Hi, so I have an issue, and I don’t know what to think or feel about it but hurt; my boyfriend has been in my daughter’s life since she was four months old, she’s four now. She calls him Daddy as she’s never seen her bio dad, no child support or anything. He wants nothing to do with her. Well, two weeks ago, My boyfriend’s grandpa passed away, the only grandpa, my daughter knew/had. Well, when they added names to the remembrance card, My boyfriend’s family added every single girlfriend and child of the other grandkids, and my boyfriend’s others daughters were added but my daughters and mine. It broke my heart. She was so upset over her poppy’s death, she still cries and talks about him. Should I wash my hands of this family? Or continue to let my child be treated like she doesn’t matter? I want to just tell them all off and leave because of it’s been one thing after another. Advice, please. I know for a fact that man loved my daughter. I just don’t know anymore.
If it’s a repeated occurrence and she is often hurt by not being “part of the family” have a discussion about including her as part of the family. If it only happened this time, as hurtful as it is, bring it up that you were hurt for not being included while everyone else is and ask why. Don’t automatically cut off contact if this is the only occurrence. Just make sure everyone knows where you stand and just talk to them.
No. You aren’t married. I’ve seen some include but 90% of the time I don’t and wouldn’t think of it unless engaged
The death likely hurt others not just you and your kid. You’re being petty about it. Let it go. Someone DIED. Let the family grieve without you throwing a tantrum over a card!!!
Your not married, so no not odd at all.
If other girlfriends were added then you should’ve been added to
I’d be upset too you have every reason to be if he was her pappy too she should of been included blood or not that’s bullshit I’d address it & ask why she wasn’t & if they see her as any different then any of the real grandkids blood related !
I would let it go. If your daughter continues to get slighted then I would say something but it’s an obituary. He’s gone. Remember him with love. You don’t need to be listed.
Let it go. It wasn’t anything disrespectful
It might have been an oversight. They are grieving too. I’d say give them another chance to see if this is actually a pattern.
What did your boyfriend say? I feel like if they added the other girlfriend they could have added you and your daughter!
Girlfriends can come and go. You shouldn’t be added to the card unless you have been together for a very long time and a huge part of the family. Don’t bring this up to him or his family. That would be highly disrespectful
Their mourning a death …
Unless you’re lying to the child about who her father is than his family not including her in the obituary when there were no biological or legal ties to the grandfather is petty to bring up her being left out.
If they added the other girlfriends and their kids too then I would have a problem and yes at least cut off whoever wrote them up and whoever proof read them because that’s not okay!
Does it really matter? I mean she knows in her heart that he loved her like his own. To be added to a piece of paper is simply just that. If it’s a continuous occurrence then sure I would put my foot down but at a time like this that should be the least of your worries.
If you were a WIFE sure but a girlfriend nope. Personally I would be p×ssed if 1 of my brothers added his girlfriend/baby’s mama names. Being a wife is totally different. Just my opinion 
I wouldn’t be offended by it since it’s his family… you’re not married to him yet.
These things happen. My grandfather accidentally forgot my children in my grandmother obituary. The second youngest cousin was also forgotten and so was another great grandchild. Just send your condolences and be there for the family.
I would absolutely bring it up after a respectful amount of time. Sounds like they purposely left you out especially if everyone else last girlfriends and kids were added. If they don’t have a good explanation I would take your daughter out of that family because apparently all they can think about is themselves.
Oooof, imagine making a death in his family all about you 
You and your daughter should have been added, this is a repugnant calculated act to not include you both. I went through the same with my exes family, they know what they are doing and are obviously too petty to be empathetic towards how your daughter felt towards the grandpa. You and your daughter deserve better, maybe talk with your partner about how you feel and hopefully he will stand up for you if it happens again. If not or it’s a constant thing it will only get worse over the years ahead. Your daughter will feel it and be hurt by it. Sorry for the loss you both felt xx
It sounds like you want to make a bad situation about yourself. Grow up.
