I’ve been with my partner 4 years a couple of days before we got together he had a one night stand which resulted in a pregnancy I’ve always tried to push him to communicate with his now nearly 4 year old daughter and they get in so we’ll I’m really happy for him however the girls mother has made our life hell for the most part of it fast forward to now we’re all in a good place and he’s got regular visitation but I find myself stepping back at visits etc just standing back letting them get on with their visits the daughter has got special needs so o don’t wanna overwhelm her however I myself am struggling with infertility I love my partner and his little girl endlessly but watching them together I sometimes get a little pain in my heart knowing I can never give him this kind of happiness I guess my question is does this make me a bad person
Solid approach. She will integrate herself as she’s comfortable
That feeling is normal. As long as you don’t take those negative feelings out on him or his daughter, then you are not a bad person.
Dont push too hard for a relationship as it may have the reverse effect, but just reassure her that you’re there and there to stay. That you love her and will treat her like your own 
These things take time but it will be worth it.
The feeling is normal. And you are such a wonderful stepmother too!!!
I don’t think you’re anything close to being a bad person for this. For one, I think its respectful that you let the biological parents have their coparenting time with her. So important for a growing lady. But with her having special needs, she’s going to place you as a permanent figure next to your boyfriend if you plan on staying with him and have been with him for awhile. So its okay for you to accept her as a bonus child, even though you might have a pang of hurt over not being able to biologically have your own. These are natural, human emotions that can be dealt with. I think the question here is, are you ready for that title? Have you been able to discuss any of your concerns with your partner? Have you made how you feel clear and known?
Never say never I was told I’d never have kids I have 2 and my daughter was told that she has 2. I would make sure you’re part of your step daughters life it would feel so bad for her not to feel like you love her. I’m a stepdaughter and when my stepmother was didn’t pay me any attention it hurt like she didn’t love me or want to get to know me.
I would feel the same way I’ve struggled with fertility issues but my last treatment worked I have alot of feelings beating myself up over not being able to give my husband another child what you feel is completely normal with her having special needs I’d take it slow she will grow attached on her own time giving them the space you feel they need will make her feel even more comfortable with you because you aren’t trying to jump in an make her feel uncomfortable it will come in time just don’t be hard on yourself an if fertility treatments aren’t working for you maybe you two can discuss another option to have your own little family
Absolutely not. You feel how you feel, and you aren’t taking it out on the kid. You’re fine. You’re not even being negative about it, you’re just sad. Which is normal!
Nope but having a son or daugther is a treasure from Gos and true parents are whose that raise a child. If I were you I would talk to him about adopting.
Its irrelevant if the child has special needs… I hate posts like this…
Look at the person not their condition…its the social model of disability… stop looking at the medical model
Love her as your own… she’s as much apart of you as he is🌺
It’s nothing wrong with what your doing let the little girl get comfortable with at her own time
It’s normal. I deal with this daily pain but kinda reversed. My boyfriend doesn’t have kids and I have two kids but I can’t have anymore. It’s hard dealing with the fact knowing I can’t have any with him. He’s fine about it my I’m not.
Doesn’t make you a bad person….it shows you’re a normal human with feelings! As far as the child goes…plz try not to back away. She will be in his life as long as he is alive so you need to build a relationship and bond with her. I know it can be intimidating dealing with a child with special needs if you have never been around children with special needs but the best way to overcome that is by getting to know her and learning her triggers and things that help her. Give it time mama and be patient with yourself. Everything will work out.
It makes you human. Xx
No, it doesn’t but in time, once he builds a bond with his child, y’all’s time will come. I had secondary infertility. Took 5 years and then 3 years for my 2nd & 3rd. I know not everyone will get the chance of being a parent, but it’s not your fault and it’s not his fault. This would be a time for y’all’s relationship to grow stronger. Try not to resent him, be patient and you & his daughter will have y’all’s own bond. There’s so many other ways to become a mommy 
No sweetie…it makes you very human and ive no doubt you’ll be a brilliant step mom to this little girl in time.
