My husband and I have been married for 7 1/2 years. We have had issues in our marriage since day one. Issues from him talking/ texting other women inappropriately, even sending pictures and exchanging “I love you” to not helping me with kids or anything in the house. He literally does any and everything he wants to do without question while I’m of course at home with all the kids (4) alone.
We separated for about 10 months, December 2019 til October 2020. During this separation he made my life a living hell for the first few months. He was causing problems with my job showing up and acting out, showing up at my house. Long story short I had to get an order of protection.
After things calmed down, I was actually happy! I would spend most of my time taking the kids to the lake and just enjoying life. I was healthier both mentally and physically. I had a sense of freedom from the hold he had on me.
We eventually started talking a little and having lunch with the kids together. The more we talked, the more we wanted to work on our marriage so we decided to give things another try.
Things were great! He helped me all the time with things around the house and the kids, we always spent time together and things were better than ever before but it didn’t last long.
Gradually he started going back to his old ways. Not helping me with anything in the house or the kids, staying out all night with friends, sleeping all day or laying in bed when he was off work. I talked to him and voiced my concerns but nothing changed. Well this past weekend was my last straw. Three of the kids and myself were all sick with some type of stomach bug but he seemed to not care at all. I was still left to take care of all the kids and myself while he was out and about doing his own thing. He was pretty much gone all day hunting and fishing and living the life with his brothers. Matter of fact he didn’t come home until 4am the next day!! Every time I asked him for help that day all he would say is “take the kids to my mom, I have things to do”.
By Sunday I was so fed up, I told him I wanted a divorce. I truly feel things will never change but he can’t seem to understand why I feel this way. He just keeps saying that I can’t make that decision off of one day that he wanted to hang out with his brothers!!
I just feel so done! I miss the happiness I had when we were separated. Of course I’d like for my marriage to work but I feel like things will always be this way.
Any advice is appreciated
Please leave. He was just trying to get you back with no intention of actually changing hence why he helped for a little bit then went back to old ways. There’s literally a laundry list of the reasons why you want a divorce and he doesn’t seem to get it. He acts single so he needs to be single. Please go back to being happy. If he tries to show up at your work call the police and get the order of protection again. There’s no reason for him to behave like that then act like the victim. Be single, and happy again with your kids. You deserve way more then this guy is giving you. Especially when you were sick like are you f-ing kidding me? Not only are your kids sick, but so are you, and you still have to take care of the house? Girl, no. There is someone out there that will go above and beyond for you girl. Be single until you find him.
Oh honey, they don’t change! Go back to your happy place, being single and taking care of yourself and your kids! You’re already doing it anyway. Hes just in your way!
The thing is, this isn’t just an issue based off of one day. This has been an ongoing issue from the beginning. With him “changing” for that small moment, he’ll never fully change. It shouldn’t be a small moment of change. It should be a permanent change. I say stick to your words and get a divorce.
You have already given many chances and it hasn’t changed. I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s gonna work . Better to leave than to put the kids thru that situation over and over and YOURSELF.
File for custody and child support and don’t go back. He wont change and only changed for alittle while to get you back. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.
You literally already know what to do I hate divorce it’s ugly and this generation doesn’t seem to understand the concept of fixing issues. You cant fix something if you are the only one working at the problem. Best of luck to you and your babies.
Three strikes your out and I think hes reached that limit many times. You were happier without him you can be happy again without him Move on and live your best years being happy and your kids will be happier too
Let me tell you something lol. The hardest part is not coming back. You’ll always have the kids and should coparent but anything other than that don’t do it girl. I did the same crap and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I also have 4 kids. Find yourself for those babies and be happy for them
Girl run he ain’t never gonna change his cheating and he doesn’t care about you or the kids come on girl run run run find someone else who deserve you. You wasted so much time ugh you should already know what to do you don’t need advice
Not a good marriage. I ended one 2 years ago for this exact reason…except his parents didnt help me nor did mine. Mine did t help bc they have passed, but his lived NEXTDOOR and didnt even come to visit. So yeah. Get out.
First of all why would you ever tolerate a man that text and send pictures and says I love you to other women??? He obviously doesn’t truly love you I would get rid of his ass and be happy:heart:
He didn’t change babe he covered his behavior and acted better to get back in your house. Then the real him came back out. It’s manipulation 101. Get rid of that man and live your full happy life the way you deserve too. And if you end up stressed out and doing it all alone guess what you already were so it’s no different other then a 160+ weight loss of pure garbage!!! You deserve to be happy for you and your kids.
