That’s really a hard spot to be in. I would first bring it up to your gf and see how she feels and then make your choice.
On one hand I think you shouldn’t be asking for money to watch your gf child. When you enter a relationship with someone who has a kid you accept them and the kid. On the other hand I don’t know the exact circumstances around the child and your gf. Does the kid call your gf mom too? or is just that she kept in contact with the kid? Does your gf get equal time and rights to the child (even if it wasn’t covid)? Like does she help support the kid etc that a divorced parent would do? Does she consider the kid to be her child? If she just happened to keep in contact with the kid after the breakup then I would say asking for money might be ok. If the gf is “mom” in all sense of the word still then I would maybe think twice.
I can see where your mom and sister are coming from. You are working hard and giving up your time to look after the kid and help with him school. I think the mother should of at least offered you some compensation considering it is no longer necessary to keep him out of school, she just choosing to. I will say if you don’t speak up now that you are continue to be used as free labour…be that as a tutor or babysitter.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I be paid to watch my girlfriends child?
Ummm how serious are you. If she’s been in his life consistently, she’s technically his parent. If you plan on having a life with her then plan on being a parent to this child also. As for the money, like I asked how serious are you? I personally wouldn’t ask for money and when I had my boyfriends oldest with me I kept him, never asked him to pay me but we also have been together for years and have kids together…. Soo… yeah
Uh… First off why are you even questioning this. You knew she had a kiddo, they are a package deal. I’m sorry, but I would be mad and upset if my bf asked me for money to help me with my kid. What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone whom has a kid, if your going to ask her for money to watch a child you knew she had.
You aren’t obligated to do anything with said child let’s make that clear …& technically if both are working & you have him every day it’s basically responsibility that you didn’t sign up for you can absolutely say NO ! & not feel bad … there’s a difference between co parenting but your doing all the work pretty much when he’s really just your girlfriends ex girlfriends kid … sorry not sorry …
It seems like you enjoy this and you could have such a positive impact on this child’s life. If it doesn’t bother you, don’t let someone else being bothered, bother you.
Kindness of your heart thing at this point. You’re like a step parent of sorts so it’s just kind of part of the whole thing.
Nah i wouldnt ask for money. You’re not actually doing it for the mom you’re doing it for the kid. And asking for compensation from the mom feels like you’d be telling her you’re only spending time with her child because of money. There’s no reason for it.
Do for the boy, not money.
He’s lucky to have you and the bond you have obviously created together, don’t have him grow and later wonder if you only did it for the money.
From what it seems like you’re getting to stay home and do your schooling on your partners dime so no I wouldn’t ask. If you’re serious about this relationship you’re basically stepping into a step parent role.
Nope as you said you we’re aware before that the person your dating was a package deal which means if your the parent figure that is available to attend to the child then that’s what you should be doing without asking for money.
Well that’s basically family so instead of money I’d probably exchange favors. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Money feels really weird, and once you start mixing family and business it gets really messy. I really think exchanging favors is the way to go.
Your sister and dad need to not worry about your dynamic. Basically this kid is your stepchild now so do your part and do it with a good heart
It use to take a village to raise a child. We don’t have that any more. Please just do it from the kindness of your heart. I think sometimes our family see things differently.
Knowing the situation going in, I feel it’s wrong you taking money from her. It should be reward enough that he did excellent last year and if you do it this year, knowing that you helped this child learn and grow, that is a reward in itself.
I think you are probably an amazing role model for this little boy. This sounds like an amazing situation to be a part of. I personally would not ask for compensation unless it’s hindering you financially to be with him instead of working. Honestly, the mom should be offering compensation and since she’s not I wonder if she can afford it? Just my thoughts on the situation. It’s definitely a personal decision that maybe you should discuss with your girlfriend?
You’re in a serious relationship with his mother and want to be paid to basically be “step parent”? Maybe this relationship isn’t for you.
I would ask for compensation…
Sounds like your doing a great job with this child! Don’t ask for money. Do it for this child and that greatest in your heart.
