I will try and keep this a shirt as possible. I have been married for 35 years. We have had many ups and downs. A couple of years ago, he had an affair but has had other issues contribute to our problems, so recently we decided to separate for a bit and figure things out. I love my husband, and he is always telling me he loves me and wants us back. I said we need to compromise with each other on things and make some changes. I found out someone he had confided in about our relationship in the past and is friends with were seeing each other. We have been separated, but I thought we were trying to figure it out we do stay in contact with each other, and of course, we have kids and a long history together. He said he didn’t think we were going to get back together He got the impression I didn’t want to ! And he will need a place to stay due to his lease being up and can only sign for a year at a time. ( I know poor excuse). And he said we were separated . I get that, but we still had intimate moments etc. He supposedly told her that it can’t happen he wants to be with me. I can’t help but wonder if I don’t take him back at this time or near future will he go stay with her for a place to live. ? But he has told me he has spoken with her a couple times.but he is not with her. He is always honest with me especially if i ask…I want to believe him and forgive him, but it brings back so many old feelings etc. I am so torn on what to do I love him and can’t imagine being without him my emotions are everywhere . But I also think am I being a fool. My head says yes, but my heart is saying no give it a chance and fight. I don’t really have anyone to talk to and have so much going through my head.I am so lost , there is so much history between us.
Always go for what you feel is best in your heart. They say once a cheater always a cheater but I really think it depends on the man. Some can and do change. Do what your heart wants
I’m so sorry. I know it’s tough. I’d say he’s made his decision. A couple of times. He’s seeing what you will put up with till the next one comes around. He’s just worried about himself at this point. You should be working on you and your next steps instead of worrying about decisions He’s made already. And they are right in front of you. He’s even said he has a concern about where he’s going to live. He will use you for the same reason.
Do not be as stupid as to forgive him. He was fully aware of what he was doing and is just making excuses for his awful behavior. I would probably bet he has been having affairs for some time now… This is mental abuse. It only gets worse. Drop him like a bad habit and move on.
If u love him be with him. Im going thru the same dilema with my ex/bf but I’m the one that went out on our relationship. I know he loves me but he makes it so hard. Just forget about the past and build a new future. Together
I don’t really have any advice other then take your time in making decisions. Dont act hastily. Communicate and maybe go to concealing if that’s an option. Sending you positive thoughts.
You can forgive then leave. Why would you stay with a man who would put his stick in another women. Nope fuc$ that I would forgive and be done.
Once a cheater always a cheater! Stay away and fine a real man!
Sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You may have a lot of history but he’s playing with your emotions. Move on, there’s a genuine guy out there that will respect and love you without playing stupid childish games.
Best piece of advice I ever got was you can’t work something out together Apart… If in fact you want to work it out and not just having fear of loss
What happened to nails? I think this page needs to change is name to drama zone… 
Do what you want … life is to short … keep the children out of it because PLEASE from experience your children would love one happy mumma than 2 lad parents living together.
If he shacks up with this woman just remember he was yours first let others be welcome to your trash … you deserve someone who will love you everyday of the week … think of you first xx
Two things that stood out to someone not involved was cheating and you feeling isolated as in you don’t have many supportive people.
Both are common signs of a toxic relationship.
Sorry if that doesn’t help much. Sending you hugs. 
It’s ok to give him another chance if ur heart is in it or u can’t live without him…I don’t see nothing wrong with it… Even counseling might help or talking to a pastor or the First Lady… Don’t give up on y’all…Aww
I feel like now he just needs from you. Don’t give him a home and you have your answer. He will go live with her and then come back and put the blame on you. Whatever it is that you do just take your time to think. Sometime different people is all that we need.
he a cheater and always be a cheater,men that cheat cant never tell there story twice ina row cause they cant remeber what thes story was the first time they told it.
35 yrs is a long time, forgive him and just let it go . I should have took my own advice Long ago… lol
It will never ever be the same again. No matter what you do or what he does. Just remember that when you make your decision.
Walk away… talk w him about the children and do not let him in your privqte life… He is still manipulating you to get what he wants without consequence… js
If you can speak with this woman/roommate…perhaps…but no , not really.
Have him back, or let him go.
Yall were seperated…seperated doesnt mean dont date anyone…so, if you think he is genuine in wanting you back give him a chance, but if you think you cant get passed what he did while you were seperated then dont try to force something when you are just going to be in a constant state of worry/anxiety…maybe try counseling if you really want to make it work…
It’s going to take alot of work on you in order to be able to forgive him. But it’s up to you. I think you should seek therapy for you and together and make boundaries if you do choose to work it out.
