Don’t waste anymore of your time. You need to leave so your kids know what is/isn’t a healthy relationship.
4 Likes
He sounds narcissistic just go be happy, his friends can have him
3 Likes
No advice but my gut hurt reading this remembering how it feels to just be home while they are doing whatever, not with the kids and out for days even not even checking in and how it feels to just be so worried all the time about what another person is doing. It takes away from your own happiness and does affect your attitude with the kids, friends and even family - That sense of relief you talk about when you could finally let go and live your own life…there is nothing like it!!! Ok…maybe some advice…more of that feeling…you deserve it and know what to do!!
3 Likes
Life only comes around once…you deserve to be happy❤
He wont change, only enough to get u to take the bait. I went through similar but worse situation with my ex husband. 16 years wasted on a boy. Run girl run. As fast and far as you can.
2 Likes
A leopards spots never change! They may fade on the sunny, bright days but they will always be there
3 Likes
Ummm okay… his actions SPEAK LOUD…
The fact that he went out to hang out with his brothers and go fishing and camping with all three kids were sick and YOU… 
One kid that is sick is hard to take care of let alone three… then sick on top of that. Yes you can make a decision based on one day, because that day he made a decision to NOT a help and LEAVE. Who does that??? I mean really your kids are sick your wife is sick but I’m gonna go fishing 
Look darn good and well this isn’t going to work out the way you want it to. So you basically have two choices,
suck it up, lie to yourself and believe that he’s going to change someday but in the meantime doing everything yourself all while arguing and dealing with his BS. Or
Kick him out again, put your kids & ur self first. And live peacefully again. ( but you’re gonna have to go through that living hell for a couple months AGAIN)
Leave and this time stay gone. It’s not going to change and now he knows he can sweet-talk you into letting your guard down.
1 Like
A marriage is sickness and in health and he doesn’t see. To help you in either. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Sounds to me he only changed a little to win you back. Divorce him and become the healthier version of yourself when you left him before.
5 Likes
You said it yourself… the time you were without him you were happiest… You felt free from his hold… Why stay? To stress yourself out? Leave… don’t keep yourself in such a stressful situation
4 Likes
Leave ,He is dont going to change.
Get ur happy peaceful life back
U know what to do
1 Like
You gave him a second chance to be a better husband and father and he’s proven once again he’s not. Dump him and go live your life!
4 Likes
If he wanted to change to keep you he would have a long time ago. He’s not going to change. He will continue to change for a little while just to suck you back in. Leave him and live your life with your kids.
Been there, done that.
This is narcissistic behavior. He feels in control when he controls his household. Unless he sees an error in his ways and gets serious therapy (most narcissists won’t) he’s not worth staying with because he won’t change.
Start the divorce now. He will again make your life a living hell but the sooner you start the sooner it will end.
Document EVERYTHING and anything. Get a nanny cam, etc.
4 Likes
I say leave. Not healthy for you or kids leave
1 Like
Leave you’re not getting any younger mama. Life’s to short to be unhappy.
2 Likes
Ask yourself if you can live without him…not financially but emotionally…even if he starts dating other women. If the answer is yes, it’s time to move on! If the answer is no, or your not sure, consider counseling…both together & separately but my advice would to be SURE…for your sake and the children 
I think you already know the answer, and I think all of us here support it 100%
Leave! Your happiness and safety and peace means more!!
6 Likes
He will not change! Leave and live your peaceful life. Sounds like you’re doing it all by yourself anyway. Leaving will be better for you and the kids. Selfish prick he is!
He will clearly never change becsuse he doesn’t think hes doing anything wrong. Hes selfish. You gave it a good shot. Many chances. You don’t need to stay with someone who makes you this unhappy.
1 Like
Obviously he can change if he’s done it in the past… but clearly doesn’t give a crap about the life you want for you and your kids…get rid of him and start living your life again!!! You got this mama! 
He understands. Trust me. He understands. What he doesn’t do is actually care about WHY you feel the way you feel. He wants to be able to go back to the marriage that HE was happy in. The one where he had no responsibility regarding whether or not the marriage works for you, because it works for him. It’s the pattern of a narcissist and everything you’ve written is straight out of a textbook narcissism.
