My 14-year old (soon to be 15) has recently started becoming more interested in girls. He has had a phone since he was 13, and I will randomly go through his phone just to make sure things are ok, or he’s not talking to anyone he shouldn’t be. Well, tonight, I did one of my random checks, and there is some cartoon porn on his search history. I know it is probably pretty typical for a kid his age to start thinking about this kind of stuff and acting on it. My question is, what would you do? Would you take his phone? Would you just have “the talk” with him? Any advice is appreciated. Please be nice, lol he is my oldest and I’m very unsure of what to do. I don’t want him to think sex is “bad,” but I also don’t want to just ignore the situation either. Thanks!
Let him be. If you take it away your teaching him sex is bad and shameful. Just have the talk and be there for him
Just have a sex talk, things he may see on internet, but don’t call him out on what you saw on his phone cuz all he’ll hear is that you snooped through his phone, he’ll be embarrassed and shut you out.
It’s time to have that talk with him. Remember be easy on him with this because is a natural thing! Just make sure you are supportive and he understands that you will always be there when he needs to talk when he decides that the time is right for him to begin those experiences.
Teach him about safe sex and let it be. The moment you teach him it’s bad, he’s going to be sneaky and won’t tell you anything
I’d leave it be , sounds pretty normal for a boy that age. Admitting you went through his phone only creates more problems for your relationship.
depends on the type of cartoon porn…to what extent? I’d say keep an open mind and speak with him, however that can lead to less sharing from him on things and he may learn how to hide stuff. If you have a close and open relationship with him, just chat about it. Honesty is usually the best and you want him to be able to come to you with some things.
It’s important that you talk to him about a few things. One is that it’s completely natural rove
to be curious. Another is what he looks at and what can get him in trouble, such as child porn. Bad thing is that porn is one big rabbit hole they can get lost in and find their way to things that are not natural or illegal. Porn is also addicting so maybe monitor more closely.
Talk to him. Show him disease affect, pregnancy responsibilities, etc. taking his phone won’t really help. Kids around him at school are talking about sex, I promise you.
My advice to you would be to let your son know never to be ashamed to talk to you about it. Hes 15 of course he will become interested in these things nothing to be ashamed about. Sit him down and have the talk good luck
Sounds like a late bloomer. Lol they doing that from 12.
Don’t tell him you found the phone just leave it alone. I’d just have the sex talk and let him know if he needs privacy to put something on the door so y’all know to knock or not enter.
talk, talk, talk and never stop!
Yes have the talk. You probably should have already had the talk.also include no means no and that a girl doesnt owe you a thing ig youre nice.
Also include that he is valuable and lovable and he shouldnt settle for girls who are mean or abusive.
He should’ve been told about sex at age 10. YOU are creating shame by failing to address this directly. Do it NOW.
I would talk with my kids n caution them about certain things nude photos shared r sex traffickers on internet n just make sure they’re aware what’s out their n the craziness of some !!
Don’t embarass yourselves.
Now is the perfect time to talk to him about the birds and the bees, preferably Dad but if he’s not around Mom is just as good…Be casual and cool about it, then on a serious note what’s appropriate and what isn’t…
This is quite normal. You need to become comfortable with discussing sex with him. Your goal should be for him NOT to learn from his peers as they are clueless. Taking his phone only makes you comfortable not him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.
Question: Where is his father? Do you have a brother. There are things going on with his body that you don’t understand.
I found porn in my sons phone at 12. I had a talk with him and explained to him that masturbation was normal. However, I made it clear to him that he isn’t allowed to watch Porn because Porn is for adults. I do not trust the types of content he may run into. Like incest, bestiality, etc. I feel like the teenage mind is not prepared for that content. It can fuck a kids head up.
I think I would just have the talk . Atleast he doesn’t have a baby on the way. Teenagers are their hormones is no joke. He sounds like a normal teen.
Be open and honest with him.
