What he needs to do is forget the stimulus check start to make some type of payments so he wouldn’t get arrested and work on getting his license back if he needs to get a second job to catch up on payments that’s called being a responsible adult. I wouldn’t drop it because she needs that money there might be a time you can’t afford to get something she needs and with that help you can.
Do not drop the case! Your daughter deserves it. If you drop it you are only enabling him and helping in making him not taking responsibility for his own actions and/or inactions. Let him go to jail. Maybe he will get off the drugs and step up for his daughter
It sounds like his parents enable him to depend on them to fix everything for him. I say it’s time for him to step up and start taking care of these things on his own. He has to learn to figure these things out because his mom and dad aren’t going to be around forever. You could drop the child support case against him but that’s still not going to change his behavior, he’s still not going to go out and get a job especially if he can’t pass a drug test, he’ll still keep depending on his parents. Addicts don’t change until they get help. It’ll always be some excuse, don’t fall for it.
Don’t drop it! My ex did that for many yrs. He found ways to get money right before warrant went out. When my Daughter turned 15 he finally got his stuff together and became a police officer. Then money started coming in. You would find ways to support her with or without his help. She’s still his responsibility. If he was a good dad and disabled I would say give him a break but by the sounds of it he deserves none
No, dont do it if he doesn’t do anything then don’t let him off the hook. Don’t feel bad for his bad decisions. That is money that is going to help with your daughter that is her money not his. He only wants that money to get more drugs. I have been there i have been the nice one and it doesnt help you or him and most of all her.
Nope he just needs to dig himself deeper. If he gets that check there is a 90% chance he’s going to use it on drugs. It’s not your fault he ruined his life with drugs and not your job to be his parent and his parents shouldn’t have to fix his mistakes, he need to get a job get off drugs and even if don’t want anything to do with him anymore he needs to take some form of responsibility for the child he helped create.
In the end you have to do what’s right for you and your child but consider this. Is he ever gonna grow up? An addict won’t change until they hit their personal bottom so if his choices have led him to lose his license and maybe go to jail so be it. Don’t be part of his problem. Do what’s best for your child. His problems are not ones you created. This comes from an addict who has been clean for 12 years.
If he has money for drugs he can pay child support. His child should be more important then his drugs. Does his parents know this since they seem to be good granddaughters. I would only drop the support if he signs away his legal right to this child. Your daughter doesn’t need a drug addict in her life.
No way! Don’t drop the CS case. He STILL hasn’t learned to be any kind of responsible and he’s not going to change if you do.
Don’t let it go! Anytime money can be given to you for supporting your daughter you should take it! He made the adult decision to play and the end result was your little girl so he needs to step his butt up!
Do not drop it, maybe this is what he needs to help him grow up, if you do he will always want you to do things so he doesn’t have to pay or work. Please this is all your going to get form him and it is legal because it is through the courts, don’t let him get away with this.
I lived in people’s basements, spare rooms, campers, what ever u could,
Sometimes didn’t eat.
But I made sure I paid my CS, 900.00 a month for years and years… my ex made me suffer , but I did it ,I made it and most importantly my children love and respect me for it…
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Don’t drop it. He wants you to stop the case so he can simply get some money, money that he won’t help support y’all daughter. If he can’t get his life together because he has a CS case via courts, then that’s on him, not you. You did the right thing by filing a case. You were trying to help make him responsible.
It’s so sad when one of the parents won’t step up to the plate. I’m sure you put your daughters needs and wants above your own, even if it means you yourself goes without. The least he could do is somehow show some support knowing you handle it all. If all he has to give up is his stimulus check, then he’s got it lucky. He is her father and that money should be going to support his daughter anyways!! Do not drop the case no matter how hard he hounds you!!
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Don’t drop the case. He was man enough to make a child, he should be man enough to provide for her. You might need to sit down with his parents and tell them you are trying to make him grow up and you love the support they have given you for her sake. But it’s time to cut their own son off the purse strings and force him to get a job, and help his own child. Basically its grow up be a man and take care of what life you created.
