My ex-husband and I have been divorced for five years. We have a young daughter. He also has a daughter that is now grown in college and out on her own. Originally when we got divorced, I did not want to put any type of financial burden on him, so in the divorce, I asked for half of the daycare cost, which was 250.00 a month. In between the initial filing and the divorce is finalized, he never made an effort to pay a penny, so the judge was going to order full child support again. I intervened and said I did not want to financially burden him, so the least amount the judge would allow to be ordered was 98.00 a week. That is what his current support still is. I am currently seeing a counselor and have for a while now in order to deal with the trauma of everything. My counselor has been really pushing me the last six months to reevaluate his child support and make him pay the full monthly amount that he would owe based on his income. He tells me it’s not about me, the money is not for me and that my daughter deserves that money regardless of how I feel, especially since his other child is now grown and he is no longer financially supporting her. My daughter has never stayed overnight with him; he does not access his visitation that he is allowed. He sees her approx 12 hours a month split between 2 visits, maybe sometimes not even that. He does make good money as well as I do. He makes a little more than I; however, it is pretty close to equal. He has never once offered to help with anything extra, nor have I ever asked anything of him. I do not make him pay for medical bills, dental, eye glasses, co-pays, and I carry her on my insurance as well as a secondary so that the amount out of pocket is a little less for these things even though it is an extra monthly payment I pay. Would it be fair to ask him to pay the full amount?
If he’s not involved I’d ask for the full amount.
This is a no brainer. If you dont need the money put it away for her future.
He should be paying full support. That’s the least he should do if his name is on the birth certificate.
Think you’re answering your own question my dear.
Hit his bi*ch ass with it allllllllllll.
I mean that’s entirely up to you. I personally would rather just deal with it on my own rather then stress about relying on another for money. He isn’t paying you now he won’t necessarily pay you even if they force him too. It’s money it’s not worth it in my opinion.
He apparently doesn’t care to be a parent. Make him pay full amount or give up his parental rights
Your daughter deserves it,if you dont want it for you now,put it away for her college later.
I think your counselor is pushing you to do something you really don’t want to do. If you feel like you are ok with him not paying, then why put you and the father through the whole court thing again? The $98 in child support should be getting taken out of his paychecks every month.
Yes get the full amount he’s not helping you at all and even if you don’t need the money invest it in a low risk account for her college fund
Make him pay the full thing . He ain’t special . And every father not with there child and not seeing there child on a regular definitely needs to pay
Get it and put it up for her… If her dad does not want to be full time dad then he can pay full money… But in the end it is what your heart tells you to do… But it would be a nice college nest egg for her…
Definitely get the full amount! If anything you can open a savings for your daughter.
I wouldn’t poke the bear, personally. I’d leave it alone.
He may not exercise his rights to her because he is paying so little. If you ask for full support he could come back and ask for more time with her to lessen that support. If you are ok with that then yes, ask for the full amount. If you are not think long and hard about whether money is a good enough reason to change your entire family dynamic.
Ask for it. Then put it in a saving account for when she is older or collage. She will need it then
Im no professional but i dont think counselors are supposed to be forcing anyone or nagging anyone to do anything while working.
I wouldn’t worry about helping his financial burden, the same way he’s not worried about your financial burdens or time with his daughter. Don’t protect selfish people.
Where are wrong is divorce is not fair. Is it fair to your daughter? Why are you worried about him?
if you don’t need the money that’s fine but I would still ask for full amount if he will. and out the money aside for her for school etc it will help her when she wants to go to school or whatever she wants
I didn’t even read your whole post without spitting YES! Your child is the one that suffers when mamma is stressed AF! That man doesn’t need an excuse not to pay for his child when he is a grown ass man.
I would have drained him dry
How about offering more parenting time?
Yes
Considering he doesn’t even spend much time with the child and I’m sure doesnt buy her anything, paying child support is the least he can do.
If he was actively involved in her life I’d say you are doing the right thing. However, since he is not then he needs to be paying his fair share of raising her. Look at it like this, he’s paying to get out of parenting basically…sad excuse of a man.
