I don’t think you can drop it. Juvenile DA would take over so the case can’t be dropped. They want two responsible parents. Your caring for her and they will make sure he does too. Just part of the gig and a real man would ask.
Went thru this with my grandson who I had custody if. Once it went to child support and state took over, there was nothing I could do to change it. BTW, the only child support I got was from the CS agency. His dad went to jail one time and now that my grandson is 21, they aren’t holding him responsible anymore
First of all, no one at the child support office told him to tell you to drop the case. He has not paid child support in 10 years. You can’t tell me he couldn’t have helped out in that long. If you drop that case you are enabling him to continue being a dead beat dad. Your daughter deserves support from her father as well as her mother. Don’t let him make you feel sorry for him. You are taking care of your daughter. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t drop it. He only wants the money to go buy more drug’s…
And don’t believe anything else he tells you!! Addicts are extremely good liars. And yours sounds a lot like a narcissist/Addict they are the worst kind!!!
Stand strong! It’s about time he contributes to his Daughter!!
Nope, keep the case and they will send you his stimulus check, In most states child support cannot be dropped unless they sign over their parental rights and even then any back support is still owed, do not let him off the hook.
Do not drop it you are just helping him do nothing. It’s time he owns up to his responsibility and deal with the out come of his choices.
Do not drop it. It may be what he needs to change, you never know. What’s going on now isn’t working, so try something else.
Talk to HIS parents and see what they think. We told our granchildrens Momma to go for it! We gave the kids everything they needed or wanted but she got the state involved anyways with our full support!!!
Sounds like he needs to learn to be a grown ass man. Whether or not he chooses to have an emotional relationship with your daughter, he has a financial obligation to her upbringing. It’s great that the grandparents are involved, but his debts, his life choices, are his. He has to own up to them. If it isn’t your CS case, it would be something else (criminal restitution, loan forgiveness, etc). This is one of those times he’s gonna have to pay the piper, instead of his parents, which might be why he is where he is in life if they’ve bailed him out over and over. Continue to try and foster a relationship with him and his daughter, allow her to have contact with his family, and everyone needs to let him fall on his face, so he can figure out how to stand up on his own. That’s a lesson he should have learned a long time ago.
Do not drop the child support case He needs to take responsibility for his child.He will never change as long as his family is helping him.
Yes you do know what to do. You need to think about your child. Trust and believe if you drop this you will never see a dime. Be smart, your child comes first. He’ll either grow up or he won’t. That is not your problem, it’s his.
NO dont drop it. This money is to SUPPORT your daughter. HE should do this !! Too bad for his bad luck. WHY DID HIS LICENSE GET SUSPENDED. HE needs to grow up and HIS parent’s need to kick his ass !! NO DON’T DROP IT maybe spending weekends in jail will make him think about working and SUPPORTING HIS daughter !! 
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I say talk to his parents. If they are helping you now then they should have a say so on your decision.
Don’t feel sorry for him. Continue no matter what. I have 2 sons, and never received any child support. My family was against me because I went to Florida, and my husband’s family was as poor as me. I worked 7 days a week, put in 90 to 120 hours a week to support my sons.
You should feel lucky to have in-laws to help, but if it were me, I would feel guilty. Good luck. Blessings to you.
Stand your ground, Do not drop the child support case…Maybe he needs a nudge into growing up! I’m sure his parents would love to see him straighten up and grow up…Don’t give him a second thought think of them and yourself, he should be helping financially… Good luck.
Don’t let it go. I wish I had pursued CS (even a minimal amount per month). I didn’t ask for anything and now it’s just one more indicator to my son that his dad doesn’t really care about him.
D not drop the case. It would be like a person yelling rape then dropping the charge. No One will EVER believe you again. You must establish the fact that he pays you nothing. That is more important then all his problems that He Created for himself. Now he wants You to pay for his problems by dropping the case. Do Not Do It. If you do no one will help you again.
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I agree pray on it it’s only a choice you can make. I will tell you this from my own experience. I was in your shoes dealing with the same exact thing you wrote about above. For me I found peace in just being able to support my daughters on my own. I didn’t want the drama of child support. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your daughter
He made her with you and needs to help pay for her. And idk what state you’re in but in mine, you can’t drop without someone adopting her. You can’t be “single” parent.
He’s just going to spend that money on drugs so you should not drop the case! Your daughter needs the money more than he needs a fix.
Don’t drop it if he was paying his cs he wouldn’t have had his stimulus taken. I wouldn’t feel bad for him at all he put himself in the situation. I know plenty of people who have job that pay child support and are in arrears but bc they have to pay crazy amounts. Hes trying to make you feel bad so you drop it is what it sounds like to me.
