The question to everyone about Birthday parties, you do let your family decide who you can and can not invite to your children’s parties… I was adopted when I was 15yrs old after being in and out of foster care. My adoptive parents always made it clear that I was just part of the package so they could get my younger siblings. My adoptive parents have always had an issue with anyone from my previous life (before them). I have always decided who I can and can’t have at my children’s party. Saying they won’t come if I invite so and so… I have always just bowed down to them and not invited that person. Well, now my biological dad, who I have not had contact with since I was 8yrs old due to my junkie of a mother, has recently contacted me in May of this yr. I have taken things slowly with him as far as introducing him to my kids. They met him back in Sept have been great, we spent Christmas and thanksgiving together this yr and I let him meet my boys. Well, my son, has a birthday coming up and I want to invite because he has been very good to us and my kids just love him. Do I invite him or just let my adoptive parents control my kid’s birthday? I don’t want to make him feel like he isn’t good enough to be at his, but I also don’t want my adoptive parents to feel like they are being pushed aside. My adoptive family parents barely contact me, and my dad texts me every day. I feel like this would be like drawing a line in the sand, and I will have to choose a side…
Let the birthday girl choose who comes… if she’s 15 …
Your party your choice. If they want to be petty n not come then fuck them. That’s not on you.
It sounds like your adoptive parents have already chosen their side and that wasn’t you. If they truly loved you, they’d put up with whoever to be apart of your life.
Your adoptive parents sound toxic. Invite your dad.
Screw that. Your kids party you are the mom. Clearly if they are that immature you don’t want them around anyways. Idk why this is even a debate. YOUR kids party.
The parents are the ones who should decide who to invite. Until the child is older.
You need to do what makes you comfortable not your adoptive parents. This is about you and your children.
Let the child with the birthday choose. If your adoptive parents cant put aside their feelings then that is their problem and you and your children dont need that in your life.
You are an adult with your own family now. You invite whoever you want. If your adoptive parents really have a problem with it, that’s their problem, not yours. Your only goal is to make that kids birthday a special day full of love and fun.
Invite both and if your adoptive parents chose not to come because your dad is going to be there, then that’s on them. Dont feel guilty because they want to be childish.
Don’t tell them, it’s none of their business who you invite and if they show up and don’t like it then it’s on them.
My mom was like this, I was adopted by my step-dad and lied to for 18 yrs til I went to get my birth certificate to get married.
When I got in contact with my bio- siblings and dad my mom flipped.
If they can’t understand then screw them, it’s your life.
Invite him! It’s none of their business.
Also people should never do that. If they don’t come, that’s their choice!
You’re the mom, invite your dad if you and the kids want him there.
if your father is trying and ur kids accepted him please give him a chance sometimes its better late then never he was younger back then sounds to me he had regrets and is tryng to make up the lost time at least he is in your kids life im sorry id invite him let your adopted parents know he is coming that way they can decide whether your son important enough to be there cause in reality its about the child not them 🤷
Your adoptive parents sound like narcissistic assholes. Screw them. If you want your bio dad at YOUR child’s birthday party, then invite him. If your adoptive parent’s say they won’t go say “well, I’m sorry to hear your choosing to miss out on childs birthday.” Personally, I wouldn’t invite them at all because of their attitude at all of that.
I feel like if they cant be mature enough to suck it up for their grandson there is no need for them there.
You do whatever you want.
Why would grandparents have a say over who comes to their grandkids party?
Its your child you set that up.
Invite your dad. If the adoptive parents care about your children they will show up anyways. If not, it’s their decision. Just do what’s best for you.
Let him come to the party!
It’s YOUR child… You choose (depending on child’s age) you can’t keep living ur life around your adoptive parents. Then you will never be happy and you will never be able to have your own life… My son is adopted and we tried to let the family have something to do with him, but they refused to. When he gets older if he reconnected with them, and they were good to him I would invite them…
Plus look at it like this your dad checks/talks to you every day… They do not… Who is showing they really care??? Your dad…
Also you said they made it clear they only adopted you for your younger siblings… So right then and there I wouldn’t give two 
what they thought or wanted!
I invite who I want to my house. If someone doesn’t like it, their loss for not coming over
Um, who is the parent here? Who buys the cake and the decorations for the party? Buys the presents? YOU.
YOU are the parent of YOUR child.
Your adoptive parents are NOT your child’s parents.
They can’t and don’t control your life or your child’s life. You do.
You can invite whoever you please and let your child invite his/her friends.
If your dad comes and your adoptive parents come and they give your dad a hard time, stand up for your dad and put them in their place or they can leave.
They’re your kids, you can invite whoever you want
Invite who you want. If they choose to not come, then it’s on them. Also… I’ve never shared my guest list with anyone. If they ask, tell them but otherwise I wouldn’t.
It’s not up to your adoptive parents YOUR an adult it’s YOUR child’s birthday party YOU invite whoever you want to YOUR child’s party if they don’t like it then they don’t have to show up… regardless of the situation your father is your children’s grandfather rather ur adopted parents like it or not
I’d cut them out completely after that remark they made about you.