My mom’s talk with me was she better not catch me doing anything wasn’t allowed to lock my bedroom door and she didn’t believe in knocking I had no privacy which was probably why I lost my virginity at a young age and had my first child at 19
Went through this with my son when he was 11 (now 13). They are curious and that is perfectly normal:) We have a rule you can have internet access and the App Store as long as you are responsible with it. I also do random phone checks I pay the bill so I get to see what’s on it (texts, search history and so on) but we do it together so we can talk about the good, the uncomfortable and inappropriate. We have explained to him that the urge to look at sexual content is perfectly normal however what he is viewing can be dangerous and is inappropriate for his age and not how real life works. Depending on your child and the relationship you guys have this could actual lead to your child coming to you when they want to know more or have an issue (it did for us). This definitely opens up opportunities for safe sex, masturbation, consequences of behavior and so on type conversations.
I’d definitely talk to him about it. But I wouldn’t tell him you found stuff on his phone. It’ll probably embarrass him. And probably make him feel like he needs to be sneaky. He needs to know it’s okay and it’s normal and how to go about these things correctly so he’s not walked in on. My son is only 9 but for the longest time he had an obsession with his privates. And I told him then… I think he was 5? That if he wanted to do those things he needed to do it in the bathroom or his own bedroom with the door closed and by himself.
I think it’s normal at that age… I would definitely have the talk with him, but don’t mention the phone or what you found. I talked to my girls at around age 13
Educate him about contraception and diseases and try not to scold him. I never had a talk I was always just yelled at…it really messes with ya…
What to tell him?
First, sex is not the same as making love. Sex is cheap, sex is meaningless, sex is a waste of time. Making love on the other hand is beautiful, fulfilling, and life altering.
Secondly, finding the RIGHT person to make love with is not to be rushed. His body (or her body if a daughter) is not a piece of meat, is not just a “thing”. The human body and mind and heart are precious, deserving of care and consideration. Don’t be fooled by the world’s message that it’s not a big deal. It’s a very big deal to share yourself with another person. Make sure you treat yourself as something special, not like you are from the second hand store.
Any kind of porn is not good. Those images stay with you for life. Let him know that having a phone is a privilege not a right and you need to be able to trust him. Don’t same him or make him feel guilty. It’s a great time to start talking about the decisions he makes and consequences of his actions. Just because it’s out there or others are doing it doesn’t mean he had to. Be proactive not reactive. Also if certain things get put on Facebook etc on the phone that are inappropriate, it will be a blemish on him and very embarrassing.
Maybe install some parental blocks since you probably pay his cell phone bill and are responsible for your son. Have a talk with him about all your concerns and answer any questions he may have. It’s a different world these days.
When I caught my oldest watching porn I made sure, 1. He knew the free safe sites as to not run up a huge bill or get a virus on his cell. 2. Made sure he knew a lot of that stuff is not gonna be going on in a normal bedroom. And 3 always lock your door. They are gonna check it out whether you want them to or not. Shaming him or embarrassing him will just guarantee he will never come to you about sex in the future. It is normal mom. Just make sure it dosent become a 30 times a day thing. Lol.
Time to talk to him about sex and protection unwanted pregnancies
A conversation, that leads to education and understanding on both parts. Maybe it is time for the talk. Because you dont want the internet to educate him.
This is an influential age, so maybe the lesson of respect also and maturity.
You want it to build your bond and communication with him, so he can come to you.
Would defo suggest blocks on the phone, parentallocks etc. And an awkward but educational conversation.
I’d put some sort of block on his phone so he couldn’t use it to watch anything illicit
This normal for kids this age . IN days gone by they would have been checking out magazines .
As many others have said , just have a chat with him .
It is time for the talk actually should have started about 4 years ago and it is better you than he gets the wrong information else where. Please do don’t make him feel bad for natural curiosity. Answer his questions honestly and please do not tell him sex is bad and he should wait instead tell him how important it is to have it with the right person especially the first time and that it should be safe and consensual and preferable when he is ready to assume all the consequences
Talk to him about sex and the responsibilities that go with it as well as safe sex. That’s about all you can do.