Hell no leave his ass on it. He’s making his parents take care of her and not doing it himself so you need to keep it going because yes while his parents are helping it’s his job not theirs. This is clearly the only way he’s going to do it is to be forced to. If he was helping when he could it would be different. Taking care of her is still his job as well.
NO! Look out for your child and put her before her deadbeat dad. You’ve done nothing wrong in filing against him. If he had done what he was supposed to have done in the beginning he wouldn’t have these problems now. It’s time for him to grow up and do right by his child, evidently he couldn’t do it without the system stepping in to protect her rights. Don’t let him guilt you into anything. Stay strong for your child.
Dont drop it. Your case is not stopping him from finding work. He just doesnt want to work because they will start taking out if his check. Keep this case he deserves to have to support her. He helped you make her. Stand your ground girl!
Honestly my ex husband is same way has never helped and I never asked for cs the state did it automatically because I do receive daycare help I can’t legally drop it I don’t even care about it if u can do it alone and clearly you have been and she is happy and has everything drop the case but not the arrears but that’s your call
You answered your own question. She’s ten and he hasn’t provided anything. Also, if he didn’t spend it on her, what would he spend it on. Drugs and drinking? You’re right to hold onto that case!
Do not drop it but at the next child support court tell the judge u would have a hard time getting any money from him in jail and that his parents help and u want to maintain that relationship. Then leave it up to the judge.
Turn an deaf ear to his pleading he doesn’t want to help you or your daughter so why feel sorry for him he’s a jerk has been and always will be keep him n your prayers that he wakes up and realizes what he has before she turns her back on him one day his parents won’t b here for him and only one that would care is his daughter.could get mighty lonely being alone tuff love for him
DO NOT DROP IT !!! He’s just being a dead beat father. And if he is behind on his support,then cs should be taking his stimulus for back support and give it to your child.
I never asked for child support if they don’t care then you should not make them do what they don’t want. Stand on your own for your children and have some pride.
No! Has he made your life or his daughters life easy ! Let him pay even if it’s a little he deserves to lose his license and all these things that sad he is so selfish
No, please think of your CHILD & you. NO child support is OUTRAGEOUS.
You are not his Mommy, you were his wife, he has a responsibility for HIS child.
His not working, drugs use and all that it has caused him are NOT your responsibility!
It also does NOT sound plausible that the state would give him the $1,200 back of you dropped the case, he obviously owed that money to the state.
Stand up for your daughter & yourself.
You should not feel GUILTY, none of his issues are of you or your daughters doing.
Even if you drop it he will still have to pay child support for the entire time you had a case. He still won’t get his stimulus check. I would tell him that and no don’t drop the case
Do not drop anything. You stated he’s on drug; where do you think that money will go. Use the money for your child. He’s a grown man. Why do you need to feel bad. He made a decision for himself you need to be responsible and make decisions for your child.
Hold his feet to the fire! Don’t enable him at all! If he can’t be responsible then he deserves to have any money he should get go to his child.
That’s a big nope for me. That’s how daughter. You didn’t make her alone. Just like you have to figure out how to support then so does he. He sounds like a grown child and what’s going to happen if you drop the case? Nope. We all have to pay for our actions.
By law he has a obligation to his kids. Above that he has a moral obligation. He cares for nothing but himself. I paid my child support and I paid half of other things that child support did not cover as in sports, camps etc. He is sad coz he did not receive his 1200 stimulus check but owes 1000s in back child support, he does not have the child best interest in mind at all. Right now my current wife ex husband pays his child support, there is no problem with that, but when she ask him for help to pay half on a graduation ring he refuses, no help with car, insurance, gas or anything. As a step father I do for her what her dad refuses to do. It’s a shame coz his step children has cars but he just refuses to pay anything beyond child support. So he pays child support cuz that’s his obligation by law but pays nothing towards his moral obligation.
I’m sorry but you’re not the only one that made that child. he needs to help you even if he’s not going to be there in her life it’s his responsibility to not just yours. I’m dealing with the same s*** with child support with my ex and I’m sorry but it’s so upsetting when the other parent won’t help you. we love our children and we do what’s best and it’s really sucks that the other parent won’t help. if he keeps harassing you about dropping the child support I would either tell him give up his rights or pay his damn child support.
Your child deserves so much better than him at least his parents are there helping you that is a good thing but it’s not their job it’s his. I would not drop the child support case.
