Don’t know about the rest of the stuff, but they can vacation when they please. Lots of families miss 1st birthdays. I would not, but a lot do.
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I think you’re being a bit dramatic…
Just enjoy your babies… if they didn’t come to the birthday party that’s on them to live with.
I can see a divorce coming if this is all it takes to trigger you.
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You sound very selfish. Those are your kids, its your priority to keep them happy and enjoy your time with them. Your in laws may also have had those trips planned way before your husband was even an adult. They did their duty in raising him to be a good husband to you. Just be thankful and count your blessings. Let them live their retirement in peace and however they Choose to. Good luck as one day you too will get to their age and understand them.
All I can say is don’t go nowhere you’re not wanted, and don’t invite yourself to anything. Do you and your family, that’s all that matters.
Stop trying to control the situation, you’re running yourself ragged! Concentrate on your family!
You are over reacting. You are not the center of everyone’s world… your husband is not the center of everyone’s world, it’s not all about you… you only have one child that is only age 1, do not judge what you don’t know 
my ass takes vacations w/o insurance because it’s cheaper 
. girl chill out. at least the father was there for the birth and not on vacation with them. there will be many more birthdays to come, it’ll be okay.
All I’m going to say is, I’m sorry they hurt you like that!
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Don’t waste time on them. Not worth your worry
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That’s not fair to the children you guys adult issues shouldn’t be brought upon the kiddos in my opinion no disrespect folks are allowed to live their life and not feel obligated to do something others want to them to do in my opinion that’s a conversation for your husband to have with his parents when it comes to their relationship you just be there for moral support
That only tells you how they feel about you. Actions speak louder than words. Don’t force someone to be in your lives, if it clearly shows, they don’t want to be in it.
You can’t ask or beg someone to be apart of your life. Just spend the quality time with the ones who do make you a priority and show up when invited. People will show you who they are and how much they care about you, believe them and let it go.
Don’t ever stress about others spending time with you. If they wanted to, they would. It’s their loss pure and simple. Let them be and show your kids what real love looks like.
Family is toxic. Keep your kids distanced. Withdraw from the drama now. Cause it only gets worse. Been there…still dealing with the toxic bull shart and my baby is a sophomore in college.
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I think you’re dramatic and will make sure to do your best to intensify any small rift into a chasm. Let them old folks go have their vacation and let your kid smash cake that he won’t even remember except through pictures many years from now. Why don’t you reschedule the one-year-old‘s birthday party if it’s that important to you? Slack up on your rules a bit and let people just develop their relationships naturally. Everyone around you will be a lot happier and hopefully so will you.
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To be honest parents do you pick favorites I am the 5th of five children tending to my nana who’s 90 years old my mother’s mom and she calls my brother and my sister everyday calls me only if something’s wrong or she wants to once a month checking on her mother
Oooof…it’s a first birthday. Asking someone to reschedule a whole ass vacation for an arbitrary celebration is a bit much. 9 times out of 10 I ask everyone when they’re available for a party and do my kids birthday on that day vs their actual birthday. Don’t be so self centered. Were you an only child?
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There are those people who will tell you:
Family is Family.
THAT. IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
I will tell you:
TOXIC IS TOXIC.
You don’t need these assholes in your life.
Let them be.
LIVE YOUR LIFE.
We cut off so many people.
We are our own little island. We have GREAT friends. Who we call Family. We are Aunt/ uncle/ cousins to our friends/ their kids.
We love each other.
We like each other.
We take care of each other.
We choose to spend time together.
Everyone is happy.
We DONT do drama.
Our friends/ us come from TOXIC families.
So we all choose to NOT allow these people in our lives.
If someone hurts you…repeatedly…
why allow that to keep happening ?
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You sound like a real peach to be around 
. Maybe they don’t like YOU? Can’t say I blame them. You sound like a spoiled entitled brat.
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I feel like you’re over reacting. Not only that it’s not your job to make sure someone is involved in your child’s life.
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You’re all adults but some don’t behave like it - read that again . His parents are free to do what they like without your say so . Most mothers and daughters hang out together , it’s natural . Why is’nt your hubby telling HIS parents that he’s unhappy with the status quo . A first b’day is not a big deal to some as the child does’nt even know what’s going on . There will always be jealousy over g’parents and g’kids . Again , it’s natural . Be an adult and just talk CALMLY about it without all the drama .
