Well he cheated on you once and now just figured instead of waiting to see even though he says he wants you back he decides to be was someone else cause you didn’t take him back quick enough. Sounds like he will go with whoever he thinks he has the best chance with. If you really want to try and work on things I would go to counseling with him. But for now stay separated and see what he does. See if he will wait or decide to be with someone else.
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Don’t take him back because his lease is up and you’re worried he’ll move in with the other girl - it seems like you haven’t healed if that’s your biggest concern and reason for letting him back in your life. Do what you feel is right. What will give your heart peace.
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He was intimate and had sex with someone else so quick? In my eyes That’s just his excuse to F someone else and idk I wouldn’t go bk to him you’re better off leaving him alone and find someone who will give u even better memories with and someone who’ll never give up on u. Your kids father is just better off a friend you’re hanging on to the old him and just because u don’t know any better, you’ve been out the scene a very very long time but he hasn’t he knew what he was doing. Don’t let him stay with u he’s a big boy you’re not His mother. I hope u open your eyes and move on.
He’s out of the house. Make a fresh start. Change the house up so it’s new & different, too. Spruce yourself up & go conquer the world.
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He’s keeping his options open
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Love yourself more… you deserve better than second.
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Mistakes were made on both sides it takes two to fight. You have a family and obviously you dont want to break it up. You two need counciling together to sort out your differences maybe he had an affair under the seperation because he thought it was over and he was trying to get over you. You both love each other and want to make it work for yourselves and the family and he does not love the other woman. Try make it work for both of you and the family. But if you do forgive and forget and trust. If he needs a place as he can only rent a year at a time let him come live with you but maybe in a seperate room or the lounge or something and try for 6 months to try make it work with counciling and move forward and forget the past and try again and dont repeat past mistakes.
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You are hearing what you want to hear…His actions have showed you your future…I feel sorry for you this is so sad.
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No he isn’t fighting for you so don’t fight for him
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Personally I think only you can know what the answer is . But if you decide you want to work on it . Definitely gonna need a long discussion with him . And let him know there’s no excuse in going to another woman if you really want me back . That’s not the way to go . He needs to show you that he really wants you and only you . Sounds like he needs some counseling to deal with hisself. And both of you could use some couples counseling if you wanna try and make it work . But you can’t be the only one trying to make it work . And he has to want to fight for you and show you he wants to make it work . Cause his actions are showing otherwise. But I definitely wouldn’t rush right back in until. He can show he really wants you back and willing to go to counseling for his issues. And y’all go to couples counseling. Wish you best of luck .
If you made him feel like you didn’t want to work it out and after you found out he is possibly with someone new now want him back maybe you are the one who needs to figure things out. It takes two people to make a marriage work or fail . It is never one sided and people forget that. There will be problems and bad things will happen y’all may not be together but if he is the only one you want to talk to and laugh with and tell about your day then don’t throw it away . Learn to leave people outside your marriage as many people will try wreck what you have . Maybe this girl wants him and the only way she has a chance to get him is if you listen to her and waste 35 years of love and marriage .
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I was with a girl for 5 years. We were enganged and lived together and we had a daughter together. I tied to make it work as still loved her and I di not want to break up a family. But our relationship be ane toxic nobody had an affair but the relationship brought out the worst in me and made me become a person I do not like. We are broken up now but remain friends and share our daughter nicely and do not fight anymore. We even visit each other and offer advice as friends I still love her but we are nor in love I care for her. That I find is the best break up
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He is only looking out for himself, plan a, plan b plan c if the first 2 didn’t work
You need to look for a "Divorce Care " group in your area in a church or one online trhu zoom. My husband n I were about to get a divorce. I attended divorce care. I was taught how to have boundaries. I was taught that if someone has cheated on me I had every right to divorce him? I could forgive him n divorce him. I was taught that if I wanted to take him back I had to make sure he was 100% repented. Which means before we go back I had to make sure he is not having contact with other females or any other sign of romance. Your husband sounds like if he is still playing with you. He sounds like of he is using the “my lease is up” so I have to live with a women that I I’m having sex with becuase doesn’t want to be homeless. A men that really has repented won’t risk it by doing what he is doing n will be more than willing to have boundaries with other females n b patient yo win your trust back. You deserve better.
