You don’t have to be married to be a step parent you need to be in a committed relationship and by any chance do you call your husband or partner stepfather sounds like you want the final say with everything when it should be shared parenting between parents
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I would just make sure she is not on the release papers, so if you are not comfortable she is not allowed to be picking your child up from school without your knowledge or permission
My boyfriend is listed as stepdad on her paper work. Along with myself and her daddy. We aren’t married. If something happened he wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone at the school if they were unable to get ahold of me, if he was just listed at “friend” or “boyfriend”
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Its a name on a paper. Means nothing else could have put girlfriend but a nother peice of paper “marriage license” doesn’t make her anything different as a step parent. Its emergency contacts. So not sure why you would pick something so small to argue over. So yes to me this is very petty. Pick your battles.
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My kids starting calling my ex husband stepdad after we were married. Before we was married they called him Parker lol
Honestly, I think you’re being a little petty. Pick your battles. I’d let this one go.
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De facto partner, meaning living together in a committed relationship. You don’t have to be married to be a step parent. If she is taking this role seriously and helping with the kids, I dont see a problem with her being labeled as “step mom” 
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First off if they are not married, there is absolutely no reason to list her as stepmother. They only started dating 9 months ago. I’m shocked the school even allowed him to put her down as that (well thats what I am getting from this anyways.) My kiddos school will only let me put their step-dad down as friend since him and I are not married but been together for a LONG time. I would talk to him about it and address how you feel. The only petty one here is the ones commenting negative stuff and calling you petty. I personally would be upset. 9 months isn’t long to claim that stepparent role in my eyes and I don’t care what others think neither.
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Think of how it looks on the schools end. I’d be like whoa what’s that story.
That’s embarrassing. I would’ve let it go
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I mean, marriage doesn’t signify that. Be happy someone loves your kids. She’s a step mommy regardless of how many times YOU have met her or your stance on their relationship. Girl it’s time to drop that need for control. This is life, and there is nothing you can do about it.
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Yes you’re in the wrong. Plenty of people choose not to get married or to wait for whatever reason, it doesn’t make her less of a stepparent if she’s actively being one. Sounds like you need to grow up.
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My husband was listed as “Mother’s Significant Other” until we got married.
This lady is delusional. Keep your kids away from her. 9 months isn’t enough time to then call yourself a stepparent.
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Only being in the picture for 9 months is pretty quick to have kids that invested in a relationship, its not smart or fair for the children, but it’s also not your place to decide that for their father
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I would be mad. 100% because my ex jumps from girl to girl and moves to quick so that would piss me off
Here’s how I look at it…I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and he’s been around my daughter since she was 9 months. Her dad is in her life and gets her every other weekend. We live almost an hour away from each other so my husband is on everything and because if anything was to happen then they can contact him at any given point. They are cool with each other. Her dad has a girlfriend but I wouldn’t want her on anything until they got married. But if you feel that you don’t want her on there then I guess take it to court if it’s that big of a deal
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Hmm as a step parent myself (unmarried) I definitely still class myself as a stepmum, however I don’t feel after 9 months the relationship has proved its course… so I would maybe say that after 18m/2 years you are willing to accept her being labelled step mum but not before then… Until then she is dad’s girlfriend. My OH & I have been together 10 years and aren’t married but I have had a hand in raising his child since she was 2, through nappies, toilet training, bed wetting, illnesses & everything else that goes with it so I very much feel I’m one of her parents.
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Her title to anyone doesn’t affect you at all. You’re being petty
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Yeah. Grow up. A lot of times, out of the options available, stepmom or stepdad is best choice. It tells the school that the parent and stepparent are living together and providing care together for the child.
Besides, marriage isn’t a requirement to be a family.
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I know that before my husband and I got married, almost 5 years ago, his ex never put me down as step mother. And even stated I was nothing to their daughter and had no say so in anything. However after we got married she stated the same thing, even though legally I am step mother since we are married now. But yet my husbands ex put step father down for her boyfriend and let’s him be involved in everything and they aren’t even married. My husband though had no issue with it other then the fact that she is contradicting herself when it comes me not being allowed to do things but her boyfriend is. I don’t take offense to it cause at this point I figure it’s not worth arguing about. Even though his ex and her boyfriend have been together for 4 months longer then me and my husband. I even got the whole I was the cause of their breakup even though they got together before my husband and his exes first wedding anniversary. When I didn’t even meet him until a month after they separated.
