I am in need of some advice, so me and my daughters dad have been separated for about a year and a half already and he has chosen to not be part of her life anymore so at the time of her birth we were not married but decided that she should take his surname, but I have been thinking that since he is not there at all anymore that I should change her surname to mine. Are there any moms who have gone through this process? Is it worth it? I just feel that if his not man enough to be a father why should my child carry his surname??
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You can’t change her name without his permission.
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If he’s not on the birth certificate you can change her name but I’m not sure what it will cost.
I feel that whatever makes you the most comfortable is the right thing. I am woman stuck with a legal last name that means nothing to me. It’s my dad’s surname, but he never once wanted visit me. I just don’t have attachment to it. It’s just a name though I guess.
I would change her name
You would have to file a petition with the courts in the county you live in. If he consents to the change he can sign off on it.
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I suggest waiting.
A. Because the situation may change.
B. It’s better if it’s her decision.
C. You may meet someone later that wants to adopt her as his own (if the biological father is still not in the picture). Then you’re changing her name twice.
My daughter wanted to change her last name to my husband’s after we got married, so we did! Now he is in the process of adopting her 
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Coming from someone who was in the same situation (bio dad wasn’t in the picture) I would have loved to have had my moms maiden name instead of his.
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I think it depends on her age. My son is 10. I asked him at 8 if he wanted the same last name as me, he said no since he knew his last name and how to spell it:woman_facepalming:
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My biological dad chose not to be in my life, and I begged my mom to change my last name to hers for years.
If I had the chance, I would have 1000% changed my daughters last name to mine. Her “father” wouldn’t allow it.
I would just let it go. She might get married, and there for change her last name anyways.
I’m pretty sure you don’t need his permission to change her name. It’s not free either. You have to file a legal document stating why you feel you need to change the name.
You can’t change her name without his permission and its along process. It does cost money to do it too. Why not wait till she is older and let her figure it out
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You will pay a lot in court to do so. Here in Ohio, it’s about $500. You also have to take an ad out in the paper and run it for 30 days stating such. I’d wait unless there is some real reason other than you just don’t want her to have it anymore.
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You have to go through the courts and certain steps in order to do so. For example you have to run in ad in the local newspaper and then anyone who may take issue with it can contest it. It would be smoother if you have the Father’s consent.
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I would personally change it.
You need his permission if he’s on the birth certificate. If he’s not you can change it.
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I’ve went through the process, super easy if he doesnt show up, also say he abandoned you,
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I’d change it personally.
I would change her name as well without a doubt
I went through this and I changed my daughter’s name to mine. I’m glad I did too.
If he is not in her life I would change her last name to yours. When she starts school it’ll make things easier to share the same last name.
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If he isn’t involved I’d change it, when she’s older you can explain why you choose to change it and he can explain it to her later in life if he decides to come back into hers.
I feel that should be your child’s decision no matter what you or her dad do or feel about each other that’s not her business. Both my sons have their dad’s name and my youngest sons dad is married and so he has his step mum’s name rather than mine, as upsetting as it is, it’s my sons name not mine so unless he asks to change it it stays as it is. I feel it shows that you are not putting your emotions aside on this.
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I wish I would have changed kids
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My niece begged my sister to let her change her name to our maiden name but she wouldn’tet het. We live in a small town and her ex inlaws would have been a nightmare as soon as she turned 18 my neice did otvon her own. It’s cleay your decision but my neice was very upset about using her Father’s name.
My parents got divorced when I was six and he was out of our lives when I was 4 , he died when I was 26 and had never been in my life I remember just several times I met him.
My last name and my brother’s has always been his last name and now I am recently married and my name is Alexia Mills Sandbrink now Mills being my father’s lastname . I wouldn’t change it I’ve atleast always had that part of him with me his name and now he is no longer alive I do wish he had been more in my life ofcourse but I am personally glad my name was never changed to my mother maiden. Advice from a Woman who grew up without her dad but had and still have his name and I am glad I did have it.
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It’s not really worth it i got divorced from my kids father and he isn’t in their lives due to his new relationship. She don’t want nothing to do with my kids so he listens to her anyway she will change her name eventually when she gets married. I feel with a daughter it doesn’t matter. And i know in NY i would of needed his permission to do so. So i didn’t bother. I have a son and a daughter from my first marriage and they still have his last name .