I understand the family. For 1 you guys are not blood related to them , maybe thats why they didnt add you ? Plus its a death relax . May he rest in PEACE 
If it’s an isolated incident, let it go. Use it as a tool to teach bub it’s ok to be left out of things as this won’t be the last time she experiences something of this nature.
Then do something special for grandad x. It’s not him that posted it. It’s ok 
do your own obituary thing in the paper from his special girl. If they have nicknames for eachother put that in. Cut it out and give it to her so she knows she’s given her condolences to her pop !
If it was intentional, it’s quite passively aggressive. But if it reoccurs I would say something. This is not specifically something I would raise to the family.
There are so many petty things I can support. This is not one of them. Let them mourn.
If every other girlfriend was added I would be upset too!! If u have been in their life since your daughter was 4 mths old n she is now 4 yes I would personally add some space maybe not cut them off completely!!!
They are not married and the child isn’t blood related … And who knows the family may not like her for whatever reason… It’s foolish to think you should be added to his grandfather’s obituary… Stop it 
She shouldn’t be worried about being in anyone’s obituary except the boyfriend and even then she may not be… One more thing and if she feels like she’s been around for a long time she has more important things to worry about like why her and the boyfriend aren’t married yet…
First off, so sorry for your loss! How does your boyfriend feel? Is this the only time that you and your daughter haven’t been included? I have gone through this with my bf’s family. They constantly include everyone else’s spouse or bf/gf, including the teenagers in the family. It’s been hurtful and to me it’s disrespectful! My bf just says he doesn’t want to be in the middle of it. We’ve been together for almost 8 years! I just quit going to anything with his family. We have celebrated some holidays apart and we’ve celebrated some holidays together! He has asked a couple of his family members why I’m not included and has told them that if I’m not invited then he’s not going either but I still don’t get included. 2 years ago, I gave him a big birthday party and didn’t invite anyone in his family and they did nit like that at all but still I’m not included! In my opinion, this is something he should address after giving the family some time to grieve and then the 2 of you go from there!
As long as you know the relationship you had with the passing person, nothing else should matter. It’s an obituary, and while I get how you’re feeling, I’d have a conversation later on IF the behavior continues. By that I mean, they find other ways to continue to keep you & your daughter not included. However, it really should be up to said boyfriend, since it’s his family. If you step in front of him, that can make for an even worse situation. Have the conversation with him, be transparent, and see where it goes. But, in all honesty, I wouldn’t care, but that doesn’t mean you should feel the way that I would. If it makes you feel any differently, I wasn’t in my dad’s obituary, but I wasn’t upset because… I was the closest person to him, and others couldn’t (& still can’t) get over that. It is what it is. I know my dad loved me, he was my best friend; I don’t need an obituary to validate that.
“ I know for a fact that man loved my daughter.” I’m sure your daughter knows too 
No. Let your child decide when they are grown. Be fair, your child may resent you for denying access to family.
Someone just died. Things inadvertently may get missed. I wouldn’t take offense. It was most likely a mistake. In all honesty I would try to look past it and just take time with your daughter and mourn his passing. When my husbands parents passed people got petty and it hurt him so deeply. He just wanted to mourn and people were creating drama unnecessarily. It’s not about you, it’s about everyone mourning a death
They may love her as she gets grown and then they will have to stand on that action. Karma is a classy bitch.
The way I see it… if they added other girlfriends & children… it shows a lot how they feel about you and your daughter imo. 
No… why hurt ur 4 year old cuz your upset?
Death is one time when grace should be sought more than any other time. Do you know how many signatures, and important decisions that HAVE to be done while your heart is in absolute shatters?
Death is HARD. It’s not the time to worry over petty nuances. If they treat her well, let this go. It’s a piece of paper that doesn’t have any long term effect on your daughter.
