Been with my boyfriend for 12 years now. He had me get on his fb the other day to find a group he wanted to join. When I clicked on his search bar it popped up with at least 4 different women he had searched for. I ignored it but made sure to go back to his search bar so he had to have known what i seen. Should I confront him on looking these women up? I hate being the sneaky girlfriend and look thru his phone. If he says no should I ask to see his messenger to see if they’ve been conversating? I’m all in my head and that’s all I can really think about. He’s become even more distant than what we’ve already been. I tried showing him extra affection yesterday and got half ass back. I just don’t wanna stay somewhere I’m obviously not wanted.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I confront my boyfriend about him searching up girls on facebook?
I’d have left already being I refuse to be someone’s girlfriend for 12yrs:woozy_face:
I mean did he date them are they local or someone he has history with? I sometimes look up people I went to school with or ill look up my friends men if they ask it doesn’t mean he’s a cheater.
If it is bothering you, you need to have a conversation with him. If thats something your not ok with you need to set that boundary.
Me personally I would be incredibly hurt by that. And my partner knows this. So if I was to find that on his phone we would have problems.
Be an adult and let it go. What is it going to prove? Maybe they are friends from school? My husband and I NEVER went through each others belongings and no relationship is going to work if you are going to be like that.
Just ask. I have a few people I’ve searched for different reasons. If he gets defensive then it’s a red flag but he may have a legitimate answer for you
Does your search bar have no men in it?
No. We’ve all searched old loves to see if they are fat and bald…let it go.
I wouldn’t be a gf for 12 years. Also, just ask him about it. Women need to stop assuming someone is cheating. Men are allowed to have friends that are girls just as much as women are allowed to have friends that are boys. What if they are his coworkers? What if he wants to catch up with old friends from school? Instead of being a dictator, ask him about it. But don’t be that girl that says “YoU cAnT bE fRiEnDs WiTh OtHeR gIrLs”.
Talk to him about it app u can do even if it hard
I’m willing to bet you have dudes in your search history that he doesn’t know about.
Dating for 12 years
He handed you his phone to do something on it. If he was cheating on you you wouldn’t have even touched it. Come on now.
Depends on if they’re local girls he might be trying to hookup with, exes, or fan pages?
So you don’t look up any guys? None? Coworker? Neighbor? Friend from school?
If it bothers you that bad, just ask him. Just because he searches for someone on social media, doesn’t mean he’s slinging his goober around town.
If you have to ask yourself it’s because you already know and you’re looking for validation in what you already know. I personally wouldn’t be a girlfriend to someone for 12 years and when I show affection get on in return. Weird tho if he was that he’d ask you to search something on his phone for him. Or it was his way of showing you without telling you. Best thing to do is confront it see what he says and go from there. Don’t drowned yourself in questions and doubts you’ll drive yourself insane.
Seems obvious he wasn’t concerned about what u saw on his fb?
Ask him. You’ll know once he or how he answers you.
But I think you already know the answer.
I’d ask. But the being distant all of a sudden is a red flag for me. Someone else has his attention.
If you feel you need to have a conversation, have one. You can’t expect one day of extra affection to be the solve all of problems.
Have you never looked people up from your past? People you went to school with? New co workers? People you hear on the news?
If you are uncomfortable with it, then yes bring it up.
I would just ask him in a calm way and tell him you’ve been thinking about it. Watch his reactions and don’t get upset. You can judge by how he reacts if it’s was a malicious intention or not.
Male point of view I search up a lot of shit on Facebook my girlfriend has access to it not once has asked me anything it’s called trust in a relationship if you wanna know just ask and have an adult conversation if he gets defensive over it you know it’s a red flag…
Being a male myself I’ve looked up old girlfriends and old school mates to see if they’re fat or ugly￼￼
12 years of being his girlfriend and nothing more? I’d confront him about that lol
I am stuck at boyfriend for 12 years. What is the goal of the two of you dating in the first place? He probably does not see you as his future wife.