If you have a minister or someone you can trust go see them and talk. Helps to talk to someone you respect.
Kick his butt to the curb.
If he decides to live with that other woman it isn’t for a place to stay it is because he wants to because as easily as he can move in with her he could move into a place that does a month to month lease. Did he tell you he was seeing her? If not that is all you need to know. If you found out from someone else than he is still going out of his way to hide things from you and if he really believed you didn’t want to get back with him and it was over than why would he not tell you ? Sometimes we get comfortable being unhappy because it’s familiar , your holding onto him because you have never been without him. You could focus on you and maybe find yourself someone to have a fresh start with rather than reliving the same vicious cycle you have been caught up in.
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If he wanted to right his wrongs he wouldn’t be using the next so he can afford to lay his head down. He’s using her and bet, he’s getting s** from her too. Regardless, why even bother yourself with a person like that? Seriously. Love yourself more/first & you wouldn’t have to lower your standards/expectations bc he doesn’t deserve you.
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His actions dont match his words id get rid of him save yourself from more future heart ache
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My best advice is. If he is really serious. Make him date you again. And you go to counseling and work on yourself in the meantime. Give yourself a year. Find a hobby, learn how to enjoy being by yourself. Learn to love yourself. Make him work for it. If he’s just not willing to do the work. At the end of the year, you will have found the love and appreciation for yourself, that you’ll be able to make the right decision from a place of love and happiness. No matter what that choice is. Good luck. 35 years is a very long time. How much of those 35 year were good. People make mistakes. Some can redeem themselves. Others can’t, or won’t. Either way. Do the work for you. No one else
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You are working on the relationship he is playing in the relationship…your choice he made his…can’t back paddle.
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When people Show you who they are believe them and run run run. Sorry it’s been sooooo long. You deserve the best life you can possibly have. He’s not committed. Sorry run!!!
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If you do decide to get back together with him one boundary you NEED to set is he should not and can not confide in other women about your relationship, he needs to try his very hardest to come to you and talk to you about your relationship. It is in no way appropriate to go to another woman. That is disrespectful to you and your relationship. It’s litterly like allowing a mole in your relationship gathering all the dirt so they know how to strike at the right time.
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Always go with your gut instincts.
This has happened to me so many times throughout one relationship, I always wanted to fight and believed he had changed because he said he would never cheat again, that he loves me, it was all lies to keep me around so he could keep on doing the same thing.
After one girl messaged me a few years after my son was born and told me she slept with my fiancée, another one told me so much stuff while I was pregnant she got lied to as well and I told her the truth about my ex. Don’t fall for his lies you deserve better
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All I can say is if you trust god, let him fight your battle’s… but listen to your heart… this is a long life together just to let it go . Idk , that’s my opinion…
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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If she’s willing to let him move in, it’s more serious than you think…
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After 35 years and he can’t fight for you no you don’t forgive him don’t be his “safe bet” he made his bed let him rot in it. You’re worth more than that xx
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So he basically has a backup?
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35 years. Maybe try counseling and figuring it out! People can change. You seem to love him a lot!
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If it’s that easy for him to run to someone else while you guys have a moment, because of him, then he doesn’t truly love nor respect you. Move on.
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Watch the movie “war room” it will answer your question!! 
Blessings!!
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Nope he lacks integrity
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I’m 37 years old, I’ve lost a husband and a daughter and I’ve realized life is too damn short to be miserable. If my bf was happy elsewhere, I wouldn’t fight it, there’s no reason to. He’s already made his decision 
That’s no man… 35years 
that would be like one of my parents doing something like that… I couldn’t imagine :0
This is something I think only you can internalize and answer for yourself - that’s a lot of years gone, but he shattered something… and if he truly wanted it he wouldn’t be finding it elsewhere right now 
I hope youfind happiness, whatever that looks like for you
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Don’t go back to him
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I’d definitely try counseling, 35 year’s is a long time
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My ex was telling everyone and anyone who would listen what a bad wife I was, he was also" dating" 12 women , we had been married for almost 40 years. He was violent and abusive throughout . He manipulated the whole family into believing his lies to cover his tracks. My ex is a failure . So is yours. Being alone is wonderful, not lonely , free.
