Anyways…fast frwd a couple years. We have two kids together now and his son wants a relationship with his younger siblings but still refuses to come to our house. Am I wrong to not want my children going over there to a place we are not welcomed? Myself and my oldest daughter, age 12 now are not allowed there.
His son and his mother live with my husbands sister and her husband. The ex is still very close with the family and I feel has turned them all against me over the years. We haven’t gone with his side of the family for the holidays or events for years. I want my children to know their older brother but I don’t feel it’s right that my husband takes them over them without all of us as a family? Am I wrong?
My husband and I have been together for 8 years. When we first got together. I had a daughter from a previous relationship, age 4. He had a son, age 3. His son would come with us on weekends and during the week until the age of 7, everything was great. No issues. Before we got married, My husbands ex asked if he would consider giving them another try and he said no. Then she started acting very different and mean. All of a sudden, his son said he didn’t want to Come over our house anymore without a reason.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I allow my kids to visit with their older sibling, even if myself & oldest daughter aren’t welcomed?
I was in a similar situation growing up. Let your daughter decide I mean it is her brother. Don’t let her grow up blaming you for her and her brother not having a realtionship. I mean it’s just my opinion everyone is going to have a different opinion. Just do what you think is best for your daughter and put your differences aside
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Yes, at the end of the day those are his siblings and he is wanting to reach out and meet them to have a relationship. I would swallow my pride and allow it. Give him time. Show him that you are the bigger person. If you don’t allow it you will just prove you to be the bad guy. This may be what it takes to show him you care. Leave your feelings out of it. As long as there isn’t issues of the youngest safety allow them to know each other. Maybe with time it will work towards him being open to coming to your house. If it is truly his mom turning him against you all then this will show him that maybe it wasn’t you guys being the bad people. Be fair and show him that you guys love him. Let him have a relationship with his younger siblings.
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Kids come first and our hurt feelings doesn’t really matter. Allow the siblings to have a relationship. I had to, was I always crazy about it? No. But it’s what it right!
Am I the only one asking why he isn’t enforcing visitation?
Anywho, let the children go, but when the oldest starts to act funny, he better act shocked as to why. 
Personally, the son should be visiting, period. It’s not up to mom bc she is butthurt. Smh
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If he wants a relationship bad enough meet in a neutral place, like a park. No reason they have to go to sister in laws house
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Maybe play it by day. Explain to your husband that the kids don’t go anywhere without you and big sister, even if it means they can’t see older brother. And make sure to explain to the little ones that they can’t see their older brother cause mummy and big sister can’t go see him either (make sure to explain with age appropriation in mind). Once the little ones hit a certain mature age (12-13 at youngest) let them to go see their brother in a neutral area like a park or the shops/mall (can’t be where he and his mum lives or without plenty of witnesses). And obviously once they are 18, you can’t do much. But try to make it so they are safe and the older brother can’t feel he has control of his dad AND siblings. Sounds like his dad will happily be told by his ex and son what to do but don’t let them have that control over the babies. And if your husband thinks your petty, tell him that is pettiness means protection for your babies, you will happily take it like a compliment.
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If the dad is with them they are safe. Look at it as bonding for them and do something special with your daughter
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Oh what a tangled web…makes my.head hurt! All the best for you working it out…
You are not wrong for your feeling’s. It might be a toxic environment with a lot of negativity and harsh words said about you to impressionable children. In their best interest suggest meeting at a neutral place to encourage the bonding. I would make sure there are ground rules set for your children’s well being. And let this slowly build up.
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Your children are safe with your husband, the father of your children. He should be able to visit his older son and bring the siblings to visit him. Get out of your own feelings. They are siblings and have a right to know each other. If you interfere you are reducing yourself to all the terrible things the ex and her family accuse you of being. Imagine your oldest daughter not being able to see her siblings???
