with frustrations so the sooner you guys work thru it n figure out a coparenting rhythm the better off for everyone involved.
5 Likes
Not sure the issue. This is what we do with my son and his old foster mama (we adopted him). She loves having him most weekends and some holidays so she just buys her own clothes for him so we don’t have to pack all the time. She changes his clothes and washes the ones we sent him in and sends him back in the same clothes. Keeps us from ending up with miss matching outfits. Doesn’t seem like anything to pick a fight over.
As far as him not paying child support, I suggest taking him to court and getting a parenting plan down on paper legally.
5 Likes
Do you have court ordered custody, visitation? If not he doesn’t see her at all. You both need a clear agreement so both of you know what is expected & is enforceable.
As far as your question. I believe he’s responsible for her needs on his time. I also believe she should be returned in a clean, decent outfit. That way neither of you loose clothes. I think expecting him to wash the outfit you send her in so she’s returned in it is ridiculous. Personally I wouldn’t remember anyway. I wouldn’t want my child returned to me in dirty clothes. Then since she’s a baby there’s always those last second blow outs, spit ups etc. I’d rather he keep the dirty outfit, wash it & use it next weekend. Don’t send her in clothes that are special or expensive.
1 Like
You can leave him a message that He needs to step up and help pay for diapers etc or you are going to have him pay child support…
No this is not a big deal. I think you should appreciate that he sends them back. Most don’t they keep the clothes and send kids back in old rags. He should put her in his clothes during visits and wash the outfit she came in then put her back in the clean outfit when it’s time to go home. Now I do suggest going to court since he refuses to help financially.
5 Likes
We always had seperate clothes, shoes, toys etc for each home and the girls were always sent back with the clothes they wore. Sometimes there wasn’t enough time to wash them.
If we ever sent any of the clothes, toys etc they would never come back. You need a parenting agreement for child support and conditions. Try to work it out with the Dad so your son isn’t impacted. Amicable is so much better for Everyone 
Clothes are the child’s not the adults. Who cares if they keep the clothes your baby still gonna be there the next weekend. Clothes are clothes but yes he should be changing them is she spending the night. Maybe he washes them before putting them on. Just file for Childsupport and be done
1 Like
Seriously? Mine would send back clothes the wrong size bc he’d dump my son at a family members house. Smh I’d have been thrilled to get clothes back.
If he isn’t playing, that’s your fault. If you haven’t set up visitation, that’s your fault.
Do both.
As for the clothes, who cares?
5 Likes
Stop sending your child to him be a single mom and don’t put your kid through that file for child support and if he wants to see the child explain that you expect him to clean and wash the baby and return the baby with clean clothes. Do not let him do it again your a grown up speak your mind to him and also make it clear what you need
6 Likes
I imagine he washes them? We have my partners daughter every other weekend and then send her back in the clothes she came in otherwise you’d be constantly asking for things back? If he doesn’t buy those things send her without them, then he’ll have to? If your genuinely concerned that he doesn’t put clean clothes on her etc, don’t send her…
6 Likes
You have a long road ahead of you. 
3 Likes
You’re frustrated & complaining about clothes !?? Pick your battles girl, most aren’t worth the stress; like clothes. Make him pay child support if that makes YOU happy. Otherwise, if he ain’t shiiiii …. You’re wasting your time stressing about him & clothes & get the court involved.
9 Likes
He works yet doesn’t pay supp? Why?
3 Likes
Makes me wonder if his even feeding her…just how old is this child? You said diapers and bottles…maybe she’s too young to be going over there…you also need to set up child support…it took two to make this child…it will take you both to support it…
4 Likes
Sounds like decent co parenting. Definitely not something I’d complain about if it were me
7 Likes
These comments show that the bar for fathers is so, so low Mama, he is not attuned to your child’s needs, and I’d be concerned is he feeding her properly? Changing diapers often enough? Interacting w/her, or is visitation just a power move? You may need to lawyer up ASAP
10 Likes
I would send my child over with the clothes on his back. During the course of their visit he would do a load of washing and ensure they were clean and dry and ready to wear when I was due to pick him up.
It was a bit hard initially but we got in the swing of it. He does this with his daughters mother now too. Just to avoid clothes going between houses and losing things ect. Makes it easier
4 Likes
Should he? I think you’re missing the bigger picture.
He is sending her back. She is clothed. There are bigger things in this life then to be upset and frustrated about the things that are out of your control.
Maybe there is a different solution to this. I use to be a single mom and in your shoes.
At some point you get tired of what doesn’t change and you make the changes. Maybe if you prepared yourself ahead of time your baby was going to come home in the same clothes, then you save yourself some frustration.
If you’re wanting him to help with the week or money, file for support.
3 Likes
Go to court for child support. Thats the important thing here. It can really affect your kids childhood not having enough $$. Some families are ordered by court to do clothes that way(someone im very close too anyway).
3 Likes
As long as they are clean I don’t see an issue
1 Like
Yes and no. Maybe be selective. I have that exact same scenario from the clothes to what he helps provide. My son’s dad has ended up with hundreds of dollars worth of clothes I bought from my name brand job because he’ll send him back in the clothes that are 3 years too small that he’s kept. He doesn’t buy him clothes for his house at all. I see a lot of people saying it’s not a big deal at least he’s sending the child back clothed, but I understand how nerve racking it is. My solution was going to Walmart and making a cheap ‘go to your dad’s house’ wardrobe.
We always did. He has his stuff at his house and I had mine. No need to share. Our son needed stuff at his house! He had visitation rights, every other weekend and 1 day during the week. Never asked for extra help, never raised child support didnt even asked for it but was forswd with divorce. He needs to live to and take care of our child when he has him! Nor did I ever deny him if he wanted extra time or switch days.
2 Likes