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Of course he will stay with her if you don’t take him back
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He sounds like a narcissist a hole once a cheat always a cheat they wear you out trying to give them attention all the time the grass is always greener somewhere else let him go !
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He’s not the man you thought he was. Im sorry though, its not easy to let someone go after you invested 35 years
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Move on love. Happiness is not there nor is love or respect.
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If its worth it to you, try marriage counseling. But also no one would expect you to try to work it out after that.
His excuse was you were separated, the thing is you guys are married! A separation isn’t a divorce. The fact that we was taking that time, and went to another woman after seeing another woman was one of the reasons for the separation is a shady move. He was definitely in the wrong, but its really your call in the end. You can move on with your life, and try to find someone or something that makes you happy, or you can try working through the problems you two are having.
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Nope he has a back up and you are the roof over his head so when you say no he will run to her. He doesnt love you anymore he just needs a place to live until he can set himself up. Dont risk being cheated on again. Leave!
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I think you are more afraid of leaving him and the change and difference you will feel!!
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The old Ann Landers Question: Are u better off w/or without him.
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My husband cheated on me in 2016 (he said they didn’t sleep together but she was the front girl at the hotel he was staying at) I didn’t believe him, but stayed. It’s been HARD. I love him, we have 3 kids. I’ve been with him since I was 18 and I’m 39. To be honest as hard as it was when I said I do I took that seriously. I would have hated myself if I didn’t at least do everything I could to work it out. PM me if you want to talk.
You guy’s separated to figure things out…
You were still intimate…
Yet, he was seeing someone. His heart isn’t all the way in it. He might love you, but not enough to remain faithful and fight for your relationship.
You took a break because he cheated. During that break he cheated again.
Again, he doesn’t love you enough to remain loyal. He will keep hurting you.
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Thirty five years of ups and downs and cheating. It doesn’t seem promising does it… A. person would think you’d have the main bugs worked out by now.Two alternatives I can think of… have an agreement you’ll give it so many months to see how it goes…or…cut the strings now. It would be a hard decision with the emotional ties. But…if you’re not happy with…how could it be worse without. Loosing trust is hard to mend
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He cheats. Let him go unless you enjoy being cheated on.
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Separated is STILL MARRIED
until the ink is dry on divorce papers STILL MARRIED. He isn’t in it to win it. Let him go.
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He can afford to pay his own rent but wants to stay with another woman if u don’t take him back 
cheapest blackmail in the book
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You will be better to be done with him. Cheaters and liars have a million excuses. Your health and well being will improve with him gone.
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faaaark nooooo!!! run woman run and fkn fast in the opposite direction choose you!!!
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That 2nd to the last sentence I dare say is backwards. You have to mean “My heart is saying yes and my head is saying no!”
He’s looking for options not a commitment. If he was 100% into making your marriage work he wouldn’t have been wasting the time you were separated with another woman. He’s lining up his options. Sounds like he’s afraid of being alone and covering all of his bases in order to ensure he isn’t. If he wants you, his focus should have been on you. If you separated to get some space and find out what you needed to do individually to repair the breach, he certainly made sure he was distracted.
As far as I’m concerned, he cheated on you twice. Because even if you were separated he was telling you one thing and acting far differently. Doesn’t matter if you were “on a break” from your marriage, if he was committed to repairing it, he wouldn’t have been seeing another woman.
Don’t make someone a priority when they only treat you as an option.
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He wants back with you for a place to stay…
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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too 
An apology without change is manipulation
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Pray about it maybe try counseling and dating I mean u will know with the efforts he put it. It ok to fight for yr marriage but he has to want the same
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Y’all been separated a year already because that’s how long his lease is? I probably would have thought you didn’t want me either just my opinion. Especially when you say you stay in touch and have had intimate moments and kids but he’s still paying rent somewhere else and he’s about to have to renew that lease and you obviously didn’t say come home honey. Sounds like at this point it’s just better for y’all to move on and stop suffering.