Yes!! Braces are just around the corner, and driving😉
Listen to your counselor.
Don’t they reevaluate child support every so often?
Get your daughter’s money owed and put the excess in a college savings fund for her.
Just know ge can ask for 50/50 and lessen that amount
He chose to have a child with you. Knowing that children come with a certain financial burden. You are shouldering the majority of they right now, while he who makes about the same as you only has to pay $98 a week. That’s very little considering what you are paying. I think that just bc you can pay for more doesn’t mean you should. If he were very involved and helping and utilizing his time and you felt this way I would say no don’t take him back. However he barely sees her, what fair and what’s right is that he pay half of medical bills daycare etc and then whatever the state formula is. Put a portion towards a college fund for your daughter.
You may not need it, but your daughter is entitled to it. She has a father who has an obligation to financially support her. If you do not want to use the money, save it. College is expensive, so is moving out on your own. Why carry the responsibility yourself. You didn’t make her alone, you may not want or need anything from him. But it’s not fair to make that decision for your child. You have to do what’s in her best interest. Having said that, I was the same way with my ex husband. I didn’t want child support, didn’t ask for spousal. I did finally agree to the amount based on his income, but it was 10 years before I took him back to court for an increase. In that time his income had doubled and he never made any effort to help out with extras like daycare or extra curricular activities. He was pissed, but it wasn’t about me needing the money. My girls where entitled to a higher amount. Had he been willing to work with me and pitch in for the extras, that weren’t unreasonable, it would have stayed at half what he ended up paying every month. 
More then fair!! But I understand wanting to do it alone.
Child support isn’t for you. It’s for your daughter. So yes I would get the full amount.
Your counsellor is right about saying that your daughter deserves that money regardless of how you feel.
My ex wouldn’t pay anything and when it came to court I told my lawyer that I don’t want anything and all the same things that you did. My lawyer told me it’s not about how I feel and what I can afford it’s about having that money for my daughter and her needs.
Whether or not you can afford all kinds of different things for your daughter that money is to help support her.
Get your daughter a bank account and put whatever money you don’t need into her account. Put the extra money that you don’t use aside for emergencies or her schooling or whatever. That’s what I do.
But don’t forget that even your living expenses like rent/mortgage, hydro/heat/water. Are all things that child support is for as well. People always say that it’s not and that’s not true.
Yes, especially if he doesn’t see her or help at all with day to day costs or with anything at all, if it makes you feel uncomfortable offer him more time to spend with her but if he declines, make him pay anyway, he helped make that beautiful little girl. It’s not just on you mama.
I have mixed feelings about this. Part of me says, he helped bring this little life into the world and he’s not struggling to get by so he should be obligated to help raise her and share the cost of raising her. I have 4, even if you’re financially stable they are expensive and it’s not all your responsibility. On the other hand, I feel like (now this is me putting myself in your shoes, I am not a single mom so take this for what it’s worth) is it worth it to you if by upping the child support he decides he’s going to take full advantage of his visits? Like would that be a problem for you (even if you’d never keep him from his visits, would you feel uneasy if she stayed overnight with him even days at a time??). I have friends who leave the child support thing alone and don’t press anything because they don’t want dad to push his visitation rights because they’re uncomfortable sending their kids off with a dad who is barely involved. Personally, I think you gotta do some soul searching and decide what’s best for y’all’s situation. That’s a tough one.
If he took her two weeks out of the mnth everymonth had a room ,clothes, toys for her paid day care for her etc, yeah I wouldnt ask for child support. But 12 hours ? In a month screw that dude
Yes it’s fair you ask a judge to re-evaluate it and get what’s deserved for your child. I know if you ask him tho he’s going to throw a fit more than likely
He needs to pay if u don’t want to use it then start a trust fund for her so she can decide what she wants to do.you did not climb until of yourself get pregnant it takes 2 in most cases
Not selfish …if you don’t need it put it in a savings acct for her to use when she is older…doesn’t seem like he will be around much so he can pay the CS to help her in the future
You’re a damn fool. Make him pay. Your daughter deserves it.
