QUESTION:
"I need some opinions. So I’ve been separated from my husband for almost two years. I’ve been working on myself lately and going to therapy & one thing I decided to do was talk to my ex and apologize for what I did wrong in the marriage.
As soon as I did, he broke down crying, saying he didn’t want any of this. He’s still hurting from everything, and he married me so we could be a family, how he doesn’t like our son growing up in two different homes.
He then told me that he had a girlfriend, which I never knew about until this conversation; the conversation ended there because he had to go to work, and he wants to talk more about it later.
My friend thinks that it sounds like he wants to work things out, and I shouldn’t continue this conversation because he’s got a girlfriend and he already crossed some lines saying what he did while having a one. What do you all think?"
RELATED QUESTION: I Feel Guilty When I Go Out with My Ex and Our Kid: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“You did what you wanted, apologize for what you did wrong in the marriage. Was that all your intentions were. If so, keep working on yourself and making you a priority. But if there is still a flame, hear him out…”
“My husband and I were separated and both in ‘rebound’ relationships when he was killed in a motorcycle accident. We were trying so hard to work through our problems but we ran out of time. I guess my point is, if you’re even taking the two seconds to let the possibility of fighting for your marriage go through your head, do whatever it takes to at least give it that fighting chance. Marriage counseling. Anything.”
“It depends; I know several people who have gotten back together. He’d have to really show he could be a decent husband, but if you still love him and he loves you, take a breath and go to couples therapy together a few times to see if it’s worth working on.”
" I don’t think he crossed a line. Are you guys officially divorced??
I think some people meet at the wrong time and place and with growth and maturity people can make it work you guys obviously have a child together. I truly don’t see the harm in maybe dating. I definitely don’t recommend dropping your guard and moving back in. I feel like you’re posting this on here because you have some feelings towards him that are not resolved. I feel like if you were completely over him you wouldn’t even be considering getting back with him. You sound like a friend of mine that is absolutely in love with her husband and needed some time to work on herself before her marriage could work. A marriage is between a husband and wife keep your friends and your family out of your marriage is the most important key."
“Two years is a really long time to be separated. Honestly, I give you both credit for being honest to one another (you for apologizing and him for telling you about his GF). It is 100% worth the conversation. Marriages are so easy to throw away these days. Hear him out. I’m sure you both miss and love the best version of each other. Everyone evolves to a degree.”
“If there are still feelings for him, hear him out. Otherwise, you probably already said what you needed to.”
“Every situation and every person is different. Sometimes it takes a separation for 2 people to see their marriage for what it is, to make changes, and adjust. You do what’s in your heart and don’t listen to anyone else on the matter.”
“You have a son. It’s worth continuing the conversation whether it’s to get back together or get closure. Don’t stop communicating. It will be healthy to continue the conversation.”
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