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It’s weird that it’s not even her house, yet she gets to set the rules, sounds like his family just hates you too, but after 8yrs they need to get over it. Your husband should be presenting a united front with you. They sound pretty toxic, and unless your husband is going to be with the kids 100% of the time, I wouldn’t personally be ok with it, because you don’t need them alienating your kids too.
It’s unreasonable of them to demand you trust them and allow your children around them while they refuse to trust you and allow her son around you. Maybe suggest that they can meet in a public place to play or something, like at a park, or some other neutral place.
Is there not a custody plan for your husband’s son?
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Nope, neutral place as a family. Family’s shouldn’t segregate when there’s no valid reason. As the father he needs to teach his child and his family this, since the kids mother and his family clearly haven’t taught the child this. Personally he should have put his family in there place as soon as it became an issue. You are his wife and the mother to his other children including his non bio, which deserves respect.
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Uh yes your children should be allowed a relationship with their sibling regardless of your relationship with them. What kind of question is this?
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Nope. Healthy boundaries. If all the kids aren’t included I would say no. Offer another option like a picnic at a park with all the kids.
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Yes. Don’t be the person that keeps your child away from their sibling
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Been in that position. Nope your way out of that one. His son can come to your place or you guys can meet at a park or something similar.
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PRAY about Direction and what to say then get 3 Greeting cards to give to your husband, his son, and his son’s mother expressing your good and bad feelings and a positive conclusion or decision that will work for All of you, make sure you consult and include the younger children’s opinion. God Bless.
Nope, he wants to get to know them, then all or nothing
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Something is telling me the child has been poisoned by the mother…
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I would never let my kids near the ex no matter who else is with them. Her son is older than your little ones so if he wants to see them he needs to go by your rules.
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I definitely would not. It sounds like she alienated her son against yall. I wouldn’t let them go. Suggest having a public family dinner or outing. If said child is still choosing to opt out because you are present the thats on them and maybe as they get older they will see the truth behind the way they are acting.
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Nope stick to your guns. It should’ve been nipped in tje bud years ago. He wants to see them he needs to come over to the house. That’s so toxic my kids wouldn’t be going anywhere near that house.
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I’m going to need an explanation as to why she lives with HIS family still? There are red flags all over this. One thing for sure, my kids aren’t allowed anywhere that I’m not wanted. No matter the circumstance. Because if someone is evil enough, the frustration they can’t take out on you, they’ll take it out on your kids.
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It’s not about you, it’s about the children. I’m sure your children will be fine with your husband. Have they thought about a mutual meeting place?
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They are trippin and sending the wrong message to those kids, shut that shit down, your husband should of stood up for you in this. Your husband should be telling his sister to ask his ex to find a place, this is a conflict of interest. Your husband being ok with this is a red flag. There’s probably still something between them if you are excluded and from shit and she is included in his family, he’s probably telling her to hold on, he’s gonna be leaving you soon or what not….and that’s why you’ve been alienated. Beware of that type of shit, you let that become normal in your life and it really actually pretty crazy.
My children are not going anywhere I’m not welcome to go. Sry but those are your kids. You protect them. He can come over there to see them or meet in a public place but they will not be going over to the ex house.
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Personally, I wouldn’t let my child go to a house where I know someone doesn’t like me for no reason. Because I’m worried about mistreatment.
If my stepdaughter’s ever asked for my daughter (their sister) to go over to their mom’s house on her weeks, it would be automatic no because their mom doesn’t like me for the simple fact that I’m with my husband.
Now, if my the kids wanted to spend time with their sister but didn’t want me around but my husband took our daughter to a public spot where it was just him and the kids, then I’d have no problem with it.
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So complicated. Why is your husband’s ex still living with his family after a breakup?
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You kids will be exposed to danger.Don’t let them go. They should be where you can supervised
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Nope not at all. Shame on his family for taking her side.
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No I don’t think I would let them go without everyone else.
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You’re not wrong protect your children. Don’t send them over to a place where you are not welcomed.
