You are separated but still have intimate moment? No wonder you are a mess.If you really want to separate you should stop those too or just get back with him now. You are the one making things complicated. If you decide to stay you both need full commitment to make it work… if you want separation, just make sure you talk just about the kids.
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In 35 years if he is doing this, it will only get worse. You still have a life to live with not worrying yourself about if he is going to co tinge this behavior. Not healthy for you nor your kids.
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Sounds like you’ll take him back no matter what anyone tells you. Good luck. Hope it works out!
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At the end of the day it’s your call. Me personally if y’all were still talking and being intimate during yalls break… he shouldn’t have been entertaining other females. He should of been focusing on himself to become a better partner and not give you more reasons to feel the way you do towards him. That’s the reason y’all took a break right. Nd he done messed up again. I wouldn’t get back with him. But thats on you. 
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Go get counseling. Figure out your feelings. Hardest thing to do is let him come back knowing what has happened.
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This smacks of getting his cake and eating it too, you dont know whether hes telling the truth, hes lied in the past and most likely lying now, i wouldnt go near him
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Is this what you want for your life?.. really?..
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Sounds like y’all are toxic as hell and need to go on your own ways.
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So hes honest, but yet he was having an affair? Run
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He’s cheated before. I think this is a facing middle age, with possible insecurities in his manhood/performance and a dabble of a reminiscent youth? You’ve split up twice and had to kids. Find something that isn’t about him and go with it. I believe you may be facing much heartache either way. But having lied previously, he might be wanting his cake and eating it too. Some men become very about themselves, as do women, in latter years of a relationship. Find your passion and role with it. Good luck.
You need to let him go. He is cheating. You need to be able to cut that cord inside of yourself. Until you do that, you will always take him back, & you will continue to believe he always tells the truth.
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I’d let him move back in see how it goes being seperate isnt going to change anything its ya best chance to know if its forever or not
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I forecast you’re going to take him back and you’ll be in a worse position down the road. You’re going to feel bad for allowing yourself to be used and not being strong enough to stop it. You must put yourself first and love yourself more. I wish you the best but remember, once you have a choice, you’re no longer a victim
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He’s not honest run he will do it many time’s over my husband was like a dog, he got his sorry ass killed
Take the time to really figure out what you want and need. Use the time to heal and find yourself. If he really loves you and is serious about making it work he will understand and give you that time and still be there in the end. If he’s not, then you have your answer and have waisted zero time because you spent it finding yourself. In the end, no matter the outcome with him, you will be in a good and happy place.
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Hugs to you 
I’m sorry you’re going through this…
Always go with your gut ~
no matter the history … sometimes we stay for that reason and it’s not in your best interest.
The one thing I’ve learned ~ put yourself first 
You owe it to yourself to live this life happy without second guessing everything
You deserve to be happy so just do you girl
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You are never going to forgive him, just going from your post, you dont want to you will always blame him. Even though hes been very up front with you. He messed up 2 years ago, if you want it to work you have to work past it. I know thats hard to hear but my in laws are still together after an affair 15 years ago and are miserable because she won’t actually forgive him and work on the relationship only harps on the past it breaks my heart. No matter what he does she won’t give an inch.
He’s leaving & most likely stalling the
Paperwork over child support he would owe. I say move on with your life & get the ball rolling on your divorce.
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History doesn’t trump trust. Do you trust him?!
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Run he cheating and lying it only gonna get worse
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I was this other woman. He always denied me to the ex wife …… lied through his teeth to save arguments (she’s very bitter) but now he has committed to me fully
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This ship has sunk dear.the emotional ties are difficult to break but love your self and let it go.
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Over three decades of emotional abuse and you’re still
Considering to stay?
Allow your heart to heal and move on unless you don’t think you deserve better… a peace of mind being single is better than this crap.