You knew what you were going into when y’all got together and you yourself said you were fine with it… you’re pretty much a bonus parent to the child. I wouldn’t expect my sons bonus parents to be paid for helping care for him
She should be the one to offer you something. That would be the right thing to do.You are doing it because you want to help but it’s going to be holding you down in doing things for yourself. It’s your call. Thanks for helping him.
It’s not what anyone else thinks. It’s what you think. You do have the option to say no if you don’t want to watch him.
Hey yes I would ask for money. It’s my time getting sucked up. I get it went great an you did it in an pinch. But now she wants you to do it this year.
First of all, I LOVE the dynamic you all have. How lucky is that little guy to be surrounded by so much love and support. It’s so refreshing to hear about not 2, but 3 grown adults being mature and putting a child first.
I’m not sure asking for compensation would be a great idea. Maybe ask that she provide money for the 2 of you to have a special lunch on Fridays, or something along those lines. It may not necessarily be what you were thinking, but it’s something indulgent and kind of a reward for his hard work during the week.
It’s not you or your gfs kid, I don’t see issue with you being paid? You’re a tutor and a babysitter at this point. He’s not your step kid, it’s almost like he’s your godchild. It depends on how you feel, do you need the financial help? It’s really up to you. How you feel about it.
I think you’re amazing! I love seeing children be surrounded by love! Given the situation (not a bad one by no means) I do believe you should work out some sort of compensation. You deserve it and the child deserves you!
Don’t listen to other people do as your heart feels !!
You’re basically a stepparent to the child. My daughters bonus mom as never asked for compensation while helping watch/take care of her. I don’t feel you should. Your family is looking at it as this isn’t your gf child but he is hers and now he has a bonus parent as well in you.
Aren’t you being compensated with a roof over your head and food in your belly lights and water blessed with a good woman ? Heck no you shouldn’t be compensated! Going to school online isn’t a excuse not to have a job! Therefore help with HER child is the JOB!
Go with your heart if you love the kids and do it for nothing if you feel you needed some kind of payment has code for 50 to 75 bucks a week to feed the kids
If this is a serious relationship you are going to be this child’s step parent (whether biological or not). I worked full time and went to school online no problem so if you aren’t working and have the time I don’t think you should ask for money for being a parental figure.
Do you live together? If you live together and your gf works while you go through school full time then you are living as a couple and her responsibilities are yours, and yours are hers as long as you both choose.
If you live separately and pay bills separately then yes, she should pay you.
Do y’all live together is she paying the bills from you said you were going to school and she was the one working of that’s the case then no I wouldn’t she paying the bills because technically that would be paying in some way shape or form of it’s 50 50 on bills or y’all do not live together then yes I’d ask for something at least
No parent gets paid to watch there own kid , if you are in a relationship with the mother and plan on being in this child’s life then no I would not ask for money
Tell your family to stay in their lane and let you continue to be an asset for this young man that you’re working hard to help raise up. It takes a village to raise a child and if you never thought of asking for money before then why start now? Kudos for being someone positive for this young man.
No. You are a parent, not a babysitter.
I wouldn’t ask for any compensation. Sounds like every thing is working great so don’t make it weird
Um your his bonus parent no you shouldn’t be paid for what you signed up for you go to school full time that means you’re not working who takes care of the house? His mom right? So you’re a stay at home partner correct? Stay at home parents raise kids right that’s your partner’s child that’s yours too no parent gets paid to raise kids
So you want paid; to watch a child that was part of the “package” when you went into the relationship?! Wowowowowow. If this is the case then I’m going to start asking my SO for money every time he leaves me with my bonus boys
It sounds like you and the little boy are having a good time bonding and he is benefitting greatly from the time he has with you. You can’t put a price on that. If you plan on making this a long term relationship and this arrangement isn’t keeping you from working a paying job then I wouldn’t ask for money. Tell your family to mind their own business.