Girl get that child support. He was man enough to make her. He needs to be man enough to provide for her. His problems are of his own making. Don’t feel guilty for his bad behavior. Think about your child. Btw I raised 2 kids alone and refused to drop the cs. The kids needed things. Guess what, he made it just fine and I was able to get medical care for them for issues that popped up when they were teens.
Its not about the money… its the principle. I have been through this and am currently going through this with my youngest son. I prayed over it and believe that the Lord wanted me to keep the case open. Again, Its not the money. My husband and I both worked 2 jobs… I accrued student loan debt, I made sure he got to play football, had nice clothes, went to camp etc…all the while dad was doing his thing out in the world. Accountability is the importance… Be thankful your ex in-laws were so generous.
Do not drop it .and if he keeps harassing you about it let child support office know. I am almost positive some type of charges can be brought up on him for that.
No, you will enable him as his parents seem.to be! It is about your child, he needs to figure it out. How is he getting a stumkis check if he doesn’t work? He needs to be contributing to his daughter if he is employed period.
Do not drop it!!! He isn’t hurting for anything…and trust me…you’re going to be glad you didn’t drop the case when he is buying toys and food for the next woman’s child(ren)!!! Best of luck to you and your family💗
With all due respect his parents possibly aren’t going to be around forever to help you and cover his butt. I’m sorry, but if he goes to jail maybe he’ll learn to take care of his own responsibilities and stop blaming someone else for his mistakes.
I have an ex who has recently asked me to do the same. My kids are now 23 & 20 and he is now being forced to pay. At first I felt guilty because it’s not needed at this stage but I raised my children by myself and that was his responsibility. Don’t hinder your ability to raise your child at his bequest. He needs to step up!
Don’t drop it. Child support is your child’s right. This money is to help keep your daughter’s life as comfortable as it would be if you were still together. You having to sacrifice your time with you child because you have to work is not fair for her either. As mothers (or fathers) we need to defend our kids rights… and receiving child support is her right.
I would not.drop it. He is supposed to support that child. I get that his parents help but that is not the same thing. He is a deadbeat dad and needs to get his life together. You said he has never paid a penny in 10 years. That is a long time. Don’t contribute to his foolishness by dropping your case.
Do not drop it. When she turns 18 he will be liabile to her for the money. He needs to man up or pay the price. Maybe jail will help him clean up his act.
Do not drop the case. Period. He’s a dead beat and the drugs don’t excuse him either. Maybe some jail time would be the best thing for him. He needs to hit rock bottom or he will never get help for himself ( he may not then either but sometimes it’s a wake up call)
Do NOT drop the child support case! I’m going through this with my daughters’ father, also. I will never drop it!
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Absolutely not!!! His child his responsibility as well!!! Time for him to grow up! Stand your ground!
No. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. He has been enabled all his life. You would just be adding to it.
Is your ex husband my ex husband?? #askingforme GIRL, HELL NO! My ex has been to jail twice now for non payment. I don’t feel bad one bit. He is going to blame you for everything. Does he have rights at all? The only way I would EVER drop child support is if my ex signed his rights over completely so I could fully move on with our lives. Good luck.
Do not drop it! His child is his responsibility also! I had an ex that refused to pay child support for years and I as a single mother had to struggle just to survive. My kids had to do without a lot because of their dead beat dad! It took 13 years but the state finally caught up to him.
Do not drop it. He made his own problems and choices and needs to realize that.
You know he’s coming to you complaining about his driver’s license and all that but it’s not your problem it’s his if he would just go ahead and pay it then he wouldn’t be suspended anymore and he wouldn’t be at risk for going to jail do not feel bad for him because it’s not your fault in the least
Don’t drop the case…he’s trying to make you feel guilty. While he’s in jail maybe he’ll get sober and grow up a little. The child IS his responsibility and it’s way past time he was made to pay for her care. DON’T LET HIM BULLY YOU!!!
a real man would not have even put you in that position. so he wants to feel sorry for himself…why you think the state took his stimulus check, he owes back taxes.
It’s NOT your money - it’s your child’s money!! For paying for his/her needs while growing up… If you do not NEED the money to raise your child/children put it in the bank for their education!!! Very irresponsible and SELFISH on the father to even ask!!
I was told once that I was not able to drop a case…that it wasn’t my money to drop. Don’t drop it. It’s his fault he is delinquent. It belongs to your daughter. Good luck hun.
He doesn’t deserve the stimulus check. Maybe they will send it to you for back time. Let him go to jail. It’ll give him time to think.