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All or none. That’s a family. I am in the same situation …almost. My husband was with a woman 12 yrs she had a son when she met him. Fast forward and she left All and abandoned them. We live in a small town. So word got to her thru her family that we married. She was gone 1 yr when I met him. So the kids had a hard time at first. Especially the oldest. I was always kind and tried to help them cope. Anyway. She came back and got him only and then abandoned them again. That was yrs ago. Now we are all family and communicate much better than then. I guess. As you get older it gets a little easier. You see the mistakes and try to fix them which mean you learn to accept each other and grow to care for each other.
You need most of all to be respected. If your husband doesn’t give you respect and demand they do the same …it won’t work. The fact that they are low Ving with sister and you are not accepted says a lot.
Especially to the kids. They will teach them to do the same. They will hear the insults and will in turn either disrespect you or defend you. If you don’t let them ,they may also resent you for keeping them away from him.
Maybe y’all could all meet at the park. That way all the kids can play together. Take them fishing or go bowling. Somewhere thats neutral.
God bless. Pray about it.
We couldn’t have made it without Christ in our life. 
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I have just been thru this similar
After 4 yrs not hearing from daughters dad, or her brother xs son
I stupidly fought for a relationship for my daughter for roughly 6 months I worked with her dad seen them at a park fast forward a year my daughter has had do some counselling because her dad couldn’t get her full time he didn’t want to see her at all… n she didn’t understand
So make it public place at a park or something If they won’t do that I wouldn’t send the younger ones…
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It seems that she didn’t move on from the fact and he married you and projected that feeling into the kid and other family members.
I don’t think is a good idea for everyone to be together if she is going to fight you and your daughter. Maybe visit a public place where you can all be together.
If you allow that visit together, she will think she is right to exclude you and your daughter from things. And you don’t want that. It’s bad already she put her son in that position.
This is a tough one . But since their actually going to their Aunts house I would ok with it . But I know it’s still in ur heart that u don’t have a relationship with ur stepson . But let it be u can’t force what isn’t meant . I hate that people be so petty . Sounds like the ex has some growing up to do definitely
One thing I’ve learned is:
If they don’t like you then they don’t like your children either. Your kids are an extension of YOU and it is inevitable that their venom will spill out on them eventually.
I cut off my ex’s family and although my oldest misses her biological dad from time to time, I’m happy that all she has is fond memories and not a life time of heartache due to them talking about me or her or being mean to her because she’s mine.
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Unless you’ve had some kind of drug charges abuse charges etc I don’t see any judge that would bark him from bringing the kids to your house even if it is against her wishes. I would not let them go over to a house where you and your daughter are not welcome. All those people need to learn to respect your husband and the choices he has made and his children and his wife
I’m curious what would happen if dad took everyone? Is his sister going to throw them out since it’s her home and family too? If that’s the case then cut them off get a lawyer for visitation to be enforced which honestly should’ve happened before now.
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I would just go. It’s your family too through marriage. If the kiddo wants a relationship with his siblings, he has to have a relationship with you too. Or at least be comfortable seeing you. And If everyone isn’t ok with that, then they can go without seeing your younger children.
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My children would not go anywhere that I was not welcomed and respected. Period. Idc if itt was my own parents. My husbands grandparents, whom raised him, did not want anything to do with me so they were not in our lives or children’s lives going forward.
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No you are not wrong. He wants to see them let him come over before they mess up your kids as well.
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Why make your kids wonder why their mom is excluded? Been there, done that, they notice. Ex shouldn’t be living with your husband’s family and if his son wants to see his siblings than he can come to your house, if not that’s on all of them. I hope your husband is supportive of your stance.
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nope. Not my kids. This whole thing is weird.
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Nope you are not wrong I am in a similar situtation and my bf wants our children to go with him ONLY he also has a son from previous relationship we have 3 kids together the sons mom and him want older brother going on 12 to see siblings but they have to go over there and I’m not welcomed so guess what no 1 goes
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The children did not cause the issues, let them visit you will be a better person for doing so
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Keeping the children away from siblings will make them grow to resent you.