Youre right to stay in the background till she gets used to you but maybe try sitting on the floor nearby so she can reach out to you in her own time . …dont give up on having a child though…pregnancy happens every day to woman who were told they couldn’t conceive
I’m guessing you’ll always be apart of her life, So just do what you can to connect and make sure she knows you look at her as your own. That’s the best thing you could do for her. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are human. It’s all rough terrain, that we all gotta feel our way through half the time. Sending love and light your way! Good luck!
Oh hun it makes you a human being with a heart. Love on her. My ex husband and I tried for YEARS to get pregnant, was told it would never happen unless I did IVF…we decided that we didn’t want to play that mental game… we got divorced,I met an amazing man and now I have a 20 yr old daughter and a 15 month old son I’m also a bonus mom to an 8 yr old little boy and a 4 yr old little girl. When I first moved in with him,I stepped way back to let them get use to being here without their mom,divorce sucks on kid’s. And slowly came around. We have a great relationship now even though their mom hatessss me lol.
No…that’s hard doll. Much love to you
No it’ is human. I want a baby with my boyfriend. He is happy without any kids. He has mine and my grandbaby. He is okay with that
Perfectly normal for you to feel this way. Maybe women struggling with fertility issues do. Stop looking at it from the perspective that ‘‘you can’t give him that happiness’’. Have you been to a clinic?
No, does not make you a bad person.
In no way does you feeling that way make you a bad person. You can’t help what you can’t help. He is obviously aware of the issues and has stayed with you. With that being said, if you and him plan to spend the rest of your lives together, she’s your daughter too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having two moms and two dads. That just 4 times the love for her. Not sure what her special needs are, but do some research on the issues or talk to a doctor and get some advisement on how to include yourself. I understand you don’t want to overwhelm the child, but biological or not, I would consider her my child also and wanna be involved as much as possible and as much as she is comfortable with.
On a side note, stay positive for yourself. I know plenty of people who have struggled with infertility and now have beautiful little families. 
You’re human. You’ll be a part of that baby girls life forever. Embrace her like you would your own. It takes a village. And don’t count your own body out just yet. Miracles happen all the time.
No.
Just an honest one:heart:
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I never thought I’d have kids. Had a few miscarriages before I had my own daughter. You’ve been with your partner since the start. You’ve been in the girls life her whole life. Stop stepping back from it when they are together and be there for her. You’ve been as much a part of her life as what her dad has been. Don’t shy away from it.
My step mum always thought she wouldn’t be able to love other kids as much as her own, she has a daughter, but she does. So I suppose my point is be there for her and be part of her life, she can never have too many people love her and being there for her. And see it as a bonus that you get to be part of her life and have someone you can love as a daughter as you are struggling. And if that doesn’t work try being an auntie type role model, girls need good aunties.
I deal with infertility too however there are many ways to be a parent, fertility treatments, surrogacy, adoption, fostering, and being a step mum is one of them dont step away when you should be stepping forward
Yes it does make you a bad person
No. You are not a bad person. You are dealing with an unusual situation and you are allowed to feel how you feel about it. Have you thought of going to counseling or joining a stepmom support group?
Just remember good karma.
Love her as your own, even if it hurts.
My husband and I tried for 6 years. Every negative tests were heartbreaking. My SIL had her fifth child and I ended up truly loving him as my own. A year later, I got pregnant.
My first is 1.5 and I’m due in 8.5 weeks.
Don’t give up!!
It does not make you a bad person.
I applaud you for giving them space to get to know one another.
If you know you cannot have children of your own, & want them, please look into adoption! That will be as much your child together as one you birthed.
Then you don’t have to feel left out, or behind, you get the joy of loving & sharing a child together, & it might be easier to start joining the visits and becoming a real family together.
Just a suggestion 
Love her like she’s your baby while she’s at your home. Make it a point to do things with her just you and her. Having special needs just means a little more work but kids with special needs are just as lovable as those without. I love and do any and all things for my step daughter the same as my daughters down to if they get a new toy I get her one to for when she comes on visits. I think treating her like your own would help wonders. Learn what needs to be done for her and help accomplish the tasks and be involved. Then when you have your own love them both as your own
You’re not a bad person at all. However, I would love that little girl to pieces and see it as a chance of still making an impact on her life. I know it’s not the same as bearing your own child but get in there and be an active part of her life. Don’t just sit on the side lines. Besides, there is no such thing as to much love! Make the best of what you got. Be blessed! 