I think it should be up to the child. I have full custody of my kids and one wants to keep their dads name and one wants my last name (my new married name) I don’t feel right having my kids have different last names so I’m leaving them alone for now but if they both decide then I’ll change it or when they are 18 they can change it for themselves
I would change it. Most likely he won’t show up for court when it’s time to do so anyway. I would also file to take his rights away for abandonment
I’m
Going through this right now, I plan to change it before school begins for her, shes 1 now
You’re correct. Change it back.
I changed my son’s last name it took about 3 months from start to finish, I did hire a lawyer so I didn’t have to do it myself and I was charged $1,500
I changed my boys last name with no problem…my oldest kept in contact with his dad and family and was glad I changed it…his family was very I dunno the word for it - but his dad is on his deathbed…it’s sad…he always says he wants to be like me
I grew up in dcf my mom was the one always taking off I had her last name I changed it to my fathers it made me happy at the time I’m older now so doesn’t phase me but as a kid it meant something (my mom is now my best friend )
My daughter is 13. She has not seen her dad since she was 2. They recently started texting occasionally a few months ago. I thought about changing her name but wanted it to be her decision. A few months ago she asked if she could. She didn’t want to lose her current last name though. We are working on getting her last name changed to mine and her current last name as a second middle name. That way she doesn’t lose the name she has grown up with. It was hard at times with different names and having questions from her and others, but I’m glad I waited so she could make the decision
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If. He. Don’t. Wanna be. In. Her. Life? What’s the dif!! It’s. Yours &. Her. Decision. If. He. Don’t. Like. It. Too. Bad
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After my divorce i changed my sons last name. You can do it yourself, you just need to file a petition with the court. They do legally have to tell the father of the name change, and he DOES have a right to fight it. But if he doesn’t fight it, you’re able to change it once the judge grants it. 
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If you are going to do it, do it now be later. She can always change it back. My children and I have never had the same last name. It mostly doesn’t matter but sometimes it would be so much easier. Plus you can’t buy things for the house with your last name on it because then theirs doesn’t fit.
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My son had my last name but he kept saying he hated it. I waited til my son was old enough to tell me what he wanted and understand the consequences. He wanted to match his siblings instead of me and I was okay with that. I had to file abandonment because even though it wasn’t his donors last name and it was mine, I was still legally changing his name. Once I did that, I filed through the court house and paid the fees. We waited ten days with a bulletin board ad and then it was approved. Another application, fees, and a couple weeks his new birth certificate came!!! NC I paid about five hundred.
If the child is little and does not know her last name yet I would change it. If the child is older and has already learned her last name I would make that choice with her. If the father has any custodial rights you will need his permission and signature. If you have custody, you just file a name change with the court, small fee involved and get a new birth certificate & SS card
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In Tennessee you would need his permission
Please let her make that decision when she is old enough to make it. Don’t force her to hate her father… Let her draw her own conclusions of him.
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Honestly that’s you’re ultimate decision. Just remember that is the name your child knows and they can always change it later if they choose. But if you feel that is what is best for you and your family then that’s the choice you got to make.
Indiana you have to have consent of both parties when filing for a name change. Check your state laws, if you can do it without him, I’d say change it.
My husband, kids and myself are changing our last name to his mom’s last name as we do not want to carry on the Rogers name because of my husband’s dad
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I left my daughter’s last name to her Dads. We split before she was 10 months old. Hes down to maybe 1 visit every 6-8 months. She is proud to have her dad’s last name. Hes lost to drugs n’ asshe gets older i will explain that truth to her. She is his daughter. Thats why she carries his last name. When shes older if she wants she canchange it. My grandma had my back on leavin her last name alone. Simply put, she is his daughter.
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I changed my sons I didn’t want him to wonder why his last name is different and his dad was zero involved
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Yes change her last name. I have a hyphenated last name and my nonexistent fathers last name is there and I hate that it’s there. My daughter has her dads last name and tbh …. I wish I put both.
If he is on the BC and has his parental rights, you will need his permission.