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35yrs is a long time to just give up…id stay n go to therapy for myself to learn how to trust him again. 3yr married n my husband cheated and I stayed, its hard. its still really hard. (going on 6 years married) but im glad we stayed and worked everything out. n
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35 years is a long time for drama
I personally will not stay with someone who had an affair on me. Been there,done that. And nothing hood comes from it. Move on as hard as it is
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This is the problem with working on things when a married man moves out - seen it happen before and they live a double life. Either move on or have him move back into the house and work on things.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I forgive my spouse of 35 years?
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If youre going to forgive him & take him back then you cant ever look back. Youll have to always push foward & never let it effect your relationship. If you can do that then do it. If not, be done now. It isnt fair to either of you to waste each other’s time & love on something you cant make whole again.
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My issue with this is if you were separated but trying to work on your marriage there shouldn’t have been another woman at all. This man is willing to use both of you to satisfy his needs for anything. Time spent with him only for this betrayal is time wasted on a chance to be truly happy and secure.
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The best thing to do is pray and ask God to give you wisdom. Find a good church and seek counseling there. I wld recommend watching 700Club with Pat Robertson. He’s had many testimonies of people who have gone through what your experiencing and God brought them through. God bless you, and I will be praying for both of you.
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I recommend that you go to counseling and work on your self confidence and self worth. As you work on yourself, you will find the strength to deal with him wherever the relationship lands.
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I believe in second chances… but not sure if he’s being truthful because their is someone else involved… I’d seek marital counseling …
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I think I would cut off communication with him for a little while. Go do your own thing and just don’t c him. Give your self time to work things out within yourself. Go to counseling go to church hang out with your friends and family. Give your self a little time to figure out what you want. And if he wants you he will come after you. Men are hunters. Let him chase you for a change. Then u will know your answer.
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History doesnt mean anything if the continued disrespect is still going on ! Its time for you to be happy and focus on you . He threw all of that away the moment he betrayed the vows . Wherever the relationship lands you need to work on you .
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Seriously you need to go to counseling and take your time so when you do get back together you can feel good about it and not have those questions in your mind. I went through something and it was the only way I could get back together. We saw a councilor for 8 months but we had no questions when we got back together. Be sure and feel secure. Best wishes
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Having been with my hubbie almost 38 years (since i was 16) i can say sometimes people throw things away too easily. All relationships go thru ups and downs. The only way thru it is to talk openly and honestly with each other and work thru all issues by doing this it will give you a proper insight of the good the bad what works what doesnt work only once you have done this should you make a decision. Many people jump from relationship to relationships and end up in the same place because they dont figure out what was the problem. Make rules and follow them dont let him have his cake and eat it.
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Ask yourself the questions and listen to your own answers , you are the only one who really knows what you want ,
You don’t want to listen to opinions of strangers and make the wrong decision then live to regret what decision you made,
Talk to him tell him how you feel and go from there,
Best wishes for a wonderful future
Full of love and happiness xxxx
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I believe if parties are going to try the trial separation route when a relationship is experiencing problems it must be purposive. It ought not to be you stay over there and I will stay over here and figure things out. There must be actions that both will agree to, to improve what ever needs improvement. Both must commit to counseling, timeframes for evaluation of the relationship, time for dates and rediscovery. That is, if the intention is to make it work
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Without even reading the story behind the question, the answer is emphatically YES. Forgive him. Forgiveness is for YOUR benefit and in order to move foreword, with or without him you must forgive.
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Every one deserve a second change, if you don’t try, how do you know if it’s going to work. God bless and good luck, very hard situation
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He seems full of excuses, honest words without honest intent are meaningless.
Go to counseling by yourself. Figure you out & then worry about any other relationships.
Best of luck
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Dont let shaytaan break your marriage, no one is an angle.
We do mistake in our life. The best is reconciliation.
All that is happening will b a lesson for both of u. Trust Allah n Give sadaquah and make dua for each other.
Have a meal in the same plate n eat together n everyone feed each other by hand.
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You’ve already given him 35 precious years of your life and this is how he treats you. What you have ahead of you are his declining years. Don’t be afraid to be on your own! There will be some getting used to it, but a glorious feeling to be free of all that drama. God bless.
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Get counseling whether you take him back or not. I honestly feel once a cheater always a cheater.
