If you’re questioning if you should defend him, you definitely should. He could have been selfish and left her and gone off to do whatever he wanted and not helped like the others, but he chose to be a decent person/son/brother. I worked in a few residential long term care facilities and it was always the family members who only visited a few times a year and did nothing to help their own parents that always always always had the worst attitudes and nothing but complaints about the staff and their care, while the ones who came in regularly actually did stuff to help their parents and help the staff. It’s extremely difficult providing end of life care, it takes a lot of time and energy- that’s why residential facilities have to have all shifts staffed at all times
It is long past time to speak up, no time like the present
Take up for him. He might need that in his life.
I say call them out… I damn sure would, nobody should belittle someone that is taking care of family when in reality he stepped up when where were they at…
Call em out babe, they need it and it will help your litte brother feel more supported.
Well sister the rest of the family feel guilty because they didnt help and ther taking out on your brother. Tell him he hasn’t got nothing to feel guilty about tell him to hold his head up his mother would be proud of him if she could I went through the same thing hope every thing goes good for your brother and you god bless you both
I would call all of them out they would not show face or talk to me afterwards if you need me to do it for you I will
Absolutely call them out and let your brother know that you saw all the hard work he did and sacrifices he made. I’m sorry for your loss.
No, let it go. People will think what they want and calling them out wont change it. What they say and think doesn’t matter in the long run.
Call her out but remember people grieve differently she may have feelings about herself and throwing them onto other people
Now is not the time and your father, being the matriach, should be the one to say something or at the services have people speak on how your brother gave up his life to save hers.
I would wait awhile for the family to process the grief. Then I would let the family know what your brother did for the family. I would let them know you did this before him. Let him know your proud of him.
Speak up!! I just lost my mom 2 weeks ago, I was the primary care taker and it’s a very big void in my life now that everyone returned to normal and my (and your brother’s) normal was to take care of mom so we can’t go back to it. To top it off when everyone is against you it makes you feel worse!
I am married and have a lot of support from my wonderful husband, and I still feel like shit, I can’t even think how your brother is feeling now 
Wait just a bit longer. Allow your thoughts about your brother and what he scarificed to come out later. If you can get the anger and hurt for him out of it, speak about what he gave to her day after day, month after month so she could live at home and be there til the end. Praise your brother that way. Then later a few days or weeks after the memorial service, if your siblings say anything then lay into them. Tell them how you feel and lay it all out there.
My older sister couldn’t even swallow her pride to be at my mum’s funeral. Feel like giving her a slap sometimes but you just got to let it go. Just adds more stress on your shoulders
You can say it at the funeral. Thank your brother publicly for putting his life and career on hold to take care of your mother. Tell him you can never pay him for his sacrifices. Make it part of her memorial. Then if your siblings bad mouth him, it comes off as sour grapes on their part.
let it go. you and God know. she will face karma eventually
I would totally call them all out.
Personally I would wait until everyone is gathered together and make a very loud statement making sure everyone of them could hear thanking your brother for all he has given up and done for your family. I would also make sure to praise him and thank him a lot in front of your siblings. I think it’s something important that they all need to hear. It might not change everything right away but unless your family starts vocalizing their feelings then nothing will ever change, it’s just going to get worse.
Definitely call them out. He needs to know at least one of his siblings care.
Yes call them out but wait until after the funeral. That’s absurd to make him feel like that.They should be bending over backwards with gratitude. Taking care of an ailing person is very mentally and physically exhausting.
It would get ugly if anybody put my little brother down, period.
put her on blast. he deserves it
Of course you should stand up for him
I say defend your brother. I always take care of my little brother and I defend him even if it’s from my sister. Someone needs to speak up for him especially in this time where he blames himself.
Im so sorry about ur mama i give my condolences also id let them know how u feel and support ur brother as nuch as u can he needs u
The special bond between your brother and your mother was seen by the most important one of all, God! It takes a very special child to love their mother this much to put their own life on hold. I know this because my daughter is doing it for me right now. I will treasure her forever because I have been able to stay in my home.