I knew someone who had his tax refund and his paycheck (all of it) taken by the state. He quit his job. Why work if they don’t even leave you $ to live on. But then if he had ever paid support that would not have happened.
Yes they did take his stimulus check. Rules said you would not receive one if there was a case against you for back child support.
Why give him the ability to bail out on his child once more… The state took his money because he couldn’t be bothered to pay it himself. Your baby is worth it to stick to your “guns” and hold him accountable.
You’ve gotta a lot of good advice!Didn’t read em all but here’s mine. If he doesn’t work then he doesn’t need a drivers license nor a stimulus check!! I went thru a similar situation when they get ready to get clean they’ll do what they need to get all the things they lost back!! Idk what state you’re in but some states don’t go looking nor serve a child support order they tell ya if their picked up they’ll serve em. I’d stop answering calls there obviously not pertaining to the child only bout his hide!!
Don’t drop it this is owed to your daughter he is responsible for his decisions and actions not you. You are lucky for his parents do let his problem be just his problem
Do not drop the child support case. It is his responsibility to support her as much as it is yours. If you drop the case and he gets his stimulus check is he going to give it to you for her? His choices are the reason he didn’t get his stimulus check. Do not drop the case. Your daughter deserves better and so do you.
Child support is suppose to be for the benefit of the child. If you dont need the money, bank it for college because it sounds like he wont be around for that either. It took two to have this child and he needs to do his part no matter how little it is. He is down and out now but what if in future he straightens up or wins lottery, he still wont help you financially with this child. Dont feel guilty.
He is the father and needs to support his child . He has had ten years to figure it out ! Do not give into him !
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He is responsible for helping to support his child. I personally would not drop the case. Time for him to be an adult.
Absolutely not!!! Do not drop it. You deserve that money. If he chooses not to be in her life. Shame the hell on him. He needs to grow up. Child support will should stay in effect.
The stimulus check isn’t going to help you no matter what. If anything it will support his drug use. You can never trust a drug addict. Let him go. Its very good of his parents to help you. Don’t feel sorry for him. Just be a good parent to your daughter. You dont need him!
Why should he get off free. He needs to stand up, get a job and do what is right. He helped to make this child he should be supporting her. And he should be visiting her often.
Don’t drop it. I had one that never paid and what the government took from him came to me in back child support eventually. Shocked when I got a check for over $15,000.
Don’t drop it, you may not be able to help him with his issues, nor are they your responsibility, she she is part his responsibility & he needs to step up. You & your daughter deserve his support
Don’t drop it. I did…and lost years of support. I redid it and my boys are now in their 20’s and he still owes. I get money occasionally but he’s owes what he owes. Don’t give in… you will regret it.
Do not drop the case. This too shall pass. What happens when he gets himself together? Will he come to you and say that he will take over the responsibilities and here is the money you need? No, he will have amnesia and say something like, “It is what it is.” Or something crazy and obsurd. He will not be your support system, while your child grows up and then she is too old to get child support.
Do not drop it, he will only use it on drugs and not his child. I know it is hard but it’s time he learns that he suffers the consequences of his actions. I had a family member whose husband was a deadbeat and was into drugs etc. He never gave any support and we were al glad to get rid of him. His son changed hi last name and never looked back. If you drop this it won’t teach your daughter how to be stronger than him you have to let her see him in his true colors, she is going to thank you later.
Best of luck and know trust your heart and instincts even if he will still see her he won’t be doing it with your help to feed his addictions.
You wouldn’t be taking the case if he was supportive,
Why would you support his request now 10 year’s later.
Let him support himself now, his parents are obviously good people and are ashamed of his journey considering they step up as grandparents.
Do not back down, stand firm, men learn through pain and consequence and this is the consequence for not growing up and taking action. Tell him if he doesn’t want things to get worse he needs to start showing action to change.
Call him and tell him, man up, grow up, shape up! Be a man take responsibility do the father’s share of his daughter care! Do not give him anymore breaks! If he hasn’t given you any support for your daughter in ten years he needs a lesson, like jail time!