If he isn’t making an honest effort to make you as happy as he wants to be, that’s not love. It’s not how marriage is supposed to be, and it’s not what you want your kids growing up thinking that it is.
2 Likes
Get out, do not go back
1 Like
Don’t pressure yourself to stay in any relationship that doesn’t serve you. If it is out of alignment and leaving you drained, then it’s ok to walk away. Reciprocity is so important in all our relationships. Go take care of you and find joy again. 
1 Like
Leave now, otherwise your kids may see this as acceptable behaviour from a partner in a relationship. Lead by example!..and all will be better for it!
1 Like
That’s the problem and the trap I fell into one too many times thinking they will change hundred percent of the time you have to take things to the extreme they will change for a little bit and then go back to their Ways, this is a guarantee.
Has he stopped talking to other women?
Some “guy time” once in a while is perfectly OK as long as he’s not needed at home, but not helping out around the house is a huge deal, you and only you know your threshold.
Honey, you answer your own question here.
Move on it’s obvious things aren’t going to change and he’s unconcerned with your feelings, as well as caring for you and your kids! You deserve to be happy and have a enjoyable happy life and eventually find a worthy relationship! Divorce him and don’t look back!
He doesn’t care about you or the kids. Believe him. Cut your losses.
Run fast and never never take him back what does it take
read what you wrote, And how you were happier after all the shit was done, without him…you have your answer
Do what you feel is best for you and your kids …but personally I would would leave Cuz it’s possibly not going to get any better and to show him you are serious you can’t keep going back and forth it’s not good for you or the kids… all the best on your decision
3 Likes
Ok, he lies around and lets you do all the work, always goes out to play without you and the kids, sleeps around with other women, lies to your face, insults you, doesn’t even interact with his own kids, harassed you AT WORK! You had to get a restraining order!! He stays out until all hours of the day and night, and you were so much happier on your own. And you wonder if you should get a divorce? Hope he has a job and you can garnish his wages for child support. And I’d suggest another restraining order, supervised visits only with the kids and preferably in the courthouse. He probably won’t show up anyway.
Does he or his family have money to pay for a lawyer? A good lawyer? Get a good lawyer in case he wants to be an a-hole. Get as much evidence of his behavior recorded to use in court and keep a journal of his actions with dates and times. Make copies to send to someone trustworthy. Take out money & put it in a separate account if you have anything held jointly. Contact a women’s shelter to get info on how to leave safely, since he harassed you before.
Hope your new life is peaceful and enjoyable.
2 Likes
I think you answered your own question now you just need to do it
2 Likes
You and your kids deserve so much more than that, and you definitely deserve to be happy! Four kids is plenty you don’t need a man child to!
To me it sounds like you already know what you need to do and you’ve already made your decision I don’t really even know what I can tell you for advice, except pack and run fast!
Or better yet pack his stuff and put it out in the yard!
1 Like
You answered your own question, follow your happiness
1 Like
Let his abusive, sorry ass go!
You have to ask yourself why you are putting up with his behavior and if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. If not get out.
1 Like
You don’t have any issues but your husband does and he is a jerk . Don’t live your life that way . Your better off without him than with him . Find your happiness and get out .
1 Like
Why do people even ask questions like this? You already know your answer
5 Likes
it’s called divorce the jackass and take him to court for every damn penny you can get. he never loved you and was never committed to you.
Honestly I loved hearing how happy and free you felt when separated. It made me sad to read how the sadness and everything returned when he did. That I think is a major sign it’s over.
6 Likes
From one divorcee I STRONGLY SUGGEST getting a divorce. It’s possibly just what you need to be happy
1 Like
You were married and living together, you weren’t happy with how things were. You separated and you were happy and spending quality time with your kids. You get back together to try to work at your marriage, he’s now worse than he was before. Divorce him and move on and be happy with your life, you and your kids deserve better than this life with him!