Definitely confront him, but most of the time (from personal experience) they will lie anyway. Go with your gut!!! It’s never wrong
Depends on why he’s searching them. I’d definitely have a conversation with him about it. But I am extremely nosey and will see a friend of mine tag someone in something, I’ll go search that person lol. It’s a bad habit
Why are you still with him. The first time he looked up another woman, you should have been gone. Why do women stay with men like this .
Better question is would he confront you about it, may be innocent but I would ask, and if he isn’t cheating os he looking to
In my opinion if I can not trust a person I am not with said person. I do a pretty hard line on this one.
Run don’t walk! And it seemed like within the 12 years you would have known what he’s like
I have searched up guys I used to like in high school because I was curious. We are all humans and we get curious. I think if he were hiding something from you he would have never handed you his phone your feelings are valid but just talk to him about it
Naw dont say nothing…just let him keep mistreating you…duh!!!
Wat u need to do is boil him sum hot water
The comments about them being together for so long and not married.
Marriage is not a requirement of love. It’s 2022. Read the room.
I use Facebook to look up people for no other reason then to be nosey all the time.
I’m gonna say this once, leaving his search bar open for him to figure out you know…he’s not going to figure it out. You need to confront him without lollygagging around the actual problem. If you don’t like his answer, you can figure out where to go from there
Demand to look. What would he say if you did this?
12 years and he still has not committed to marriage! You don’t trust him! Move on girl, life is to short!
12 Years and you’re not comfortable talking to him about what you have seen ?.. You should just address it if it’s bothering you .
I’m not sure why so many people thing you man should not be allowed to look people up or have friends or talk to other people. You’re not his mama he is grown as long as he is being respectful it’s fine. If it bothers you be truthful and sit down like an adult and tell him when he had you do that you noticed it and you wanted to have a conversation about it. 12 years you should be able to tell if he is lying or hiding some information. Good luck!
Some guys for get to delete what they are doing behind your back. I had an ex that would cheat he was good at covering up and deleting messages until one day he slipped up. I would ask him about reading his messages I would just do because he may delete them. Then again if he’s distant and not showing you love call him out on it once a for all. Maybe it’s time to move on from each other. Don’t forget to check the achieved messages thru forget about those some save there as well.
Sounds like he’s staying with you until he finds the right one
I literally will look people I don’t know up because I see someone post a status about them and I’m nosey af Id say if it’s really bothering you, you can ask him about it, let me be clear on the ASK not confront, just so you can get some peace of mind. But honestly, I wouldn’t worry about something like that at all.
you just need to ask. honestly we aren’t mind readers. just be honest hey I went on Facebook to look at whatever I seen these names pop up. it’s simple now how he reacts will determine everything you have unanswered
I look up everyone that pops up in police raids or true crime stuff. My hubby would go nuts for nothing lol
Maybe he knew them or got request and searched them up
Girl idgaf if I’m being “nosey” or “non trusting” I rather be nosey than out here wasting my time and looking stupid, mama ain’t raise a fool
Talk to him that’s what I do when I see a girl idk
I’d be more concerned why your still his Gf after 12 years.People coming in left & right stating “they didn’t get married because of money”
GTFO…if that’s what you want to keep telling yourself to make yourself happy daily then power to ya,but the real reason is because your man doesn’t want to make you a wife.
Doesnt mean he is slinging his schlong in these girls. Maybe its old friends, maybe just curious, maybe just being nosey. Ever just looked something/someone up just wondering. If he was hiding something he probably wouldnt have let you touch his phone. But if its bothering you that much just be an adult and ask him about it, DONT ACCUSE… just ask.
Nope, just run for the hills
I look up old school mates maybe he’s been looking up old friends. Were there men’s names as well?
Just leave… if you don’t trust him just leave…leave leave leave…seriously!!!
You weren’t snooping, he asked you to look something up.
Yes you should confront him about it and let him know that you will be respected or you will be missed.
Don’t get emotional or throw a fit, discuss your boundaries and either move forward or split.
