Should I Be Paid to Watch My Girlfriend's Ex's Child?


"My girlfriend was in a 3-year relationship with a woman who had a young child. After their relationship ended, she kept seeing the child because she didn't want to abandon him (the child's father is not in his life). I knew going into this relationship that this was how it was, which I'm completely fine with. I could and would never ask her to walk away from him. I go to school full-time online while my girlfriend works full-time.

The boy's mom also works full-time. When Covid hit and the schools went virtually, I was asked to watch him during the day and do school with him (he's 7 and was in 1st grade). Sure, why not? We get along fine and we were a great team (him and I), most days (he has behavioral issues and learning disabilities) while doing schooling. Some days were better than others, but overall, the school year went great. He did really well virtually (better than he ever was when doing in-person schooling) due to the one-on-one learning and that made me feel great.

I've continued to have him Monday through Thursday all summer as well while his mom works. She just asked me today if I would mind doing virtual school with him again this year (mind you... school starts September 1st here). She wants him to stay virtual because of how well he did last year, and how many milestones he was able to catch up to/hit (he and I worked really hard at this). I told her it would be fine, but my question is... should I be asking for some sort of compensation? I only question it because my sister and parents have brought it up...I feel bad asking her for money... what would you do?

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Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"It seems like you enjoy this and you could have such a positive impact on this child’s life. If it doesn’t bother you, don’t let someone else being bothered, bother you."

"Ummm how serious are you. If she’s been in his life consistently, she’s technically his parent. If you plan on having a life with her then plan on being a parent to this child also. As for the money, like I asked how serious are you? I personally wouldn’t ask for money and when I had my boyfriend's oldest with me I kept him, never asked him to pay me but we also have been together for years and have kids together…. Soo… yeah."

"Uh… First off why are you even questioning this. You knew she had a kiddo, they are a package deal. I’m sorry, but I would be mad and upset if my bf asked me for money to help me with my kid. What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone whom has a kid, if your going to ask her for money to watch a child you knew she had."

"You aren’t obligated to do anything with said child let’s make that clear …& technically if both are working & you have him every day it’s basically responsibility that you didn’t sign up for you can absolutely say NO ! & not feel bad … there’s a difference between co parenting but your doing all the work pretty much when he’s really just your girlfriends ex girlfriends kid … sorry not sorry …"

"From what it seems like you’re getting to stay home and do your schooling on your partners dime so no I wouldn’t ask. If you’re serious about this relationship you’re basically stepping into a step parent role."

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