You are basically the stepparent it isn’t a paid job sorry you knew what you were walking into that part of it all free
First of all, you’re an AMAZING PERSON! So is your girlfriend for being in his life it’s honestly what you feel what you want to do, not what your family is saying you should do. If it hasn’t been a problem then all should be fine.
My daughter married a woman that had two kids. The kids were almost 1&2 when they met. They have been together for eleven years. Part of the deal is if something did happen my daughter would always get to be in their life. If you are serious about your relationship I would start thinking of that child as your child also. Honestly you must be amazing because if the mother wants you in the kids life it must mean you are doing something right. A lot of people don’t believe that in a two girl or two boy relationship the person that isn’t the Biological parent isn’t the parent at all. But I can promise you that other person loves that child just as much as the one that is. A lot of the times their love is stronger in a different way because they couldn’t see themselves physically giving birth or couldn’t do it due to their sex. I personally would tell your family that you can’t ask for money because that would be taking money to keep your own kid. I do have a feeling if you ask for money your relationship with your partner will change for good because they will see you don’t see that child as theirs and also see how you view it as babysitting instead of being another bonus mom. The money isn’t worth losing it all. Be grateful you get a child and someone that loves you, it is worth way more than money.
It’s up to you. If it’s not hindering you at all, why not? He needs the help.
If you hit a financial concern related to this, discuss it with the other two parents. Other than that, I see a lovely growing family coparenting together and building relationships.
This is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. NO, YOU DONT GET PAID FOR BEING A STEP PARENT.
I wouldn’t ask for compensation, but I surely would never ask another person to take on teaching my kid 4 days a week without offering them something. That shit last year was hard af, especially with a child (like mine) who has a learning disability.
Yep. She would pay anyone else.
Everyone is getting money for kids right now. Your doing the schooling. You should be getting atleast $100 a week.
You literally just said you knew that’s how it would be
The way I see it is your playing the role of a Step parent since your gf has stuck to being a role model in his life. I wouldn’t ask for money. If your serious about the relationship and staying that is something that would be normal. Now if you split up and was asked to baby sit and what not that would be a different story.
If your online classes are going well, you’re uncomfortable asking for money & you feel good about being such a positive force in this child’s life then your heart is in the right place. Tell your family that you appreciate their concern but you don’t feel you are being taken advantage of & that what you receive back, in appreciation, love, and contributing in that way to the household, is all the compensation you need for now. Let them know if you ever felt you were being taken advantage of you would definitely speak to your girlfriend and her ex.
Sounds like you’re a lovely person Best wishes!
Wait. He’s yours gfs ex’s son?
Honestly, I would ask for compensation. You’re providing a service and should be paid for it.
That’s up to you if this is a girlfriends child or one that she’s close too it would feel awkward to ask for anything ( at least I’d feel that way )
I don’t think asking for anything extra for him is ok. It you certainly shouldn’t be out anyway. Food you give him, school supplies, that should come from them. Not you.
This is sad! Obviously, your mom and sister don’t see your gf and her son as a FAMILY! With what I’ve seen, many parents and families milk other families for money. When Money gets Involve it becomes a business friend. It’s not HELP nor LOVE. If I were your gf, you asked for $$$, I’d be terribly disappointed as you see it as a business!
Honestly, if you two didn’t discuss you playing a parent role to her kid, then yeah, I think you should be getting paid
Idc what anyone says, just because people date, doesn’t make the non parent a babysitter automatically. Things like that should be discussed.
It would be hard and a bit devastating to ask for money at this point regardless. And you’re more or less a step parent. Do step parents or SOs get paid to babysit? Idk I’ve never had my SO before we were married babysit. I actually had them in daycare. If it’s too much for you I’d ask if mom could sign up for child care assistance and put the child in daycare. Or… if mom does quality for daycare assistance you may be able to get paid and not put mom out too much? Idk this is up to you but I feel if you ask for money now someone is going to get upset. Also it sounds like they asked you and you already agreed.
If my partner asked for money to help a child that i consider mine I would be so hurt. Do you pay any of the bills or food cause it sounds like your gf works and provides for you already…
First let me say you are awesome. If you need the money and mom can afford it then have a talk with her.