Narcissist alert. One of my old friends was going through a divorce in 2018. His wife cheated on him, they have 2 kids together and been married like 20 years. Long story short. He didn’t get a divorce he said to me “its cheaper to keep’er”.
Men will seperate, make your life hell,try to take kids away ( when they’re immature and petty),they will watch like a hawk from a distance while in the comforting arms of your Replacement -the person they left you for while strategizing ways to screw you over but the moment they see you happy, better, prettier,healthier,smiling with friends and with someone else they wanna come back and sing the best songs. They tell you everything they wanna hear but they’re still the same. Eventually things revert to how they were. Sometimes its better to stay alone but happy. Fuck the “Oh but for the kids” crap because for the kids you have to think about you.
You gotta be with someone that wont do shit behind your back and call people or be with people behind your back. You have to be with someone that loves you to your face but fiercely loves you more when you’re not looking. You wanna be with someone that doesn’t ignore you. Someone that appreciates you and wants you and values you
If he’s not seeing a professional he should. Maybe both of you should! It’s so easy to fall back into bad habits when there’s no one to hold you accountable and question you (that isn’t your spouse). Maybe it’s time for professional help.
and if that doesn’t work and you’re still done at least you can say you tried, because at that point you will have tried everything. The actual growth is up to him and how bad he wants it.
Girl I did that s**t with a man for 10 years. I finally figured out after having his baby that I can’t raise a man and a child. I threw his a$$ out and NEVER looked back. I’m now about to marry a MAN who helps me, supports me, only ever stays out when he’s working late, calls to tell me when he’ll be home and does ANYTHING I ask if I’m overwhelmed with the house. Yes I have to ask sometimes, but that’s because he’s busy too and wants to relax as much as the next person but he will drop everything to make sure I’m okay. Get out!!! Be alone and happy. And let the universe send you your soul mate
Ma’am I believe you already answered your question. Also, you didn’t wake up and choose your happiness one day… you fought for it with him and you mourned your relationship’s end along the way. Lastly, there’s a 98% chance that you will continue to get the same results if you stay. I wish you the best.
He won’t change. He may try for a short while, but old habits die hard. That includes other women. Drop the lead weight of this marriage. You and the children will be happier. It will be freeing mentally and emotionally. Praying for you:pray:t2:
Yes. Leave, and never go back. He’s the type of person that talks the talk but won’t walk the walk. You can’t change him. He sounds like a narcissist definitely leave.
Do what best for you and ur kids . Trust your instincts and get a A divorce he’s never going to change only for a little bit period of time action speak louder than words
He sounds selfish to me. And the little while “things were great” after you had broken up is called love bombing. Might be a narcissist. If things haven’t changed then what makes you stay?
If you were truly happy when y’all were separated and he is doing what he wants then quit tracking him down and quit worrying about him. you and the kids go do what y’all were doing when you two were separated
You already know your answer… if you have boy children… my thoughts… do you want them growing up thinking they can grow up to be men like him… if young ladies… do you want them feeling they have to settle??? You’ve the answer… biggest hugs
You said it yourself. You were so much happier when you were separated. Just because your separated or divorced doesn’t mean you don’t love that person or can’t be friends with them. For your health and happiness be selfish. Choose you
He feels that way bc he’s not the one being mistreated. In his world everything is fine and that was just one day. In your world it’s a pattern that won’t change. I think you should listen to yourself. You know what’s right for you. He’s going to make every excuse even attempting to reduce your unhappiness with him to one day when you know that’s not true.
You already answered your own question… “I miss the happiness I had when we were separated.” And you can tell him it’s not about 1 thing but about a lot of things.plan n prepare. Prepare things with your boss… kids school… let the school know you are the only one to pick them up not Dad. Get their birth certificates. Marriage license. All your important papers. Phone n charger. Write down important numbers. Pack suitcases. You tried but ultimately it was him that broke it. Don’t go back again. You n the kids deserve better
Woa i would have been done with that guy in the first part of reading. If u was feeling great when he was gone and u was able to manage shit u can do it Girl … Kids grow up and understand in the end. Just work it out and be like this aint the marriage u deserve so its better being separated and doing things as a partnership for the kids but going of with separated life’s. But then again im petty much single since 12 years after my first marriage. But im tired of making compromises and before I have a lazy bum on my couch to call my husband but we aint good for eachother then I rather be selfish and live for me. And that dieing alone we all afraid of is nonsense either … its how u live life and take care of those babies that matter. Not sure if u wanna grow old with a done relationship u was holding on to and yall past 60 sleeping unhappy in 2 bedrooms cause u tought u was gonna make it work.