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You blame them but Why couldn’t you have the party another day or just celebrate another day with them. Birthdays don’t have to be on the exact birth day. My mom had vacation the week of my daughters 2nd birthday, so we celebrated the week before she was away. If you really want them involved we all make compromises too.
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It is what it is. It’s only their first birthday so they aren’t going to remember who was there anyways. Just remember that they are the ones missing out, it’s not worth getting upset over their decisions, and move on.
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You’ll miss that man and woman when they’re gone, get over it or you’ll regret how you feel someday.
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Everyone bashing her… They couldn’t plan it differently when the grandparents didn’t even tell them and knowing that was around his birthday… My father didn’t go on any trips wo telling me. And to have consideration and respect for their daughter but not their son… She is grown that’s why she put it on here to get feedback as to how she should handle it… All everyone is paying attention to is she told them to cancel their plans… Geeze people just like jumping and putting people down…and then she at the end of her pregnancy her hormones are going crazy and shits affecting her differently rn… It maybe wouldn’t even bother that much if she weren’t pregnant…
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Your kid is not the center of everyone’s world 🤷 it is what it is.
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I did this with my husband grandparents they always loved his dads siblings more and ignored my husband and his siblings never wanted my kids to get attached either…brake contact with them…my kids r better in the long run
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Keeping the kids away from FAMILY is WRONG!!!
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You sound like a 1 year old having a tantrum.
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The best thing you can do is keep your FAMILY together( in my opinion only). Invite them and if they can make it great, if not maybe next time. You do not want your kids growing up in a unhappy divided family. Good luck, keep your chin up(if there is abuse that’s different, of course)
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Ok so are they missing the birth of your child or the 1st birthday ?? Cause you said both and I’m confused ….
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if they don’t wanna be in kids lives it’s on them and not you. if hubby has a big deal with it he should deal with the situation as it’s his parents
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They just had a vacation. They’re entitled to a life if their own. It doesn’t mean they love one child more than the other. That’s not very mature thinking
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Y’all are being so insensitive to this women’s feelings! I would be SO hurt if my child’s grandparents planned a vacation knowing when my child’s birthday was, like they didn’t even ask when you think you’ll have the party before planning it? Sounds to me like they don’t really care at all. which is hurtful, I would stop inviting or offering to go see them until they invite you first.
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Been there done that it’s really sad ,people who haven’t gone through that would never understand chin up ,believe me when I say they are not worth it
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Yes. You are most definitely over reacting. The not telling their son they are going on holiday is a bit bad but not worth banning them from their grandkids lives and kids parties are only fun for the kids and to an extent their parents - noone else is obliged to come.
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Well couple questions, how long did they have this vacation planned? 2. Go talk to them about your issue, not fb
You are over reacting and it sounds like trying to make it all about you. Bottom line? The kid will never remember that birthday. Odds are when they booked that trip they didn’t even remember the date. People are allowed to have a life outside of you and your kids. #notsorry
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I think you’re overreacting. They can celebrate the child’s birthday when they get back. Why would you keep your kids from their grandparents because they went on vacation when you didn’t want them to, I’m sorry but their lives don’t revolve around you.
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They can take a vacation when ever they want without telling you or asking permission. I don’t know anyone who’s had insurance for vacation. You sound exhausting. His poor parents. You never even sed how they treat him and his sister differently, other then they do things with her. Some people just don’t want small kids around everywhere they go and they are allowed to feel that way.
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Birth or birthday? They aren’t the same 
They aren’t entitled to do a damn thing honestly so ya u sound selfish
I wonder what the other side of the story is…
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Grandparents are “graduated parents”(or at least they’re supposed to be). They raised their kids…the part of their lives where other peoples needs and wants take priority is OVER. 30 years from now, you may decide to vacay during a time that your future dil doesn’t approve of…my bet is that you will take it, anyway.