Fuckin leave it. It doesn’t matter if 35 years or not. Because in another 35 years he won’t be there mentally for you or even the partner you married when you thought giving Him another chance was going to change it. You’re setting examples for your kids too. Is this an example you would want for them?
Just please know that it will never be the same for you if you do take him back and you will always be wondering and what type of a friend try’s it on with someone else man
But I always say go with your gut not your heart
I hope you make the right decision for you
Can he move back in to your house and be roommates. And date each other . And see what happens . You forgave with the affair . Can you go to counseling. If you take him back that friendship with that female has to stop. To emotional. We don’t no her intentions. Have a serious talk with him you have so many years invested. And depending on his answer you make your decision.
Counseling. You’ve been married for 35 years.
Take the time to really figure out what you want and need. Use the time to heal and find yourself. If he really loves you and is serious about making it work he will understand and give you that time and still be there in the end. If he’s not, then you have your answer and have waisted zero time because you spent it finding yourself. In the end, no matter the outcome with him, you will be in a good and happy place.
Sounds like he’s using the “seperation” as an excuse to mess around, but that’s just me.
Make your life happy doing what you like to do. Love is supposed to be a benefit not a necessity. You have yours kids. Men are hunters at the end of the day. Live your life so well with your kids that he can’t control your emotions. Ik better said than done.
I’d tell him to sign another year lease. It sounds like you only want him to live with you to prevent him from living with her. You still need space right now. Rushing back in for the wrong reason will set you up to fail.
I say if you truly love him, you can move on and be happy together.
Sit talk it out see if thats what you both really want. Rekindle the fire. Remember what brought you together in the first place. Also go to counseling for a boost to help. Communicate and be open and honest with each other. Good Luck! People do change…
You’ve already given him too much of your time. Don’t take him back just because he’s gonna go stay with her if you don’t. LET HIM! 
Of course he’s telling you one thing but keeping her close.
It comes down to trust and what you really want in life yes you have a history everyone does he had an affair you still stayed you separated and he met someone else believing you weren’t coming back
You both are not on the same page and until you both are nothing will work out good luck
Nah! He already cheated before. Separation doesn’t count IMO cause when you take a break from a marriage you can’t dictate what they do. But that thing about going to live with her is manipulative.
Plus he can’t take care of himself?
Take him back because that’s where your heart is.
Think with the part of you that does the thinking, not the part of you that does the feeling.
Lepord never changes its spots
I wouldn’t get back with him. I was with my ex for 30 years & I caught him cheating a few times! I would never take my ex back! I was even a housewife for 25 years! I was afraid I couldn’t make it on my own or be happy & here I am surviving just fine & couldn’t be happier!
Ultimately, you have to go with the decision that makes you happy so I am in no way telling you what to do. I just know that when it comes to myself, I am a firm believer that exes are exes for a reason and that it will be impossible to ever be able to fully trust him again. To me, if I were in that situation, I would leave. I wouldn’t want to be in a marriage where I would always have those thoughts and feelings in the back of my head making me doubt his loyalty. I hope you make whatever decision makes you happy, and whatever you choose, I hope everything works out for the best.
If he was being sincere, and really was wanting to be back with you, he wouldn’t be even thinking about talking to another woman. He’d be using his time and energy to work on things with you. The fact that you two are still intimate should have been enough for him to see that you were still interested in him. I don’t think he can be trusted. I think you know this, but don’t trust your judgment anymore. Good luck.
My moto is" if it’s bad enough to leave, it’s not good enough to go back to…
I was always told to follow my heart, but that got me into trouble. Here’s how I answer all questions. If I take all of my emotions out of it and look at it objectively would I do it? Would I advise my daughter to follow my actions?
If you take him back it will happen again.
Dont take him back yet…give urslef some time 2 heal…and then re think it…
RESPECT YOURSELF ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. He cannot take care of basic thing like his roof over his head you deserve better. Don’t waste old age.
Many fish in the sea haven’t caught yet. As you ageing you won’t be able to tolerate him it would make both of you miserable and kids also.work on u mindset not heart.
Never let history outweigh disrespect now that being said I think some individual counseling would benefit both of you so you both can decide are u doing what’s best or what’s easiest
I think you should go with your heart, let him go and move on with your life. My opinion, he’s playing you for a fool. You shouldn’t keep waiting around for him to figure out what “He” wants outta life. And more than likely he will cheat again. He needs to grow up
That is very difficult. I can tell he was more than just a partner. He was your best friend. You know him better than we do so if you think he’s being honest, follow your gut.