Ignore the whole thing and consider you got off lucky.
Have the talk wit him… Boys will b boys
Don’t worry, part of growing up
If you guys honestly think at 14 years old it’s time to have the talk it’s a little late for that I don’t know how many of you have been to the school’s lately and listen to the things the kids talk about other music they listen to so instead of embarrassing him maybe you should just let it go
Have the chat with him as for the phone it sounds like it was anime porn. I wouldn’t worry.
I wouldn’t punish him as he probably doesn’t think it’s wrong, especially if it’s a cartoon. Definitely talk, but porn lately is completely out there and cartoon porn isn’t going to be a very realistic guide for him. That’s a little young for fantasy stuff in my opinion. Good luck!
So he was watching hentai? I mean, if you don’t let him watch it he’s just gonna find other places to get it. I agree with others just talk to him about sex.
At that age some are already having sex. It’s hard to imagine kids growing up. When I found porn on my sons phone honestly I was relieved it was that and not pictures or talk of sex with the girl he liked. It’s normal to be curious. I didn’t take his phone away but we talked about it and how I know it’s normal and how important it is to be safe when something does happen because like it or not things can happen regardless of how we parent.
Yes, time for the talk. But perfectly normal. Don’t take his phone away, as he isn’t doing anything wrong.
When I had this talk with my sons, I made sure to tell them that the sex portrayed in pornos or anime type things is not how real life sex usually is. I think that the take away for young boys is that this is how it is supposed to be. Plus we talked about how it portrays women and to be respectful and the almighty No means no!
This EXACT SAME THING happened to me when my son was that age…he’ll be 22 in December. He was looking at cartoon porn (I didn’t know such a thing existed) and I was mortified! I told my brothers because I figured they could give me some advice; all they did was laugh and say that’s normal. But I knew I couldn’t avoid my duty as a parent. Though I was a single parent, I had to have that talk with him about sex and stuff, ask him what he understood and what he didn’t, and clarified what he didn’t. Man it was so uncomfortable, but it had to be done.
I have been raising my two grandsons for the last ten years I have always left the door of conversation open told them there was t any thing that they couldn’t talk to me about I guess it worked because when the oldest was 15 he asked me to by him a box of condoms I didn’t go into why he wanted them I just got them no questions later on I found out he filled them up with water like balloons I think he was testing me to make sure I meant what I said about no judgement about choices he was making and he has since shared to much sometimes but he’s 18 works full time job and has no kids life is good
Talk. Taking the phone is gonna make him close up and not talk. He’ll be angry about the phone and not understand your concern. Now is your time to teach/talk mama.
You should’ve had the talk a little earlier but that’s ok.
Just explain to him to keep it to himself and if he has any questions to not feel embarrassed to talk to you or a male he feels comfortable with.
Porns completely normal especially at that age
talk! You don’t want him to shut down and stop telling you anything. That will open up bigger issues in the future.
It’s time for the talk. To think our children will be abstinent until marriage is naive. I have three sons and always took the approach of rather than telling them “don’t do it” teach them about the possible consequences and how to prevent them.
In todays day and age if you are not concerned with what he is looking up on his phone and putting blocks on the phone and haven’t talked to him…I wouldn’t be surprised if he is already sexually active
Talk to him openly about facts and consequences, most people when having sex don’t think about things like teenage pregnancy and how teenage pregnancy affects the girl, she now is stuck in a responsibility that she has to face weather she wants to be or not.
They don’t think about how sex affects girl’s and boys differently.
Most teenagers aren’t ready for sex emotionally and their normally not considering sexual diseases so talk to him about these things, but also be open to listening to his questions and how he feels about things without anger or judgement.
Definitely talk to him. Taking his phone does nothing. He’s becoming a young man & the best route is to teach him its normal & its apart of growing up.
