My husband and I have been married for six years. We are pretty happy and have amazing kids together.His family has never accepted our marrige and His mother and sisters hate me and have left letters, voicemails and told us they wished we were dead, posted about jumping me “jokingly” and a lot more…We haven’t let them have more than breif visits with our kids and we stopped because of the threats from her and many other family members. My question is should I consider allowing them around now that there’s been family related health issues and more loss recently… I’m constantly torn because they have no respect for me and are cruel to me and I don’t trust them but I’m also tired of being told I’m a villan for not tolerating their abuse and keeping my kids away from them when people are sick and have limited time left.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I continue to keep my kids from my husbands family?
No, telling your kids to maintain relationships with toxic family members is not teaching them anything good.
No way should they go neartoxic people
No. You should not let your kids around those people.
No, they treat you like that I wouldn’t believe they would treat your kids much better
Hell no they can’t respect their momma they don’t get access to them period
nope…better safe than sorry…
toxic people don’t deserve to be near you or your children…
If they’re going to be abusive toward your kids or abusive towards you in your kids’ presence, then no. There’s nothing to be gained from that.
You don’t need to expose your kids to their bad behavior and hatred of you. Can’t imagine it would do any good to expose the in-laws to your kids.
Nope! 
if they can’t respect you…I wouldn’t even trust them around your kids!!! Keep doing what your doing! It isn’t your fault!! In the end… they are to blame. Narcissistic minds at its finest!
I thought you were gonna ask how to get a restriction order.
They sound unstable, I’d stay away from them as much as possible. That keeps the peace.
The right thing doesn’t always feel good. Always trust your gut instinct. Keep the kids away.
Being physically I’ll still doesn’t trump cruel mental abuse. Nope.
Nope! Your feelings are valid and those are your babies! No one has rights to them especially if they lack respect for you as an individual! If they speak ill of you away from you how do you think they will speak and act in front of your babies??? They should not be subjected to such nonsense should it not be mandatory 
continue to keep your sanity and peace with you and yours!!
Happy thoughts and sorry for the loss!!
Live with no regrets. They can’t accept or respect you, hell no they can’t be trusted to the ones you have brought into this world. Double HELL NO!!!
If I had the same treatment from my in-laws they wouldn’t hear from me nor have any privilege to see MY children. If they don’t have any respect or have threatened you and it’s something they continuously do then sorry but their loss. I wouldn’t even give them the light of day.
No way I wouldn’t that’s so wrong
yup. It sounds like there are still tons of disrespect and toxic ish going on. Keep them sweet babies away from that.
Absolutely not. Protect the kids first above everything else. Extremely damaging for your kids to see these people mistreat you.i wouldn’t worry about it. They hate you that much they don’t care for your kids either. Keep them away from those toxic people
Absolutely not, do not teach your kids that it’s ok to tolerate/be in toxic relationships. Sounds like they display very narcissistic behavior with all that gaslighting! If they treat you like that how would they treat your kids? And you don’t want them brainwashing your children either.
Keep them away. You don’t owe them anything.
Why are they treating you this way? People don’t just wake up and start sending threats and viscous messages and letters. Something has caused it. I can understand maybe one person being insane, but an entire family against you? Sounds suspicious.
Keep the toxic relations away from your children. If they wish that on you what would they do alone with children who are half yours? That’s scary.
They are toxic. I wouldn’t worry about it. If your husband and you agree, that’s all that matters. Hell with the other opinions.
No way. And your husband should stand up for you n tell all to suck it. Life is too short for you to be abused.
If there is an illness your husband needs to arrange private visitation. If there is a death go with your husband and kids if you wish.
Nobody has the right to judge and be an asset to you. Let them be miserable by themselves.
Hell no. Do not let such young children around such hate filled people.
Stay away, have your peace
I’m in the same boat and my answer is no. Don’t allow your kids near these toxic people. My in laws have shown their true colours in the last few months since I’m pregnant with their first grandson. I won’t be allowing them near him. Full stop.
They can’t respect you then no they would not be around my kids.
What would they do if the role were reversed? Probably, sadly possibly celebrate your demise. Keep the babies safe, mom. Time always reveals the truth. The children will understand one day.
Wouldn’t no one ever be around my children and they dislike me How can u trust them ?
Absolutely a HUGE
NO !!! Family or not those people are toxic and no way any child or adult should absorb that
I’ve been in your shoes…… constantly forgiving vile behaviour without any apologies. I also had the problem of them smoking in their house and around my kids, and while you can’t dictate what they do in their house, we limited going.
I have now actually cut them off.