I can understand how you are upset but you guys aren’t married so the family probably didn’t put you on there incase something were to happen in the future and them keeping the card as memories. It’s a tough time for everyone , just let it go. If the family doesn’t treat your daughter with love and respect aside from the little card incident… then I wouldn’t come around. I don’t think it’s your bfs fault. Just let it be
They just lost someone they love, it wasn’t done with malicious intent. Besides, obituaries usually only name blood related relatives, and some by marriage depending on the relationship. But you’re not married and the child doesn’t technically belong to your boyfriend and so it probably didn’t even occur to them. I don’t find them leaving you and your child out of the obituary, but I do find it very disrespectful, and a bit disturbing that your making things about you when they just lost someone they love… my advice is to please seek counseling and learn how to deal with your emotions. I don’t have much to go on but this story, but based off that alone, you clearly need a lot of attention and don’t know how to express yourself and that’s something you really need to work on for yourself otherwise your feelings will always end up hurt over something that has nothing to do with you. That kind of behavior could cost you a good man.
It would be weird in my opinion for them to have added your names to be honest. You aren’t married.
BF needs to confront his family as to why you and child were omitted obit
Don’t fell them anything. Just stop answering and being available. Saying something won’t change anything. It’ll be used to validate their behaviors and attitude. So, just be quiet and walk.
If that’s how they behave, you don’t owe them an explanation or excuse. Just walk away and realize that their bad behavior isn’t about you or her. 
A man (who was no doubt more important to his immediate family than to you and your daughter) died. You are clearly not grieving but your bf and his family (and your daughter) are. A man is dead but here you are just “me me me”. Pitiful!!
Seems pretty narcissistic to make the death about yourself.
I was thinking it was because you all aren’t married and then I got to the part where they added other girlfriends and their kids. Sounds to me they put you in your place. Now it is up to you to decide if that’s a place you want to be.
This is extremely petty and I hope for your sake you learn to keep your mouth shut about it because the loss of a loved one is hard enough without someone acting like a brat over their name not being on a piece of paper.
My fiancé passed away last year and he’s been a dad too my two kids for over 5 years when he passed away. They added our young daughter we share together to his obit. But not me or my other kids. My advice is to Pick your battles, some things aren’t worth the drama that comes with voicing how you feel, you know how much your kid meant to the grandfather. Cherish those memories and carry on with life.
Mine did the same to my children that their son accepted as his it was then that I realised we were not family in there eyes and never will be.
Grow up Petty Betty this isn’t about you 
Sorry you two are not married nor are you blood related…
A dear friend of mine was terribly upset that he was left out of the obituary of his ex wife’s father. I really didn’t know people got that upset about their name on an obituary until then… interesting
Would y’all bitches look at a step child and say, “sorry you’re not blood you don’t count”?
If that man was her grandpa (even in name only) if he loved her like she was HIS he was her GRANDPARENT!! Y’all are idiotic!
There’s a reason they didn’t include you and your daughter but included other girlfriends.
Maybe he didn’t want you added.
I have never been in that situation so I don’t think I should have opinion on this but I did want to say when I wrote my mothers obituary, the funeral home did say we could revise the online one if we missed something or needed to correct something. So if this is so important to you and your daughter maybe ask to be added on to it. I mean if it was just a mistake it could be fixed. but I wouldn’t push it because you are all grieving! So this is all up to you guys and how strongly you feel about being on the obituary. I’m sorry for your family’s loss!
For all of you saying you are being petty and to get over it, first off no where does it say she actually cut them off or spoke to them about it as of right now, she’s asking a question to as if she should. Granted this would not be the right time to talk about it or even ask considering everyone just went through such a rough time, but is your daughter included in other things during family time or is it always like this? Granted you are ALLOWED to feel hurt for you & especially your daughter given the fact that he was the only grandpa your daughter knew. I wouldn’t necessarily cut ties with them unless treating your daughter unequally is a reoccurring thing, bc to me it’s kinda like a way of saying they don’t accept you two if this is ongoing before the obituary issue. And it is a little messed up and petty if they added every other girlfriend and child if they weren’t somehow blood related but you weren’t added. You know they say choose your battles wisely, this one I say don’t approach it, but don’t let your feelings go unnoticed if they choose to exclude you and your daughter from future family things as if you weren’t family I’d speak up then about your feelings about things Hugs to you.
