If you are not seeing somebody else, I’d be more concerned that he was willing to tell a flat out lie about you. Makes you wonder what else he might do when he doesn’t get his way. Yes, time for him to move out.
No at all you deserve respect and you his mother dont be afraid of him
I’ve been thru this with my older son that was a gem to live with then started verbally abuse my Mother and I….so I’m happy to say he’s out of my life.
Tough Love
I understand why u did what u did but if he is using throwing him on the streets is just going 2 make that usage worse… I would of had him take a drug test and if he was positive I would have told him he needs to go to a rehab or he can’t stay with me anymore… I would have told him I can’t watch u do this to yourself you need to get help and I will stand by and support u but if u don’t u will have to leave and figure ur life out by yourself…
No, you are saving his life, whether he sees it or not.
You set hard limits and he didn’t abide by them.
We done the same with my 26 yr old daughter. You can’t love them to death, just to make your heart feel comfortable.
My daughter will be a year sober next month and is still in sober living because I required a year there before coming back in my house would even be an option.
She now thanks us for the hard decision we had to make
Girl, my mom evicted me, it was the best thing she ever did, her and I have a better relationship 10 years later. You did the right thing, she evicted me because I got married behind her back, and I was playing on moving out anyway.
No you did the right thing
You should feel good. One does not lie on their mama like that. I hope he learns his lesson. . You’re 100% doing the right thing.
No good deed goes unpunished when attempting to help an active drug addict. You’ve done your part
No. Don’t feel bad. You will because you’re his mom. That’s unavoidable. But! He’s a grown ass man that needs to realize there’s consequences to his actions, or lack thereof. Enabling is not helping him. It’s making it worse. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to actually want to change. If he never feels the urgency of not having a job, or at least being somewhat productive, he’ll never have a reason to change.
No…you did the right thing…if he didnt spend his money on drugs then he just blew it on foolish stuff instead of saving it like he promised. You gave him a home now its time he takes care of himself so you can take care of you!
Never turn your back on your kids regardless
I would say a drug test might have been a 1st step. You can get home ones where he has no prep time. You might feel better. Has he only been with you 2.5 months? He might not have money saved. But either way his reaction was completely out of line. Refusing to go and then trying to start trouble for you says all you need to know. He needs to go. He will do nothing but give you problems
That is a common way to lash out with addiction. He should go to a rehab and get straight.
Nope, right thing to do. Look at how he treated you after all you and your husband did for him. He had a little fit and lied about you to your husband. Tell him, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. If you didn’t evict him he probably would never have left.
Exactly the right thing!!
nope don’t feel bad…not at all been there done that…you can not sacrifice the whole for the one
No, he wants to hurt you and your husband. Let him go live with his girlfriend
I disagree with alot & will probably get back lash but he needs help. Don’t throw him out, it could make him turn to worse things. Be there for him, take him doctors, let your thoughts & feelings out but never turn your back.
There’s tough love & there’s a way you can help him. He said some nasty things but in my eyes that was for attention he wants/needs that help. Every1 says things they don’t mean when their angry.
Your a great mum, you have helped but maybe no its time to get professional help. Sending love to you xxx
Nope. He’s being an ass. Let him figure out his own shit. These people don’t get better until THEY are sick of their OWN bs. Sad. But very true.
As a mother you will probably always second guess your decision because he is your son. If his life isn’t turned upside down he probably won’t seek help. I’m just speaking from experience. He is comfortable right now living there so in his mind he has no reason to make changes. Things probably need to get tough for him to even consider help. Relapse happens a lot but it doesn’t mean he will continue. My advice is to let things get uncomfortable for him. You can keep loving him from a far. Try not to let it consume you. Be supportive but don’t be manipulated into the games of an addict. He needs help. I pray he gets it. Try and stay strong, for you and your son.
He’s an adult and it’s time to grow up.
You tried he took advantage boot his ass to the curb!
Cut him off. And for good for lying to ruin your marriage. Crossed the line.
I guarantee he won’t be on the street… His girlfriend will take him in …til she gets tired of him. If. you let him stay…you will enable him to continue and you are not trained to cure addicts. Been there…done that.
Sounds like he needs alot of help .making him homeless could push him over the edge. That’s not me saying you should tolerate his shit either but I couldn’t turn my back on my kids like that .desperate cry for help in my eyes making lies up like that
Probably not going to be popular but I wouldnt have put him out .