Be sure your closet doesn’t have it’s own skeletons, nothing worse than a hypocrite.
Single people can date whomever they want, so you break up.
Open relationship, both sides know they aren’t exclusive
You make sure boundaries are defined and both sides knows they are to be respected. No point in being a dishonest cheater when he could just be single.
Cheating (this is a form of cheating) is a cowards way, you can let him know I said that.
You seem insecure and he seems unsure
Something definitely up id talk with him
I’m surprised by some of the comments. Me and my fiancé have been together for 15 years, have 2 kids together, have a house together and 2 dogs. We live the married life without the piece of paper and we are both perfectly happy. Don’t let people make you feel bad for being together for 12 years and not married! To answer your question, I wouldn’t be too upset about it but would probably like an explanation. I would talk to him and tell him you saw it the other day when you helped him find a group and you were confused about it. It could be completely innocent! I’m my own worst enemy so I understand all the made up scenarios in your head lol. I’m sure you will feel so much better once you voice your concern to him. Good luck!
I think if he is asking you to get on his Facebook he is not worried about what you will see so my guess is it was innocent. I look up people for all kinds of reasons not cuz I’m trying to cheat is just talk with him about it
12 year boyfriend?? You are just his girlfriend at the end of the day dont worry about his search bar he is simply searching for his wife
Girl ignore them emotion’s don’t look for anything that’s going to make you cry . Keep it pushing just know the lane you stand in
First of all seeing that and not knowing the reason behind it is going to make your mind go places like “he’s become distant” has he really or is that just where your mind went because you don’t have the answers? It obviously bothers you so yes ask him about it and then trust his answer. If you don’t trust his answer and feel like you wil need to dig deeper to find the truth then you already have your answer
Depends. I work at a hair salon and if you looked at my search history for looking up people when I hear the tea, it would look suspicious too. But there is trust in my marriage so I would never assume anything different from my husband either
Id confront him…no one deserves that shit
Could be totally innocent. Maybe he was looking up old highschool friends or old babysitters. Just talk to him with out accusing him.
Why are you still the girlfriend after 12 years would be my first question? Second where they girls he’s friends with
In a calm moment, tell him in general terms how you feel about use of social media within a relationship “I think it is ridiculous when people are in LTR and still looking up and dm’ng other ppl to flirt etc” . Lean back and observe what he does with that information. If he continues, lay down a clear boundary. If he either gaslights/deflects or continues the behavior or both, he is showing you how he feels.
Ask him without it being negative. I know it’s hard but you have to pretty much trick him into telling you… act cool about all of it he’ll be more likely to talk… if he Immediately gets on the offensive then he may have a problem. People who don’t lie don’t get offended when asked questions. People who do lie get very offended when you ask questions￼.
Honestly I search up random people too sometimes, not because I’m interested in them, but because I’m nosy. I hear the name or see the name on a mutual friend and get curious who they are. could just be something totally innocent. But if you don’t trust him or you’re concerned then you should just talk to him about it.
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12 years and only his girlfriend? That’s the biggest red flag right there
I would ask about it. Maybe the 4 women he searched are friends or family he lost touch with & trying to reunite. Or another explanation.
Who makes these questions up?
It’s better to talk about it, holding it in is going to eat you up. Ask about it in a non accusitory tone, let him know that it’s not something that makes you very comfortable, and go from there. Express why it bothers you, ask yourself the same.
I get it, I really do… I have some issues myself, due to past problems in the relationship so the trust isn’t “back to normal” just yet. Things take time, and we’ll 12 years is a long time to be with someone and then all of a sudden find these things out I am sure is tough, emotionally. You’re left feeling like “Where do I stand in this, is he bored of me after all of this time, am I not enough anymore?”
In the end, we’re all human beings if you’re not happy with those things, and he finds it to be completely okay and again you’re not comfortable, it doesn’t mean you should dumb yourself down to make another person happy. Just because someone has different views, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong in your own. It isn’t something you fancy, and that’s alright too. Just try not to stick around to potentially get hurt over things you’re not exactly okay with.