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My daughter got my last name her dad (sperm donor) didn’t want to know about his daughter , she nearly 4 and only seen her 2 sec when she was 6 months old. My daughter knows her full name.
I would just hyphenate her last name with both of her parents last names.
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Don’t change her name I let my husband adopt my boys now I wish I had not done it anyway when she gets married she will change it
You need to ask your daughter how she would feel about the name change
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Unfortunately you need his permission to change her last name 
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My two older boys changed their last name to my maiden name by their own choice, as their dad walked away when they were babies & never looked back. As teenagers, they wanted their last name changed to mine. Now, my youngest boys father passed away & always was a dad to him, so he will keep his dad’s last name.
I would change her last name!
No let her keep it……why go thru all that! I was 18 when I changed my last name(long story)…but this is why if your not married you should either Hyphenate or give them your last name…
Why can’t you just leave it up to her and when she gets older, let her make THAT decision.
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I don’t think that’s a choice you can just make. That has to be done through the courts with permission from both parents.
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My son had my last name and when his dad decided to be apart of his life I hyphenated and put his behind mind
I did this. Got his name changed to mine when he was 2 for the same reason. It has made it easier (except for covid trying to get his social changed has been a pain in the butt). In my state (WA) I didn’t have to get his consent because it had been over a year of no contact and I don’t receive any support from him so all I had to do was fill out the papers, pay the fee and the judge signed it no questions asked. My son is now 5 and still no contact so it’s for the best.
You could or wait and see if you get married in the future or give her the option. There is nothing wrong with it if you do have it changed though.
Youll likely need his consent to do this where he is listed on her birth certificate. I grew up with my father’s name who abandoned me as an infant and I was never happier than when I changed my name to my mother’s as an adult before I had my first child.
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If you/she are owed any type of money……do not change anything. And do not ‘lose’ track of him.
if he were to pass away……it would be very hard to have her receive death benefits.
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I’ve been in the kid’s spot. 
I didn’t want the last name of the dad that abandoned me. If he signed the birth certificate, you’ll have to do the abandonment paperwork, hope he doesn’t want a fight, then file for it. I wanted to change my name when I was a teen to my step-dad’s last name. We had a bit of a different situation, because the man on my birth certificate was not biological. In the end, I was denied by the judge, (as a minor), to change my name, and had to wait until I was 18. Which I did. It’s kind of annoying though, I have an amendment stapled to my birth certificate. I still have to write down previous names for any major paperwork, (when I married my husband, from Italy, passports, immigration, background checks). So, it’s always there even though I wanted it gone.
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Do not alter your childs identity. It is hers, not yours or his.
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It can be done but I wouldn’t do it for that reason. My children went through alot with their dad and they chose to change their last names to mine so with the divorce the judge listened to what they had to say and changed their last names but again I really wouldn’t do it for that reason. She may want his last name. Its truly something you need to ask her.
You have to go through court to do that
Depends on the state.
I think you can if he’s not on the birth certificate. My daughter father ex changed her daughter last name when she was a few months old and because he wasn’t on the birth certificate and she was still a newborn he couldn’t do anything about it. Personally I would just hyphenate it and let her make the decision when she’s old enough.
Wait till she wants to.
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If it’s done legally check with state laws. Oklahoma will only change legal name if adopted that’s what I understood, even though the sperm donor has not seen her, not paid one dime or even cked on her for 9 years,he put himself down as father on birth certificate
I was married when I had both of my children, but when we divorced he got caught up in some illegal things and went to prison. Not to mention he was abusive in every form of the way. You will need his permission or you have to put it in the local paper and advise him of the pending change/request. Mine didn’t show. I changed my children’s last name back to my maiden name at ages 16 and the 18 yr old had to herself. It also costs money. Depending on where you live this may be different.
Grow up, sounds like a revenge move, should of thought about before…leave it alone, she’s a girl, when she grows up, maybe she will get MARRIED and change it anyway… it would be different if it was a boy.
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Leave her name the way it is. At least she’ll know that the day she was born, he cared enough to give her his name. You can’t erase the fact that he’s her father. Let the future unfold and she’ll decide if she wants to keep the name.
