Should I be upset over my husbands lies? Am I overeacting?

So me and my husband have both settled down in our lives we have a two year old daughter and he works all day while I’m home taking care of our daughter and the home. He and my daughter are basically my life now as I don’t stay out with friends or get a break from taking care of our daughter even when he is home. He’s got this friend from work who isn’t doing so good, he drinks a lot, was abusive to his wife and lost his family recently and now lives out of a motel. My husband has been staying after work with this guy, making excuses to go out and hang out with him which didn’t bother me at first until it became a regular thing and an hour started turning into two hours and then hours would go by until he finally gets home. I caught him in a lie today about where exactly they were at and what they were doing and we got in a argument and he called up his friend! To me it was weird and he asked his friend if he was telling the truth and I said well obviously he will lie for you. When my husband asked him a question about who they were with his friend paused for a good minute as if he didn’t know what to say. And then my husband hurried up and said a persons name and then his friend went along with it right away. I told him to get out of here because I wasn’t buying it and his friend told him “ this is ridiculous just come stay with me at my motel”. Like what?! Am I wrong for being bothered by this? I don’t know what to think!
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I would feel the same! Personally I would calm down, then sit down with him and tell him that you don’t mind you hang out with him but it’s unnecessary to lie about what they’re doing. If he’s lying about it then it’s obviously something he knows you most likely wouldn’t approve of.

Yes, you do have the right to be upset. It looks like he’s hiding something. If he’s lying, he may be doing something you don’t like. Sit him down & talk to him. Ask him how it looks like from your point of view. Honesty is key in relationships. After this talk, keep your eyes open. There is something not quite right here. Good luck

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I be upset over my husbands lies? Am I overeacting?

What dingus would chose a motel over their cozy home. If he goes for something like that then he’s got problems.

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Start going out with your friends when he’s home. I would question it to sounds like he’s doing shit he’s not supposed to be doing. Maybe he has a side chick. Do more research.

Your hubby n dude may be in a sexual relationship.

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Babe I’m in the same situation, hubby has become friends with a big drinker, started to find hidden empty cans in car etc. Tells me he’s on way home which takes 45 mins 3 hours later I’m still sat home waiting. We have 6 babies, I have no life apart from mum so I can’t give u advice as I’m living it. Also lies says he’s one place but another (normally a pub) ! Was caught messaging a Anothor girl from a particular pub told him to stop chilling there but still does after telling me he’s elsewhere.

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Evidently the friend isn’t accountable for anything and if your husband is a man he will be accountable for his family and the friend needs to be a friend and hubby needs to be a hubby if not send him on to the motel too

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Something else is going on. He’s not being a fair partner to you. He needs to help you and be a part of your family and it doesn’t matter if he’s the one paying the bills. You w the only one who decides when you have had enough. Decide where to draw the line and what you want to have happen a counseling , separation divorce what do you want. Good luck.

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Wow. Sounds like hubby isn’t as “settled down” as u are. Looking for every out/excuse/reason to show out.

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100% you are not overreacting. Praying for your situation, that the truth be revealed and if the truth is not something you want to face that you don’t put blinders on. I was stuck in a marriage like that for years. I didn’t want to see what was right in front of me. God bless you doll :heart:

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I wouldn’t put up with ANY of that. 1st off, u married HIM, not his friend too. He needs not call his friend about ya alls issues. What he needs to do is sit his ass down and fix the issue with YOU. YOU’RE his wife. 2nd, it won’t kill him to help with the child he he helped make or help around the house. I stay home too while my husband works 12-15 hours a day and when he gets home, hes helping with the kids and on the weekend hes in charge of the kids, house and meals. He married a wife not a slave.
If ur husband doesn’t change his ways, then maybe playing cuddle buddy with his friend at the motel is the best place for him.

He seems to like he is missing the single life. Not an ok situation! Nip it in the bud now or there will definitely be more problems in the long run.

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He values the friendship (more?) of a wife abuser than you. Let him go stay at the motel.

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He’s Hiding Something

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The first red flag would have been that he chose to be friends with someone that was abusive to his wife :grimacing: deff not over reacting

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Yes ur husband is in the wrong tell him take his friends advice and move in with him. If he wants the friend and the party life more than a family than u deserve better

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You got every right to know shit!

Your hubby might be in a sexual relationship orrrr he might be doing something with this guy such as drugs. My ex used to be like that and would give me a hard time about coming home or being around me cause he wanted to be around the people providing him w drugs. (Or alcohol like you mentioned) they might just be getting messed up together but that can get addicting

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I feel your pain​:two_hearts::pray: I will pray for you lots of love your way

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You are right to be concerned about this. Come stay with me at my motel should have raised all kind of red flags. Pay attention. There’s more here that will come to light.

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Either they are messing with each other he has a side chick or he’s picked up the drinking habits. You just need to give him the ultimatum of its me or them and cut ties depending on what he chooses

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It’s too much to be checking up on grown ups.

