Should I cut my mother out of my life?

My relationship with my mother is not so great. It hasn't been since I was a child but there's been times we have been great friends. She has a lot of mental health issues that she refuses to get help for. I have kept my distance from her for the last 6 months because we had gotten into an argument and she decided to tell her whole side of the family that I was on heroin, which I don't do any drugs not do I smoke weed, and a bunch of other bs that wasn't true as to turn them against me. She's like this with everyone she doesn't have her way with. I have also kept my distance from them too since they decided to believe her. Anyways, part of our argument at that time was about how she talked to my 3 year old son who is autistic and is nonverbal. He is literally the sweetest little boy on the planet. She said some hateful things to him like, "you're not autistic, you just don't want to listen to anyone!" The tone of her voice had me boiling mad and I defended him immediately. So now, I am hearing that she is calling him a "f***ing retard" anytime she talks about him or the subject of him comes up. I'm literally heartbroken about this and can't understand how anyone especially a grandparent could say that about my sweet little boy. I am at the point I don't want myself or any of my children around my own mother ever again. Am I wrong to feel this way? I guess I needed to vent and maybe some words of encouragement.
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Just because she’s your mum doesn’t mean you have to have her in your life. You wouldn’t let a friend bad mouth your child and still be friends with them so don’t treat your mum any different. When it comes to being parents the most important thing is being a happy contented parent for your child and if you don’t feel like that right now because of your mother then cut her out. Just be prepared for more of her bullshit stories about you to the family because you’ve cut her out but ignore them and rise above it. Xx

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I cut my mother out of my life?

Love from a distance.

There is no way I would put my child autistic or not in that type of environment,
Family is to support not ruin you

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That is so sad but no you’re not wrong at all. Just because she’s blood doesn’t mean you need to subject yourself & your child to her toxicity. I’m so sorry.

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I would still love her because she’s your mother but would probably move away from her and not talk to her. Cut communication off.

Life is too short bye bye

Cut her off. I really doubt you’ll ever regret it.

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Yeah, I’d literally never speak to her or anyone who defends her(& actions) ever again. You can say whatever about me, one thing you will not do is speak to my children like that. Especially a my special needs child. She’s pathetic.

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As hard as it might be close that chapter and move forward.

Your first priority is your child so if your mum could potentially hurt him emotionally, make him or you feel less than enough, whether it is intentional or not, you may have to cut her off or supervise her contact closely. I’d try to talk to her first, tell her your worries, see if she will be reasonable. If your mum can’t see that her behaviour is damaging and hurtful, you do what you need to do.

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She would be cut out of mine—-permanently

Best advise someone gave me is
Just because they were given to you as family doesn’t mean they love you or you have to love them.
You choose your family who choose you - this can be blood related family , friends , partner and children :heart:
Unconditional love is everything from the right people.

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Wow do we have the same mother? Mine back in April told my daughter I lied about her father abusing me. Not only was this the first time she even thought she had a dad (I was waiting to talk to her when she was older or asked) but now it’s something negative! I cut her off that day and ever since then she has spread lies about me, broke and sold my and my daughters stuff. It’s disgusting. But you have to remember you do not need that negativity in your life and you are better off without her in it. As for your child you think they need a relationship but they don’t! No one that can’t respect you should be trusted with your kid I learned that the hard way.

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Only you can decide what is truly best for you and your littles. Be true to yourself

I cut mine out when I was 16. She’s never met my kids for the exact reasons. She’s insane and ran her mouth about me and my fiance. Telling the same stories because things weren’t going her way. My life is so peaceful since I cut her entirely out

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Read the book “boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud. You need to be a good steward for your children because they r a gift that God send you. Having your mom calling him really offensive names is so wrong n u need to set up boundaries. I’m Mexican n it is tradition that if I tell my mom or any if my sisters anything that is a secret the whole neighborhood will know by next day. When I was in high school I was taught in one of my classes that my mom shall also be my friend n j shall be able to trust her n tell her anything, but every time I’ll tell her something n will ask her not to tell anyone, everyone would know in a week, so after trying to trusts her for months I learn not to tell her anything that I would not want the whole neighborhood to know. Please praubfor your mom from far away n be bold in your boundaries.