Now is not the time but your brother may need counseling. It is very difficult for those who have given their life to care for someone once they die. I reccomend it
A very high percentage of estate dealings have the the children who care for and about their parents at lifes end, as well as the children who cant be bothered and dont contribute anything towards parent care, astonishingly when its time to settle the estate they not only want equal shares, they want more than their share, greed and heartlessness are companions
Speak up. Your Mom would want you to.
Stand up for your brother
I’m so sorry for your loss🙏🏻
Stand up for those that don’t stand up for themselves.
Speak up!!! Defend him and thank him in the memorial in front of everyone , tell him thanks for doing everything you and your other siblings didn’t do, and for keeping her alive longer, Covid is not his fault and he should feel sad yes but not guilty.
Speak up with a clear and loud voice. Your brother should be given the respect and love for his selfless actions. May God help him as well as the rest of your family
I absolutely would say something. sounds to me your sister needs put in her place. Nothing on this earth is more important than family and your brother did a noble thing caring for your mom.
Instead of calling her out for the bad judgement of your brother. Use the funeral time to acknowledge your brothers selfless decision to be the caregiver to your mom and have your dad’s blessing on this tribute. Now people of the extended family and friends will know the truth and have no negative judgement of your brother. I also took care of both my parents but they made it known that I was their caregiver and appreciated my decision.
That isn’t easy job. Your brother is good person!
Speak up!!! My husband has a friend and same scenario. The two older sister got married and washed their hands! He must be depressed and needs professional help…
Yep, you stand up for him. And don’t get mad and yell and scream and cuss. Make them feel HORRIBLE. Lay it on thick. If you get angry and stuff that will just justify to them inside their own heads how they treated you guys. No matter what they say in return to what YOU say - don’t let them get you mad. That’s what they want. Make them feel absolutely terrible for how they have acted. If you have any emails or texts as proof I would have those to present right along with what you say. As far as airing it on social media - I would only do that if they have been public about dissing your brother and you. If they have not done that publicly, then I personally would not air this publicly. I’d want to clear my name and my brother’s name if they have been public about their opinions though.
One of greatest things in life I have done is care for my mother, yes I gave up a job and a income so what I would do it a hundred times over . He doesn’t have to answer to them , they need to answer as to where were they .
U need to call her out and tell her to get her shit together
Yep.
Put them all on blast. 
Who do they think they are?? Did they give him a break? Did they visit so he could just leave for an hour or 2? Did they do anything?
No.
Now, they’re guilty conscience is letting their mouth run stupid. Put an end to that.
Quickly and publicly.
Personally, I’d give a speech at the funeral and just unload heaps of praise on him and what he did for his mother. Then, bc I am super petty…
I’d say “Without him, we may have lost her sooner. He did what no one else could do or wanted, he put himseof on hold to keep our mother alive and keep her from being alone.” Yes I would.
My condolences for your loss. 
I was in similar shoes as your little brother… defend him! I agree with everyone saying something at the funeral… that would lift him up and put them on blast at the same time. I can also see how that wouldn’t be the time for this… just depends on how you feel about it. But if nothing else, keep your baby brother busy and talk to him. Let him know your there… from how it sounds, caring for your mom is what his life revolved around, he’s going to need help moving on and starting a life of his own.
Hell yea! go tf OFF! He WAS working. He was working as your mother’s care taker. WHO would have been there for her if he got a job? Some rent a nurse who might have abused her? tell those wenches to stfu
Yes call them out and mention how amazing your brother was for her at your mother’s funeral. If he’s suffering and might even hurt himself your siblings have no business making him feel worse especially for picking up their slack.
Taking care of your mom was more important and harder than working a secular job. .He has nothing to regret. .Tell him to hold his head up high and be proud of taking care of her. . .After all . .She gave him life.
Well yes and no. I think you are right in standing up for your brother. But the timing is wrong. Let the closure of the funeral happen before you stir the pot. There is no need to make that event far more uncomfortable than it already will be.
Wait until you lay her to rest and LET IT FLY! Rip em a new one!
Tell him you support him and will make a stand for him after the funeral. Knowing someone has his back might help him through the time until the funeral happens.
Wait until after you had the funeral for your mother, then rip then apart for treating your brother like he is worthless. Im so sorry your brother has/had to go through that. He is so lucky to have you there to support and stand up for him.