Nooooooo!!! Never EVERRR leave your kids with people who talk that way about YOU 
PLEASE DONT people like that are dangerous 
Sounds to me like it’s full of toxicity so heck no, keep the kiddos away!!! My question is what is the hubby doing to handle this?? If he’s blowing it off, then you might look into another husband. If he isn’t defending you with all this, then he doesn’t deserve you either!!!
You are NOT a villain! Just because they are blood related to your husband does not that you ever have to tolerate not being respected. You DESERVE respect!
THAT’S A BIG FAT NO! If they don’t like you, they don’t like your kids!
Oh my!! Keep them away from your children!
Nope. No contact. NTA at all for keeping them away. Just because they are related doesn’t always mean they should have contact.
No. Don’t be guilted and don’t teach your children that this is acceptable.
No. Why allow them around others who clearly Disrespect you. And if they’ve never accepted you, they don’t acknowledge you. Why allow your kids around people who don’t even acknowledge you.
Are they decent with the kids? Maybe have your husband take them to see his relatives if they won’t be around much longer, but if they’re going to badmouth you in the kids’ presence hubs & children either need to not go or leave as soon as they say something unsavory. You don’t need to see them at all if they’re going to be jerks to you. I’m so sorry. Clearly they weren’t raised right.
No! They are so toxic. I wouldn’t let them near my kids either!!
No. They don’t deserve to see them. Death bed or not. Should have been better people.
What does your husband have to say about this? Has the behavior stopped or is it ongoing?
No. Death is sad and horrible, but it doesn’t erase things, or change someone from an arse to a person you would want around your kids
Nope! You don’t treat me decently, you’re not going to treat my kids right either.
I would keep my kids away from that toxicity no matter what.
Definitely don’t. You’re not the villain
Nope, continue to keep your kids and yourself away from them. If your husband wants to see his family that’s fine, but don’t go with him and don’t let the kids go with him
Ma’am. Stop. Do not let your children around those people. Wtf how is this even a question??? But im sure we are all wondering… Why are they so against the marriage? More specifically, why are they so against you? I’m sure some people are just vile… But for the most part, there is a reason for sh*t. What did you do?
Nope. Toxic is toxic…
Nope I don’t get along with my daughters husband but I am cordial and do not threaten anyone. It is called being an adult for the sake of the kids.
No. Your families safety is number one.
We really need to normalize cutting off toxic family members without backlash! It’s not a healthy nor safe environment for your children to be in and of course people are going to be mad but regardless of if they are in good or bad health, you have to do what’s best for you and your children!
You’re not wrong! If the family doesn’t respect you Or the relationship there’s no reason they should see a product of said relationship. If ur husband loves u and sees the abuse he wouldn’t and shouldn’t allow them to see ur kids either.
Absolutely not!!! You and your kids are worth more than that.
First off, they are abusing you. What makes you think they won’t do the same to those babies. And second off, even if they are good to the kids, why bring them into an emotionally charged situation already just to experience loss of someone they don’t even know. That would twist my emotions something fierce and I’m a grown up. Just don’t do it. Bad situation all the way around. You protect them with everything you have. Just my opinion.
No. Are they the type of folks you want your kids around? Trust your gut instincts.
We shut toxic people out of our lives. Family or not 
If they are as bad as you say, why would you expose you children to them. I think a restraining order is a better idea.
In my culture, the health issues are probably from them making death threats to you. When you wish something that evil on someone, even “jokingly”, it comes back to their family.
I would stay away and tell them straight out, “why would I be around people who wished I was dead”.
Plus, even afterwards, it’s just going to escalate their hate because of all the emotions. You never know what they’ll do to you and your children. Life is short, you shouldn’t be worrying about that awful family. Should be making memories with your own.
Nope. Hold your boundaries. It is unhealthy for your kids to see how you are treated as well. I would not subject them to that.
Absolutely don’t let you kids near then. Seems like your man is okay with it.
I’d be cordial with them solely to get family medical history so if my children need information I’d have it provided. Other than that I wouldn’t let my children around people like that especially family because that’s not something to normally joke about.
Stay clear of all that…
No…they abuse u and they will abuse your children…
Nope. Don’t tolerate the BS.
I’d let the police see the threats if they are in a form you can show them–just in case.
No …
First of all u have proof of death threats ! !
I’d keep my kids away from anyone like that .If they behave like that with adults who would even think to have a child near them …
Id put a peace bond on them …in a second ! ! !
For the safety of of ur kids …people like that should be in jail …
You just know trouble is going to happen!!! Block ur phone as well , camera outside of ur home …before something happens “”“”“”
#1 protect your kids.