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You’re allowing him to treat you this way by still sleeping with him while " separated " and what makes you think he’s not sleeping with the other woman? Ofcourse he won’t tell you… he needs a back up plan…
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I’ve been in this position, he was telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me and work things out but then I found out he was with someone else and his excuse was always “well we weren’t together”… honestly that’s toxic and he’s no good stop putting yourself thru that, let go and move on. It’ll be hard especially after 35 years but you’ll realize it’s for the best…
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He was not honest with you because you didn’t know anything until you ask or someone told you!! Everytime you take him back is another chance he has to lie and cheat again. Once that trust is broken it is VERY difficult to forget!!! You will always wonder if he’s entertaining other females!! Although 35 years is a long time, your mental health as well as the children’s (grown or not) are way more important than any time with someone!!! Put you first and you will figure it all out!!! Letting go of someone you love is never easy but toxic is toxic. lies and cheating are the most toxic in a relationship and almost impossible to forget!!
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Um you seem like the only one that wants the relationship. He’s trying to give you any excuse to move on and you keep trying to find imaginary reasons that he wants to stick around. Let him go.
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Once a cheater always a cheater can him
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He was thinking u didnt want him because your so called friend was telling him different so she cud get in his pants
Every relationship has its ups and downs the easy part is staying loyal and faithful to each other
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Can you trust him?? Once trust is broken it’s almost impossible to repair it.
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Pray on it and let God tell you what to do and don’t doubt what he tells you. I’m not perfect and I don’t want to tell you the wrong thing. (And I’m happily divorced) but do what’s spiritually best for you 
History isn’t a reason to hang on
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I think if he can’t keep it in his pants long enough to work on thi gs with you then you should let him go. It doesnt matter who told him you weren’t serious about getting back together because at the end of the day if it mattered to him he would have came to you and trusted YOU. And thats a whole other problem in itself. Let him go. Focus on yourself! Let loose for awhile and have fun! Be selfish. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Spend the night somewhere, party, go on a vacation. Focus on you for awhile. Sounds like you’ve put up with enough stuff and put alot of work into it. It’s your turn to be selfish for awhile. And if he’s still there when your done then great. If not, you saved yourself the heartache later.
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Actually I think you both want the advantage of having the cake and eating it. You both have issues but you’re separated. You want him to act as your husband, but you want him to stay at arms length while you think about it, and he says he wants you back but he’s snuggling up with someone else while he waits on you to make up your mind. I think that you both need counseling because first of all you haven’t resolved the issues that got you both to this point. If you get back together, it’s just gonna be more of the same. If you’re gonna take time to decide what you want…then do that and stop playing “kissy face” with the guy. Stop mixing it up…you both aren’t doing anything other than playing each other. Talk to a professional and sort out your feelings. Good luck!
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It feels like you want someone to give you a good reason to stay when you know you should leave
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He didn’t consider his living situation or that you had been together for 35 years when he betrayed you and the relationship so why should you! You will always wonder if he is doing it again and things won’t be the same.
Move on and love yourself more! Don’t allow anyone this much power over you when he didn’t consider you and your feelings when he did what he did.
Take care of yourself 
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If you love him and he loves you take him back and go to counseling. Your marriage can be saved and happy if your willing to do the work and if the love is there. Sounds like the love is there. A happy marriage with both parents is the very best thing for your children.
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He just wants to keep you hanging on. He’s had that other one on the side this whole time. It’s called “supply”. He’s a narcissist. Let him go and take care of yourself. 35 years and he’s pulling this BS? No, he’s a grown ass man. He just want’s his cake and to eat it too.
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You need to be seeing a therapist. I think the codependancy is a huge factor. 
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History means nothing once trust has been broken . You’re looking for someone to tell you it’s ok for his infidelity … sorry that’s not a reason to stay with him . You already know the answer is to leave him .
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Without trust there is nothing!
Can you learn to trust him again. Can yall split from this other woman cleanly and completely?
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Trust is broken…bottom line…do you sweetie!
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The question is question which he should only know the answer too! So no need for me to read the story.
You’re welcome.