I would say only you know how you feel. I would also say now is the time to try and bond with her especially so young. My daughter also may not be able to have children her now fiancé has a 11 year old daughter. My daughter kinda stood back at first not wanting to feel like she was trying to be her mom and Ofcourse seeing her fiancé with his daughter made her love him that much more because he’s an amazing dad. I told my daughter start off as her friend gain each others trust it’s a little different when building a relationship with an older child. Now my daughter loves her to death and she loves my daughter. The other day they were at a wedding together ( her dad is a videographer) and the little girl looked at my daughter and said when are you and my dad going to have a wedding like this. My daughter said she asked her do you want us to have one and the little girl told her I can’t wait for you to marry my daddy. That was enough to melt her heart and realize she’s doing something right. Love this child just try and open your heart and once you have relaxed and not focused so much on your infertility it’s a known fact that many women end up having children once they have become content with what is. Give yourself a chance to love her your way.
Your feelings are totally valid! Keep doing what you’re doing mama
It’s normal. Don’t let the idea ofna step daughter ruin the opportunity to be a positive influence on an impressionable little girl. Don’t worry about Mom if she has issues with you. Just be good to him.and her…I have the same struggles…I became a step Mom to a 6 and 8 yr old who are now 12 and 10. But to to my surprise we now have a 21 month old together…mind you I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids. I had my son at 41. Your feelings are valid, don’t miss out in a special bond that could result from this. 
My ex found out about his son a couple months before I fell pregnant which ended in a miscarriage. I had a lot of resentment to begin with and stepped back. However over time I slowly opened myself to him and now even though we are not together I still see him as my step son. It hurts but I promise as you let the relationship grow between the 2 of you (you and the child) it dosent feel so bad. I definitely suggest talking with your s/o and letting him know you think u might want to try and be a bit more involved and see if maybe he could have your back in doing so.
Never say never miracles do happen 
Step moms can be the best bonus moms! Your feelings are valid, but don’t be afraid to let yourself be a loving and caring step mom having step kids is truly amazing, we didn’t birth them but we get to watch them grow and help shape them into adults too. You also never know when the time will be right for you! Keep trying but also know you will be an important part of your step daughters life and you don’t have to give birth to be a mom.
My best friend has pcos and had her dr help her get on something to help her get pregnant just took 6 months of Dr help
No it’s hard to see someone have a child and knowing u can’t its not gonna ever be easy but I think letting the child get to know u and form a bond is ok they need to know that no matter if they are with the dad or mom they are safe and secure it helps if she’s felt loved by all
No, that’s understandable and you’ve done a great job helping to facilitate and support his relationship with his child and build a healthy situation all round.
There’s a lot of options with infertility you could always look at adoption ect?
Perhaps try ease yourself into being more involved with them now is 4 years on and your a part of both their lives x
Keep trying, never give up! There’s no harm in it. I know people who struggled and were not meant to be able to have children, but they do now, miracles do happen! And I really hope it does for you soon. Sending lots of baby dust your way 
Good luck!
I like that you don’t sound bitter or jealous and you seem concerned for the girls needs. I think you would probably be a really good step mom to her. Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. Make sure you all try to get along for her. Therapy is never a bad idea.
Your feelings are your own. It’s ok to feel this. That’s a hard situation to be in. Have a talk with him about where you fit in so you can be a part of it and him and her still have quality time. Hugs
Ur feelings are valid keep on doing what u have been and eventually u will feel like a parent too it can be a challenge prayers n hugs
Your feelings are valid! you are sweet to step back to let them have their time. But you can definitely be included in that as well, to build a bond with that baby girl. Maybe one day you can even love her as your own. The fact that you feel bad about feeling this way says a lot
Absolutely not… At least you can be honest about your feelings. They are your feelings & no reason to feel bad about them! Hugs & prayers! 
I wasn’t supposed to be able to have children & God still seen it fit to bless me with 2 boys 11 years apart… God has the final say!