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Yes, protect your kids from her verbal abuse. It’s your job. You don’t deserve it either. It needs to be up to her to make amends.

Nope nope nope! My son is also developmentally delayed and my mother in law called him a fucking retard and she didn’t care to have him in her life!!! So she won’t, that was the last time she saw him!!! That was 2years ago! She has a granddaughter she will never meet!! She was also a very toxic person in our lives. We have been so much happier and less stressed without her in it. Your son deserves love and understanding please get her far away from him! He deserves so much better! If you need someone to talk to I’m here for you. Lots of love to your little man.

Wow I’m so sorry to hear this. If it was me I wouldn’t have her anywhere near my kids or myself. It’s easier said than done especially cause she is your Mom but she is extremely toxic for you and especially your son

No you’re not wrong she sounds toxic and if my mother, who j also barely speak to, ever spoke to my kid that way she’d be cut out too

First of all, fk your mother. I’d never speak to her again!

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Cut them ties for good mama.
You’ll all live a healthier life for it.

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Sooooo not the same scenario but my father was calling certain people N words and my children and husband are bi racial (he wouldn’t say it to our faces but he was caught in the act multiple times)
But it caused a big thing and I refused to defend him because I know he does it- I’ve heard it- and I will teach my kids that if someone doesn’t give you respect you don’t need to give them anything
This was last year (and blew up more thanksgiving when we announced our 2nd pregnancy) haven’t said more then 4 words to the man since because duck that

Cut the bish our of your and your sweet little boys life. Toxic people do not belong in either of your lives.
In the long run you both will be happier and mentally safe.

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Cut toxic people out of your life. Doesn’t matter if they are family.

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Cut her out of your life. She is toxic and will only cause more harm if you keep trying to have a relationship that she obviously wants no part of. You and your son deserve better. I wish you luck!!

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I think this is an issue for a lot of people with there parents. If you feel like your parent should be cut off from your life than I dont think you should even second guess it until they make it up to you. I am in the same situation where my mother is also extremely disrespectful and crazy and I decided i dont want her around my child at all so i stopped talking to her. Its been over a year and it sucks but I know I am making the right decision for my family. I do love my mother but its not worth it to keep her toxicity and negative mindset around my child. Remember it is your child and YOU dictate who should be around your child as they grow up.

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Yikes :flushed: not healthy. You are not wrong in your feelings. Space sounds necessary and you don’t need to explain yourself.

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You mom sounds like my mom shes on my block list and staying there… Toxic is toxic she wants that relationship with you shell work toward it mental health is manageable your doing what’s best for u n your family move on

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My mom punched me in the face while on meth once. Got in my face etc. but in the end she still loves me and apologizes. I’m sure she doesn’t mean it. Mental health or addiction whatever it may be can really make people do things without thinking how it affects you. Life is too short. But it’s up to you if you wanna cut her off. Do what you feel is right for you!!!

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I cut my mother out of my life, and my ex mother in law. And let me tell you, life is pretty good. It hurts cuz my kids don’t understand why they can’t see their grandma’s. But I know in the long run, it’s better for everyone’s mental health.

Cut her off. Toxic is toxic, family or not. You don’t deserve it, & neither do your children.

I can’t even imagine, I’m sorry it must be so painful. Just keep protecting your child.

Prayers Up! :raised_hands:t4::pray:t4::raised_hands:t4:
That said…If you won’t cut her off for yourself, fine. If you won’t cut her off for your son, you are a horrible parent and an even WORSE primary advocate for HIM.
Point Blank! PERIODT! :face_with_monocle: :love_you_gesture:t4::bear:

Run don’t walk she will do more harm to your children

No you’re not wrong. Protect your babies, always. She’s not acting like a mother or grandmother should.

That made my blood boil at the statement of calling him a "f****** r*****!
She is toxic and let her stew in her own hatred. You deserve better and so does your son.
My mother crossed a line with me when he was almost two and I shut it down quick. I’m like you in the sense of a parent having mental health issues, but she took everything out on my sister and me when we were younger. We have since made nice, but she’s always on thin ice. She will not do to my son what she did to me.