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Nope. They wouldn’t go. If someone has a problem with me my kids are not gonna be around them. I don’t want them bad mouthing me to my kids when I’m not around or being mean to them because they don’t like me. That’s kind of weird they live with his family.
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Sure if you want to give the ex more ammo about how horrible you are. Keep the kids away and justify what she says about you. Or be the adult, go off with your own daughter and have fun, and let the son come to his own conclusion about whom his mother is as he ages.
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Never let your kids go with anyone or befriend anyone that don’t like you, I don’t feel they’ll ever be genuine to your kids. People suck!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I allow my kids to visit with their older sibling, even if myself & oldest daughter aren’t welcomed?
Hell no you are not wrong!!! You are all a family and should go together!
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You are not in the wrong, however I would reach out and explain very nicely to everyone your feelings about it. The children should be able to come and go to each parents’ house, and won’t be welcome places where the rest of the family isn’t. Offer for them to come over to your house as well, say you can all do visits together and switch houses on a schedule, etc… it sucks because sometimes the kids end up suffering, but if you put your best foot forward about it at least you can show the kids that you tried your best.
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I wouldn’t allow my children to go where I wasn’t welcome myself especially if my other child was not welcome too. Especially if she is living with his family members and they are condoning that type of behavior. That is just weird to me.
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Ask about meeting in a public place and see how it goes… you shouldn’t have to let your kids go where your not welcome it’s that simple
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Yes, it’s not about you - it’s about them
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No you are not!!! You are 100% right and your husband needs to put his foot down and tell his son he doesn’t have a choice. Why is a child being allowed to make the rules. His ex sounds like a vindictive bitch. You are 100% in the right!
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His son is literally reaching out to meet his siblings and you won’t let him meet his siblings without you being there? I see a problem with that! He shouldn’t have to be forced to have you there just for him to get a bond with his siblings!
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Put on love first of all. Speak in ‘I’ statements. That way you don’t come off as a whiner. Also, like Reagan said, “Trust but verify”? Keep a calendar, pick a little book one at dollar general for $2. Write EVERYTHING down. Date, time, gist of the conversation.
Nope if they treat you like dirt then it teaches the kids they don’t have to respect you either…
Unless everyone stops their toxic behaviour then it wud be a no from me
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Could your partner to start with take all the kids including your oldest daughter to some where neutral, so they can interact with each other and get to know each other like a park or beach, sucks, but at least they can get to know each other, then a little bit further down track you can or your husband can suggest for his son to stay for a night at your house in weekend or come over for your other kids birthdays , or during holidays.
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You are not wrong! I would consider talking to your husband and telling him that if he goes where you and your daughter aren’t allowed then you should reconsider the relationship! Being in a relationship is all about family and priorities, if you ever want to be a family then start putting your family as a priority! His son wants a relationship with your kids but your kids need to be supervised by you! I would not let my children go somewhere I’m not allowed to go and I don’t care if it’s his mom sister or father! And if he goes then we know where his priorities are!
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I don’t allow my kids to go where I am not welcome, even if they say I am, but have been there enough times to know better. There is a certain family member that pretty much constantly ignores one of my kids and favors the other 2 and I absolutely refuse to allow those 2 over there without all of us going together.
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In my opinion I wouldn’t. The son is beyond old enough to come to his dad’s and bond or meet in a neutral place. The ex is toxic and turned him on his father so they’ll say things in front of your children they shouldn’t. As far as his family they sound just as toxic. I’ve dealt with it so I know how you feel. Not saying they still be friends but they allowed for that father/son bond to be broken for her.
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Don’t allow them to go without you - you’re not wrong
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No you are not wrong. The older sibling is more than welcome to come visit. I would not trust my kids with the ex.
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No you’re not wrong, however your husband’s family is!