Family is family , kids need all the love they can get. Kudos to you all working together for the kid!!
You don’t work and stay home while mom works so I’d say you’re paid 🤷
I wouldn’t ask for money
If you don’t mind
Then go with it
Anyone that helps a child develop is beautiful bio baby or not
Maybe your mom and sister are being selfish they are not the ones helping you are go with what you feel you want to do
If you are giving up the opportunity to otherwise earn income, absolutely. That child is not your responsibility and you shouldn’t be taken advantage of. While you are doing it out of the kindness of your heart, she should be compensating you out of the kindness of hers.
Personally speaking… the boy is basically her son… and you having a commitment with her in a relationship… she would be your step child. Why should you be paid to help you step child
Are you contributing financially to the household as a full time student? If not I would consider it compensation.
If you think it’s a good idea, than it is. If you would like a little compensation then YES, you should be compensated. Most def. it’s appropriate and the mother should def be offering to pay you. If she isn’t, she is just getting over in the situation. I mean is your girl planning to parent the child forever? 3 yrs isn’t long enough to feel invested for life….especially if she has moved on. I would be feeling suspect about this arrangement. Idk, maybe she should be considering moving on instead of making the situation life long or super difficult to walk away from. Idk.
Your family is so very wrong.
Wow some of these comments are mind blowing.
Ummmmmmm aren’t you like the step parent?!? If that’s the case, then you should probably break up with the other parent. If you feel the need to be “compensated” they you aren’t ready to be a parent
What do YOU think and how you YOU feel about the situation?
I Have a friend who has had custody of daughter. the mom has 2 other girls from diffrent relationships. Summer time the dad and his wife watch the duffer daughters sisters so they have time together.
No, you don’t ask for compensation to watch your girlfriend’s kid. You CAN HOWEVER ask to cut down the days if him being there is too much.
Yes I’d ask for something for food or for teaching him or for watching him. It’s not your child or your girlfriend’s child.
Only if its taking away the time in which you can make money yourself. Other than that no.
For a lot of y’all it’s only blood that makes up a family huh?
For all of the comments saying because he’s not truly the girlfriends kid, they’d charge, is ridiculous. My ex husband didn’t meet my son until he was a year old, has been “dad” ever since, even after our divorce. He recently started dating. If his girlfriend was in this situation and asked me for money to help with our child, I would be APPALLED and I would lose a lot of respect for her and her position in my childrens lives. Blood doesn’t always mean family. If you have the means to do it, do it. If it is keeping you from gaining employment, say that, but yes, I think it’s wrong for you to make her pay you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I be paid to watch my girlfriends child?
Geez this one is tough… I feel like you should be compensated… but it’s a tough call
You sound like a wonderful person. Wow!
Am I the only one reading this assuming the OP is a woman?
My oh my. Can I just start off by saying what an amazing man and care taker you are? This little man sounds so lucky to have such a group of amazing/loving/caring/compassionate adults in his little life. Reading this I can tell you have so much on your shoulders. You are doing something that most wouldn’t do. I would feel super weird asking for money. This is such a hard one. Personally it should he a given that they give you some sort of compensation as you are going far above and beyond. I wish I had a better answer to this question. I just wanted to give you some props and the admiration you so deserve. You are a rockstar
You should have been paid from the beginning and I’m shocked no one brought up compensation. You’re being used as a private tutor and a babysitter, both are expensive. You’re saving the mon a ton of money and worry. It’s a huge commitment for you because you can’t relax during classes or work. I lived in campus and there was so much free time between classes. I also was a full time student (6-7 classes per semester) and I worked full time. You don’t have that option to earn money because you’re working for free. Maybe tell the mom you were hoping to work because you need $ and see where it goes from there? (Coming from someone who is not good at asking for money so I’d probably be doing it for free, too. )
I’m not sure how long you and your girlfriend have been in a relationship but I believe you need to have an honest conversation about this issue…that should not be a problem. It was awesome that you were home this past year and was able to help,however you were working on your own education too. This child can now go to school…while being able to be home works for everyone else it’s not working for you at this point. Not that you’ve minded but you need to focus on your own education. I feel you’re being taken advantage of and you’ve been put in an awkward position. Honestly no one should be upset if you say you’d rather not.
