Honestly, if you’re an adult. I’d probably go no contact with the adoptive parents if they were that controlling, especially if they were that mentally abusive as to tell you as a child that you were unwanted. They obviously don’t want a relationship if they don’t put the effort into communication. I would only invite the people who really cared and wanted to join the party…which would include your real father.
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I would invite him, some deserve a second chance, you are an adult and very well capable of making your own decisions for you and your kids, don’t let other people dictate how you run your life, or your kids. If your parents love you they will understand. They might be mad at first, but at the end of the day this is your dad, I would give him that chance, he has missed so much, he is trying to make up from what he has missed.
live your life for you and yours , dont be pushed about , if they dont like it , tuff shit …
This is so very sad to hear. I think your parents feel threatened but also should have a grateful heart for the gift they were given and they should try to be open minded about it. Maybe talk with them and explain your heart and reassure them he isn’t replacing them just more people to love your kids!
It’s YOUR kid, that’s YOUR real dad. If you want to invite him go for it. And if the adoptive parents aren’t happy, then I guess they can suck on a pair of nuts
Invite both and don’t share the guest list. If they get mad and leave that’s their own problem.
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Your child your rules. Maybe the adoptive parents are worried about how well you get along with him but if your kids like him and he’s trying to be part of your lives and you are comfortable with it…invite him! You said he didn’t see you because of your bio mom so if losing you was not his fault then don’t hold him responsible
You are the mom you make the decisions. If they aren’t a huge part of your life anyway it’s not a loss as it is. Do what makes you happy if they love you and your kids they will get over it
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Kinda wouldn’t be discussing whom I’m inviting… your grown, own function, your invite.
If they ask who you invited ,tell them. If they say they’re not showing up because of I’d say~ well I hope you change your mind
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You have your own family now. It’s about them, period. Anyone says anything to you, tell them it’s the kids party, they wanted to invite them, come if you want to or not. Do not let someone else dictate you or your child’s life, ever. You can be nice about it but set the rules, but let them know they come first.
Invite everyone your son wants to be there. It’s his day.
Don’t tell them. SURPRISE, it’s a party. Your kids party.
Maybe they* feel some sort of way, but instead working through their own shit, they are putting it on you.
Not okay.
Choose what is best for your kids. And I’m sorry but you are a mother now, and YOU decide who is invited and who isn’t, NOT your adoptive parents. It’s your childs birthday party so realistically if child wants your bio dad, and you are ok with it, then invite him.
Your adoptive parents have no right to pull the “we wont come if you invite such a person.” YOU are your kids mom and if your adoptive parents want to miss out because of childish behaviour, then that is on them.
Not quite the same but me and my ex aren’t together. Haven’t been 3 years in January.
The last two parties…our sons 6th and 7th have been paid for and hosted by us.
He invites his parents. I invite mine.
There’s too much water under the bridge for anyone to be buddies…but we’re grownups.
We can all be there to celebrate his birthday.
Dad and I can be nice.
My mum and my ex can always be civil and anyone who isn’t are still there they just don’t talk. They stick to their side.
He’s noticed nothing. Been too busy playing with his friends. We’re there for the boy. All of us. Who cares about all the other stuff. We all want to share that moment so that’s what we choose to do
If a grown up can’t act like one for the sake of a child then they shouldn’t be there. Invite both and you’ll know where you stand x
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I’d forget about the adopted parents. They’re obviously evil to tell you they only took you in for your younger siblings. That’s disgusting and I would’ve cut them out of my life a long time ago. But that’s me.
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Invite him. Stop letting them control you. You are an adult. You can make your own decisions for you and your children. If they have a problem with him being there then they can make the decision to grow up, be civil, and be present. Or they can choose to be petty and not go. Either way, it’s on them.
The person presenting you with an ultimatum does not care about your feelings and is in the wrong. Someone who loves you would never put you in that position.
Someone very wise gave me excellent advice on how to answer people who play these stupid games.
You say this with a big friendly smile:
“Thanks so much for letting us know of your choice not to attend. We will miss you and if you change your mind, you are always welcome”
You have now placed the responsibility back on them. If they argue, just keep repeating.
“I am going to invite my dad because he is as important to me and my kids as you are. We are sad that you are choosing to not attend, and you will be missed”
It works every time. 
