Should exs girlfriend be listed as stepmom on children’s school paperwork?

Should exs girlfriend be listed as stepmom on children’s school paperwork?

Ex-husband listed girlfriend of 9 months as Stepmom on school paperwork. I took offense to this because she is not the stepmom and I don’t want the school addressing her as such. I have only met her a handful of times with only one conversation ever. So when I seen this on the school paperwork I crossed it out and put friend. My ex messaged me upset because I did this and stated I’m minimizing her and she is going to be their stepmom and there is nothing I can do to stop it (I am remarried at this point not trying to stop anything). I replied after they tied the knot I would gladly respect and accept her as stepmom. I did this in a group chat and was at first respectful to which she called me petty. She did use her status with the school system to get my kids in this school at exs request because they have been in this same school for the past 4 years ( I moved to a different county after a house sale fell thru) I’m thankful and expressed this but because I didn’t address her as stepmom she feels disrespected. Did I address this correctly he seen me put friend when we registered the kids and nothing was said till now.

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Unpopular opinion here…
Maybe there weren’t a whole lot of options to choose from on the paperwork?

I had to be listed as an official “contact” just for pickup /drop off reasons and the school system here requires a whole lot of documentation for anyone picking up kids or you can’t pick pick up… I was added by the father (my fiancé) because I was the ine doing drop off and pickup due to work schedules and i was automatically listed as a last resort emergency contact as well…
the options on the form were pretty limited: mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, stepmother, stepfather aunt, uncle, brother, sister or a few others, none of which were ideal, like a licensed day care center and so on and no blank “fill in your own title” either… :woman_shrugging:

After 9mos of being together I still find that way too soon to consider herself stepmother unless they’re engaged or getting married soon. This is something they should have discussed with you prior to filling out paperwork.

Your ex is insane, let’s not forget the influence that sluts have in men, you did good by listing her as friend, she is not a Stepmom, and she won’t be until/if they get married, that’s so effin stupid, I feel bad for you, I have to deal with my husband’s ex all the time and it’s the worst

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should exs girlfriend be listed as stepmom on children’s school paperwork?

No , she doesn’t need to be on the paperwork

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Umm 9 months is a very short time when it comes to kids and they are not married.

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Dude you extra petty. It’s okay for her to use stepmom when it got you what you needed but now it’s not okay just because you don’t like it? Gtfoh. She is trying to be involved and you are acting like the bitter ex.

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No, gfs come and go no matter if it’s a long-term relationship

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Umm… no ! I wouldn’t be cool with that either . They aren’t married .

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No he shouldn’t have put her as step mom on any kind of paper work. 9 months isn’t a long time being with some one out them on any kind of paper that has to do with children.

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If they’re not married, that’s a hard no.

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If she is actively in the child’s life and helps take care of the child being married should not define her roll… if she stepped up she is a step mom imo

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If the mother isn’t heavily involved yes I’d agree but if she’s a proper mother as in day n day out with the kids then no xx

No. They aren’t even engaged. I was listed on my exes paperwork as someone that could come have lunch or pull his son out. I was listed after only a few months of dating and even the next year when we weren’t together. But his son and I were super close and they trusted me. Listing her as a stepmom though is kind of weird. And not asking you is even more weird

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I will just say that I have been listed as spouse / step parent. Wich allows the school to contact & speak with me. And I can pick kids up

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Food for thought… it’s not about a title it’s about the love/care/safety the child receives. Titles r so out dated :woman_shrugging:t2:.

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You’re both being petty

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Im just gonna say me and my bf have been together 6 years and I won’t even put him down on my own paperwork because we’re not married. So hard no when it comes to children

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I mean if they are engaged maybe otherwise def no!!!

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I was that girl…the daughter called me stepmother and he didn’t mind. But I always said until it’s official it doesn’t go on anything like that. I can be an emergency contact if needed, but not listed as the stepmom.

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She isn’t legally step mom until they get married. On top of that there’s a law that protects at least where I live so that she can’t be listed until they’re married because of spiteful girlfriends who after a breakup kidnap the kids from school. The school shouldn’t have even allowed it without talking to you first.

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Let’s just say not everyone wants to get married, doesn’t mean they love each other any less than a married couple, let’s get that straight.