Not the time to do this
Talk to her private. Remember everyone is mourning the loss right now and losing a mom can tear the whole family apart (I know from experience). Everyone needs to uplift and support each other right now.
Edit: sorry for your loss.
Wow! Somewhat in the same situation except my dad passed on August 24 and my mom is still in the hospital, not expected to make it due to complications from covid. I ended up getting it because I was in the hospital with my dad while he had it (they let someone go in because he also had Alzheimer’s etc and being with my daddy was worth the risk to me). So with me having it and mom being hospitalized from it, we have had to hold off on the funeral… just to now find out she probably isn’t going to make it either. It’s devastating.
Anywho, I say all that to say this: It has caused a TON of drama in my family. I’m the youngest of 6. I say yes definitely confront her but be very calm and let her know that you aren’t trying to stir anything up; you just want her to realize he has done so much and deserves some respect. I’d also let her know how concerned you are for his well-being and remind her that this is a time that you all need to be there for eachother… especially him if he is the one who has spent the most time with her caring for her.
I say if you think any of them may cause a scene at the funeral or during that time you all are together and be mean to your brother, I’d go ahead and bring it up. Especially because it may help your brother if they reach out to him in person and let them know they appreciate everything he did and love him. If you don’t think they will cause drama or aren’t sure, I’d wait til after… also, who am I to really give advice about that when my family is still going at it😩 Just my little opinion. Prayers, hugs, good vibes, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!
So very sorry for your loss and how very selfless of your brother to take of your mother. Definitely wait until after your mother is laid to rest. If by some chance your older siblings mention it again before the funeral then I wouldn’t hold back. Reassure your brother you’ve got his back and praise him for the dedication he gave to take care of her. If you have an opportunity to speak at the funeral I’d also be praising him up then in front of everybody so hopefully it sinks in to your other siblings.
First off thank you for standing up for your brother. It’s awesome to see siblings having each other’s back. I was the youngest of 4 by 10 or more years. I was spoiled and got more one on one time with my parents then my siblings. However in my late teens I started to become the care taker for both of them. I got a car from them that was used to take them to doctor appts all over the city. Groceries meds and plenty of other trips back and forth every day. I lost both of them at a young age. And I still battle depression over it. Still feel like I should have done a better job. And my siblings still remind me how spoiled I was and that’s why I was the one who had to take care of them. It sucks now as I’m going thru a divorce only get my kids on the weekends and have no close family. So it’s awesome that you recognize the struggles your brother went thru as a care taker. He’s lucky to have you. And the only advice regarding your sister is if there’s a way to keep you all together as family then go that route. And if there’s not then continue to stand behind your brother.
He needs praising most kids these days throw them in nursing homes and go on with their life call them out show lil bro lots of love he did good… she cared for yalk when u needed and u 2 steped up when she needed
Honestly you can call her out all day long but the question is if she didn’t help while your mom was sick is she gonna care that you are upset about her actions. From experience everytime I addressed an issue I became the problem so some things are better just left alone for your peace.
Yes so many time the child who stays home and cares for a parent is considered a free loader when they have allowed the others. To work and have what they do
You should definitely call them out and tell them exactly like it is…they probably won’t listen but it is what it is
Hi! My family is in the same delema sort of! You have every right to call your siblings out and stick up for your brother! He did what they wouldn’t!!
Call them out and take up for your brother. I had the same thing happened to me. Make sure the world knows what he did and what a great job he did
Yes call them out on it the sooner the better make the feel like shit
Snatch them baldheaded. Verbally eviscerate them.
Every family has problems. Stand your ground.
I’m the black sheep of my family. My step-grandfather died - the only person I cared about - and I didn’t find out until my little sister asked if I was “going to the funeral”. An HOUR before it was set to happen.
I just happened to be in town for a job, I lived out of state. That job was construction related so the only clothes I had were for “getting dirty”, a nice pair of black jeans, a decent gray t-shirt, and my black leather jacket. Guess what I wore to the funeral?
They all wanted to titter and whisper behind thier hands in little groups and side eye me.
When they were brave enough to make eye contacted I stared them dead in the eye and I’m sure my body language was “say something. I dare you”.