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Something is going on

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To be honest it sounds like you’re husband misses not having a family and wants that life back after seeing his friend do whatever he wants (not that he hasn’t been a poor example of this)

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Let him stay at the motel with his friend then. Go make your own money and live your own life.

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Get on top of this now. I think its cool he has his space etc but at the same time your not getting yours (even if your a stay at home mum). It’s about respect and compromise - a bit if give and take. Not take, take, take. You need to have a good chat and then he needs to decide if he would rather the family life or the bottle.

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Of course he’s lying and of course you know he’s doing something he shouldn’t as a married man…because your woman intuition is telling you something. LISTEN TO IT!

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Woman’s intuition… we always know

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Why is your husband friends with a wife beater? My husband would never. Your gut is telling you something, and you better listen! Something is not right. It may not even be a big lie keep that in mind. He’s lying about something though.

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He’s cheating and you already know it but you’re in denial of course a clown like that will cover for him leave his ass

Probably smoking meth

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You need to stay hoarding money away, now! You are going to be left high and dry with nothing if you don’t. He ain’t about the married life any more. Trust me. Been there, done that.

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Somebody said Brokeback Mountain :rofl:

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You’re not wrong. I’d be concerned too. When you see drastic changes and they try acting like you’re the psycho for your concerns it’s a big red flag.

Are they in a relationship?

He must lie about a lot of things… You need to start doing things for yourself. Have him watch your child while you have time for yourself

Ew, stinky peen energy

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Tell him that motel has empty rooms if he wants to lie,he can move out.

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Your husband may possibly be gay?

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Something going on for sure. Not healthy whatever it is. You only have two choices. Put up with it or do something about it. That’s up to you.

Are you sure he’s even going to work still and not with this guy all the time?!

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Pack a bag for him leave it by the door tell him if he wants to go stay he can stay gone. Sometimes men need a wakeup call.

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And don’t argue or fight its not good for the little one. Just act like it doesn’t phase you.

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Hire a PI :woman_shrugging: or leave him.

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His buddy wrecked his relationship & now trying to wreck your’s. Sounds like your husband wants the single life like his buddy. Seems like guys lose interest in us females when we can’t go and do whatever Because we’ve gotta be responsible and be a mother. We just get left behind😒

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Be careful I did that I was marry and 3 kids I let my husband do that he never quit I work after 23 yr my kids was raise I divorced his butt sorry it took so long

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Don’t be so controlling he’s not allowed to hang out with his buddy. You act like he’s cheating on you with him. He lied about where they were at lol so what they’re dudes.

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Brokeback motel maybe save money get ducks in a row.

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Make friends. Make time for yourself. Make more of a life outside of your daughter & husband. Also, of course, you should care if there’s dishonesty in your marriage

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Bad company = bad choices

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I usuly have no issuse
With hanging out and free time in a relationship, its healthy.
But I’d ask him why he’s still friends with a cheater and abuser. It’s not controlling if his behavior is getting bad and he is lying.
I’d tell him he’s unacceptable company and makes him look bad by association. I’d ask him to not hangout with him anymore. I’d tell him to decide what’s more important your marriage or a toxic friendship that’s causing you to lie to me!
Just be prepared to stick to your boundaries and be able to call it quits if he chooses the friend.

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I’d start getting my self stable. Drinking and lies in my experience is always a huge red flag.

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Feels kinda druggish to me

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Get a private detective. Sounds extreme, I know…but still… then at least you’d know if there was anything to know. I would pretend everything is fine so he let’s his guard down and then hire a pi…then you’ll know whats up…or if nothing is up and he’s just trying to be a good friend to his buddy who is down

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If his friend was abusive to his wife…why would your husband even want to hang out with someone like that……being abusive to a woman is not cool…

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I think ur husband might have a lil funny bone…

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Sit him down when you are having a good day and talk to him. Ask him to ask his friend why his wife and kids left him? Maybe it’s because of his bad choices and ask him if his ready to be in the same situation as his friend. Staying in motels. And ask him if his friend who truly cared for him would ask him to live his wife and kid to go be lonely in a motel.

Secondly make some friends. Do things for u. It gets to much at some point and u will explored

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Okay… they are fucking for sure.

Hand that man his child and go get your nails done or take a walk. He’s a parent he should start acting like one

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I’d ask him if I should help him pack

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I would be beyond pissed and then I would tell him he’s well on his way to having the same life as his so called friend
Misery loves company

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Misery loves company and your husband is falling for his friends boohoo story. His friend ruined his life with drinking, cheating and abusing and your husband supports it. HUGE RED FLAG!!! I wouldn’t spend money on P.I., put that money away and be prepared to leave if things don’t change. I’m so sorry your husband doesn’t see the rabbit hole he is being pulled into …

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You need to put him between the wall and the sword (it’s a Portuguese expression). I would pack his things and ask him to leave. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable. It doesn’t mean your are forbidding him of seeing his friend. But it sounds like they both want to fuck around and play with girls. I wouldn’t admit that. So, in this case you actually need to he firm, otherwise you will loose your husband forever if he sees that you allow him to mistreat you.