Only you can decide what to do . But personally you need counseling, for yourself to help decide your feelings. and if you decide you want to try and make it work . You both have to want to try . And his actions are not showing right now he wants to make it work . He needs to get counseling for his self to figure out what he wants . And if both want to try and make it work . Than I’d consider couples counseling.
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Get a life lady…! We all die just once.
You need to go to get counseling for you. It will help you sort this out. I understand all the years you have invested in this man but he did hurt you deeply and that is hard to overcome.
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Run as fast as you can. This is toxic
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I don’t think it will work hun .can you ever realy trust him again do you want to spend the rest of your life questioning him checking his phone and driving yourself mad wandering what he’s doing .it’s hard to move on because it’s familiar and easy but once you break away you will start your new life and one day in the future you will sit and think my life is good .u deserve good and to be happy .you deserve better than what he can offer you x
Before you decide ,go for counseling,once you FIGURE YOURSELF out,make your decision, but for now whilst doing the counseling,stay away from him!!
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Sounds like a personal desicion to me…
Please do yourself a favor, let him go, kick him to the curb. He is NEVER going to change…been there, done that twice…love and respect yourself because he never will…good luck
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As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I agree with Irene Burgess . Until you can work together and create a new dynamic, things will likely never change. Best of luck.
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Give him another chance but lay down your boundaries up front. Men need boundaries. Some men need ultimatums. I wouldn’t let him back home just yet but rather use this time to fix the issues at hand.
I’d say if you want to find happiness being single is the best way.
I left my spouse a year ago and no contact for 5 months it made him realize what he had. I can truly say he has changed. Now we’ve decided to move into the same city but live separately. Then wait a while and move in together.
35 years is a long time, but you don’t know how long he’s been doing this. Trust has been broken
He’s a grown man he knows what he is doing,he wonts his cake and eat it to, so in my opinion kick him out you deserve better then him, move on with your life because things are probably not going to change. I wish you good luck and happiness. 
They do it once they will do it again
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Go with your Heart ,go see a counselor and hang in there you been together 35years …
he’s about to sit his behind down ,as long
you’re not being mistreated , pray 
and hold on,you about to win him over.
You and you only will know what you want and when, if you want to work it out then both of you agree to do your best, make some changes, date again. If you feel you can’t trust him from this point on then make the decision to move on… 35 years is a long time to just forget about, but only You will know the right answer to that.
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Ask yourself this - if this other woman didn’t exist & she was a one night stand - would you take him back? I personally feel the fear of him moving in with her is what’s pushing you to want to take him back. And that in itself should answer your question, if he’s not 100% for you - walk away! X
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No amount of love can hold a marriage together when there’s no trust. You don’t need to fight for this marriage because you didn’t do anything wrong. He did!!! He broke your trust, the kids trust, the family, the history everything therefore he has to fight for this marriage if he wants it. Does he really want it as much as you do? Has he only said he does or did he do anything to fight fr it?? Did he fight for you and the kids??? If not, then give him a chance and see if he really makes it right. You need to see more action and less words. Because his words are meaningless. If he loved you he would’ve never had an affair in the first place. Also, seeing him separated from you fr a very long time will either being him closer to you and make your marriage stronger or create more distance between you and him. Either way it all depends on how much effort he will put towards this marriage and towards you. Good luvk
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Please learn to love yourself before you let him back in. You’ll soon realise you deserve better. 35 years is a long time, so why waste more ? Be happy
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Listen to your gut, not your heart or mind. Your gut knows everything. You just have to feel it.
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You need figure it out and talk things out with him. Communication is key. And have an open and honest discussion with each other. Things will work out whichever way they may go 
x
A person who wants to be successful in life will always make decisions using his mind (common sense, logic) and not his heart (emotions)
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Quanity doesn’t equal quality. 35 years IS a lot of history and history is the best predictor of the future. Your head knows what your heart doesn’t yet.
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I don’t give a crap how long you have been together. Where is your dignity??? So 35 years means you don’t deserve dignity??? I don’t understand?