Personally I wouldn’t drop the case. He can get a restricted driver’s license. The likely hood of him getting the stimulus even if you close the case is slim. If he hasn’t shown you yet that he isn’t going to step up and do what he needs to for his child then why feel bad for him
You owe to your children to enforce child support. No man or woman should have children and not make an effort to support them. And even if you don’t need it you may need it. If u don’t then put it away for college or for when they need a car or buy a home.
He must take responsibility for his actions, so dropping the CS case would not accomplish this. Don’t drop anything, he is just looking for drug money
Do not drop it!!! If he is on Drugs why do you think he wants his check?? No his children are his responsibility and he needs to own up to that. I’ve been there done that it does not help a struggling Mother. . If he is behind on support I don’t think dropping it will get him his check anyway. Let him wake up and smell the Roses. He has responsibilities and they are not gonna go away. Prayers for you and your Family:pray:
Do not drop it. Obviously he has worked since he filed taxes in 18 or 19. He wouldn’t have gotten stimulus check if not. And now every year you will get his taxes and any stimulus. If he can’t be responsible enough to see his daughter the least he can do is help financially. Then when she wants to do cheer or anything you will have the money
Dont drop the case. If he was current on his support they wouldn’t of taken his stimulus check so that’s his fault not yours. And it’s not your fault his license is suspended. He needs to worry about getting a job and taking care of his daughter.
He shouldn’t get a stimulus check! It should go to you!!! What the heck he done to help out this country!!! He can’t even help with his daughter!
You said it more than once that you know what to do. It might be hard, but he is not your responsibility. You only have to worry about your child. Things have a way of working themselves out. Look at it this way, if he ends up not being able to pay and ends up in jail it will give him a chance to sober up. That might be the only chance or way he can get help. Trust yourself and your instincts, even when it seems like you’re being mean. I had been in kind of a similar situation years ago. He might get mad and say hurtful things, but you know the truth about who you are and what you need to do and take care of in your life. I really hope you see this and it helps. Support is always necessary when dealing with anything like this. You aren’t alone. Stay strong for that child of yours. She’ll grow up seeing what a strong mom she has and knows she has a great role model.
Thank you David Torres. Praying and seeking God is the BEST answer. She isn’t responsible for him or his actions. He is a grown man and im going to say this. If his patents would stop enabling him and give him Tough Love, pit him in God’s Hands he will be a better person and become productive. Yes. You take it to God because He is a just God. People play VICTIM to keep from looking at their mistakes and responsibilities. It’s NOT your fault he’s on drugs. NOT your fault his licenses are suspended. NOT your fault if he cannot get a job. To KEEP ENABLINGING would be your mistake. Remember you’re raising a beautiful little girl and she has to be strong and know she’s VALUABLE and a PRINCESS. Should never lower our Standards. Be that Mother she needs that will teach her, her VALUE and WORTH. No man can give you that. Teach her she has to LOVE herself first. God bless you and your Princess and whatever decision you make, you be at peace. God Bless you my Sister and I pray you go to God about it. 
You lose all leverage if you drop the case. It’s obvious his plea is for his benefit, not his daughter.
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No you shouldn’t. It cost money to raise a child. If he wasn’t helping financially before and not worried about the expenses to raise his child the way you are then its not your problem he’s getting nothing now. It takes 2 people to create a child therefore it should take 2 people to support a child. I would stop receiving his calls if all he does is bother you to drop child support more than asking if he can help with anything.
Hell no that is just enabling him to continue. I have been there done that. Lived with it for 10 years he done everything to get me to drop it . I refused the only way I ever got any support was when he got arrested or he worked lol. So no do not enable him like his family is doing.
You need to do what you think is right but in my eyes it’s his fault that he has back child support and could go to jail for it. That’s his actions and consequences.