Bonus: you are teaching you kids how to place the toxic crap back on the person who tried to hand it to you.
Your adopted parents sound toxic! You need to question yourself as to why you still have them in your life.
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Depending on how old your children are, let your children decide. They can draw pictures for the invitations. It’s ok to ask them about additional guests but it’s their party. Good luck. We had multiple parties. 
. One year my kids thought they had aged 3 years.
Your adopted parents never showed you true, unconditional love. They abused you. Telling you flat out you were just part of the package deal to get the children they really wanted (your siblings) is horrible and abusive. I’m terribly sorry you were treated like that. You deserved and still do deserve so much better. You adopted family doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. If they truly cared and loved you they would accept you as you are and the people you choose to have in your life. If they put stipulations on things you do in YOUR life, they don’t deserve to be a part of it.
Surround yourself with people who truly CELEBRATE you, not just tolerate you.
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Your adoptive parents sound toxic , invite your Father !
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There’s no room for toxic people like that. They’re YOUR kids. If they choose not to come, then they’re missing out. Put your foot down NOW or it will never stop.
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Invite who you want.
Your adoptive parents need to grow up. Everyone deserves a chance without the past haunting them. You have a 
big enough for all of them. Invite them all if your adoptive parents choose to not come. Oh well!
Um… Your adoptive parents honestly sound very toxic. They made clear they only got you for younger siblings… They tell you who to invite… Girl… It’s time to take control of your own life! They aren’t very loving people they only used you for a means to an end.
It’s your life, your choice.
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Tell your adoptive parents to grow up. Invite him. If they wanna be kids let them be. It’s their loss not yours.
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Anybody who loves you should want you to have as much love and support as humanly possible. Having a relationship with anybody who is good to you and your children should never ever strain your relationship with anybody else. If anybody ever has an ultimatum like that, it is their issue NOT yours. They either need to accept that you are an adult and can make your own decisions and support your relationship or walk away and be terrible people. Again, that isnt your issue, you have no reason to feel guilty. Its not like your father is using you or manipulating you or abusing you and they are trying to protect you. They are being mean. and unfair.
If they choose not to come that’s their loss invite your dad
INVITE HIM! Especially if he’s been coming around and doing holidays with you! Invite everyone and if they don’t show, well then that’s their problem.
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Invite your dad !!! And you’re adoptive parents were wrong to emotionally abuse you. Enjoy your new connection with your bio dad who wants to be a part of your life.
Nope my kids my decision as to whom will be at there bday
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Invite your bio dad. He seems to be more loving and caring then the others.
Invite him and them make it clear you still love them just as much. But he is your biological father.
These are YOUR children. If you and the kids wants your father there, invite him. I’m sorry that your adoptive parents made you feel that way, that’s horrible. 
Considering they have always made you feel “part of the package” and they hardly ever reach out to you, I wouldn’t really worry about them feeling pushed aside. You know you love them, and they know you love them. I wouldn’t let them try and manipulate anything. It sounds like you are building a healthy relationship with your bio dad, and that’s a great thing. Good luck.
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Invite him. If your adoptive parents don’t like it, they can decide to grow up. He’s someone who loves you and your kids. Those are the kind of people your kids need to grow up around
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You’ve answered your own question. Invite your father. Your adoptive family can kick rocks if they don’t like it. I grew up in foster care I totally get where you’re coming from. I didn’t get adopted but I still have a relationship with some of my previous foster parents. I’ll do and invite whoever I want to my kids stuff. It’s not about the adults. It’s the child’s thing. They love who they love and I won’t exclude anyone to save feelings of another adult
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Invite him, adoptive parents took you in and chose to love you etc… May just have a hard time accepting maybe a good heart to heart with them letting them know they are appreciated and telling them your true feelings over it all.
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Whoever makes you feel like you’re drawing a line, is NOT someone you NEED in your life. Do not cater to others. Remember the simple saying: those who don’t mind, matter. Those who mind, don’t matter. You do not have to live like that. Have love for everyone who wants to love you. Without constraints. You will lead a much happier life if you live to make yourself happy and not others.
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Invite them all. If they don’t come because your dad is there, that’s on them. If after all this time, they are still that insecure and threatened by him, that is on them.