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My mam-maw and pawpaw got married when she was 17 and he was 16 (70s marriage before my mama was born). Growing up I thought they were the definition of marriage then at the age of 19(almost 20) I was deployed to Afghanistan and come to find out my pawpaw ( family run (almost 100yrs) machine shop owner) had a “secret” relationship with his crack headed 5ft nothing “secretary” who was supposed to be my mam-maw’s helper was his mistress and had been for a few years. I tried to keep a relationship with my pawpaw, but after realizing what my pawpaw did, and how it was on all of us especially after we put the pieces together. I love my pawpaw, but not like I used to. I have a feeling if I was there when my mam-maw first started going down hill she would’ve stayed somewhat healthy for me (my guilt), but I think at the end she gave up bc of separation and betrayal by the one she first vowed her life to. Yeah I’m only 30, but my best friend/mam-maw pretty gave her life to show me, my siblings, and 4 cousins the “way”. I know it’s strange coming from a “youngun” but please follow your heart, mind, and gut if one feels stronger than the rest follow it. Just please don’t let any sometimes curable illness (gets bad with depression) or time together get in the way of betrayal especially after years together. I’ve seen people say talk it out and therapy, but I honestly hope you go with what you feel and not what others think. Please be honest with yourself from a “baby” to an “elder” good luck and happiness with whatever you choose
Please ,move on,no trust what you got?too messy,you deserve better right?
You need to make sure you don’t want him more because of this other person. Maybe try counselling together.
Sounds like he’s keeping his options open by seeing you and this other woman. He sounds like a coward and you deserve so much more.
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I stopped reading when you said “he is always honest” with you…
…he cheated…therefore he is NOT always honest with you. Duh. No advice for your type of mentality.
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2 lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground.
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If he can cheat once he can do it again. Love yourself and walk away. Its done. Its over. It’s been over since the day he cheated…fuck the 35 year’s. Hell no u better not take him back. Kick his ass to the curb. Do u have friends u can go out with to celebrate a new chapter in ur life? I come across as heartless because men like this don’t deserve shit. Hell, fuck his best friend 
jokes aside, please don’t take him back. Ur teaching him that it’s ok for him to walk all over u. Ur not a door mat.
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Please read lundy Bancroft why does he do that for answers to your questions and solutions
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Girl don’t let this destroy you, let it build you stronger. It’ll work it’s way with time and you’ll figure it out I promise.
I normally don’t comment on things like this but you said “He supposedly told her that it can’t happen he wants to be with me. He has spoken with her a couple times.but he is not with her.” If he only spoke with her a few times about intimate details of his life, I call BS. He’s done more with her than talk. And the thought that he says he might have to move in with her? Also BS. There is absolutely no one in his life that he can stay with?? It sounds like he cares enough about you not to hurt you but he’s made his decision. You need to walk away and not look back.
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If he loved you he could have never cheated on you. It also sounds to me he wants his cake and eat it to. I for one say stay separated , start communicating better . He may want to come back for a place to stay. Put yourself first , sounds like you might need it. Co-parent with him but don’t move him right back in.
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Sending out prayers that you make the right decision.,for “You”.
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If it were me I’d be talking to her not him,I’m sure you’ll get your answers right there in what to DO,I would want to know exactly what he’s really telling her…
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Too many ppl use ‘Seperation’ as an excuse to Cheat!.. Being separated doesn’t give you a pass to Cheat… Married ppl shouldn’t have sex outside their marriage until divorce papers are Signed, Sealed and Delivered!.. Only YOU know when enough is enough!.. If the Bad outweighs the Good, walking away may be your best option!.. Cheating is a deal breaker for Me!..Wish you well!