I have been in this exact situation with my ex when our girls were young. My 2 daughters are now grown. Over many years of conflict, excuses and court dates, etc. I tried so hard to mend the gap and have him do the right thing, but i decided to drop the case when he was facing prison owing $68000 in back child support. My girls were old enough to see the tension and it truly made an impact on them. Ultimately I had to be the parent to do what was best for my girls. In my case it was making peace with what we could not change. Even the States Attorney met with me and couldn’t believe I was doing it solely for the best interest of my girls. Every situation is different and only you know what will give your family peace.
One of my biggest regrets is not going after my son’s father for child support. My thinking at the time was I don’t want his help and I can do it on my own. And I did! But now I realize that is money that I kept away from my son! I could have put it in a savings for him for when he graduated or something. Don’t drop the case!
Do not drop it he needs to be responsible for his child you did not get the child by your self the only way he will learn is to persue this and let the state go after him and thank goodness for his parents but they need to let HIM GROW UP he was old enough to make a child he is old enough to support her
No ma’am, because this could be the breaking process that he have to go through. Sometimes as women, our compassion steps in and we get in the way. Pray for him and keep it moving.
Do not drop it. He will use the stimulus money on drugs… Better you have the money for Cheer or whatever she needs. You are blessed to have great in laws who hwlp you out.
Pray on it. Do what you feel is right for you and your daughter. In the end it will be his loss either way. Life is too short. My 2 boys were 9-10 when I divorced. Took him to court, by then he was 14k in the rears. He paid here n there. Never what he was suppose to. I gave up. He gave up. Couldn’t get blood out of a turnip. Been 11 yrs. He never fought to be wth my sons , when he did, it was to cry about me. They’re 22-24 this yr. youngest wants nada wth him. The other , sparingly keeps in touch. In the end, his loss. He didn’t hustle to support them.He didn’t hustle to be in their lives. his loss. We have no use for him. His loss. I cut my losses. Moved on. Do what is right for your daughter and you. Good luck. You got this. Hang in there. He’ll get is in the end. My ex has. js. 
Yes, I agree. Pray on it but I will say this. He needs help and you are not helping him if you simply do as he asks. He does need to get help with his addiction and as you said he needs to grow up.
I speak from experience when I say -Do Not enable him in any way. If you need to get a clearer picture talk to someone at NA who can help you see how an addict thinks. Addicts think about addicts, very little else matters until they get help.
NOPE!!! My ex was constantly behind on CS!! I would get his tax return checks if there was one. He would always ask me to give him the money back so he could pay for his boat storage fees!! He is always switching jobs or out of work. My son is 24 now, graduated from college and my ex is still paying all the back CS payment!! We use it to help pay the school loans.
DONT let him off the hook. He has to take responsibility. BUT also it sounds like his parents need to stop helping him and make him step up!!!
Good Luck!!
Nope! It’s all an excuse he should have taken care of his business from the get go! If you drop the child support you are hindering him from being responsible…Pray for him and don’t let him manipulate you for his mistakes!!!
Being a retired child support worker, please do not drop case. He owes you this money. Looks like the child support personhas worked hard.
You said if you drop it you will still never get his help, if you drop it he may never get the help he needs. Pray about it, God knows the right answer for you, him and your child. I will be praying for you all.
DO NOT DROP IT!! It’s not your fault he’s not a responsible person and has no regard for you or his daughter. He doesn’t have a job because he has no intention of getting one or wanting one. People like him always have excuses and his parents are only enabling him…it’s a sad situation.
Let the case stand. Both of you made your daughter. He needs to provide for his daughter just like you do. Good luck
I dropped the case against my 2 older children father because they heard th whole conversation with the caseworker. He said he would be homeless if I didnt. My husband was in the room and said, then drop it. The caseworker asked who he was and he said he was the one in the house that paid the Bill’s. The cow asked if I was ok with it. I said yes. Their dad said thank you and we never saw another penny
That’s ok, because they look to my husband now.
Absolutely not, he helped you create the kid, he can help support the kid.
I have sole custody of my son also. His dad rarely sees him too but I’m ok with that. I dropped $25,000 worth of back pay for my ex husband. He would’ve went to prison over it and I would’ve never gotten it anyway. However, I did not drop the child support case. My son is almost 12. Only time will tell if he starts to pay and keeps up with it now. Sometimes I regret my decision. But I also did not want to give the burden of fighting it to my son. We know he would’ve never gotten caught up by the time he’s grown.