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:thinking:Sounds like she’s seeing a parent in you ,she wishes she always was.
Seeing their own,mirror image reflection staring back at them in their legend of a mind confuses them.
She’s a narcissist,I’m sure you’ve fiqured that out for yourself by now.
You know what you need to do.

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I understand where you’re coming from, that’s how my mother has always been, make me wonder do we have the same mom… And after 36 years of the horrible mental abuse during an especially hard time in my family’s life (my 44 yo brother had a massive heart attack) and her just being an ass to everyone and trying to push everyone away from him, and making everyone not wanting anything to do with her. I cut her out of my life. There comes the time when you have to realize you’re worth more than that, you deserve better than that, and especially with your kids, you don’t want them to go through the abuse you went through and that’s when you cut them out. My mother tried to put her hands on me in the hospital the day I flew there to be with my brother who we didn’t know if he was going to make it or not, and in front of my sil older brother and 3 of her grandkids. She did it to herself to make all of them not want anything to do with her and did the same and my kids don’t want anything to do with her as well… For your child it’s going to cause more harm and effect him in a long lasting way… So for his safety and growth cut her out and shower him with love… My head is spinning with what she called him, and she can’t call herself a grandma and treat him that way… Both of you deserve way better… I’ll be praying for you guys… Think of your son and make the right decision…

Don’t just cut her off, totally delete this woman out of your life forever!

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Wow just wow no I would never talk to her again that’s unforgivable whether mental illness or not no excuse for it

Would you allow anyone else to talk about your child that way and still allow them to be in your child’s life? If not, then yes cut her out!

CUT HER OFF. That little boy doesn’t need that type of negativity especially from grandma! I am a mother of an autistic nonverbal son myself and I am blessed with family on both sides that love him inside and out.

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So sorry you’ve going through this. It’s not easy. She never took the time to understand your character. She sounds selfish. You needed her to be a loving parent and instead got a stranger that’s not on your side. It’s not fair nor healthy, nor right. I’m so sorry you have to feel this way.
It’s typically the case that when a parent is unfamiliar with being treated with the love or especially comprehensive attention that she/he needs to give, that the foundation to do that gentleness is not possible having not seen how it plays out. So, you need to be your own parent for her, and do all you can to temporarily give space to the situation whether physically in proximity from her or that and/or mentally adjusting your attention from that toxicity towards your raising your child and keeping your mental health cared for.
The books whether in audio form or read, of, “Running on Empty” and “Running on Empty No More” touches on these scenarios you’ve described above. It’s about parental alienation. Where parents sometimes fall short on how best to care for their kids, leading the kids to take on similarities and therefore live out less happier lives that don’t truly reflect their real personas. Although childhood memories are good or bad, in the end once adults, their upbringing makes it difficult for grown adults to respect themselves better. These books touch on how to unparent the bad stuff and reparent with true validation of what you’re worth. Which is a whole lot. The sequel “…No More” makes sense of how to repair relationships with care, if at all possible, while teaching how to make certain your kids feel the ways best that prepare them to be healthy and completely understandable especially to themselves. It’s all about learning how to help them and you pay attention to feelings and understanding each other’s truest thoughts, versus reprimanding and reacting thus ignoring the very person needing help. We can’t all always communicate what we need, and that’s where parents can help us learn and develop that skill, by allowing us to speak our thoughts through special types of questions. These books will change your life. In a smart, healthy, and positive way.

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Cut. Her. Off. You deserve better and so does your baby. :heart:

Cut all narcissists out of your life! Blood or not!

don’t make yourself vulnerable and let her make you a victim to her abuse if she refuses to heal her trauma. People like that don’t change and never see how they’re wrong, & they love the drama it creates. Life is way more peaceful when you cut that out of your life, or at least keep yourself distant from her.

No say bye bye … unhealthy for you and your son

Wtf hells no. Family or not peace out✌️

You are not wrong in any way. That’s not how a parent or grandparent should act. Sorry you are dealing with this.