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She should be listed as an emergency contact in case but not stepmom. Not until they’re at least engaged. Is that even legal to do?

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She’s not their stepmother. It was a lie. He could have called her partner.

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I would have lost my shit .

As a stepmom I say no way. Not unless they’re married.

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Coming from a legal standpoint that is falsifying documents. Unless they are legally married she cannot be listed as a stepparent. You did the right thing.

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My sons father and future wife have been together since my son was 6 months old…. He is five now.
I would not be ok with someone being involved as a “step mom” when they haven’t been around long enough to earn that title.

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Definitely not! I am a step mom and bio mom and totally disagree with putting girlfriend on there as step mom. Did he ask you?

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If she’s the reason your kids are in that school then yes. Otherwise you just used her to get what you wanted. At least show them you respect their relationship.

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Marriage has nothing to do with a title as important as step mom.

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She’s not the step mom. She could walk out tomorrow.

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9 months isn’t enough time in MY opinion BUT not everyone gets married that doesn’t mean they’re involved any less or any less committed. People who think a marriage certificate is necessary crack me up. :rofl:

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I mean, I can see your point, but it also might have been just a formality? A “friend” might not be sufficient to be an emergency contact or a pick-up person for a school.

Regardless, you’re entitled to feel how you feel about it. And she isn’t the stepmom, so…

Legally you have to be married to be considered a stepmom. He’s falsifying documents.

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Does she do everything a “legal” stepmom would do. Is she there for your child(ren) in the way another parent should be? I feel the role of a Stepmom is more emotional and physical than a tangible piece of paper.

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Unpopular opinion here … Me and my fiancé are not married and I am on all the paperwork as her stepmom . Even before we where engaged. I am the one who takes care of her , who loves her , who does her homework feed her bathe her shop for her but her to bed teach her everything and anything. Most of all I love her . A piece of paper is not going to change that.

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That’s a hard No for me. If she were his wife, then of course, no problem. But she’s a girlfriend, not a stepmother.

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I’m listed as my bonus sons step mom and emergency contact 1st on all paperwork and what not.
I’m not married to his father yet. But we’ve been together for 4 years

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9 months isn’t very long. I could see if they were together years and just didn’t want to get married maybe.

I think it truely depends on where ex and said girlfriends relationship is at. Some couples… maybe. Others probably not. If they’re just dating then no. If they’re engaged and/or super serious than maybe.

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I wouldn’t want to be listed as stepmom on my boyfriend’s daughter’s school paperwork because I’m not her stepmom. All I am is her dad’s girlfriend until and IF we get married

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If they get married then she’s step mom. If not then she’s a girlfriend and needs to stay in her lane.

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Absolutely freaking not! Ex needs to chill out, his girlfriend of 9MONTHS is not their stepmother until he marries her, end of story end of conversation.

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In Ontario after 1 year of living together you are common law married or if you have a child and live together are automatically common law so I wouldn’t care like what does the wording matter

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An emergency contact is one thing. Like if your ex needs her to pick the kids up from school and she needs to be listed as approved ok cool. But I don’t see why she needed the title stepmother if they are not married. Is she involved as much as a parent though. Because if she acts like a good stepmother and they are engaged this is also different

You did nothing wrong. She should have been listed as a family friend at best. Until they are married that is not a title she should go by. Especially after only 9 months. Not saying she isn’t taking care of them and meeting their needs just saying she is overreaching at this point in time.

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When it comes to children it should only be the parents on it ie dad and mum
Dad and dad
Mum and mum etc

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But she isn’t their stepmom?!?? No, I would have done the same as you did. When she’s their step mom, she will be stated as such…until then, she’s daddy’s girlfriend and shouldn’t even be on their paperwork at all, weather she helped get them in that school or not.

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They aren’t t married not considered step mom. Its you mom she’s 2nd fiddle when married.

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My long term bf is listed as other. She is not married to him, she is not step mom. You aren’t wrong.

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Depends how long they have been together and how active she is in the child life. My daughters dads girlfriend is on there and I’m the one that puts her on there. Before I married my husband I was on his kids school paperwork as well and their mom put me on it. So it all depends how your family dynamic is. If she is just some random girl trying to play mommy I say hell no.