Tell him you’ll drop the case when he gets his life together. Whether there is an order for support or not he should still be supporting his daughter.
No it sounds like he needs to grow up he shouldn’t have his stimulus check his daughter should sounds like he needs to know how it feels to want but can’t have and I am sorry your daughter didn’t get to cheer I am sorry but this is how I feel no pitty for him at all just another dead beat dad
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UNDER NO CONDITIONS DROP IT. My daughter is still occasionally getting back support, her youngest is nearly 22. The " father" is still totally irresponsible.
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DO NOT DROP IT!!! He has no intentions of fulfilling his duties. You may have it hard now, but things will get better. When your daughter grows up she will realize what kind of dad she had. You should not talk bad about him.
I would drop it. You’re not benefiting from it Anyways and his parents already help you out a ton as you’ve said. Give the guy a fighting chance even though he doesn’t sound like a real stand up guy. I’d want my child’s father to have the best chance at success.
If you drop the case he gets his driver’s license back. My kids were on drugs but the thing they had custody of their kids because ex was worse.if he wants you to drop the case bad enough get clean. End of story.
The $ is for the child not for the caregiver to use on themselves! He needs to take responsibility! No do not drop the case!
Do you get state assistance for food, medical or anything? If you do, you cannot drop it. It is out of your hands and the state you live in has taken on the case of collecting from him. I wouldn’t drop it anyway. It sounds like his parents are amazing and dont want to see their grandchild suffer…imho they are not enabling him. To enable him would be to make the monthly payments on his behalf (through the system) so that he would have to experience the consequences like losing license, stimulus, warrants, etc.
I wouldn’t drop it. Takes two to help support a child. And if he isn’t willing to help by himself then the state should force him. Seems like he’s had plenty of chances to step up and he only cares about himself
Don’t drop it! His daughter is his responsibility not his parents and child support collection will take any $$ he has coming to him to support that child.dead beat dads are to be held accountable…good thing they suspended his license if he’s on drugs…
Dont do it! If he was taken care of his child none of this would happen he need to man up and take care of what is his!!!
Do not drop it. I was in court 3 times with my ex and the court always ruled in my favor. That money is to help raise your daughter, expenses for her. He doesn’t pay because he thinks this failure to pay is hurting you…
I fail to see one good reason why. Maybe the warrant and jail will clean him up. Maybe the check would have been to buy enough dope that he’d over do it and he’d pass. Not dropping it may be the best for him.
If you are happy being her soul support then by all means drop it. But this is his child and he only has himself to blame. But, enable him and take away from your daughter, it’s for her not for you and none of this is about him. I would tell him, you should have thought about that…
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I would only drop it if he agrees to terminate his rights. That should always be the deal. You don’t want to support your child? Okay, then you sign away any right to them. To be clear, I’m not saying to keep him out of the child’s life. He could obviously still visit just like he does now. There should be consequences for your actions and poor choices in life. If you don’t want to accept the financial consequences, then that’s the next logical step.
Don’t drop the case. He decided to have a child he needs to man up and care for her. If roles were reversed would he drop it against you? She deserves all support she can get, whether that comes to be monetary. You can only afford so much and it’s not your responsibility to mother him at this point and drop the case.
Drop the case for you’re daughters sake, show her you have compassion and that you pray for him to find his way, have her pray with you, it will be monumentous in her eyes.
Hell, no! I played this little pitty game with my ex. Raised my daughter by myself. Ended up going bankrupt and losing everything I had. Now he’s spending his days golfing and enjoying the good life while I’m working my butt off struggling. Do not - I repeat DO NOT give him a break.
DO NOT DROP this case! He needs to grow up and learn. His parents are enabling him enough Ignore his requests for you to drop the case; evidently that is the only time he contacts you.