Talk to him. It’s normal. No reason to punish him for being curious.
Have the talk with him. Dont make it a big deal. He is in puberty. Confused. Be there for him
Ugh I dont do well with stuff like this lol I have two 14 yr olds…my daughter and step son. I wouldnt say anything to be honest with you. I think it’ll only embarrass him and he will then hide stuff from you. Its normal and hes hormonal. Back in the day it was playboy and cinemax and now it’s the internet lol all you can do is monitor stuff and maybe put parental restrictions on his phone but hes probably gonna find a way…im.sure he has friends so you cant control it all. Does he know you go through his phone? I mean you could maybe say hey you’re at the age where a lot of things are changing and if you ever have any questions or want to talk I won’t judge you and I’m here and maybe leave it at that. I think the last thing of 14 year old boy wants to do is talk to his mom about pornography and hormones and the last thing you would want is for him to feel you dont trust him.
Definitely discuss it. I always air on the side of not making him feel like his sexuality is a negative thing. But that he should have healthy habits and that may not be one. I am pretty open with my kids but honesty is the best policy! Curiosity and temptation is so normal. So helping to guide him is necessary.
That’s about the age you should be having some sort of talk with him anyways. I wouldn’t take his phone. Hes a teenager. That’s what they do, it’s totally normal.
It’s normal. I would just let it be. If you decide to have a talk w him I wouldn’t tel him you were going through his phone & found that because it could seriously embarrass him. A child his age should be educated on sex but I know how embarrassed I would be if my mother found mine when I was that age.
Just have a talk with him, if You shame him or punish him, in the future he won’t trust he can come to you
Keep in mind porn is not sex.
I wouldn’t take his phone all kids are curious that just makes it seem like he’s doing something wrong. I would definitely talk to him and explain the dangers of the internet & strangers & having unsafe sex etc. answer his questions to the best of your ability and let him know he can come to you in the future with any others. Maybe add some safety feature on his phone that blocks the websites you don’t want him visiting
I have gone through the same thing with my 13 year old. I just had a talk with him and told him its natural. I actually told him a certain website to use for educational questions. I also told him to clear his search history before his sister plays on his phone. Id rather he look at porn than out doing the real thing. I did have a talk with him about when that time does come. He was comfortable with the talk and now comes to me with any questions he has. Just be open and answer any thing he has to ask.
DO NOT FEAR HIM INTO NOT TALKING TO YOU.
You will regret it. Your child should be able to come to you when they start growing up and experiencing life mile stones…
Honestly, you’d be surprised at how many ppl are into anime porn.
It’s kind of normal but to the ppl that don’t know about it, it’s not normal. I myself don’t watch porn but I know enough about it.
I wouldn’t freak out. He’s hormonal, he’s starting to get curious about sex and the opposite gender and going through changes with his own body. So just sit down and have a talk with him. Don’t make it a big deal. Make sure he’s comfortable talking with you and being open about it and let him know he can ask you anything.
Or it just may be better if him and his dad had the talk instead (but dad needs to also make sure your son is comfortable too). You know, guy and guy talk, confidentiality.
Let him watch porn . ?? Don’t embarrass him
Have the talk with him because any type of porn treats women like sex objects teach him about respecting women before during and after sex
I think phones should be taken away by bedtime and given back the next day (morning).
Haha that was the 1st thing I found on my 14 year olds sons phone was Disney porn🤦♀️its normal lol
Just talk to him about it.
Maybe don’t bring it up and embarrass him,
But ‘the talk’ it definitely worth having.
Have the talk, our approach is teach them safe sex, “while we don’t want you having sex right now, I want you to know how to be safe if you do” type of thing. Don’t make him feel bad or like he can’t talk to you.
Definitely wouldn’t take the phone or even mention you saw it. I would however talk to him about safe sex, respecting his partners and “the talk” without shame or punishment.