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I would not be letting my kids go anywhere where they aren’t welcome
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So you don’t want the children to see their sibling because you aren’t welcome? It’s not about YOU, it’s about the children. They can have a relationship with their sibling without you. Your husband isn’t allowed to see his child either because you want to go but they don’t feel comfortable with you? My opinion is obviously different than a lot of peoples but I feel like you should stop worrying so much about your feelings and think about your husband and children’s feelings. How would you feel if your sibling was trying to see you and be a part of your life but your mom won’t let it happen because your sibling isn’t comfortable with her?
I’ve personally been in this situation, my husbands ex wouldn’t let him or my daughter see his son unless I wasn’t there. So, I didn’t go. It’s not fair to take that away from them because my feelings were hurt.
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There are some really weird people on this page. This is about her too. Their brother is still a stranger. I wouldn’t let my child go to some stranger family alone especially if that person didn’t like me.
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Can they ALL go with a trusted grandparent so no parents are involved? Just let the kids be kids and play together. At 7, his son has no idea what’s going on.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I allow my kids to visit with their older sibling, even if myself & oldest daughter aren’t welcomed?
No you’re not wrong. Your husband needs to step up and say it like it is. You’re all in and the ex needs to grow up lol. Living with his sister is also weird IMO lol. His side of the family is HIS side not his ex’s, they’d should probably step up too.
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No your kids don’t need to be around that woman period they can meet at a park or you and your daughter can give your husband step son and younger kids time together. Your kids don’t need to be around his toxic ex
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No, hubby should have taken care of this years ago!
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Yes you are it doesn’t have to be a whole family thing for the younger kids to go see there brother, you and the older daughter can do something on your own while they are there.
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My child wouldn’t go anywhere without me. Period. I dont trust no one with my kids.
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I’m sorry if so don’t want to come to your house, and your not welcomed at his then no I don’t feel it’s right that your husband’s sees it ok to take them to that house without you… and it’s really not ok that his side of the family treats you all this way either he should have fixed this situation yrs ago not fed it but indulging in the way his ex and his son want things to go at the cost of your feelings and your daughters feelings you are his family now too…
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Yes you are wrong. None of this is your children’s or his son’s fault but that is who you are punishing. Be the mature one and maybe in time his son will find out that you are not the monster his mom portrayed you to be. Also, with husbands ex living there, why would you want to go over there unless you have insecurities about your relationship with your husband and you are afraid he will go back to her.
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You are not wrong at all. My husband and I say we come as a package deal if not then it doesn’t happen
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No hun. Your children should not be where you aren’t comfortable/welcome. If the older brother wanted to see them he would come to your house.
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You stand your ground you be permitted to go or the relationship stops do not let them walk on you. Maybe do a park setting or ice cream or something where everyone can go in public if its still not allowed to them than that shows they are trying to exclude you and not adult enough to work out differences or compromise for the kids. If they cant even accept you to come or go to a public place than your husband also needs to put his foot down to his family as youre his wife and he needs to be able to stick up for you and the kids. Maybe do a big family meeting and put all cards on the table and get to the bottom of the problem atleast then youll know
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I allow my kids to visit with their older sibling, even if myself & oldest daughter aren’t welcomed?
You’re not wrong. My kids will not be going anywhere I’m not welcomed. If the older siblings want to have a relationship they can come to my house where my kids live. Period. If they have any animosity towards me, how do I know they will treat my children ok. I wouldn’t trust it.
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If he wants to see his siblings he can come to your house that’s where your kids his siblings live. If he doesn’t want to come over then he wouldn’t be seeing them.
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My kids aren’t going anywhere I’m not allowed. Period. Sorry, not sorry.
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It’s either ALL OF YOU or NONE OF YOU… Simple!!!
Let your husband UNDERSTAND this and handle it…
In all this though, I “fear” for your relationship… It’s like you are on “borrowed” time since the ex is close to his family…
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Anywhere I’m not wanted my kids won’t be either. At least that’s my logic learned from my Mother’s personal experience.