I will say this though. Your relationship will NEVER be the same. It will replay in the back of your mind all the time. That kind of betrayal is not just something you can forget about. If you two decide to work things out I highly suggest couples counseling. If you take him back you need to forgive him. And I mean truly forgive him. Don’t hold it over his head, use it against him, don’t use it as ammo.
Also, keep in mind love is blind. From an outside point of view he sounds like he just wants the best of both worlds and that’s not fair to you but like I said you know him better than we do… I wish you nothing but the best!
I was only with my partner for 4 months and he split with me, we’ve been loyal to each other ever since as if we’re still together. If he can’t stay loyal for the time you need to think then he doesn’t deserve you.
If it’s meant to be then its meant to be. He’s already into another women tho. He will just flip flop between you both.
Maybe you should go and dip your toe into other things and see what’s up and if it’s for you. That’s exactly what hes doing and you should do the same too. And if in the end you go and decide that you guys want to work it out after all then go for it!
You know the answer to this question, so don’t make the same mistake again! The next time it happens again, that’s on you 
You need to value yourself and your self worth. Look in the mirror and see beyond the reflection. You are much more worthy then the fool he’s made you become. He’s cheated on you before, many times I’m assuming. Perhaps times you never even knew about. A cheater will never change, mark my words. He can’t be honest to his own wife, he’ll never be honest with anyone.
Move on, let him deal with his own problems. You have so much to move forward with instead of being his rebound. Love yourself and your babies.
It will happen again, if he wanted to change he would have.
But no matter what we say here, you are still going to do what you like
I know it hurts move on stay strong
Honey, if you have to fight another woman for him he ain’t yours anymore.
So instead of fighting for him, fight for YOU.
If he’s all committed to you none of this would be happening. If you’re 1of 2 options remove yourself! Don’t ever be a 2nd Thought to anyone. Walking away from the history will make way for a much more pleasant future if you want it bad enough. Personal opinion break it all the way off and go be happy
35 yrs. is a long time. Either decision it’s going to hard. Good luck.
If one minute he’s trying to get you back and you tell him some changes needed to be made but instead he starts seeing someone else and blame you for it then I don’t see a future. Besides he’s still talking to her even if he says they’re not together. If you tell him he can’t stay with you he’ll definitely go stay with her and who has time to be wondering if they’re still sleeping together or not? Let him go!
Don’t take him back…trust is huge to get back. You will always be thinking …if he is late or where he at…trust me it’s miserable. The hardest part is you know what to do ,but who wants to be alone…no one does…believe it’s what needs to be done…find you be happy … just remind your self,you are worth a lot more…
Girl you just said he is always honest with you right after you told us that he lied and cheated on you. Let him go I promise you will be so much happier not second-guessing yourself everyday.
“Had an affair…always honest with me”
Just focus on those two statements…
if u still see the signs and u feel the doubt then don’t do it. you have to trust ur gut. give it time. he won’t stay sweet for too long.
Sometimes History is just that…History. If u take him back u have to be crystal clear he’s on probation with u. One cheat incident n he’s gone permanently. 
I always say, once someone has your partners attention. Let them have it because if they really loved you, they would have never hurt you like that. Know your worth! I would walk away. I promise it’s not worth the constant fight and that dridge can never be rebuilt. I’ve been there!
Best relationship advice my Momma ever gave…if you have to ask you’re not done. No amount of talking will make you leave if you’re not ready and no talking will be necessary when you are.
I’d have a real hard trusting someone who was trying to work out things and have an affair during it!!!
Where is the trust??? It was broken by the first affair then to do this affair on top of that?!!!
He’s had multiple affairs over the last 35 years. Sorry
If he’ll do them in front of you! He sure has done them behind you.
You need to go to therapy for yourself. I am sure he he loves you you like a brother loves his sister.
You got this!!!
It will take time to learn how to put yourself first. To love yourself again
Sandra
It sounds like you are still too much in love with him to leave! Everyone is different and you will have too decide if u can live without him!
Hes honest… Yep honestly a dog, hes had affairs now lies about another poir woman he is stringing along, if she expects him to move in its not because hes being honest… Where in the world do these guys get there pure chancer personality, only from the past… Tell him you have out grown his lies and his type of honesty ffs… Start lovin you and become someone who knows u come first
I do believe I was the one to read that 4 times.
Pictures prove it all
You both are amazing
Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Trust your instincts with this babe. You wouldn’t want to waste anymore of your years on the wrong person.
once a cheater always a cheater - move on -
The only one to answer that question is you! He’s your husband and father of your children, if You want to try again, try again! This is your life no one else’s! But you do need to make things clear in your relationship! Good luck to you 
Once a cheat always a cheat. I know you love him and it’s hard to just let go of what you had but he’s no good for you, he’ll do it again. Let him choose between you and the other woman and if he picks her then you have your answer. Don’t be treated as a mug! You can do better than that!