Do not drop the case! He needs to learn to grow up and get a job! If he gets his license suspended then it’s his own fault! And if you ask me…he don’t deserve a stimulus check!
Absolutely not that baby deserves that money even if that x goes to jail because in jail they’ll put him to work on the p farm until he’s paid off his rear child support do not sign off on child support make him pay it you didn’t make that baby by yourself
Don’t drop the case. It’s time for him to put his big boy pants on and get a second job. Hopefully he has one job? I worked a full time job and a part time together for ten years so I could pay all my bills, pay for my house, groceries etc. Make him accountable and start being a MAN and a father
Do not drop it, I know it’s hard, don’t let your soft heart continue to enable his addiction and life choices. Maybe an arrest warrant is the best thing for him at this point, maybe he will get the help he needs. Sounds like if you let him have $$$ he would use it to buy drugs or alcohol.
When our case finally went to court he ended up having to pay. They would not let me drop the case when my son turned 18. I got back child support for him all during his twenties.
No! He has to be held responsible for his child. There are consequences for your actions or inaction as in this case!
If the state took his check, that money is gone. The state won’t give it back to him. They should be giving most of it to you for back child support. Don’t drop the case, your daughter deserves to be supported by both parents. You know that child support is not the reason he doesn’t get a job. He’s not going to do anything about his problems until he hits rock bottom & as long as his parents are providing him a place to live. You need to have an honest conversation with the grandparents & let them know that their son is a bad influence on your daughter & that they should show him some tough love. His “problems” are his. Not yours & definitely not your daughters. Get yourself to a AL- anon meeting, ask the grandparents to go with you. They also have groups for kids too. Give yourself a little peace of mind & get a little guidance on how to deal with your situation. Good luck.
Can you drop the case and re open in 3 months let’s say??
It’s sounds like he needs a lot of growing up to do. Maybe so u won’t feel bad tell him you’ll give him 3 months off so he can find a job. Right now there’s a lot of work for drivers and the unpaid child support will suspend his DL. I’m suggesting giving him a break so you won’t be fell bad, even though it sounds like he’s had plenty. If you do you’ll know even when he didn’t deserve it you helped him once again. Definitely pray on it, regardless your belief system. Pray to your creator and ask for guidance. I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you and bless you with wisdom. There’s lots of spirits out there, ask the Holy one to help. God bless 
Drop it! Help the guy out by dropping it and maybe he will get his life straightened out. He isn’t paying you anything anyway. Glad his parents are helping you.
Tell him to man up, he got to have the fun of making her. He doesn’t want to give up a red cent. Better a small amount of money, then none, and he gets off Scott free, without any responsibility for his actions,
Don’t drop the case! So what if he’s struggling. Screw him! That’s not your problem. You have his child and it’s okay for you to struggle. Tell him to catch the bus to work. His parents need to stop enabling him. Their at fault just as much as him.
He’s a drug using, responsibility avoiding man-child adult. No, she shouldn’t drop the Child Support Case. That money is for her daughter! If he wants to keep some money, he should get off his a$$ and work for it like the rest of adults who go to work every day!
Don’t drop it. She’s his responsibility too. Tell him t Grow up go to rehab & get a job.
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Nope and how would he get a stimulus that’s for working people who file taxes , hopefully he goes to jail and can kick the habit and when he gets out looks for a job I’m sure his parents are getting tired of him .
Do not do it I found out the hard way it may be a long time from now but if he is behind and ever draws disability you can get what ever money he is behind wish I hadn’t done it
Don’t drop it, he can get a letter from child support office once he sets up a payment plan and turn that into any job lead that is promising…
Pray however, I would not drop it ! I raised 3 by myself and not 1 come in support ! He has not seen my daughter since she was 3 ; she is now 50 ! My son is 48 and my last son passed 3 years ago ! My ex has no idea his son died ! I don’t get how any father or mother can just walk away ! He only lives 1 state away !! Back then , no licenses were taken or anything such as you are dealing with ! But your daughter is as much his responsibility as yours ! Does he see her ? Well, just venting a little ; there are so many dead beats out there ! Good luck !
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