Youre probably right that he’s back on the pills but he’s an addict and that happens sometimes. Especially if hes in recovery without support and therapy.
Even without his addiction 3 months isn’t really enough time to put enough past to start again from scratch. …jmo
Time for him to grow up and stand on his own two feet you did the right thing you.mentioned a girlfriend let live with her I’d change the locks though
No way!!- don’t feel guilty one iota! He has taken advantage of your kindness & situation by you telling him he didn’t have to financially contribute so he could put it aside for a place. You let him know from the beginning & is taking the p*ss by saying you have to evict him!- the cheek!the arrogance! And now trying to manipulate the situation by telling lies?!- he has shown his utter disrespect for you & now you must set the boundary! Good on ya mama!!
You did the right thing. Stop enabling him. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself.
31 is WAY too old for this foolishness, you did the right thing
Hell no! He needs to grow up & take responsibility for himself! I personally believe you did right. Telling stories on you. To your husband. sad! Enjoy your life’s. Can’t help those whom don’t help themselves.
Don’t feel bad teach him some life lessons
Absolutely the right thing to do, no helping around the house, time to get out!
Addicts will do whatever to make you or anyone else the bad guy.
No not at all that’s an addictive behavior tell him to give to a treatment centre
No you are doing the right thing.
Please don’t ever feel bad… u have to do right for you for him to get right if he is back on " the pills" people learn from what they no longer have and can become better people. Trust me I know. The more u help the more advantage he will take. If his g/f is sensible has a job and home then he needs to find a place of his own and be right she shouldn’t have to put up with up just like u shouldn’t xx hope everything works out for him.and u all xx
Nope kick his Azz out…tough love is the best love for drunks and druggies
Enabling him doesn’t help him, you absolutely did the right thing. When he decides to get sober again he will see
Been there! It’s been years since he had 5 or 6 chances to get back on his feet! He failed at a marriage and he also talked me into letting him come home- I was always the one who gave in and my husband was always cautious. He didn’t help in any way at home and he was told not to smoke in the house but he did it in his bedroom anyway! He blamed my husband for getting hooked on prescription drugs- which wasn’t true because my husband suffers from chronic back pain and would NEVER give his pain medicines to anyone since he needs them too much. Enough was enough! He was told to leave. We were forced to wash our hands of him! Every now and then he would try to get in touch with us saying he was homeless and stuff. When we decided we would not let him back into our lives he tried to sabotage our relationship with his baby daughter and our former daughter in law. When he knew that we had been seeing our grand daughter he told my husband that he hoped he would die and that he hoped his daughter would die! Needless to say, we are not in any kind of relationship with him and haven’t heard from nor seen him in years. We don’t wish him anything bad- we forgive him and only want what’s best for him. Life has been so much better for us and we have a close and wonderful relationship with his former wife and our beautiful 16 year old grand daughter! You did the right thing no matter what anyone says! Those who have never walked in your shoes don’t get it! We still love him and are very saddened by all of this but we sure sleep better at night!!
He needs to grow up. Kick him out. If he stays there, you are enabling him.
No. He needs to apologize to both of you, say Thank you for your help, pack up and hit the doors to treatment. Detox first then rehab. Trust me I am a 2yr recovering alcoholic, addicts are very “it’s all about me”. Good luck & God Bless…
You had every right to kick him out. He didn’t do any of the things that he said he would. It sounds like he was just walking all over you. The man needs to grow up.
Tough love helps sometimes.
However, I always hated when people would assume I was using again, when I wasn’t.
Give him a drug test.
Nope. You can’t save someone who won’t save themselves.
Don’t feel guilty, my granddaughter moved in with my boyfriend and I and shortly after he moved out moved to Austin but that’s OK we still keep in touch with each other but not too long ago her boyfriend parked on my handicap ramp and I could not get out of the house to go to a doctors appointment and when I asked him to move his car he backhanded me and knocked me out of my powered wheelchair and onto the ground well the back patio anyway I called the cops on her they took her away for one day and then brought her back the boyfriend brought her back but no you’re not wrong do it again if you have to
No you are a great Mother. Don’t let him make you feel bad. He has the problem not you. Remember that is not your problem, it is his problem. There is nothing you can do for him but, PRAY! I know it is hard, but there is nothing else you can do. He took the drugs and matter what, he has to quite doing them.
He’s 31 not 13. Time he grew up. You helped and he took advantage of it. He needs to live with his choices.