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Invite anyone you want to! If they choose to not come, it is on them! I have dealt with this my whole life! I invite relatives and don’t tell them who has been and who hasn’t! Don’t let others dictate your life and experiences!
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You are an adult right? Not living in adoptive parents home? Not dependent on the adoptive parents at all, correct? If you are an adult and aren’t living with or dependent on them I don’t see why you can’t invite your dad.
Invite whomever you want!
I would be inviting him
Invite your dad. If the adoptive parents choose not to come then that is on them. They sound super controlling and its not okay. You mentioned they adopted you to get the younger siblings? Thats a harsh thing to tell someone. Obviously they dont put your feelings and best interests first
Do what you want. Its your decision dont let other people bully you around.
Invite who they want, who comes comes good luck
Invite them both…your child your choice
I just want to comment that I miss read the question at first and thought it said dildo party…lol 🤦 I was like should family even be there…
Ita your kids invite who you want if they dont like it they can leave
You and your children can never have to many people to love them. It is selfish if your adoptive parents refuse to come because of that they should welcome someone that wants to love you and your children.
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I would invite your dad and just not tell your adoptive parents that you’ve invited him. Who you invite to your kids party is none of their business. If your adoptive parents show up and can’t get along with someone you’ve invited they can either suck it up and be civil for your childs sake or they can leave.
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I’ve always told my family get along or dont come. Its about the kids not them.
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Don’t even tell them who is invited. Invite who you want and if they decide to leave after coming that’s on them
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Love should not be denied. Ultimatums are like tantrums, immature. Explain, if you want, that GOD would never turn his back, love should be shared. Who is to judge him? Only GOD. Tell them to take it up with GOD
Invite whoever you want it’s your life it’s your son birthday not anyone else’s , it’s your choice and who doesn’t like it could leave .
Do what your heart tells u
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The ONLY time they have a say is if they are paying for the party, in my opinion. And you said it yourself, they only adopted you to get your siblings… so they kind of sound like jerks to me. As long as it’s not compromising anyone’s safety, you have the right to invite whoever you want.
Nope, invite who you want in your child’s life. Better to invite and let them choose. Have fun and enjoy the day!!
The party is for your child! Shouldn’t the birthday child have the say-so?!
You shouldn’t have to choose between family… invite him an them just dont tell neither an if anyone wants to say anythin when they get there tell them they need to put there differences aside an enjoy there grandson
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follow your heart. Sit down and talk to your adoptive parents about how you feel and that you will always love them no matter what. Go from there
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Perhaps do something separate with your bio dad like a special day with just you, him, and the kids? There must be a reason they dont think its a good idea for him to be around? Dont draw lines in the sand. Its important for your kids to have extended family in their lives.
If they don’t come that’s on them 
not you
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Your adoptive parents made it clear they dont really care it seems. Id invite your dad and if they cant be adults about it, then thats their problem
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Invite him, say nothing to the adopteds. If they leave, they leave 
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This is your life and your kids. They only control you if you let them. It’s your decision who to invite to your kids party. The only way they might have a say on who can/can’t come is if the party is at their house. Otherwise it’s not up to them. If they don’t wanna go to the childs party just because someone is there that they dont like then oh well. They need to grow up. Adults can be civil for the sake of the kids.
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No invite your dad that’s bullshit your older it’s your choice if they dont like it they don’t need to come…thing is I’m sure your dad has guilt with you being adopted and he didn’t have you than I’m sure he is super excited to have you back 
I’ve been there do what is in your heart to do
Choose what feels right! I can’t stand my husband’s ex but I know she will be at events and that one day her daughter’s that I’m raising will invite her to our grandkids birthdays. I’m not going to let her stop me from enjoying my kids and grandkids. Your parents need to grow up and realize there’s enough room and love for all the grandparents.
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Invite them all don’t say anything. The adoptive parents need to grow up
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You no longer live with them.
You are legally an adult.
Now grow a pair with the overbearing and borderline toxic towards you adoptive relatives and invite whoever the hell you and your kids want to YOURS AND/OR THEIR GET TOGETHER’S. The adoptives have an issue with it, they are welcome to not come.
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I have always told people that may not get along that if they can not be civil during MY child’s birthday party, then don’t bother even showing up. It basically comes down to who your child wants there, and if adults can’t hold their tongues for a few hours in honor of the child, don’t come at all. Also, you are an adult and if you are paying for the party then it is yours and your child’s decision…no one elses.
invite him who cares your children like him
That is your dad and your kids grandfather so yes invite him.