It was probably Bc the other children were blood related, so their mother’s were also added. You are not married and your child isn’t technically related.
I can understand being upset 
a little but just let it go you have to pick and chose certain battles and this is something not worth the drama and long as she knows he loved her that’s all that matters usually people don’t get added unless married usually anyways it could possibly be an oversight to but just let it go let the family grieve
Id be upset! I TRULY dont understand how half these ppl can comment u are petty by any means…
This is upsetting, obviously this was a loss for u and ur child both & its understandable u wld want to be included ESPECIALLY if other GFs were added, that seems intentional that u were left out.
My opinion, show grace & love in this time of loss and move forward in comforting ur child & S/O.
im so sorry for your loss and the lack of consideration that was shown toward you.
If you know he loved her that’s all that should matter… obits are after the fact and not usually written in advance by the deceased… seems harsh to take her family away because your feelings are hurt… maybe you should express your hurt feelings and see where that gets you in your decision
As long as you know that you were both cared and loved by him then being added to the obituary is nothing but just jotted down names. Let it go.
No. If you were married, yes but otherwise usually just family members are listed.
Lmao I’m sorry, what?! Girl please leave that man so he can find someone who’s not being a drama Queen over his own grandfathers death 
I get feeling left out because it does happen in every family, unfortunately. I’d say bring it up with your boyfriend ( find the right time ) and ask him his thoughts on it and go from there. It’s his job to defend you guys, but this isn’t really something I’d feed into. I’d just let it go this one ain’t about you.
Let it go 
Who’s names are added is the immediate family’s choice. You’re only telling your side of the story so maybe they have their reasons. What ever the case may be, it’s not up to you to dictate what a family should or shouldn’t do when they loose a loved one. All you will do is validate their reasons for leaving you out if you create a fuss at this sad time. Hold your head up and act like you didn’t even notice. Not many obituaries include gf’s and their kids anyway. 
I see you’re upset but have you stopped to think that a man your bf and your daughter loved died rather than about your name in an obituary? This isn’t about you, it’s about honoring a man that passed away. You don’t have to be close with them or even like them but to act out and throw a fit over it is unnecessary. You can talk to your bf and tell him you feel left out but to make a scene when a man passed away over this when you should be honoring his memory is unnecessary and uncalled for. This is about him and his legacy, not some names on a piece of paper.
I don’t think so. Not trying to be rude by any means but unless you two are engaged and/or your daughter is his biological child, you can’t be mad for not being in the obituary. Either way, that is a very touchy subject to bring up to people that are mourning a loved ones loss. I would let it go. Pick your battles, and I don’t think this is one you should pick.
And you say your daughter is treated like she doesn’t matter… is it just about the obituary or do they treat her like this on other occasions. Like do they not include her in things?
I can see u being upset if they indeed included every other gf and such… but to consider breaking up? I had to laugh… u truly don’t wanna be with him if u wanna break up over this. It has nothing to do with how ur relationship functions
If they added the other girlfriends… yeah they’re being assh*les.
Sure it sucks. Even though was separated from my ex husband when his father passed away. They put his mistress name by his. Our kids and I weren’t even told of the funeral arrangements either. Let it go not worth it. Just goes to show the type of people they are.
The real question is why are u being so damn petty
If they are good to you other than this omission, I would forgive it. If they are not good to you and your daughter and theres not a good relationship, I would have nothing to do with his family as there wont be a loss anyway. By the way, if you’re going to have kids, be married.