Ask him why he searched them… If he were hiding it he would have deleted it or made sure you didn’t go on his phone.
I wouldn’t be too bothered by it. Probably just people he used to know in school or something like that. If it bothers you that much ask him🤷🏻♀️
If u do things like that it will drive u insane. I do searches all the time and im not cheating
I mean…I look up people I went to school with and we all search our friends.
Could it be something like that?
I think it is time for a real conversation, keep it calm and on point. If he has lost his feelings for you, I understand how you would want out. Talk with him. If you both want to keep your relationship, if you still love each other, perhaps you could suggest couples counseling. I wish you both well.
I’d feel ridiculous calling someone my boyfriend after 12 years
How about being an adult and having a conversation? “Hey, who’s Susan? I saw her name on the search bar when I looked up that thing for you the other day”.
That’s what Facebook is for, looking up friends and people we lost touch with over the years. High school friends, distant relatives, etc.
Between high school, college and a huge family, if I got upset over every person my husband looked up, I’d need a strait jacket
I wouldn’t. I mean I search people up all the time. Especially people from news outlets or something from drama in a comment section lol I’m nosey and curious. Maybe he just seen something and searched it.
Girlfriend for 12 years would be my first question. I think you should talk about it All and bring up what is bothering you.
Wat a shit feeling for you hunn:woman_facepalming:t3: ask him straight out if he’s still happy with you or is the relationship expired and gone beyond saving what you’d have left:sparkles: just remember hunn,know ur worth:heart:
If my bf did this shit I confront him right away. I don’t wait. Never be that weak gf
After 12 years of your not a wife by now move on!
If you have to “check” on your partner; they ain’t the one sis.
R you crazy if that’s love hate me awhile. He’s trying to send you a message. I’ve been in a similar situation longgg years ago. I’m old now but wise about this. So you need to move on bc old habits never go away unless you want to live knowing your seconds. I learned so much that I might want to seriously hurt them if I ever was young again. Guess I would be in jail. I hope your a person that will listen before you end up cripple or worse. Yeah, I th oil ought they would see I loved them & change. Not going to happen!! Do you like to live this way every day for the rest of your life? Or would you for sure know that you are truly loved like truly loved. Girl, get on kick that dead beat to the curb. You can do bad on your own!! You need to listen from a someone that knows!!! Love is blind sometimes & seems like you both got your priorities mixed up. He is breaking you & you know it so move on & give it to God bc he knows all about it. He may not be on time but he will when you least expect it
Good luck Sweetheart! Ga Gal near ATL
if he was doing something on his facebook he would not be asking you to look up anything on it. how are you sneaky when he told you to do it? i’m so confused
you can do way better. lose him.
Amber Lynn but playing house wife is…to add cherry on top come on social media make yourself look like booboo the fool asking questions like “should I confront him for looking up other women”
Just simply walk away peacefully He Is Searching up looking at other women. That’s on him . The man that is meant for you won’t do that. I had dated 2 different gentleman n they didn’t do that . There are all sorts of Amazing Genuine Gentleman out there . Yes genuine. Be peaceful. There are men AND women who actually only want one person to love n do life with!! There is !!
Hard to look past the 12 year thing !
12 ! He is stringing you along and looking for a back up. Run !
I would have asked right at that moment
12 years?!? Bye little boy
Ok I may have a different opinion but… maybe the women are friends or co-workers or someone from the past. I look up old friends pages to see how they are or what they have been up to. I don’t talk to or message them. Doesn’t mean I’m cheating because I’m curious about someone’s profile. I’d sit down and talk to him about it. But if he told you to go on there he is not hiding anything.
12 years as a girlfriend is what got me.
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Yeah he’s definitely up to jo good and probably already deleted everything now you can go to setting and go to activity log and see what’s left or go to messenger and archived messages but if he’s already checked and removed that it’s a pain I would also go to app and see what’s downloads that’s how you find hidden apps