Get counseling with him if you get back together.
I dont know him so I could be wrong but it sounds like he already has a stand in for a gf. If he was really ready to recommit he wouldn’t have a well shes just in case.
Just my opinion and Im answering like I would to a friend or family.
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Don’t be desperate, think higher of yourself, set ground rules, once a cheater, always a cheater! He would move on in a minute, stop being intimate with him. Counseling may put a temporary patch on this issue. I feel he wants his cake and eat it too, wants u to be one of the slices.
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I say get your answer from God not me or any of these others,go to His word, God loves families, forgiveness his what we all need, Forgiveness does not mean you will forget, it means we can treat someone who has wronged us like it never happened by not ever bringing it up, I thank God for forgiveness.
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Go get you a friend and if hes still.willing to work it out with you then its meant to be. Men can dish it out but most of the time cant take it. And you shouldnt be the victim, its time to even out the playing feild.
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Hell no.enough is enough. You be surprised what you can do with your life.you dont need all the drama and anxiety. Be careful with his promises.time to move on.never to late
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It’s better to be alone than to be alone in a relationship.
Honestly I think the trust is gone. He cheated on you so I say let him figure it out as far as needing somewhere to stay. Sounds like the only reason he wants to come back is because he has no where to go. He should have thought about that before he cheated. Please don’t be a fool.
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Stop being so hard on yourself.Get out you will sleep better at night knowing you won’t have to always think . What is he up to let him be some one else problem… Give your self credit become strong.and ask God for guidance 
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A good marriage consists of two really good forgivers. We are all human. We all make mistakes and choices. Only you can decide what you are willing to forgive. If you forgive, then you forgive whole heartedly and the past hurts aren’t ever brought up again. If that is something you can live with, you both would benefit from couples and individual therapy. I wish you the best of luck in whatever choice you make. Just remember first and foremost, whichever route you go, YOU will be ok!
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I couldn’t do it I’d have to say no
bye
I would always have trust issues after that I will never be able to forget it with somebody else when he supposedly knew it was coming back with me just too much drama but that is just me
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To play the Devil’s advocate here, you were separated when this took place!!! Unless you both had a discussion about staying celebate or exclusive, I don’t think you really have a right to control who (or where) this man sleeps with!! Again, YOU made a decision that YOU wanted to no longer be in a relationship with your husband for the time being, so you lose the right to be angry about who he sleeps with or where he sleeps!! Sorry!! Just the way I see it! Coming from someone who has been married almost 21yrs, together almost 24yrs!!!
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Only you can decide to forgive him. You need to have a serious heart to heart discussion as far as what your expectations are while separated. If you don’t want him to date anyone then tell him that. You could have him move into the basement too.
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Talk to a professional before you give up. 35 years deserves it.
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It kind of seems like he cannot be trusted. He cannot have his cake and eat it. He should not be talking With any Woman. Period
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Remember why you got together, have things changed, do u really want him?
Kids will grow and get out, and one day it will be just the two of you.
Or you and someone else. And him with someone.
Also he may have had life experiences you not realize.
People constantly change.
I pray you both find what your after. We all deserve it.
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Life is too short. He just needs a place to stay. If he were serious he wouldn’t be seeing someone else. He is keeping you confused by still having relations with you. Seek counseling for yourself find your worth. You have spent 35 years thinking about everyone but you. Now think about yourself. Then you will decide whether to take him back or not. You have to love yourself. He is not being honest with you
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The reality is… go forward and as painful as it is it will give you back your dignity and self esteem. Make the move and leave him do not use the excuse of a history together cause apparently he does not care. Let him go!
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Forgive him because the only person that unforgiveness hurts is the person who doesn’t forgive. It doesn’t hurt the other person. Remember you can forgive a person but still have nothing to do with them.
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I’m sorry you are hurting, prayers help . Sometimes the mind has to catch up with the heart to fully understand what your soul needs. He took a vow, for better or worse ! He broke those vows . We could all give you sound advice but it’s entirely your call for your well being and peace of the mind, you have forgiveness and that’s a beautiful start , and if you choose to divorce it makes your journey better for you , God bless and guide you.
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