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I won’t that’s her name weather he is there or not he is apart of her I gave my son his dads last name before we were married I dont like the hyfinated names and I myself think the child should have the dads last name at least they have something of him of they need to find him
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Correct. You can petition through the courts.
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I wish I could give some advice or a story of experience. As a person who was a child that desperately WANTED her father’s last name after I was given my great grandmothers last name (moms side) I really can’t relate. I grew up with my grandparents (fraternal) but my mom gave me her grandmas last name. Being as it was, I grew up with the mindset that kids should take their fathers last name. I did it with my children. I don’t regret it at all, BUT I understand the predicament you are in. If you really think that dad won’t try to be there then I say do what you think is good for those kids.
Depends on your countries laws and the wishes of your daughter.
I changed son’s last name to mine. 100% worth it.
This was when he was 3, before school, learning or really knowing about the importance of his name.
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It’s really not your decision anymore. Let things be.
As someone that wishes they hadn’t given in to the father and wants to change the last name, if you can do it without needing his approval and the child isnt going to be confused by the change then do it. In my situation my son has both last names, but only has his dad’s because despite discussing it when we first found out I was pregnant and his saying he didn’t want the baby having his name, he decided after I’d left him to be malicious and make me put his last name in there.
My oldest doesn’t have his fathers last name. I gave him mine for the same reasons. I didn’t want to constantly remind myself everyday when he was in school and writing his last name. Changed it and never brought or thought of again
It sounds like you should change it . He’s saying he doesn’t want to be a part of her life at all. If he’s saying he doesn’t want to be there , sounds like he’ll have no issues signing away his rights
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You need his permission unfortunately
My oldest has my last name, at the time my youngest was born the father and I where together so my youngest got his last name, after ten months he up and left and hasn’t bothered with either children since, and I’m currently in the works of changing my youngest last name to mine. If he isn’t part of their life why carry his name. I did need his permission, but after court date and court date and him not showing , and so on it wasn’t a problem to change
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Change it- the child always carry the stigma of having to explain their name is different from the parent. Why should the child carry the parents wrong choice?
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Let her make that choice. I have 2 half sisters, we share a father, all with different moms. My middle sister changed it to her moms at 14, my youngest sister kept our fathers surname and she’s 16. I’m 27 and will never carry his name, rocking my families till I die. It should always be the persons choice of whose name it is.
I think that you should wait and if you should remarry that the new partner should let the daughter carry his name (if he wants it and if he’s a good daddy). I’m sorry but I disagree with most of these comments. If the dad isn’t there for the daughter then he shouldn’t be privileged enough to have a child with his last name. He’s undeserving and a peice of shit who’s not even there to care for his flesh and blood. That’s your child and you do what you thinks best for your baby and if that means changing the last name then do it!
You’ll most likely need his concent.
If he doesn’t want to be in her life then he might agree to sign the forms but some men want it both ways so don’t count on it.
How old is your daughter? Have you discussed it with her? Maybe she has an opinion about it. I know that separations can be bitter. I also know that when fathers abdicate their relationships with their kids it’s painful for all involved. If your daughter is old enough to remember her father, you might want to leave well enough alone. When you have disagreements down the road, the absent parent tends to be glamorized and you tend to be held responsible for their absence. If you change her name, she may see that as part of the reason he left and stayed gone, even though that’s not the case. On the other hand, if she’s a little older, 10 or 11 or so, you could ask her straight out if she wants to take your last name since her dad isn’t around. If not, drop it.
This happened to my daughter except she was married. She divorced him and he didn’t want anything to do with his son. She asked him to give up his rights and he agreed. She changed his last name to hers. If he gives up his rights to the child she can change child’s name.
I think if she’s really young, change it. If she’s 10+ leave it be.
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My mom remarried when I was a kid and not having the same last name as her made me sad. My dad was in the picture, but I always lived with my mom and was always kind of sad that her new family all had the same last name. If he isn’t in her life, I would definitely change it!
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I changed my sons last name to mine for the SAME REASON…. But his dad isn’t on the birth certificate so I didn’t have to ask.
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I would look into it and change it.
If he has not legally given up his rights, he has to give “permission” to changer her name legally (at least that’s how it is here in MD) I would contact your local children court and ask them the process.
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