I would first talk to ur gf about it and tell her how u feel? Tell her u love helping and don’t mind but since u r in school full time as well with no job u feel the extra cash could really help u two out especially for breakfast and lunch during the week when he would be there then have ur gf talk to her ex about it.
You do what your heart tells you! Sounds like you love and care for this precious child! If you need help and she is able that’s definitely a discussion! What a trueBlessing you are for this precious boy ! I applaud you ! I’m sure he is and will be thankful for you and will tell this story when he is grown!! Amazing ! Wish they were more people in this world to give a child such a wonderful gift!
You being there for him might be just what he needed a man in his life to help guide n love him. I had a 2 year old when my husband of 32 years met me n took care of both of us. I would definitely ask her to help with food for him. I have a 6yr. Old grandson that I watch. He did virtual learning last year. It was so hard for him to pay attention for that time. But I would do it all over again.
I did have my (almost) stepdaughter for 90% of her virtual schooling of 1st grade. We have her bi-weekly normally, but mom works full-time and I am a stay at home mom with my twins and 3 other kids. It was a very difficult school year, and I wouldn’t sign up for it again without compensation, honestly.
Personally I would feel weird asking being as you have kinda sorta stepped into a step parent role but I would ask her to atleast send food and stuff being as that is a finance that would come out of your pocket
So your watching your girlfriends step child? That’s a very hard one since none of you are biologically related. I have one step child myself so I know how it feels to have them feel like your own. I feel like… I think you should get all together and talk it threw.
Being that there is the option for the child to go in class but she is asking you to keep him anyway & school him, I feel that would render some type of compensation. Over the summer is different considering you said she works full time & probably had no one else to watch him. But now knowing school is an option , I feel this is you basically working for her not just a favor anymore.
In many situations, the state pays people to do this kind of thing… the parent of the child is the one who needs to qualify for the assistance, but the state will pay the person of the parents choosing. Just a thought. BTW you are a wonderful human for stepping up and helping out like that!!! We (the world) need more people like you!!!
Absolutely would not ask for compensation.
You got into a relationship with someone who’s a parent (step… whatever it doesn’t matter, still a parent) and then you took on some responsibility for this child who you’re a parent figure for now too by the sounds of it. Sure you’re not obligated to do what you’re doing, so I’d suggest saying no before asking for compensation.
This said as the mother to a step child who I raised even after my marriage to his dad ended and when I got with my now wife she knew my stepson is just as important as the kids I birthed.
If you feel like you need compensation and she can afford it ask. If not don’t. Since it wasn’t your idea I don’t think it’s what you want. And don’t let others alter who you are and what you wanna do with their ideas
You got into a relationship with someone knowing that, essentially, they have a child; and now you’re wondering if you should be asking for compensation to be with your girlfriends child?? You should be treating that child like your own… I would never ask my boyfriend for payment to spend time with his child, regardless of the circumstances.
She should’ve been giving you money from the start.
You are not a daycare or a teacher. You are taking your time and watching this child and teaching him. Especially since this child is able to be going back to school in person. You should absolutely be compensated. this is not your child or your girlfriends biological child and you are not a free daycare.
I would ask for some sort of compensation yes.
You’re not just baby sitting. You’re essentially teaching the child. And as a mum of a special needs child it isn’t an easy task AT ALL!
Honestly that’s a private tutor position…pretty expensive to hire one. Also, you’re giving the child and parents something hard to put a price on which is a safe place to flourish and academic success plus there are special needs involved. You definitely deserve compensation.
Depending on how long you’ve been together, then you’re basically the step parent. I wouldn’t ask for money unless it’s not a long/serious relationship
Your being used as a teacher and a baby sitter I’d be asking for money