I see both sides of it. I think you could have handled things differently and given him and opportunity to prove he was either sober or not by purchasing a urine test at a local pharmacy and having him take it and also regardless of the outcome sitting him down and giving him an opportunity to do better or to come up with a better more sufficient game plan. As a 34 year old that has struggled with addiction in the past; it is not easy…its a disease that has no bias and no conscience and you have to rebuild your life completely over; whatever age he began using drugs is the age that he is mentally/maturity wise. Again; I see both sides. If this is what you needed to do then don’t feel bad but I do think before going that far I would have given my son an opportunity to prove sobriety and try to help guide him in helping save and plan for a future outside of my home. Good luck with all this tho!
I wouldn’t have felt bad . U did the right thing but now that he has a girlfriend maybe move wirh her .
But I mean sounds like he was trying to get his life together maybe the quick shift in situations made him panic
It hurts, but you are doing the right thing x hope he will get better and you won’t have to feel this pain
Tough love momma. You did the right thing.
Lets celbrate good job.
Nope! Stick to it and kick him out. As a parent it’s going to be hard to do that to your own child but unfortunately in a case like this he needs to get a reality check. He obviously had no intentions of getting out in the first place if he had no money saved. Sometimes you have to be tough with your kids even when they’re adults. Hopefully one day he realizes that he’s the one who was wrong and messed up.
You can feel bad but proceed with the eviction. It will only get worse if you back down.
Nope , tough Love. Time to grow up
Have to b cruel to b kind hes 31 grown man not a child so no
hail no - he’s a BUM
I had to kick out my adult daughter because she was doing meth, and abusing painkillers. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It’s now 4 years later, and she thanks me for doing that. She bumped around at a couple of friends houses, and finally hit bottom. She quit and went through hell getting off everything, but she did it. She got a decent job, and worked her way up. She was offered a better job, and is doing quite well now. She is also living with me again. She is an assistant manager where she is, and soon she will become manager. It took a friend telling me I was enabling her, not helping her. She is a joy to be around now, and we have so much fun together. I have my daughter back! While I can’t say the same will happen to your son, you have done the right thing. Sink or swim, it’s up to him now.
Nope. He is grown and took a as advantage of you and your husband.
He’s a 31 year old grown ass man, it becomes a point where he’s just taking advantage of you and your husband and being spiteful because he doesn’t want to take of his diaper. He can move in with his girlfriend with that nasty attitude. Shit if my parents let me stay at their house for 4 months I would be GRATEFUL. Man up, take life head on, he can’t depend on y’all forever. It’s not realistic. Plus this is your time to enjoy your life DONT feel guilty for serving him. You did more than you should have!
Absolutely not!!! Being a parent and helping no matter his age is wonderful, as long as he’s also helping himself! If he’s not abiding by the rules that you set forth then he’s gotta go!!
Well u can’t assume he’s doing pills again, all the things he was doing around the house was before he got a job? What kind of job is it physical maybe he is tired and spending the weekend with gf he’s trying to have a life but it’s only been 3 mths he may not have enough things r very high deposit first and last months rent plus rent is extra high. My 28 yr old lives with me far as housework she doesn’t but keeps her room clean she runs a retail store sometimes she works 15 hr days and she’s whipped out but she also pays some bills here and helps with getting her siblings to and from places. So basically it all depends but far as pills I think ur reaching cause he’s working plus going to the gym (the gym is an outlet ) he’s being responsible and only seeing the gf on weekends. If it is pills don’t kick him out have his back ur the mom being a parent doesn’t end when there 18 it’s for life
No you should not feel bad at all for evicting him. He is toxic and a manipulator. If haven’t been charging him any rent, then there’s no reason why he shouldn’t have any money saved up. He definitely took advantage of you and your husband, then to tell a lie to your husband about you shows what type of person he is.
Also if he hasn’t saved any money, that’s his problem because he didn’t have to pay for shit except his own, which I’m sure was little to nothing so unless he was spending it on pills he should have accumulated some sort of savings to get him by. If he wants to take accountability maybe he should put himself through rehabilitation with an organization to get help.
Nope, time for him to grow up.
My son became addicted, he tried the same thing. He stole from me so I let him hit rock bottom. He later got arrested and court ordered into a rehab for two years. It saved his life. Sending prayers your way for positive results.