Sounds like a man who can’t be alone. So as soon as you say no he will find someone else. Which just shows deep down he doesn’t love you not really. If he really wanted you back he would be fighting and doing everything he can to prove to you. Not talking to other women. Move on. Your worth a million times more! Xx
I always say, if you think ye can be good together, and be happy, go for it, life is not easy alone,
How you know he is telling you the true, ask you a question you self if he don’t tell you in the first moment he was cheating how do you think he is telling the true, if you want him back is you decisions and only you can know if you are ok mentally and emotionally to trust him, something that he don’t gonna give a peace of mind that he is not gonna cheating again or seeing the other woman, but like I always say you just spend 35 years of you life, age, and beauty with a person that you give him all you trust since day one and he don’t care in a minute to cheating on you and he don’t stop for a moment to think if he gonna doing what consequences would have if he cheating, he don’t think about you or you kids no matter how old they are they are his kids and he don’t think about not even a minute, he only was thinking about him self and how he can be happy for a few days or months, so then why you wanna spend the rest of you life with a men that he don’t care about a family he built up with you on the first moment he decided to be married, think about it but if I’m you no matter how much love I have for him, I love my self much more to waste my rest of my age with a person that don’t care how i was gonna feel if he was gonna cheat. Love you self more and respect you self , because life is only one and all the 35 years you give him that’s not gonna come back that was a waste and it was his fault. Love you self care about you, maybe there someone a out there that can make you happy and not cheated. Good luck
I would stay and work on it. Nobody is perfect. and let me tell ya something you CAN love someone and still cheat. People go elsewhere when they can’t get what they need from their partner. So what did he need that he wasn’t getting? Fulfill his need and keep his leash short.
Never let anyone make you feel less than what you are and never stand in line behind anyone! Never love any man more than you love yourself.
You’ve probably been married longer than most of the ladies commenting have been ALIVE so what kind of advice are you hoping to receive?
I mean, you’re at least 55 years old right? At some point, doesn’t this sh** get old?
Either work it out or don’t. Nobody can determine if you’d be making a fool of yourself.
You just gotta do what’s best for you.
He’s treating you like a carrot on a string. You deserve better. Please don’t think you’re past it, or no one would want you because it’s a big world out there and the place is full of wonderful men who would love to show you what real love, trust and commitment is. This isn’t it I’m afraid.
My ex husband cheated, i left, best thing i ever did…i became a strong person and learned to trust and love myself and raise my two daughters alone…He married the woman he cheated with, has two sons with her and he cheated on her too, some men never change
Dont take him back just cos he cant find somewhere to stay…thats putting you under pressure. Take your time and see where he’ll find to live without your help…that might make your mind up for you.
Move on love
Real men don’t cheat 
Takes way more than love to make it work. Move on. He’s wasting your time.
Doubt and mistrust are your answer. You pretty much answered your own question in which you knew all along
35 years together. You’ve built a life together. That’s a long time… most people will say leave, that’s easy. But love is a commitment. I believe all that you’ve worked for is worth another chance. We grow old and we change and we often realize even later in life that we aren’t getting any younger and we need to appreciate what we have and who we have in our lives. I’m sure he is realizing this… you have built a home with him, you’ve worked hard for this life and you deserve to keep it. Yes he was wrong. But if you both let your pride get in the way… you’re just going both end up lonely and sad and unhappy. Work hard on what you have built. Idk how old you guys are but 35 years together. Yeah… you guys have a life together. I encourage you to keep holding on. Keeping working on each other. You think he’s gonna be like this forever? No, when beauty fades what do we have? We need our partners. Don’t let someone break what you’ve built. But also be firm with him. Best of luck !
Don’t look back.run for d hills.a life of misery in front of you with himx
Honey you need to take a good hard look at yourself.
#1 is this something you can let go of and forgive?
#2 if not then let him go for good.
#3 20% of people cheat within the first 7 years of marriage.
Out side looking in on this.
You love him I can see that. But you are hurt. Explain the expectations and if broken again then let him go. Right now he is living like a batchelor reel him back in.
Imagine this was happening to your best friend…honestly give yourself the advice you would give her!
Why would he be able to talk to her about things, but not you if you guys are/were working things out… Just in my opinion it would be a red flag after the affair 
I hope the best for you
You can forgive but can’t forget trust me … you will be reminded every day it’s not worth the try been there done that sorry to hear this happened to you
You will know when you know.
Let him go so you can go on with your life