Wow this one is tuff but talk to your husband what’s best for the both of and please believe god never gives use more than we can handle I shall pray you find your path with this mess good luck have faith
Why would you jeopardize your children’s mental health? Being around that type of behavior is abuse. Your mental health is at stake too. Do you think just cutting them off completely would be better for all of you???
I would never allow that with the threats that have been made. Not ever!
Don’t feel bad for setting proper boundaries. Sounds like they need to be in place.
They made their houses when coherent let them live with the consequences when they are dying.
What’s toxic for you is toxic to your children. Stand your ground.
Nope. I think you are in the right. My “mother” tried contacting me when she didn’t know what was wrong with her and supposedly thought she was going to die and I told her that she made her bed and now she can lie in it. She hasn’t seen my son since he was 2 and he’s now 7. She hasn’t seen me either and I plan to keep it that way. I don’t care how many health issues and loss there is. If you can’t respect me and my family, you don’t belong in my life. I’m not sacrificing my mental health and comfort to make you happy. I think you are more than doing the right thing. You do do you though mama!
No they are toxic, they will likely be toxic and abusive toward your kids as well
I don’t give a crap about anyones feelings, compared to my child’s safety and emotional well-being.
Period.
Ummmm…… is this even a real question?
If they disrespect you how do you think they will treat your kids?
Nah, my family purposely tries to ruin my marriage or ruin my spouse. I have maybe less than a year and both my parents will likely be gone. And I refuse to allow my kids to spend anymore time with toxic people. Especially when they pick which grandchild to love and not love. Family or not my kids and husband come before my parents,siblings etc.
You don’t want your kids to learn that behaviour
This thread makes me happy. Ive seen similar threads and the majority vote to allow a relationship because its family.
I and my kids have been nc with my bil and his family for 4 years, my mil for 2 and my fil for 1. Wish we had cut them all off 4 years ago. My husband is low contact due to his daughter living there but we have agreed our son shouldnt be around them and i refuse to have them around my older kids with the way they have been treated.
Not sure how any changes or loss in the family would make you think you may want people abusing you and your children. I mean my mum is toxic. If she got sick I still wouldn’t let her near my kids . Sorry her health isn’t even a spec as important as my kids physical and mental well-being. I’m not taking my family to go sleep in the toxic bed she made for herself.
HELL NO. That is toxic, unstable and will end up falling onto your children as well. Family or not, is the negativity they bring worth risking not only your safety and mental health but more importantly your children’s? Don’t let them mentally and emotionally manipulate you into thinking otherwise. A mothers gut and instinct always knows best !!
Absolutely freaking not. If they won’t respect you now that won’t change just cause your kids are there.
That’s toxic. Would let them around a person that’s not “family” doing the same awful behavior?? Just because it’s blood, doesn’t mean you over look toxic!!
No. Protecting your kids from abusive people is always the right thing to do.
No if they threaten you I wouldn’t let kids neer them. They sound unbalanced to me. I hope you called authorities on them that’s awful.
If anyone is a villain it’s them
NO - you are not wrong - I wouldn’t let them on my property. What does your husband think about this?? Is he supportive of you? If not, send him back to his momma.
No. They will poison their minds and turn them against you. Stay away. I would also report their behavior just in case something does happen and they try to take them or as you say jump you. I can’t imagine doing this to someone my child has chosen to love for the rest of their lives. They chose their path. To never see them again. Stay away. Also have family meeting about them so the kids know to stay away as well in case they show up at their school to see them. Seriously report them to the police dept. Maybe a restraining order.
Blood does not obligate you to keep garbage in your life. Your children deserve better
Whoever says anything…tell them unfortunately I am the baggage that comes with your son/brother and in order to meet our kids you will have to accept the baggage he has taken vows with for life
Nope your not wrong 
that toxicity out completely
No way. I wouldn’t allow my kids around that!
I wouldn’t let them see them personally my mother is a narcissist and in a home I walked away 2 mths ago my mother in law hates me because my husband moved to Canada from Australia when we visited Australia she came at me publicly screaming that my mental health makes my hubby have no life. Toxic toxic toxic
I wouldn’t! My mom’s family is very toxic. They always got something to say about me but never TO me!!! I have 3 boys,18, 4 and 7mos. I do not allow my kids around them ever. My kids don’t need to be around a-holes who talk down on their mom. Nor do they bother to check on me or my kids. I may not be perfect but NEITHER ARE THEY!! This my own experience. Blood or not I’m NOT tolerating disrespect!!! And neither should you girl.
And what does husband say? Does he want his kids to learn that too?