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This should be driven by DH does he want to go NC with his parents? If yes, then do that. If no, then you can let him know he can go visit with them but you won’t be. What is your relationship like with SIL? I would work with her to get the cousins together. The longest relationship we will ever have is with a sibling, hopefully DH and SIL have a good one:+1:t3:
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Stay in your lane. You’re lucky they don’t want to hang around all of the time. It doesn’t matter if they were in town or not your son had both parents present on his birthday, that’s what counts. If they miss out it’s on them.
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I was the 2nd oldest grandchild of 9. I was the 1st girl out of only 2. I was treated like a black sheep by 1 gparent and it made me take it out on the other gparent. They always kissed the ground my oldest cousin walked on but it seemed everything I did wasn’t good enough. I decided when I got pregnant I would not let my son be treated the way I was. My son was the 2nd great grandson and only a few months apart from the 1st. I haven’t refused to let my son meet anyone in my family, but I also do not go out of my way to make anyone be apart of his life. My son is 5 and has not seen my grandma since he was around 10 months old because I immediately noticed that he was being treated differently and she never reaches out, so I dont either. It doesn’t affect us because I would rather my son not go through anything like that. For example, they had pictures upon pictures of the 1st great grand everywhere but very very little of my son.
In your situation, being they are inlaws, I just wouldn’t reach out anymore. Dont waste your time trying to get their attention and time for your little one. The 2nd born seems to always get treated differently than the 1st… Stop “begging” them to be apart of important functions. Simply invite and let them know and leave the rest up to them. Your husband should also support your decisions being they are his parents. I hope things get better for you.
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Put your foot down and set boundaries and I’d they don’t follow them cut them out.
Wow. How very selfish to expect people to live their lives around you and your children. When they come back from vacation that picture can be taken. Get over yourselves
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Cut ties. Best thing I ever did.
Grandparents have raised their children and now can live their own lives WITHOUT someone trying to make them out to be monsters for taking a vacation.
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Wow I didn’t expect these comments to be so judgemental. If you ask me a good grandparent would definitely not go on vacation when their grandchild was expected to be due, that shows they don’t care and is pretty messed up in my opinion, a vacation can be taken at any time, your grandchild is only born once, I know my parents would NEVER do that
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They didn’t have to tell their son anything you all are grown adults…I can understand being alil upset they missed 1st bday but honestly your taking it alil to far…and your oldest just wants to be around his grandparents and for you to wanna keep him away he may resent you for that…your feelings are valid but your children are innocent in this issue.
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Count ur blessing that they stay away
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So money is everything to them because they wouldn’t reschedule a trip which would probably cause them to lose a lot of money.? And as far as missing birthdays who cares? They did their job and raise their children they Get to have fun now. You should’ve scheduled your sons party a different day if you knew that they were going on vacation and obviously can’t lose that kind of money just to be there at a party.
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Maybe they don’t invite him cuz they don’t want deal w u:thinking:
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Uh… i think your being a bit dramatic.
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They are not hurting your kids because your kids dont know that much unless you’ve told them or discussed negative adult things in front of them… I feel like maybe it’s not the son they dont love, it sounds like it’s you they dont want involved… this sounds more personal then it does about the kids…
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Maybe they know how you’ve always felt and just stays away so it doesn’t cause any problems for their son, you should not stop the grandparents from seeing them, let them know how it is from them, it will hurt your kids less in the long run, as a grandparent, I’m not jumping thru hoops to be apart of any of my adult lives, what’s important to you, isn’t important to them
Definitely over reacting!!
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Do not take your kids away from there grandparents… it will come back to bite you later that’s there choice rather they want to see their grandparents or not it’s not a choice that you should make because let me tell you that was done to me I am a grandma and my grandchildren resent that now that they’re 13 15 years old the parent who was trying to alienate them from us trust me don’t do it and there’s no reason for it just because you’re mad at them or because you don’t agree with what they’re doing… have they ever hurt your children? Are they good to them? Your feelings have nothing to do with your children’s relationship with their grandparents if they are not abusing or hurting your children you have no right to do that
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I think there is more to the story. There is this side, their side and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Sounds like communication is lacking on all sides.
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I think you’re being insanely petty. They raised their children and are free to do as they please now.
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Hey. Yes your being petty. And Jealous much? My mother didn’t come to my wedding reception.