Let your adoptive family know that he is comeing and that you still and will always care for them. But you have a right to your own life. And the decision is ultimately yours on who comes to your childrens parties.
You should tell them the party is for your son not them. Invite your dad.
Invite your dad. Your adoptive parents sound very mean.
Have them come over prior to that for dinner , explain that you are in NO way replacing them. That you love them and they are your parents. However the guy who gave you life, has come into your life and you are fortunate enough to have a large family. Ask them to be honest with you about why they don’t want your blood relatives around. Tell them that it is important to you, and tell them that you should not be asked to choose. They knew this adopting you.
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I would have 2 get togethers. You can have a family party with just the adoptive parents and whoever else they are close with and then have another one that will be for your child’s friends if he is old enough to have friends and invite your father to that one. We usually have 3 parties. One with one side of the family and one with the other and another one with school friends. If I had adopted someone and they wanted to include the biological parent I would have no problem with it. They are thinking of themselves and not you and your kids. NOT COOL GRANDPARENTS. (unless of course there was a good reason like if he was a drug dealer or pedophile or they think he could get you into something illegal)
I understand the emotions but don’t agree. Your adoptive family sees it as a loyalty issue. They raised you, they should be #1. But unless you have been part of a fractured family, you can’t understand the need to connect with them. Go ahead and invite him. But write a letter to your adoptive family of how you appreciated their inclusion into their family and your real dad can’t replace adoptive dad but the reality is like Jesus feeding the multitudes, love does not have limited amount. I don’t know why real dad didn’t contact you sooner but adoptive dad and mom gave you love and shelter. This is not whose right, or in ccontrol. This is expanding family and love and acceptance.
No one can dictate who you invite into your home.
Invite who u want there if they can’t be grown about behaving for the grandchild’s birthday then they don’t need to be there it’s your child’s day not theirs.
Who’s paying for it?? Your call…
Invite who you want
Invite both
If your parents are going to be that petty - that’s on them
I’m adopted I let my parents in my life when I turned 20. They have been really good to me and my kids.its entirely up to you.You are the mother you decided what’s best for you and your children and who you want around don’t let others make your decision its ultimately up to you.you got this momma
Its your child your rules if you want to have your real dad there then invite him but also invite your adopted parents too and if they dont come, at least you still invited them
Don’t say a word and invite them all adoptive got some major issues
Your party, invite who YOU want.
Why are you letting these people still control you and your kids??? Are You grown? Aren’t You the parent now? Weren’t You just part of a package to begin with? If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come. If your going to be a parent then be one and stop letting others dictate you and your kids life.
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Yes… I would invite him!
Invite him! It is YOUR SON’S day NOT theirs! If they don’t show that’s on them, if they cause a problem thats on them they can leave…
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Um. How old are you? Who’s child are you talking about?
…
Really it’s up to you and you would be totally right to invite whomever your child wants at HIS PARTY… but if you want to keep the peace, you could do the party with the adoptive parents and invite your biological father over for dinner or something on another night or vice versa.
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Invite them both. It about the child no one else. If they both can’t support the child at the same time that’s on them not you or the child.
If you’re grown and doing well it’s time to let your adoptive parents go. They were always toxic and only used you to get your siblings. Get your siblings from under there control and live your best life.
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Invite who you want and if they decide not to show up because of that it’s on them. That’s their decision.
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Invite him. Your house, your rules. He is the one that wants to be part of your life and his life. Your adoptive parents seem like they are in the back row more than waiting in the wings as it is.
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invite them both. if your adoptive parents don’t want to go and are petty oh well. your birth dad is making an effort to be in your life after lost time. besides it’s YOUR kids birthday . don’t bow down to them anymore stand up for yourself.
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Invite your dad! You’re adoptive parents should be adult enough to put their feelings aside. If they arent that’s their problem not yours.
Invite who you want. If someone is petty enough to not come because someone else is coming, they don’t need to be there anyway. I went thru this with my cousin because hus ex girlfriend from teenage years MIGHT be coming. My cousin hasn’t been invited to anything since.
Invite everyone and whoever comes,
Comes.
You make that decision not them you’re the parent.