I was pissed not one of them thought to let me know my favorite person was no longer with us. I was pissed they felt the right to “look down on me” because of my attire. I was pissed nobody thought to tell me about his failing health situation prior to death when I could have contributed something or at least spent some time with him.
Point being…if you feel that strongly about the situation; act on it how you feel is appropriate.
Yepppp call her ass out ….but wait till mama is buried…then let her have it but do it privately
Definitely call her out. There will never be a good time to do it but it really needs to be done. She could have easily stepped up and didn’t, don’t bash the one that did step up.
I would have had something when they first started talking about him. I would have shut it down then. I would have told them to go take care of her and he can get a job if it was an issue for them. Taking care of a parent is very hard and overwhelming. I cared for my father and it was just me doing it. It was very hard work. If you choose to say something now I’d just wait till after the funeral, but you definitely need to let your brother know what he did caring for your mom was the hardest job ever and helped her live longer. I lost my dad in Jan to covid and i was his care taker and I struggle with a lot. Im sure your brother will have a lot of emotions and the last thing he needs is to feel like he is worthless for caring for his mom.
Call her out. Defend your brother.
My condolences on the loss of your mom. I would wait until after the funeral… then unload!! God bless your brother for putting aside his life to care for your ailing mother 
Leave well enough a lone unless you want your whole family split up.
Your brother knows he took care of your mom and so do other.
Do not cause trouble in your family now that your mom is gone.
Too many families this happens to and they never get together or speak to each other again.
I would speak to your brother and thank him for all he did for your mom. It will mean more coming from you.
Just breathe and let your sister be the way she is.
Good luck to you.
Being a care giver is a long hard job.
Stick up for your brother. Even against your other siblings. Your brother had a job the whole time, a job they were either too busy or just didn’t care to do. He just didn’t get monetary compensation for his job.
There is a time and a place for everything. I have been a Caregiver many times and no one understands what one goes thru until they have done it themselves. I agree that you need to call them out on it but maybe wait for a different time. Everyone is hurt right now and emotions are high and things will be said that no one can take back and you would not want that for your Mom’s funeral and neither would she.
Rip them a new one. Open their blind eyes.
I would absolutely call them out if it was me. Maybe after the funeral, but I definitely wouldn’t let this continue to slide.
I WOULD HAVE SHUT HER DOWN the first time I heard anything said!! DON’T LET HER THINK IT WAS ALL HER WHEN IT WAS ONLY HIM DURING ROUGH TIMES!! ( been there done that!!) IT ONLY GETS WORSE! before you know it, all the credit is given to the one who did the least! Just made like to look like he/ she did the most! THE REALITY IS THEY MESSED MOM’S DREAMS AND LAST WISHES UP!!!
Defend him when anyone says anything. Don’t bring it up on your own, but if they do, don’t let them get away with saying that stuff
Wouldn’t get involved
Sorry for your loss. Have you thought about maybe a speech thanking your brother for his selflessness in taking care of your mom for x amount of years. Maybe a little more subtle way to make them aware of all he has done. Then if that doesn’t work say something directly to them.
I would stick up for him but I would wait until you all sit down and have a mature discussion about it. No need to “call them out” just tell it like it is politely and tell them they need to respect all his hard work. Plain as can be…
Condolences on the loss of your Mom. Stand up for your brother. Mom would probably want that also. Definitely not till after she is laid to rest. Also stand by his side at her service as I sure as it sounds they will not. Prayers for all and that family can come back together.
You’re brother did what he thought was best for his mom HR deserves to be praised for doing what the others couldn’t be bothered with he loved his mom enough to stay an take care of her so tell the others to deal with it or shut up
Yes, absolutely call her out! The rumors/gossip she is probably spreading about your brother need to be shut down asap. Next time you hear her say anything against your brother, speak up! I agree with another comment too of including acknowledging your brother’s sacrifices in your speech at her funeral.