And she went in with sister for both births and not mine. I didn’t give a crap. Grow the bleep up. I have one grandchild I see each week because she wants to see me
The other 15 just call or text or nothing and that’s fine… everyone has things going on
I’m sure this really helps your husband out a lot and he has heard it a thousand times. Give his ears a rest. And grow up.
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You told them to reschedule their vacation 
, well that wouldn’t go over very well with me.
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One) Not your call in reality. It’s your husband’s. Trust and believe do not attempt to step
between, it could easily turn out very badly.
2) Speak highly of them and do not run then down in front of the kids. I know from personal experience that sooner or later they will know the truth, and if they don’t and still love them, then it worked out okay.
3) Ask yourself is it really worth getting upset bc they aren’t there? Look on the bright side, that’s more time you don’t have to share before they grow up!!
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Why didn’t you just reschedule the birthday party till they were back from vacation. Your being petty. It’s not like a kid at that age would know what day their bday is
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Overreacting. There will be more birthdays
You are overreacting. There will be many birthdays that they will get to participate. Don’t remove people over them scheduling a vacation that so happens landed on your sons birthday. They can celebrate a couple days early or after his birthday past. Some of my family members can’t make it because of work, vacation or tournaments with their kids. People have lives to live apart from what is happening in yours. Always take that into consideration when someone doesn’t make it. It is not the end of the world take extra photos on his 2nd birthday with him.
Sometimes our expectations for others to follow our wishes are impractical. Having pictures of grandparents as our children have important celebrations is great. Having grandparents who live close enough to really know your children is a blessing. Don’t make waves that will affect this.
Over reacting. They can celebrate with the child another time. Don’t hurt your children because you’re upset.
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This is crazy. Pictures aren’t that important. They don’t need to replan their lives around you. That’s insanity. You sound incredibly immature. If your husband is ok with it then get over it. You have no concrete examples to prove your point just this is how you feel or what you think it’s like. Feelings aren’t facts. Don’t wreck a relationship with them and your kids because they didn’t get to be in your birthday photo shoot. I would avoid you too. I think you are unreasonable to demand that adults who have lived their own lives are somehow wrong and selfish because they didn’t do what you wanted them to. You are the selfish one. Maybe they spend more time with the daughter because she doesn’t demand anything from them but their presence. Yes you are overreacting.
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It’s their life! They raised their kids. You do not have the right to monopolize their life or their time. And you need to stay out of their relationship with their son.
Wow, you are being overly sensitive, unhappy, and perhaps a bit jelous too. So sad that you are now projecting such negativity onto your little innocent babies, and perhaps your husband too? You are totally wrong, and seem to be ruining family ties, relationships with your way of thinking.
Let them get to know their grandparents. They will resent you for it later. I missed out on getting to know my 6 aunts & uncles, & 26 cousins growing up, because of pettiness. I’m the youngest grandchild, so now that I’m 49, everyone is so much older, & I’ve spent many hours searching for alot of them of FB. I’ve reconnected with my only living aunt & uncle, & some of my cousins, but I am still bitter about not getting to know the rest. I did know my grandparents, & got to visit them sometimes, but not the rest of the family.
If it’s the grandparents who choose not to see your kids, that makes it alittle different. But please don’t be petty & keep them from their family.
Let my kids know them… semi grow with them…
Now older children are 20 16 and younger.
They have seen lived and choosen for themselves.
Try not to let your emotions judge and rule
Such an over reaction. I’d NEVER expect anyone in my family to blow off vacation or anything else for a birthday party. Seriously celebrate before or after. It’s not a big deal.
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Okk… I will also add!
Its your choice!
Personally in my LARGE Maori Family(i am mum of 7 youngest of 6 my mum 1 of 21! Mum and Dad have 40+ grand kids over 10 great grand children)
1st Birthdays are Important! I know! I never missed many! We know to expect it 12 months after birth! My sisters and bros smiles are worth it! They put everything into their new World of parenting! Its part of love support and just being there! Although they never made it to all my kids 1st bdays due to many of life reasons. I dont mind! They would be here if they could.
Just my experience and opinion
Best of luck!
You sound like one stupid selfish witch, why can’t they get on with their life. You talk like their life should revolve around you and yours. Get over yourself.