I’m just wondering if the girlfriends of the other people have kids biologically with the family members and that’s maybe why they added them because even if they break up they can’t wash their hands clean of them because they have bio kids with them ? I went through almost the same thing for 10 years with kids that are his until we actually got married I mean after 10 years they didn’t get the hint that I wasn’t going anywhere. But my husband doesn’t really have much to do with them so it kinda hurt when we would actually all get together as a family and they didn’t want me in like family pics but honestly I can have my own pics with out them and I have no desire to be added now if it comes to it and he never said a word either . It will get less painful and you will see the true colors and decide it’s not worth it. And you him and your daughter will live together and have a family life without them anyway so just stick to your little family well that’s what I do anyway.
How do they treat her? That’s what matters.
If it were me I would discreetly tell his parents how it made you feel,but it would not cut ties with the family
I know exactly how you feel except this happen to my granddaughter with her great grandfather on her bio father side
It sounds like there are deeper issues.
You ask if you should “continue” to let your child feel as if she doesn’t matter, if you feel like she’s being mistreated, it sounds like you know what you need to do. She is way too young to know or understand that her name was omitted unless you bring it to her attention, which she still won’t understand. It sounds like it’s time for you to take a look at this relationship and decide if it’s what you want or not. It sounds like you will have some deep resentment regardless.
You want to cut ties with a family and have strangers on the internet validate your decision to do that, over what may have been a simple oversight or the actions of a grieving person who decided to exclude you for their own reasons?
If you choose to turn it into a ‘thing’ over a few words on a card, then do them all a favour and cut ties with them and let your partner move on too. He doesn’t need this kind of shit from you after losing his father.
I find it quite unfair that your boyfriend and his family just lost a loved one and you’re making it about you and your feelings.
I think the only person that needs to acknowledge your daughter in that family is your boyfriend. No one else owes you anything. An obituary is something you keep forever maybe they’re unsure you guys will last🤷🏽♀️.
Let it be…nobody can touch or erase what’s in ur hearts…precious memories
Do they treat you and her bad normally. I would be so hurt but you know he loved you both and that’s what matters not that everyone else knows. I’m so sorry.
The grandfather who died was not your daughters biological grandchild. The family and who ever is paying for the program controls how it’s going to read. The grandfather had a relationship with your child and that was priceless and something no family member can take away. Keep your head up, express your condolences to his family, frame the Service Program in your daughters scrap book for memory sake and then keep it pushing
Let it go. Share memories of grandpa with your daughter but otherwise continue on with boyfriend.
Let it go. This one is not worth the emotion. Comforting your daughter in her time of loss is the most important thing right now 
Same thing happened when the woman that I call mother in law passed away last year. I have been with her son for 17 years but my kids and I were not mentioned in the obituary. I let it go, not worth my time and energy to worry about.
I understand that you are upset. But this is not about you or your daughter. It’s about your boyfriend grieving for his grandpa. Your daughter does not need to ever know she was left off the card. If you tell her that could taint any future relationship with anyone in the family and it may make her question if the grandfather really loved her. Don’t do that to her. I would let it go and find peace and solace in knowing that grandpa loved you and your daughter. If you feel you need to say something calmly tell your boyfriend that you wish you had been included as you loved the grandpa too. But do it in a respectful non attacking way. Also wait for the proper time. But I would let it go. There are two things I learned a long time ago after I married my husband 1. Stop trying to please everyone and 2. Stop waiting for everyone to make you happy. When I figured this out with some of my husband’s family I was much happier.
Personally I feel your just looking for a reason to leave…Ending a relationship with someone who your child calls “Daddy” and is close to over this issue is absolutely stupid! If she’s mourning the loss of the Grandfather could you imagine the toll it’ll take on her when “Daddy” gone also. He doesn’t get a obituary with her name in it…He’s just out of her life. When a family sets down with the funeral director to make these final decisions it’s tough, overwhelming and emotional for everyone involved. Have you even discussed this with your partner? On why you weren’t added? It could of been a simple mistake. Doing my mother’s obituary I just told the funeral home to just pull the family names from my fathers obituary because I had zero desire to set there and name off everyone. It wasn’t until weeks later I called to have them remove people and add people.