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Honestly this is a tough one in my opinion. I was 100% no up to the point I read that she (girlfriend) helped get the kids into the school. I’m guessing using her address or something. But crossing out stepmom and writing in “friend” is a bit much too. Before doing that, maybe you could have called him and said I’m not comfortable using stepmom for your girlfriend just yet. And come to and agreement on what to list her as.

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She is not their stepmother, simple! She should.know her role and respect your authority.

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If she isn’t married to him she’s a girlfriend, otherwise known as friend. If he’s upset about it, he’s knows how to fix it. She isn’t a legal parent to them.

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If he is sure let him marry her and u will gladly give her the tittle. But how many step mum’s wll u put on that list​:woman_facepalming:t5::woman_shrugging:t5:

Wife is just a status… doesn’t mean anything. If the girlfriend has a good relationship with the child or children I don’t see the issue… not all wives are interested in the step children…

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I deal with this crap I hate it she’s on everything I don’t think she should be they are not married so until then no

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Obviously, this person is just trying to pacify the new love interest…without any concern about her children’s love for their Father…

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You aren’t in the wrong. She’s just the girlfriend until they’re married. It’s great that she accepts them and all… But legally she is more so a family friend until they’re married. Plain and simple.

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I don’t list my son’s dad SO on any paper but then again I don’t list him either bc they live 2 states away and I’m a SAHM. It’s been that way since K5 and now he’s starting 8th grade. I’ve always been in control with his school stuff. Also as far as I know he is okay with it bc I keep him updated in everything

Uh, no. She’s not stepmom, yet. She doesn’t need to be on the paper work, YET. In the future, absolutely. After only 9 months? No. No. No.

9months is a short time I don’t care about titles but the only reasons is what if they broke up and she’s a crazy bird and goes to the school and is able to take the kid/s out because she’s listed as a stepmom ?? Unless married or been together longer I personally wouldn’t. As an emergency contact yes but other than that it’s pretty uncomfortable in my opinion as a mom for me… if it ain’t the same to you good no judgement but for me it is to early :woman_shrugging:t2: but whatevs

Grow up and don’t argue…the kids are the ones affected. Not your pride. If he married her, she is the stepmom. Get a grip.

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Nope. I adore my BD’s girlfriend(now of 3 yrs) but she is still not my daughter’s stepmother(I call her “hopeful future bonus mother” to the school and therapists but that was just recently! 9 months is insane for him or her to believe that was okay!! My daughter’s hopeful bonus mom JUST got put on pick up papers ONLY. Anything else she is not put down at all.

I’m going to play devils advocate here, You mentioned she used her “status” with the school to get the kids in that school. She probably did so as their “stepmom” and that’s why it was used? Sounds like she is known in the school and the situation as well.

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In terms of school documents- the difference IS important. They aren’t married, she has no legal anything in regards to the children at this point. Also the school doesn’t give a shit who your girlfriend is. They want/need to know who the legal guardians are in the event of emergency. Until they make it official- She is irrelevant in terms of your children and the school.

You don’t have to be married for a relationship to be serious enough for your ex to call her your child’s stepmom. And you won’t have a lot of say in what he calls her with your kid around but that being said… its still really early in their relationship

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My grandchild’s father let his teenage gf(he was 28 and she barely turned 18) fill out all school correspondence. She removed me from being emergency contact and replaced with herself. At the time they were together less than a year. My daughter was in treatment at the time and had no idea until she got out. The gf told my granddaughter to address her as “mom”. But the sad thing about my situation is the gf was abusing my granddaughter. We did charge her with child abuse and now she lives with her mother. What a nightmare that was.

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Whether you put friend or step-mom, she has the same rights which are zero. So I think it’s petty to argue over a title that really doesn’t matter in the long run :woman_shrugging:t2: People get married after 6 months & people get divorced all the time or choose to never marry at all… so again, this seems petty on all sides. Dad is able to list responsible contacts just like you are, so let him fill in his portion & you fill in yours & stop crossing things off :woman_facepalming:t2: :heart: a step mom that has gone down this road too many times :upside_down_face::joy:

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You did the correct thing :relaxed:

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Nope. She’s not the step mom until they are married in my opinion. Or in a healthy relationship for a few years.

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My girlfriend is listed as step-mom on my kids school stuff but we have been together 7 years… 9 months is a short time I would agree with you.

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She deserves an apology. Simple.