Im going through the same thing… i did drop it at the beginning but now I’m asking for help… if he can buy drugs he can support his child. I’m done feeling sorry for him… he can help or he can sit in jail. My daughter has suffered having him in and out of her life and he hasn’t helped one bit.
You know I would drop it you if don’t have much would are you going to get him paying child support is not going to change nothing once a loser always a loser if he don’t pay you don’t have to let child be with him Hun you have the Grandparents that makes sure your child is well took care of and it’s great you have a great relationship with them
Please DO NOT drop the case. That money is to help give your daughter the kind of life and protection she deserves growing up. Had he not fallen behind this wouldn’t have been an issue. I work with children in cases like yours and am their advocate in the court. If you drop the case not only will you be ending funding to help your daughter, giving him a free pass but making it a hard mountain to climb if you ever wanted to re-open up the case years from now. She’s only ten you say? She has 8 more years of school and those high school years are expensive. Once those stimulus checks are sent out and child support and alimony or any taxes owed are taken out they will not be sending out another check. The IRS or the US government is not that compassionate or generous.
Stop being sn enabler and send him to jail. Some people need to hit bottom before they reach for the light. You will be doing his parents a favor.
A real man would have taken care of his child and there would be no non support order to start with!
Nope because he needs to be held accountable for his child. What if you acted like that , what would your child do. If he wanted his stimulus check he would of been responsible . Don’t feel bad for his actions, he put his own self there. Your not responsible for him. Just your child.
If he’s under a court order to pay the support, you don’t even have to bring a case. He’s in contempt of court for not following the court’s judgement.
If he’s an addict, he’s going to do what addicts do, even if not by choice. His parents need to stop supporting him. If they want to help their grand child, that’s fine. If he’s got no license he can’t get much of a job. If he’s in jail he can’t get any job. So your chances of getting any money out of him are slim & none.
Do not drop the case. Sure wish my ex son in law would have had his check and license taken away…
Most people don’t ever change they always play the victim card. I am dealing with someone who is 70 and I know he will never change cause he doesn’t care and no one can make him. Sounds like you got some support but if you need that money then go for it, just wanted to let you know he’s not going to change. To bad for your child.
I would say don’t drop it. It’s not your responsibility to worry about his financial stability. It’s his responsibility to provide financial stability. I don’t know the laws of your state but I can’t help but to think by keeping the child support on him could be the only way to get him help or the closest thing to it. In some states, the absent party can get arrested once they are far behind in there support. If that’s the case here, he may be able to then sober up for a bit at the very least although I would hope he would be willing and able to get more help at that time. That’s my way of thinking about it anyways. Until then, I would hate for you to have to keep dealing with him asking and pestering you about dropping it. Therefore, I suggest developing some boundaries with him and try your best to remain peaceful and healthy on your end. Boundaries can be very helpful but try not to let your emotions give in to his wants or pouts no matter what he says. It’s gonna be hard at times, I’d like to also suggest a good support system for yourself and your daughter, whether it’s family, friends, counselor or a support group like Al-anon or similar. With all this being said, it’s also not your responsibility to sober him up. Just that maybe if he gets put in jail, that could lead to him getting the help he needs. So I would suggest keeping the child support order. Good luck and many prayers to your family.
Always keep the child in your first thought. If dropping it allows the father to remain in a healthy way then great, but if keeping it going to help him change his life then so be it.
He needs to be responsible, and grow up. If he goes to jail maybe it might make him change drugs are bad news,
No. He wants the $ for drugs obviously. You deserve it for her to do things. He needs to grow up and be responsible.
It will not work anyway. They took my sons and their wasn’t a case against him. The state takes the case over anyway. He needs to call and get his license back. If he can show proof he has a job lined up and a letter from the place thatshiring him they can reinstate it.
Time for him to grow up and face the consequences of his actions. Do not drop the case.
I understand men or women should pay children support and trust me there are a lot of men that have custody of their kids and the job that I do the past couple years it’s more men that have custody of their kids than it is women so back to child support I know you want him to grow up this isnt the way to do it once the lience is gone how the hell is that man or women supposed to go to work to get money to pay child support never understand that rule and it seems like the guy patients are helping you yed it isnt their responsibility but frist they must love you and your daughter very much cause most the time the parents wont help the girl out cause they just dont like her even though the bigger picture is the kid not the mom then 2 if they help you out just consider that as your child support and free the idiot that doesn’t want nothing to do with his child Because unless he wants to change he’s never going to change you can’t force them his parents can’t force them
Check with the CS office yourself- the Drivers License restriction went away in California. Which means if that happens to be the case in your state, he can get a job.