Girl. Cut ties with the extra drama you’re trying to create. LAWD!!!
Huh? People need to get their priorities together. A man lost his grandfather (which having a grandfather is a blessing that some people never get to experience) and her concern is herself and her child being acknowledged in an obituary?!
My mom and I do not speak whatsoever and my grandpa died and him and I were so close growing up and he meant the world to me and my girls. But we didn’t go to his funeral at all because my mom would start stuff and cause a scene like always and at the end of the day my grandpa knows how much we loved him and how much he meant to us. Things like that don’t matter at the end of the day.
Who laughs at this?
Do they treat her good?
Did you ask why your names were excluded? Before just ghosting on them at least try to understand first.
When my grandma passed the funeral home had her last name spelled wrong and there was some missing content that was intended to be put there.
If you find their was I’ll intent from someone then treat them the same. Find out first what’s going on, you have to remember however this comes out will affect your baby.
You should be way more worried over the grief your daughter is feeling. A messed up obit happens all the time because of grief. If that’s all it takes for you to break up your family then by all means go and save your BF and daughter more heartache. It should be enough that you know the love and relationship was there not some blurb in a paper that most people aren’t even going to read.
Just let it go. My ex-husband recently passed and his widow (only married 1 yr)left out every one in his family ( mom dad grandparents aunt’s uncles cousins) . She only included her family and our kids and had 2 paragraphs about her self in his obituary. The only thing in his obituary about him was he had 3 kids and was 37 yrs old. Then I saw the picture montage she put together 25 mins of herself,her family her cats and and her cooking maybe 10 pictures of him and his kids. I didn’t go to the funeral but heard it was a shit show. if anyone left comments on his online obituary about him and his life memories with him or his achievements. She had them deleted. Including the ones his mom wrote. Only the ones from her family that talked about her where left up.
If infact the other girlfriends were added except you then yes I would be upset too, but I wouldn’t end my relationship because it. If you are really considering that maybe you shouldn’t be with him in the first place. They may have done it because maybe the other girlfriends actually have biological children with their family members were as as much as your boyfriend is involved in your daughters life he is not biologically her father and you are not his wife so to them you guys are technically not family. It sucks yea but they are grieving and so I would give them a break maybe talk to him before going to the extremes.
Let that go because the child is not biologically hos…but you stated…“one thing after another”…what type of “things”…are you looking for a reason to leave?
This is absolutely ridiculous lol. You’re going to break up with your boyfriend and remove yourself and your daughter from the only family she’s ever known because you weren’t mentioned in an obituary. Imagine how hard that’ll be on your daughter. To lose her father bc of something so petty. I understand you’re upset and that is completely valid but this is the biggest over reaction I’ve ever heard. If you’re unhappy in the relationship I would understand but you need to step back from the pettiness and think about how this will impact your daughter.
When a person looses someone so much is on their mind and they are grieving the last thing they are thinking about is making sure every name got Added to a piece of paper. Wanting to tell them off and cut ties and leave the only dad your child knows because they didn’t put your name on a piece of paper is so inconsiderate of you !
Um do people know how to read? She said cut ties with her boyfriends family, not break up with her boyfriend
At the end of the day, if they don’t treat your daughter like everyone else in the family when she’s basically your boyfriends daughter, then fuck them, their loss, as long as it doesn’t affect your daughter too much. By saying that I mean, if they usually have sleepovers with her or treat her like a granddaughter/niece whatever, then I wouldn’t as that means she’d be missing out a lot. If they don’t do anything like that with her, then why bother? 
Omg. Not unless you are married!
So you are more worried about creating unnecessary drama than comforting your child and boyfriend while they grieve? That’s extremely selfish and you should let it go.