You are in control now. Invite who you want
This is your journey and you build it the way you want it. They are denouncing your children based off the fact that they want to control.
Invite both! Do not limit your your families love by pushing people away! Sounds like they like control and well… your an adult now.
Dont tell them who your inviting lol its not their business
Invite bio dad & don’t tell adoptive parents.
Everyone is grown. They are ur kids and u get to decide. If ur adoptive parents can’t understand now, they will one day. This is the life they chose by accepting u and ur siblings into their lives, who says u guy’s wouldn’t want to know ur real parents??? Just do what u feel is best. They’ll respect ur decision, later on
I don’t let no one tell me who I can invite to my daughter’s birthday. She is not their daughter but my and my husband’s child. Invite your biology father to the party. Tell your parents that they can come or not but it is time for you to decide who is there and who isn’t.
I’d Invite whoever I wanted whoever I thought was best for my child. I’d also NOT invite anyone who could even remotely cause any issues or tension. You’re just handing down the stress and dysfunction onto your childs shoulders. She deserves a clean slate . You’re her mother protect her. When she is of age she can make her own choices and know you have her back.
Why would you let your adoptive parents control your child’s birthday party?? They are your children. You can decide who you want to invite. Don’t let your adoptive parents tell you what to do. You’re grown now.
Invite who you want to invite. It’s your decision. If they were the ones throwing the party it would be different but you’re the one throwing it
Invite him. It sounds like he wants to be a part of your family more than they do.
Invite who you want. You adoptive parents have made it clear they dont care aboutyou. Screw them. Clearly they feel threatened and just want to contol everything.
It’s your house, your child you invite whoever you want. We’ve got divorces and remarriages and all kinds of nonsense in my family. Everyone gets invited and whoever comes or doesn’t isn’t my problem.
Can they come at two different times ? Say he comes for the first hour and they come after
You are 100% in control of who you invite to your childs birthday!
I would invite them all. It’s up to them if they want to grow up and come or not. Dont push them away.
So just bc they adopted you don’t mean u have to give them control of it life. You are an adult and they should be happy that your biological family wants to be involved. If they can’t be happy for u then they shouldn’t come to that birthday party let them have a private party at those house if it that big of a deal.
Invite him whoever wants to show up let them show up whoever doesn’t well it isn’t your problem by the way don’t lie to yourself yes people change but you just blame your junkie mom about not being with your dad but hey if he wanted to he could have fight for custody of you and your siblings when you went to Foster care
Its yar child’s bday party invite who ever ya want. If someone don’t come then that’s their loss on that time.
What kind of question is this. Aren’t u an adult… do as u please… it’s ur life and ur child birthday party… stop worrying about what others want and do for urself
My birth mom spends Christmas with my adoptive family every single year! It was a closed adoption too, and I was in foster homes from 2-5 so I didn’t even remember what she looked like until I was almost 19. My family gas embraced her. I know it probably won’t be like that for you but there can be happy endings!!!
No. That I your child’s party, they have no say in who you can and can not invite. You’re an adult. Invite whoever you want, if they don’t like it then they don’t have to come and that’s their problem and childishness
Invite your dad. My rule with parties as always been whoever says " who’s gonna be there??" Or " I won’t go if so and so is there" can just go ahead and be the one to not come. It isn’t fair to put you in that position and I feel like they should understand and be supportive of you reconnecting with your bio fam. For them to make you feel badly about that is really messed up. Do what you feel is right
I invite who I want and anyone who can’t deal just don’t come.
Don’t care who I piss off, my life my decisions. Don’t ever let another person control you.
Sounds like your adoptive parents drew the line when they said you were only adopted so they could get your younger siblings. Invite who makes you happy and if they can’t accept that then it’s on them not you
My sons family was like that, his grandma didnt want to come if my sons cousins mom was going to be there. But i really didnt care lbs she aint spend the 200 on the party, i did. So she didnt come. 🤷🏽
Your adoptive parents are assholes who obviously don’t give a shit about you. It’s YOUR decision who YOU invite to parties YOU plan. Not theirs.
Your child. Your rules. Invite whoever you want.
Your kids, your decision. If they love you and your kids, they will come and put their own egos aside and support you because they love you. If not, it’s their loss.
We had this recently with my in laws, we always picked inviting my husbands mum too things rather than his dad as she said she’d never come if he did. Well come our wedding she didn’t even turn up! His dad ended up missing out on loads, he’s always bothered with us both and the kids where as she never has so this year my husband had enough and invited them both too our daughters party next week and said if they don’t like it tough. Well safe too say we’ve not spoke too his mum since which has been a good couple months but it’s her loss at the end of the day, it’s your child you invite who u want there! No one else should dictate who’s aloud too come and if they don’t like it then they don’t have too come, with the invite there that will be their choice!
You invite who you want, make it their choice to show up or not. Your adopted parents should have know this day was possibly going to come… it’s here and they need to act more civil for them babies and you. If they can’t be civil for a few hours, that’s ridiculous.
YOU DECIDE
if they dont come cause of someone else then that’s on THEM!!!