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I get it but it also sounds like there is more to the inlaws then we know i feel like it’s deeper than the 1st birthday or the birth of the child
Your over reacting a bit. My in-laws went away on holiday when it was our 1st sons first Christmas. And my mother in-law felt awful about it as they had booked it 18 months In advance. But I told her not to worry as we will do photos and face time and lots of other Christmas’s to come. It’s your husbands call TBH and you can’t try and turn your kids against them, it’s unfair of you. Don’t cause waves in the relationship between your kids and their grandparents and your husband and his parents and you may just life to regret it. As long as they aren’t doing anything horrible or putting anyone in danger, then let it lie for the time being. But I do wish you all the luck. We can choose our husbands but not our in-laws I’m afraid. Xx
Lol welcome to parenting, their job is over yours has begun.
Boundaries. Set them if they get broke. Cut them off. We had to do the same. And my mother inlaw loves to jump on the line and see if we will budge. Stay to your boundaries and they will eventually get the picture or just leave them out of your kids life. It’s easy, you are the mom.
I have inlaws that favored there youngest son and his family. Karma is a terrible thing. Years later they want to kmow why my kids dont get excited to see them or call when they are in town. Etc etc. They came around some. But made extra effort towards other grandkids and my kids seen it. I just told my kids its because they know you have good parents and dont need that little extra. Where as there cousins went without so they kinda needed it more. I mean what do u tell your kids. I made up a story that eased both sides. However my kids are grown now they extend invites here and there but dont go over board to make them feel good about there choices either. Best of luck
Yes you’re being dramatic. You didn’t get a picture you wanted, you told them to change their vacation, you don’t like that they didn’t tell your husband about the vacation (yeah they don’t have to check in with you when they make plans btw) you feel like they don’t love your husband as much as his sister, you feel like birthdays are more important…you sound like the problem. You didn’t once mention how your husband feels about it. You have the rest of their lives to take pictures, you can have a cake with them when they get back from vacation. This is what makes them the worst and you’re going to cut them out of your children’s lives? Keep your kids out of this pettiness and let them enjoy their family when they can. You sound like a child throwing a fit
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… This is your problem? This is what makes them horrible? You do not have any place to tell them when they can or can not take their vacation… It’s a birthday… They’ll have a million more🤷 your kids will not forget about their family, they you’re keeping them from. Because you have issues with them. And want them to revolve their life and what they do around you. My kids grandma, has missed countless birthdays. For countless reasons. Or, they only see her on holidays🤷
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They are your husbands parents…. No matter how inconsiderate they are I’m sure he will still love them. I feel your concern and understand stinky in laws, but they are your husbands to deal with. You job is to support your husband. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Sometime we get hurt and don’t think of ways to help instead of getting upset. If your little one was turning one he mostly like didn’t realize which day was his birthday and maybe the party date could have been changed till before or after vacation.
I mean, I’d be upset that they missed my kids party. That’s something I believe family should attend. But I can’t help if they have a vacation. I wouldn’t hold it against them.
How does your husband feel? It will be his feelings that pick the path you go down. They sound selfish and are missing out on your beautiful kids.
Omg if in laws vacationing on my child’s birthday was the only thing I’d have to worry about I’d be throwing a party. Quit the pitty party why me bullshit and move on with your life. You’d be pissed if they told you when you can go on vacation and when you can’t. Get over it there are bigger fish to fry then missed birthdays that they can make up for due to a friggin vacation. Is this post for real?!
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You are overreacting! I won’t go into a whole long post, but I will say if you cut them off from your kids and their son you are only hurting yourself and your family. It will all come back and bite you in the a** in the end.
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Live your life as u please its yur discision keeping family members awaya solve all my problem
Dramatic and selfish…I guess u drove it home to your husband that his parents lived his sister more? U are the problem,sounds like your jealous
This is silly. I have toxic family I’ve cut out of mine & my children’s lives. This ain’t it.
You can’t tell someone to reschedule their vacation because you didn’t send out invites before they scheduled it. Not how that works.
A first birthday party is a big deal to you, but it means absolutely nothing to the kids who will never remember who was there & who wasn’t.
You’re being ridiculous unless there is a hell of a lot more backstory to this that we aren’t getting. Which is possible, but I highly doubt given that you’re focusing on pictures & parties.