$98 a week barely covers the monthly cost of daycare alone. She still needs other things, raising babies is expensive. If he was utilizing his time and being active in her life it would be different but he isn’t. It isn’t just your financial responsibility to raise her, he should he helping more. I dont think its unfair at all for you to request the full amount. Use what you need for her and put the rest in savings for her future.
Definitely get the full amount even if u put the difference in an account for her for When shes grown
It’s a personal decision but honestly that money belongs to your daughter. Someone above meantioned opening a savings account for her and that sounds like a wonderful idea. I would put my feelings aside and get the help for your daughter.
I feel you should go after full support, use the money for your daughters needs, if there is anything left over start a college fund for her.
I would go back and have it reevaluated. If he is ordered to pay more and you don’t need the money put it into a savings account for your child so when they are older they will have some money for car, school, living expenses, etc already set aside.
Kids are not free,and all you’re doing is showing him that being a shit parent is ok, and that he doesnt have to be responsible for the child he helped make.
If you go for it and don’t “need” it (since you said you are financially stable) , place it in account for her. Could help her with a car later or a down payment for an apartment.
Idk why you’re so emotionally invested. Go for the ordered cs. If you feel above using it then put it aside and one day when you’re daughter is ready for college or a car or to go to Europe, it’s paid for. Stop focusing on him he isn’t your problem.
Yes he should pay for support. If you don’t need put it in a savings account for your daughter. Your daughter will eventually need a car and college.
Your baby deserves each penny due! DO IT.
Yes, definitely. I did the evaluation with my ex last year, and his income had increased significantly. I opted to keep it at the same amount I have because he is actively involved and pays for other things for her and offers even when not asked. If I was in your position, I would have taken the max I could have gotten. It’s not just for the material things, it’s for the roof you put over her head, the food you provide and everything else it takes just to raise a child safely. You got this, stay strong.
Get that money!! No, seriously Take the child support, set up an account for your daughter and when shes old enough give her a card and let her spend as she sees fit or if you ever start struggling to pay for Bill’s for you two then you have something to fall back on.
And why shouldn’t he pay the full amount?
Daycare, medical/dental, clothes, food, housing, etc…
Did you make yourself pregnant?
She deserves it. No reason he can’t pay the full amount and at the very least half of the medical!
If it’s a financial burden, he needs to manage his funds better or work some OT.
Like you said, he has all the free time, he’s not making any effort to see her.
I’d personally go for it
When my sister in law got her divorce, she got child support,clothing allowance twice a year and he had to pay half or all medical expenses
I’d force him to at least financially support her. If you don’t “need” the money - put it in a savings account for college. Likely he’s not going to help pay for that either when the time comes so helping now would be worth it.
Yes & see if the judge will retroactive back support, then put every bit in a savings account for her
Yes since he hasn’t helped … I personally don’t think you shouldnhave said no before but obviously you have to decide.
Why is this even a question. If he’s got a child then he needs to support it fully…
Don’t u think he’s half responsible and if he does not help with raising take it out of his pocket
if you experienced trauma in your relationship, it sounds like you still feel a sense of needing to protect him. it’s very common with abuse victims but it’s irrational. you do not need to protect him, get the full amount and set up an account for your daughter. she is his responsibility too and not only is your daughter missing out on that money, but you’re just enabling him unfortunately.
So its worked since your divorce just fine and now since you let someone in your ear you are wanting more??? Hmmmm…sounds a little 
hungry
Personally kids are expensive and he helped create the child so he should definitely pay remember your the one paying for everything even if you don’t want the money make an account for your child and put the child support in there is what I’d do you have the child look after her ect full time so go for it
Get that money and take a nap please!
I would do it fully && just open an account for the kid && let the money sit there for when they get older…he’s not raising anyone but he did make the baby w/ you so why shouldn’t he provide
Yes and put it toward her college fund.
$250 a month is typically the amount per child
Unless he makes excessive amount
Oh well dummy you, like he gives a F about your financial situation, why would you even wanna make it easy for him its his kid to, hes probably laughing his head off at you for making it easy for him 
more money in his pocket to spend on his new missus
If you dont want his money but are considering the child support anyway, you can start a savings for your child. If your not struggling that’s the best idea for the money
He needs to pay child support, medical bills & insurance on her & college!!