Where’s the ring??? Or is this common law. If the later, shes no girl friend
We have full custody of my step son. His mom has every other weekend. She is not on any paperwork. I am. Because he lives with us. She doesn’t have any rights to paperwork or final decisions. She can be at conferences and events.
I’m not married to my partner and I consider him my kids’ stepdad. We’ve been together for 9 years and have 2 kids together but just haven’t gotten married yet. The legality of it doesn’t really matter to me.
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9 months isn’t long enough for that title…yet
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She shouldn’t have been listed as stepmom, but it was also petty to mark it out and put “friend”. Y’all are all being silly, tbh.
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Me n my kids daddy current wife have no issues…we learned to get along…
I trust her more than I do him and love her to pieces because she’s good to my kids
I think that you should have had a talk with your ex about why he put step mom and changed it after. Crossing it out and putting friend is kinda childish and petty. She’s obviously not his friend and you obviously feel some type of way about her. Regardless of how long they’ve been together it’s easy to see you don’t like this woman for some reason but your not the one who needs to like her. I bet your kids like her and those the only options that actually matter, not yours.
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She used the status stepmom to help your your family so that your kids could stay in the same district instead of having to change and you crossed it out on school forms?
Why couldn’t dad enroll them?
Sounds petty to me.
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It’s need to be officially married first, so No.
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She is not the stepmom! What happens if the relationship goes south? Do you tell the school and the kids, they’re getting a new “stepmom” when he’s involved with someone else?! There hasn’t been enough time invested in the relationship to give her that title. She has to earn it!
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Same thing happened to me. And to make it worse she makes my kids call her mommy and call me by my name. I was so upset and their dad did nothing about it.
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I don’t agree with you.
If they’re serious, then she’s already committed herself to being in the step mom roll.
But it’s a discussion you should have had between the 4 of you, not being petty and crossing it out on forms.
A ring changes fuck all, how many couples get divorced?
You’ve already divorced your ex husband… maybe he doesn’t plan on re marrying?
Get to know her, make the effort, so you can stop being apprehensive.
Petty is the right word
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I don’t see an issue with her being on the school paperwork. I was on my stepkids paperwork ever since I got with their dad even when I was the girlfriend. I was also that parent that stayed home with the kids so if they got sick or needed to come home. The school always called me to come pick them up. So honestly I don’t see an issue here.
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Everything you need to know about the maturity of the OP is in the sentence, “When I SEEN…” 
Clearly not the inside of a book.
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They are NOT married therefore she is NOT step mom!!! I am a step mom I was not listed as such until we got married it was always fiancé or girlfriend prior to marriage. Mom and dad should be listed then anyone else
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What gives you the right to dictate her status as a step mother? A piece of paper does NOT define a step mother. You crossed out what DAD and his partner handled? You have some serious issues that you need to grab ahold of. I feel bad for your child, their father and the bonus mom, you’re a tool!
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Why change it. She’s going to be the stepmother soon enough. What if she has to pick the kids up at school? Isn’t it easier??
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Are you using her address to have your children go to the school? If so, it makes complete sense why he would put her on the school paperwork. Obviously he feels that he’s going to marry her and you will have to get use to it. If you don’t like her, you shouldn’t have taken help from her. Can’t have it both ways. If she’s good to your kids, be grateful and move on.
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No. It’s a legal thing. Proper titles are there for a legal reason and if she doesnt have the paperwork to back up the title, she doesnt get the place on the paperwork. If your child were injured and she was the only person they could get in contact with the school could get in trouble for listening to her when she doesnt have proper authority. It’s not a petty bitchy thing, it’s a legal thing.
I understand your exes position, I’ve been in the same boat. But when it comes down to it, you have to take the emotions out of the situation and fill out the forms CORRECTLY. She can be added in other ways, but they should always accurately reflect the true situation for the safety and well being of the child, as well as the ease of communication and u understand for the staff caring for the child. It is in your child’s best interest that the information be reflected correctly.