Good job to your brother he’s a good son! What would your mother want you to do?mmmmmmm I am a mom with grown boys,not sick but just think how she would want it handled!! Good luck RIP to your momma
Fuck yes you call them all out. EVERY. SINGLE. TOXIC ONE OF THEM! YES! Because he did what was right. Period. While they went and had their own lives. And now they are bashing him. FUCK. THAT. NOISE. AND then IT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE HIM END HIS OWN LIFE OVER THEIR JUDGEMENT WHICH IS NONE OF THEIR FUXKING BUSINESS. HELL NO YOU TAKE UP FOR HIM. Your mom would never, ever want him to take his life for hers, and then it be his own families fault by their BULLSHIT! YOU TAKE UP FOR YOUR BROTHER.
I’d get up and speak at her funeral don’t call them out but say everything you just said about your little brother thank him for taking care of her all these years and for extending her life say it in front of all of them, assuming they all go to funeral maybe then they will have a change of heart and follow your lead and thank him too, if not, let it all out AFTER the funeral is over and done with lol thats what I would do but no matter what, make sure your brother knows just how appreciated he is, not just by your mom, but by you. be there for him like he was for your mom.
Condolences. I agree with most comments on here. You need to stick up for your brother. I am too the youngest and took care of my mom while my sister moved on and built her life and family. Here I am 10 years later still taking care of my family (dad, nieces, nephew) and putting my life on hold to care for others. I praise you for caring for your mom. Being a caregiver to an ill parent is definitely rough. Prayers during this difficult time and may your mom rest in peace
You can tell him how great he did, and how much you appreciate it without bringing others into it
Stand up for your brother
Watch your brother he is sick and hurting and blaming himself i agree stand fir her and him at funeral dont point them out instead point what he did and how much it meant to her your dad and most of all you and praise him for giving up his life for caring for mom its time for us yo say thank you and get back to living your life most of all i love and thank you for being there when i wasnt
Funny cause of a woman did this she would be praised but because it was a man he’s being judges. Pathetic sexist shit
You and your brother sound amazing! I’m so sorry for your loss. Good luck getting the older siblings to come off their proverbial high horse and understand the sacrifice your brother made. Speaking from the 1st born view point. We don’t mean to be ass holes but sometimes it takes us longer to understand these things.
Stand up for him he did a great thing. He was there for your mother when your siblings weren’t!! I’m sure your mother’s heart was full having him there.
Yes most definitely maybe it would make your brother feel better
Sorry 4 the loss wait until she’s atleast in the ground. Something really needs 2 be said though. U need 2 have him go 2 counseling. Burying a parent is hard enough caring 4 that parent 24 /7 is even harder. He needs guidance b4 u lose another family member. Tell the others 2 shove it after the funeral. U never know he might be the next multi millionaire. If they couldn’t be bothered 2 help that’s on them and it sounds like they are taking their grief and resentment out on him but he’s not their personal punching bag and a person can only take so much before they break
I’d pour out my love on my brother and dad at this time when he needs it. Let him know how much you luv and appreciate him. Address the sister after the funeral
I’d make a point at the funeral thanking him for all the years time he was their for your mom screw the sister and adding to her drama she’s not worth bothering she’ll blame someone besides herself Buy him something Angel pin or a butterfly symbol and tell him she’s watching over him from above
Sorry for you’ll loss. My niece stayed home with my sister. My nieces mom. She has ALS. She has passed. My niece put her own needs aside and stayed by her mother’s side. Yes and saved her a few times. She should or could become a nurse. She was that dedicated to her momma. Now what she her momma has passed…. Her husband wanted to charge her for being there in their house. He thinks my niece owes him. I don’t agree!!! My niece did what she had to do. Tell your brother and whoever else helped with his mother they are to be praised, loved, and NOT LOOKED DOWN ON!! If anyone owes someone…. It’s the ones who put their own lives on hold to take care of another human being. They in my eyes should be praised and loved and valued!!
Praise him at the funeral but also write him a nice letter letting him know how much you appreciate him being there when you couldn’t and the others wouldn’t. And that it’s ok for him to take the time to grieve before moving on to a full an happy life because mom would want that for him.
I was in exactly this boat with my mother & sibs. And I am still lost 4 years later. My motto was not to behave as badly as my sibs and not stoop to their level. Reassure your brother and be there for him. Let the other sibs go F off together in their misery. Good luck.