I would ask for more if you’re covering all insurance. $98 a week is maybe helping with childcare but no other expenses and kids are expensive. If you don’t NEED it, then you should just put it in a savings account for a car, college fund, wedding… things will be more expensive down the road.
You need to make him pay the full amount. It’s about your daughter not you. What about putting the extra money away for her first car, Graduation, or even college…You never know what your future holds. ( not being mean by any way ) .I am just trying to keep it real…God forbid if you get really sick and can’t work. Then what ?? .That fact that you provide for your daughter is great…But Child support can go for her future and yours too if needed.
Not really.
You want one thing then want another everyone is going threw hard times. Everyone has trauma.
Get that money put it away for your child
it is fair…it’s his child as well…high time he realizes this…if he cannot give her his time, the least he can do is make her life better by supporting financially.
Why not? She is his child also!
Money grabbing whores everywhere in here ain’t there
I mean, if you do go for it and you don’t need the extra put it in to a savings account and let your child decide to put it towards furthering their education or money for first house/apartment things.
That’s still his child, so he needs to support her fully! I know you don’t wanna burden him and that’s sweet and everything. But he’s a grown man. He doesn’t need to be babied. That’s just my opinion though, you can do whatever you feel is right
Well, a judge thinks its fair for him to pay the full amount.
Definitely and put it all in a fund for her when she gets older and ready to go to college or do what she chooses.
If you aren’t wanting to affect him financially, why not have him pay you money monthly for her college fund? Wanna help her out in the long run? Put money aside for her for things such as her first apartment, her first car, etc. so if she’s in a financial crisis in the future she has a bit of a cushion. Ask about him spending more time with her, maybe ask him to start taking her clothes shopping a few times. Maybe ask for help financially with her schooling and such. Whatever works for you, xoxo.
He’s responsible for supporting his children … financially and otherwise. If you don’t enforce the court ruling, you’re disrespecting your daughter. Always, always fight for your kids & their rights. She deserves his support.
Stop being a softy and get what you’re owed. Simple as that.
If you don’t need the money put it into an account until she is an adult.
Yes he needs to be financially responsible for her. If you are stable financially then put it away for a college fund,vehicle a fun holiday for her, whatever you like
Uhhhh… Why didn’t you want to before?! Your counselor is right, it’s not about you it’s about your kid. Why do you care if you financially burden him? Y’all divorced for a reason, that’s just too nice imo. It’s about your kid, and what you can put together for her. It doesn’t sound like he cares much about her- make him accountable for something
I’d understand if he was financially struggling and was involved alot more why you’d deny child support. I’m Seriously confused why you aren’t trying to get more he is financially responsible , he hardly sees his kid. Something is Seriously off 
There’s no reason not to ask for the child support that your child is entitled to. If you were still married, he would be spending that money to provide for his child. Why shouldn’t he be spending that same amount of money to provide for his child just because he isn’t married to their mother? Let the judge reevaluate and make him pay the full amount he’s obligated to.
Make him pay full amount. Its for your daughter. You didn’t make her alone momma
yes make him pay every cent. he had the fun of producing her .
Absolutely. College expenses can be crushing. He should be paying a fare support that will allow you to put some money aside for her education.
Get your full support… has your counselor told you that you are too nice? Mine failed to mention that too… quit being self sacrificial and go for the full amount.
GO FOR IT !
If he paid for the older childs schooling and fully supported her , than the young one deserves the same !
Trust the judge and your counselor
Your counselor is spot on !
I think in the middle between maximum and minimum he could pay. If you don’t need it put in savings for her. As she gets older she will need and want more expensive stuff. Plus if something happens and you can’t work yourself it will be something to fall back on . Look at how much your life has changed in the last 10 years .
Keep going to your therapist to figure out why you don’t think you deserve all that you’re owed for your daughter given you seem to be paying for everything. Why do you not think it’s his responsibility to pay for at least half of EVERYTHING?