You need to do what is in yours and your child’s best interest. Personality I think your mother sounds toxic and I would cut her off. I know it’s hard, I’ve personally had to walk away from my parents a number of times for toxic behaviour, it works out best in the end x

Remove her from your life but find it in your heart to forgive her for your peace of mind. Forgiveness DOES NOT EQUAL reconnection. Cut her out and love her from a distance.

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Sound like to me you don’t need her I you ride and neither dose your son. Your better off with out her in your life.

You cant change people, however you and your son deserve so much more. Autism is a diagnosis, not a limitation! Never forget that mama. However Fu([< her. You need a mom call me, your son needs a grandmother, Grammys here buddy. Keep that toxicity away from both of you!

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Toxic is toxic. I cut my own mother out of my life because she was toxic and has a load of mental health issues and doesn’t want to get help/or think she needs help and she’s said some horrible stuff to me. Sometimes just because someone is family, doesn’t mean they are not toxic. :scissors:

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No I would not! not! tolerate that crap!!! If I were you I wouldn’t. From experience of not haven’t a good relationship with my mom and cutting her off was a great thing to do No drama Nothing and am living a happy life without a toxic Mother or Father.

Family can be toxic. Keep your distance.

No your not wrong for wanting to cut her out of your life. I cut my mother out of my life best thing I ever did cause she viewed me as competition for a man’s attention.

You definitely are NOT wrong in any way, shape or form!! That’s YOUR Baby and He NEEDS his Mamas protection. YES. You are absolutely making the right decision for you and your Son as well. You got this Mama :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Nope you are so right…let me tell you I took my kids from my husband mom because she treated my kids different then the other grandkids and she was not well at my house and my daughter was a bed wetter and she would make her lay down and put a diaper on her in front of everybody nope at my kids.and your kid don’t need her and the bull shit she is doing you tell her she can’t see you or your family till she gets help and she stops being a mean old lady and she can’t call you …and mean it …stand up to her … keep you little boy happy…I wish you luck and the best and stay strong…

Definitely NOT wrong on cutting ANYONE outta your life that has anything negative to say about kids! I’ve got 3 nephews who are Autistic & I’d be going to jail if someone said ANYTHING negative about them & their awesomeness!

Not wrong at all!!! Be your child’s voice! Stick up for yourself and your baby! “Family” “blood” is NO reason to keep someone in your life. Toxic is toxic. Neither of you deserve that. That shatters my heart just reading this. The fact that a grandparent can talk about their own grand child like that. And the fact a mother can go around spreading lies like that about their own child. Just walk away. It sucks, trust me I know from experience…but you guys will be so much better off without that.

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Umm yeah cut her off completely and if she starts harassing you then get a restraining order against her. You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody either on y u cut her outta your life neither.

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Anyone who would talk about their own child let alone an innocent child like that is not going to stop!! She can kick rocks. Toxic is toxic, period. Don’t matter if you blood or not. I’m sorry

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By the sounds of it you should have cut her off ages ago.

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Until your mother acknowledges and accepts the fact that she herself has mental issues it would be best to stay away no matter how bad it hurts. It sounds as if you would love more than anything for her to get help but until she does she will just continue down her own path of destruction and take whoever is in her way with her. Your defense of your loving child is how it should be at all times even if going up against your own family - give to him all that wonderful love you have and in your words you have a lot - flourish your children with it and walk away from anymore negativity of your mom and other family who choose not to open their eyes to her issues and continue to enable her actions. You think of yourself and your children you are doing a great job - if we stay around negativity and hear it to much we all will tend to start believing it so walk away and enjoy the love of your beautiful kids. God Bless you all.

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Your kids come before anyone. Cut her out of your life.

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:scissors: :scissors: :scissors:

No you’re not wrong. I am sorry that you even have to question if you’re in the wrong.

Please protect your baby and yourself and cut your mom out of your life. At least until she gets counseling? Idk. I’m not sure I could ever come back from that comment made about my child.

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Get her outta there, you and your kid/s are better off without her.