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I have two brothers from my dad that I don’t have a relationship with (numerous difficult reasons as to why) however my opinion in this would be that if he wants a relationship with his siblings, he is entitled to that. My brother and sister that I grew up with would be (and would have been in the past when younger) super supportive, inquisitive etc if I were to try and develop a relationship with them and if either were ever curious and wanted to meet extended family then I’m sure it’d be ok and they’d have been welcomed. However, I feel it is something that he should just do with his biological siblings first (and maybe it could be a good chance for your husband to find out why he stopped going in the first place). Then build relationships with yourself and your eldest daughter further down the line. It can be very overwhelming for a child to just be thrown in the deep end and meet everyone at once…especially with siblings that they’ve never met before (I know from first hand experience - it was overwhelming for me at 19). If I were your husband though, I would ask to meet in a public place where the kids can enjoy themselves (I.e. soft play) but still get to know each other. Then when the time is right and he feels more comfortable with your husband and his siblings, things can progress potentially to visiting your home again and meeting everyone else. You don’t know what his feelings are yet towards you, he may have been told by his mum something bad about you (given what’s happened previously) or he may have gotten jealous that his dad was marrying you and not his mum…it could be something else entirely. But best thing is to take a step back at the moment, be super supportive and PATIENT whilst things are built back up. I can only imagine how hard and frustrating it is, but I hope my view somehow helps.
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Sounds like she never let go, even clinging to his family… If your not welcome there, your children shouldn’t be either… if she had worked that hard to turn the family against you what is she going to do to your children? How would she treat them? If the brother wants a relationship with them he can get off his ass and get one. I personally wouldn’t teach my children to be summoned by their siblings. Your job as a mother first and foremost is to protect your children… from any and everyone…
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Hell no they can’t go. It’s a ploy to steal your husband away. Not that he’d fall for it but you don’t walk into traps and you definitely don’t let your kids tag along.
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The ex started acting funny because she was rejected and she’s probably the reason the older sibling didn’t visit anymore. It’s a shame that grown ups can’t put their differences aside and let children be children. They didn’t ask to be born into a situation like that. Your husband has proved he doesn’t want the ex, he wants you. So why make the children suffer. Let them develop their own feelings. I was born into a really messed up situation and never knew numerous siblings because of selfish grown ups. But I was raised with 2 step sisters and now the grown ups have passed away and all I have are the 2 sisters I was raised with. Don’t be that selfish grown up. Let them develop a relationship with their siblings because one day you will be gone and they will only have each other.
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nope i have this same issue i became a mom at a young age . now that i married my forever we finally got pregnant 2yr ago we had a boy. i had several kids before i was married and he has one daughter. my hubbys bro and his wife had 2 children together but the older 3rd child was not. so when i was married into their family i noticed a difference in the biological . eventually she didn’t wanna stay with my mother in law. so she has only watched my oldest one time why we rean to the store then i seen 4 my own eyes. so our 2yr old doesn’t stay no where and when i have my daughter i tell her stay with me cus no one is going to b hateful with my kids. and she makes sure she makes sure she spends time the older grandkids . but not our son. hes 2.5 and she as only came to see him once for his birthday. he thinks his nanny is his grandma. she has a good relationship with us and if you can’t make the effort he will not go. when my husband was 12 his nanny decided to file a temporary guardianship bcus she wanted to get him away from the step dad who raised him since he was 3 bcus the step was being aggressive to him do he moved in with her. and every since they pretty much disowned ger mom and son therefore i believe she has resentments and that is why she never even comes to see him and if you really want to see someone you WILL find s eay some way some how
You’re not wrong but maybe give a little and they will see your not so bad and it will open the door for him to come over. Just a thought, this isn’t his fault right and he’s being punished for adult things.
You are not wrong. His older son needs to understand that his family includes you and your daughter. I do think that this may be a great opportunity for you to shine. Be the bigger person. Maybe meet at a neutral place, like Chuckie Cheese or something.
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Your not wrong for feeling how you feel and he can come to y’all house to spend time with them.
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He needs to come to your house to chill with his sibs or plan things to do as a family outside of the home.
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Sounds weird. At least being respectful would be necessary for such relationships.