Hell no you should not feel bad
Time he grew up on his own!! Can’t help someone who won’t help himself!! Stop giving to him!!
You shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to take care of your 31 year old grown son for things he has chosen to do with his life.
And won’t he be surprised
No, not at all. They need to learn. Especially as he has caused a rift with your husband when all he did was offer a safe place.
I had 4 boys (same man), married, running his business and had my own job by 29.
He’s definitely using…he needs a wake up call…he’s just being disrespectful plain and simple.
It hurts but you have to put yourself first. My youngest was addicted to meth & heroin. I had to evict him because I kept finding pipes & needles in my house. He eventually got arrested & no one would bail him out. After being in jail for almost 90 days he asked me to help him find a rehab. I found one away from his ‘friends’ and he had been doing amazing ever since. I’m not saying it’ll be easy… I’m saying it’ll be worth it…
Why would you feel bad? He is a full grown adult that has a job. He has to be a man and stand on his own 2 feet. Tough love is the best in a situation like this.
Tough love is hard. My daughter has addiction issues and when she got pregnant a few years ago, I let her and her “fiance” move in with the same stipulations you had. That was 5 months before my granddaughter was due to enter this world. 6 months after she was here, there wasn’t a penny saved and I was not only supporting the entire house but doing everything in it as well. I gave them 30 days notice. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cried every day and then let it go. They have to be able to stand on their own or we are just enabling them and making ourselves the victim in their life. My granddaughter is 6 now and I am raising her. Her mother has finally gotten clean, but it is a rollercoaster ride. This cycle will end if I have anything to say about it. NO! Do not feel bad, although you are human and a mother. If he fails, he fails on his own. If he succeeds, he can hold his head up high and have the confidence that he did it. You are setting him up for life. Never regret that.
Nope my son did the same to me and my x
You cannot enable him. You’ve tried.
Sometimes you need to do the hard things to help them. Enabling him won’t do anyone any good. Sorry you are going through this. But stay strong and you already know what needed to be done so don’t feel bad for what you did. Keep loving him though and let him know you are there to help just not the way he wants. Help him get into rehab or something.
Nope. Tough love is tougher for us parents but 31 is old enough be able to save enough money over 6months
nope tough love if he been with you since end of april plenty of time to save $$$$ besides he say he couldn’t wouldn’t leave unless evicted good for you he old enough
You should absolutely NOT feel bad in the least bit! He’s a grown man. You tried to help him and he’s taking advantage of the situation. Let this be a lesson to him.
If you baby the addict then you will bury the addict. #StopEnabling2021
Mama, he’s a grown ass man, he knows what he is doing. He is most likely still using because he can afford to,if he isn’t paying his way. It’s tough love even when it’s an adult child. Bad actions have consequences. Addicts need support to get well not to be enabled to continue their habit. Send him on his way and please don’t feel guilty
No you are not. Once you’re baby is grown than it’s time to get the life together. I mean if he is trying and showing gain different. But in all you are not responsible for you grown children. Took me time to figure it out
He has a girl froed he stays with on weekends he can stay with her full time
Addicts are good at manipulation,lying, guilt… you’re doing the right thing… stay strong
no. be strong. he is taking advantage now if he is back on drugs. you are offering a crutch. let him stay with his girlfriend and mooch off her.
I know it’s hard but you can’t enable him anymore.
No he is taking advantage of you, as much as it hurts you must take care of yourself, just don’t weaken and take him back
You are going to feel bad cuz you are his mother. Doesn’t mean you sHOULD-cuz he certainly doesn’t. Tough love is necessary sometimes
Don’t let him back either
Nope absolutely not in anyway shape or form had pne chance in life blew it then got given a second chance deserves all he gets
Nope. His addiction is aiming to hurt everyone. He will say or do anything to “be in control”.
All I saw was 31 love. Nope not wrong. The rest is extra razzle dazzle on how wrong you are not!
Stop feeding him, he should leave
You are doing the right thing.
Why can’t he stay at the GF”s place?
Absolutely not . You have nothing to feel bad about. Your house your rules. I think he got off easy no rent .
Definitely not. You can’t be his crutch forever. We have a family member with similar history. My bf and I have agreed that we can help with some things, but we have a toddler and another on the way. Our family’s health and safety has to come first. I understand he’s your child, but he’s an adult. At some point, he has to learn to stand on his own two feet. If he chooses not to, that’s his problem, as harsh as that may sound.