My 14 year old watches porn. I wish he was still my sweet innocent baby. I know people will probably think I’m horrible but I just explained some porn is not ok and if he’s going to watch not to watch anything like women being forced because that’s not ok. Masterbation is normal I just try to convince myself I don’t know he’s doing it lol
Tell him how to delete his search history lol and have the talk
My son is 14 almost 15 and I’m sure he watches it and it’s totally normal just make sure he knows it’s normal and what’s safe and what isn’t
It’s completely normal. Do not shame him. Also, just because he watched porn doesn’t mean he’s going to objectify women. He’s a teenager, hormones are racing.
If you dont find porn by 14 theres something wrong
I found porn hub sex on my sons phone, straight up sleeping with a step sister type of porn! Omg be happy it’s animated lol
Yes have a talk, it may be uncomfortable, but put all the cards on the table.
If there is internet access he has already seen porn and had his sex ed. Trust me. #Motherof2Sons
I know this is a all female chat but I really think you should ask his father/ mans advice everyone of them have gone through the stage mine as well get it from the horses mouth?
Don’t confront him about it. Let it go… he’s not trying to be sexually active… that’s when you need to have the talk… I have two teenage boys and they both know if they need condoms to just let me know. I’m relaxed about it but I never corner them on it
Talk with the kid for sure. Don’t take his phone away tho. Be as open as possible
Just have “the talk”, state facts and be mature about it. Taking away the phone will be awkward for him and just teach him that he can’t be open with you about it
Don’t take it away … have the talk privately and let him know what he is going through is natural and normal but not to do it in school or in front of siblings that your ok with it and by all means if by chance he has any questions ask and when the time comes he decides he wants sex be sure to wrap it and if he needs protection not to be afraid to say hey can you help a guy out
That’s pretty normal.
Just have frequent short talks with him about porn in general & explain no one really looks or acts that way, it’s just entertainment and not to expect anything like that IRL. Also talk about respect, consent, and both partners needing to use protection when both are ready for sex. Explain what statutory rape is. Often it’s good to broach the subject while doing something else, like taking a walk, gardening, putting away groceries together, staring up at the night sky—where you aren’t looking directly at each other.
Intersperse this with advice on how to talk to girls, what females are like. For example, flowers, good; lingerie bad gift; picnics good, dinner good, movies SHE likes, good; tickets to something you like, not so much unless you know she likes it too. Jewelry usually good, rings, too fraught with dangerous expectations; chocolates good unless she’s sensitive about or trying to lose weight. Tell her when she looks good, if she doesn’t look good, don’t say so but ask her if she’s feeling OK because she looks unhappy. Etc.
Letty read the comments lmao
My son is 13 and I’m scared to find something like this. If anyone has advice or tips to deal with this stage I hope they can help you. And PM me too!
Why are you even going through his phone at all? Thats the same level of invasive as going through a diary or someone’s drawers. Id have been pissed if my parents wanted to do that because its a privacy issue. But I guess just say something if you must so you can stop snooping.
You’re gonna embarrass him… Just don’t mention the phone and have the talk with him. Thats all.
You haven’t had the talk with him yet? I would. Especially if he’s almost 15. But porn isn’t THAT big a deal. Normal when discovering girls and such
I wouldn’t call him out on it but I would wait a week or so and casually have a conversation with him about sex to make sure he isn’t learning everything from these videos online.
I’ve got 3 boys, they’re all still young but I know one day I’m gonna have 3 teenage boys beating the meat.
Fact of life, it’s natural. I’ll just have the talk with them, I’d rather them know what’s up than try to hide it from me and mess up someday.
As you already know…he’s at the age now to where he’s curious. I would check into how to talk to him about it without embarrassing him about his curiosity. It’s normal at his age. But you want him to have the right information.
Girl he’s almost 15. Better he’s at home looking at porn and doing his thing in private then out getting a girl pregnant. Have the talk about safe sex, but don’t embarrass him for doing what all guys do.