Your kid, invite who you want. Parents don’t wanna come, that’s their loss, not yours. Let them be childish if they so choose.
Invite everyone you want. If they show up, great. If not, at least you invited them. I dont deal with that controlling, manipulative b.s
The only one who dictates who does and doesn’t come to my kid’s parties is me and their dad. It’s at our house and we’re paying for it. Invite your dad and don’t bother telling them.
Do not let your adoptive parents (or literally anyone) control any part of your life. If they have stipulations for being in your life, then they don’t need to be in your life.
You don’t need to choose anything. If your adoptive parents are acting in such a toxic way I would tell them they need to see the bigger picture. That man is you. He’s your blood. He’s your children’s grandfather. It isn’t about your adoptive parents. It’s about a child. If they can’t be civil when it comes to innocent children then they wouldn’t have a place at my table. Adoptive parents or not. They don’t get to dictate how you live your life and the more people who love your children the better. Have a sit down with them face to face and explain that to them and tell them you still hope they will be there.
Parents should never be making you feel as though you have to pick a side. That evil is on them. You invite and involve ANYONE to YOUR child’s life/Birthday!!!
Invite him! Don’t let anyone ever control you like that
Invite your dad and dont tell the others
It’s your child. If the adoptive parents have an issue, that’s on them. The more the merrier when it comes to loving a child.
Invite them all. If your adoptive parents don’t come, that’s on them. If you let them control smaller decisions like this, can you imagine any bigger ones they’ll try to in the future? Plus, they let it be known from an early age that you were just “part of a package” deal?.. Who does that?!? Best of luck to you!
You are choosing a side. Yours! Draw that line and place boundaries. Invite him. If they dont come, so be it. They can come or stay home. Their choice.
Don’t let misplaced loyalty ruin your future, I feel like you want to invite him, xxx 
do what’s right for you and if you are safe and happy you’re parents will come around in the end I’m sure xxx
Screw the adoptive parents. If they’re gonna be that petty, then they dont need to be around.
It’s a choice you and your husband should make .
Sweetheart, you have to do what makes you and your children happy. Regardless of the outcome of other people’s feelings; you can only control your children’s and your happiness. Remember, you can’t make everybody happy. Go ahead and invite him; Maybe he’s trying to make up for lost time…you never know!
I’m they are your kids
Invite who you want and if they don’t show up that’s on them not on you.
You’re an adult now. You get to decide what’s best for you and your kids…period.
Your kids thier party you choose who comes and who doesn’t if your adopted parents don’t want to come that’s on them
You should never have to choose a side with YOUR kids! You do what’s be for your kids and screw anyone else that are not thinking of the children
Invite him. Don’t tell anyone. Make it a surprise
Invite him! He’s a part of your life and already seems more positive than your adoptive parents. That’s hard for me to say, because usually adoptive parents are choosing to have you in their lives rather than being given you, but it seems they made their stance clear from the start. Don’t let them get in the way of you and your kids having a relationship with him…
Invite him and tell the adoptive parents to grow up.
Invite him. You should never have to choose sides. Your adoptive parents need to grow up or they can stay their asses home.
So very sad that you are in this position! My advice, invite whoever you want. Maybe explain to your adoptive parents that life is short and you feel this is the right thing to do and remind them that you appreciate everything they have done for you and it’s your child’s b day party. Your child didn’t choose his parents/family. It’s a celebration and should be an amazing day for everybody involved and make memories. Good luck!!!
Separate parties. My kid has 3 parties. It keeps my MIL from saying inappropriate things to friends and other families.
Choose the best option for your kids. People who will say they’ll pull their support and love if this or that person is there is not the best for your kids.
Really? You’re a grown up adult with kids of your own? Why are you asking for advice? Invite who you and the child wants to the party. It’s your party! You have no obligations to anyone.
Why are you discussing the guest list with them? My mom lists off people that she’s concerned that I may forget but I control the guest list and don’t share it
Sounds like you already know the answer. If your adoptive parents want to miss out on your kids life for something so petty, then that’s their problem.
I invite who I want to my kids parties. If people can’t be adults for one day then they don’t deserve to be there.
You’re grown and make the decisions for your children,invite who THEY want at their party and if your adoptive parents have an issue with that than they can either suck it up or fly a kite
Invite him and don’t tell them before hand. If the adoptive parents don’t like it they likely know how to use an exit.
You shouldn’t have to choose and neither should your children. Invite everyone and whoever shoes up shows up. It’s about your son and no one else
My question is…why did your father not try to get you from the system? Why was he not a father until now? Yes…people can change…but what was his issue the first time?
Invite him. He should be there. Your adoptive parents are not supportive and definitely selfish
Invite who u want u ran adult!
Invite him!! Its about the kids too!
Tell your adoptive parents to pull the stick out their butts. He is your blood and the kids are your blood. If you want them around and so does the kids than they need to respect what you and the kids want. If they want to be petty than screw them. Sounds like they aren’t that great and you dad seems like he wants to make up for not being there for you when you were younger.
Invite everyone! Up to everyone to be an adult and be there for the right reasons. If they can not, their problem.