(If I was in his shoes, I would accept her title being changed to friend because it is currently and accurate representation of the situation. It can always be changed an adjusted as needed.)
a GIRLFRIEND would NEVER have the right to register MY kids. fuck that shit!! of 9 months?? of a few years MAYBE but 9 months. say they break up now u got a “step mom” on your kids shit when she aint shit. smh
quoting my then 10 yr old child to his Dad’s 100th live in girlfriend in 9 years “When you been around a full year we will talk” LOL!
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Parent with full custody should be named first, then the other parent and then anyone else. There’s only 3 people listed on my son’s paperwork, Me(full time carer), the father, and my friend who has been involved since my son was 6 weeks old(now 5 1/2 years old). This friend of mine has always attended appointments etc for my son and done pick up/drop off when I couldn’t. She even has my son overnight now when needed. My son has always called her Aunty because of how active she is in his life but she still goes by friend on paperwork because she’s not Aunty by blood
I’ve been with my sons father for 6 years. He is going into 3rd grade and since kindergarten I’ve been on his paperwork for emergency contact as his step mom. We are getting married this Friday BUT a piece of paper isn’t dictating my role in my step sons life.
I don’t see harm in her being listed under an emergency contact on school paperwork labeled as step mom as long as mom, and dad are listed first.
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I wouldn’t put her on any paperwork tbh. If they were married, yes but they aren’t.
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Having been the girlfriend in the Stepmom position, if they are living together and she is helping take care of your children, she’s basically stepmom. Honestly just leave it alone. Now if they aren’t living together anymore like that then yeah sure you have a right to say no to that, but the end of the day that is up see your ex and his girlfriend. Again I’ve been in that position I was a stay-at-home mom to all four of our kids, while just being"the girlfriend". I had those boys for a month at a time every other month, I would have been pissed about not having the Stepmom titled considering I was doing all of the parenting when we had our boys. Again having been in that position and being a mom knowing my kids could eventually have step mom as well, you are being petty
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So she’s good enough to pull strings and you weren’t worried about that at all and now you are worried about being politically correct as it relates to a title?
PETTY
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If they’re getting married you’re being petty
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I put stepdad on my kids papers even though we arent married. We been together almost 4 years. Started this after a year into relations ship I believe. It avoids confusion I feel. Their dad never had a problem. Long as the kids get picked up by someone we trust and loves them is all that matters.
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The petty part is the friend that you put down. Girlfriend would be correct terminology. I agree not step mom till it’s official.
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I honestly think it’s situation dependent. My ex husband has been with his girlfriend for 3 years. She is listed as step mom on my daughters stuff and I dislike her with a passion, but I’m understanding and I’m okay with that. And my boyfriend is listed as either moms boyfriend or step dad depending on how old the paperwork is and my ex is okay with it. It requires communication, compassion and understanding to co parent. I hate my ex and his new girl but you’d never know that if you saw us around our daughter.
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My ex had his girlfriend listed too and she even comes to parent teacher conferences… drives me nuts but I don’t make an issue out of it
She is helping you get your kids into the school you want, she is being a parent to kids that she didn’t birth, she is a step mom. Married or not. A piece of paper stating that she is married doesn’t make her a step mom. Her taking care of your kids make her a step mom. I think what you did was out of jealousy and being petty.
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Why is she listed at all? The only people who need to be listed are mom and dad.
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If he plans on marrying her, yes. If she’s temporary, then no.
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If she’s solid….and it sounds as if she is…and they see her as stepmom, be grateful!! I promise you it takes a village.
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You sound childish. My bf is listed as stepdad on my kids school stuff and I have 3 baby daddies and they all are grateful my bf is there for my child if we cant be. Grow up. If they live together then why fight it. Why cause yourself this problem when there doesnt need to be one
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I would put girlfriend not step mom
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Ummm get over it. He has been with his gf for 9 months and I dont think she is going anywhere anytime soon. So yes I dont see a issue with his gf being on the paper work as stepmom.