Leave and do not slip back. You are right, he isn’t going to change. You and your children are better off with you 2 being a happily divorced couple, rather then an unhappy married couple.
I think you already know the answer. Stick with your decision and go be happy! You’re teaching your kids what a family shouldn’t be like. Kids will adjust. They will be fine. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. Good luck! You got this!
Why would you marry someone you had problems with since day 1 it’s obvious after 7.5 years, run awayyyyyyy go be happy you’ve suffered enough. Life is too short
I thought you were talking about my ex husband in this post. Every single thing is what he did! I left for good 3 years ago and have never been better in my life- spiritually, mentally, financially, all of it….everything is better in my life. EVERYTHING
My advice to you is don’t waste anymore " years" of your life! I did that ONCE and when I finally got a divorce I was content in my life- he’s a very selfish person, time to tell him to KICK ROCKS and be done
I don’t think your seeking advice as much as approval . You already know why, how, and what to do. Go be happy girl. Get that divorce and throw a celebration!!
Leave and be happy. You and your kids deserve better! They do not need to see this unhealthy relationship for the next 10 years! You being happy is important for all of you!
Definitely divorce him, in a marriage your suppose to have a sense of comfort & understanding, communication. And he doesn’t seem to have any of that, & he’s mentally draining you well you are dealing with your children.
Just leave! You did your part and gave him another chance but you don’t want to be posting this again 5 yrs down the road. You can’t keep searching for happiness in the same place you lost it.
Noone changes! Point blank!! You hope and pray they will and they may for a short time to earn ur trust again but it’s an endless cycle!!! Go back to being happy alone with just the kids! You don’t need another half to make a whole…sometimes ur better off.
And remember this affects your kids also…they learn to walk in their parents shoes and this will.follow them to their own relationships…and you don’t want that!
Divorce him. He reeled you back in with lies. And honestly it sounds you’re not basing it off one day, that one day was just your breaking point. It sounds like you were much happier with just your kids
After 7+ years of marriage and he’s still doing this type of shit CONSISTENTLY… Without a worry in the world about how it affects you all and even worse! Not caring for you guys when you were under the weather… That should tell you the little dick energy/caliber he possesses. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. You’ll always be in limbo… Not know where you stand. You’ll be inevitably showing the kids that this is a “normal” type of relationship and they can in turn eventually do the same with their own partners/life. This “man”:… If you can call it that… Has no gall to actually BE A MAN. He’s got Peter Pan Syndrome and if he gave a F about you and the kids, he would have done a total 180. The fact he’s entertaining other perras without a regard to the FACT HE IS MARRIED… That should tell you what and how he feels about you. Which is nothing. A man that loves and protects what he’s got, doesn’t do this. What are you waiting for? Get the hell out of this situation ASAP & redo your life! Fight like hell for yourself and your kids! We only live once and may as well live and fight hard for the life YOU ALL DESERVE.
I myself am separated and struggle with this as well. He is trying but how do I know he won’t go back to the way he was! Only you can answer the questions you have! It’s hard either way. Hugs.
If your gut says it won’t change and you were happier separated, then you know the answer on what needs to happen. You’re kids won’t be healthy if you’re not happy. Eventually it’ll have an effect on them
I hate divorce it’s ugly and this generation doesn’t seem to understand the concept of fixing issues. You cant fix something if you are the only one working at the problem. 
i would have been done with that guy in the first part 
it’s obvious after 7.5 years, run awayyyyyyy go be happy you’ve suffered enough. Life is too short
without a regard to the FACT HE IS MARRIED… That should tell you what and how he feels about you. Which is nothing. A man that loves and protects what he’s got, doesn’t do this. What are you waiting for? Get the hell out of this situation ASAP & redo your life! Fight like hell for yourself and your kids! We only live once and may as well live and fight hard for the life YOU ALL DESERVE.