3 Likes
Lifes too short, be happy! Your children will be much happier also
2 Likes
He’s making it obvious he doesn’t truly love you. You’d be much happier without him. Sounds like a typical selfish narcissistic.
4 Likes
Do Not look back… You and those kids come first.
1 Like
Leave him. He won’t change.
But yet you went back… which told him he could keep doing it and you’d stay with him.
Get a divorce and move on
1 Like
I’m sorry you are going through this ending a marriage is a big thing but you only live one life don’t waste it being unhappy 
1 Like
leave his ass!
Just get divorced already
2 Likes
I think you already know the answer to this.
3 Likes
Do whats best for u and ur kids not him…a happy and healthy mom means the kids r better cared for and r happy as well…if leaving him gives u that do so dont let him dictate what u can and cant do
Young one - seek happiness and peace. He sounds like a man size spoiled brat - you’ve tried - you have to realize he isn’t going to change. His priorities are askew- also sweetie all humans can pretend for a time But we tend to run true to form eventually. You should think about getting all your ducks in a row and go be happy. Besides all this,remember, your children are watching and learning everything. 
8 Likes
Happiness over everything.
3 Likes
He ain’t gonna change. File for custody of the kids now and file for divorce
4 Likes
You said it all think you know the answer
1 Like
Get out while u can… He sounds lime a narsaccist
2 Likes
Trust me. Been there done that. The only things I regret were 1. Staying so long when I knew it was toxic. And 2. Having him show me time and time again exactly who he was and making excuses that he couldn’t really be that bad. He is. He is that bad. And you know he is. Do not choose to be miserable for a minute longer because you know he will not change. File and be happy without that toxic man.
3 Likes
You answered your own question.
3 Likes
He sounds self centered to me. And when your in a marriage with children on top of it you ain’t got time to be self center I am married and have 3 kids a special needs almost 10 yr old who is non verbal and can’t walk sit up so he’s wheel chair bound. I also have a 7 yr old (almost ) daughter and a almost 1 and 1/2 yr old little boy so I’m a stay at home mom but my husband still helps me around the house even though he works 8 hours a day 5 days a week and he still helps with kids the only thing he does not help with is getting kids dressed and ready for school and off to school but that’s no fault of his own bc he’s already at work all I’m saying is it’s not all about him!!! It’s about you to and he needs to realize that and if he can’t you need to leave then you can tell him well I’m already playing both parental roles anyways bc you don’t wanna help so what’s the point in having you!
They will.
He’s not consistent ENOUGH!
Took 10 months to feel so liberated (bc the first few were h3ll).
I say truly think about it (sleep on it for a month or so) then gather yourself LIKE BEFORE and bounce baby .
Good luck and much prayer😘
You should have divorced him years ago. Don’t take anymore crap. Divorce him and move on with your life. Be happy
Why are you asking? Do you need permission? You said it, you were happier with him gone. You are only a doormat as long as you allow yourself to be.
6 Likes
Dump him. He’s a leech and doesn’t deserve your attention.
Hon, you’re wasting your years on him. Do what makes you and your children happy. I wasted so many years on a man and I regret it every day.
I’d ask him to take himself to his mother’s. You gave it a fair shot. Let him know your decision wasn’t made on one day, that your really not happy and need to move on for your own mental health.
1 Like
It sounds like YOU were the only one in that marriage. Hindsight is 20/20. Move on and this time BE DONE. When you leave this time, the craziness might start all over again. So you really put yourself back at square one. Just know this, he’s NOT going to change. He put on a facade to get you back.
Get the divorce and live a peaceful life without having to put up with this. Not to mention it is a bad example for your kids they know what is going on
Have him read this, maybe he will get a clue.
1 Like
Your happiness is very very important When you are happy & are able to love yourself, you have enough energy & love to give to others especially your children. When someone is toxic & does not help you grow … no matter how much it hurts, you have to find the strength and courage to let go:heart: I hope you choose your own happiness … for the sake of your own sanity and for your children
You & your kids are better off without him. Is this the example you want to show your kids of what a woman/mother/wife should accept & how a relationship works?