My husband an I were told we couldn’t have kids I have 3/4 right ovary an tube an no left ovary an tube. We have 2 babies after 5 years of trying
No, the true question is will he stay with you if that’s the case? You need to talk about it honey. He shouldn’t make you feel out of place or left behind. There’s no impossbile in trying visit your ob and ask what can you two do to conceive. You are beautiful, you have the right to be a good stepmom to her a person with special needs is more loving.
It definitely does not and don’t give up it took me and my husband 6years to conceive our son
Don’t give up. I have pcos and it took me 14yrs.
My daughter is 4… And i just had a baby boy 4 months ago ìm 36yrs old and gonna try for baby #3 next year. 
Life blesses us when we least expect it. Ask your ob for a medication called letrozole. I used it once and got pg w my son. (Pg naturally w my daughter. )
It doesn’t make you a bad person at all
It makes you normal. It also makes you insightful.
At age 45 I got pregnant.
Your not her stepmother he hasn’t purposed to you at all just cause you have his kid don’t mean nothing
Nope, you’re not a bad person at all. You’re human and what you’re feeling is 
normal and acceptable.
NOOOO!!! YOU’RE AN AWESOME STEP MOM!!! I had problems in btwn our 2 boys, I lost 4!!! Get a thorough ob/gyn exam!! Stress can be bad for u!! I know it’s hard, YOU GOT THIS!!!
No. It’s only natural to feel this way. Acknowledge these feelings, but don’t let them tear you down or get in the way. You can always try with treatments or adopt a child that needs a loving home. But don’t let it stress you out, take this time to enjoy each other and when you’re ready for a family of your own, just go ahead and get in touch with a dr. There’s no need to rush 
Doesn’t make you a bad person to feel the yearning of wanting something as beautiful as your own child especially seeing how happy your husband is around YOUR step daughter. Its lovely you give them space but remember your her family too. Step mum’s can have great bonds with their children. I wouldn’t give up trying but please don’t stress, stress can have a massive impact. I wish you all the luck in filling your heart. Xx
You’re feelings are valid. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise
Not at all. I also suffered with infertility for a really long time, and my husband had a daughter when I met him. I was just another safe person for her for a few years. When we filed for full custody (lots was going on with SD in her mother’s care) I found out I was pregnant again and she’s 3 now! There are many different ways to make a family, something that you and your partner might consider is becoming foster parents. You take a few classes and they get you all set up. You can pick the age range you are interested in and you can become a safe space for a child who needs that kinda love in their life. You can also foster to adopt, which means the children placed in your care will probably need to be adopted. Good luck momma, I know the pain you are going through.
Not at all. Just don’t bottle them.
And believe it or not, feeling guilty about how you feel proves that you mean no ill will or animosity.
I think your normal. Try being a foster parent.
You can always adopt
Your feelings are valid! If you both have tried everything and still are wanting a child of your own id recommend adoption! Theres always a child that needs a good loving home 
Aw sweetheart I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you but you seem to have your head screwed on and by the sound of it you are an amazing stepmother to that little girl despite the circumstances of how she entered the world. Your man is lucky to have you. As for not being able to have your own children and it breaking your heart just remember just because someone isn’t blood related it doesn’t make them any less of a parent to a child they are helping to raise xx
Absolutely NOT!!, U are not a bad person!
U can slowly start doing things with her as a family so she does not get overwhelmed
Your feelings considering your situation, are valid. I’ve never dealt with infertility myself, but I know it’s a tough mental/emotional battle.
The fact that you identify the feelings as maybe abnormal/wrong & are questioning them… I think shows more than anything that you are a GOOD person, honestly.
You’re going through a tough time right. Feel how you need to feel … but still be considerate of others feelings too. Don’t push the child away, …keep loving her as I’m sure you already do. … just understand that YOU are dealing with something that means a lot to you right now & you are going to have “odd” feelings. You’re human.
It doesn’t make you a bad person.
Bad people make bad choices and hurt others. You have infertility issues. That is absolutely not your fault. And I’m sure anyone in your position would feel hurt and sad and maybe even some jealousy about not being able to have your own kids. You are not a bad person.