It’s for the kids sake . If there’s an emergency and they can’t get a hold of u or your husband or if the child needs to be picked up from school and her dad or u are not available . Stop your hard feelings and put the kids first
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I’m not a fan of giving SOs titles that aren’t real when it comes to kids. So I understand your reasoning. I HATE when my ex calls his girlfriend their step-mom and her kids their siblings. For me though, He’s STILL married to wife number 2 in the middle of a complicated divorce while “engaged” to a 3rd woman (having had multiple other live in girlfriends in between wives…me being wife #1)… So much so that despite my lack of remarriage at this point and zero live in boyfriends would still NOT want my kids to call any man I was dating their “step-dad” until that role was legal. So mamas cut her some slack here. Her children don’t have a stepmother just because her ex lives with a woman. The title doesn’t grant the love, and love doesn’t grant the title either to be honest.
Marriage might just be a “piece of paper” to some people, but it’s still a greater commitment than relying solely on emotions. Anyone who’s paid a fortune to get divorced KNOWS you don’t enter into another marriage lightly. It’s not as simple as packing your bags and moving out if the relationship goes sour or you “fall out of love”…. Being in a long term relationship with someone who has kids means YOUR commitment is just as much (if not more) important to those innocent small humans as it is to your significant other. Giving labels to someone who has given just “under” a full legal piece of paper commitment to, cheapens that importance.
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My ex’s girlfriend soon to be wife is listed as step mom. She helps take care of him. She does everything a mom would do so to me she is mom even if they were not getting married soon
Feel as you want and do as you please. After all as a Paralegal…until you’re married you are NOT a legal guardian and a step-parent is considered a legal guardian.
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9 months? No, not even close to being enough time to be “step mom” status. Unless married nobody but yourself and the father should be on that paperwork!
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No absolutely not!! She doesn’t need to have access to the child’s school records!!
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Depends on the situation. My boyfriend is listed as step dad on all paperwork. He’s taken care of and provided more for my boys in 2.5 years then their “father” has when we were married for 9 years! Dads “girlfriend” is listed as step mom. I personally don’t care much for her but she’s good to my kids and takes care of them like her own on the one day a week they go over there. I trust her more than I do My ex… Their “father” isn’t listed at all, he can’t be bothered with them and always makes excuses. If it weren’t for their step mom and grandmother on that side he probably wouldn’t want them at all.
She should be listed as dad’s girlfriend until she’s the actual step-mom. Words have literal meanings behind them. Girlfriend and wife are two different words with two different meanings. People kill me getting their feelings hurt by the dictionary.
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Chillax bro it’s just a word
What else should they have put? “Fathers girlfriend?”
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I put down partner on my kids paperwork,
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Be grateful you have someone else that you can count on to be there for your kid whenever you can’t be! Some of us have no one
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Doesn’t matter the title. If the school needs to call her I’m sure she will be there. Idk why people get worked up over titles!
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No she’s not the stepmom.
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She’s not stepmom.so no. She has no say over the kids.no authority whatsoever. Not legal
Legally she isn’t a stepmom so he shouldn’t put her as such on school paperwork until he married her cause who’s to say they won’t break up and then her name is still stepmom on papers…but it’s your feelings and opinions so don’t let people make them seem invalid.
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Your petty get over it. Not that big a deal. Is she involved with the kids, there in his parenting time, live with him, involved with the kiddoes. Does she love then,do they love her or at least get along well with her.??? If the answer is yes to the majority of these questions then leave it be. The more people they have around them that want to love them and protect them the better. It takes a village…don’t be the petty ex. Don’t make your children feel guilty through your attitude and language toward her. Don’t make them feel like they have to choose one ove the other. It will backfire and will hurt you in the long run.
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I put my partner down as step dad on my kids school paper work before we were married
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You sound petty . Lol
I put my bf on the list cause he helps me incase I can’t pick up my daughter and if my ex wants to be scratching his name off I’d make him handle the WHOLE school shit
I was with a guy for almost 6years. We both had kids from previous relationships and one together. When filling out school papers I always listed myself as an emergency contact and as their dad’s Partner. Because we weren’t married. Life changes. We aren’t together anymore. To me it didn’t matter if I listed myself as Partner, friend or whatever because at the end of the day the school had Me listed for any emergency with the kids. I was included and a reliable contact for the kids. Id say don’t focus on the Word so much. It’s just a word. But if you’re feeling insecure/unsure about him telling yalls kids she’s their stepmom and her kids are their siblings. Id just explain to them that once they are married that yes she’d then become their step mom and the kids would be siblings. Just make sure your kids know to respect her still regardless because it’s hard finding someone who genuinely cares for your kids and if she does, then be happy and thankful for that.