Nope! His tough luck! He will need to learn how to be more responsible. Why would you enable him?
I realize that by posting here you want advice, i truly understand that but the reality of it is that you need to do whats best for your child. If you drop that case he still wont help you hence why hes on cs to start with. It is not your fault that he lost his stimulus check, by all rights ot belongs to your child. See a lawyer.
That’s no excuse for him being on drugs he has a daughter to take care of don’t drop charges he needs to get a job. That’s wonderful his parents are helping out but that’s his daughter don’t drop charges.
No. Its best not drop it
He got to help with his child. Rather likes it or not
If he didnt want be a father then should had cover it up let load went n it
PLEASE don’t drop it. Since he can afford his drugs then he can give you the stimulus check. He helped create this child without thought of using protection, now he can help support her. If you give in this time, he will expect it all the time. He has dug his own hole/made his bed, now he can lie in it…
Don’t drop it!! I understand about feeling bad, me & my ex had an agreement worked out when we split up(our own child support) and I HAD to put him on child support bc my child is on AR kids & per law in order for her to keep her insurance he has to, his child support is less than what we had worked out, but he has not paid a penny since September. He understand having to be on it due to her insurance although he didn’t get his stimulus, I did. But I’m on the verge of losing my car bc of his lack of payments. (Our agreement on child support was the car payment which he has not made). So now I do not feel bad bc he knew and he has had time to get a job. If you are a single man with no responsibilities, even on drugs, I see no excuse for having a full time job!! Keep the case! One day he will realize!! Keep your ground!
Do not drop it, do not feel bad either because he needs to support his child. Honestly If he wanted it dropped he would actually support his child and not have to be asked.
My daughter’s father never gave a dime and he was arrested several times…his parents paid his child support for 14 years.
He made more children…pathetic
No he needs to show responsibility for being a father. He needs to grow up and stop making excuses.
Like in SC they don’t care my cousins kid was taken by his mom all cus she knew someone in the court system even though my cousin pays child support he can’t even see his kid and she li es in another state so far as dss workers they should f right off
Do not drop it. Its his responsibility to help support his daughter.
This is what’s wrong with our country…if he truly loves his daughter, he would change his behavior to do the right thing… if people around him keep enabling him for his bad behavior… He won’t ever change… It may sound callous… but it sounds to me like he needs a reality check…Glad to hear the parents have pitched in to help out… but they’re not the solution to the problem…they have become part of the problem… being a surrogate enabler for the son. …An alternative option would be for him to voluntarily turn himself in to drug rehab as a intervention solution…the local services services office can help you with the details…But he’s going to have to take the first step and take responsibility for his actions
Yes you do. You know exactly what to do. You asking permission to do what you want to do. What you want to do is drop the case. You know all the reasons why you should NOT drop the case. One reason that you did not mention is that you are your daughter’s everything. You are her protector. She trust you to take care care of HER. Not to feed more drugs to her father.
No way should you drop the case. Sounds like the stimulus check would be used for drugs too. If you drop it all you are doing is enabling him to hurt you and your daughter more. Don’t be a victim. He is trying to wear you down with his constant calls and pleas. Typical action on an addict.
Do not drop the case! How dare him think he doesn’t have to help support his child. I’m sick of hearing about dead beat Dads (or as I like to call them sperm donors).
You drop it you cant reopen it. It’s his obligation to support his child. Not his parents.
He should make better choices. Dont let him make you feel bad. It is his job to support his children.
Do not drop. This man needs to know how to grow up. It will actually be helping him in the long run. Tough love
I wouldn’t drop it. He could have been making small payments or even helping you. But he isn’t. She deserves the support.
He will not get it in any circumstance. The funds will eventually be disbursed to CSR. If welfare funds are being paid out then they will take it to repay and you will not see it. If you receive cs thru them, they will forward those funds to you. My ex is 70, the kids are 30-40. I get $28 twice a month (tho he still works FT for the city of Chicago) in back support of 50k in arrears I just got it this week. Fact!!! Those boys did not do without a thing. I did…
DEFINITELY DO NOT DROP THE CHILD SUPPORT CASE!!! You need that money to help support her. You said that he is on drugs & hasn’t worked in years. You know he will just spend that stimulus check on drugs. If you are feeling guilty about this, just ask yourself this question. Are you going to give him that money & help him buy more drugs, or are you going to keep it & spend it on the little girl that deserves to have that money spent on her? If you think about it, I am sure that as the good mother you must be; you will come to the right decision without any guilt.
He started the problems when he didn’t help support his own child. You reap what you sow. His problem, not yours.