Honestly with my ex his children’s mother made it very difficult and there were times when it’s like I just wanted to give up because it’s almost a damned if you but a damned if you don’t scenario, sometimes I used to feel resentment not necessarily at the children but for their mother but it’s how you push through thise feelings that mean the most. I also have been struggling to get pregnant so I feel you but honestly I knew that doing things for then made them happy. I may not ever be a “real” mom but I can do my best to help make an impact to raise these kids into productive members of society and help them succeed. You shouldn’t ever feel like you’re a bad person because it’s okay to have those feelings but you also have to learn how to balance them with still being a loving step parent. It’s hard but you can pull through it.
Never feel guilty for feeling the way you do. You are loving yoeatfs her and happy for him. It’s okay if you feel bad as long as you don’t take it out on your partner or the child. I’m sure your endless love has given your partner and his daughter more happiness than you could ever imagine.
I tried for 14-16years with knowing I was the problem I have 1 Overy and tube, past partners left and had got pregnant within weeks of leaving, been with my oh 5 years now, his lg is 10, he has her full time, I used to cry saying you don’t understand u have a child u don’t feel wat I feel and so on, 1 year went by and I feel pregnant, had a lg shes nearly 3 now, then last I fell again my lb is 1 next month, never give up but please don’t try, I resigned myself to never having a child, I was so shocked I hardly believed it all the way through 
these things take time I really believe that n don’t get me wrong at the time I hated everyone with kids, everyone pregnant lol xx
Remember… your feelings are ALWAYS valid… it’s how you handle those feelings that make it valid or not. I’m not a step mom so I cant give any advice from that!
It makes you human. You long time be a mother and that’s natural. Just keep in mind that this little girl is a gift and time fly’s by so fast. If you plan to stick around then it is important that you participate in the time she spends with her dad. Children even if they have special needs also have feelings. You don’t want her to pick up on your hesitation.
Is he absolutely sure this little girl is his??
But if he signed the birth certificate he took responsibility that she is his.
As for the mother of this little girl. Just maybe thought their one night stand woul do last forever… Or whatever. But by now so h we do should have gotten over this.
Right now it’s all about this little girl & just make her comfortable & loved, because none of this is her fault
As
You are not a bad person. You are such a good person for even asking this question in the first place. Sounds like you are a great person because you give this child and her fathers relationship an opportunity to grow and be nourished. Many step moms do not do that. Just remember there is no competition, you bring happiness to your partners life in a different way. She brings happiness to him in one way. There is no comparison. Gods timing. All the best.
It doesn’t make you a bad person at all. Your allowed to be disappointed and feel hurt that you are struggling with infertility. I think it’s good honestly if you step back a smidge and let him really bond with his daughter. But at the same time don’t step away. I know you said she’s amazing. She can be that light you need too.
I don’t think it’s lack of wanting to parent her with him. I think infertility can break your heart and make you bitter.
Being a step-mom is better than not being a mom at all? I think as hard as it may be, put your partners feelings first and maybe you don’t have to bake cookies with her but I think he will be a better dad with your support
God could be placing that little girl in your life for a reason as well.
I’m sorry about your struggle.You sound like a really good person cause being a step mom is hard work as it is sometimes let alone dealing with him having had a kid from a one night stand.I hope things get better for you.Sending hugs your way and I hope for the best outcome for you.
You’re there too! Step in and show support & love. Build that relationship 
you love her endlessly, so jump in
I would step in and do what your heart is telling you. The mom is probably just jealous. Love that little one with all you can give!
I think the real issue is,are you being allowed to be a part of his daughter’s life without causing problems between your husband and his daughter’s mother. Talk with your husband and see if you can come up with a solution. You can also talk with your husband about trying Foster care or adoption.
Honestly I think you’re doing the right thing. You are thinking about the child which makes you a great stepmom
No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Maybe you will feel more comfortable later on. But right now, you’re fine. It’s normal to have these feelings.
No but that doesn’t make you bad. But you really should try to join in as a family when she is there. The longer you wait the harder it will be.
Not even in the slightest. You are wonderful to be so accepting of his daughter. Maybe you all can grow and bond together, take small steps into her life
I struggled with infertility for 14 years and thought I could never get pregnant. My husband has two other children from previous relationships, I always looked at it as having them and being able to be in their lives was better than not having any children at all.
You are a wonderful person, for supporting him, unconditionally and his child
Awwww… step up as a step momma.
Huggs
I hope your wishes come true