Drop her bless his heart he don’t deserve that at all

I would cut my mother out of my life if she ever talked ugly about my child or spread false rumors about me. I’m behind you 100%!!!

Not wrong at all. Cut her out for good.

Not if shes like that . Think i would too. Not all mums are wonderful sadly . If you cant talk or reson with her think i would just stay away as heartbreaking as that is…

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You are so right with the decision you have made.

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not wrong at all. you don’t deserve that and neither does your son. you are his advocate and his voice. you got this!

Nope. Block, delete and pretend she doesn’t exsit

Absolutely not wrong at all…
Some grandparents dont Deserve the TITLE to be call a Grandparent by the things they say in front of there own grandchildren …
U have every RIGHT not to want ur kids around her…
If she cannot live good an speak properly around her grandchildren then she dont deserve to see them…U are protecting ur kids Sanity an ur Sanity for u an ur kids own well being .

Why would anyone believe her if she’s a known druggie with a history as hers? If they choose to listen to her. Then cut them all off from your kids. You are their protection.

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As a grandma of an autistic child i would never even think of those words. Stand your ground bc you are his voice. Im sorry but this really makes me mad. Love n hugs to you and your son

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Same boat here and I had no choice but to cut my mother out. It’s hard cuz that’s ur only mama but sometimes we gotta do what’s best for us and our family.

Definitely need to cut her off sounds like u would be better without her​:heart::heart::heart:

Cut her off…any1 spoke to my sons like that wouldn’t have been able to walk away!!!
She sounds like an awful person and someone like that,with such a negative energy… u don’t need around your son! X

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Some people, whether they are grandparents or not are just cold hearted/ not great people. 🤷 It’s seems you and your child would be better without her.

Walk away from her. My grandson is like your child and he’s the most happiest full on child. There’s no way I would call him those nasty names

Let me tell u I had to cut out my mon she was the same but just talking about my husband when my husband would help her in her yeard she would say he us in something (mind this her yard is big/he was cutting the grass) and just in general when he would just jot say nothing bad about her, but when me and my mom were alone she would tell me things and I would defend him and she would get mad anyway I cut her off like two times and I told her the third time will be for good and she didn’t believe me and I haven’t talked to her for three to 4 years…
I say yes especially if its ur son oh girl I would of done it from the second she called him the R word

My situation is very similar with my mother . She hasn’t seen my son in 9 years he is almost 11.

Cut that old bat out for good…she’ sounds like a hateful spiteful bitch. And if she ever messed up abd say that in ear shot rock her world…

I would be furious too

If she doesn’t get help then you keep you and your babies away from her. Do your karakia and just remember you have to do what is right for you and your kids🙏 be strong. God bless.xx

How could a grandmother say something like that to her grandchild she ought to be ashamed of herself I don’t think I could ever talk to her again for that

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Its okay to cut people out of your life that are part of your family if they have wronged you, especially in this way. The relationships you’ve made with whom you’ve grown close to over the years can be stronger than the bonds you are born into. Do what is right for you and your child(ren). Even if it means cutting out your mother and others. If people ask why, tell them the truth. There is no shame in wanting what is best for you and your child(ren).

Please message me! It sounds like we are in the exact same boat! I’m also at the point of wanting to cut my mom off so maybe we could help give each other the courage to finally do it?

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I cut mine out in 2015, best thing I ever did. No more drama or abuse. Its not easy, but is worth it to get piece of mind.

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No you’re not wrong. She’s wrong. Do what you gotta do to protect your babies, ALWAYS! I don’t speak to my mother either. It sucks but it’s what’s best for my and my children’s mental health.

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Yeah fuck her off.shes toxic.

Run walk whatever you need to do but get away from her. Take care of yourself and your son first. Just because she is blood don’t mean you have to talk to her. Believe me you will feel better to just drop her. I promise. Take care of yourself.

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You are absolutely not wrong.It makes no difference who the toxic person is in your or your kids lives…cut them completely off asap.No grandparent should ever talk like that about their grandchild or treat their own child the way she does you.It doesnt matter…family or not…f**k her.

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Cut Her Off Before U Put Your Hands On Her