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Sounds to me like he’s waiting for you to be the one to end it so he can have a clear conscience
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My mom told me years ago…
Once they cheat on you they will always cheat…
I have found that in my experience to be true…
Go talk to this other woman…. If he was still being intimate with you and her that’s so wrong! That’s causing you to be a risk of std and his intent wasn’t to try make his marriage work if he sharing a bed with both of you! I understand you feel in your heart you love him and he you but it sounds like you both want to get back together because it’s comfortable the unknown future is very unsettling. Being on your own isn’t such a bad thing… good luck
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At the end of the day it is not about him. You are not happy, you have tryed your best, but your heart is not fufilled in this relationship. When you seperated you were listening to yourself, and now you doubt it. All I can reccomend from my own experience is don’t shy away from sadness. It is your soul trying to guide you into a new path. A path where you are the hero of your own story. It will take time, it will take work, you will be lonely until you find yourself again. He is not taking the time to work on himself, he is getting support from someone else, and that is painful. Change is hard, but the life on the otherside will be on your own terms. Embrace solidtude, slow down and listen to the yearnings of the whims of your younger self. Your children deserve to have you whole, right now your emmotional not there. Your waiting for another person to be the hero of your story. He is what he is, you may be attached to a fantasy of what you would want him to be. Instead, you must be that for yourself.
Move on, he’s had 2 other woman already.
Honestly you will find it hard but your already half way there. Stop the intimate moments ASAP.
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The ONLY way you will find out what his true intentions are is by letting him go, tell him no he cant stay with you… stop being intimate with him if y’all are not officially together. Once you let him go that’s when you will know if he goes and lives with her, that means he was just spitting game at you because he knows you love him and was just using you for a place to stay. A man will tell you anything and every when they need something or just to keep you available for them. It sound like you’re so into him…. You gotta stop that, go out, see other people… I think you are forgetting there’s more men out there that can make you happy. If he loved you… he would’ve put you first and never cheated on you. There comes a time when one cheats that you have to really ask your self “Do i really wanna do this to my partner?” It Can be when they’re ready to do it… I mean that point is different to every person but he chose to dismiss you when he cheated so I wouldn’t take him back.
Get over him and move on
He will cheat again, if not with her then with someone else. He is deceitful and has been lieing to you for years, you just dont want to believe it. He is pressuring you to move back in intimating he still has her on the hook and can’t find a month to month rental. This is pure bs… He knows how you feel, he is just more interested in how he feels and what he wants. I would prepare for divorce if I were you. Consult an attorney to explore your options so you can make unemotional decisions.
Wow. I understand your dilemma. In my opinion you need to talk to God. You need healing. Your not thinking properly because you have too many emotional feelings running thru you. Please pray and let God lead you. In the meantime, relax and let God be God.
Sounds like he is keeping his options open, having his cake and eating it. I’d get shot, history and feelings are hard to walk away from but just remember you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love your husband - it’s a two way street
Sounds like he just needs a place to stay. If he’s still talking to her, he’s still messing with her. I’m sure he still loves you due to your long history together, but can’t be in love if he cheated, Talk to the girl. Take it from there. Good luck in whatever decision you choose.
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His actions have shown how he truly feels. Listen to his actions, not his words.
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The last part… no one to talk to… marriage counseling. Not sure if you go to church or not, but maybe a pastor/ priest… or call your insurance and ask for a counselor that’s in net work … that might help
Only you can answer this.
Forgive him, but do it for your own healing. But for Pete’s sake Move ON!! If you need to speak with someone please call a counselor or therapist
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Why wasn’t he fighting for you and just going with what he thought you wanted. He didn’t give it hell first.
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If he wanted you back that bad he wouldn’t be with someone else even if you were separated! Time to move on!
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Listen to your head. It sounds to me like he wants you, but he wants other women too. You will eventually become bitter because of his infidelity. Is that the kind of life you want?
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You are only breaking your own heart by staying. Its time to close that chapter and move on to a fresh one. Hes playing games with your head. Forgive him for your own sake and sanity and go be happy! Life is to short!
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Let him know how you are feeling add howhe would feel of you had slept with someone else. I bet he would be just as upset. If you really want to work things our you need therapy for yourself and as a couple.
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