Show him this message that you have just written to us. That’ll show him how you feel and that it’s not about 1 day out! X
1 Like
You’re already doing it all without him - he is just an annoyance in your life that you don’t need.
You just have to get your get your head around the fact that he is not your happily ever after because he is causing you pain on a regular basis.
Would you tell a friend to stay with someone like that?
Your married to a narcissist. Get out for good hun. He will NEVER change.
3 Likes
You sound like you have already made your decision and he is trying to talk you out of it. Don’t let him talk you out of it as you are right things will never change
2 Likes
Don’t waste your years on him. Move on. You already experienced how much more happy you were without him. I would definitely separate again, get the divorce and move on. I’ve been there. For years, trying, trying & asking for help. The drinking and partying didn’t stop. I got sooo depressed that I ended up having to see a psychologist and psychiatrist from the depression I developed . It even triggered my lupus. I finally decided to leave him and let me tell you it was the best decision I ever made. At first he would make things hell for me but it wore off after like a year. I’m with someone who actually helps me with the kids, with the cleaning, takes care of me when I’m sick. I’m happier. A lot happier. Take your chance girl. do it for you, your happiness, your mental health , & your kids. It’ll be worth it in the end.
6 Likes
Think you really know your answer. It is ok to go.
3 Likes
You don’t have a husband you’re the only one in the marriage get out
4 Likes
Girl, I think you know the answer. You deserve respect and happiness.
4 Likes
I feel like you already know what you wanna do and you should ABSOLUTELY do it. You and your kids happiness should always be a priority and if your husband doesn’t wanna be a happy family together and do what it takes to make that happen, then girl, get your happiness back without him. And don’t take him back next time without seeing a real effort on his part and make him prove it for how ever long it takes for you to actually believe him with his ACTIONS, NOT WORDS!! You got this mama!!
4 Likes
Stupid runs in so many different directions I just can’t Phantom what you just said about on and off again
Time to paint a NEW picture
1 Like
GET out and stay out…you can make that decision based on 1 action and honestly it doesn’t sound like it was 1 action it was jsut that day that pushed you over the edge. Go back to being single with kiddos…you were happy, you felt happy, you felt free…and never look back.
1 Like
I was married 2 a sociopath who did the same thing. When his life tanked after we separated he made all kinds of promises. Kept them 4 a short few months but once i discovered what all he was hiding from me it was right back 2 the usual nonsense. I also got a protection from abuse order bcuz I couldn’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I have never been happier than I am without him. Been going on 4 years now n it just keeps getting better. If they don’t want 2 b a husband then let them b single.
2 Likes
Sooo what’s the question? Lol you already know your answer. You have already decided that you’re gunna leave his miserable ass, and we all whole heartedly agree. It’s time to throw out the trash.
I read something once. It is true. “Everytime you forgive him he loves you more and you love him less. In the end, after you’ve forgiven him over and over he’ll love you the most, but you won’t love him.” I feel like you needed to hear that. Leave him. Stay away from him. I’d have left after him telling other women he loves them but hey, that’s me.
5 Likes
U know what u need to do… he will not change… find ur peace alone… lifes too short
6 Likes
No, you gave him another chance and he didn’t change. You owe him nothing and it definitely was a sign that you were happier without him, especially in such a short time span (no judgement, I’m actually excited as heck for you to get out of this). Go enjoy your life without him!
3 Likes
Get out and file a divorce, you gave him a second chance. He blew it while you’re committed faithful wife and mother. He doesn’t know what is commitment to marriage, that he’s doing opposite as a single man. He’s jackass!!!
I can’t understand why you went back. You should make a clean break this time.
3 Likes
Your kids won’t be happy if you’re not….take back your life
2 Likes
He will keep treating you how you let him.
2 Likes
Oh god ! Leave and move on ! What a waste of your and your children’s life! There are some beautiful men out there stop wasting your time with him
3 Likes
You know the answer
Take his ass to court. And get alimony.
To the curb. Quit wasting your time. He’s not gonna change
1 Like
They never change. You will wind up hating him if you don’t get away from him
3 Likes