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It is a little petty. If you dont care what he does & shes good to him I would leave it alone

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You are so right…I am old school, a gf is not a step mom and has no legal rights, soooo, should something happen at school, she as gf should in no way be notified, she can be listed as a contact or friend…I was grandma to nonbiological grandkids, and was not listed as grandma, but contact…friend…

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I dont see it as wrong. She is not the step mom until after marriage. You say that they have only been together 9 months that is way to quick for them to refer to her as stepmom. I could see if they were together for years but not months. My dad and his gf were together 40 yrs. Though never married i refer to her as my stepmom. My dad passed away 2 years ago and she is still a big part of my life and always will be.

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I’ve been with my bd for 4 years, have done pick ups, drop off, homework, school assignments, etc with his 2 older kids. We have a 19 month old together. However I’m STILL NOT on the school paperwork and I’m perfectly ok with that. At the end of the day that’s a conversation between him and the kids mom. Not for me to interfere. Buuuuuuuut i was with my ex before him abd I did the same things with his 2 kids as well and both & his bm put me on the paperwork as stepmom and we weren’t together that long yet either. But she also didn’t have a problem with it. She was perfectly happy with it. So honestly it just really depends on what YOU are comfortable with and your exes dating pattern. Do what YOU think is best. We only know so much. :blush::heart:

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She isn’t legally the stepmother and should not be listed as such until it is legal. It’s okay to be thankful for her help in getting the kids accepted into the school but also wait to give her the title until it is legal.

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I would let it pass if it was put down as an emergency contact, but if it’s stepmom, then no.
9 months is a short time and they aren’t married.

She could be crazy for all you know and they break up and she could use that to get the kids out of school or something.

That’s why you get married first. At least it’s a little more “safer” and set in stone

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They literally wouldn’t be in that school if it wasn’t for her, but you wanna be petty about how she’s listed on the school paperwork? If that’s the case withdraw them and send them to school in your own county.

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Ooooh someone sounds bitter.
Look maybe hes found something in her. So what if he lists her as step mom? Are you and ex hubby higher up on the emergency contact list? Do you feel threatened by her being listed as step mom? Otherwise why does it matter except for personal reasons?

Sorry I was emergency contact for my ex’s niece and nephew who he has raised. We were only together a year and a half maybe but I loved them. Cant count how many times I picked up a sick kid from school. I was called wife, mom, sister, nanny ect.
Girlfriend is such a childish term, I understand not wanting to write it on paperwork when were all adults.
As long as they know shes not actually their step mom I think that’s enough. I’d hope my ex’s new girl would be solid enough to want to be an emergency contact, be in their life, and able to pick up my babies if they’re sick and I nor dad were available.
What happened to being civil and co parenting? If the roles were reversed and you were the one writing in ‘stepdad’ and ex hubby reacted as you have? Would you feel okay about it? I sincerely doubt it.

9 years and two people can have zero love for each other and some fall in love in 9 months.
If shes good to yalls kid, reliable, and plans to be in their life as a step parent eventually what’s the big deal? All that matters in this is the kids, not your bruised and clearly jealous/bitter ego hun. Get a grip and grow up sheesh.

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They should be happy she is on the paperwork and able to help the title shouldn’t matter to them. Plus it’s only nine months and anything can still happen in their relationship. I wasn’t listed on my step kids papers until my fiancé and I were together for two years and that’s when he asked me if it was okay and talked to his ex wife because we were already living together and for a while he just put girlfriend which honestly I didn’t care. I love them to death and the title doesn’t bother me. Honestly I want to be there for the kids as an extra person who loves them if their parents can’t make it weather it’s an emergency or they are sick and need someone to pick them up.

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I would say that if they are not married then her name shouldn’t be on the papers. I was told by my son’s school that his father’s name (sperm donor) doesn’t mean anything on the papers, I told them that he only has visits of my son and that I don’t want them to ever let him take my son so his school will never let anybody take my son without checking with me first.

I think it all depends on situation ,my step children live with me and I am the one that knows the in and out when it comes to school ,dr and etc so I am step mom but I am also emergency call info as well as husband

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I actually went through this the whole time my daughter was in elem school. She would over step and volunteer, try to go on field trips, signed up for PTA… she was just my EXs girlfriend and this was over stepping. I am in the picture live 3 miles from them and the school, we share custody. They never saw it my way and was like beating a wall to even get them to understand my point. Meanwhile I am remarried with more children and I don’t put my husband on anything because he is not my daughters father. Its an annoying situation, I’ve been there. Keep standing your ground - if you don’t they will keep doing more and more. Also, make sure its known to the school staff.