His behavior is telling a story. Friends with a boozer, recently separated due to domestic violence…visits become more frequent and longer. Then the lying. The only thing to talk about is which of his bags to pack. Unless you consider this a healthy, fulfilling relationship. You know you deserve more.

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I dont have a problem with partners spending time with friends occasionally. We all do it when we can…but lies are unacceptable and unnecessary if your behaviour is innocent.
Pack his bag …youre better off alone than with a man you cant trust

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Your feeling are valid. I feel by what you are saying he’s doing something he shouldn’t. I don’t think it’s cheating but maybe drugs or something.

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Ask him if he wants you to rent him a couple horses and borrow a tent from someone. Send him with a lighter and some KD and call it a day

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Go get a job. Start a fresh life with no drama. Your gut is telling you something

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They may have been at a strip club and didn’t want you to know…

Maybe husband is playing both fields.

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Somethings up, time to get to bottom of that dirty barrel.

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No. Absolutely no. Be bothered. I went thru that. Divorced now. Stop it now. My husband started drinking with childhood friends. Last straw was coming home at 5am. Divorced. 11 years later. The friend is now heavy on drugs. Karma.

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Stand your ground honey! Misery loves company and your husband’s “friend” has someone to share his with. The man is in pain looking to justify his anger and bad behavior. Sounds like he wants to validate his bad behavior using your husband to do so. Unfortunately YOUR husband is allowing himself to be dragged down with him. That’s on your man!! Sounds like the two of you have some decisions to make about your marriage going forward. He needs to get his head on straight and figure out his priorities. You are at a pivotal point. There was no need to lie to you if his actions were above board. You know this. The fact that he did lie speaks volumes!! His time spent with the “friend” needs to be limited or ended. I suggest you ask him to join you in counseling to work through any issues. He seems to have developed the feeling that your relationship is lacking in some way. For your protection you need to consult an attorney to see where you stand legally. Find out the statues in your state especially concerning custody and support of your child. Not suggesting you file for divorce just suggest you arm yourself and avoid being blindsided. Good luck!

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Time for you to get a life outside of your home life, if he doesn’t like it,he should probably stay home and brainstorm ideas to spend family time out, hiking, biking??

I would tell him to pick his family first. drop the friend or else move

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I think your husband’s friend is a very bad influence. Not my kind of relationship.

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Narcissistic behavior. He just mad that you caught him

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What good supportive friend says just come live with me at my motel when a spouse is questioning him??? Sounds like trouble if you ask me!

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Umm tell him he’s going to end up in the same position as his friend if he keeps that shit up. His friend is single and already lost everything. He has no reason to be acting the same way as the friend is.

I would say he is fooling with him

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Start planning time for yourself.

I would ask him if that’s the life he wants

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Your husband is being a jerk.

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Unfortunately most people cannot be friends with people whom have developed bad habits without developing it themselves

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No your not why would you believe a man that has lost his family and gone tell your husband to come stay with him instead of saying yall should work this out the pause on the phone told the story and your husband ask a question and answer it girl don’t fall for that pay Attention there will be more slip up

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Let him move in with his friend in the motel. Lol, they might have fun for a few weeks but he’ll be begging to come home. And I wouldn’t let him back in.

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He has a girlfriend!!!

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That person is a bad influence on your husband and he needs to distance himself. He is going to lose his marriage and kid for a little fun with this new friend

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I think you already know the answer. On what planet would it be wrong to be upset by his behavior?

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Maybe doing drugs. Been in recovery for quite some time and that’s how I would act. That or there is someone else. No need to hide if you haven’t done anything wrong.

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I think you already know there is a problem here. Good luck.

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No confront him. Then you have to prepare for plan B. Just in case he does walk. Walk away. It gets worse. I am speaking from experience. Your peace of mind is important.

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Tell your husband if your family isn’t a priority then maybe he should stay at the motel with his friend from now on. If you already caught him in a lie with someone who’s willing to help him go on with it. Then you’ll have trust issues. It’s hard coming back from that. I hope everything works out for you.

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Let him stay in a crummy motel being hung over every day. See what he misses

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Sounds fishy, But why do you need to know everything, Questioning him like a child? You need to have a life outside of your home and so does he. But not a 2nd life of course. But I just don’t understand why a grown man should get questioned about who, what, when, where why.
I’m not saying him lying is okay, because he should be able to be open with you. And vice versa. If u cant trust him without giving him the 3rd degree like yes your child it’s probably best to leave him and move on.

What’s your gut telling you? Follow it… something fishy here!

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Or the friend is a boyfriend.

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It is NOT ok that he’s lying to you. Not one little bit. He’s acting like a child. And he’s clearly doing something of some sort that he doesn’t want you to know about. NOT ok.

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