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Not married we’ve raised 6 kids together 3 his 2 mine one together… still raising 4 of the 6… never BEEN MARRIED TO HIM AND THE SCHOOL HAS LISTED ME AS STEP MOM FOR YEARS NOW… it’s a damn word they will always call the “ primary” parents first… I just don’t understand how the word step mom hurts so many…
11 years and we have not one desire to get married that makes me less of a step mom 
if you get help count it many raise alone.
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9 months?! No. Even married after 9 months no. Not stepmother. That title is earned not just given
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NO. She should be listed as an alternate person to pick up said child, theoretically she is NOT a step mom, if they get married fine, but for now she’s just an ALTERNATE PERSON😊
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She has no business being listed.
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You sound petty as hell.
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It is petty, but I’d do it too
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The dad should’ve had this conversation with the mom and his ex maybe she doesn’t want to be associated with him anymore. But I think it also confuses the kids if she’s no longer with their dad nor were they married. If she was still really involved in all their lives and the mom was ok with it sure. But that doesn’t sound like the case the dad needs to let go of his ex.
You addressed it correctly.
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Is she involved in the child’s life for things like pick ups or drop offs? How long has she been a “girlfriend?” I guess it depends on my opinion.
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and I listed him as my kids stepfather on their school paperwork. It’s just a piece of paper. Lol. If you’re this pressed about her title on a school form, I’d hate to see how you act with real issues.
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I put my husband as the father. You clearly trust her why do you really care?
I’d say it’s not a big deal. If her address is what was used for them to attend, and she picks up/drops off, is contacted by the school if mom or dad isn’t available etc, what’s the problem? Even if they have no plans of ever getting married. I would just make sure the school knows what order they should contact guardians in. After all, it is just a school form and she is a part of their lives. It’s not like he listed a random stranger.
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I wouldn’t allow any girlfriend or even a wife on any of my kids paperwork but I’m the only consistent parent they know so my situation is a little different due to lack of coparenting
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If they live together then yes uts appropriate and what does it matter
I put my boyfriend down as step father, his just as much a father to them as their real dad…
I do kind of think you are being ‘petty’, Because of her, she got your kids to stay in that school district!!! How does she treat your kids? If she is good to them, let it go. My ex husband GF was VERY good to my kids, & I would have had no problem if she wanted to be the person to connect back then,
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I would have put father’s girl friend. Then they would just call her by her name. 
Brianna Francisco tbh???
I don’t think a boyfriend or girlfriend should be on paperwork in case something happens you don’t want that person having access to your kiddo. 1 year really is not that long but if you are married and you have made that commitment or if you have been together many years then I would say she can be trusted. Just my opinion.
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My girls refer to my bf of 3 yrs as step dad and their dad’s gf of almost 6 yrs as step mom one of them even calls her mama…that hurt wen I first heard her do so but theres alot of issues that are rough to explain…but neither are listed as step on the paper work as of now seeing how me n ex are still married…we all for the most part get along even tho I really Wna throat punch my ex and his gf which most would in my shoes…my girls are twins and yr before last my ex and my bf took the girls to a father daughter dance at their school…my ex isnt the best dad in the world and my bf actually does alot with and for my girls which is why he asked my bf if he wanted to do that…which we had discussed cuz I honestly didnt think my ex would do it…exes gf does alot for the girls as well. They have two boys together who I love like they’re my own…even tho it hurts…I tell them all the time that their oldest is mine that they just had him for me and the gf will even say your lil boy wen she tells me stuff about him…neither she nor my bf have issue with not being listed as step on the paper work seeing as how its stuff for school and is fine being listed as significant other for the time being…now once it becomes legally official it will change