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I agree that they shouldn’t be mad. If they were married it would be totally different… However, as someone who doesn’t believe in marriage for myself :sweat_smile:, I also believe in common law partners. They’ve only been dating for 9 months & I highly doubt they’ve been living together the whole time. Even IF they were, in most states that do consider common law partners they would need to live together for at least a year. My partner and I have been living together for well over 4 years, have a 1 yr old together & 1 on the way, to make things easier for us I am listed as step mom on school and Dr paperwork. Our oldest bio mom doesn’t like that reference and says I shouldn’t even refer to her as “ours” until we are married. But since I met my partner I became responsible for many things the mother should do. Taking her to school, making sure she has lunch money, school supplies, clothes, most out of my pocket. Mom comes and goes, disappears for months at a time without a word then pops up on mothers day to ensure I don’t take her day. She also wanted one of her b.f to adopt my bonus daughter at one point but my partner refused. If they’re still together a yr from now and living together keep an open mind, but for now, i say that you are in the right. They need to accept if and quit being petty themselves.

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No one belongs on school paperwork but the parents. If the parents can agree that significant others or spouses can also be included, then and ONLY then should it be allowed. It causes too much conflict so keep it to the legal and only the legal parents/guardians.

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I’m listed as my bonus kids stepmom on their school papers, doctors, etc… we’ve been together 4 years and engaged 3. Their mother addresses me as their stepmother as well. I guess everyone is different but I do think 9 months is a little soon.

I mean I use the “stepmom” title because I did everything for my stepkids for school. I’ve been with their dad for 3 years and we intend on getting married. His ex even referred to me as their stepmom once though I know she doesnt like it. But I was a firm and constant presence in their schooling the past 2 years because the first year they werent in school due to their mom not letting them attend. Which set them back alot. My bf and I fought hard to get them into school. So whether she likes it or not yes I AM the stepmom. I’m the one that cares for them when he’s away at work. What else would I be? A babysitter? I’m not getting payed to raise them with my own children. Love them like my own children. Or make sacrifices for them like my own children. So yes. I AM the stepmom. And if his girlfriend is all in on the raising and teaching and doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere then why be upset?

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Petty! If she’s a good person and good to your kids, does it really even matter?!

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no, she is not legally their step-mom which means if something happens, (i don’t know about the hospitals in your area but this applies to mine) she cannot pick them up from school and take them to the hospital, she cannot be contacted or held responsible for truancy, or any other disciplinary action— which means there is no reason for her to be listed. someone w/ legal relation to the children should have been listed.

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It’s kinda petty from your part to put FRIEND … not many people go about living as a couple with a FRIEND do they?? People need to b adressed as they are, she is a Girlfriend so maybe that’s what you should have put instead of only “ friend ”… and no, she ain’t officially a stepmother yet Caz they ain’t married…let’s call everything by their names and it should get easier…plus why put her in school paperwork when the child has both parents to advocate for him\her…if he wanted to put his gf in the paperwork he should have asked you.

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Honestly I would just mind my business if I were you I don’t see why it matter so much

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I think you were petty… she helped with the kids and got them in a school you wanted, If he is saying she will be around then no need for you to act like this

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I would say no she shouldn’t be listed as step-mom!! Definitely not and that doesn’t make you bitter. They’ve been together for only 9 months…NOPE

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Until we got married i put my husband down as partner, my daughter knows who her dad is and did not like when people called him her dad. I did it because it made my child uncomfortable not me.

Nope she ain’t stepmother id make clear to school she isn’t and she’s not to be on any contact sheets or able to make any decisions. But then again me and my sons father have it worked out that he’s the father I’m the mother and only us can make decisions as far as school goes but my husband and his gf are emergency contacts but they are after me him and my mom

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I don’t see why you care. It’s just a name. Sounds petty to me. If she’s playing the part, why not? You’re bothered too much about nothing honestly. I never married my ex and I called his son step son and I was his step mom. It’s just a title and you’re being petty.

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